A Gentleman's Journal

Chapters

Eat my Dust! Or, I get a very odd client.
A winters intermission
Lightning never strikes the same place twice
Wedding bells & the alarms of war
By royal command
Pride goeth before a fall
The mare with Mulberry eyes

Eat my Dust! Or, I get a very odd client.

Prologue

Lightning Dust stood between the two NCO's and she knew something bad was about to happen, the grim look on Spitfire’s face left no doubt of that.
When her leader badge was ripped from her uniform she was shocked, but no big deal right? She could prove herself again.
But then came the unexpected blow as Spitfire pointed with her hoof.
No, this couldn't be! She was being kicked out?
Her heart sank, and her head with it.
As she was led away, she made a show of defiance and flicked her wing out as if to say " I don't need this place!" but her heart was broken, her dreams had crashed down all around her, and it was taking every ounce of resolve she possessed not to dissolve into tears.

I awoke to the sound of the phone ringing, and I fumbled in the dark before managing to pick up the headpiece.

'Yeah, what is it?' I mumbled

'Oh, I'm sorry, I must have entered the wrong number!'

'Ever Ring? Why are you calling me now? It's six in the morning!'

'Edmund? Is that you?' came the incredulous response

'It is me; just a tick,' I cleared my throat before continuing in received pronunciation, 'do you recognise me now?'

'Wow, you sound so different in your natural accent!'

'Yes, it's all very impressive, but if you don't mind can you just tell me what you called for so I can get back to sleep?'

'Okay grumpy guts, I have another job for you, so meet me in the hotel restaurant at half past eight, got it?'

'All right then, goodbye.' I said, starting to hang up

'Oh, and Ed? Don't sleep in!' called Ever Ring loudly

'Don't worry, I'll be there.' I said, before hanging up

I lay there for a while contemplating blowing her off

'Call me at six in the morning, just who does she think she is?' I huffed

Try as I might, sleep would not come to me, so with a resigned sigh, I flung the bedclothes off and made my way to the kitchen to make a coffee.

At five to eight, I left my room, picking up my complimentary copy of the Equestria Gazette
the front page headline read,
Strange occurrences at ducal palace
"Rumours abound as to just what is taking place at the palace of Duchess Emerald Château, with many neighbours reporting an unusual amount of potion ingredients being delivered and regular loud bangs and other strange phenomena. One farmer who asked that we not reveal their name made the following statement, 'You take it from me, the Duchess is up to summat! If I know her, she's concocting some spell or potion what won't bode well for the humans.'
The Duchess herself however denied these claims, dismissing them as 'Mere gossip, the very stuff of every lurid fantasy you can think of.' "

'Bloomin' heck! Some ponies are more like humans than most realise.' I thought.

I chose to have a vegetarian omelette for breakfast, a light, but filling meal.
I began to read the rest of the paper and came across another story that caught my eye.
As I read, I caught movement out of the corner of my eye, and I heard someone sit on the armchair opposite.

'Morning Ever Ring!' I said, not looking up from the newspaper.

'I'm glad to see that you're awake, I had my doubts after I called you.' she replied

'Well of course, you don't think I'd welsh did you?'

'No, not for a moment!' came the reply, in a tone that suggested she knew very well I had intended to roll over and go back to sleep.

'It seems Harry and Luna were together over the weekend.' I said, trying to make conversation.

'What! ' she very nearly shouted

'It says here that Prince Harry and Princess Luna dashed away to an exclusive Barbadian resort and some gossip rag paparazzo took a picture that could imply some sort of relationship. Clarence House denies it of course. They say that they are just good friends, with much in common to discuss.'

'Oh, right, of course.' she said with a nervous laugh

'Who did you think I meant?' I asked, curious as to her odd reaction.

'Nopony! It's just a bit of a shock, that's all.' she stammered, 'A human prince, and a millennia old alicorn princess?'

'Quite.' I said simply, indicating that I wished to move on.

'Anyway, about your next job.' she said, clearly relieved at the change in topic.

I carefully folded the broadsheet and laid it on the coffee table between us.

'I'm all ears.' I said and smoothed my trousers nonchalantly

'With Octavia, you proved that you can be a charmer, but now you will need to show a more rugged side.'

'Rugged as in how, exactly?' I asked, worrying that she expected me to act like some sort of caveman.

'This client has expressed her desire for a gentleman that can be dominating, forceful - a man who can take the lead.'

'Oh, so someone to sweep her off her hooves, carry her up the stairs and ravish her from dusk 'til dawn?' I asked dryly

'Good, you got the picture. No fancy poetry on this one Ed, just some rough and tumble in the bedroom and that's all she has asked for.'

'Well, it's not really my style, but I can do that I suppose.'

'That's the attitude we like to see at Gentlemen for Mares!' she said nodding in approval

'So do I get to know her name, and what type of pony is she?' I asked

'She's a pegasus by the name of Lightning Dust, her info is in this dossier.' she said, tossing a brown file onto the table. Inside was a booking form with a more detailed brief of what the job was.

'She wants to be scared?' I asked, reading her booking form

'Oh, yes. She wants to be frightened, so show your teeth, talk about eating meat and how you enjoy it.' Ever Ring suggested

'Okay, but how will I kn-,'

'If she says "key ring" stop. That's the safe word for if she is too scared.' she cut me off with the answer to my unfinished question

'Okay then, I think I've got a handle on what to do.' I said with a confidence I didn't really have.

'Good, before I go, I need to give you these,' she said, reaching into her saddlebag 'The red is a warming draught and the blue is a cloud walking potion.'

I took the three vials floating in her magical aura.

And the other? I asked curious as to what it did

'Think of it as magical Viagra. It keeps you harder for longer without cumming.' Ever Ring replied

I was shocked and more than a little insulted.

'Do you really think I need this?'

'Just take it, when you need it.'

I was in no mood to argue, so I let the matter rest.

'So when do I take these?' I asked, examining the contents of the other two vials.

'You need to take them just before you step onto Cloudsdale, any sooner, and you may run out of time. They last twelve hours only, so be in the pick up spot before eight tomorrow morning, or you'll have a long trip down unless somepony catches you.'

I had a nasty image of myself falling through the clouds to my death.

'Right, I won't be forgetting that then.' I said weakly

'See that you don't, we'd hate to lose you. Oh, and by the way, you first commission should be in your account by now, don't go spending it all at once.'

Ever Ring stood up to leave but as she walked away, a thought struck me.

'Before you leave, I'd like to ask a favour.'

She stopped and gave me "the look". 'Go on then what is it?'

I want a week off some time soon.' I said

Ever Ring flipped through her dairy with impressive speed.

'I can give one week in a fortnight.' she said sternly.

'Thank you, Ever Ring, you are too kind.'

'I know.' she quipped as she sauntered away

I returned to my room and immediately sat at the desk and began writing a letter.

"My own darling,

I have managed to secure week long break in two weeks time, I hope that you will be able to make some time to spend together.
I am missing you terribly, and will count every hour, every minute until I hold you in my arms once more.

With all my love,
Edmund"

I folded the parchment and slipped it into an envelope, wet the gum with my tongue and smoothed the flap down so that it stuck properly. Having affixed the stamp, and written the address, I hurried to the post office to catch the morning pick up. Turning right as I left the hotel I passed a news-stand, and saw one of the women’s magazines ( I forget which ) with a photo of Prince Harry with his arm around Princess Luna whilst kissing her on the cheek as its cover photo. ROYAL RENDEZVOUS! screamed the header.
I shook my head as I passed this reminder of tabloid journalism.
On my way back, I decided to stop in at the local bank and check my balance.
When I saw the number printed on the slip of paper that the cashier had slid over the counter, the eyes very nearly popped out of my skull!
I won't say how much it was, but it was more money than I had ever dreamed possible to earn in one night.

When I returned to my hotel, I strode to the concierge desk and rang the bell.

'How may I help you sir?' asked the short, dignified looking human that answered my call.

'I'd like to make a reservation for one person in the early dinner at three O'clock please.'

'Certainly sir.' came the well polished response.

With dinner organised, I made my way to my room. Once there I closed my door behind me, and made my way to the kitchen for a drink.

'Speaking of rendezvous, I'd better prepare for this evening.'

Glass of lemonade in hand, I eased into a wicker chair on the balcony and began reading a book published by Gentlemen for Mares, "The manners of a Gentleman: what mares want". It was a useful little book full of the common pitfalls of dating a mare and how to avoid them, as well as more intimate information. I flipped through until I reached the section on Pegasi.

"Pegasi naturally feel vulnerable when their wings are in any way unable to move freely, and if their wings are even touched without warning, they will often buck without thinking. The sure sign that a pegasus mare trusts you is that she allows you to touch her wings. If a pegasus allows you to totally immobilise their wings, this is the ultimate display of trust and often a declaration of love."

This information, in addition to what I knew about the client gave me some idea as to what I needed to do. So with very little else to do, and knowing I would get very little sleep that night, I set my alarm and slept until mid afternoon.

Upon waking my first thing was to head to the hotel restaurant.

'May I take your order sir?' asked a unicorn waiter after I had read through the menu

I considered for a moment, the cost of imported human food was almost double, but it was worth it so I went ahead and ordered what I really wanted.

'Yes, for first course I'd like the omelette fines herbs. And for the main course I'll have the filet Mignon - medium rare, and no dessert thank you.'

'Of course sir.' replied the waiter, jotting down my order

It was then the turn of the sommelier to ask me what I wished to drink.

'Has sir selected a wine to go with sirs meal?'

'I have. The '97 Barossa Valley Cabernet Sauvignon please.'

'Ah, a fine choice sir, coming right away.'

I ate the meal at my leisure, savouring the taste and texture of fine food.
The restaurant was mainly patronised by humans, but here and there were ponies. Some were alone, others with humans - I spotted a unicorn mare at a table for two with a tall, blond haired man. When he reached to pick up his wineglass, I saw that the ring he wore on his left ring finger matched the ring adorning the horn of his date.

The realisation suddenly hit me, 'They're married!' I knew of course that humans and ponies did marry each other, in much the same way ponies married each other - sometimes monogamously, sometimes with one man and many mares.
Seeing my first interspecies couple made me wonder if Milky Way and I would ever get married.

However I couldn't dwell on such thoughts for long, as I had to prepare for tonight.
I returned to my room and meditated, hoping for the strength of mind and body to do what was required of me this evening. Once that was done, I showered briefly before dressing in my cheapest suit, a nasty polyester job that cost far more than it was worth.
Leaving the room I grabbed a small duffel bag and slung it over my shoulder.

As I entered the lobby, the grandfather clock struck six.
I exited through the revolving door, and there waiting for me was a pegasus drawn chariot.
I showed my ID card and we left for Cloudsdale without a single word. I supposed that he was one of those ponies none too keen on the line of work I was now in.
After quite a long journey, we pulled up at jetty made of cloud.

'Well, no time like the present, I suppose.' I said, pulling the vials from my pocket

I drank the red vial, and immediately felt a warmth fill my body

'It feels like I just took some brandy!" I enthused, uncorking the blue vial

As I drank the liquid within, I began to feel lighter, less substantial.

I put one foot over the edge of the chariot and slowly brought it down.
I knew that the potions had taken their full effect, but even so, my step was full of trepidation.
Once sure of my safety, I jumped up and down for the thrill of walking on clouds!

'Be here at eight in the morning.' the driver said gruffly before flying off.

I set off, making sure to make a mental note of the names of the street names as I walked.

I soon found Lightning Dusts' home, and I rang the bell smartly.

It wasn't long before the door opened to reveal a teal coated pony with amber eyes and a saffron and amber mane cut short, swept back and with but two locks sticking up.

'Huh, so you're it?' she said disdainfully

I showed her my ID 'That's right, name's Dandyman, now get inside.' I replied bluntly in an exaggerated version of my own accent

At first, her eyes narrowed at my order, but then her wings began flapping with excitement
The moment the door closed, I slapped her flank.

'Oi, you! Bedroom. Now.'

I followed her close as she hurried to her bedroom, marvelling at the fact that everything was cloud.

'Wha-what are you going to do to me?' she asked, jumping onto her bed.

'Oh, don't worry, it'll be a lot of fun.' I answered, grinning as evilly as possible.

At the sight of my teeth, she shrank back.

'Oh, what's this? Lightning Dust, the most fearless mare in Equestria; scared of my teeth?' I asked mockingly.

She nodded dumbly.

I approached her, and she remained rooted to the the spot with fear.

'This very evening I ate sweet, succulent meat with these teeth. I tore and sliced though it and chewed it all up!' It was was so tender and juicy!'

'And now I'm going to eat you!' I said, flashing my creepiest, most threatening smile I could before jumping on the bed next to her

I nibbled her ear gently before I moved onto my true goal.

'No! Don't! St-'

Her protests devolved into a low moan as I began lapping at her cunt like a thirsty dog at a water bowl. With seemingly callous disregard for what she wanted, I explored her most intimate of places. I buried my face deep and probed deep with my tongue into her tight hole.
I spread her fat outer lips with my fingers and found what I was looking for.

'My my, you sure do have a big one don't you?' I teased

'Noooo!' came the pitiful response

'Oh yes, this is the biggest clit I've ever seen!' I said and to emphasise my words, I gave it a slow lick.

'Annnh!' was the only response from Lightning Dust

I slid my tongue around the hardened nub poking out of her slit and began sucking it.
With her clit being so big, and different to a humans, I was able to continue teasing her entrance with my fingers.
Never penetrating, just tracing the outside, this - in addition to the attentions of my mouth and tongue on her clit were having incredible effect.Lightning Dust was literally in the throes of passion as she shook with every flick of my tongue, every motion of my fingers, all the while moaning in unrestrained pleasure.

'Well, well, well! I wonder what would happen if everypony knew that the tough tomcolt who always boasts of her fearlessness and composure goes to pieces when her big ol' clitty is teased?' I asked, lightly tapping her engorged nub

'You're terrible! I hate you! You're worthless!' she shouted, tears streaming down her muzzle.

I was shocked at this outburst, but since it was my job I kept going. However, I resolved to give her a chance to say the safety word.

'Now that's not how you talk to me is it? What's the magic word?'

'Loser! Failure! I'll never say it, so do your worst!' she shouted back at me

'All right then, this is where things get real fun!' I said reaching into the bag I'd brought with me

I pulled out a length of soft, yet strong rope

'No!' she gasped

'Yes, I'm going to stop those little wings of yours from flapping, just to remind you of who's in charge here. Now be a good filly and hold still.' I said, snapping the length of rope taut to emphasise the threat.

I was full of self loathing, saying the words I spoke, behaving the way I did. But then I reminded myself that she clearly had some issues to work through, and this is how she'd chosen to do so.

Though she trembled, she allowed me to firmly bind her wings.

'Trussed up like a turkey! Except I'm going to be doing all the gobbling. For now' I added darkly

I returned my attentions to her sopping slit to renewed moans and fresh insults.

'You can't do anything right! Why'd they choose you?' she sobbed

When I began my usual trick of flicking her clit with my tongue, her breath became a shudder, and then with a deafening howl, she came, her wings straining against the rope.

'Now that you've had yours it's time for mine.' I said, moving up to her head. 'Look at this, isn't this what you wanted? A nice fat human dick?'

She shook her head weakly, wet tracks on her fur from her tears

'No?' I said in a sing-song voice, 'Of course it is, you crave it, you've been thinking of what human cock is like ever since you booked a gentleman! So here's your chance to find out. '

Slowly, cautiously, she stuck her tongue out and gave the tip of my cock a lick, getting a taste of pre-cum.

'There, see that's not too difficult is it?' I said mockingly, 'Now suck me off!'

And without any further hesitation, she complied, sucking my cock with slow, but determined strokes.

'Oh, you little slut, using the tongue!' I said, as she wrapped her tongue around my shaft

The only response was soft moans that vibrated through my cock.

'Oh yes, I'm going to cum! Get ready to swallow!' I told her, grabbing her head and beginning to thrust into her.

Tears streamed down her face,and she gagged slightly as thrust deeper and faster as my orgasm approched 'Ahh! yes!!' I moaned as I felt my first spurt leave me.

As I came, she swallowed, even lapping at my urethra after I pulled out.

'Wow, you're a proper little cum whore aren't you?' I mocked as she swallowed my load

'Shut up loser, it was gross! I only swallowed it to get it out of my mouth.' she shot back, cheeks flushed and mane ruffled

'Ha! Well I think now is the time for me to give you what you're really dying for.' I said, reaching into the duffel bag again.

I felt the glass of the vial, and pulled it out. I was swallowing my pride but I couldn't relent for one second. I was in character, and couldn't allow the mask to slip.With one smooth movement, I uncorked the tiny vial and poured the liquid down my throat.

It felt like electricity was coursing in my veins and it was like I'd been given a boost of energy.

'Oh yes, I'm going to stuff you my sexy little turkey.' I said, spreading her hind legs wide

'You beast!' she cried out

'Yes, that's right.' I replied, feigning disinterest

Without warning, I slid my cock head into her vagina. It was tight, tighter than I had ever expected

'Damn, you're tight; not many stallions have been here it seems! Not to worry, I'll shape this passage to my measure!'

I began thrusting in and out of her, marvelling at her tightness and just how turned on she was. It was like a dam had burst with a never-ending stream of juice easing my passage.

'You really like this don't you?' I mocked as I slammed in and out of her

The only response was a drawn out moan.

After a few minutes, I could tell she was on the verge of a second orgasm, so I purposely held back until she had cooled off.

'Oh, I'm so close to cumming, I want to cum!' she moaned

'Oh not yet.' I replied evilly

'Please, let me cum!' she begged, her voice full of need

'Admit that you love my cock.'

'Nooo!'

I stopped thrusting and she shivered with anticipation.

'All right, I do, I love your human cock it tasted so good and it feels so good! Now, please, make me cum!' she begged again,. She squirmed beneath me in an attempt to gain some pleasure.

'I don't think I will.' I replied, and held her down with my hands, halting her movements.

'But you said. . .'

'I never said I'd let you cum if you admitted to liking my cock, did I?'

'Ahh, you jerk!'

'Yes, but perhaps if you admit that you're the loser, the one that failed. If you say that you flunked out of the Wonderbolt Academy I think I'll let you cum.'

'Promise?' she moaned as I slid back into her

'I promise.'

'Yes! It's true! I did , I'm such a screw up! My whole life ruined because I was too stubborn to listen to reason!' she sobbed

'For finally being honest, I'm going to give you a reward.' I told her and began thrusting in earnest

Truthfully, I couldn't have lasted much longer myself.

If I thought she had sprung a leak before, that was nothing compared to the gush of warm fluid that splashed against my thighs as she whinnied loudly and her already tight hole constricted in waves around my shaft.

'There, you go!' I said as with one final thrust I blasted my cum inside her spasming pussy

I pulled out, and some of our mixed fluids trickled out.
Worn out with both the physical and mental strain of the nights work, I collapsed next to her and untied the rope.

Before I fell asleep, I heard Lightning Dust whisper 'Thank you'

The bright sun woke me up and I knew that I was all but out of time so I dressed in my rumpled clothes and left my card on the bedside table, which like all the furniture was made of clouds.
She looked so peaceful as she slept, so I didn't have the heart to wake her.

As I made my way to the pick up spot, I could feel the potions wearing off. I was much colder, and my feet sank further into the clouds with each passing minute. Thankfully, I made it to the chariot before it wore off completely.

The next day I had one hell of a headache, a reaction to the potions apparently.

'You might have warned me before hand!' I yelled from the bathroom after throwing up yet again.

'Quit complaining, you'll be fine!' Ever Ring shouted back

I stood shakily and entered the main room.
'You know, I'm having second thoughts about this job. First you send me to a really classy lady, then you send me to a mare with some rather bizarre kinks.'

'Oh, come on Ed, you're doing great!'

'Yeah great, I certainly feel great.'

'Platinum just likes to test the newbies, give them interesting assignments. If she didn't think you were up to it, she wouldn't give you the job. You know what they say, "The fastest way to learn to swim is get thrown in the deep end." '

'Who says that!?' I thought furiously

I let out a groan as my stomach rumbled, 'I suppose I can take that as a compliment.' I said, trying to see the bright side of it.

Soon it was the afternoon of the last Friday before my trip to visit Milky Way and I was in my new office counting down the minutes to closing time.

I was busy filing some stock certificates for Filthy Rich's investments in Britain, when the little bell on the door rang. I swivelled round in my chair and to my surprise came face to face with Lightning Dust.

'You! What are you doing here?' she asked, plainly as surprised as I was at meeting her like this

'This is my office.'

'But you're a Gentleman!' she protested

'I am also a lawyer. How may I help you today?'

'But, but - the other night, you.'

'Please, let us not mix professions shall we?'

She looked taken aback at the difference in demeanour and accent between now and our prior meeting.

'Okay then, I'm wondering if you can help me?' she said hesitantly

'I'm sure I can, what legal service are you after?'

'Well, I'm hoping to convince the Wonderbolts to give me a second chance and I need help pleading my case, writing formal letters and things like that.'

I considered for a moment. Was it ethical to take on her case in light of the events of a few nights ago? on one hand, no it was not at all ethical. But then, she had hired me for the purpose of working through her feelings of inadequacy for being dismissed from the academy. Having done that, could I now abandon her know she was trying again?

I glanced at her and one look at her anxious face was enough for me to know what my answer would be.

I sighed "Of all the law firms, in all the towns, in all Equestria, she had to walk into mine!" I thought, paraphrasing Casablanca.

'I know I asked that we not discuss our previous engagement, but I must ask if you're comfortable having me represent you in a professional capacity.'

'I am.' she said simply

'Right then, I think I can spare a few minutes to cover the basic facts of your case.'

I had a client, soon I'd be with my sweetheart and life was going well.

A winters intermission

A unicorn, and a human, both with heavy manacles around their legs are at work in a cellar lit by a single lantern and a few paltry candles. Their sole heat source is a small brazier and two large, brutish dog-like creatures wearing metal helmets and wielding spears guard them.

A door opens, illuminating a flight of stone steps, a hooded figure is silhouetted in the doorway.
with elegant steps the pony descends the steps.

'Well, does this batch work?' a haughty aristocratic woman’s voice issues from the hood

'Yes, my lady, it works' replies the unicorn

'Is this true?' she asks the human

'Y-yes my lady, every test was a success.' stammers the man

The hooded mare looks the two males over, seeking to find any hint of falsehood. Eventually, she smiles. Not a mirthful smile, but a gloating, triumphant smile.

'Good, very good! Begin mass production immediately!'

The two captives bow their heads in acknowledgement of the order.

As the hooded mare ascends the steps she pauses, then turns her head

'I had almost forgot, Happy holidays!'

She continued on her way, laughing at her own wit.

MEANWHILE, IN TROTTINGHAM

"We wish you a Merry Christmas,
We wish you a Merry Christmas,
We wish you a Merry Christmas,
and a Happy New Year.

Good tidings we bring, to you and to yours
Good Tidings for Christmas and a Happy New Year

Oh, bring us a figgy pudding,
Oh, bring us a figgy pudding,
Oh, bring us a figgy pudding
and a cup of good cheer.

We won't go until we get some,
We won't go until we get some,
We won't go until we get some,
so bring it right here."

I had been convinced by Milky to lead the humans of Trottingham & the surrounding villages in singing some Christmas carols, and since most were British we decided to sing "We wish you a merry Christmas" as the final song of the evening.

Fillies and colts, mares and gentlestallions! Thank you all for making we humans feel so at home and I hope that you enjoyed our singing. May you have a very Merry Christmas, Yule and Hearth's Warming!'

At that, the gathered ponies, and the few humans who couldn't sing showed their appreciation most effusively.

'See? I told you it would be a smashing success!' Milky said as we made our way home

'I still can't believe I let you talk me into it, but I suppose I'm glad you did.' I replied, caressing her behind the ear

'I'm just happy that you were able to make it up for the holidays.'

'Luckily, there's a bit of a lull in business around this time of year so I can afford to take the time. Besides, there's nowhere I'd rather be than right here, with you.'

'Why don't take a load off you hooves, and I'll make us a nice hot chocolate?' I said as we entered her little cottage

'That would be lovely, thanks.'

So I made two large mugs of hot chocolate, and we snuggled on the settee in front of the fire in which the Yule log burned.

'Explain to me again the story behind the Yule log?' Milky asked me

'The tradition comes from Germanic paganism. The people of northern Europe, during the hight of winter would find a large log to put on the fire, they hoped the the brightness of the flames would strengthen and encourage Sunna, the sun Goddess. And it always seemed to work, because after the celebration, the days gradually became warmer until at last, spring arrived.'

