We're not in Dustbowl anymore...

by 4tehPlot

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Crossover, Human, Main 6, Lyra, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other
Length: 8700

A "tragic" accident leaves two unlikely men in a strange new land...

Pootis.

Published 2012-01-18 17:49:27 UTC
Last updated 2012-07-23 07:16:15 UTC

Prologue

(A/N: This is my first attempt at fanfic, so forgive me if it's crappy/uninteresting. Also, in order to really get this, you'll need to A) Play Team Fortress 2, and B) Watch Meet the Medic. Herp some some derp.)

BAM! Zat almost hit him! I worried, the nearby rocket's explosion still ringing in my ears. After tending to the most direly wounded, I hurried to catch up to my main recipient, dashing between rocks to avoid the bullets whizzing past. Viktor and I had been buddies even before the fight started, and the fact that he's practically a human tank made him an ideal choice for the project. The 'project' being an effort to create a man who would rise above and beyond the ranks of a normal combatant - a super-soldier.

I had created a device to do just that. It will not entirely create a super-soldier, though. If it worked, it would only be temporary. Quite temporary in fact; mere seconds. I trust Viktor will accomplish much in those seconds, though. As he reached the front lines, he took cover behind a red tractor. He stole a glance toward the enemy then jerked his head back when he saw a mob of soldiers that outnumbered them heavily.

He yelled over the din of the battle to me. "Doctor! Are you sure this will work?!"

I laughed manically, replying, "I have NO IDEA!"

I reached around to my back and flipped the switch on the device. The air around seemed to glow and vibrate as the machine hummed to life. I took a stance, and put my hand on the lever. Here goes nothing! I cranked it back, and a stream of pure energy blasted forward. Viktor yelled out as the energy stream intensified. Not good, not good, not good! I thought as the glow turned into a bright glare, and a high-pitched whine came from the device. I dropped to the ground as I covered my ears and shut my eyes tight. I couldn't block out the sound, and the light was still blindingly bright, even through my eyelids. I feel pressure against me, like one magnet repelling another. The pressure built, and I started to lose my footing. My right foot gave way, and I yelled out helplessly as I flew backwards.

...Ugh... What... I stirred. I opened my eyes. Grass... Tulips? What is this, I don't even...

A quiet, girly voice disturbed my thoughts. "Oh, my..."

(A/N: So yeah, I just had this idea, and I wanted to write it. If you have any idea regarding the story, please share them, and also any constructive criticism for me, because I'm new to fanfic, and every n00b wants to be a pro, right? :P)

Chapter: 1

(A/N: SAXTON HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALE!!!)

I sat up and swiveled my head, searching for the source of the voice. Although my vision was still blurred, what I saw made me do a visible double-take. What the hell? Everything looked so bright and colorful... Double rainbow all the way... But perhaps the most odd thing about the scenery was the oddly colored horse-like creature in front of me that also appeared to have... wings?

I had done some work in the veterinary field before, including some research on exotic animals, but never in my life had I ever seen or heard of a specimen like this. I should definitely conduct some experi-

"Um... Are you okay?"

My mind was a blank slate for a moment. A crashing tempest of confusion and panic was not far behind. I've gone completely insane! My left eye twitched, and complete hysteria was imminent. Just as I was starting to go into the fetal position, a loud gasp erupted from behind me. I jumped and spun to look behind me. To say I was surprised was an understatement. There was Viktor, sitting up with his mouth hanging open, a clump of dirt with a flower in it ridiculously sitting on his head. A little monkey sat on a tree branch above his head, pointing and snickering at his little prank.

"Hey now, be nice," the creature said to monkey, who bashfully looked at his feet before jumping down from the tree and walking off.

"But, seriously, are you... okay?" it repeated.

"I... uh... guh...." I slurred weakly.

To my surprise, it was Viktor who responded, in a giddy, eager tone. "Nope, never better!"

I looked at him. He looked back at me. He still hadn't taken the flower off his head. He looked... excited. WAY too excited.

The creature rubbed a circle in the dirt with what appeared to be a hoof. "So, um... Are you guys... A kind of monkey?" she asked timidly, seeming to hide behind her mane.

Viktor chortled fairly obnoxiously, seeing that it wasn't really that funny. "Oh, no no no..." he said, catching his breath.

"Oh... um... Well, I could make you some tea while you tell me a little about your situation... That is, if you don't mind..." Her voice was almost a whisper.

"Yes, please!" Viktor proclaimed rather loudly.

A small smile graced the creature's face. "Ok then. My name's Fluttershy, by the way. Just follow me, I'll lead the way."

Viktor leaped up and immediately hurried to the talking-wing-horse-candy-thing. If he moved that fast all the time... I snapped from my daze as I managed to lift myself up, plodding after the two of them.

I once again noticed the gigantic, radiating smile he had as he looked at the creature.

Viktor... How the hell can you be enjoying this so much?

Chapter: 2

(A/N: Feedest thee notte, yon trolls!)

The walk back to Fluttershy's cottage seemed to have opposite effects on me and Viktor. He, of course, still had that stupid grin plastered on his face. Trailing a few paces behind them, I started to sink into despair. Well, here I am. Stuck in the middle of La-La-Land, my only ally being a man that I had previously believed to be mentally sound. Whenever I can't overcome something easily, I usually sink into a bottomless pool of pessimism for a while, before I have a miraculous breakthrough and find myself inspired again. Just like the breakthrough with the device. Except it wasn't as miraculous as I thought it to be initially. Despite my attempts at self-assuring myself, I ended up just wallowing in my sorrows for the rest of the walk.

