A Ruined Mind

by fire64

Rating: teen
Tags: Adventure, Tragedy, Dark, Sad, Gore, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 4937

How does one go about intergeting back into society after going through the horrors of war?

Oxalis, a soldier in the ranks of the Lunar Republic has lost her best friend just as the republic lost the war. The mare must now integrate back into society as she returns home from the bloody conflict. Will she be able to live a normal life or will the horrors witnessed in war drag her into a disturbed state of mind...forever.

*Author's Note*
Not all categories listed will be evident in every chapter

Published 2012-01-25 14:12:51 UTC
Last updated 2012-02-14 22:37:49 UTC

War Torn

War Torn

The night was quiet, calm and it would be quite tranquil if not for the stench of death that filled the air. A mighty fortress once stood tall on a cliff edge, but now it stands in ruins. A battle had taken place here, one of the utmost importance. One final clash between two fractions which would decide whether the war would end, or rage on.

The defenders were those of the Lunar Republic and the attacking force, was the Equestrian Army. The battle had raged on for what seemed like forever, but in the end it was the Equestrian Army, who reigned victorious. The soldiers of the LR fought valiantly, but alas, it was of no use. With their queen dead and the fall of their high commander not too long after, the remaining soldiers lost hope and were easily slain by the Equestrian Army.

Suddenly the silence is broken and the sobs of a mare can be heard coming from the lower depths of the still standing throne room. The only light is a tiny ray of moonlight which enters through a crack in the ceiling. The mare held her closest friend who is on the verge of death.

“Y-you… you’ve got to g-get out of h-here,” a severely injured grey skinned colt said in a stuttering whisper.

“Please Lysar, save your energy. I will never leave your side,” replied the yellow skinned mare that held him in her arms.

She looked down at him. He bled profusely from a large gash in his right side. One of his wings which was barely holding on by but a small patch of skin, was also gushing out the red liquid. They laid there, in the center of the room with the one small beam of light shining down on them.

“I-I-I’m going to d-die anyway. I will join th-the o-others that sur-surround us. B-but yo-you can still li-live. P-p-please g-go worry a-about your-yourself.,” uttered Lysar, his lips barely moving.

“But I don’t want you to die!" shouted the yellow pony.

Tears began to form in her eyes as she brought the colt closer to her in an embrace.

“I’m s-so s-s-sorry, but I-it has to happen. O-one way or an-another. But d-don’t you w-w-worry. I won’t f-forget yo-you ma j-jolie o-o-oxalis jaune.”

With that, Lysar took his final breath and died. Tears filled the mare's eyes, and she began bawling over his lifeless body. She always loved It when he used her name like that. Oxalis was her name and she couldn’t help but cry when he used it in his final words.

She had been crying for at least forty-five minutes when the mare finally decided to stop. Her red and yellow mane was soaked in her tears. She knew what she had to do. Which was to follow Lysar’s last bit of advice. She knew that the Equestrian soldiers would more than likely kill her if she were to be discovered by them. Wiping the tears from her eyes, the mare slowly got to her hooves and looked around her. The colt was right when he said that he’d join the many fallen souls because the room was littered with corpses. She knew that she couldn’t take him with her and that he wouldn’t want her to. So Oxalis slowly walked away from Lysar’s body and climbed up the stairs. Reaching the top of the stairwell, the mare turned around slowly and whispered,

“Rest in peace.”

She kept moving forward and never looked back again.

Welcome Home

Welcome Home

The carriage seemed to go unnoticed as it rolled into the town of Briarwood late one starry night. This place was once under total control of the Lunar Republic. But now the banners that once hung from every building as well as the statue of Nightmare Moon that stood tall in the town center, have been removed. The war had ended barely a month after the dark mare was banished. The surviving forces of the Lunar Republic had no choice but to disband and return to their homes. Those of higher rank that were entrusted with the task of keeping the republic alive, were quickly hunted down and killed. Only few were able to escape.

Oxalis having found a small republic camp not too far from the fortress in the Everfree forest, was able to take refuge until things calmed down. Once they finally did, she and the other soldiers in the camp began boarding carriages to be taken to their home towns. The yellow mare was pacing around the camp when she heard a familiar voice.

“It must be my lucky day! I didn’t think you’d survive to see the end. And here I am about to give you a ride home.”

It was Scyther an acquaintance from their early training days in the LR boot camp. Oxalis gave a faint semblance of a smile and responded.

“I always told you that I’d surpass your expectations.”

“And so you did. I guess you’re no longer the frail, quiet filly that could barely run a lap. Then again, you always were very determined. Well we better be on our way if we hope to stay on schedule. So hop aboard and lets continue catching up during the ride,” replied Scyther.