'Wow, I just can't get used to the idea of a world where you have to hope that the sun comes back. We just know that Celestia will make the sun brighter at the end of winter.'

I attempted to suppress a yawn - and failed.

'Oh my goodness, look at the time!' Milky exclaimed, looking at the mantelpiece clock

'Perhaps we had, better call it a night?'

So we went upstairs and I obliged Milky by sleeping in the nude again.

I woke up the next morning to a very strange sensation, and for a while I wasn't sure I was actually awake, so I lay with my eyes shut.

But then I knew it was real as I felt something warm and soft on my cock. My eyes snapped open and I lifted up the covers.

'Milky!?' I cried as I saw that she had crawled between my legs and had my erection between her hooves.

'I woke up, and you were already like this,' she said looking up at me ' I thought it would be a waste of a good hard on. Besides, you've milked me, think of it as a bonus present!'

Despite my shock at waking up to find her playing with me, I smiled.

'If you insist; you won't hear me complain.'

And so with my permission given, she began to stroke my penis with her hooves until it was fully erect again. She then lavished it with licks, coating it with her warm saliva.

'Oh, wow, that's brilliant!' I gasped as she flicked her tongue over my bell-end.

She smirked and, shifting herself slightly, she slipped the tip of my cock into her mouth

The vision of her looking up at me with my cock in her mouth was almost enough to make me shoot my load, but I controlled myself.

When she began sucking, taking more and more into her mouth, I sank back onto the pillows in bliss.

'Oh God, Milky!' I gasped

She was obviously not an expert at it, but she was doing a damn fine job anyway.

As she sucked me with that wonderful, warm mouth, with my throbbing member partially wrapped by her velvety tongue, I felt a familiar sensation in the pit of my stomach.

'Unnh! Milky, I'm getting close Milky!' I warned her, I wasn't sure if she wanted me to finish in her mouth, so better to warn her

She took my cock out of her mouth to speak, 'Don't worry, just cum whenever you want to.'

'Okay.' I replied, still on the plateau of pleasure, just below the point of no return

I gasped in pleasure as she resumed her ministrations.

Within seconds, I knew I was about to blow and looking down, I locked eyes with Milky as I shot my load into her mouth.

Spent, I collapsed back onto the bed.

'Hah, wow, that was a great present.' I said, propping myself up on one elbow

'Bleugh! I hadn't expected it to taste quite like this.' Milky said, making a sour face

'I'm sorry my love, shall I fetch a glass of water, so you can rinse your mouth out?'

'No! It's not that bad, it's yours after all. It's just a surprise is all.'

'Milky, forgive me if I'm being too improper, but is this your first time doing this?'

She nodded, 'I read as much as I could about it as I could. The library has a surprisingly good amount of books about human sex stuff.'

'Well, I think I should repay the favour now.' I said with a grin

'A-all right' she stammered, her shyness returning

I began by lightly running my hands over her body, ramping up the expectation.

Once at her rump, I spread her legs and saw that she was massively turned on. I reached forward and spread her lips with my hands and saw her hymen.

'Milky, are you-' I stopped, not wanting to ask such a thing

'A virgin? Yes, I never found that special somepony...until now'

'So you're saying...?'

'I want to give you a very special present, myself.' She replied, blushing

I leant over and gave her a passionate kiss.

'Well then, I'll give you myself too.'

I then moved back into position between her hind legs.

'But first, time to repay you.'

I began lapping at her vulva, slowly tracing every fold, every inch of her hot sex with my tongue.

As I did so, Milky made the same whimpers and moans as when I had milked her.

When I slipped my tongue deftly under her clitoral hood and flicked her growing nub, she arched her back and gasped

'Oh Celestia, yes!'

Encouraged by her reaction, I kept going, lapping at her pussy, caressing her teats at the same time. She tasted tangy, but not bitter and the scent was intoxicating and I breathed deeply through my nose.
I was dogged in my pursuit of her orgasm, trying to divine by her every gasp, shudder and moan what was working best.

After what seemed like a short time, my efforts paid off. It began quietly, her breathing quickened, and small tremor began that grew and grow until she was shaking with pure bliss.
She lifted her hips, grinding her marehood into my face as she let out a low, drawn out moan that grew in volume until I imagined all of Equestia could hear it.

'Oh, gosh! That, that was amazing!' she panted finally

'Thank you, I'm glad that you enjoyed it.'

I looked into her eyes, and she nodded at the unasked question. She was ready to take our relationship to the next level.

With infinite care, I placed my cock head against her swollen mare lips and slowly pushed in. I felt her hymen stretch, resisting the intrusion of my member, but I kept going and with a cry of pain from Milky, I pushed through. I looked down and saw blood.

'Are you sure you want to keep going, it doesn't hurt too much?' I asked worriedly

'Yes, I'm fine, please, keep going.'

And so I continued. If Lightning Dust had been tight, it was nothing to Milky Way. It was almost too tight, but she was like nothing I'd ever experienced! Words fail to describe what she felt like, not to mention her soft squeaks of pleasure as I thrust into her.
It was tender romantic lovemaking as we held onto each other, we looked deep into each others eyes, and we kissed with abandon.

'Milky, I love you so much!' I moaned as I sank myself into her glorious pussy

'I, I love you too!'

I don't know how long we kept at it, time seemed have forgotten us. But soon I felt the pressure in my loins and I knew my release was close.

'Milky, I can't last much longer, I'm cumming!'

'Come inside me! I'm close too!' she panted back

And with one last thrust I came and the sensation made her come too as I felt her pussy contract in waves, milking my cock hungrily for my seed.

Soon I slipped out of her and lay down next her and part my arm around her.

'Merry Christmas, my love.' I said, and kissed her on the nose

'Happy Hearths' warming, dear.' she replied

After resting for a while we showered together and then made our way downstairs to have breakfast. As I washed the dishes, Milky way gave a shout,

'Ed! Come and look!'

I dashed out to the living room to see what the commotion was about.

'It's snowing Edmund!' she called excitedly, looking out of the bay window, where it was plain to see that it was indeed snowing.

'Well, isn't that just wonderful.' I said, placing my hands on her withers

And it was, it really was.

Author's Note

This just something I knocked up because I wanted to share at least some of Ed & Milky's Christmas/Yule/ Hearths' warming which I was going to skip and because some may have been wanting "clop".

Also it is foreshadowing for the next chapter.

Lightning never strikes the same place twice

A bright flash lit up the night sky, and a resounding boom exploded overhead.

'That one was right on top of us!' Milky cried, gripping me tightly as we lay in bed

'Don't worry my love, lightning never strikes the same place twice.' I said, rubbing her back

It was the last night of the weekend, and that afternoon, the pegasi had started a massive storm to ignite the bone dry forests and grasslands into fire so that certain plants, and the animals that relied on them could continue their life cycles.

Another flash of lightning lit up the night sky, and a deep rumble echoed through the night.

Milky buried her head in my arms with a squeak of fear, her fur against my skin betrayed just how much she was shaking.

'Come on darling, lets try and get some sleep, and by morning, the storm will have passed.'

'I can't sleep with all that going on!'

I gently caressed her behind her ear with one hand, and rubbed her back with the other. Eventually she began to relax, and then she fell asleep.

Next day, the dawn was a brilliant golden blaze, as the Pegasi had cleared away the storm in the wee hours of the morning.

I cooked a breakfast of eggs on toast, and then Milky and I made our way to the train station.

'I'll make our proposal to Octavia as soon as I get back.' I promised Milky as we stood on the platform waiting for the train to arrive.

'And I'll make the official announcement.'

A whistle sounded, and a plume of smoke on the horizon signalled the arrival of the train to Manehatten.

When it pulled up, I took my large suitcase to the luggage wagon and went to say my goodbyes to Milky.

'I'll miss you terribly, as I always do.' I said, hugging her close

'Me too, I hope we'll see each other soon.'

We kissed, trying to convey all the emotion we felt for each other before parting.
With great reluctance, I embarked the train and made my way to Manehatten again.

Two days later, I got another visit from Ever Ring.

'I take it this isn't a social call, but I shall offer you a drink nonetheless.' I said stepping back to allow her to enter my apartment

'Thanks, but no thanks.'

'So, what's the job?' I asked, sitting in my armchair

'Ed, you know how you asked me to say that Octavia wasn't a skipper?'

I felt a knot of dread in the pit of my stomach at those words.

'Evey, something about that sentence makes me very nervous, but go on.'

'Well, the bad news is, this one is.'

A skipper was a mare who held off on mating until the very end of their heat. Some did it every time, addicted to the heightened sensations. Others did it unintentionally, but they were always difficult, being solely focussed on sex.

'No! Ever Ring, come on, find someone else!'

'Suck it up you - what's a British expression you'll understand?'

'Big girls blouse? Nancy boy?' I suggested, more out of habit than actually wanting to help her insult me

'Yes, those'll do! You don't have much of a say in this, she demanded you and no one else.'

'All right dammit, who is this crazy mare?'

'A certain pegasus by the name of Lightning Dust.' she smirked

'She hired me? For her heat? I thought she hated me?' I asked aloud

'Maybe she does, maybe she doesn't. I neither know nor care. All I know is she has booked you for two nights.'

'So off to Cloudsdale again is it?'

'Not this time, she's rented a little cabin on the outskirts of White tail Wood, you'll be going there tomorrow evening.'

I sighed Great, just fantastic! I've just dealt with two mares in heat, and now I have another,and she's a skipper to boot! I thought.

'Here's your information, and though it seems you don't need them there's some boosters in here as well.' she continued, levitating a small box over to me.

Inside were some boosters, a return train ticket to Ponyville and directions to the cabin.

'All right then, I'll see you when I get back I suppose.'

'I dare say you will.' replied Ever Ring, making her way to the door

'Goodbye then,' I said as she closed the door behind her.

The following afternoon, I caught the one O'clock to Ponyville, with only a small suitcase as carry on luggage. The train arrived three hours later in the quiet village, and I pulled the paper with the directions out of my pocket.

'Turn left on leaving station, go on till you hit the post office then turn right.' I read the top line of directions

At the bottom of the page was a note from Lightning Dust, "The door will be unlocked, Knock three times, pause and then knock again before coming in so I know it's you."

Eventually I reached the cabin and I followed the instructions, knocking three times, very loudly, pausing and then knocking once more.

Entering, I was once again assaulted by the aroma of a mares heat. I had already noted the difference between Octavia and Milky, and this one was different again. It was a strong, pungent smell with no subtle undercurrent to it. No, it was pure, unadulterated lust.

Despite the heavy aroma, I felt afraid, like you do when all alone at home and you feel someone, or something is watching, waiting to strike.

'Lightning Dust? I choked out, my throat tight and my eyes watering both from fear and the pungent smell

The response was something heavy tackling me to the ground from behind. Before I could even cry out, I felt something grip the waistband of my jeans and pull down with great force.

'Pants, off, now!' I heard Lightning say, and I took the opportunity to roll on to my back

'Lightning, what on earth has gotten into you?' I asked when I saw her face

The best I can describe it is the look of someone with a fever who is attempting to hide it. Her eyes were slightly out of focus, and her breathing was shallow.

'My heat! Now get these off!' she growled, before trying to pull my jeans off again

I tried to push her off, but the glare she gave me, made me stop. If looks could kill, as they say.

'Lightning! If you don't stop and let me take them off myself, I'll leave!' I said, raising my voice

The ultimatum seemed to take forever to register in her mind before she slowly nodded her head and let me up.

'That's better, good filly.' I said as I unbuckled my belt.

As I did so, her wings flared up in eagerness and when I pulled down my jeans, together with my boxers, they began flapping in excitement. When they were around my ankles, she was unable to restrain herself any longer and tackled me.

'Fuck me!' she screamed into my face as we landed

But I was too slow for her and she took the initiative. With surprising swiftness she impaled herself on my erect cock. She spoke no more words, just letting out animalistic grunts and soft moans of remarkable femininity.

It was like watching a jockey at a big race, her hips rose and fell with such speed, and all the while her tight marehood gripped my cock in a warm embrace.

Before too long I could feel my impending release, and one particularly forceful thrust from Lightning Dust tipped me over the edge and with a drawn out groan, I fired my seed into her greedy snatch. The sensation of her own orgasm sent such pleasure to my brain that I understood why the French call it Le petite morte - the little death, as it triggered a forceful second ejaculation and I blacked out for a second.

After a few moments, she rolled off me, a contented look on her face. I immediately crawled to the bedroom and lay on the bed, my chest heaving and my body covered in sweat.
No sooner had I closed my eyes, than Lightning Dusts' voice rang out.

'Oh no you don't! You're not finished yet, not by a long shot loser!'

I was genuinely angered by her behaviour so with real malice I shot back,

'Still not satisfied you slut? Well get over here, and I'll roger you so thoroughly you won't fly straight for a week!'

She shot me another dirty look, but climbed onto the bed, and "assumed the position".

Filled with lust and anger, I roughly plunged into her soaking wet slit, traces of our last session still present. Time passed away as I rutted her mercilessly. I slapped her flanks and I pulled her mane, to no response but a death glare of defiance and moans of pleasure.

Eventually we reached our climax and I fell forward, rolling onto my back with the last of my strength before falling into a deep sleep.

I awoke some time later to Lightning Dust shouting my name and poking my side with her hoof.
When I opened my eyes, I saw that she had found, or else purchased some leather handcuffs and my hands were now secured to the wrought iron headboard.

'What the heck are you doing?' I demanded

'Getting my moneys worth! Besides, I'm teaching you a lesson.' she replied, climbing on top of me, her rump in my face, and her head near my cock

'And what... what is the lesson?' I choked, the pungent aroma blasting my sense of smell from the nearness of her heat swollen sex

'The lesson is,' she replied, taking a long, slow lick of my exposed member, 'that you need to learn that you're not Celestia's gift to mares, and that you're just a good rut to me all right?'

'You say that miss, but why do this?' I asked

'Because you're stupid! she shot back

'Look at you, getting so turned on from another species! Aren't you ashamed of yourself?' she teased, rubbing her hooves over my erection

Bloody hypocrite, I thought.

'You're just as turned on as I am!' I yelled back

'That's just my heat!'

'Like bollocks it is, I know for a fact you love human cock.'

'As if I could be turned on by this tiny, smooth cock with it's purple head and thick disgusting veins!'

As she spoke, her vagina contracted, and a trickle of fluid leaked out.

I then felt a gob of warm spit hit the tip of my penis before I felt her muzzle around my shaft, and she began bobbing her head, emitting moans like the last time she sucked me off.

Without stopping, Lightning Dust simultaneously used her back legs to pull my face into her groin and shifted her rump closer to me. Taking the hint I began eating her out, which elicited a low moan from her.
The determined, methodical sucking and tongue action soon had me at the brink and with a grunt I blasted my load into her mouth.

She turned around to face me and still with my cum on her tongue, she locked lips with me and she deposited it into my mouth and smirked down at me. I spat it on her face, and it landed on her cheek

'You bitch!' I said, and then watched as she grinned even wider and licked it off her cheek and swallowed it

'Now let me loose!' I told her, with a mixture of revulsion and arousal

'I don't think so, not just yet, not when you're like this.' she answered, clamping her thighs around my still erect member

With a sinuous movement, she slid off me, turned around, straddled my hips and looked back at me as she flicked her tail to one side.

'Like the view, you pervert? You love it, and me; don't you, you stupid man?' she asked

I didn't admit it, but I did like the view, her toned, athletic rump, the puffy marehood dripping with fluids, the tight ring of her anus - all were inflaming my desire.

'No, I don't like it!' I lied

'Like I care! All I care about is that I can fuck this stupid human cock!'

And without so much as a by-your-leave, she began riding me reverse cowgirl style. It was brutal, unrefined sex and I was glad of the climax that ended it.

The rest of our time together was chaos - we traded insults, fought for control during sex and sunrise after the second night couldn't have come a moment too soon. After a quick breakfast and shower, I staggered to the train station and I slept all the way to Manehatten.

When I got home, I sat at my desk and began writing a letter to Octavia.

"My dearest Octavia,

Milky is very honoured to welcome you as her sister, and asks if you'll agree to a joint wedding to solemnise our family where you can be each others best mare.

The date is yet to be set, and we will make certain it is a date that doesn't clash with your schedule.

All my love,

Edmund "

Once I had posted it, I returned to my room, and slept for a full twelve hours.

Next day, I got the usual debrief from Ever Ring.

'Oh it's her infernal Majesty herself ! What brings you to the surface?'

'Hello to you too! What have I done this time?' she asked, rolling her eyes

'Look at my shoulder!' I said, pulling down my t-shirt to show a bite mark left by Lightning Dust when she bit me so as to take the dominant position from me.

'That mare was insatiable! I hardly ate or slept for forty eight hours!'

'I told you, skippers are like that, and I know you're not really mad.'

'Oh, and how pray tell, did you deduce that?' I huffed

'Simple, you haven't quit, that means you enjoyed it.'

And she was right,even though there was something about Lightning that just infuriated me, that same thing intrigued me, drew me to her.

'Yeah well,' I began, conceding her second point, 'But don't think that doesn't mean I haven't considered quitting.'

'Anyway, I'm glad to see you're still alive, but I have to go see Harry now.'

'Harry?'

'One of my other gentlemen, you didn't really think you were my only one?'

'Of course not, I know you represent many gentlemen.' I said cockily, not wanting to seem ignorant

I remember being told that during my induction, but by that point, my mind had been more focussed on lunch.

'I'll see you later Ed.' she said by way of parting words

That afternoon, I stopped by my office to prepare for the coming week, and as I was leaving, Floreat waved me over to her store.

'Afternoon Floreat, how's your Sunday been?' I asked as I sauntered over

'Not bad, plenty of custom, flowers always sell well in summer.'

'I, err, get the feeling you didn't call me over to say "how do you do" did you?'

She kicked the dirt sheepishly, 'It's about Milky Way's invitation.' she said

'Ah, I see, what shall I tell her?'

'You see, I'm going to have to say no I'm afraid. I like Milky, she's gentle and sweet and I'd be lying if I said I didn't have a bit of a soft spot for you, but I don't think I can be part of your family right now. I think we should get to know each other better first.'

'Don't worry about it, I completely understand, and so will Milky.' I reassured her

'T-thanks for being so good about it, and thank her for the milk she sent!'

And so I went home and wrote a letter to let Milky know that Floreat didn't feel it was right to join our family just now, but that she was willing to consider it at a later date.

A week later I was sitting at home, listening to the radio, when a news bulletin caught my ear.

'Police announced to day that they have arrested a Diamond Dog in Los Pegasus this morning. Chief Golden Shield made the following statement,
The Diamond Dog suspect was apprehended after locals noticed him on the roof overlooking the courtyard of an apartment complex for humans. When searched he was found to be carrying a dart gun, and a supply of darts matching the description of those found in all the victims of the recent attacks. So far he has refused to cooperate with our investigations. '

I turned off the radio, and leant back into my chair, wondering what the result of the arrest would be.

A month later, I was surprised by a visit from Milky Way.

'I have a whole month off, so I decided to spend it with you!' she had greeted me at the train station

'I am glad, it's the best surprise I've had in a long time.'

I awoke to the sound of dry retching, then the sound of Milky being sick. This had been the morning routine for the last two days, ever since she arrived.

'Milky, are you sure you're all right? I'm worried that you should go see a doctor.' I said as she entered the room

'I'm fine, it's just a tummy bug.' she replied

'If you insist.' I said doubtfully, thinking she had a severe stomach upset that needed medical attention.

'Oh! The mail is here!'

As soon as I picked up the small pile of letters (two bills, and a letter from my friend Mike) I noticed a postcard showing the Manilla skyline at night.

I turned it over, and a single line was written on the left hand column 'Ociores acrioresque aquilis ' I read aloud

'What does that mean?' Milky asked

'My brother, it means my brother.' I said in a hollow voice

'But I thought you said you were an only child?'

'It's complicated. You see, my father is one half of identical twins. My "brother" is actually my uncles' son but biologically we're half brothers. We spent so much time together we were mistaken for brothers because we always acted like it. Eventually we got to calling each other brother too.'

'Oh how wonderful!' she paused, a confused look on her face 'But why only send one line of text to his brother?'

It's the motto of his squadron, it's his way of letting his little brother know that he's coming, and soon.'

'Squadron?'

'He's a pilot in the RAF, a member of eleven squadron, their motto is Latin and translates to swifter and keener than eagles.'

'You don't sound too happy at the prospect of meeting him.' Milky observed

'I have...mixed emotions. Richard is a nice guy, but our personalities are so different we don't get on too well. As boys, we were very close, but slowly we drifted apart because of that. He is very outgoing, rough and ready, proud to be working class. To top it all off, looking at him is like looking at a perfected version of myself. '

'Oh I see, and what does he think of you?'

I laughed, 'Well, he thinks I'm a ponce for being in an amateur dramatics group, he calls me a class traitor, and a charlatan for taking on the accent and hobbies of the upper classes and generally lords it over me because he's a year older than me.'

'Oh dear, I hope you can be good friends again. she said, nuzzling me affectionately

'I hope so too darling.' I replied, rubbing her head

A week later, Milky still had an upset stomach, and I worried that perhaps it was more than a simple stomach bug.

'But what if it's your appendix, or something like that? You could have some sort of blockage that needs seeing to!' I remonstrated with her

'It's just a stomach virus, that's all.' she insisted

I sighed and decided to let the matter drop, there was no point in arguing, Milky was a very stubborn mare.

Two days later we were listening to the radio when a news item interrupted the concert being broadcast.

'We interrupt this programme to bring you a vital news item. It was announced today that Duchess Emerald Château has been taken into custody after the confession of the Diamond Dog captured earlier as to who hired him. The missing human doctor, Robert Winston and Sparkhorn were found in a hidden cellar at the Ducal Palace.

When interviewed, they claimed that they had been forced to create a synthesis of human science and magic to create a potion that can allow human males to impregnate mares.

The Duchess boastfully confirmed this claim in a separate interrogation, making the following statement "Yes, I did it! I kidnapped those scientists! I forced them to make the potion! And why, you ask? Because now that they know they can get pregnant, those whores will think twice before debasing themselves by mating with monkeys! I have saved Equestria from it's decadence! Now we can be free of those psychotic apes!"

That this has come to light while several Earth nations are preparing to embark on a diplomatic mission to the griffon kingdom is of some concern to. . .'

I switched off the radio and turned to Milky, 'I think we really must go to the doctor.'

'I think we should too.' she admitted

We arrived at the local doctors, to find the usual cases waiting to be seen. Soon, Milky was called up.

'Do you want me to wait here, or come with you?' I asked when the doctor, a unicorn mare with eggshell white fur and a jet black mane done up in a bun called her name

'Come with me.' came the mumbled reply

We followed the doctor to her consulting room and I stood, owing to the fact that there were no seats designed for humans in this pony medical centre.

'So Miss Milky Way, what seems to be the trouble?' the doctor asked gently

'I...I think I might be with foal.' Milky stammered, 'I have morning sickness, I have weird cravings and I'm late.'

'Hmm, those are all the traditional signs of being pregnant. When was your last heat?'

'Just over a month ago, and I'm two weeks late for this month.'

'Is there any reason why you never got yourself tested before now?'

'Because the only one I was with during my heat was my fiancé.' she answered, looking at me

'Naturally, we never thought she'd conceive, but then we heard the news this morning.' I told the doctor, 'You see, I was one of those that got darted with the potion the Duchess had made.'

'Well, I'll need to take a blood and urine sample to be sure, but that being the case, I think it highly likely that you're with foal, Miss Way.'

Milky was given a sample kit and was shown to the toilet, where at her insistence, I stood outside and talked to her to relax her nerves.

A few moments later she came out carrying the sample to give to the doctor - just a small vial.

When the doctor took the sample she simply dripped a few drops onto a small strip of paper.

'If the paper shows two blue lines with a green stripe in the middle, that's a positive result.'

Milky Way looked at me nervously, and I knelt down and put my arm around her and gave a gentle squeeze.

As we watched, two blue lines began to form on the paper, and then a single green line.

'That's a positive, but to know for certain, I'll have to take a blood sample, but If you don't want to that's more than okay.'

Milky shook her head, 'No, I know I'm pregnant, I don't need any more tests.'

'All right then, Is there anything else you need to discuss?'