We finally reached our destination. As we walked up, I noticed a chicken coop, with what appeared to be yet another of the creatures in it, except instead of yellow and pink, it was yellow and gray. It turned it's head towards me, and yet, it wasn't exactly looking at me... Well, at least one eye was. I don't have time for this, I thought, realizing that Viktor and 'Fluttershy' had already entered the cottage.

I had to duck a little to get under the door. Once I walked in, I took a look around. The inside was, not surprisingly, just as quaint as the outside. A small kitchen area that also served as a fireplace, a few cabinets and tables, and a small red rug with a flower on it adorned the center of the green wood floor. I also noticed many tiny wooden stairways that small animals were scurrying up. Before I could ask, a carrot hit me in the side of the head, knocking my glasses off. They fell to the floor, and I heard, to my chagrin, the sound of a lens cracking. I swore in German under my breath as I fumbled around. As I picked the glasses up, I heard Fluttershy talking. "No, Angel! No! We do NOT throw things at guests. Now, show him you're sorry."

I put my glasses on, looking through the left lens, just in time to see a little rabbit stick out his tongue mockingly and hop away. Fluttershy sighed and turned to me. "I'm so so so sorry mister, Angel can be such a pain sometimes... Oh my, your lens broke. Don't worry, I know JUST who to get for this. I'll be right back, okay?"

With that, she hurried out and closed the door behind her. I stood there for a second, then let out a defeated sigh and slumped against the wall. Viktor still looked overjoyed. For some goddamned reason, he didn't have a care in the world, prancing around like this was no big deal.

He was even talking to himself. "Oh, Flootershy's going to bring Twilight over, and-"

"What?" I interrupted him. "Who's Twilight? Viktor, do you know something about all zis zhat I don't?"

His smile faded, and he looked down. He scratched his head as he attempted to avoid the subject.

"Well, uh, you zee, I... Can we talk other time?"

"Viktor..." I warned. Despite this, he crossed his arms and refused to say anything more.

And thus the time past, me glaring, and him refusing to budge. The mood, unfortunately, remained this way until Fluttershy returned with yet another horse-thing in tow.

This one was was still garishly colored, lavender with a streak of magenta in it's mane. It lacked wings but it did have a... horn? On its head? Wait... No, this... this is... I suddenly realized that me and Viktor are going to spending god knows how long in a magical paradise of unicorns, gumdrops, and rainbows. Well, I didn't see that coming. I sighed loudly, getting glances from everyone present. I guess that I should get used to it... Nothing really matters anymore! I can do whatever I want, and nobody will stop me! I grinned a little as I started to look at everything around me in a new light.

It was then that the unicorn spoke, albeit under her breath to the other horse-thing. "Jeez, Fluttershy, you said they were weird, but... wow!"

"I should zhink ze same for talking horses," I retorted curtly, earning me a glare bordering on hateful from Viktor.
Seriously, what is going on in his head?

"Ponies," the unicorn corrected flatly.

Right. Ponies. A little girl's dream come true. Or Viktor's. Ha! That would be hilarious.

Looking at him again, though, it didn't look like it would be too big of a stretch. Whereas he simply looked at the winged pony with childish fascination, he stared intensely, with rapt attention, as the unicorn unpacked some things it had brought in what appeared to be saddlebags. Figures.

"So..." she started. "Can I see your glasses really quickly?"

"Sure," I replied nonchalantly. I was still digesting the implications of the whole situation, so I wasn't really feeling the energy to protest.

If it was physically possible, my eyes might have bugged right out of my skull right then, as I watched an iridescent purple glow wash over the broken lens, melding the crack together almost magically.

"How... How did you do zhat?" I asked, dumbfounded.

She gave a mischievous little grin and said, "Duh. Magic."

"Great, a comedian. Seriously, vhat did you just do?"

She seemed genuinely confused by my answer. "It's quite simple. I used a spell to fix the lens. What's so hard to get?"

I was tiring of this game. "Listen, I know magic isn't real, alright?"

She seemed quite taken aback for a second, then a look of concern took hold. She floated my glasses to me, making me stare wide-eyed at the spectacle for a second. "Oh, is it just that you've never met a unicorn before?" she inquired.

I couldn't help but snicker a little at the irony of the question. Dismissing this, the unicorn inquired again.

"If you don't mind me asking, what exactly... are you?

This time, Viktor replied, calmly and casually. "We are humans."

It seemed like an odd manner of speaking, but I suppose it was appropriate.

"Come again?" the unicorn said.

"Oh..." Viktor seemed to deflate a little. "I guess you have not heard of humans."

"Sorry, but... I'm afraid not," the unicorn said sheepishly. Suddenly, she spoke again, in an embarrassed tone.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, I completely forgot to introduce myself. My name is Twilight Sparkle."

"Mine is Viktor."

Well, I may as well be friendly. "I'm Nicholas. Pleased to make your acquaintance."

Twilight seemed to perk up a little.

"Hey, Fluttershy, do you think I could take these two back to the library for a bit? I have so many questions!" she inquired eagerly.

"O... Ok, if you think that would be good," she said in that quiet tone of hers. Actually, it's kind of cute. Oh, god. I'm calling a giggly-sparkle-pony cute. My masculinity is slipping every second now...

"Great!" Twilight exclaimed. "Now, if you'll just follow me..."

Viktor, of course, leaped up at a moment's notice, dashing out the door after Twilight before I had even gotten up.
before I left, I thanked Fluttershy for her hospitality, as Viktor had so rudely forgotten to do. As I strode out, I realized that we hadn't had any of the tea that was so graciously prepared for us. Twilight and Viktor were a bit further down the road, conversing. I'd better catch up with them, I thought as I picked up my pace.

