Prologue: Pinkamena Alone
It was a bright, sunny Monday afternoon, and I was alone.
The Cakes had left for a baking convention in Canterlot, and had decided to take the babies with them, so I had Sugarcube Corner all to myself for a week or so. I'd tried to reach my friends, but they all had something to do, and couldn't hang out.
Twilight's off in Canterlot studying next level magic, Rarity's off in Canterlot too making an ensemble for Hoity Toity, Applejack's off in Appleloosa helping Braeburn harvest the apple orchard there, Fluttershy's sick, and Rainbow Dash is off in Trottingham to see the Wonderbolts. I'm alone. Again!
I lay on her bed, groaning.
So BORED!
This pony needed something to do, and fast! I could already feel my hair deflating, my head sinking lower onto my pillow.
Maybe one of my other Ponyville friends can hang out.
I headed out to see if any of my other friends wanted to play, my hair poofing up at the prospect of having a good time with friends. I got to Lyra and Bon Bon's place, but when I knocked on the door, there was nopony home.
That's odd. They're usually home hanging out together. Where could they be?
I looked around Lyra and Bon Bon's yard. It was all overgrown, with weeds and brambles choking the flowers that usually grew there. Ivy zigzagged up the walls of the cobblestone house, and several stones had fallen out of place, leaving small holes in the house.
What a mess! They must not have been here in a while!
But what was most striking was the large sign stuck into the ground near the path to the door. I couldn't read it from this angle, so I walked over to it. I looked at the bright red letters painted on it, and gasped in shock.
FOR SALE
How could their house be for sale? I'd just talked to them last week! I headed into town to get some info about what was going on with Lyra and Bon Bon. I saw Blossomforth, one of Lyra's other friends, tending to her flower stand, and approached her.
"Oh, hi, Pinkie Pie! How are you doing?" Blossomforth said, giving me a smile. "Isn't it a beautiful day today?"
"Yeah, it's pretty nice, I guess." Pretty nice was an understatement. There wasn't a cloud in the sky, and the sun was approaching its zenith, meaning that it was almost noon. I've always had the ability to tell time just by looking at the sun or the shadows that objects cast when they block the sunlight. All ponies have that ability. Sometimes I wonder why we need watches if we can just look up at the sky or at the nearest shadow and know what time it is.
"So," I said, getting to the point. "Have you seen Lyra or Bon Bon around?"
"No, I haven't." Blossomforth said, looking at me curiously. "Why do you ask?"
"I wanted to see if they could hang out."
"Ah. No, I haven't seen them for a week or so."
"That's odd. I could've sworn I'd seen them just the other day. Are you sure?" I asked.
"Positive." she replied. "Sorry, Pinkie."
I walked back to Sugarcube Corner, resigned to a day spent in boringness.
Three Days Later
I'd been hanging out in Sugarcube corner, baking up a storm. Cupcakes, muffins, pies, tarts - anything to keep me busy - but it was no use. My hair was about as deflated as it could be. The one highlight of my week - Rainbow Dash coming back from Trottingham - had been marred by worry and fear.
Rainbow Dash was supposed to come back early this morning, but it's almost noon and there's been no sign of her!
I was in Ponyville Cafe now, sipping on a chocolate milkshake and thinking about my hotheaded friend.
I wonder what could have happened to make her so late?
My thoughts were interrupted by a voice.
"There she is!"
I looked up to see two burly ponies running towards me.
"You're the one that killed Lyra and Bon Bon!"
I backed away in shock and horror.
What are they talking about? I didn't kill them! I haven't even seen them all week! Sure, when I get lonely I get a little zany, but not cuckoo-loco-kill-a-couple-of-ponies crazy!
"I-I..." I tried to stammer out an answer, but I was too stunned to speak.
"Stop right there! We're here to take you to the Princess to answer for your crimes, murderer!"
I turned and ran as fast as my hooves could carry me to Sugarcube Corner, tears clouding my vision as I heard the townsfolk talk about me as I ran home.
"What's up with Pinkie Pie?"
"Why is she crying?"
"She was talking to some ponies earlier. Maybe it was something they said to her."
"She's heading to Sugarcube Corner."
I opened the front door and ran up to my room, collapsing on the bed, tears streaming from my eyes. I heard voices out of the open window.
"Wait! That pony is a murderer!"
"Really? Pinkie Pie?"
"She is! She's a killer! She killed Lyra and Bon Bon!"
"But she's Pinkie Pie! How could she kill somepony?"
"You know how she gets when she's sad or lonely! Remember her birthday? She went crazy and killed them!"
"Quick! Somepony get in there and stop her!"
Oh no! People are actually believing I killed them! I wouldn't harm a single hair on their heads! What was I thinking coming here? I need to leave quick, before I get in some serious trouble!
I heard hoofsteps coming from the main floor and, thinking quickly, I barricaded the door with a dresser.
"Hey, she's in here! I can't get the door open! Quick, somepony help me get this open so we can stop her!"
I started packing my things into a small suitcase.
Thankfully I have secret hideouts all over Ponyville and its outskirts, in case of secret hideout emergency.
I steadied my hooves on the windowsill, and looked out over the small crowd of ponies that had gathered around the building, surrounding it on all sides. From behind me, I heard the dresser shift.
I don't have much time. Quick. Think, Pinkamena, think! A-HAH! I have an idea!
I opened my closet, and located one of my seventeen trusty Party Cannons.
Time for another launch, old friend.