'No I'm fine.' Milky replied

'In that case, that's all. I'll contact your local doctor so that they're up to date with your records.'

As we walked back to my apartment, a sudden thought occurred to me.

'If you're pregnant, that means the other mares I've been with during their heats could be pregnant too! I have to let them know, I have to tell my handler.'

'How many others are there?' Milky asked

'Just Octavia and . . .her.' I replied

Lightning Dust was waiting outside the apartment tower, looking around every so often.

'You!' she shouted, spotting me and flying over at great speed

'You no good jerk! Thanks to you, I'm pregnant! You should have warned me! I'll kill you!' she shook me by the lapels, looking quite deranged

'Lightning, I had no idea until today that I could make mares pregnant.'

'Don't think that takes you off the hook! You're going to take responsibility! I can't raise a foal on my own, I can't have a foal without a stallion - I just can't.' she finished weakly, and to my surprise, I saw that she was crying

Milky, who had been struck with horror at the threat she made to my life now touched her nose to Lightnings' in a show of compassion.

'Don't worry, Edmund won't abandon you, if you want to be part of our family, I don't mind.'

'But, ' Lightning Dust began and then with a look at me, hesitated and said no more

'Ed dear, can you let us have a mare-to-mare talk?' Milky asked mildly

'Of course, excuse me.' I said and walked out of earshot

Milky and Lightning talked, Milky looking her usual compassionate self, and Lightning looking very agitated.

After a while, I was beckoned over.

'We've had a talk, and Lightning has something to say to you.' Milky said

'I- I'm sorry I was so violent, I was a little panicked is all. After talking with Milky Way, I'd like to ask you if I can join your family.' she said, looking downwards with her eyes

'If Milky is okay with it, then I am as well. Welcome to the family, and don't worry, we will raise our foal together.'

'Thank you. I guess I'll be going now, I'll see you later.'

And without another word, she flew off, back to Cloudsdale.

'Exactly what was it you two said? Why did she ask me to join our family so suddenly?' I asked, as Milky and I got in the lift to my floor

'I promised I wouldn't tell you why. But it's kind of obvious isn't it?'

I was none the wiser, so I kept quiet.

'Can you at least tell me if I need to add her name alongside yours and Octavias'?'I asked as I opened the door to my apartment

'She said she doesn't need a slip of paper to confirm what she already knows.' was all Milky said in answer

When we got back, there was a telegram from Octavia telling me that she too was pregnant.

I wrote a telegram back right away.

"Dear Octavia, I am happy to hear of your pregnancy, and I quite agree that we must have our wedding soon so that you are not shamed by having a foal out of wedlock. Whatever date suits you is fine, send suitable dates in reply. Yours in love, Edmund."

Once I had taken it to be sent, I sat down to write a long letter to my parents, trying to explain the situation. Half an hour later, I was still at my desk, more than a dozen crumpled pieces of paper scattered around me.

'Bugger me, how the hell do I tell them "Dear mum and dad, I'll be getting married soon, and to ponies! On top of that, they're pregnant too!" That will go down so well, I don't think!' I muttered

Deciding that a walk would clear my mind, I went out, and to my relief the letter composed itself as I strolled through the park. When I got back, I knocked it out with amazing ease.

Next morning, I got a visit from Ever Ring.

'I think I know what you're going to say, and I quite agree. It's been an experience I'll never forget, but now that I can make mares pregnant I accept you have to let me go.' I told her

'Let you go! Just because you're able to make foals now?'

'Are you saying that you're not here to give me notice?'

'No! Platinum has already added another service to our line up! It's like assisted reproduction on Earth, just more enjoyable for the mare!'

'She never misses an opportunity to make a profit, does she?' I sighed

'Sadly, no. Which makes my hopes of staging a coup d’etat very difficult!'

'So why are you here?'

'I just came to congratulate you on your marriage, and your fatherhood!'

'Oh, well thank you! Of course it's all a bit of a surprise for the four of us, but we'll manage. I'm actually rather excited!'

Ever Ring spent the rest of the afternoon chatting away to Milky about the wedding and the foals.

Two weeks later I found myself back on Earth, having just come through the portal. Richard had sent a more detailed letter telling me that he would have some spare time to see me and could I make the time? Included in the letter was an access permit with my name on it for the military zone. I had accepted the invitation at Milky's insistence.

No sooner had I arrived than I was spotted by a tall blonde man with clear blue eyes.

'Edmund, my friend! I wondered if I'd ever see you again!' he said, clasping my hand firmly, a broad grin on his face

'Lars! How was Apploosa?' I asked, genuinely pleased to see him

'Wonderful! The ponies and Buffalo were so friendly! I learned much there.'

'Excellent! I'm glad your visit was a success.'

'And how are you?'

Well, I have a small law firm in Manehatten now.'

'So what brings you back to Earth?'

'Two reasons, mainly I'm here to meet my brother, he's part of the UK mission to the Griffon kingdom.'

'Wow, sounds nice - My God! Would you look at that!' he said, sounding disgusted

I followed his gaze, and saw a couple - a mixed couple to be exact, snuggled up on a bench seat.

'What, that couple over there?' I asked, confused

'Yes, it's unnatural! And I bet she's pregnant too! I never thought I'd condone abortion, but those abominations should not be born!'

I was shocked, appalled! How could such a seemingly nice person think and say such things?

'It just so happens that the other reason I'm here is to register my upcoming marriage. My marriage to some wonderful mares, and they're all carrying "abominations" or as I call them, my children.' I replied with as much disdain as I could muster

'I didn't mean to say...I just meant...' Lars began, his face blanching

'I think it best if you left now.' I said coldly

Lars quickly walked away and I soon lost sight of him in the crowd.

Remembering why I had come, I headed to the secure military sector where I was to meet Richard.

'I'm here to visit Flight Lieutenant Richard Yorke, eleven squadron, RAF.' I told the sentry, showing my passport and visitor permit

He inspected them for a moment, then lifted the boom, allowing my entry.

I found the large recreation hall where I had been told to meet him.

'Hey lads! There he is, my Nancy boy brother!' I heard him yell as I approached where he and his mates were sitting

'Hey Eddie, talk in your toff voice! Go on!'

'Sod off, Dick.' I said sourly, still in bad humour from the discovery that Lars was a speciesist

His friends laughed uproariously at that and Richard glowered at me before cracking up laughing.

'Well, park your arse 'afore I tan it then!' he said, patting the seat next to him

Later we talked in private, and I was surprised to find that military life had made him rein in his behaviour, and he was a much more thoughtful person.

'Three wives, and they're all preggers? Mate, I don't envy you! And I sure as hell wouldn't want to be you in - what is it?'

'About ten months, give or take.' I told him

'Ten months time!'

'Well I have to settle down sometime. Besides mum has been harping on about wanting grandchildren -well now she'll have them.'

'And what about uncle Luke? How is he taking the news?'

'You know dad, he always said he had three rules, That I could never disappoint him so long as I followed them. First, never vote Tory, secondly, don't be a low-life and third don't be a bender.

'So far I've kept those rules, I may be able to talk like a Tory, but I've never voted for the buggers. And I've always held myself to a high standard of morality. Lastly, I'm so heterosexual, I have more than one wife.'

At the moment an announcement came over the loudspeakers, 'Attention, all personnel report for final briefing, repeat, all personnel to the lecture theatre for final briefing!'

'Well little brother, that's my cue, I'll see you later!'

And with that he dashed off to the briefing. Though still very surprised by it, I couldn't dwell on his changed attitude for too long, I had a wedding and three foals to prepare for.

Meanwhile, at Canterlot Castle, the bearers of the Elements of Harmony, The two royal sisters, Shining Armour & Cadence as well as Discord were gathered for an important meeting.

'I'm glad you could all come at such short notice, I have brought you all here because I fear that a grave threat may face Equestria, and perhaps the human world too.' Celestia explained

'So this isn't about the Duchess?' Twilight Sparkle asked

'No, and yet yes.' replied Celestia

'Oh come now Celestia, don't be enigmatic, that's my bit.' Discord put in

'What I mean is that Emerald Château has always been proud of Pony kind, even more so of Unicorns but her recent behaviour is beyond even her normal attitude.

'So what you're sayin' is somepony might have been manipulatin' her?' Applejack asked

'Precisely, and that's not all.' she replied, 'Sister?' she added with a nod to Luna

'Lately I have been disturbed by a voice, one that I recognise from the period just before I became Nightmare Moon. It has been trying to make me feel unloved just like last time, but now I know I am loved so it has all but given up on me.'

'Princess, I've been studying the potion and it seems the chances of it actually working are very slim. It seems almost impossible that it happened without intervention, is this corrupting influence behind it?'

'Hmm, you're on the right track, but no. I think a different power is behind the potions success.' she said, looking at Discord

'Moi?' he said, eyes wide with shock, and one hand over his heart 'You think I did it? It's hardly my style, is it? Besides, I'm reformed now.' He whistled in a would be nonchalant manner

'Now Discord, remember what Applejack taught you.' said Fluttershy gently

'Oh all right, yes I did it! But I just couldn't resist! I saw what she was up to and I thought to myself "what if it actually worked?" The confusion, the chaos! And now, when she learns that her plan has backfired on her? The look on her face will be priceless!! So, I tweaked the odds a little.'

'Discord!' yelled Celestia sternly, with a glare under which he literally shrank, and hid himself behind Fluttershys' mane

'Good work' she continued brightly

'You mean you're not mad at him!?' cried Rainbow Dash in shock

'No, Rainbow Dash, I'm not.'

'You're not?' Discord asked, peeking out from behind Fluttershys' mane

'Even though you didn't foresee the results of your actions, I'm glad you took them. For a long time I have seen that many of my subjects were sad, because they could not share the joy that is parenthood with the one they love because their special somepony was human. But now because of the Duchess, and you "tweaking the odds" they can. They will learn of your part in their joy and they will thank you for it. Soon you will learn what it feels like to have used your magic for good.

'You hear that Discord? You did a good thing!' Fluttershy said to her friend as he resumed his normal size, 'How does that make you feel?'

'I feel pretty good!' said Discord, sounding surprised

'Now, we have much to discuss, and little time to prepare.' Celestia said, unrolling a large map on the wall

'For as long as our world has existed, there has been a force that seeks to corrupt and pervert anypony and everything it can. It is what caused Luna to become Nightmare Moon, it is even what caused you to change from playful to malevolent, Discord. And now I fear it is growing in strength again, having used the Duchesses pride in her species, and her dislike of humans to feed.

'Feed? Like the Changelings?' Cadence asked fearfully

'Yes, it feeds on negative emotions, makes them stronger. If it can, it will totally possess a person, trapping the good within, never to be freed, unless confronted with a massive amount of positivity.'

'So how in Equestria do we counter it?' Rarity asked

'The best we can do is be vigilant. I cannot be certain my fears are correct, it has always been subtle, and acting too soon will play right into its plans.If we reveal our power too soon it will be able to adapt to negate whatever we do. We can only hope the power of the Crystal heart will be enough to keep it at bay.'

Wedding bells & the alarms of war

I wandered around the streets of Ponyville trying to decide what I should buy as treats for Milky, Lightning and Octavia. On my way home I had decided to stop off and buy them gifts for being so understanding (and to apologise). I knew I wanted to get something sweet for them, but what? In the heat of the day, I was slightly regretting wearing my blue pinstripe three-piece, but I did look good, and the straw Trilby hat and John Lennon sunglasses made me look rather classy, even if I felt like a pig in a blanket.

I passed by Sugarcube Corner, baked goods wouldn't be easy to keep in good condition on the journey home. Besides which, I knew that a certain hyperactive pink pony worked there, and I had no energy to deal with her today. So, that not being an option, I turned down another street, and I saw a sweet shop.

'Perfect!' I thought aloud, the moment I saw it

A bell rang as I pushed the door open, and I was greeted by a filly with a bright red curly mane, large glasses and a pale coat.

'Hi there mister, come to buy some thweets?' she asked, smiling up at me

Oh bless, she had the most adorable lisp!

I pulled off my sunglasses, and carefully slipped them into my top breast pocket.'Ah, yes, I've come to choose some sweets for my fiancées.' I replied smiling back, accidentally showing my teeth, but to my surprise, she wasn't scared, and merely grinned even wider.

She turned around, showing her cutie mark of two candy canes forming a heart, 'Mom! You've got a customer!' she called out in the direction of what was clearly the stock room.

'Coming dear!' came the reply, and moments later, a unicorn mare with almost the same colours came out of the back room. 'Oh!' she gave a slight double take when she saw me, but soon recovered, I guessed she still wasn't used to humans.'How may I help you today?' she asked with a shopkeepers smile.

'I'd like to buy my fiancées some sweets as presents since I've been away on business in Canterlot, leaving them alone in - shall we say "delicate condition"?' I said, so that the young filly would be out of the loop.

Her mother however gave me a knowing nod, 'We have an excellent range of candies and chocolates that any mare would love to receive.'

I was shown around the shop and the young filly trailed behind, pointing out certain sweets to me.

'Oh, oh! Try those truffles!' she exclaimed eagerly as we passed by a container marked "Chocolate truffle"

'Hmm, are they real truffles?' I asked her mother

'They sure are! Black truffles from right here in Ponyville!' she said brightly 'The Apple family lets us borrow one of their pigs to sniff them out - and they're very good at picking only the very best ones!'

'Well then, I'll take a box of them! Good suggestion kid.'I added, with a smile at the filly

I knew that Octavia, with her refined tastes would love truffles.

Soon,my eye was drawn to some Turkish Delight, and I knew that Milky loved Turkish Delight 'I'll take a box of that, please.' I said, pointing it out to her

Finally, for Lightning Dust, I picked out some caramel squares, which were her favourites. 'That's all for now.' I told the mare and we returned to the counter.

'Hey Mister, wanna try some candy canes?' the young filly asked hopefully, pointing at a jar of peppermint candy canes 'I made them myself!' she added, smiling cheerfully

My heart was melting at her cuteness and enthusiasm.

'Come on now, Twist, don't bother the man so!' her mother chided her

'Oh, sorry.' she said softly, her smile fading

'It's okay ma’am, it's no bother at all.' I looked into the now hopeful face of her daughter 'You say you made these all by yourself?' I asked, in a tone which I hoped showed I was impressed, which I was.

She nodded so forcefully that her glasses slipped a little, and she paused to push them back on her muzzle.

'Yep, it's my spethial talent!'

I smiled at the way she pronounced "special", it was too precious!

'Well then "Twist", was it?' I asked, pretending I wasn't sure of her name, and she beamed at my use of it, 'I'm sure they're delicious, I'll take four.'

'Really? Thanks!' she cried, jumping a foot in the air with glee

I chuckled, 'How much do I owe?' I asked her mother, who was looking a little annoyed at this point, it seemed she was a bit of an overbearing mother. Not cruel, but very concerned with "proper" behaviour, and, despite my assertion to the contrary, she clearly felt that Twist was "bothering" a customer.

'That'll be twenty-five bits, please.' she said, ringing up the sale on the register

'Certainly!' I said and placed the coins on the counter 'And... here's five bits for the budding little confectioner!' I added, pushing five gold coins towards Twist

Her mother opened her mouth to protest, but I cut her off. 'No, I insist! She was so very helpful and that deserves encouragement.' I said firmly

Twist looked from me to her mother, an expectant look on her face.

At length, Twists' mother sighed, 'Fine, go on - but be sure to thank the nice man.'

Twist gleefully scooped up her money 'Thanks mister!' she said happily as she did so

'You're welcome bairn' I said, using a Newcastle expression for "child" that my Nan had often used for myself and my brother

I picked up the basket that my purchases had been put in, and I left the shop.

I put down the basket just outside the door and put my sunglasses back on. As I was about to pick up the little basket again, a pair of shutters in the shop wall flew open, revealing Twists eager face.

'Hey, erm will you be coming again?' she asked shyly, rubbing her fore hooves together

'Back to Ponyville? Most likely.' I replied casually, straightening up to face her

'Oh, and what about to the shop?' she replied, looking worried for some reason

'Of course, this is the finest sweet shop in town!' I ruffled her mane affectionately 'Tell your mother I won't shop anywhere else for sweets!'

I figured maybe her mum thought that she had cost the shop a repeat customer, so I decided to send a message to dispel that myth.

She was blushing slightly, but looked relieved 'Oh, good, then bye for now.'

'Goodbye miss Twist.' I replied, and tugged my forelock in an exaggerated show of respect before stooping down and taking up the basket.

She giggled, and I turned to walk away. A few meters down the road, I looked over my shoulder, and she was still hanging out the window, waving frantically. With a smile I continued on my way home.

As I walled down the hallway to my apartment, The strains of cello music reached my ears, and I felt at peace knowing I was home.

I opened the door, and in as hammy a manner I could, I called out, 'Honey, I'm home!'

Milky looked up from a book she was reading, and Octavia stopped playing and I noticed somepony was missing. 'Where's Lighting Dust?' I asked them

''She said she was bored, so she went for a fly. She shouldn't be too far away' Octavia replied, preparing to resume her playing

'Oh, that's good because I have some news for all of you.'

I walked over to the window, turned my head to face Milky and Octavia, 'You might want to cover your ears for a moment.' I warned them before I stuck my head out and put two fingers in my mouth, took a deep breath before giving an ear-piercing whistle. I then made a crude megaphone with my hands and bellowed 'Lightning Dust!' at the top of my lungs

'There, that ought to have got her attention, eh?' I asked them as I turned around, a grin on my face

Their faces were blank with shock, I don't think either of them expected me to be so...uncouth. I stopped smiling immediately.

'Don't worry, that's the sort of thing she responds to, that's all. I'm not actually that ill-mannered.' I said reassuringly

'Says you!' retorted Lighting from behind my shoulder

I turned back to see that she was hovering just outside the window, 'Hello darling, lovely to see you again, I missed you while I was away.' I told said, before kissing her on the nose

She blushed, and was so shocked that she almost fell out of the sky, but she swiftly recovered both her composure and her balance.

'Well, are you going to let me in or what?' she asked sullenly, and she had a point, I was blocking the window

'Sorry, yes of course I'll let you in.' I said, stepping back, allowing her to zip in as fast as... well, as fast as lightning.

I took a seat in my armchair, and cleared my throat, 'Okay my loves, I've got some good news, an announcement and... I come bearing gifts!' I finished with a flourish, holding up the basket of sweets as if it were a trophy.'

All three of them looked at me expectantly, so I continued. 'I passed on your message, and from all that happened at the meeting, I have good reason to believe that the potion will soon become widely available.'

The reaction was instantaneous, 'Oh honey! If you're right that would be wonderful!' cried Octavia

'I knew you could do it!' shouted Milky, smiling warmly at me

'Huh, you did good...I suppose.' murmured Lightning reluctantly, still pouting slightly

Not phased at her apparent lack of enthusiasm, I ploughed ahead.

'Next, I have an announcement to make. While I was away I did a lot of thinking. I began thinking about what is most important to me.' I said, looking at all three of them

'And?' they all said in near unison, looking expectantly at me

'And I realised that what is the most important to me is you three and our foals. So I've decided to ask Ever Ring to limit my clients from now until the foals are older. I know that you said you weren't going to ask me to stop, but I feel this it the right thing to do.'

All three looked like they wanted to speak, but I wanted to maintain the inertia I'd built up, so kept going.

'Listen, I know that things seem to be moving so fast lately, what with you all being pregnant, and having to arrange a wedding on such short notice, but I promise that I'll do everything I can to slow the pace - let us all catch our breaths so to speak.''

Milky was the first to speak up, 'If you think that's the right thing to do, then I trust you.' she said

I looked over to Octavia, 'I agree, I trust your judgement.' she said calmly, her face as serene as it usually was.

'And you, Lightning?' I asked, turning to face her

'If you want to, I'm not going to stop you.' she replied grumpily, alighting on my armchair

I guessed she was cross at me for showing affection in public, so I decided to give her present first.

'And now for the gifts! For you Lightning, I have some delicious caramel squares.' I said, pulling the box out of the basket

'C-caramel squares?' she stammered, a look of surprise on her face, 'Those are my favourite, how did you know?'

I grinned, 'Because you buy them every chance you get.' I replied, smiling knowingly

She blushed, and fixed her gaze on the floor.

To spare her any further embarrassment, I moved on to Octavia's gift.

'For you Octavia, I have some black truffles in chocolate, fresh from Ponyville' I said, and passed her the box

'And last, but of course not least, I have Turkish delight for you Milky.' I said and she gave a squeak of delight before taking the box by the ribbon.

'I also have something extra.' I said, presenting the candy canes 'These were made by the most adorable filly with a talent for sweet making, not to mention customer service.' I said, passing them out.

It was a week before the wedding, and we were heading to Trottingham to make the final preparations. Every RSVP had come in, and Octavia had done an amazing job of organising so much of it. We had flowers from Floreat, food from various stores including Sugarcube Corner, and the dresses were from Carousel boutique, which was owned by Equestria hottest up and coming fashion designer - or so I was told. As to accommodation, the four of us plus Mike and my parents would be staying in Milky's little cottage. It would be a tight squeeze, but we'd manage. The other guests would be staying at the Rose & Thorn . Eiderdown had given a very generous discount and we decided to invite her as well.

'Is that the last of them?' I asked, hefting a heavy suitcase onto the taxi

'That's the last of them.' confirmed Octavia, climbing into the carriage

Before we went to Milky's cottage, we stopped at Eiderdowns' bed and breakfast to give her the invitation

'Oh no! I couldn't possibly!' she gasped when we attempted to give it to her

'But Eiderdown, if it weren't for you, Milky and I might never have gotten together.' I pointed out, looking down at Milky with a smile

She looked a little unsure, but finally she took the invite in her mouth, and pinned it securely to her cork board.

'Thank you, this is just too wonderful!' she gushed

'You're welcome, it means a lot to us too.' Milky replied, smiling brightly

'We'll be going now Eiderdown, we'll see at the wedding - Half past three on the dot.' I said genially and Milky and I returned home.

It was the evening of the last day before the wedding, and we were still awaiting the arrival of Michael.

'Do you think he's going to come?' my mother asked anxiously, 'Can't have a wedding without a best man!'

'Of course he is, but you know what it's like at the portal, there are backlogs sometimes.' I replied, slightly peeved - she had been worrying and interfering almost constantly since she arrived.

Her first response to the flowers was 'Oh no, no no! They simply don't match the tablecloths at all!' When I pointed out that they were done by a professional florist, she moved on to the dance floor 'Do you think it's big enough?' she fretted when she saw it. It went on and on like that the whole day.

'Mike, hurry up and get here!' I prayed fervently in my mind, I don't think I could stand much more of her fussing and attempts to change things to her tastes.

Almost as if on cue, the sound of a motorbike filled the air. I listened as the engine slowed, began to idle and then shut off.

'That's him now! I'm sure of it!' I cried and rushed to the window, and sure enough, Mike was climbing off his motorbike. He was clearly visible because he had altered his bike and his riding suit so that he looked like he had stepped out of Tron, light tape covered various parts of the bike, and his suit looked completely accurate, even including a circle of light on his back where the ID disk would be.

'I was right!' I called over my shoulder and turned back to see Mike take off his helmet and wave to me.

I dashed from the window, flung opened the door and marched over to where Mike was securing his bike.

'Mike!' we embraced quickly and I took half a step back. 'How on Earth did you get clearance to bring a vehicle through?' I asked incredulously, as I surveyed his Ducati 2008 Sport Classic 1000. To bring in a vehicle for non-essential reasons, you had to fill in a form detailing what type of vehicle you wanted to bring, why you were visiting, and why you felt you should be allowed to bring your vehicle with you. It was a long and complicated procedure.

He shrugged, 'I dunno, when I got your invite, I wrote up my RSVP right away, an' then I got thinking I didn't want to go anywhere without my baby.' At which point, he stroked the bike tenderly, gazing at it with an expression normally reserved for a lover, or ones child. 'So, I printed off the forms, sent 'em in and next thing I know I've got clearance.' he said, a broad grin on his lips

'Well whatever the case, I'm glad you've made it - at least it'll give my mum one less thing to worry about.'

He laughed, 'I like your mum, she always has a good grasp of the situation.'

'Yes, so I've been reminded.' I said dryly, rolling my eyes as I showed him in

I sat him down in the cosy living room where everyone else was waiting.

'Mike, you've met my parents before, so allow me to introduce my fiancées, Lightning Dust, Milky Way and Octavia.' I said, pointing them out in turn

'A pleasure to make your acquaintance ladies.' he said, nodding to each of them by way of greeting

That night, he and I were having a chat outside so that he could smoke a cigarette.