Oxalis climbed into the back of the carriage. Once she was securely on board Scyther and his partner, began pulling the cart. It took two days and three nights for them to reach Briarwood. They only traveled in the cover of the night for they feared what would happen if the Equestrian army were to spot them. The three kept each other entertained with conversation. No one brought up the war. Oxalis enjoyed hearing the interesting stories of Zeta, Scyther’s partner. She especially loved hearing about his childhood for it brought back the happier memories of hers. But just like all good things, the trip had come to an end. They had finally reached Briarwood.

“Well…guess this our stop,” announced Scyther with a hint of sadness in his voice.

Although she was reluctant to do so, Oxalis got out of the carriage and walked over to her companions. The black sky was lit with stars and the wind howled in the night.

“So I guess this is it,” remarked Oxalis as she reached the two soldiers.

“Yep, end of the line. Its been fun though,” replied Scyther.

“It was nice meeting and traveling with you,” Zeta added.

Oxalis’s heart was beginning to fill with sadness. But nevertheless she held back her tears and responded.

“Yes, it was quite and enjoyable ride. I wish I had some money to pay you with, but I guess my thanks will have to do for now.”

“Of course, we weren’t planning on making you pay anyway. The trip is paid for by the LR and the entertainment, well that’s on the house,” replied Scyther, with a grin on his face.

The three Ponies laughed. It made Oxalis happy to laugh again. But they had to quickly hush each other for they didn’t want to wake the town with their giggling. After a few minutes of silence Oxalis chimed in.

“Well then, I bid you both farewell. May the rest of your life bring you good fortune.”

“May it be the same for you. Goodbye,” Scyther responded.

“So long,” added Zeta

The two colts raised their right arms in salute. Oxalis followed up with one of her own. Her two friends rode out into the darkness of the night. The yellow mare did not move until they were out of sight. She shivered as the cold breeze blew around her. Oxalis started to make her way home. The mare desperately needed to sleep in a bed, especially her own after such a long time.

Oxalis walked, shivering down the dirt path of the town. She used the light of the street lanterns to make her way. She passed by so many familiar places. Oxalis saw the bakery, the library, the general goods store and even the abandoned mineshaft that she was never allowed to go near. Old memories began to flow through her mind in a wave. Tears threatened to break out from her eyes, but the mare held them back once more.

Oxalis came upon her old school, she stopped walking. The mare stood there, observing the small fenced in field that was once her playground. She began to remember that horrid day. When it happened… when they told her. The mare shook her head.

“No. I mustn’t think of that, not now,” Oxalis whispered to herself as she turned away from the school and continued down the path.

Finally after what seemed like forever, Oxalis reached her old home. The outside was the same as she remembered leaving it. The mare was surprised by the great state her home appeared to be in. She walked up to the front door and reached out for the handle. Oxalis hesitated, pulled her hoof back and looked down at the ground. The tears had forced their way through and were now dripping from her eyes. She took a deep breath and quickly swung open the door.

It was pitch black inside and Oxalis could not see a thing. She picked up a box of matches that laid atop a small table next to the door. The mare pulled out a match and struck it against the side of the box, causing it to ignite. Oxalis used the match to light a candle which was snug in its holder. Once she had it burning, Oxalis put out the match, picked up the holder with the candle in it and walked up to her room. As she ascended the stairs, Oxalis couldn’t help but notice the abundance of dust that covered the inside of the house. She would have to clean it tomorrow for now she needed her rest. Oxalis reached her bedroom and put the candle down atop her nightstand.

The mare picked up a photo of herself and her parents and examined it. It was from when she was just a little filly, only seven years old. It hurt her to see the smiling face of her past self, but it hurt even more to see the smiles of her parents. Oh how she missed them. Oxalis quickly put the photo down, as to resists the shedding of anymore tears. She cleaned her bed of as much dust as she could. The mare then lifted the covers, slid into bed and laid her head on the soft pillow. Oxalis closed her eyes and within seconds, she was asleep.

Oxalis suddenly opened her eyes, only to see she wasn’t in her bed. She quickly jumped to her hooves and looked around. She was surrounded by total darkness, except for the glowing candle that lay on the ground beside her. She started breathing heavily, looking frantically around her. The mares eyes were wide open with fear.

“W-what is this place?”

There was no answer, she wasn’t expecting one. Just then she heard a loud snap and saw a silhouette run through the shadows. Oxalis fell to the ground, startled.

“Who’s there!?” .

Then she saw it again, in the distance it eerily stood.

“Who are you?” she asked.