I shivered. It was actually quite cold outside. Why was I not bothered by this earlier? Quite frankly, it was goddamn freezing. Viktor didn't seem to be bothered by the frigid conditions, though. Leave it to the Russian...

For the most part, the trip to the library went without incident, albeit a few curious stares from the townsfolk, and Viktor slipping on a patch of ice and landing hard on his shoulder, causing him to say some very profane things. The unicorn just blushed slightly and looked away with a bemused expression. Viktor heaped apologies on her, but she insisted that he drop it. We just walked along the rest of the way, occasionally making small talk, but for the majority of the time, we just plodded along and admired the scenery, while Viktor rubbed his shoulder and muttered under his breath a few times.

After plenty of freezing wind and annoying iced-over paths, we arrived at the library, at which point Twilight mentioned that it also served as her house.

"You live in a tree?" I asked in an amused tone as we walked inside.

"Yes, is there anything wrong with that?" she huffed.

Before I could respond, a childish yelp echoed through the tall space.

"MONSTERS! MONSTERS ARE INVADING! SOUND THE ALARM! MAN THE FORT, WE'RE BEING ATTACKED!"

A small purple-and-green reptile appeared, banging a spoon against a cookie sheet, having already donned his sauce-pot helm. He cried out and ran at us, brandishing a kitchen utensil and looking absolutely ridiculous. He was stopped halfway by that "magical" violet aura, where he floated in mid-air, grunting and swinging his limbs around feebly.

I couldn't help but snicker a little.

"But Twiliiiiiiiight, this is my moment of glory!" The reptilian emphasized.

"I'm not in the mood for this, Spike," Twilight replied impassively.

She released him, and he trudged upstairs, but not without turning around and gesturing to me, "I'm watching you."

"I'm very sorry about that," the unicorn apologized. "Don't worry, things are NOT this crazy all the tim-"

BAM! Thud. A multicolored blur smacked a window open on its hinges, flying into the room and completely ruining the careful organization of the leftmost bookshelf.

Suddenly, a pegasus appeared from the wreckage. This one was... Rainbow. I almost thought it wasn't going to happen, but there it is. A rainbow pony. Wunderbar.

Before anyone could react, the door burst open, and in streamed 2 ponies, and orange one and a white one. Fluttershy, however, didn't appear to be present. Following right behind, a fourth one came in, a vibrant pink ball of energy, bouncing up and down and running her mouth like a maniac. They were all chatting idly, and the orange one said, "Howdy," to Twilight. As soon as they fully entered, and saw us near the wall, they all just stopped and stared, even the pink one, whose jaw had dropped to a level that I was pretty sure to be physically impossible.

Uh-oh... I thought. Sheisse just got real.

Chapter: 3

(A/N: You may want to reread the last chapter, or at least the end of it; There was a quite prominent plothole, but it's fixed now. Also, I apologize for blowing my story off for so long...:twilightblush:
I was too busy ponyin' pony leik a baws.:coolphoto: Blah, blah, blah blah, blah. :derpytongue2: Story time.)

The look of bewilderment on the faces of those present was quickly replaced with questioning, examining ones, and a cacophony of voices. That is to say, one voice, a cacophony all on its lonesome.

"OhmygoshIdidntknowyouhadalbinomonkeystwilightisoneofthemnamedfredthatwouldbesocool-"

Suddenly, not one, but two mystical auras, violet and turquoise, flowed together to clamp her muzzle shut. She stood there for a moment, confused. Then, the blue depths of her eyes fixed into a look of pure, unbridled determination, and she took a haughty stance. I didn't really understand what it was she was trying to do, until I noticed the appearance of Twilight and the other, white unicorn. Grimacing, sweating, legs shaking, they strained against a seemingly invisible force. I, needless to say, was baffled as to what exactly was transpiring. Then again, not very much made sense anymore. I was snapped out of my contemplation by a loud thud as the white unicorn collapsed in a heap on the floor. Twilight, seconds later, gasped, falling onto her knees and panting; her aura no longer clamped around the pink one's muzzle. The subject of the attack regained her composure instantly, letting out an indignant huff. Her lips formed into a small pout, complaining, "Oh come on, you don't have to do that."

"I wouldn't be so sure, Pinks," the rainbow pony chuckled.

"If y'all don't mind me askin', Twilight, what in tarnation are those things?" the orange one queried.

"Don't be rude, Applejack, they're not things. They're 'humans'," Twilight responded curtly.

"Guten tag, Applejack," I say suddenly, holding out my hand. She looks surprised for a second, then sheepishly says, "Uh... Howdy," consequently shaking my hand vigorously with her right hoof. Very vigorously. Ow.

"Well, why don't we introduce ourselves?" the white unicorn asked, catching her breath. "My name is Rarity, her name is Rainbow Dash, and I believe you've already met Applejack and Twiligh-"

"HI, I'M PINKIE PIE!!"

Everybody looked at her. She put on a silly grin, exclaiming, "What, you know it's true!"

I spoke up next. "Well, all right zen. You can call me Nicholas, and this is my friend, Viktor." I looked back at Viktor as I introduced him, and was greeted by an interesting sight. Of all the odd demeanors he had been adopting lately, this one was quite good. He was staring at Pinkie Pie, slacked-jawed, and she was staring back at him.

Viktor blinked.

"Ha! You lost!" Pinkie declared triumphantly. "Of course, I knew that would happen, nobody ever beats Pinkie at a pinkie-winky-blinky staring contest!!" she asserted, making wide gestures with her forehooves.

"Uh..." I started, before Twilight interrupted. "Don't worry, Nicholas, it's just Pinkie being Pinkie."