'I thought you quit?' I choked, as smoke wafted across my face when the wind shifted

'I'm tryin' to!' he protested, 'I've cut down a lot recently.'

'So, have you got your speech written?' I asked, deciding to change the subject

He leaned back against the wall, 'Mostly, I think I'll wing it - add in some funny anecdotes. Hey Ed, remember that time in Blackpool, you -'

'No, I don't!' I said sharply, flushing red in the face 'And neither do you.' I added sternly

Mike chuckled, 'All right mate, don't get yer knickers twisted! I won't mention that.' and he grinned like a Cheshire cat

That bastard! it had been a wind up all along! I should have known he'd never tell anyone about that.

Michael took a drag of his cigarette, 'D'you think Richard will make it back from the Griffon kingdom in time?'

I sighed, I had no idea, only hope. 'I hope so, he said he should be back tomorrow at lunchtime, but who knows?' I shrugged

I yawned, and stretched my arms 'Well, I'm off to bed, see you in the morning.'

'Goodnight mate.' came the whispered response

Next morning we all headed out to Nutwood Common to finish setting up. The large purple and silver marquee had been set up with smaller tents adjoining it, bolstered with plywood with toilets nearby, and a cooking tent stood at a safe distance away.

I stood out side the park entrance, it was just an hour before the wedding, and I was still hopeful that my brother would arrive in time. He had directions, but mother was worried he'd miss the entrance.

'Go and wait by the entrance so he sees you!' she had nagged me, I had learned in my childhood it was best to give in without a fight, so I went.

I was half leaning, half sitting on the low rock wall that bordered the common, watching the guests mingle before the ceremony.

A low rumble reached my ears, and I looked towards it and saw a vehicle approaching, a faint dust cloud kicking up off the dirt road. As it got closer, I could see it was an army Jeep.

It pulled up right in front of me, and Richard climbed out slowly, carrying his dress uniform on a dry cleaners hanger in one hand and his dress shoes in the other.

When he turned around, I saw that he had a large bruise around his left eye, and a deep cut, with stitches on his right cheek 'Richard, what the hell!' I blurted out before I could think of anything more sensible to say

'I'll explain later, come on and show me where I can get into this.' he replied tersely, lifting up the uniform to keep it off the grass

As we walked over to the large marquee, I noticed that he was limping slightly, but I didn't have time for questions right then.

'Right, through here.' I said, leading him to the men’s changing area

'Thanks.' He said simply, and closed the curtain behind himself

Because I had nothing else to do, I stood outside the changing room where he was getting into his uniform.

I suddenly heard him give a muted cry of pain,'God damn pigeon!' he said, and I could hear the pain in his voice

I knocked on the plywood wall, 'Dick, you alright mate?' I asked

Another grunt of pain, 'Yeah Ed, I'm fine don't worry, leave that to auntie Jane.'

I didn't buy it so I opened the curtain, and what I saw shocked me. The left side of his torso was almost completely covered by a vivid purple and yellow bruise!

'Christ almighty, Richard, what the hell happened to you?'

'Nothing, I just got into a bit of a scuffle with a Griffon is all.' he said airily, as if fighting a griffon was as normal as a Saturday night brawl with some drunk loser.

'I thought it was supposed to be a diplomatic mission?' I said, stepping closer to get a better look

'It was, and a successful one too, but this one griffon and I didn't see eye to eye on certain matters and well, we had a duel.'

I was aghast, 'You actually fought a griffon?! He could have killed you!'

'Yes I did, and she almost did, or at least she claimed she would have if the duel hadn't been broken up.'

'Jesus, any major damage?' I asked in wonder

'Na, just a bruised rib or two, I gave a fairly good account of myself - she didn't expect humans to be such good fighters.' he said smugly

I looked doubtfully at his injuries, 'If you say so mate. Do you want me to help you change?'

He hesitated for a while, I guessed he was weighing up between the pain of dressing unaided, and his pride.

'Yeah, fine.' he replied, and pointed to his shirt, hanging up on the wall 'Help me get into that for a start.'

After helping Richard dress, I went to go through the pre ceremony talk with the celebrant, a middle-aged stallion whose cutie mark was two hearts bound in golden thread.

I stood at the end of a long red carpet, my back to the main entrance, and when band began playing Pachelbel's canon in D, my heart began to hammer, and I had to take a few deep breaths to calm my nerves.

Soon I was flanked by Octavia and Milky and when I looked down into their faces, they looked simply radiant.

The celebrant cleared his throat, 'Dearly beloved, we are gathered here, on this day blessed by Celestia to unite three hearts in matrimony. The groom has written his own vows, which he will now read.'

I cleared my throat and began ' Before I begin the vows proper, I want to say that even though officially I am only marrying Milky and Octavia, I will also consider myself your husband too Lightning.' I said with a glance to where she sat next to my parents. She blushed bright red, but she also smiled, so I knew she was happy at being included

'My dear Milky Way, my darling Octavia, here, today, in front of our family and friends I want to declare that through any kind of weather I want us to be together. I want you to know I love you more than I thought a man could love. But more than love, I offer you fidelity, honour and my very life.

The celebrant gave me entirely too much credit when he said I wrote these vows myself. In a sense he's correct, but not all the words are of my own composition. However, a wise person once told me that what matters most is that the emotions behind the words one speaks are your own, honest feelings. That said, I want to quote "I will be here" by Steven Curtis Chapman.

"If in the morning when you wake,

If the sun does not appear,

I will be here.

If in the dark we lose sight of love,

Hold my hand and have no fear,

I will be here.

I will be here,

When you feel like being quiet,

When you need to speak your mind I will listen.

Through the winning, losing, and trying we'll be together,

And I will be here.

If in the morning when you wake,

If the future is unclear,

I will be here.

As sure as seasons were made for change,

Our lifetimes were made for years,

I will be here.

I will be here,

And you can cry on my shoulder,

When the mirror tells us we're older.

I will hold you, to watch you grow in beauty,

And tell you all the things you are to me.

We'll be together and I will be here.

I will be true to the promises I've made,

To you and to the one who gave you to me.

I will be here."

Both were close to tears, and much as she denies it, I swear to this day that when I next saw Lightning Dust, her eyes were a little puffy.

'And now, I ask both mares, do you, Milky Way, and Octavia Trebleclef take this man to be your husband? Do you vow to stay together in fair weather or foul, when the grass is green and when it is brown?'

'I do' choked Milky, her voice thick with emotion

'I do' echoed Octavia, with but a slight quiver in her voice

The celebrant smiled, and turned to face me.

'And now I must ask, do you Edmund Johnson take these mares to be your wives? Do you vow to stay together in fair weather or foul, when the grass is green and when it is brown?'

'I do' I replied

'You have the rings?' The celebrant asked Mike gently.

Michael held a velvet cushion on which the rings sat. They were more like bracelets, designed to fit snugly around a pony's hoof. The rings I had bought looked like simple gold bands, but had been magically engraved with their owners cutie marks that glowed white when worn.Taking the rings, I set them on the floor in front of my brides.

'With these rings, I declare my eternal love for you.' I said as I slipped it onto their hooves. As I did so, the marks appeared, glowing brightly with pure, white light.

The celebrant then cleared his throat, and called out 'If any pony has a valid reason why these hearts should not be wed, then I invite them to speak now, or forever hold their peace.'

There was a pregnant pause before the celebrant continued.

'Then I declare you mares and groom, you may kiss the groom.'

I knelt down on one knee, Milky Way and Octavia then kissed my cheeks simultaneously. I then kissed Octavia and Milky separately, this wasn't part of a normal polygamous marriage, but we had decided on a mix of Earth and Equestria customs.

'Ladies and gentlemen, fillies and gentle-colts, please join me in congratulating the newly-weds!' the celebrant called out.

The guests rose to their feet (or hooves) and cheered, clapped and stomped on the ground

From there we moved to the traditional cutting of the cake, and soon it was speech time. I tapped a fork gently against a champagne flute, and when silence fell, I stood up to address the crowd.

'First of all, my wives and I want to thank you all for coming to share this day with us. This past year has been one of the most hectic, and also the most rewarding I've ever had. I have made many new friends, and renewed old ones too. But more than that I have met three amazing mares, with whom I am happy to be building a new life with. I would ask that you join me in showing appreciation to these wonderful ladies.' I said, and began clapping, to which the guests joined in.

My dad spoke next, ' I'm not much for making speeches, so I'll keep this short. At first, I was shocked at the news my boy was having a polygamous marriage to ponies. But now that I have met them, I think my lad has found some wonderful ladies. Milky, Octavia - and you too Lightning Dust; welcome to the family!'

Next was Mike's speech, as could be counted on he was equal parts hilarious, and touching. He mixed funny anecdotes of our time at law school with personal observations on why I was such 'A good bloke, always ready to help anyone, even a young kid trying to refit into British life after five years in the states.'

The celebrant spoke into a megaphone, 'Ladies and gentlemen, please make way for the brides and groom as they take the first dance of the evening.' The band struck up and the singer began to sing "Love is the sweetest thing".

Love is the sweetest thing

what else on earth could ever bring

such happiness to everything

as love's old story?

We danced in a trio, since of course we couldn't dance exactly as a human couple would, but with my hand on their heads, and they keeping close to me, it felt just as romantic.

love is the strangest thing

no song of birds upon the wing

shall in our hearts more sweetly sing

than love's old story

'I just want to say again that I really do love you two.' I said softly as we danced.

whatever hearts may desire

whatever lies may say

this is the tale that never will tire

this is the song without end

'We know dear.' Octavia replied happily

love is the greatest thing

the oldest, yet the latest thing

As the last notes faded, the guests gave a round of applause

That evening, I walked around the common with Richard, the sounds of continued merriment wafted on the cool breeze.

'So married eh? You sure you're not making a mistake?' he asked at length

'Richard, I know that today must have brought up some painful memories, but marriage is - can be a wonderful thing.' I replied, leaning on a wooden fence next to a stile 'You shouldn't be afraid to love, your dad managed to find love again after the divorce.'

'I'm not afraid of love, I just don't have any time for it.' he retorted 'And I don't have any issues with my parents divorce.' he added, with an air of finality

'So why do you still use your mums maiden name? Why not change it back to Johnson?' I asked, looking askance at him.

He stared off into the distance, his gaze fixed on the orange glow showing at the horizon, the last light of the day.

He let out a drawn out sigh, 'Listen, Ed, can we not do this right now? I have something important to say.'

I blinked in shock, Was he being emotional? 'Sure thing Richard, go ahead.' I replied awestruck at him opening up like this.

He smiled weakly, 'I can't say too much, but when I get back to earth, I'll be returning to active duty. Something major is going on, despite the improvement in global security in the last five years, some places are still the same as ever.

There are places that are like the Balkans before the first world war - they need just one thing to set them off. If that happens, Britain may find itself at war - or at least committing manpower.'

I looked at him in puzzlement, what was he getting at? Did he really expect to go to war?

'Do you think Britain still has the capability to fight any more? I mean, we've expended so much in Afghanistan and Iraq...' I let the sentence trail off and looked at Richard, he had a look of deep introspection on his face.

'Tho' much is taken, much abides; and though

We are not now that strength which in old days

Moved earth and heaven; that which we are, we are;

One equal temper of heroic hearts,

Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will

To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.'

'Ulysses!' I said in amazement, I had no idea he knew Tennyson.

He grinned, 'You're not the only cultured one in the family after all!'

'Fair enough, I suppose... . Hey, hang on, I'll bet you nicked that from Skyfall!' I said, suddenly realising that I'd heard it in the latest Bond film.

Richard laughed, 'All right, you've got me bang to rights! But my point still stands, yes we're no longer an imperial power, but Britain is still great, and we will do our duty.'

I was genuinely in awe, he was being eloquent, philosophical and committed, all things I never thought he could be. The brief visit to the base on Neo Equinox gave me a hint, but this?

'That's probably the deepest thing I've ever heard from you.' I said truthfully

He laughed and looked at me once more, 'I may have to go into combat, and if the worst happens. . . if we never see each other again,' he clapped his hand on my shoulder and looked earnestly into my face, 'I want you to know that you're my brother, and whatever happens you always will be.'

I returned the gesture, 'Thanks Richard, I feel the same way, brothers forever!'

I considered the situation for a while then softly quoted From Henry V.

'Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more;

Or close the wall up with our English dead.

In peace there's nothing so becomes a man

As modest stillness and humility:

But when the blast of war blows in our ears,

Then imitate the action of the tiger;

Stiffen the sinews, summon up the blood,

Disguise fair nature with hard-favour'd rage;

Then lend the eye a terrible aspect;

Let pry through the portage of the head

Like the brass cannon; let the brow o'erwhelm it

As fearfully as doth a galled rock

O'erhang and jutty his confounded base,

Swill'd with the wild and wasteful ocean.

Now set the teeth and stretch the nostril wide,

Hold hard the breath and bend up every spirit

To his full height. On, on, you noblest English.

Whose blood is fet from fathers of war-proof!

Fathers that, like so many Alexanders,

Have in these parts from morn till even fought

And sheathed their swords for lack of argument:

Dishonour not your mothers; now attest

That those whom you call'd fathers did beget you.

Be copy now to men of grosser blood,

And teach them how to war. And you, good yeoman,

Whose limbs were made in England, show us here

The mettle of your pasture; let us swear

That you are worth your breeding; which I doubt not;

For there is none of you so mean and base,

That hath not noble lustre in your eyes.

I see you stand like greyhounds in the slips,

Straining upon the start. The game's afoot:

Follow your spirit, and upon this charge

Cry "God for Harry, England, and Saint George!" '

Richard grinned from ear to ear, 'Quite.' he said, attempting to imitate my received pronunciation.

We looked at each other and our faces slowly morphed from serious, to mirth before bursting into uproarious laughter.

Once we had gained control of ourselves, we stood and watched the suns glow fade into the darkness of a crisp, clear night.

By royal command

I start this entry by addressing you, the reader, as I suspect that the contents of this, my private journal are sure to hold some small historical significance in years to come. Hitherto, I have concerned myself with recounting the story of how I came to live in Equestria and work as both a lawyer and a Gentleman. But now, things that I had only a passing knowledge of, I find myself thrust in the midst of quite unexpectedly.

Three months had passed since my marriage, and all three of my brides were now showing their pregnancies, their stomachs visibly swollen. I had kept my promise and asked that I only be booked as a Gentleman very rarely, and had cut down my casework as a lawyer. I had decided that Manehatten was no place to raise foals, so I had terminated the lease on my apartment and bought a new house - a nice little cottage in the little village of Nutwood, a village 1.2 miles out of Trottingham. As my wives bellies grew, so did the gossip - both back home and locally. My parents wrote to me saying that the locals were outraged at my "shameful fornication" and that the Vicar had said he would not ever baptise my children. None of that bothered me one iota, I was happy. In my spare time, I wrote articles for Friends of Equestria about the need to spread acceptance of Human/pony relationships, and giving interviews on what it was like being married to three mares and the upcoming births.

It had been an ordinary day when we received a most unexpected guest.

'I'll get it.' I said when we heard a knock on the door. I got up off the bed and made my way to the door

Opening the door, I was surprised to find myself face to face with princess Celestia. 'Your Highness! What an unexpected honour!' I exclaimed with bowing of my head

She smiled, 'May I come in? I have something very important to discuss with you.'

Of course, your Highness come right in!' I said hurriedly and stood aside to let her in. As she walked past me I found myself appraising her elegant neck, the subtle curve of her back and the finely groomed feathers of her wings, with the tips resting on the plump roundness of her rump. Now that I looked, she was a very attractive mare, and I found myself wondering what she'd be like to have sex with. I shook my head to clear my mind of such thoughts, my eyes scrunched tight in concentration.

'Something wrong?' Celestia asked, having seen me

'Oh, no - nothing at all, I'm fine.' I replied a little hastily

'Are your wives here? It is really to them that I must speak to first.' she replied pleasantly, looking around our home

'Yes, please, make yourself at home and I'll go and get them.' I said and dashed from the room

'Who were you talking to?' demanded Lightning Dust as I skided to a halt at the bedroom door

'You're not going to belive this, but princess Celestia is in our living room!' I said in a stage whisper

'What! Celestia? She's here?!' Milky gasped 'I haven't done the dusting yet! Oh, she's going to think we're common as muck!' she cried, pulling her mane in nervousness

'Relax, darling, just come on out, she says she has something important to discuss with all of you.'

And so I lead them out to the living room where Celestia was sitting on the settee, when they saw her they kowtowed before taking their seats on the couch opposite

'My goodness, may I say, you ladies are looking simply wonderful! I hope the pregnancies aren't too difficult?' she said upon seeing their swollen bellies.

'I had some trouble with morning sickness, but that's cleared up now - Edmund was very supportive, so it wasn't too bad.' Milky replied, and when shesmiled up at me; my breath caught in my throat at her gaze.

'I did feel a bit unsettled for a while, but it passed soon enough.' answered Octavia as if it were of no concern

'I see, and what of you miss Lightning Dust?' she asked, turning her attention to her

'Heh, I felt nothing! Pregnancy is a piece of cake!' she boasted, with a smug look on her face

'Well then I'm glad that you three are doing so well.' Celestia replied serenely

'Can I get you a drink, your Highness?' I asked, my hands resting on the couch back.

'Oh, yes please.' she replied politely

'Wonderful, I'll put the kettle on then.'

'So, may I ask what brings you here, your Highness?' I asked as I filled the kettle

'First of all, I wanted to let you know that it has been decided that not only will the potion seized at the mansion of Duchess Château be made available at the clinics of qualified doctors, but that more should be made. It is partly due to you three, Edmund's passionate speech showed me just how much joy it will bring.'

'Oh your Highness, That's wonderful news!' gasped Milky Way, clapping her fore hooves to her mouth

I was busily engaged in finding a teapot, cups and saucers so I missed part of the conversation. While I was filling the teapot, I was able to pick it up again - the women were discussing foal names and such things as that.

'And what is the other reason?' I asked, taking a seat in my armchair and placing the tray laden with all that you'd need for a simple afternoon tea on the coffee table.

Celestia looked seriously at my wives and said 'Ladies, I am here to formally ask you, as Edmunds' wives, for Mutuatus nocte.'

'Borrowed night? What does that mean?' I blurted out

'It is an Equestrian tradition, seldom used nowadays whereby a mare without a stallion formally requests the use of stallion - often one she knows and respects - for the purposes of siring a foal.' Celestia explained

'Why Edmund?' Octavia said in a tone that boarded on aggressive

To my surprise, Celestia didn't seem at all offended and merely relied ' Because I believe he is a good and honourable man. He and I spoke privately after the summit, and I began to see that he was deeply concerned with doing the right thing, that he cared greatly for you. In fact I began to see that he had an almost inexhaustible amount of love. More than that, he couples his kindness with a wisdom seldom seen - even if, by his own admission, he does have some rather egregious lapses in common sense.'

Lightning Dust smirked at that, and nodded smugly

'Well then, when would you want to have Mutuatus nocte?' asked Octavia

In a little over a months time, I can feel my heat coming on, and it is already begining to affect some of my more sensitive guards.'

'Pardon my interruption, but how can you feel your heat a month out from it arriving? And how can it be affecting stallions?' I butted in, unable to keep from asking

'Alicorns do not have monthly cycles, but yearly ones, we live for thousands of years, so we learn quickly how to sense our heat. As to the effect on stallions, in the stage that I am in now, We begin to produce pheromones that stallions with heightened senses can detect. It makes them notice us as females - draws their gaze to certain areas they ordinarily wouldn’t focus on.'Celestia replied, as if she were commenting on the weather.

'And the gratuity?' Octavia asked sharply

'Hold on! isn't this just the same as being a Gentleman?! I provide a service - if you'll forgive me for using that term in such a crude manner - and get paid for it?' I exclaimed

'Oh no, it is a compensation paid to the mares for the use of their stallion, usually it was a small amount of money or it was a trade.' Celestia explained, 'But yes, in a way Gentlemen for Mares, and other companies whether they know it or not are continuing the tradition in a different form.

'So, the amount?' Octavia repeated doggedly

'Five hundred bits.' Celestia replied

'What!? That's ridiculous, if you want to use our stallion I won't accept anything less than one thousand!' retorted Octavia

'Six hundred and fifty then.'

'Nine hundred and eighty!'

'Seven hundred!' Celestia shot back fiercely

'Eight hundred and seventy! Edmund is no ordinary stallion, he is attentive and talented in mating.' boasted Octavia, 'You're going to have to pay for guaranteed satisfaction and pregnancy you know.'

I was shocked at being talked about as if I were just a commodity, and the forthrightness with which Octavia spoke. They continued to haggle, slowly reaching a figure of seven hundred and eighty bits.

'Agreed! For seven hundred and eighty bits, you may have our stallion for one night.' Octavia said, and then she and Celestia touched noses in a show of friendliness.

'What was all that about?' I asked Octavia when Celestia had left

'Oh, of course, you don't understand some of our more antiquated customs. Part of the tradition is that the mares haggle over the compensation - pulling no punches in trying to get the price they want.'

'Oh, all right then, ' I said weakly ' thanks for sticking up for me.'

'I meant every word my love.'

One month later, a scroll materialised right in front of me. I unfurled it and read:

"Dear Edmund,

My heat is upon me and I ask that you come to the castle tomorrow night. For secrecies sake I ask that you come on the pretext of coming to offer me legal advice. Please reply on the enclosed parchment as soon as possible.

Yours,

Celestia "

I then noticed a second sheet of parchment, which was blank. I laid it flat on my desk, and secured it with paperweights.
Frowning slightly as I dipped my quill into the inkwell, I began writing the reply.

" Your Highness,

I will of course attend you tomorrow night as requested, and I will likewise maintain the illusion of supplying my services as a lawyer.

Yours faithfully,

Edmund Johnson"

Once the ink was dry, I rolled up the scroll and sealed it. To my surprise, it vanished with a flash of golden magic aura.

Mere moments later, yet another scroll appeared before me. It simply read:

"Thank you, I will send a chariot at 5 O'clock tomorrow."

And at five the following evening, I was wearing a suit, and had a file with Celestia's name on it in my hand when a gilded chariot pulled by two pegasi arrived

'Well my dears, that's my ride, so I'll see you all tomorrow.' I told my wives as I adjusted my tie

'Goodbye darling' came the reply in chorus

I stooped down and kissed each of them in turn

'This is a kind thing you're doing for Celestia, and you know I'm proud of you all, don't you?' I asked

'We know, now just go darling, don't keep a lady waiting.' Octavia said tenderly

And so, my goodbyes said, I left.

I was met at the castle by a solitary guard, as anonymous as any other.

'Follow me.' he said curtly

And so, I trod after him, my footsteps echoing in pace with his hoofsteps on the marble floor.

We halted before a set of double doors with ornate carvings 'These are the private chambers of her Highness, go straight in - she is expecting you.' he said and without so much as a second glance, turned tail and left.

With some trepidation, I pushed on the doors. Despite their size, they were much lighter than I expected. As I entered, I was hit by a veritable blast of heat, my suit seemed to shrink and my tongue felt like a dead thing in my mouth.

'Your Highness? It's me Edmund, where are you?' I called out

'Over here' I heard her call out from beyond a veiled archway

I entered, and I saw Celestia lying on a sofa, with a look that was familiar to me by now. It was the look of a mare in heat

'I am at your service, your Highness.' I said with a bow

'Then please, begin.' she replied

With barely restrained excitement and not a little nervousness, I began to strip. Here was I, about to have sex with the most beloved princess Celestia, the beautiful Celestia was going to have my foal!

Before long I was naked, and without further ado I moved to the sofa and once I was behind her, I was met with a glorious sight! Celestia's plump, round haunches were almost enough to make me cum then and there, to say nothing of the thick-lipped pure white vulva dripping with juices and the winking of her fat clit.

'With your permission your highness.' I said as I slid my raging erection into her royal marehood. It was hot, almost too hot and so very tight!

She let out a low moan of pleasure as I did so, which drove me wild with lust. Again, my brain switched to autopilot, and all I could think about was my release. And so, grabbing onto her wide hips, I thrust away like a man possessed. Eventually I felt the approach of my climax and with a bestial grunt, I ploughed deep into Celestia, and blasted my load right at her cervix before collapsing on the floor with exhaustion.