The figure gave no response, but it began moving closer to Oxalis. It stopped only a few feet away from the yellow mare. Oxalis could still only see but a shadow, so she decided to pick up the candle beside her. The mare slowly walked closer to the figure. It only took a few steps before she could finally get a better view in the light…she screamed.

Oxalis stumbled backwards in shock, only to bump into another creature. She screamed once more and as she did the monster let out a deafening high pitched screech. More of them started to appear out, shambling of the darkness. All sharing the same deformities. Some of their bodies were contorted and they twitched spasmodically as they moved. However, it was now clear to Oxalis that these were Ponies.

“Join us,” moaned the twisted creatures.

Oxalis was in too much shock to respond. As they closed in on her, she shut her eyes tightly and began to cry. The sound of the moving hooves stopped and the mare opened her eyes. They stood around, all staring at one colt who had its back to her. Oxalis was relieved to see that it was Lysar, clad in his armor. She shouted to him.

“Lysar!”

She got to her hooves and quickly spun him around. Her heart stopped… he was one of them. Now face to face with one, Oxalis, could see the true horrors in these creatures. Its face was deformed and rotted. Maggots crawled out of its skin and its empty eye sockets. Its breath reeked of death, which caused the mares nose to crinkle up. Decay exposed many of its innards, it was obvious that this wasn't the friend the mare once knew. Oxalis pushed the abomination out of the way and began to sprint into the everlasting darkness, but it was of no use. The twisted Lysar appeared in front of her and grabbed her by the neck. She screamed for a third time.

Oxalis woke up in a startle and flung herself up from her bed. She came face to face with Lysar once more. He flung himself at her, screeching as he did. Oxalis squealed, falling backwards in fear. The mare rolled off her bed, bashing her head against the nightstand. She hit the floor with a thud. The last thing Oxalis heard before losing consciousness was a rapid knocking at her door.

The Cracked Looking Glass

The Cracked Looking Glass

Oxalis slowly opened her eyes, only to be blinded by a bright whiteness. It took a few minutes for her to adjust. The Pony was now able to see that she was lying in a bed at what was most likely the town hospital. She had only but a vague recollection of the events that led up to now. The mare remembered coming home and getting into bed but everything after that was fuzzy. There was one thing she couldn’t forgot though… the faces. Those deformed, twisted, maggot infested faces. The image was burned onto her eyes.

A nurse walked in to check on Oxalis, only to notice that the yellow mare was awake. She called out to the doctor, who came running in seconds later.

“Glad to see you’re finally up ma’am. You had us worried for a bit there,“ stated the black maned colt as he extended a hoof to Oxalis.

She stretched out her own, shaking hooves with the doctor and then spoke.

“Thank you doctor, but how did I end up here again? I’m having trouble remembering.”

“That’s quite understandable considering you bonked your head on a nightstand. You hit it so hard it knocked you out, the smoke probably isn’t helping either.”

Her memories of the event started coming back, but one thing still bothered Oxalis.

“What smoke?” she inquired.

The doctor looked at her deeply, bit his lip and responded.

“Well that’s the bad news. You see when you banged your head on the nightstand it was knocked over. The lit candle on top of it fell near some curtains and they caught fire. Luckily there was a neighbor nearby who reported it, so we were able to get over there before the fire could seriously harm you.”

“So, is my house…gone?”

“Oh no no. Your house is fine for the most part. The firefighters were able to put out the flames before they could cause any serious structural damage. Unfortunately though your room is pretty much ruined.”

Oxalis did not respond. She only looked up at the ceiling and sighed. The doctor and the nurse left the room to give her some time to take in the news. The mare stayed sat upright in her bed, staring at the ceiling for hours on end. Until finally the sweet relief of sleep swept over her and she fell back onto the mattress.

Oxalis had another nightmare, but instead of the creatures, this nightmare was of Oxalis‘s final moments with Lysar, which to her, was way worse. She didn’t tell anyone for fear of having to stay at the hospital any longer. They were allowing her to leave that day, so she didn’t want to take any chances. Oxalis thanked the doctor and walked out the door. The mare had to shield her eyes from the bright sun until they adjusted. She began making her way home. Oxalis was greeted by the many other Ponies that walked about the town, but none knew her. Everyone she knew was taken by the war. So the mare gave a semblance of a smile along with a greeting of her own and continued home.

Oxalis finally reached her destination and couldn’t help but notice the tall, brown skinned, brown maned Pegasus that stood outside her home. Aside from the obvious physically differences, this colt had a strong resemblance to Lysar. He waved her over and Oxalis complied. She was only a few inches away from the colt when he finally spoke.

“Hi there! Welcome home!”