"Yeah! I'm always super-duper funzie pants!" Pinkie Pie bubbled.

"Yes, yes you are..." Viktor said quietly. He was still staring at her weirdly. I was starting to be creeped out by how he's been acting lately. Pinkie, however took it all quite differently, and was making all the googly-eyed funny faces that she could in an attempt to trump Viktor's visage. Rainbow Dash had picked herself up from crashing through the window, and was now hovering in mid-air with carefully controlled flaps of her wings.

Ignoring the face-war Pinkie was waging against Viktor, Twilight turned to the other 3 ponies in the room.

"Just curious, why isn't Fluttershy with you?"

"I don't know," Rainbow Dash said, shrugging in mid-air. "We just couldn't find her anywhere."

"OK, if you say so. Anyways, why are you all here?" Twilight asked.

"WHAT?!" Pinkie cried. "You can't have forgotten already!"

"Oh, sorry! That's right." Embarrassed, a faint tint of red blossomed on Twilight's cheeks.

"Well, DUH! This is like, the biggest thing ever!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed.

"What's going on?" I asked curiously.

Pinkie Pie was quick to answer me. "It's the biggest, bestest, funnest party EVAR! I invited everyone in Ponyville! There's gonna be pin-the-tail-on-the-pony, and cupcakes, and non-cup cakes, and cherrychangas, and chimicherries, and chimicherrychangas, and sasparilla..."

She droned on about pretty much every aspect of this mega-party she'd planned. I wasn't really paying much attention, though. I was still laughing on the inside about the name of the town.

Ponyville? Ponyville! Now that's a laugh. It's like naming a city Humantown. Seriously, whoever settled this place was a moron in terms of creativity. I knew I was being a bit cynical, but I just wasn't in a wonderful mood at the time. The last place I wanted to be was there, in a girly wonderland of harmless little dragons, ponies, rainbows, and, God forbid, rainbow ponies.

"AND SO, That's why we need to go RIGHT NOW!" Pinkie shrieked. "Gogogogogo!"

Suddenly, a brown stallion with a unkempt, almost spiky mane appeared in the doorway. He struck a triumphant pose, and yelled, "Allons-y!"

Everyone just looked at him. He looked back. He sighed angrily, and walked away from the library, muttering.

"The town eccentric," Twilight explained before I could ask. "He thinks he's a time traveler."

Viktor looked quite dismayed at this. "You mean, he isn't one?"

I chuckled at the sarcasm. Then I looked at his face again. It was a serious question.

"Never mind," he said quickly.

"Well, if y'all wanna get t' the party on time, shouldn't we be goin'?" Applejack brought up.

"Yes, I agree. We really should be departing," Rarity agreed.

"OK then!" Twilight addressed her friends, then turned to me and Viktor. "Can you guys hold tight here for a while?"

"Don't worry Missus Sparkle, we'll be just fine," I reply. She seemed pleased when I called her 'Missus.'

Viktor groaned quietly. Applejack was the only one of the five ponies that heard it, but she didn't say anything. He then looked at Twilight, saying in an oddly subdued tone, "Yes... That would be... For the best." He cast a forlorn glance and Pinkie Pie for a moment. She was too busy bouncing in place to notice. Rarity did, however, and I could've sworn she waggled her eyebrows at Viktor. Needless to say, I found the prospect of a unicorn making near-sensual gestures at someone to be unsettling, especially when it's actually happening in front of your eyes. The group, moments later, left the library, closing the door behind them with what they say is 'magic.'

I'm insane, and this is all a figment of my imagination. Duhuheiheihoo!

On the off-chance that I was wrong, I didn't feel it would be appropriate to smash Viktor in the back of the head with a lamp. It did cross my mind, however. He was hiding something from me, and I wanted to know what.

"Viktor." I stated flatly.

"What?" he asked, but the look on his face said that he knew exactly what I wanted him to tell me.

"Vhat's going on, Viktor?"

He sighed, and looked at me. He looked at the floor. Back to me. Across the room. The ceiling. The floor. The bookshelves. Back to me.

"I'll tell you, but promise not to laugh."

"Go ahead. Please, tell me." I was dead serious.

"Well, Nicholas, I... I am brony."

I stared at him for a second. The way he shrunk back as I did made me slightly made me uneasy. By far, he was the most fearless man I had ever known, and yet, here he is, wincing before the team medic like a dog who was hit one too many times. This confession was obviously important to him... The only problem was, I had no idea what he was confessing to.

"A... what again?" I inquired.

He looked concerned, then mumbled, "A... Brony."

"A brownie?" I asked. While I certainly didn't speak English accent-less, I always found Russian accents to be... Difficult sometimes. The only logical thing that he could've said was 'brownie,' assuming that what he said was a word. Unfortunately, that just made me more confused.

"No, BRONY!" he said, emphasizing the second word. "First, say 'bro.'"

"Bro," I say skeptically.

"Now, say 'knee.'"

"Now, say 'Brony!'"

"Brony."

"There you go."

"So... What is a 'brony?'"

He looked troubled at this. "Well, there is T.V. show, called 'My Little Pony,' and-"

"This is getting worse by the minute," I chuckled.

"You said no laugh," he warned.

"Alright, alright, continue." I say, making a dismissive gesture with my hand.

"And... Uh... As you see, it's target group... not men."

"And yet?"

"And yet, men do watch it, and they're called Bronies."

"...Well, that was a lot less than I thought it would be."

Viktor seemed to loosen up a little.

"So, Viktor," I venture. "Again, I ask: What's going on?"