'Forgive me your Highness, it...it's just it's very hot in here.' I panted as I lay sprawled on the marble floor

'I'm afraid that's my fault, my powers go a bit out of control whenever I'm in heat.' she replied

'Oh, then it's not your fault your highness -'

'Please, call me "Celestia" Edmund' she interjected

'OK, then... Celestia.' I amended, blushing slightly at the novelty of speaking to a ruler so casually 'Is their some water around? I feel rather thirsty.'

'Of course, it's out on the balcony.' she replied

I put on a dressing gown that was there and pushed open the large doors that led to the balcony and the effect of the cool night air on my skin was marvellous! I found a large carafe full of water and several glasses on a silver tray on a small table and I gulped down three glasses of cool water in quick succession. Suitably re-hydrated, I went back inside, casting aside the gown as I did.

The smell of Celestia's heat, which was already strong, became all pervading, and I knew another cycle was starting. My body knew it too, and I felt myself become erect again. As I approached, Celestia gave me a pleading look and almost spoke, but I put a finger to my lips, and she remained silent. Without a single word, I walked up behind her, and slowly slid myself into her sweltering pussy

'Ahh, yes!! That's wonderful!! Oh, please make love to me! I need to feel your seed inside me!' she whined with lust

I leant forward and kissed her on the base of her neck, 'Don't worry Celestia, I'm going to make this a good one.' I said gently

And half an hour later, I brought her to a powerful climax, at which point I came as well.

'Oh my, that was unbelievable!' she said after the initial pleasure had ebbed away 'I'm feeling rather giddy still.'

'Me too!' I replied, slumping to the floor by her head 'If I may say so, you were fantastic.'

'Oh, I don't know..' she replied sheepishly

'Trust me on this Celestia, you were.'

She giggled demurely 'If you say so.'

With nothing to do until her next phase, we talked.

'Well, one of my favourite authors from your world is Tolkien - he had such an imagination! I almost believe that all those people and places really did exist! And the films are amazing too!'

'He's one of my favourite authors too! He was a brilliant writer.' I agreed 'But the films still cut a lot of good stuff out though'

Soon the topic of family came up.

'Well Luna is very happy these days, I think she has a special somepony; and I can see why.' she added bitterly

'What do you mean, Celestia?' I asked, concerned at her tone

'Well, she's young and pretty and trim! Whereas I'm old, ugly and flabby! I eat too much and I don't exercise enough.' she finish lamely

I reached up and stroked her face, 'Celestia, you're not.' I said firmly, wiping away her tears

'Not what?' she sniffled

'Not " old, ugly and flabby", not at all!' I explained 'I know you're concerned about your haunches, but they're sexy! I love those big plump haunches of yours!'

'Y-you do?' she said, smiling faintly

'Yes, let me prove it.' I said getting to my feet and returning to her rear. Once there, I began massaging and caressing her buttocks and lavishing kisses on them. I had to admit, the scent of her sweat and the taste of her body were amazingly erotic.

'Edmund, come here to me please.' she said after a while

When I moved back to where I was before, I was taken aback when she kissed me forcefully, even slipping her tongue in.

'Thank you Edmund, I have never known such tenderness.' she told me, blushing bright red 'It's just that as Princess it gets very lonely sometimes. So much of your life is taken up with affairs of the state, that there is no time for, well you know.'

'Affairs of the heart? I can only imagine what that must be like.'

'Yes, thank you Edmund.' she replied, resting her head on my shoulder

The next morning I set off home again, but not before making a detour to a certain sweet-shop.

The bell jangled as I entered, and a mass of curly red mane poked out from between two barrels full of toffees.

'It's you!' she cried, her voice rising with excitement

'Yes, Miss Twist, I have come back, just I promised I would,' I chuckled 'And I hope you know what I've come to buy.'

I sure do! Chocolate truffle, Turkish Delight and Caramel squares!' she piped

'Oh dear me, you forgot something.'

Her ears drooped, 'I did?'

'Yes, you forgot those delicious candy canes of yours.' I replied

'Oh!' she said, her face lighting up 'Mom, we've got a customer!'

When I returned home, I was very pleasantly surprised to see all three of my wives curled up asleep on the bed and, not wanting to disturb them, I tip-toed beck to the living room and read a book. But not before taking a short video of them, this was a home movie scene if ever there was one!

An hour later, they woke up.

'Edmund! You're back!' Lightning squealed as she tackled me around the waist when I left the bathroom

'I've missed you too darling!' I chuckled, ruffling her mane and pecking her on the nose

'Idiot! I didn't say I missed you.' she retorted, blushing bright red

'So, you didn't miss me, all right then.' I said offhandedly

'I didn't say I didn't miss you, dummy!' she blustered

'Oh? So why get all frustrated?' I teased

'Because, You shouldn't just assume that I did miss you.' she explained loftily

'All right then, my love. Are the others awake?'

'Yeah, you want me to let them know you're back?' she asked

'Yes please, I'll be in the living room.'

'OK then.' she said and walked away, her belly jiggling slightly

'Ed?' she called, and I turned around

'Yeah?'

'I did miss you.' she said softly

The next day,I woke up early, and I saw Milky lying next to me she was on her back, a contented smile on her face. Her teats were as swollen as her belly, and in fact beads of milk were forming. I couldn't resist the temptation, so I latched on to her left teat and began sucking her rich, creamy milk. She moaned an alluring moan and shifted slightly as I switched to her other teat, but didn't wake. As always, her milk and her soft moans were arousing to the extreme. Soon I had drank my fill, and made to go shower, but I felt a tug on my sleeve and turned to see Milky with her eyes half open.

'Please?' she said softly using her hooves to spread her soaking wet slit 'I need to feel you inside me.'

I nodded, and got between her legs. Then with gentle movements, I pulled out my cock and slid into her tight cunt.

'Oh yes, I've missed this so much!' she gasped as I hilted myself in her

'Me too my love, me too!' I whispered back

And I very slowly began fucking her sweet hole, both to avoid waking the others, and to avoid hurting the foal.

I thought I had achieved the former but I was wrong as I heard Octavia moaning, and I turned to see her rubbing her hoof on her marehood as she watched me plunge in and out of Milky. I indicated that she should come closer and when she did, I took over for her, using my fingers to mimic what I was doing to Milky.
'Hey! what about me?!' I heard Lightning complain from the far end of the bed

I stopped for a second and then figured out how we could make a foursome

OK, I'll tell you what, I'll lie down on my back, Then Milky can be on top, I can keep fingering you Octavia and Lightning, how about I eat you out?'

'Sounds good to me!' Lightning replied

And so we got in that arrangement and spent that whole morning giving each other pleasure. I made sure to cum at least once in each of them so that nopony felt left out.

Scarcely a month later, what was called the south east Asian crises began. North Korea declared war, and China, after a few feeble attempts to pacify its temperamental ally declared that in any conflict, it would be neutral. Meanwhile, South Korea and Japan signed a treaty whereby their armed forces would operate in tandem. Other Asia-pacific nations quickly moved to a war footing, and recruitment initiatives were taking place. Naturally, this meant that Richard was called back to active duty. He was stationed aboard the brand new carrier HMS Queen Elizabeth, and was now flying an F-35. He wrote often of how great a plane it was to fly, and told me the regular patrols were a "doddle" because no other planes could match them.

Two weeks after the official declaration of war, a scroll arrived in a flash of gold aura as I was at my desk. Seeing that it bore Celestia's personal seal, I opened it immediately.

'Dear Edmund,

I want to thank you again for a wonderful night, I truly appreciate all that you said and did.

I wish to inform you that I am indeed with foal, and therefore I must make an announcement soon. I ask that you and your wives come to Canterlot in a fortnights time
Yours, Celestia"

I reached for my pen, and wrote back,

" Dear Celestia, Once again you are most welcome, and your news makes me very happy. My wives and I will be honoured to be there for your announcement.

Yours, Edmund"

The next two weeks passed without incident, and the day itself was a gloriously sunny one. We caught the morning express to Canterlot and arrived at 1:15 pm. We were greeted at the castle entrance by a court official.

'Mr Johnson, right this way please.' he said, leading us to a back room.

Once inside, I saw that Celestia, together with her sister, whom I was surprised to see was accompanied by Prince Harry. The bearers of the elements of Harmony along with Discord, Prince Shining Armour and Princess Cadence as well as various high ranking nobles and civil servants were there too.

'I'm glad you could make it!' she greeted us warmly, and we took our seats

Seeing the confused looks on many faces, Celestia cleared her throat, 'Many of you are no doubt wondering why I have invited Mr Johnson and his wives to this most important of announcements. The simple answer is that he is the father of the foal or foals I am carrying. I wish to publicly declare that fact.'

'But your Highness! He's a commoner! We cannot have a commoner be the father of royalty!' objected Prince Blue Blood with barely disguised contempt

'You are quite right, and that is why I am making Mr Johnson an Earl.' she replied serenely

'An Earl? Celestia, thank you but..' I blurted out, shocked at such a suggestion

'But?' she asked gently

'I don't know if I can accept.' I said

'Edmund, please accept this, you truly deserve it.' she implored

I looked into those eyes, and I knew I could not refuse 'Yes, I thankfully accept.' I said, getting to one knee before her

'Well then, shall we begin? They will be waiting for the announcement.' she replied, and I stood and followed her out of the room
As I entered the great hall, I was almost overwhelmed! It seemed like the cremé de la cremé of Equestrian society was gathered together. A fanfare sounded, and a nomenclature cried out 'Princess Celestia of Equestria!' and everyone became silent

'My beloved subjects, I have called you here today to make an announcement that holds great significance - both for myself and for the kingdom!' she called out in a clear voice

'The first thing I must tell you is that after many years, I am with foal!'

The crowd murmured. What had she said? With foal? And then they bust into enthusiastic celebration.

'Yes, I am with foal, and it is thanks to my dear friend, Mr Edmund Johnson that this wonderful thing has happened.' Celestia continued once the crowd had fallen silent

'Equestrian law states that a commoner cannot be consort or sire to royalty, and for that reason, and others, I am of a mind to ennoble Mr Johnson. Are there any objections?'

The hall was deathly silent.

'Very good, Twilight?' she said and the lavender unicorn levitated an ornate scroll over to her

'CELESTIA the FIRST of Equestria and of Our other Realms and Territories, Princess, raiser and maintainer of the sun, supreme defender of Ponykind. To all Lords Spiritual and Temporal and all other Our Subjects whatsoever to whom these Presents shall come, Greetings!

Know Ye that We of Our especial grace, certain knowledge and mere motion do by these Presents erect, appoint and create Our right trusty and entirely beloved friend and counsellor, EDMUND JOHNSON to the dignity, state and degree of EARL Trottingham. And for Us Our heirs and successors do appoint, give and grant unto him the said name state degree, style, dignity, title and honour of Earl and by these Presents do dignify, invest and ennoble him by girding him with a sword and putting a cap of honour and a coronet of gold on his head...'

At which point, those items were placed upon me as well as a cope of velvet and mink fur.
'...to have and to hold the said name, degree style dignity title and honour of Earl unto him and the heirs male of his body lawfully begotten and to be begotten. Willing and by these Presents granting for Us, Our heirs and successors that he and his heirs male aforesaid and every of them successively may have, hold and possess a seat place and voice in the Parliaments and Public Assemblies and Councils of Us, Our heirs and successors within Our Kingdom amongst the Earls. And also that he and his heirs male aforesaid successively may enjoy and use all the rights privileges, pre-eminences, immunities and advantages to the degree of an Earl duly and of right belonging which Earls of Our Kingdom have heretofore used and enjoyed or as they do at present use and enjoy. To his wives and heirs female, I do dignify, invest and really ennoble them with such name, state, degree, title and honour of Countess of the aforesaid Trottingham, enjoying all privileges of that rank.

In Witness whereof We have caused these Our Letters to be made Patent. WITNESS Ourself at Canterlot the seventeenth day of March in the one thousandth, two hundred and thirty-seventh year of Our Reign "

I arose, and with a bow accepted my title of Nobility.

'Secondly, I must inform you that our safety is threatened. We cannot be sure when, where or even if our enemy will strike, But fear not! I have strengthened the border patrols, and recruitment to the royal defence forces is being doubled. The enemy seeks to prevent the birth of another Alicorn, because it knows that it will be defeated if such an event comes to pass. I know that by becoming pregnant I have put you at risk, but I ask for your forgiveness.'

The assembled guests unequivocally shouted their support, and I saw tears in Celestia's eyes.

'Thank you! Thank you all, from the bottom of my heart!' she cried out

'Soon I shall have to go into seclusion, and at that time I will leave you in the capable hooves of my dear sister, and my trusted protégé, Twilight Sparkle'

Before I knew it, the time came for the birth of my first three children. Strangely, Milky, Octavia and Lightning all went into labour within hours of each other. I am told that this is in fact a common occurrence in Ponies. I quickly rushed them to Trottingham hospital, where they had them in the maternity ward ASAP.

After several hours of labour, we four looked down on our foals.

Octavia was the first to give birth, and it was a filly, 'What do you want to call her?' I asked as I held our daughter, who looked like her mother in miniature

'Cadenza' she replied, smiling up at me

'Very well, Cadenza it is then.' I said, reaching down to stroke a stray strand of sweat soaked mane from her face 'Welcome to our family, my little Cadenza.' I said, setting her down in the crib as she slept
I recited Robert Burn's "A poet's welcome to his love-begotten daughter"
"Thou's welcome, wean; mishanter fa' me,
If thoughts o' thee, or yet thy mamie,
Shall ever daunton me or awe me,
My bonie lady,
Or if I blush when thou shalt ca' me
Tyta or daddie.

Tho' now they ca' me fornicator,
An' tease my name in kintry clatter,
The mair they talk, I'm kent the better,
E'en let them clash;
An auld wife's tongue's a feckless matter
To gie ane fash.

Welcome! my bonie, sweet, wee dochter,
Tho' ye come here a wee unsought for,
And tho' your comin' I hae fought for,
Baith kirk and queir;
Yet, by my faith, ye're no unwrought for,
That I shall swear!

Wee image o' my bonie Betty,
As fatherly I kiss and daut thee,
As dear, and near my heart I set thee
Wi' as gude will
As a' the priests had seen me get thee
That's out o' hell.

Sweet fruit o' mony a merry dint,
My funny toil is now a' tint,
Sin' thou came to the warl' asklent,
Which fools may scoff at;
In my last plack thy part's be in't
The better ha'f o't.

Tho' I should be the waur bestead,
Thou's be as braw and bienly clad,
And thy young years as nicely bred
Wi' education,
As ony brat o' wedlock's bed,
In a' thy station.

Lord grant that thou may aye inherit
Thy mither's person, grace, an' merit,
An' thy poor, worthless daddy's spirit,
Without his failins,
'Twill please me mair to see thee heir it,
Than stockit mailens.

For if thou be what I wad hae thee,
And tak the counsel I shall gie thee,
I'll never rue my trouble wi' thee,
The cost nor shame o't,
But be a loving father to thee,
And brag the name o't. "

Lightning was the next, and her foal was a colt. He had the same coat and mane colour as his mother, and despite still being recognisably pony, his face unmistakably reminded me of myself as a baby.

'Do you have a name in mind for the little guy?' I asked, sitting next to her as she fed him

'Yeah, the little guy used to do all sorts of tricks in me, felt like a storm at times, so I've decided to call him Hurricane.'

Last, but not least was Milky way, and she gave birth to twins, as we suspected she might.
One was a filly, and the other was a colt. The filly, who was the elder by about 5 minutes we named Éowyn and so it only made sense that we should call her brother Éomer.

And so began my journey of fatherhood. I was on paternity leave from both of my jobs which was a generous six months. I received a retainer of 800 bits each fortnight fro Gentlemen for Mares as an incentive to stay on their books and not leave the company.

Three months later, I received word from Celestia that she was going to be giving birth soon, and could I please come to the castle to be present for the birth?

After consulting with my wives, it was decided that I should go alone, and Eiderdown agreed to keep them company.

When I arrived at the castle, I was greeted by the new captain of the guard, Shield Strike.

'Her Highness awaits you in her chambers, your Grace.' she told me as I approached

'Thank you captain, but you may call me Edmund. And you can continue your duties, I know the way.' I replied

The castle seemed almost deserted, and was eerily quiet, my boots echoed loudly as I strode towards Celestia's private chambers.

When I entered, Celestia was lying on her four poster bed, her belly greatly swollen and she beamed at sight of me. She was being fussed over by a small army of servants, doctors and nursemaids.

'Edmund! I'd get up, but...' she trailed off

'It's OK, I'll come to you.' I smiled back

'Edmund, I have wonderful news! I'm carrying twins!' she told me as I sat on the bed next to her

'I thought you might be, but I didn't want to say anything in case I was wrong.' I admitted

'Such a gentleman!' she cooed, and pecked me on the cheek

'So, when do you expect to give birth?' I asked her

'Her Highness is expected to foal any day now, your Grace.' one of the doctors cut in

'Wow, really?'

Celestia nodded, 'Would you like to have a feel? They're pretty lively.'

'I'd love to!' I said, and I gently laid a trembling hand on her engorged belly. She was warm, and I had scarcely laid my hand down when I felt, and saw a kick.

Celestia winced, 'Oh, my that was a big one!' she said, trying to allay any fears the physicians may have had.

'Could I ask you to leave us? Edmund and I have some private matters to attend to. Do not disturb us for any reason until I ring for you' she said, and with much bowing, the assorted staff left the room.

'Edmund, I know it may seem like an odd request, considering the situation, but will you please make love to me? I have had such cravings during the last part of my pregnancy, and it would mean a lot to me if you could satisfy them for me.'

I leaned over and kissed her on the nose 'Of course, I'm happy to help.'

'Thank you, you have no idea what this means to me.' she breathed

'Shh! Just relax.' I said as I removed my clothes

I used the time it took to grow hard in foreplay with Celestia's plump white pussy, which was already dripping wet. When I slid my whole length inside her, she let out a muffled moan, and her vagina clamped down hard in waves.

'Did you cum, just from my putting it in?' I asked in awe

'Yes, I've wanted it for so long it felt too good!' she moaned

'Wow, that's so cute!' I said smiling

'Please, start moving.' she cried out softly with desire

'I'm sorry, let's continue.' I replied, and slowly began thrusting in and out of her

Fifteen minutes later, I blew my load inside her tight slit to an approving moan from Celestia.

She whispered a soft 'Thank you.' and then fell fast asleep

On the morning of the third day, Celestia went into labour. I couldn't be in the room because when an Alicorn gave birth, her powers went haywire, even more than during her heat. And with Celestia being connected with the sun, I would have been burnt to a crisp. Only unicorns who could cast a magic barrier around themselves and the room were able to be present.

And so, I was forced to pace back and forth outside the chambers, wincing at every moan and cry of pain. Even though Celestia wasn't my wife in any sense of the word, it killed me that I couldn't be at her side to comfort her,as I had for Milky, Lightning and Octavia.

After several hours of labour, the door opened, and a nurse exited.

'You may go in now your Grace.' she said with a slight bow

I rushed in, and there, on the bed was Celestia, and sleeping by her side were two Alicorn foals. One had the same white fur as her, but with a dark grey, almost black mane. The other had a bright gold mane, and a dark purple coat.

'Our son,' she said softly, indicating the first, 'and our daughter.' she continued, indicting the other.

'They're beautiful!' I whispered enthusiastically, kneeling next to the bed

'I hope you don't mind, but I've chosen the name for our son.'

'I don't mind at all.' I said, gently clasping her hoof in my hand

'Our son represents hope, the greatest hope for the future, and so, I've decided to call him "Estel" from Tolkein.'

'Just like Aragorn's code-name when he was a child.' I said quietly

Celestia nodded, 'Do you want to give him a second name?'

I thought for a moment, and said 'Yes how about Shadowfax? After the king of the Mearas?'

'That sounds lovely, Estel Shadowfax he is then.'

And our daughter's name I leave up to you Edmund.'

I looked down at my daughter, and marvelled at her mane, it looked like purest gold, like the first rays of sun bursting over the horizon.

'Goldenmane, we will call her Goldenmane.' I said, and a scribe dutifully wrote down that name on a sheet of parchment along with that of her brother. it was whisked off to I don't know where.

In the distance, a bell tolled, fireworks were let off and a magically enhanced voice announced: 'Princess Celestia is safely delivered of two healthy foals! Hereby announced are the births of Prince Estel Shadowfax and of Princess Goldenmane!'

A few days later, I returned home to my wives and my other children. I was the happiest I'd ever been in my life.

I shut the door behind me and walked into the living room to find Eiderdown sitting on the sofa.

Good afternoon Eiderdown! Where're the wives and foals? I asked as I hung up my coat.

'They're in the nursery, asleep dear.'

'Goodness Eiderdown, you sound so gloomy! You'd think that someone had died!' I chuckled at my own wit

I turned, and was surprised to see that she had tears in her eyes 'I'm so sorry deary..' she said, and pointed to a small card on the table

'What's this?' I said, and picked it up.

It was a telegram from the Ministry of defence.

'When did this arrive?' I asked

'Only yesterday, a nice young man from the British embassy delivered it. He never explained what it says, but by his expression, I think it is bad news.

'Oh, I'm sure it's nothing.' I said, and with nervousness bubbling to the surface, I opened it.

To be continued...

Glossary
Mishanter fa' me – bad luck to me
To gie an fash – to worry about
Daut – fondle
Dint – encounter
My funny…a' tin t- my pleasant labour is not all wasted
Askent – on the side
In my last plack…better half o't – You shall have the better half of my last farthing
The waur bested – the worse off for it
Stockit mailens – well-stocked farms

Author's Note

I'm so sory for the super long delay, I hope to have the next chapter out much sooner than this one.

Pride goeth before a fall

A few days later, I returned home to my wives and my other children. I was the happiest I'd ever been in my life.

I shut the door behind me and walked into the living room to find Eiderdown sitting on the sofa.

'Good afternoon Eiderdown! Where're the wives and foals? I asked as I hung up my coat.

'They're in the nursery, asleep dear.'

'Goodness Eiderdown, you sound so gloomy! You'd think that someone had died!' I chuckled at my own wit

I turned, and was surprised to see that she had tears in her eyes 'I'm so sorry deary..' she said, and pointed to a small card on the table

'What's this?' I said, and picked it up.

It was a telegram from the Ministry of defence.

'When did this arrive?' I asked

'Only yesterday, a nice young man from the British embassy delivered it. He never explained what it says, but by his expression, I think it is bad news.

'Oh, I'm sure it's nothing.' I said, and with nervousness bubbling to the surface, I opened it.

" To Mr Edmund Johnson,

We regret to inform you..."

I did not need to read any further, I knew that it was indeed bad news, but I felt compelled to continue anyway.

"...that your cousin, Flt. Lt Richard Johnson..." Here, I smiled faintly - He'd reverted to his birth surname after all! "...is missing in action."

The letter detailed how during an escort mission, a large number of enemy fighters were detected, and that Richard and another pilot had engaged them to allow the VIP to get away with the other two escorts. The letter concluded with the usual stuff about sympathies, and how they would keep me informed on the situation. But there was a postscript which caught my eye.

'Your cousin and his fellow pilot have been awarded the Victoria Cross for their selfless decision to engage a numerically superior enemy, knowing that in likelihood they would not survive the encounter. As per his wishes, you will soon receive all his uniforms and decorations, including the Victoria Cross.

I sat down heavily in my armchair. I was numb with shock, I feared the worst, and yet held out hope that he was still alive. The letter crumpled as I closed my fist around it, and I felt tears welling in my eyes.

'Edmund dear, are you alright? Silly me, of course you're not, let me make you a cup of tea.' Eiderdown said gently

'Yeah, I'd like that, thank you Eiderdown.' I replied, blinking back the tears

A few moments later, the high pitched whistle of the kettle sounded, and in a trice Eiderdown had a steaming mug of tea in my hands.

I cautiously blew it and took a sip 'Mmm, this is wonderful, how did you learn to make such great tea?' I asked

'Practice, dear.' came the simple response

My nerves suitably calmed after the tea, I made my way to the nursery.

The nursery was a smaller room separated from the master bedroom by an archway. In a previous life it had been a reading room but now, the desk was replaced by a changing table, Persian rugs had made way for futons and where an old sea chest had once sat were three cots (The twins refused to be separated, and so slept in the same cot)

Lying on their feeding futons were Milky Way, Octavia Trebleclef and Lightning Dust, fast asleep just as Eiderdown had said. Feeling emotionally drained, I grabbed a blanket and lay down to have a nap with them.