“Ummmm good afternoon. I don’t mean to be rude but who exactly are you?”

“Oh of course how impolite of me, where are my manners? My name is Aspharr, I had called for help when I noticed the smoke coming out your window. I heard you were coming back today so I wanted to welcome you back to your home. Plus I also wanted to give you this, I hope it helps.”

The colt pulled a small gift basket out from behind him. In it was an assortment of candies and treats as well as flowers and a large sum of bits. He offered it to Oxalis, who seemed surprised by the colt’s kind gesture. She accepted the gift, placing it down beside her. Oxalis looked back up to thank Aspharr, only to be frozen by fear.

Half of Aspharr’s body was burnt and decomposed. The world behind this half seemed twisted, nightmarish and deformed. He stared deeply into the mare’s soul with the dark hole that once held his eye. This side looked so much like the twisted version of Lysar that Oxalis had seen in her first nightmare. The other half of him seemed to remain normal though. The horror of the sight disabled Oxalis’s ability to move or even speak. Aspharr reached out to Oxalis, grabbing hold of her shoulders.

“Are you okay?” he asked, shaking the dazed Pony back into reality.

She looked around breathing heavily for while, before she finally responded in a apathetic tone.

“I’m fine… I’m perfectly fine.”

“Are you sure? You seemed pretty ou-”

“I'M FINE!” Oxalis shouted, cutting Aspharr off.

The mare stormed into her home, slamming and locking the door behind her. She had left the basket behind. Aspharr was taken back by the sudden anger in Oxalis’s tone. But as much as he wanted to pursue her, the colt knew it wasn’t a good idea. So he picked up the basket and slowly walked back home.

Oxalis lay on her couch, thinking about what she had just done. The mare was mortified by her own actions. She tossed and turned trying to sleep, but it did not come.

It wasn’t until many hours later, when the sun was finally setting, that Oxalis was finally able to close her eyes and drift off. Then, the nightmares came again.

A Beam of Hope

A Beam of Hope

Oxalis awoke in what appeared to be the town center. Her vision was hindered by a thick fog that seemed to engulf the world around her. The mare knew she was back in the nightmare world, created by her own mind. As always she was given only one light source, a small lantern that stood next to her. Oxalis lifted it up off the ground and began to study her surroundings. She could barely see through the dense fog, but this was no doubt the town center. The barracks of the Equestrian soldiers was the only building not completely covered by the fog. Oxalis took it as a sign to head over there, so she did.

The mare was not hesitant in opening the wooden doors, for she knew that only horrors would lurk behind them. She walked into the reception area and looked around, the place was in disrepair. The paint was peeling off the walls, papers, furniture and trash littered the worn out tiled floor, and there were holes in parts of the walls, as well as an even bigger one above the circular front desk. The room was fully visible, which came as a surprise to Fleur, since the only light source was the dimly lit lantern she held infront of her. The mare moved towards the front desk. As she got closer the faint sound of singing could be heard. Oxalis stopped in her tracks and listened.

“We marched out on our task. No questions to be asked.”

Oxalis remembered this song, it was “The Heart of the Republic” a tune that the soldiers of the NLR would sing while they marched, after they won a battle or even after they lost one.

“Oh how gallantly swift, would we split their lines a rift.”

The voice of the young mare singing had put Oxalis in a trance, she needed to get closer. Putting an ear up to the hole above the desk, she was able to tell that the source was above her. The mare quickly made her way to the stairs.

“They shall tremble with fear, their eyes gleaming with tears.”

The voice sang on, keeping Oxalis under its spell as she continued up the stairwell.

“And they might tear us apart, down to our beating hearts.”

Oxalis had reached the second floor, the song grew ever louder as she neared its source.

“But we’ll fight on, until we are all gone.”

The yellow mare stood only a few feet away from the object producing the sound. It was a small phonograph sitting atop a stack of worn out books.

“For if we fail to answer the call.”

Oxalis moved closer and reached out to the phonograph… only to be pulled down into the huge hole in the ground.

“How bravely we’ll surely fall.”

Oxalis woke up in a cold sweat. She was surprised by a sudden knocking at the front door. Her heart still filled with fear, the mare ran to the door and quickly pulled it open. Before Aspharr could even mutter a simply greeting, Oxalis wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Please forgive me!” pleaded the mare as she held him close.

Aspharr, who was only just beginning to process what was happening, looked deeply into Oxalis’s now tear filled eyes. He could tell that the need for forgiveness wasn’t the only reason she was crying. It was the early afternoon, so Aspharr decided to bring Oxalis back into her home before anyone else could see her bawling. He sat the mare on the couch and went to go fetch her a glass of water. When he returned, Oxalis had calmed down a bit, but tears still streamed from her eyes. Aspharr offered her the drink, which she politely declined.