He looked at the floor, pondering. After a few long moments, he spoke up again. "I... I don't know how, but we are in place called Ponyville, Equestria."

My thoughts strayed back to my previous line of thought regarding the town's name. Equestria. Ponyville, Equestria. 'Eques' as in 'Equine'? Ach, Gott! It's not just one town, it's the entire country! Ponyville, Equestria, meet Humantown, Anthroland.

I didn't really have anything to say to that. I turned around to browse the books, but I stopped halfway. There, in the doorway, stood a lone, sea-foam green unicorn. Staring right at me.

"Are you..." she uttered in an eerily awed tone. "Humans?"

Chapter: 4

(A/N: Sorry for the wait... I'll be in the corner or shame if you need me...)

"Lyra? Where'd you go?" came a voice from outside. The voice continued, getting closer. "What did I tell you about barging into places without knocking? I mean, honestly, don't you-"

The words died at the doorway. A lone mare stood upon the threshold, sporting a coat of calm, tawny beige, and a mane resembling strips of blue and pink taffy. A sound observation, considering the three wrapped candies that adorned her flanks. She, I noticed, lacked a horn or wings. Sucks for her.

"I'm not crazy..." the greenish unicorn whispered, her back still turned to the other mare. "All this time, Bon-Bon, you said I was, with the humans, always the humans! All the time, 'Humans don't exist, Lyra. You're hysterical, Lyra,'" she mimicked in an annoying, whiny, and high-pitched tone. "I'm not crazy. I... Am... Not... CRAZY!!" her whisper turning to a yell at the end of the declaration.

The other mare stood silent, trying and failing to process the situation. For a tense moment, she simply stood there, her face a hashed mix of confusion, frustration, and slack-jawed amazement. "Lyra... What... No, this isn't. You're making me see this with your magic or something," she said, accusation and anger creeping into her voice.

"NO! I swear to Celestia, they're real!" she pleaded desperately.

"...Surely, you can't be serious," Bon-Bon said, taking another glance at us, her sudden ire disappearing as quickly as it had came.

"I am serious. And don't call me Shirley."

"What? I never-"

"Bonnie, you're missing the point! HUMANS! HERE!" She reared up on her hind legs and gestured wildly in our general direction with both of her forehooves. "I was right all along! They exist, Bonnie, they really do! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!" She began to laugh manically.

"Lyra! Get a hold of yourself!" Bon-Bon shrieked, swinging a hoof to collide with Lyra's cheek quite a bit harder than was intended. The effect on all present was immediate. I could tell she immediately regretted it, her expression shocked and guilty. A tense silence filled the room, making it almost seem harder to breathe. The suspense was suffocating, although everybody (and pony) knew it wouldn't end well.

The cream-colored pony broke the silence. "Lyra, I-"

"Just go. Just... Go." Lyra interrupted, gesturing towards the door with a hoof, turning and refusing to look at her.

Bon-Bon hesitated, then cast her eyes to the floor, growing somber, before shuffling out of the library, closing the door softly behind her.

There was a stretch of silence. Lyra's hoof was still hanging in the air, slowly descending toward the ground.
The bitter quiet made a single tear very audible when it hit the floor. Lyra shifted when she heard it, then stood perfectly still as she looked down and took a deep breath.

Whatever emotional struggles that moments before tormented the unicorn were expertly hidden as she jumped over to Viktor and began to examine him. He looked quite uncomfortable as she tugged at his ears, limbs, and clothes with magic. I diverted my attention as I thought I heard decidedly feminine sobbing coming from nearby, outside the library. I couldn't listen for long, as Lyra had begun to inspect me as well. The feeling of the magic was... Unsettling. Similar to if I were permeated with bits of iron, and she was tugging me with a magnet. It seemed warm and smooth, yet tingling and chilly at the same time. Quite a bit to try to wrap your head around. I was intrigued by it, but also slightly frightened, seeing as I was still trying to grasp the fact that magic existed.

She stepped back, casting her gaze between us and mulling over her findings. After a few seconds, she began to bombard us with questions.

"So, where are you from? How did you get here? Are you ok? What's your names? How-"

"Please, slow down," Viktor interrupted curtly.

She looked bemused for a second, before deciding to ask, "Alright, first things first, where are you from, and how did you get here?

"We are from a place far away, and we don't know how we got here," Viktor responded.

"...Well, that was certainly eye-opening," Lyra joked sarcastically.

I chuckled, already beginning to take a liking to her attitude.

She looked ready to ask another question, but I cut her off. "Now it's my turn," I asserted.

She cocked her head at me. Then, her eyes lit up, and she gushed, "Oh, curious about Equestria? I have so much to tell you! You see, this-"

"No. You see, the pony who lives in this library-" I gesture around me, "-said that she'd never heard of humans. How have you?"

Her gaze skirted back and forth, suddenly nervous. "Well, you see, uh, there's really nothing to tell... Yeah, I just heard some myth about them, from a long, long time ago, old books and stuff," she responded quickly, throwing in an awkward, airy little laugh which served for nothing else than to further weaken her facade.

I don't buy it. I kept my thoughts to myself, though. I'll find out in due time.

The door opened silently behind us. The six ponies from earlier appeared in the library without Lyra noticing, until a voice said,

"Oh, hello there! I see you've met our... Guests. Can I help you find something?"

Lyra whirled around, only to be greeted by six brightly-colored individuals. Three of them looked pretty much just the same as they were before, while the others like they'd had an interesting party experience. Pinkie Pie was bouncing up and down, as usual, but wrapped in steamers like a mummified pinata, Rarity was splashed with mud, making disgusted squeaks with every step she took, and Fluttershy was leaning on Rainbow Dash, limping forward slowly.