A few weeks later, a parcel arrived containing Richard's dress uniform and all the decorations he had been awarded, including his VC. Also included was a journal.

I had never known my brother to be the type to keep a journal, so curious as to its contents, I opened it at a random page.

"February 2 2013

The wedding was good, weird but good. I had a great chat with my little brother, he has grown up to be a decent guy in spite of still being a real swot. Now that I've got some leave, I think I'll spend some time exploring this place. Perhaps I'll challenge that overgrown pigeon to a rematch - once I've healed that is!"

I flipped through a few pages and stopped on March 10.

"So, turns out Gunhilda is pretty decent underneath her attitude -Damn good flier too! We went flying this afternoon (well she flew - I had to make do with a hang-glider) and for a ground griffon she has some nifty moves.

March 15

G invited me to some Griffon cultural festival, so I went and it was actually really interesting. It was in honour of their founder and I got the impression that this was the most important day of their year. It was a real honour to attend."

I flipped forward again.

'May 12

G has become a little strange of late. I catch her staring at me when she thinks I'm not looking, and then she acts like nothing happened. If I press the issue, she gets defensive and refuses to talk until I change the subject."

The journal was full of similar entries, detailing what he had done with this Gunhilda woman before returning to Earth and his correspondence with her afterwards. It seemed like they had become very good friends in the short time they were together. One of the later entries mentioned that he planed on visiting "G" again during his upcoming leave.

That night, I was woken again by the sound of one of the foals crying. I saw that Lightning had already gone to feed, so I knew that this time it was Hurricane.

I went into the nursery, to find her lying on her side with a somewhat pained expression on her face, and Hurricane sucking frantically at her teats.

'What's the matter my dear?' I asked, kneeling next to her

'I'm completely dry! I can't produce enough milk to satisfy him, he's just too thirsty!' she wailed, tears in her eyes

'It's OK Lightning, he can have some of mine.' I heard Milky say from behind us

'Wha - really?' gasped Lightning, scarcely daring to believe the offer

'Yeah; even with the twins, I have more than enough milk.' she replied, nuzzling her sister

She lay down on the futon, and I took Hurricane from his mother, and lay him in front of Milky's teats. He sniffed, hesitated and then eagerly latched onto the nearest teat.

'Wow Lightning, you weren't kidding! The little guy must take after his daddy, he loves milk so!' she exclaimed with a teasing glance my way

Soon, he was done and so I picked him up and patted him on the back until he burped. That done, he nuzzled his head into my shoulder.

'You go to bed, I'll put the little chap to bed myself.' I said, rocking him gently and humming a lullaby

'Thanks dear.' replied Milky, and she and Lightning made their way to the bedroom

Soon Hurricane started to drift off to sleep, so I gently placed him in his cot where he gave a yawn, and closed his eyes and that was it - he was out like a light.

I tiptoed into the bedroom, and slipped under the sheets and I too dropped off in an instant.

After what seemed like a mere second later, I was awoken from my rest by a loud rapping on the front door. Grumbling at the unwelcome intrusion into vital sleeping time, I shuffled zombie-like to the door. When I opened it, I found myself face to face with a very lithe female Griffon.

'Hey! You're Edmund, right?' she snapped without introducing herself

'I am; and you are?' I replied, fighting back a yawn

'Gunhilda, your brother's friend!'

'Oh, so you're Gunhilda!' I exclaimed

'Yeah, and your good-for-nothing brother was supposed to have paid me a visit by now - is he here?'

My heart stuck in my throat. How was I going to tell her the news? If she wanted to, she could do me some real damage.

'Well? Where is he?!' she demanded

'I'm afraid they don't know. He's missing in action.' I answered, opting to tell the plain truth

'Missing in action?! What does that mean? Why can't you humans speak plainly?' she replied irritably

'It means that he was last seen engaging the enemy, and they don't know if he's alive or was killed in action. The fact that they haven't found him or heard of his capture means that...' I explained, trailing off before saying the words I couldn't bring myself to say.

'Means what? What does it mean?!' she asked aggressively

I took a deep breath before saying, 'That they think that he's dead.'

Even on a beaked face I could read the expression on Gunhilda's face. It was the expression of one whose heart was breaking.

She turned, and took a few, halting steps. She stood still for a moment - no, not still - for she trembled almost imperceptibly. Then, without warning, she lifted her head skyward and emitted an ear piercing screech, flared her wings and took off without another word.

'Who in Equestria was that?' I heard Octavia ask as I closed the door

'A friend of Richards' - although I think she thought of him as more than a friend.' I replied, turning to face her

'You mean, she loved him?' she asked, frowning. Her mane was tangled, and her eyes were sleep encrusted and darkly bagged - the late night feedings were taking their toll.

'I think so, my love.' said I

'Do you think your brother felt the same way about her?'

'I don't know love, Richard always was open minded, but I don't know if he was that open minded.'

'Hmm.' she replied thoughtfully 'Well, I'm going...' here her reply was punctuated by a drawn out yawn '...back to sleep.' and with that, she turned tail and returned to the master bedroom.

A week later, Mike arrived to see how I was "holding up".

'Wow, you've got a pretty posh place here M'lud' he said in an exaggeratedly obsequious tone as I showed him around my cosy, but well-appointed cottage.

'It's nice, but it could be nicer.' I replied non-committally, taking my seat

'Come off it, that fridge/freezer there had to have cost eight-hundred bits at least!' he said with a laugh as he too sat down

'One thousand actually.' I said with a hint of a grin 'I am only going to get the very best for my family, Mike.'

'I had no idea being a man-whore paid so well. Maybe I'm in the wrong line of work!' he laughed

I burst into laughter too, and during his all too brief visit, I forgot my sorrows.

A month afterwards, I received another unexpected letter, but this time the contents were much more pleasant - if a little troublesome.

'I've just received a letter from the Mayor of Ponyville, by whom you may remember, I was hired by to sire a foal. Now, she has given birth to a colt that she has named Inkyhooves She invites us to come and visit her. She says she knows that she cannot be part of our family, but that she doesn't want her son to grow up not knowing his father either.' I explained to my wives, whom I had found in the nursery.

'And what do you want?' Octavia asked

'Well, I've heard of ponies born out of a family being discriminated against because they only have one parent, I hear they call them "misborn". I don't want that for any of my children, so I've made a vow that where possible I will be a part of their lives.'

Milky and Octavia were unsure of whether to accept the invitation, but Lightning was adamant.

'Oh come on! He's doing the right thing girls, lets not be jealous - she's not asking to join our family, she's just asking that her foal knows his father. How is that a bad thing? I say we go!' she said fiercely

And so, we made a trip to Ponyville.

'Thank you for coming, I cannot tell you how much it means to me.' Argent Scroll greeted us

'Would you like to see my - our son?' she inquired of me

'Of course, please lead the way.' I replied with a smile

We all crowded in after her, and she led us to her bedroom, where a foal with her coat colour but with a tuft of jet black hair lay in a cot asleep.

'Aww! He is just adorable!' enthused Milky

'Thank you my dear, I couldn't be happier to be a mother.' replied mayor Mare, a faint smile on her lips

'I can see why you named him Inkyhooves.' commented Octavia, as he rolled over with a yawn

He had socks of black fur on his fore-hooves, making it look like he'd dipped them in ink.

Leaving him to sleep, we made our way to the living room.

'When I was about halfway through my pregnancy I stood-down as mayor, and Big Macintosh took over as acting mayor.'

'Doesn't he have his hooves full managing Sweet Apple Acres?' I asked

'Normally yes, but he has let Applejack take care of things - he says he has confidence in her abilities now.'

'And how is he?' I asked

'As mayor? He's doing quite well, the budget has never been so balanced.' she replied sounding both glad that the town was in good hooves and envous that someone else was doing her job

'Do you think he might be persuaded to run for mayor next election?' I asked her

'I don't know, maybe.' she said evasively, 'Perhaps that would be for the best, I am a mother after all.'

After half an hour, we left and I promised to visit regularly

As winter set in, the situation back on earth got worse, with even long time allies having diplomatic spats over seemingly trivial things. The entire planet was under a cloud of dread and suspicion, no one trusted anyone else. The biggest shock was when the portal went into "lock down" with two massive doors built to withstand both magical and conventional attacks being closed on both sides of the portal. In all the years since first contact those doors had only been tested once a year, and knowing that you were cut off from your home was a shock for humans and ponies alike.

The lock down lasted two weeks, and only when it was lifted was it revealed that it had been caused by the proximity of flotilla of heavily armed mercenaries hired by a group calling themselves "The pure Earth society". They posted a video on the internet declaring that they were the vanguard of a popular uprising to preserve the human species and human society. Several assaults and vandalisms had already been attributed to them. The only arrests made were of the rank and file and those believed to be lower level organisers - the big fish were said to be well connected and well monied.

After think over the situation, I was sat at my desk, writing a letter to Celestia while my wives and foals slept.

Dear Celestia,

I hope you and our foals are doing well. I thought perhaps we could do something to boost morale after the recent events? I had a mind to show the unity between our two worlds by inviting a photographer to take some pictures of us and our children, and maybe make that announcement that your sister has been delaying for some time now?

At the same time I thought it would be nice if all my children could be gathered together with their mothers and we could all have a private get together with the photographer on hand to record the happy occasion.

Yours in love and gratitude,

Edmund

I placed the letter in the green flame of the magic lamp that Celestia had given to me, and in a trice it had burned up and the enchanted ashes whisked off to Canterlot.

Normally I would have waited for a reply, but I knew that she would have to think about it for a while and discuss it with Luna, so I put the kettle on, ready for when the three most wonderful mares in Equestria awoke.

That evening, Celestia's answer arrived and as I read her thin, elegant writing which no hand could have made I was filled with an inexplicable joy and comfort.

Edmund,

Thank you for your letter, I am happy to report that Estel and Goldenmane are both doing well, as am I.

I think your idea is a wonderful one, and I have arranged it for the week after next Wednesday.

I have spoken to Luna, and she and her special somepony have agreed that making the announcement now would greatly help matters.

As to the idea of a private get together, I would love that! When you come, please bring them all, it will be a pleasure to spend some time with you all.

Your dear friend,

Celestia

P.S: While you're in Canterlot, I think it would be good for you to be briefed on the situation, you will be met by my representative in the great corridor on your second day at 2 O' clock.

I immediately wrote a letter to Argent Scroll to tell her of the good news before returning to the nursery.

'Well, that's that sorted.' I said as I picked up Éomer who needed changing

'Do you think she'll come?' asked Milky as she nursed Éowyn and Hurricane

I hope so, I really hope so.' I replied, tossing the dirty nappy into the bin and grabbing the talcum powder

Down on the floor, Lightning Dust was changing Cadenza for Octavia who had fallen asleep whilst feeding her.

'Do you need a hand?' I asked her as I finished with Éomer

'No, I've got it! See?' she said, and to my surprise, she had changed her both quickly and perfectly

'Wow Lightning, That's amazing! I told you you'd make a great mum!' I enthused

'Yeah well, you know..' she said awkwardly, scuffing the floor with a fore-hoof

I did know, she wanted to live up to what she thought I expected of her and so was pushing herself to be "the perfect mother" and no matter how many times I told her to relax, she just wouldn't.

'All right, lets put these guys to bed, and then ourselves eh?' I said, placing Éomer in his and Éowyns cot

After putting all the foals in their cots, I picked up a still sleeping Octavia, and went to bed.

When we got to Canterlot, the security around it was the tightest it had ever been in all my time in Equestria, and I even heard a rumour that the first and only human to serve in Equestria's self defence forces was on hand too.

Our rooms were sumptuous and we had everything on hand that we could ever need, but after the long trip, all we wanted was to make use of was the massive four poster bed.

The next day, we relaxed and took a walk in the castle gardens where we spread a blanket and had a picnic lunch.

The warm autumn sun streamed through the thinning canopy of gold and red leaves as we ate and rested as the foals slept, snuggled all together. It was truly an idyllic scene, which sadly could not last.

My pocket watch rang to alert me that it was time to make my way to my meeting.

'I have to go to that briefing now, my dears, but I'll be back soon.' I promised them and kissed each of the tenderly before leaving

I was met by Princess Twilight Sparkle in the great corridor.

'Welcome, and thank you for coming at such short notice.' she greeted me

'I'm always willing to help in any way I can, but I'm not entirely sure why I'm needed.' I confessed

'Princess Celestia thought that you ought to know a little more about what we are facing, and since both she and Princess Luna are unavailable it falls to me to fill you in.' she said brightly, clearly enjoying the opportunity to show off her knowledge.

'As you know, a long time ago a great evil cursed Alicorns so that they would no longer pose a threat. But now that the spell has been broken, it will seek to remove that threat once and for all.

'You say "it", does that mean it is not - was not flesh and blood?' I asked

'We believe that it was once possessed of a physical form, yes but that it was merely a vessel for a being of incredible power and unknown form.' she replied gravely

'Has no one ever tried to kill it? To vanquish it?'

'Of course, many brave ponies ventured to the enemy's stronghold to attempt it but all failed. It is a little known fact, but King Sombra himself was once considered to be the champion who would defeat the enemy once and for all. He was the most powerful unicorn of his generation, bold and of a steely determination.'

I cast my eye over the massive stained-glass window depicting the defeat of King Sombra. If there was a pony less likely to have been considered the saviour of Ponydom, I had not heard of him.

'So if he was meant to be the champion of Ponydom, what happened?' I asked

'Sombra may have been powerful, but he was also given to excessive pride. This made him susceptible to flattery. When he engaged the enemy in combat, the enemy realised he was out-matched and so fell to out-witting his opponent. Thus, the former pony ceased to be, and Sombra was born.'

'Then what happened? Surely somehow this thing was defeated.'

'Yes, the queen of the Crystal Empire - herself a gifted magic user crafted the crystal heart, a powerful talisman able to amplify the positive emotions of her subjects. The happiness and peace spread across Equestria and the enemy, being of hate, envy and every negative emotion was stripped of his physical form. Thus weakened, he went into hiding for many years. Sombra, his lieutenant and servant fled, fearing the wrath of those he had betrayed and injured. But he was merely bidding his time, learning all he could of the hearts' power and consulting the books left by his master. When he deemed the time was right, he began his attack on the Empire, and soon had killed the king and queen and captured the crystal heart. And so began the slavery of the Crystal empire, the only one to escape was princess Cadence, teleported to Canterlot at the last moment.'

'Celestia said something about what you had learnt about the recent events, and I'm guessing he has something to do with it?' I asked

'Yes, the Princess hoped that the crystal heart would keep it at bay, and it seems she was right. Unfortunately, it has found another method of attack, a place free of magic from which to operate.'

'Earth' I said, my voice hollow

'Yes, I'm afraid so. I won't pretend that our world is perfect, but your world does have much more negativity than Equestria.' she replied sombrely

'So it has gone to our world to exploit the darker aspects of humanity in order to get what it wants, is that it?'

'It seems that way, spreading mistrust, envy, feelings of despair to great effect, as you have seen.' she confirmed with a sad shake of her head

'Thank you for taking the time to bring me up to speed on this, I still don't know what I can do, but I'll do my best.'

'Thank you, now you'll have to excuse me, I really should be getting back to Ponyville.'

'I should be going too, but could I ask you a question first?'

'Um, sure?' she replied uncertainly

'Do you ever feel unnecessary as a Princess? Like you're just there to make up the numbers? And the change can't have been easy for you either.'

'Well, you're right in saying that it was a big change, but I think it's too early to know just what my role is, or where I fit in. Why do you ask?' she added, shooting me a suspicious glance

'I don't know, I just hate to think that anyone feels undervalued or unloved.' I replied with a shrug

Twilight smiled, 'I see now why Celestia loves you so much.'

'Celestia loves me?' I inquired numbly

'Ah! No, not at all! Well I mean she does a little, but ....Ohh! I shouldn't have said anything.' she said, blushing bright red

'It's OK, I'll keep mum.' I said, illustrating my meaning by miming closing a zip across my lips

'Thank you Edmund.' she said, and in a flash of light, she teleported, leaving me to ponder the meaning of her words

'Just how does Celestia love me? As an adviser? A friend? Or...no, that was foolish thinking! Only the deluded imagined one of the Princesses falling in love with them in a romantic sense. Eros is what the Greeks called it, and sadly these days that is the kind of love people think of when they hear the the word. But I digress, the important thing was that I went back to my suite, where my family was waiting.

The next day was the day of the big event and the castle was a hive of activity. I dressed in my finest suit and for the sake of simplicity wore only my signet ring as a mark of my status. We were met in the reception room by Celestia, who took us to meet her sister and her special somepony.

'Greetings, your Highness. I'm am happy that you have chosen to make your announcement after...well after recent events. I think it will be well received by all.' I said with a bow

'Greetings your Grace, my sister spoke true when she praised thy wisdom, and thy kindness. Please allow me to introduce my fiancé. Harry, where are you?' she said, looking around

'I'm here my darling, just getting some champagne.' replied a snub nosed and red haired young man dressed in the uniform of a captain in the Blues and Royals.

'May I offer Your Highness my congratulations on your engagement?' I said with a bow as he reached us

'Of course, and please - just call me Harry.' he replied, offering his hand

'All right then, Harry it is.' I said, taking his hand and shaking it

'And who are these lovely ladies?' he asked, looking to the four mares besides me

'Oh, where are my manners! These are my wives, Milky Way, Octavia and Lightning Dust.'

'Your servant, ladies.' he said with his ubiquitous grin

'And this is the former mayor of Ponyville, Argent Scroll, she and I also have a child under...ah.. how do I put it. Under a special arrangement shall we say?'

'Ah yeah, Luna told me about it.' he replied with a nod

'How is the little one?' he asked her kindly

'He is doing well your Highness, thank you.' she replied nervously

'Speaking of foals, where are they sister?' Luna asked

'They're all in the royal nursery, I expect that they will be here soon.'

'All right, I just don't want anything to go wrong.' she answered worriedly

'Don't worry, everything will be fine. You and Harry will make your big announcement and everyone will be very supportive, you'll see. And then we'll have a photo shoot and all will be well.'

A moment later the foals did arrive in their prams pushed along by the royal unicorn nurses. Since the engagement announcement was first we left them in the capable hooves of the nurses, and made our way through the red velvet curtains onto the dais from which the announcement was to be made. The room was packed with local, international and inter-dimensional press, and I was nearly blinded as they took picture after picture.

'Ladies and gentlemen, may I please have your attention! Her Royal Highness, Princess Luna of Equestria wishes to make an important announcement!' called out a servant resplendent in dark purple livery, with a silver sash affixed with a crescent moon badge

Hesitating for a moment, Luna stepped forward with Prince Harry and cleared her throat.

'My beloved subjects and dear friends from Earth, I thank you all for coming today. As you can see I am joined here by prince Harry of Wales. The rumours of our relationship were true, we are very much in love, and just recently, Harry proposed to me.'

The assembled press began muttering excitedly, scenting a story and a few flashbulbs went off.

'I am happy to report that I accepted his proposal and that his grandmother has given her assent to our marriage, and we will marry next spring.'

The next few minutes were a whirlwind of questions that both Harry and Luna handled quite well but were exhausted by the end of.

All that remained was for the photos to be taken. First was the photographing of Celestia and myself with Estel and Goldenmane, followed by my family and I, then with Argent Scroll with Inkyhooves and last but not least, the photograph of all of us together.

We all slept well that night, secure in the knowledge that once the news began to spread, the relationship between our two worlds would improve. For my own part, I thought I had secured my family's position and that from now on I would have no more problems - that my hectic life would slow down.

The next day, we were standing on platform 10 of Canterlot station, our train was already half full of passengers as we said our goodbyes.

'Goodbye for now Celestia, I hope we can visit again soon.' I said, and on a whim hugged her

'I'd like that.' she said softly, hugging me in return

Just then the conductor called "All aboard the Express to Trottingham!" and carriage doors began to close.

'Well, we'd best be off!' I said once we had parted

I jumped onto the first class carriage and waved to Celestia with my wives until the train rounded a bend and I lost sight of her.

The next day, I was the only one to rouse, Milky, Lightning and Octavia were content to relax in the nursery, so I decided to listen to a record whilst reading the paper.

I placed the stylus on the record, and eased myself into my armchair and rested my feet on the the footrest as the first song began to play - the death of Siegfried and the funeral march from Götterdammerung. At that precise moment, a loud rap on the door disturbed my enjoyment.

With a grunt of annoyance, I smartly folded the newspaper up, 'I'm coming!' I yelled when the caller rapped urgently on the door knocker.

Grumbling I made my way to the door, and when I opened the door I was greeted by a tall man in a dark suit, and the Sheriff of Trottingham, who in a rather odd twist of fate was actually called Shire Reeve.

'Edward Johnson?' said the man in the dark suit, who was clearly British, judging by his thick Welsh accent

'Edmund.' I corrected, my ire raised as yet another person got my name wrong

'Edmund then, you're him?' the man retorted

'I am Edmund Johnson, Earl of Trottingham, yes' I replied coolly, deciding to lay my status on thickly

'I'm from Her Majesty's Revenue and Customs, and I'm afraid we're going to have to ask you to accompany us to the embassy for questioning.' he replied, showing his ID

What, right now?' I replied, dumbfounded at the unexpected turn of events

'Yes, right now; get your coat.' he snapped

'Can I at least say goodbye to my wives?'

He bridled at the word "wives" but nodded curtly, 'Just make it quick - five minutes.'

'Thank you!' I said, and dashed inside

I cleared my throat when I reached the nursery, 'I'm afraid I have to go away for a while.' I said seriously

'Honey, what's wrong?' Milky asked, ears folded with apprehension

'Well, There's this chap from the tax department that wants to have a word with me, so I'm afraid I have to go sort it out.'

I swear her ears drooped even further, if that were possible 'Oh, Ok.' she said in a small voice

I dropped to one knee before her, 'Don't fret my love, I'm sure it will be fine.' I comforted her by stroking her face.

'Now, I'd better hurry up, the man only gave me five minutes. I don't want to keep him waiting.'

'Huh, why I oughta give that jerk a piece of my mind! Coming here to bother you like this, and now he doesn't give you time to say goodbye?' Lightning began to fume

'Calm down, dear. I appreciate the concern, but violence, whilst deserved won't solve anything in this situation.' I said, fighting back a smile

'All right, but I still think he's a jerk.' she conceded moodily

'You're quite right, now be good - all of you. I'll be back soon.' I said and quickly kissed each of them before grabbing my coat and keys

After a short flight in a air chariot, I was in one of the interrogation rooms at the embassy awaiting my interview.

Suddenly, the door opened and the same man and Shire Reeve entered the room.

They sat opposite me and after placing a folder on the table, the man pressed a button on a wall mounted panel.

'Interview of Mr Edmund Johnson, Earl of Trottingham in relation to case number 21819578-DH.13. Interview conducted by myself, Richard Jenkins under the observation of Shire Reeve, Sheriff of Trottingham as representative of the Equestrian authorities. Interview commenced at 11:15am.'

He then pulled a photograph from the folder, and slid it over the table to me.

'Do you recognise that man?' he asked me

'Yes, he was client of mine, name of Harvey, why?' I asked

'You gave legal advice to Mr David Harvey regarding his company he wanted to expand into cross portal trade, is that correct?'

'Yes, he wanted some independent advice on the laws around import duties, investments - that sort of thing.' I replied, knots beginning to form in the pit of my stomach

'What sort of advice did you give? Specifically.'

'He asked about how to avoid running into legal problems, I asked him what sort he meant, and he said he wanted to avoid being accused of fraud.'

'Oh yes, so, what did you tell him?' he replied leaning forward, scenting a lead

'I said that even though he imported things that either side might not buy he should avoid using double invoicing, which is open to abuse by using the pro forma invoice to mask the true value and thereby the duty on imports.' I said, wondering at what he was getting at

'And you told him exactly how it worked, this "double invoicing" method?'

'Well the basics, yes. I mean I wasn't about to spell out the mechanics of how to commit fraud.'

'And is it also true that in addition you advised Mr Harvey about methods of how to avoid taxes? And that he paid you very well in return - far above the average fee?'

'No; on the contrary, I told him that hiding income from cross portal trade was seriously punished. As for his payment, I told him he was being far too generous, but he insisted.'

'Would it surprise you then to learn that Mr Harvey is in jail right now awaiting a hearing on exactly those charges?'

