The Anti-Twilight Sparkle Club

by NocturneD85

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6
Length: 1165

Twilight Sparkle wonders where her friends go every Thursday night that excludes her from the group.

(Warning: Reading this story will lower your IQ or make you stand up and shout "I'M DONE! NO MORE INTERNET FOR ME!")

Every Thursday night some of the ponies of Ponyville gather to have a meeting at the Sugar Cube Corner. A meeting about a certain unicorn.

Published 2013-01-04 00:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-01-04 00:20:02 UTC

Chapter 1

The Anti-Twilight Sparkle Club

By NocturneD

One day in the crap shack known as Ponyville. There was a meeting going on and every pony was invited but no pony came except Twilight Sparkle because there was no punch and pie. What the meeting was for? Probably something about supporting more books for the library. Every pony met up at Pinkie's place and had a meeting of their own. Twilight sighed, wondering where every pony in Ponyville went.

"This meeting of the anti-Twilight Sparkle club will now come to order." Rarity banged the gavel down on the glass case. But smacked it too hard she broke the display. Not caring she went on. "Rainbow Dash will read the minutes of our last meeting."

Rainbow Dash stood up and pulled out a note pad, "From one o'clock to four o'clock. Last week we talked about how much Twilight Sparkle sucks. Applejack said something about Twilight being a smart ass. Pinkie Pie said Twilight was mean to her after clogging her toilet with random junk. Rarity said something about Twilight looking like her ass on a wet Tuesday. I of course I told you the story I wrote on Twilight's ass with a permanent market saying Fat Ass. One cheek in huge letters.”

Rarity smiled, "Very good Rainbow Dash. Any pony else want to say something?"

Cheerilee raised her hoof.

Rarity gave Cheerilee the floor, "You now have the floor miss Cheerilee."

"Thank you." Cheerilee cleared her throat, "Yesterday I let Twilight use the restroom at the school I teach at. Well. Long story short, she broke the toilet seat because I heard once she sat down I heard a loud snap."

Every pony busted out laughing.

"And then. She shouted from inside the bathroom saying that something is pinching her ass!" Cheerliee continued. The ponies laughed harder.

"I sprayed pepper spray in her eyes and backed my truck into her library. Made a dent in it.” Big Mac smiled.

"I would like to share something too!" Shining Armor raised his hoof.

"The meeting would like to acknowledge our newest member Shining Armor along with his wife princess Cadence." Rarity banged her gavel to gain attention.

"Thank you president Rarity." Shining Armor smiled, "I would like to share with you a story about my sister. One that she really does not want to share ever. When she was younger, Twilight Sparkle was not potty trained until she was five." Every pony gasped. "Yes I know. Why would I say this about my sister? Easy. I think she sucks." Every pony clopped in agreement.

Cadence stood up, "I never liked Twilight Sparkle either. When we were younger, I often made her play out in the middle of the street. But Celestia damn it no pony ran her over."

Mr. and Mrs. Sparkle stood up and shared their story. Mr. Sparkle spoke up, "Back then when Twilight was younger. We would lie and say we were going to Disney World. Of course, that was a lie and just a drive out into the country so we could leave her there. We did, but two weeks later, she found her way home. Damn it."

"She has a huge ass!" A random pony yelled.

"Yeah we already established that." Rarity chuckled.

"And she smells!" Pinkie Pie raised her hoof.

"Like books!" Spike shouted.

"That's not so bad." Applejack frowned…

"Like old dirty books." Spike continued.

"Her ass smells like old dirty books!" Rainbow Dash busted out laughing that she fell to the floor.

Every pony gasped.

"She broke my toilet seat as well!" Mr. Cake stood up, "And it was brand new!"

"And mine too!" Derpy shouted. "Where the muffins at?"

"She also broke my toilet seat lid!" Discord raised his claw hand.

"Also mine!" Pony Joe shouted.

"We need a solution!" The mayor shouted.

"Let's all put her in an outhouse, light it on fire and roll it down a hill!" Apple Bloom suggested.

"I second that." Celestia smiled.

"How about when she cracks another toilet seat, it explodes on her?" Dr. Whooves raised his arm.

"Even better. We love that idea." Luna stood up.

"We'll all put this idea to a vote." Rarity announced.

Later that night Twilight broke another toilet seat.

"Ow my ass!" Twilight whined.

The next week. The entire town put their plan into action by making a fake party on the Sweet Apple Acre farm, they rigged the outhouse to explode with a few extra surprises. Pinkie Pie made Twilight some special treats. In which that would help make the plan work.

"Wow Pinkie. This party is great. Also these pastries taste so good." Twilight ate her fifth cupcake.

"Oh. A special ingredient was put in." Pinkie winked.

"Like what?" Twilight bit into another one.

"Oh butter, sugar, laxative, cinnamon." Pinkie listed off the ingredients.

"What was the last one before cinnamon?" Twilight asked.

"Sugar." Pinkie lied.

"Ah." Twilight finished the cupcake and went on to enjoy the rest of the party.

Then nature called. Twilight excused herself and tried to look for an outhouse. All of them pretty much taken except for one. She sat down. Every pony waited at a safe distance. Waiting... Waiting... Waiting...

"Come on die already!" Rainbow Dash gritted her teeth.

Just then...

BOOM!

The outhouse exploded. The ponies cheered in celebration by dancing and drinking. No more Twilight Sparkle to be such a nag and know it all.

Derpy wandered over to the wreckage. Soon Rainbow Dash as well. Only to find out the fried body did not belong to Twilight Sparkle. However, to a burnt great and powerful Trixie. Rainbow Dash called every pony over. They gasped in horror. What was meant for Twilight, did not end well for another pony.

"Hey guys what's up?" Twilight Sparkle walked out of another outhouse. "Oh... wow." She noticed the blown up outhouse.

"Yeah. I think we should all go home." The mayor tried to make up an excuse.

"Yeah it was good while it lasted." Rainbow Dash smirked. "Damn it!" She thought.

The plan had failed. Twilight was none the wiser. The others were pissed she did not meet her demise. Well, there was always the next week for the Anti-Twilight Sparkle club.

*CRACK*

"Ow my ass!" Twilight shouted from inside her bathroom.

Spike then hollered from outside, "Come on Twilight, tonight is the gathering for the anti-Pinkie Pie club!"

"I'm getting really sick of Pinkie Pie licking all the frosting off of her cupcakes and flushing whatever she doesn't eat down my toilet." Twilight grunted, "I'm bringing this up at the meeting."

Author's Note

If your brain has not committed suicide already then you just might have enough energy to click on the thumbs-down option. Another random one-shot.

Also if you press thumbs down you get a free cupcake, talk about retribution. Also if the cupcake dispensing button doesn't work then maybe you were too late to get any.