Is she hurt? I worried. I looked more closely, but didn't see an injury of some sort. No, probably not. Then, what? I was still unable to discern her exact condition. As the six mares milled into the library, Lyra managed to make an excuse and slip outside before anyone could ask her anything. My attention was caught, along with a few others, as Rainbow Dash delicately let the now-speaking yellow pegasus down.

"Arrah... Doyah... Whuh?" Fluttershy slurred, looking around. "Yer arse's ass and I'm the grass mare, punk yeah ya havin' heathen... *hic* "

"Good heavens, Rainbow Dash, what did you put in that punch?" Rarity inquired with a concerned air.

"Let's talk about something else, ok?" Rainbow huffed.

"That was pretty good for a prank, though, Dashie," Pinkie bubbled. "I mean, wow, 400 proof? That's like not even possible! Magic, am I right?"

Suddenly, Fluttershy yelled out at such a volume that it made everyone jump. "WHY DONSHA' SAY 'AT... Duh ta huggah... Bluhie fru shap ownah... Guh."

If the faces of the ponies said anything, that outburst was quite unorthodox. Even I was a bit rattled, noting the contrast between, the gentle, shy, soft-spoken mare that found us in the forest, and the raging drunk she appeared to be now. I'd seen my fair share of raging drunks (A certain black, Scottish cyclops comes to mind,) and this was fairly bad.

"Whatever it was, Dash, that stuff should be illegal." Applejack said, sounding a bit frightened.

"Hehe, yeah, it's legal and stuff..." Rainbow Dash chuckled nervously. If anyone besides me was suspicious, they didn't show it.

And thus, the night wore on, with mixed discussion among the six ponies, except for Twilight, who was busy rifling through a thick tome in search of a spell to cure severe intoxication. Viktor and I managed to work out a plan to sleep in the barn at 'Sweet Apple Acres' until we found a better place to stay. Everything was turning out great. I was surprised at how well we were being received, and for no other reason than their innate kindness. This might not be so bad after all...

We were able to depart fairly quickly, seeing as neither I nor Viktor had any possessions to speak of besides what we were wearing. Although we were traveling lightly, it was still going to be a tiring journey given the large distance to the farm. Applejack, who I learned along the way was the proprietor of Sweet Apple Acres, entertained us with a tale of how her grandmother found rainbow Zapapples and escaped a pack of snarling Timber Wolves. Not regular Timber Wolves, they were literally made out of stray pieces of timber wood. Normally, I would have considered this to be heavily-fabricated, but I had reached the point where I honestly didn't know what existed, and what didn't exist; the possible and the impossible. Believable or not, the fable was interesting enough to pass the time.

As we entered Sweet Apple Acres, I couldn't help but be amazed by the vast swath of trees stretching for nearly as far as the eye could see. We turned a bend on the dirt and began heading directly toward a large red barn. Sitting outside, something covered in a newspaper was rocking in a rickety-looking rocking chair.

"Who's that?" I asked, pointing.

"Well that, mah friend, is my good ol' Granny Smith." Applejack said.

The newspaper slipped off the pony of interest to reveal a green, white-haired, wrinkled and otherwise very old looking mare. She gave a small snort and whinny before opening her eyes and muttering something unintelligible. She swiveled her head back and forth a bit before locking her eyes on us as we approached her.

"My my, they jus' keep gittin' taller, don't they?" she said, squinting. "I didn't now you were hiring help, Applejack... Where in Equestria did you find such tall colts?"

"Come again?" Applejack asked, leaning to give Granny Smith a familiar nuzzle.

"Ah said, where in Equestria did you find farmhooves like them? They're just so... Big!" she said in a vaguely awed tone. "An'... Why n' tarnation are they standin' on two hooves? They acrobats?"

"Ah, no. ya see-"

"Why in the world would would acrobats? Do ya not have the sense Celestia gave gravel?" Granny Smith ranted.

"Hey!" Applejack exclaimed defensively. "Why so cranky? Did'ja forget to eat breakfast again?"

"...I am mighty hungry..." Granny Smith conceded. "You're right. Ah guess I'll meet ya friends later." She leaped up surprisingly nimbly, and left without another word.

"Shall we get ya settled in?" Applejack suggested, turning back around towards us.

"Sure!" Viktor agreed enthusiastically, looking like a fourth grader on a field trip.

"Yeah," I said, audibly less excited. I heard a noise like a snapping branch behind me. Turning around just in time, something caught my eye: A flash of a sea-foam green tail going behind a tree. In as much silence as I could muster, I slid over to the tree, then jumped past it and looked at the other side.

...Nothing. Nobody. No pony, either.

Does anything here make logical sense?! I thought angrily.

I trudged back to where Viktor and Applejack were standing brushing off confused comments. Applejack shrugged as well as a mare could do with her forehooves still planted on the ground.

"Alright, let's get some beds ready for you guys," she declared.

We spent a almost a week at the farm, most of the time either playing along with the crazed shenanigans of Applejack's sister, Applebloom, and her motley crew of "Cutie Mark Crusaders," helping out on the farm, or talking with her older brother, Big Macintosh. Despite his simple demeanor, Mac's thoughts were oftentimes deep and philosophical, leading to many an interesting discussion. He, for one didn't seem to be terribly fixated on the fact that they were "human." In fact, he spoke to them just as he would to a fellow stallion.

Fun and games aside, it didn't take long for both me and Viktor to come to a similar conclusion after plenty of sweaty, dirty work in the fields: We were going to need new duds. Thankfully, Applejack reminded us that her friend Rarity owned a clothes boutique in town, and gave directions to it. She gave us a nice pouch of 'bits,' which she informed us was the local currency. Viktor, of course, seemed to know what they were already, and accepted them without question.