'I'd say yes, but I must confess I had an inkling.' I replied

'Well then, I'm sure you know that due to what you've just told us, there may be a case of complicity to answer.' he intoned gravely

Yes, I understand that, inspector.' I replied bowing my head

'Very well then, I'll get the paperwork for you to sign, then you're free to go.' He replied curtly

'Interview concluded at 11:45am.' he added, and pressed another button on the recording instument

Soon I was alone again in the Spartan room, the florescent light glaring on the white paint, I began to run through my recent life. I had thought I had become so high and mighty, so wonderful. I was a successful lawyer, a Gentleman, a husband to three beautiful mares, a great father and an Earl!

'Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.' I said to myself, quoting Proverbs.

'Ha! Still reciting that mumbo-jumbo are we?' came a mocking voice

Instinctively, I turned to the door, wondering if someone had come by, but I was alone.

'Don't bother looking for me, I don't want to be seen - not yet at least.' came the voice

'Who are you, and why do you sound like Richard Dawkins?' I inquired, trying to keep an even tone

'I am the voice of the Lord, the one on high! The true God of all worlds whom all will know and bow before! And I sound like Richard Dawkins because I chose the voice of the one you most dislike to address you with.'

'You're an angel?' I said stupidly

'Hmm, in a manner of speaking, yes, but I don't serve your God, who is but a shadow, a caricature of the one true God.' came the response

'If you say so, but what in the bally hell do you want with me?' I said crossly

'Simple, I want to ruin your day, and you of course. My master sees all, he knows your heart. Thanks to your soft Anglican, wishy-washy, feel good "Kumbaya my Lord" upbringing, you've become just chocked full of love and kindness. If I had a body, I'd be gagging at the stench of it!'

'So that's it then, you're targeting me because I can love? Newsflash, all humans do.' I retorted

'Yes, but so very few have the capacity that you do, we have to take you all out first. Destroy the paragons, and the rest will follow.' he replied languidly

Footsteps could be heard on the linoleum floor of the corridor, and I felt the lifting of a weight that I hadn't been aware of. Presumably, the entity had decided to leave - but for how long?

Author's Note

I decided to include the end of the last chapter as reminder of where we are (as it were) rather than starting from the new material.

Gunhilda, in addition to following the "G" naming convention is a "meaningful name" as it is Germanic (Old English etc.) for "Battle-maid".
Sheriff Shire Reeve is a bit of an etymological joke, since Sheriff originally was Shire reeve in Old-English. So essentially his name is his job.

And the title comes from Proverbs 16:18

The mare with Mulberry eyes

The dawn broke to reveal a glorious, grey morning that threatened rain.

'Ah, autumn!' I said, looking out over Southampton. In truth, the weather was more like winter but officially it WAS still autumn.

Despite the gloomy weather, I was all sunshine, and why?

This was it, my first long holiday in years and it was to a place I'd wanted to visit for many years, Equestria!
Nothing, not the weather, nor the news that a sudden downturn in the currency markets meant that my savings would be worth a lot less bits was going to spoil my holiday.

"What is Equestria?" Those were the headlines for weeks following what became known as "first contact".
Five years ago, cyberspace was abuzz as the skies literally opened up just east of the Philippines. For weeks, scientists all over the world had been secretly monitoring a mysterious energy output, water displacement, and soon a small land mass.
The UN sent scientists to investigate the anomaly,as well as a small peacekeeping force. They were aboard an international flotilla, Russian research vessels, and various military vessels from several nations. Ships such as USS Ronald Reagan, HMS Dauntless, ROKS Sejong the Great and, though not officially declared at the time, HMS Astute was lurking below, in case of the need for surprise.
I had just completed my degree when the news broke; Earth's first contact with aliens. But what it really was, we had yet to see.
Then, it appeared. A pony-like being with wings, a cyan coat and, oddly, a rainbow-coloured mane and tail was flying around the patrolling helicopters and boats, cavorting in the air in great bursts of speed and performing tricks. What on earth was this pegasus creature doing?

Soon diplomatic relations had been forged, and human & pony kind began visiting each others worlds. The gateway island became known as Neo Equineox. It had a UN embassy through which you had to pass to reach the portal It was defended by a garrison of ponies and humans and had a 200 mile total military exclusion zone.

And that's where I was headed on the RMS Equitania, the first vessel to be built with ponies and humans in mind.
The port was a hubbub of noises, people chattering, the giant cranes on the far side shifting containers and it was packed!
I looked for the right line and spotted a banner reading "British & British OSN passports". I fought my way through the crowd and joined the queue.
'Passport! Medical certificate!' called the man as I reached the desk.

I handed it to him and he checked it before handing it back to me.

'As you know, Equestria insists on a full medical check of every potential visitor to their land. This includes any and all transmissible diseases. Have you come into contact with anything, or engaged in any activity which may have put you at risk since gaining medical clearance?'

'No.'

'Right then, sign this.' he said, pushing a document which was headed which the royal coat of arms and in big bold letters MAKING A FALSE DECLARATION IS A CIVIL OFFENCE AND CARRIES THE PENALTY OF £ 30,000 AND/OR 3 YEARS IMPRISONMENT

I signed it and returned it to him.

'Carry on, just follow the arrows.'

I followed and was greeted at the gangplank by the Cunard man.

'Good morning sir, welcome aboard the Equitania, may I see your boarding pass?'

'Certainly.' I said showing it to him.

'Thank you sir, have a pleasant voyage.' he said handing it back to me.

Two days into my voyage, I met an affable guy from Sweden.
'Good morning! My name is Lars.' he said in perfect English

'Edmund,' I replied, offering my hand.

We shook, and then began chatting.

'So, what are you going to Equestria for?'

'I'm taking a holiday, three whole months and it's the longest I've had in years! And yourself?'

'The winter in Sweden is very cold, and I hear Equestia has a lovely summer.'

'So you're taking a holiday, too?'

'Working holiday, I'm an arborist and I'm going a place called Appleloosa to work. For six months I'll be learning about Equestrian orchard techniques.'

'Oh wow, that sounds fun.' I said, knowing Appleloosa was far out of the way where few humans ventured.

'I like the challenge, plus the name is very interesting - like this ship!' He said, grinning.

'Yeah, I hear it's a pun on the name of an old ship, I guess they have a sense of humour at Cunard.'

Two weeks later, we were at Neo Equineox and I said my goodbyes to Lars on the other side.

After my first week in Manehatten, I decided that I should explore the city a bit more and so I pulled open the wardrobe, and selected my best suit, a blue pinstripe three piece and laid it gently on my hotel bed.
I shaved carefully, ensuring that not a single trace of stubble was left before showering vigorously.
I dressed quickly, but without haste to guarantee I put no creases in my pressed suit.
I gave myself on last look over in the mirror, everything looked perfect.

And so, suitably dressed and groomed, I stepped forth to explore Manehatten on a Friday evening.
After a walk through a park, I noticed a café and decided to buy a cup of tea and watch the sun set.

'That'll be 2 bits, please.' trilled the violet maned mare behind the counter.
I reached into my pocket and withdrew two gold coins and placed them on the counter with a small sigh. I was barely one week into my Equestrian holiday and already my funds were running low.
I was so caught up in my thoughts I wasn't looking where I was going, and I bumped into someone - or rather somepony. A mare with a two tone blue mane and tail, a light cream-yellow coat and freckles. To top it all off, she was dressed almost exactly the same as any milkman.

'Ahhh!' she squealed as she fell over, and it was then that I noticed that she had the biggest teats I'd ever seen, human or otherwise.

'Pardon me, miss! Let me help you up.' I said, and I grasped her hooves and pulled her back to her hooves.

'Well, aren't you going to say something about my teats? Everypony does.' she said with a sour expression to match her tone

'Why should I? You haven't said anything about my hands.' I replied, holding them up in demonstration

She blushed slightly. 'Well all right then, but please watch where you're going in future.' she said crossly in her vaguely British accent, which, for the life of me I couldn't place.
'I will, and once again, I'm sorry.' I replied hastily.

She nodded, and walked off.

She paused, hesitated, and then looked over her shoulder, 'Hey, if you're ever in Trottingham, look me up, okay?' she called back to me.

I didn't know what to do or say, so I sat down and slowly sipped my tea and opened my copy of The Times. I read the same paragraph over and over, or rather my eyes skimmed over it.

'Rather disappointing, isn't it?', a voice made me jump.

I turned and saw it was a unicorn mare, with a white coat and a pink mane and tail.

'Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to startle you.' she said hurriedly.

'It's quite all right, I was just lost in my thoughts. What were you saying?'

'That headline there,' she said, pointing at the paper.

I looked and read, 'U.S Senator calls Equestrian ponies "demons".'

"United States senator Carl Rowen (R. Alabama) echoed calls for a rethink on the alliance with Equestria, as well as a halt to talks with the Griffin kingdom, at a press conference yesterday. When pressed for his reasons,the Alabama senator declared 'Their slovenly disregard to (sic) modesty, natural nakedness, all are sure to turn decent folk into sinners of the worst kind!', adding 'These ponies are nothing more than demons sent to tempt mankind away from God's light.'
In the wake of these statements..."
I stopped reading after that and placed the paper on the table.

'On behalf of my species, I am deeply sorry for him, and all those like him.'

'So you don't approve of his views?' she asked.

'Indeed I don't. As it happens, I'm a member of a group working towards greater co-operation and interaction between our peoples.'

'Is that what brings you here, to meet like-minded ponies?'

'Oh, no, I'm actually on holiday.'

'What do you do?' she asked earnestly.

'I'm a solicitor, in the human city of Manchester.'

'And what does that involve?'

'Well solicitors deal with the common legal things like wills, divorce and small disputes. And in my case I also have to do a lot of prep work for the barristers.' I said, annoyance seeping into my voice.

'How come?'

'To be honest, being a solicitor isn't that prestigious, and it doesn't pay all that much. So, I'm trying to become a barrister myself, to that end I have to do a lot of the more boring work for "proper" lawyers.'

'Oh my, seems like a tough job.' she said.

'Tell me about it, late nights and early starts.' I told her
'But, once I go back, I'll sit the bar examination and then I'll be a real lawyer!' I said wistfully. 'And then I'll have plenty of money, no more cheap living and begging my parents for money.' I blurted out before I could stop myself

'I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that, please forget I said anything.' I blushed bright red at my faux pas

'It's okay, I don't mind. I know what it's like to be short of bits. Do you want to talk about it?' she said smiling sympathetically

I hesitated, was it right to pour my troubles on a complete stranger? I figured that I should at least be friendly, so I decided I would.

'If you're absolutely sure, it would be nice to have someone to listen to me.'

'Wonderful!' she cried, clopping her hooves together.

'But where are my manners? I ought to introduce myself first, my name is Edmund, Edmund Johnson.'
I offered my hand, before realising that ponies couldn't shake hands.

'And I'm Ever Ring.'

And so, introductions done, I let flow everything on my mind. My parents high expectations, my massive student loan I was struggling to pay and the difficulties of my job, with it's low pay and long hours.
'So, I took the chance to go on a long holiday here to relax.' I finished.

'Hmm...' she looked over at me earnestly

'Could you humour me by standing up for a second?'

'Umm, sure,' I said standing up and straightening my suit.'is this okay?'

'And could you give me a slow turn, as well?'

I complied, turning slowly.

'Wonderful! you dress so sharply, with a three piece suit and perfectly polished shoes.'

I sat back down, 'If you'll pardon my asking, why did I do that?'

'Well Edmund, I think I may be able to help with your money woes.' she said

'Really, how so?' I asked, wondering what she was driving at

'Well, I work for a company called "Gentlemen for Mares". You see, our gender ratio is very unbalanced, with many more mares than stallions. This means that lots of mares lack male companionship. Fortunately, your world has lots of males, and our company sets up mares with our gentlemen so they can enjoy what they have been missing out on.'

I considered her words before speaking.

'So these "gentlemen" take mares on dates, spend time with them, that sort of thing?'
'That's right, those sort of things.' she replied. 'And I think they'll love you! You dress well, speak well and really are a gentleman.'

I stalled for time by gazing out at the Manehatten skyline, silhouetted by the setting sun.
Did I really want to be an escort for ponies?

'The money is good, the job is easy and enjoyable - the perfect job for a fine young man like yourself.' she added

Damn, she was right! I thought it sounded like such a golden opportunity, just take a few mares out on dates, or provide them with some male company and I'd get paid well for it.

'I'm not sure, can I sleep on it?' I asked at length.

'Of course, here's my card; the address is right there on the front. When you decide that you're interested, come in and we'll get you signed up!'

'Hey, hold on, now! I've not said yes yet!' I said hotly

To my surprise, she smirked.

'Yet , 'She replied knowingly, 'I have a feeling that I'll see you tomorrow, but until then it's been a pleasure.' she rose from her haystack "seat" and I quickly rose from my own human chair.

'Thank you for the pleasure of your company, Miss Ever Ring.' I said and gave a slight bow.

The next morning I woke up to the sounds of a bustling metropolis.

'Bloody hell, how can a city without cars or any other motor vehicles be so noisy?!' I said loudly.

I made my way to the bathroom and had a quick shower, which woke me up slightly.

'Coffee, I need coffee.' I mumbled to myself.

As I drank my coffee, I logged into the computer to check my bank balance.
'Checking account, £ 400. Savings account, £ 20.85. Equestrian access account, 120 bits.' I read in a monotone. Great, in addition to the 10 bits I had on me, that was a grand total of 130 bits to last the month.

'Unless I shift some money around, I'm done for.' I said to the empty room. But I knew that if I did that, I'd default on my rent.
It was then that I spotted the card that Ever Ring had given to me.
I picked it up and stared at it. It had a typical silhouette of a man in black tie and in flowing gold writing it read:

Gentlemen for Mares
219 East street
Manehatten
Underneath, Ever Ring had written her name.
I glanced back at my computer screen and with a sigh, closed it down, I had no money to spare, and no other choice.

I arrived at a nondescript building made of red bricks, with white framed windows.
Inside was all oak panelling and green baize. Under a vast, domed atrium there was what could only be the reception desk.

'I, m-,' I cleared my throat before continuing, 'I met a mare by the name of Ever Ring yesterday, she, um - told me to come by if I was interested.'

The yellow earth mare looked up from her book, and I was surprised to see that it was that terrible version of a terrible book, 50 shades of grey(pony edition)!

'And your name, please?' she asked in a sweet voice.

'Edmund Johnson.'

She pushed a button on the desk with her hoof. 'Paging Ever Ring, there's a Mr Edmund Johnson to see you in the reception. That's a Mr. Edmund Johnson for Ever Ring.

'She shouldn't be too long dear, just take a seat over there.' she told me, pointing with her hoof at some seats against the far wall.
'Thank you miss.' I said and turned around, as I walked I couldn't help but feel she was staring at my rear end.

Inwardly I was conflicted, on the one hand, she was a pony, eyeing me up like so much meat. But then I thought 'Heh, even other species can't resist me.'

You see, I'm for lack of a better word, nondescript. Average height, weight, conventionally handsome, dark brown hair and grey eyes. Nothing particularly striking about me.
Sure enough, it wasn't long before I heard the echo of hooves on the polished wooden floor.

'Mr Johnson, I just knew I'd see you today.' she said smugly.

'I had a feeling you'd say say that.' I said, standing up, and fixing my suit, smoothing out any rumples.

'Right this way, please.' she said, still with that self assured, rather triumphant look on her face.

As we made our way down the corridor, I felt more and more unsure of my decision to come. My footsteps seemed to echo ominously, and the corridor seemed to stretch on forever.

'Where exactly are we going?' I asked, to break the silence.
'I'm taking you to see the boss, she'll give you a brief interview, and then we'll begin your induction.' she replied.

'I see.' adding, 'If I say yes, damn it.' under my breath.

Before long, we had reached a set of oak doors with ornate handles and a polished, brazen plaque that read Platinum Corona.
Ever Ring knocked, and the sound echoed in my mind like a cannonade.

'Enter!' called a haughty voice from within.
Upon entering I saw yet anther unicorn, but the startling thing was that she was wearing clothes!
And not just any clothes, a tight blue and purple catsuit.
She sat at an ornate desk, with a solitary chair in front of it.

'So, this is him then.' she said to Ever Ring 'Sit.' she added, indicating the chair.

'This is him.' Ever Ring affirmed.

'I am Platinum Corona, founder of Gentlemen for Mares, Equestrias' premier company in Man-Mare connections. she said, putting strange emphasis on the word "connections".

'Connections?'

'Exactly what is it you think we do, Mr Johnson?' she asked me, one brow raised, 'How much did Ever Ring tell you?'
'Well, I know that a lot of mares lack male companionship, so they pay for human men to spend time with them. Take them to dinner, or some romantic place, give them a good time. You know, those sort of things.'

'I see,' she replied briskly 'It seems some rather important details have been left out by my associate.' she continued, with a faux reproachful glare at Ever Ring.

'Whilst our gentlemen do indeed wine and dine their mares, there's something else to the job too.'

'Like what?' I asked, fidgeting in the hard wooden chair

'Tell me Mr Johnson, do you find mares attractive? Sexually I mean.' she asked casually

'I beg your pardon?' I said, my voice rising.

'Mares, could you be intimate with them, could you have sex with them?' she replied

'What!? How could you ask me that?' I shouted, rising to my feet.

'Calm down, Edmund.' Ever Ring pleaded.

'Calm down? That's hard considering what I've just been asked.' I snapped, nearly lapsing into my natural accent. 'Do you realise how hard I worked at learning to be an actual gentleman? Lessons in received pronunciation, how to dance, eat and dress! All so that I could fit into high society. And now! Now you expect me to throw it away to become a... a gigolo for mares?' I paced back and forth as I spoke, 'If word got out, I'd never practice the law again!'

I sat down heavily in the chair, my chest heaving, my mind racing.
'Edmund?' Ever Ring asked, a genuinely concerned look on her face.

I took a few deep breaths before answering. 'I, I'm fine, could I just think for a few minutes?'

'Of course you can, take your time.' Platinum said gently.

'Thank you, I'll just step out for a moment.'

Once outside, I loosened my tie, and unbuttoned my collar button.

'What do I say? I do need the money, and it's not like I wouldn't enjoy it.' I thought as I paced the corridor.
'They're not human, think of the scandal!' another part of my mind chimed in.

I shook my head, 'No!' I said aloud and then, redoing the button and tie I squared my shoulders and opened the door to Platinum's office.

I stood there, feeling their gaze upon me and felt like a rabbit caught in the headlights.

'Ladies, I'm sorry, but this is a big decision, and I can't make it right now.' I said flatly.

'Well, I can't say I'm disappointed, but I can't say I'm surprised either.' replied Platinum.

'I'm not saying no, I'm saying I can't say yes right now. I'll think it over, and then make my decision.'
To my surprise, Platinum and Ever Ring were smiling.

'That's a very wise choice, and we respect that.' Ever Ring told me.

'Well then, ladies, I thank you for your time, but if you'll excuse me, I have a holiday to enjoy, lots of places to visit.'

'Of course. So, where're you headed to next?'

'You know, I've heard good things about Trottingham.' I said as I left the room.

'Trottingham station! All passengers for Trottingham, this is your stop!' called the conductor as the train pulled up at a very small station. I took my carry on bag from the rack above, and exited the train.

Having retrieved my suitcases from the luggage wagon, I headed for the bed and breakfast I'd booked.

As I walked through the town, I was struck by how quintessentially English it was.

'I'm proud to consider myself a "little Englander", but this is ridiculous!' I muttered.

I arrived at the Rose & Thorn bed and breakfast and was greeted by the homely proprietress, a mare by the name of Eiderdown.

'Good morning sir!' she called in a broad west county accent.

'Good morning, I'm Mr Johnson.'

Ah, Mr. Johnson wonderful! I have your keys right here.' she said pushing them over the counter towards me.

'The big one is the front door key, and the smaller one is the key to your room, which I'll show you now.'

As we climbed the stairs, she pointed out certain nick-knacks and pictures.

'So Mr Johnson, what brings you to Trottingham?' she asked eventually.

'Well for one, it's the part of Equestria most like my home country. But also, there's a certain lady I'd like to meet again.'

'Ohh, how romantic! You've come all this way just to confess your love.'

'It's not quite like that, I just happened to bump into her in Manehatten, and she mentioned she was from here. I thought maybe we could get to know each other better.' I explained.

'What does she look like? I bet I know her!'

'She had a blue mane, yellow coat, dressed like a milkman.'

'Oh, that's Milky Way!! My, you must of done something special to have her to tell you where to find her.'

'I didn't stare at her teats if that counts as a "special" thing.'
'That certainly is a rare enough occurrence for the poor filly. Why I remember when she first started growing them, all the colts were just terrible. The other fillies were just as bad, if not worse; envious see, of the attention she was getting.'

'How terribly beastly of them!'

'Yes, foals can be so cruel. Well, here's your room, Mr Johnson, let me know if there's anything you need.'

'Thank you, I will.'

The next morning, as I came down for breakfast I was intercepted by the owner.

'Mr Johnson, quick, follow me!' she hissed from the door leading to the staff only area.

Curious, I followed her through the office.

'Where are we going ma'am?'

'You'll see!' she replied with a mischievous look in her eyes.

As we entered the kitchen, I saw that she had taken it upon herself to play matchmaker.

'Milky Way, wait dearie!' she called, and the milkmare turned around as she was leaving via the back entrance.

'Thank Celestia I caught you!' she said eagerly as she approached. 'This young gentleman has something to say to you.'

Gentleman?! What gave her that impression?
'Oh no, I don't work for that company!' I said, hastily.

'Oh?' Both mares said in unison.

'Wait a minute! You're the guy who bumped into me in Manehatten!' Milky Way exclaimed suddenly.

'Erm, yes. I thought perhaps I should apologise properly. May I offer you lunch sometime?'

'I don't know.' She replied, her ears flattened and she scuffed the ground lightly with her hoof.

'Go on dear, say yes.' encouraged the older mare.

'Oh all right then. I have a day off tomorrow, we'll do lunch then.'

The next day I left the Bed and Breakfast with a large picnic basket and met Milky Way at a local park.

'Sorry, did I keep you waiting?' I said, sweating slightly under the suns heat.

'No, I just got here myself.' she replied smiling.

'Well then, lets eat shall we? Eiderdown says she has prepared a special basket for us.' I said opening it

'Look at this, apple juice, canapés and - oh my lord!' I had just withdrawn a heavy brown envelope on which was written "This is the key to the honeymoon cottage - just in case. Good luck, Eiderdown"
'What, what did she put in there?' asked Milky Way urgently.

'Huh, oh – uh, this!' I said pulling out the first thing that my hand fell on.

'A can of insect repellent?' she asked doubtfully.

'Oh yes, it's amazing how many forget it. But when all sorts of wasps and ants are swarming about you, you wish you'd brought some!' I said with forced cheeriness.

She grinned, and I felt like there were two suns in the sky for that brief moment.

'So why are you in Equestria?' she asked me, settling down on the blanket.

'I'm just here for a holiday, then I must go back.'

'What do you do in your homeland?'

'I'm a lawyer, a solicitor to be precise. I give legal advice and assistance to people.'

'That sounds like a very important job.' she enthused.

'It is rather nice, I love helping people with tough things. Sometimes it's great, like when I'm executing a will and a family member finds that they've been remembered by someone they thought would never leave them anything. It's like a reconciliation from beyond deaths' veil.' But sometimes it's disappointing like when I have to deal with an acrimonious divorce.'
'Divorce?' she asked, nonplussed by the strange term.

'Sadly, not every marriage lasts on Earth, and when they break up we call that "divorce". They can get very messy with high emotions all around.' I explained.

Her ears drooped, 'That's so sad.'

We lapsed into silence, listening to the wind blow through the trees and the sounds of other park users.

'Say, Edmund?' My heart fluttered at her use of my name. Just what was going on with me?

'Yes Milky?'

'Why'd you get so keen on saying you weren't a gentleman?'

'It's rather embarrassing, but just after I met you, I met somepony from Gentlemen for Mares.'

'Really? And they asked you to work for them?'

'She sure did, though she didn't tell me exactly what they do. I only learned that later at the interview.'

She giggled, 'Poor you, that must have been a shock.'

'It was rather.'

'So what do you think of it?'

'Being a gigolo? It's weird, It seems wrong somehow. I know that lots of mares are suffering with no stallion and my heart goes out for them, truly it does. But I don't know, I don't think I could do it. What are your thoughts?' I asked.
'Me? Well I approve of it. I've actually considered using the company myself, in my weaker moments. As for you, I say go for it. I don't know you very well, but I don't think you're the type to allow others to suffer or be sad if you can at all help it, your heart is too good.' she said, putting her hoof on my chest.