“Before I ask, I just want you to know that you are forgiven for what you did. I had and still don’t have any intentions to hate you for it. Now please, tell me, what’s really the matter?” Aspharr asked as he took a seat next to the mare.

At first Oxalis was hesitant to respond, but she looked up at Aspharr and once again saw the resemblance between him and Lysar. The mare didn't know why, but this somehow gave her reason enough to trust the colt. So Oxalis told him everything. About the war, the battles and all the death… even Lysar’s.

“Of all the possible things you could do, why would you join the Lunar Republic?” Aspharr asked, staring at Oxalis in suspicion.

The mare let out a long sigh and gave him his answer… even though deep down she didn’t want to.

“I was only ten years old when it happened.”

Oxalis looked around the room, as if to check if anyone else was listening in. Of course no one was, so she continued.

“It was a beautiful spring afternoon in May, the ninth of May to be exact. I was at school here in Briarwood, we were outside having recess and as usual I was playing with my friends.”

The sudden realization that these friends were no longer with her, hit Oxalis as it did before. She cringed in emotional pain, but carried on with the story.

“While we were running around, I couldn’t help but notice that our teacher was having a conversation with one of the town guards. At first she seemed shocked, but suddenly her face was overtaken by sorrow as she glanced over at me, noticing my curious staring.”

“And then what happened?” Aspharr asked sympathetically, realizing how much harder it was becoming for the mare to go on.

“Well, once my teacher saw that I was watching, she sent the colt away and called for me. I hurried on over to her and she told me that we needed to talk. I blindly agreed, following her into the school building. I let my guard down, thinking that I was just in trouble for some silly thing I did… oh how naïve I was.”

Aspharr began to regret asking the question. He could tell from the difficulties Oxalis was having, that he was the first person she ever told this to. However, the mare kept going.

“The teacher then told me that my parents were involved in an accident. She said that not too long ago the two of them were walking through the town, when suddenly my mother was approached by a rookie soldier. He began to interrogate my mom, mistaking her for a wanted criminal who had just recently robbed a bank. My father, who was leaving the general store at the time, noticed this and approached the rookie from behind, grabbing onto his shoulder. This action apparently startled the soldier, so out of fear he spun around, unsheathed his blade and… and”

Tears began to stream down Oxalis’s cheeks as she continued.

“And he drove it through my father’s chest, piercing his heart. In panic, my mother attempted to pull the young colt of off him. This only caused the rookie to swing the blade at her, cutting her throat. When my teacher finished explaining all this to me, I was a weeping mess of pain and misery. I had to be placed in the orphanage after that.”

Aspharr had to hold back tears of his own as he continued to listen to mare’s heart wrenching story.

“The soldier was tried for murder by the court of Celestia herself. In the end he was found not guilty by means of reasonable self defense. He was allowed to continue his duties. I was enraged by this news, so from that moment on, I swore to get revenge on Princess Celestia and the whole Equestrian Army. That’s why five years later, when the Lunar Republic rose up against her, I was more than happy to run off and enlist.”

Oxalis broke down in tears as she finished her long tale. Aspharr put a hoof on her shoulder and spoke.

“To tell you the truth, I never knew my real parents. They abandoned me when I was just a baby. I can see now why you would fight against Celestia and I somewhat understand your pain. But I can tell that losing your parents at such a young age, is even worse than not knowing them at all.”

The mare smiled at Aspharr, happy to know that he understands what she has been through.

Finally she explained how she got home and why she acted out when they first met. Which in turn led to the nightmares. Oxalis went into every little detail of them. When she finally finished, the mare stared down at the ground and quietly asked,

“You think I’m out of mind, don’t you?”

Aspharr looked towards the mentally damaged pony and simply responded.

“No.”

Oxalis was surprised by his one word answer, but it was his next move that filled her heart with hope. Aspharr pulled Oxalis towards him and embraced her. The mare returned the hug and the two of them sat there, holding each other close.

“I think you should know that I fought in the war as well. For the Equestrian Army. And like you, I lost someone close to me. Someone who was much like yourself. I would always blame myself for her death, which in turn threw me into a state of depression. Until one day, I realized that she would never want me to be so miserable. Instead she would want me to enjoy the rest of my life. So I did… and I still do. I pledge to help you do the same,” said Aspharr in a hushed tone.

The colt’s words put a smile on the mare’s face. She pulled herself closer to him.

“Can you please promise me to always stay with me?” Oxalis whispered into Aspharr’s ear.

Aspharr held her tighter and whispered backed,

“Always.”