We departed at brisk pace, following Applejack's specifications. After a refreshing bit of jogging, we came upon a certain 'Carousel Boutique,' and went inside.

A feminine voice chimed out, like a crystal bell. "Welcome to Carousel Boutique, where everything is chic, unique, and magnifique! How may I help y-" she stopped as she saw the new arrivals. "My! So nice to see you both again!"

"You, too," Viktor said courteously.

"If it wouldn't be too much trouble, miss, we need some new clothing, and our uniforms fixed up." I explained.

"Right away!" Rarity exclaimed, immediately floating fabric over to herself, and turning around to her various instruments. "I'm happy oblige. Now, if you'll just kindly take off those things for me, I can get to work right away!" Rarity chirped.

After a moment of awkward silence, Rarity turned around, glancing at us.

"Umm... Can you take off the uniforms, please?" she inquired politely.

Oh. OK then, it wouldn't kill me... Moments later, I was awkwardly standing there in nothing but plaid boxers. I turned my head to Viktor, making a "get on with it" gesture once I saw that he had done nothing. He coughed, his face turning red.

"Come on. See, I did it!" I whispered to him.

"No, no... See, I... Ugh," Viktor reasoned feebly.

"We need these fixed, Viktor! Now just take it off!" I hissed.

After a bit more verbal stumbling, Viktor took off his shirt and pants. His face was akin to a wonderfully ripe tomato.

"See, now that wasn't so hard, was i-" I stopped as something caught my eye. Something pink. Is Viktor wearing pink polka-dot boxers? Wait, no... Those aren't dots, that's... a pony's face? Wait, it seems familiar! Was it... No, that's right, it was the one from the library - Pinkie Pie! I remembered triumphantly, before realizing the full implications of the situation.

Viktor hazarded a glance at Rarity. He visibly cringed at her shocked expression of surprise and embarrassment.

She blushed, nervously shuffling her hooves and 'magicking' some body-sized blankets over to us.

"I... Uh... I'll have something for you next morning; I'm really stacked up right now. Nice to see you both," She stammered before grabbing the uniforms and hurrying into her workroom, purposefully avoiding looking at Viktor. The door slammed quickly behind her.

"Nice boxers," I said, sniggering.

"You. Quiet."

Seeing no reason to linger, we decided that blankets were better than just underwear, and donned them in the fashion of makeshift robes. Although it wasn't really practical, comfy, or stylish, we couldn't just sit outside the shop for an entire day and night. We began to stroll away as casually as we could in our, quite frankly, ridiculous clothing, heading back to Sweet Apple Acres. We still had Applejack's bits, probably because Rarity forgot to ask for them in the awkwardness of the moment.

As fate would have it, we didn't go 2 minutes without yet more problems. We heard galloping behind us, and turned only to see the elusive Lyra. She had run up behind us from God knows how far.

"Hey, *pant* I've been trying to catch up to you..." she coughed out in bursts. "Uh... Nice robes?"

I was naturally suspicious of her, since I still had no explanation for her possible appearance at Sweet Apple Acres.

Receiving nothing but stares from us, she coughed and continued quickly.

"Yeah... Uh... I heard you were looking for a more permanent place to stay, and I'm sort of a human enthus- I mean, no, no! I, uh... just... I have food and stuff... and... uh..." she blundered on awkwardly.

Me and Viktor exchanged glances. She ran all that way just to go nowhere.

"Ugh... Just... Uh... Here! I brought something cool to show you!" she exclaimed, giving each of us a glass vial that held about 3 shot glasses' worth of a strange, golden liquid.

"Just try it, it's great!" she said, taking out a third vial. "See? Delicious!" she assured as she drank it all in a gulp.

I looked to Viktor, shrugging and putting on a face that said, "Should I?"

Viktor simply responded by uncorking the vial and downing it. For a moment, he looked like he was going to vomit, but it became apparent that he simply was surprised as he stared at the empty vial incredulously. Seeing as I was the last to the party, I opened the vial. The oddest smell was coming from the mysterious fluid. I don't need to be alive anyway.

*gulp*

Similar to Viktor, I almost spat it out merely because I was taken so far aback.

Liquid steak?! I surmise, although a bit disbelieving. I thought these things didn't like meat!

"So? What do you think?" Lyra said excitedly.

"This... Is strange vodka," Viktor said, bewildered.

"What? Vodka? Mine was steak," I interjected, becoming more intrigued by the second.

"Really? What kind of steak?" Lyra inquired cheerfully.

"Uh... Steak-steak?" I said, fairly certain that steak was steak.

"Like, What steak-steak? Cauliflower steak, corn steak, what?" she said, still patient.

I was about to answer her with a bit more definition when I heard Viktor forcefully whisper, "Nyet!"

Deciding that the "brony" knew best, I simply responded, "Eh, I don't know anymore."

Lyra deflated a little, but picked right back up. "Here, follow me, I have a bunch of other things just as cool as that to show you!"

"Wait," I said. "What... Was that stuff?" I ask.

"Ambrosia! Well, it's technically just colored, opaque water. All it takes is a little magic to make it taste like, quite frankly, whatever you want it to."

"Did you invent?" Viktor asks.

"Well, no, I read about it.... But I did make that batch myself!" she pointed out pridefully.

"Is there..." Viktor began, "...more?"

"Yeah, and tons of other awesome things too! C'mon!" she chirped. "Follow me!"