Again, a little flutter of my heart; dammit, stop doing stuff! I thought to my rebellious body.
Soon it was time to go and we parted outside the Rose & Thorn.

'I had a really great time Edmund, thank you.'

'Me too, and if it's not too bold of me, may I take you out again sometime?'

'Sure, I'll let you know when I'm next free.' she replied, and my heart leapt and didn't come down 'til dinner time.

Sadly it was two weeks before she was free,but we did see each other occasionally, and she would stay as long as possible when making the morning delivery.

Finally, on the Wednesday of my final week, a note was slipped under my door.
"Dear Edmund, I'm free tomorrow, please meet me at the east bridge at one O'clock. signed, Milky Way."
And just as the note said, I met her at the east bridge.

'Edmund!' she called as I approached.

I waved back to her.

'Anything in particular you want to do?' I asked when I reached her.

'Not really, lets just walk and talk.'

And that's just what we did.
After a stretch, we rested on the bank.

'Ed?'

'Yes Milky?'

'Eiderdown told me what she put in the basket the other day.'

I felt the blood drain from my face.

'I swear, I didn't ask her to!'

'I know you didn't, she told me she was surprised you returned the envelope unopened.'

'I hope you don't think that was a snub or something?'

'How could I? I know why you did what you did, and I think it was very noble of you.' she said and then she kissed me on the cheek.

I sat stunned for a moment, and slowly a thought formed in my mind, "You love her Ed, tell her your feelings!" And I knew it was true, against all expectations, and defying all logic, I had fallen head over heels for her.

I turned to face her, my heart racing. 'Milky Way?'

'Edmund?' she asked, her face beetroot, her face expectantly gazing up at me.
Before I knew it, we were kissing, a passionate, hungry kiss of youthful love.
After what I desired to be an eternity, we broke apart and looked each other in the eyes.

'Milky, I never expected in my wildest dreams I'd say these words, but having them to say makes me gloriously happy. Milky Way, milkmare of Trottingham, I love you.'

'And I love you!' she said, tears pouring from her eyes, even as she beamed with joy

We cuddled and then after a while I dried her eyes, and we continued on our walk.

'It's getting late and I've an early start tomorrow.' she said wistfully.

'Me too, the train leaves first thing.'

As we left the park, I spotted a stallion selling potted plants from a cart and walked over to him.

'One rose please.' I said pointing to a rose plant with a bud growing at the tip.

'Ten bits sir.' came the response in a Cockney accent.

I paid gladly and escorted Milky Way to her home.
Once there, I got down on one knee, and offered her the plant.

'Milky, we may not see each other before I leave so,

"This bud of love, by summer's ripening breath,
May prove a beauteous flower when next we meet."
Take care of this plant in the knowledge that I love you.'
We kissed again, and I returned to the bed and breakfast euphoric. That feeling lasted until I reached Manchester. Until a man is in love, he cannot describe the euphoria, the deep passion jetting up from within his soul. And until he is separated from his love, he cannot know the melancholy it brings. That is what I had to suffer being back in England.

It had been a month since my return and it was another day of the never ending monotony of work. I entered the lobby and spotted a slim man with a shiny pate and a pinched face in a lift before the doors closed, and the lift ascended. There waiting for me was my best friend Michael, a fellow solicitor and a member of my theatre group.

'Morning Ed! Very nearly late again!' he called, wagging his finger at me.

'Is the day so young?' I asked, quoting Romeo

'But new struck nine.' he replied with Benvolios' line.

'Ay me! Sad hours seem long. Was that my father that went hence so fast? ' I said, meaning my boss.
I knew he was increasingly annoyed at my recent performance and it was only a matter of time before I was censured.
'It was. What sadness lengthens Romeo's hours?' Mike said, patting me on the shoulder.

'Not having that, which, having, makes them short.'

A lift arrived, and we got in and I pushed the button for our floor.

'In love?' he asked seriously as we got in.

'How can you tell?' I asked, placing my briefcase on the floor to straighten my tie

Mate, you forget, I know you! You only ever quote Shakespeare when something major is going on!'

I grinned in spite of myself, 'Okay Mike, when you're right, you're right!'

'Well all right then, you gonna spill the beans or what?'

I opened my mouth to speak but at that moment the doors opened with a ping.

'Saved by the bell!' I said fervently.

'Damn elevator!' was his response, reverting to his natural Americanisms.

'Look, I'll tell you everything, but at lunch all right?' I said picking up my briefcase

'I'll hold you to that!' he called, and we went our separate ways.

The rest of the morning sped by with indecent haste, and before I knew it I was taking a seat opposite Mike in the staff canteen.
'Come on buddy, let's hear about this girl that's got you all worked up.' he grinned.

I hesitated before answering.'The thing is, she's not your usual woman.'

'Well yeah, she'd have to be special to turn your head so bad!'

'No, not like that.' I said, exasperated at myself for not being able to say what I knew I had to.

'So how is it, what's so different about her?' Mike asked, leaning close, as if we were plotting together and didn't want to be heard.

'She -' I took a deep breath, 'she's a pony.' I said finally

'A pony? Wow, that's adventurous of you!' he said. 'So, what's her name? Is she hot? And if so, does she have a sister?' he said rapidly.

'You're taking this rather well, most would be disgusted at the notion.'

'Hey, you're talking to a guy who hit on a lady-boy once.' He reminded me.

'Who would have thought an Asian cross dresser could be a racist?' I said, recalling the image of a four foot Thai hitting Mike with a parasol whilst calling him a "nigger rapist monkey".

'So, this mare...'

'Okay, her name is Milky Way, and she's unbelievably cute and no, she doesn't have a sister.'
'There is one thing I don't get.' Mike said seriously.

'What's that?'

'Why so worked up over it? I would have thought you already had a "thing" for ponies. I mean you are a member of Friends of Equestria.'

'Mike, I keep telling you, FoE is about building cultural links between our two worlds and spreading information about Ponykind. It's not a club of perverts who want to leer over mares.' I explained.

'If you say so, but are you really telling me you never saw a mare that you thought was cute? I know I have; like that zebra one, or the really bouncy pink one, those two are hot!'

Well, no, I'm not saying I haven't . . .' I began.

'So, why the problem?'

'Thinking a mare is nice is very different to actually truly falling in love with one, with having proper feelings for one despite her species.'

'I could see how that would be a change.' He said, nodding his head.

'So, that's why I'm so down lately. I'm in love, I cannot just go and visit the one I love, and not mention I just got the news that I failed the Bar exam.'

'What?! Dude, why didn't you tell me sooner?'
'I suppose I just didn't know how to tell you, I mean I can hardly believe it myself.'

'Damn, that's a tough break mate. Tell you what, since it's Friday, after work you an' me we'll go down the pub first round's on me.'

That night, true to his word, Mike bought the first round at our favourite watering hole, The pot O'Gold.

'So, you won't become a barrister, what'll you do?' he asked after a while.

'Well, I guess I stay a solicitor, or else try again.' I said making a pretence of inspecting my pint.

'I always sort of figured you preferred working as a solicitor, but if you really do want to become a courtroom lawyer, I have a plan that can kill two birds with one stone.'

'Really, what's that?'

'Quit your job and move to Equestria.'

'Why would I do that?'

'Simple, because there they have a fused legal system, there's no difference between a barrister and a solicitor.'

'That's one bird, what about the other?' I asked, taking a drink.

'If you move to Equestria, you can have the other bird.' He said.

'Hmm, I'll think about it.' I said, rising to go to the loo.
'If you remember in the morning that is.' Mike rejoined as I stumbled slightly.

The next morning, after my hangover had eased, I did remember, and by new years eve, I'd made up my mind. I had spent my whole life looking for "respectability" worrying about how I looked, watching what words I used, who I was seen with and for what? A small flat, high stress and poor re-payment?

No, I was going to take Mike up on his suggestion, move to Equestria, take legal cases when I wanted to and not on the say so of the partners in the boardroom. On top of that, I was going to provide a valuable service for the mares of Equestria. Most of all it meant I could be with the mare chief in my heart, Milky Way.
The next day I e-mailed my accountant to instruct him to sell my stocks as soon as he could. I then wrote my letter of resignation.
After lunch, I pulled the card for Gentlemen for Mares out of my wallet and dialled the number.

'Gentlemen for Mares, how can I help you?' trilled the reception pony.

The line was incredibly bad, cross portal communication was very touch and go and the rates were horrendously expensive, so I hoped this would be a short call.
'Hello, my name is Edmund Johnson, could you see if Platinum is available please?'

'Just one moment.'

She put me on hold to the tune of some Bach. After a few minutes, the phone picked up, and Platinum's' voice spoke.

'Mr Johnson, what can I do for you?'

'I've made up my mind, and I'm afraid there's no chance of changing it. My answer is...yes.'

'I'm sorry to hear that, you'd have been a - I'm sorry, what?'

'Yes, Miss Platinum, I'll become a Gentleman.' I said simply

'Well, this is good news!' she said eagerly 'But, if you'll pardon me for saying so, this is something of a volte-face.'

'Ah, yes. I'm sorry you had to see that, I shouldn't have gone to pieces like I did. I should not have forgotten one of the maxims I live by.'

'Oh, and what's that?' Ever Ring asked.

'A true gentleman never gets himself in a flap. And I am a gentleman, in every sense of the word.'

I could hear the smile over the phone , 'Yes you are, and a dandy to boot! So that'll be your call name, "Dandyman".'

'My call name?'

'For privacy reasons, and to lend an air of mystery, we give all our gentlemen call names.' she explained.
'I see, then I suppose I'm happy with "Dandyman" as my call name.'

'I take this as a sign that you're returning permanently to Equestria?'

'As soon as I can prove that I have a job to go to so I can show it to the home office.' I replied.

'We'll sign the paperwork to get you over here ASAP.'

'Alrighty then, I'll see you when I see you I suppose.' and that was that.

Within a month, I had returned to Equestria, and my first stop was to visit Milky Way.
When she opened to door, her face lit up and she shouted for joy as she launched herself at me.

'Edmund! I knew you wouldn't forget me!'

'How could I forget a sweet mare like you?' I replied before kissing her.

'Come and see something!'

She led me to her back garden, and there, in a large pot was the rose I had bought, now in full bloom.

'That thing you said it came true!' she said happily

'Milky my love, I fear I may spoil your good mood, but I can only stay the night, I'm going to Manehatten to sign up to Gentlemen for Mares tomorrow.'

'I don't care! You're here and that's all that matters.'
She insisted on cooking dinner, and we ate it together cuddled together on the couch.

'I suppose it's time for us to get to sleep.' Milky said with a yawn.

I suppose so, Goodnight, I'll sleep here.'

'Don't be silly, you're sleeping in my bed tonight.'

'I really want to, but I'm not sure it's such a good idea.'

'And why not?'

I coughed, 'Because what we have is special, you're not just some mare to me. I don't want to ruin our relationship by having sex too soon. I know that might sound odd considering what my job will involve, but there it is.' I finished lamely, expecting her to cry, or shout or maybe even for her to attack me.

To my surprise, she put her front hooves on my chest and gave me a quick kiss.

'I'm glad you said that, and I feel the same. '

And so we sleep together that night, with her back against me we fell asleep embracing each other.

The next afternoon, I was once again at Gentlemen for Mares.

'It's a pleasure to see you again Mr. Johnson.' Platinum greeted me as I entered her office

I sat down and she magicked a contract and fountain pen across the desk. I began to read it over.
'If you don't mind my asking, what made you change your mind?' she asked.

'A very kind Mare, and a very clever friend.' I replied, signing my messy, loopy signature: E. F Johnson

'That's all for now, but I want you here nine O'clock on the dot tomorrow morning for your induction seminar.' Platinum said, retrieving the pen and parchment

Two weeks later, I got a visit from Ever Ring.

'Your first customer Dandyman, and it's a big job.' she said by way of greeting.

'Some of us say "good morning". I still haven't had my morning coffee you know.' I replied.

Ever Ring rolled her eyes, 'Never mind that, listen up; here's the details of your job.'

I sighed and sank into the armchair 'Fine, give me the details.'

'She's an earth mare from Canterlot, her name is Octavia. She plays Cello for the most prestigious string quartet in all Equestria, but recently her performances have slipped in quality. Her doctor recommended she find a way to reduce the stress. But, as with many top level musicians, finding a date is almost impossible. So, give her a nice relaxing evening, and reduce her stress levels.'
'Righto, relaxing evening. Got it!'

'But hang about! Isn't this a bit of a leap for a first timer?'

'Perhaps, but she did have the choice of who her gentleman would be. But she said she didn't want an "expert" and when we showed her your file, that was that.'

'All right then.' I said resignedly.

'Don't worry, we have faith in you. Just relax, and go with it.'

That evening I arrived at the address supplied and knocked smartly before stepping back. I stood stock still, one arm resting in the small of my back, the other at my side carrying a heavy picnic basket. The clopping of hooves alerted me to Octavias' arrival and the door opened to reveal a grey coated mare of surprising beauty.

'Miss Octavia, I'm Dandyman, and tonight is your special night. Please relax and let me know if there is anything you need.'

'O-okay.' she said in a silky accent which to my hearing sounded like a Boston Brahmin accent.

'First for this evening is a picnic overlooking the city; and if you'll pardon me for saying so, you look simply stunning this evening.'I flirted as I led her to the site I'd picked out.
She made no reply, but she blushed crimson.

Once there, I laid out the blanket with the corners secured by nearby rocks.

'I have a mix of Earth and Equestria food for your sampling this evening.' I began, 'From Equestria we have some of the finest oatcakes, and from earth, we have delicious salad made of 100% organic stock. And for desert, fusion cooking of apple and rhubarb crumble. The apples come from Ponyville's Sweet Apple acres, and the rhubarb is from River Cottage, in England.'

We ate and drank, and then, under the evening sky, we talked.

'So Octavia, tell me a bit about yourself.'

'Well, I grew up in Ponyville, and all my life I wanted to be the very best cellist in Equestria. I wanted to be famous, renowned - but now,' she trailed off.

'But now?' I prompted gently.

'But now, it's getting so hard, the long hours of practice, the constant touring. It means I've never been able to settle down and find a stallion. Nopony wants a mare that's all over Equestria most of the year, and when she is home, spends all her time practising. All I want is a special somepony who supports me, is that too much to ask!?' she cried, tears welling in her eyes.
'No,' I said, taking her hoof in my hand '...no it's not.' I looked deep into her eyes, and gave her hoof a gentle squeeze.

I took a handkerchief out of my pocket and wiped her eyes gently.I reached into the basket and pulled out a bottle a sparkling grape juice and some champagne flutes.Holding them deftly in one hand, I popped the cork, and poured the juice gently to avoid too much foam.
I offered her one and she carefully took it between her hooves. Soon we struck up conversation again.

'And what about you? When did you first realise you wanted to help people solve their problems?'

'I suppose, I first began to decide what I wanted to do with my life when I was six.' I told her.

'My parents were arguing, and I heard it from my room. After a while I got fed up so I put my dressing-gown on, marched into the living room and sternly told them that I was the judge, and that they were going to talk through their dispute.'

Octavia giggled, 'Did you really?'

'Yes, really,' I said, giving a scouts salute 'my parents were so surprised; not to mention embarrassed, that they actually complied! Ever since, I've loved that I can help people work through their problems.'
We sat a while, watching the stars come out, one by one until the night sky was a glimmering tapestry overhead.

'Come, I have more prepared for you this evening.' I said and I stood up and gallantly offered my hand and she extended one hoof which I gently grasped as she pulled herself up.

Once we had reached her home, I had her lie down on her settee.

'What are you going to do?' she asked.

'Shh,' I said, gently laying a finger on her lips, 'just relax, and enjoy.'

I started to rub her cheeks, before moving to caress behind her ears before moving to the ears themselves.

She gave a slight moan, and a small tremor ran down her back.

'There, that's it, just relax and let my hands work their magic.'

I massaged her scalp and moved my hands down onto her neck 'You carry a lot of tension here.' I told her, as I worked over a knot of muscle at the base of her neck.

I reached over and pulled from the picnic basket a small bottle.

'Now, this is a special blend of massage oil, perfect for ponies in need of relaxing.' I told her before squeezing some onto her back.
I began working it into her coat and she gave another moan and laid her head down with her eyes closed. Steadily, I worked my way down to her flanks.

'Miss Octavia, I hate to disturb you but could you roll over please?' I said gently.

'Sure,' came the reply

Once she had rolled onto her back, I added more oil to her chest and stomach.
As I continued, I noticed her heart rate increasing and her breathing become shallower.
Throughout the massage, I alternated between light and firm strokes, first rubbing firmly, then gliding my fingers through her coat with a feather touch.
I rubbed down her forelegs, paying attention to each joint and at the end, gave a sensuous kiss to the bottom of her hoof.
Soon I reached her crotch, and was careful to only touch her teats very softly and swiftly.

'Again, more.' Octavia murmured

'Not just now I'm afraid.' I replied, keeping my touch light as I slid my hands around her exposed marehood and onto her thighs. I then gave her hind legs the same treatment as her forelegs.
I finished up by once again teasing her by refusing to caress her teats or touch her now swollen vulva. For the grand finalè, I kissed her belly button tenderly. At that, a palpable shiver shook her, and a gasp escaped her lips.
"Did you enjoy that?'

'Ooh yes!' she replied dreamily.

'Well then, shall we continue in your boudoir?'

'Uh-huh' she nodded in response

'Can you stand?' she shook her head, 'Not to worry, I'll carry you.'

And I smoothly slid my hands under her and lifted her off the settee and to my surprise, Octavia took the opportunity to kiss me full on the lips.

'Thank you.' she said, eyes half lidded.

Once in her bedroom, I laid her down on her bed before steeping back to give her a good view of my undressing "Many ponies are fascinated (and aroused) by human clothing, and the act of undressing." advised the introduction booklet, and it seemed Octavia was one of those mares.
Soon I was in my boxers, and I gave her a sly look before pulling them down.
Her eyes widened at the sight of my manhood. Seeing the hungry look in those same eyes, I moved over to the bed and gave her a kiss. She passionately returned it, even adding her tongue! Not to be outdone, I slipped mine past hers and we locked tongues. When we parted, she was blushing an even deeper red.
'Now, I'm going to do what you asked me to do earlier.' I said suavely

'What ahhh!' she gasped, as I had made my way to her crotch and began lavishing attention on her teats.

Octavia moaned as I rubbed, tweaked and caressed her pert nipples. When I took one in my mouth, she squealed. Just as she was beginning to enjoy it, I stopped.
Before she could complain, I gave a long, smooth lap at her now dripping sex.

'Oh Celestia, yes!'

I took my time exploring her, slipping and sliding my tongue in her pink, velvety folds.
I probed deep and then lapped at the sweet and tangy juices that flowed from her sex. I curled my tongue around her clitoris before flicking it ever so softly with the tip.
Before long, a tremor was building in intensity and I knew she was close to the edge.

'Octavia, are you ready?' I asked.

She nodded her assent, and gently, I eased myself into her quivering sex.
I gasped at just how tight and smooth she was, it was like nothing I had ever experienced!

'Ohh, Celestia, ohhhh!' Octavia moaned as I slid my way inside her.
'Octavia?' I said, and laid my hands on either side of her muzzle and gave her another passionate kiss.

'Oh, Dandyman, you make me feel like I've not felt in years. Please make love to me!'

'I will, my dear.' I said and began slowly, sensually thrusting into her.

I marvelled at the sensation, every time I pulled out, it was like she was trying to suck me back in!
As expected, she was much closer than me to her orgasm and barely five minutes in, she whinnied and I felt her vaginal walls squeeze tight around my cock.
The soft massage of those soft,silky folds was too much for me and I came forcefully as her orgasm faded away.

I allowed my rapidly shrinking member to slip out and found the sight of her pussy full of my cum oddly arousing. I lay down next to her and we stared into each others eyes, grey into mulberry.

'That, that was wonderful.' she panted.

'It was my pleasure.'

We kissed and spent the next half hour cuddling. The warmth of her body leaning on mine was very pleasurable, and I scarcely paid heed to the fact that she was a pony. In my mind she was a beautiful woman who was long overdue some love and tenderness.
I wasn't sure of what she wanted to do for the rest of the night, so I decided to leave the topic for her to raise. Unfortunately, my member rose first.
'Oh my!' Octavia said when she noticed it.

'Please, forgive me. I hope I haven't offended you!' I said, blushing.

'I'm not offended in the least, in fact I'm flattered.' she motioned for me to come closer.

'In fact, I'm turned on by it, so please, by all means put it to good use.'

'Yes, ma'am!' said in a serious tone and snapped a salute which she giggled at.

I made my way towards her rear, stroking her flank as I went. When I was right behind her, she flicked her tail to one side and I saw that she really was aroused, her lips were even more swollen than before. I looked up and saw her face looking back at me and I was filled with lust. seeing the glistening hole 'winking' at me.

'Please, don't wait.' she begged.

'A gentleman never keeps his mare waiting' I said and gently pulled her hips towards me until her hind legs were off the bed. I rubbed her cutie mark as I hilted myself once more in her welcoming hole.

She let out a hiss of pleasure as I began pumping.
Despite having done this only moments before, I was already close to breaking point.
Octavia too was in ecstasy, biting her bottom lip. 'Ahh, yes, yes!' she yelled

I grabbed her flank as I thrust in and out of her

'Mmmm! Faster, deeper!' Octavia moaned as I slid in and out of her.

'Ohhh, Octavia! You're so good!' I gasped in reply.

Soon I felt my orgasm building and with a groan, I buried myself deep inside Octavia's sucking pussy and blew my load. Standing behind her, still holding her flank to support myself after my orgasm, Octavia spoke up.

'I'm so close' she breathed

'Sorry, it'll be a little while before I can go again.' I apologised . 'But I can do this-' I said, dropping to my knees.

'What a-AHHH!' she began to ask

I answered by licking her clit and sticking two fingers in her soaking cunt.
I moved them around, and found what I was looking for - a small area of spongy texture on her "top" vaginal wall. I curled my fingers and stroked it.

'Dandyman! I'm going to; I'm going to-' Octavia began to stamp her hoof and then her vaginal walls contracted around my fingers and I felt a warm liquid hit my face. I had not only made her cum, I'd made her squirt too.
'I'm so sorry! I've never done that before, it's just...your fingers!!'
'On Earth, we call that spot up in there the "G spot" and as you just found out, it feels really good.'

'Oh, yes indeed it does!' she breathed

And we fell into each others arms (or rather legs) and slept until dawn broke.
I woke up and gently nuzzled her exposed neck and she smiled, though she kept up the pretence of sleep.

'Good morning.' I whispered in her ear

'I can't hear you, I'm asleep.' she mumbled, rubbing her flank in my crotch

'Oh? then how can you be rubbing yourself on me like that?'

'I'm dreaming, and it's a really good one I'd like to have come true.'

Taking the hint, I drew my hips back and with my free hand guided my self into her again

'Ohh yes, the dream just got a lot better.' she cooed

I gently began spooning her. It was an interesting sensation, I could only fit about half way in and her pussy felt even tighter than before.
I knew I'd come soon, so I reached around, and teased her teats and soon she was moaning in time with my thrusts.
After a while we both came soundlessly.

'I'd best get ready to go.' I said apologetically once the afterglow had faded.
I showered and dressed and pulled a card from my pocket and wrote my call name and ID Noº on it.
At that moment, there was a knock on the door.

'Ah, bother. That will be be my handler.' I said

And I opened the door to let Ever Ring see I was ready to go.
I dropped to one knee and took Octavia's hoof in my hand.

'Adieu, fair mare, please allow me to recite a poem.' I said, and kissed it

She nodded, whilst Ever Ring stood at a distance.

"Now on the summit of Love's topmost peak
Kiss we and part; no further can we go:"

At that juncture, I stopped and leaned forward to whisper in her ear.

'The rest of that poem is rather sad, so I'll just add this one word, "yet". The dragon mare would kill me.' I said, and kissed her on the nose.

As I stood, she was crying, but smiling at the same time.

As Ever Ring and I got into the carriage she said 'Well, she seemed very happy, what did you do?'

'My dear Ever Ring, you should know a gentleman never kisses and tells!' I said chidingly.

'But what I will say is that men of good breeding know how to treat a lady in all regards.'

Author's Note

Warning, the next chapter contains pseudo non consent and domination. Please be forewarned.