We figured there was no harm in a little fun, and walked down a few quiet side-streets, talking with the pastel mare along the way. Soon enough, we arrived at a dainty, pink apartment complex. After walking up three flights of not-so-mint-condition wood stairs, our destination was the second door on the left.

"Welcome to my humble abode, gentlemen," Lyra said in a humorously snobby voice, levitating a key to the door and unlocking it with a little click.

It swung open with a small gust of glowing green, revealing a somewhat trashy interior. A stain here or there, a saggy couch... Is that a pizza box?

"Sorry, I didn't really get this place cleaned up too much..." she said sheepishly, as if addressing my thoughts.

"Is fine," Viktor assured.

"So... Uh... Feel free to eat whatever you want from the fridge."

Well, I am pretty hungry... I wandered toward the kitchen while Lyra was, to an small extent, showing Viktor around. Finding the desired white box, I pull it open with the odd circular hoof-handle on the front. Inside, I found a plethora of interesting things, including sandwiches, weird yellow smoothie-like liquid, a large head of iceberg lettuce, and what looked like a few hundred flowers. I unbound a sandwich from it's plastic wrap and took a bite.

Ugh... This tastes like someone stuffed a bunch of grass in it. Lifting up the top slice of bread, I realized that someone did, in fact, stuff a bunch of grass in it.

I took another look in the fridge. Better than nothing... I grab the head of crunchy lettuce and take a loud bite. Walking out to the living room, I see Lyra using her magic to furiously scribble on a notepad as Viktor dictated.

"She weighs 150 kilograms and fires $200 custom tooled cartridges at 10000 rounds per minute..." he boasts.

Please tell me again, I seem to have forgotten.

I left him to inform yet another lucky person about every millimeter of Sasha, opening the curtains and admiring the view.

Man, there was a lot to be admired. It was almost as if this apartment was solely designed to have the best view of the town possible. I could see town hall, the library, and even a the tops of the Sweet Apple Acres barn and Fluttershy's cottage.
The town square, instead of the gray-green color of its pavement, it was pattered with spots of pastel colors, all moving with their own sentient agenda. It was amazing how impossible it was and yet it was happening right in front of my eyes.

My reverie was disturbed by a bright flash of light below me. I quickly glanced downwards, but only managed to see a rustling bush. Regardless, I backed away from the window, closing the curtains.

Calm down, calm down... It was probably just an animal. I still wondered about the light, though.

I shuffled back to the living room only to find that Lyra had filled her notepad and was halfway through a second, making an earnest attempt to document all of Viktor's narration about his history with Sasha (Which is to say, his life story.)

The hours dragged on. Lyra showed us a collection of magical knickknacks that were apparently foal's playthings, though they still astounded us to a large degree. We also had a quite respectable exchange of information about both Equestria and the nations of Earth. She told us about all the other truth-defying features of the world; Dragons, griffons, hydras, Tartarus, and basically everything mythical existed. Viktor absorbed this all with complete ease, while my neurons fried at an alarming rate. Lyra excused herself, went over to a table, painstakingly wrote a letter, and then burned it into green flames without a care in the world.

...What.

Then, suddenly, another green flare seemed to materialize from thin air and drop a scroll with a red bow in front of her.
She picked up the letter anxiously, but looked very pleased with herself upon reading it. She said that we could stay here for today, and that Applejack knew.

Needless to say, my brain needed a break. After voicing my request, Lyra showed us to the bedrooms.

"Go ahead, lie down, I know you'll be impressed," she said smugly.

It just looks like any other bed. Well, I'll just take her word for it.

I walked over, opened the covers, and slipped in.

...Holy shit. Best... Bed... Ever... I felt like I was melting into it, it was just so goddamn comfortable. I couldn't even think straight, all I wanted to do was just go to sleep. The last thing I heard before I nodded off was, "Magic is great, isn't it?"

I slept better than I had in... well... my life. I was beginning to think that this whole "magic" business might not be as daunting as originally expected. Getting up, I felt like I was walking on air. Oddly enough, I didn't feel drowsy like I usually do in the morning, just energized, happy, and ready to tackle the day. Magic is great...

I was pleased to find out that Lyra was waiting on me, with a plate of breakfast and coffee she had mysteriously acquired. Just as I began to head towards it, a dull thump sounded from behind me.

"What was that?" I asked.

Lyra simply sighed. "Lemme guess, Derpy's doing another "express run" challenge?" She nodded her head sagely as she heard some glass breaking and a off-sounding voice saying, "Woops!"

Sensing my confusion, Lyra began to explain. "Basically, she tries to see how fast she can get her deliveries out of the way, and break her record from last time. Unfortunately, that means she favors hurling the package in the general direction of the recipient's home and hoping they're paying enough attention to go and get it. It doesn't happen too often, but sometimes she accidentally throws fragile objects into brick walls. We forgive her."

"...Interesting..." I said in response. Deciding to go and see what Derpy didn't have the time to give a damn about, I opened quietly. Seeing a newspaper, I quickly snatched it up and closed the door.

"It was just a newspaper, apparently..." I said, gaining Lyra's attention.

"Really, they usually have papercolt come by with that... They must really want it to be distributed fast. I bet it's a big headline!" Lyra reasoned excitedly.

Enough to pique my interest... I thought, opening it up to the front page. What caught me first was a picture... of me?! Sure enough, there I was, looking out of the large window in the apartment. Wait, for the position of that photo, he would have had to been right in the bush that I saw rustling before! ...And the flash of light was a goddamn camera. I had a clone, he would've slapped me.

And, as fate would have it, I decided to read to connected headline:

LOCAL RESIDENT LYRA HEARTSTRINGS

HOUSES SPACE ALIENS IN HER HOME!