I stuffed some confetti and streamers in for padding, and was rolling it to the window when I heard the dresser fall over and the door swing open. The two ponies who'd confronted me at the cafe burst into the room, propelled forward by excess momentum.
Sorry, guys.
I got on my front legs, and kicked them both in the face. They staggered back, gasping in pain, and I aimed Party Cannon #7 at the building next to me.
Account for wind... aim three centimeters upwards for every hundred meters of lateral distance covered...
I loaded myself in as the two ponies regained their wits, said a silent goodbye to the residents of Ponyvile, and lit the fuse.
This is gonna hurt.
The cannon fired just as the buff ponies were reaching for it. The cannon shot me out the window, recoil sending the cannon into the ponies, knocking them over. I flew for a few glorious seconds as I hurtled towards the building in an arc aiming for the lone window set near the top of the building. I crashed through the glass, shards landing at my feet and cutting me up a bit. Fortunately, there wasn't anypony on the inside of the building, so I had a little time, which I extended by barricading the door with two dressers. I looked towards the fireplace.
Is this building #2?
I swept my hoof along the brick of the fireplace, searching for the mark I'd left on the inside with white marker. There it was, the mark that said FIREPLACE #2, slightly smudged by smoke.
Good. Time to think inside the chimney again, Chancellor.
I pressed my hoof against the third brick from the top left, then the fifteenth brick from the top left, then the fourth brick from the top right, then the fourteenth brick from the top right.
The chimney opened up to reveal a small shaft leading down to a tunnel that I'd carved a while back. Somehow it was still in good repair. I wasn't too surprised though; all of my tunnels seemed to be clean and well kept, even if I'd only used them once a year ago when I was testing out my secret tunnel system in one of my paranoid Pinkamena streaks.
I jumped down the shaft, landing on my hooves, and pressed a small button that was flush with the tunnel wall. The chimney closed, cutting off all light in the tunnel. I clapped twice, and dim florescent light filled the tunnel.
Now to get to the bottom of this.
It was a dark, dreary Thursday afternoon, and I was alone.
I walked down the tunnels, heading for one of the many hideouts I'd made during my longest streak as Pinkamena, and as I walked, I spoke. Not that anypony could hear me, of course - the tunnels were soundproof - but I spoke anyway, just to hear my own voice. If I was alone in here for too long, well, I'd been doing all I could to fight off Pinkamena as it was. I didn't know how long I could last without going insane.
"Did I really kill Lyra and Bon Bon?" I asked myself.
Of course you didn't. You might be crazy, but you're not a killer.
"Who were those burly ponies? I'd never seen them before in my life, and they just come bursting from the blue to accuse me of murder!"
That was very rude of them, yes. But from the way they acted, they must have been from Canterlot. What's more, it looked like they were waiting for you to come to the Cafe. There was too much relief in their voices.
"Does that mean that they were trying to catch me? Trying to frame me for murder?"
That seems to be the only reasonable explanation.
"Then there's only one thing to do."
Find the real killer and clear your name?
"Exactly."
I walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. There was nothing else to do but walk and walk until I got to one of the hideouts.
After a few minutes of walking, I came to a dead end, or what might have looked like one to anypony else but me. The wall was there to discourage anypony who might happen upon this tunnel, but I knew its secrets. I knew that if you pressed yourself up against the wall and pushed just so...
The wall swung on a hidden set of hinges, and revealed a long hallway with doors set every few feet along both sides. I knew very well which room I was headed for.
Pinkie, you don't want to do this. I can help.
"You can't help anything, Pinkamena. All you do is make people sad, and ruin everything."
I closed the wall behind me, and started walking - more slowly now, as if I dreaded the room I meant to enter.
I don't ruin things. I just know the right way to look at them. Pinkie Pie, the world isn't all rainbows and happiness and parties.
"You're right. It isn't. Those are just the things that matter most. Now, thirteenth door on the right..."
Pinkie Pie, please. Just let me help you. You don't need to go through this. You're just delaying the inevitable. Let me take over, just this once.
"No. Not until Ponyville's safe from you."
I stepped inside the door, letting it swing closed behind me. The latch clicked with finality as I walked towards the rough metal table that stood in the center of the room.
Please! I'm begging you! I just want a little room to maneuver! I won't harm anyone! I've never harmed anyone, and you know that! I'm going to get out of here eventually anyway! PLEASE!
"No."
I could hardly move now, so strong was Pinkamena's resolve not to be trapped on that table again.
"This. Is. For. Our. Own. Good. Pinkamena. Someday. You'll. Thank. Me. And. We'll. Laugh. It. All. Off."
I was sweating now, my body twitching uncontrollably as I spoke through gritted teeth, laying down on the table and readying myself for what was to come.
Please! For your sake, listen to me! Listen to reason! I'm the sane one! You're the psycho! You're the crazy one!
"Enough. Table, restrain Pinkie Pie!"
I spoke the command and metal clamps shot out from the table, holding my hooves fast. It wasn't uncomfortable, but it was still a trap. I couldn't get off of the table, and I couldn't leave the room until I spoke the command word, and I wasn't about to let Pinkamena do that.
There. Now we're both trapped until either one of us gives up.
If I have to wrench control from you in order to make you see what's going on here, I will, Pinkie, and you know that.
Yes, I know. But I'm not giving up that easily. If you want to use this body, then you'll have to pry it from my cold, dead, mental fingers.
So be it. Shall we get started then?
One Month Later
I finished drawing on the tiles of Room 23 and stepped back to admire my handiwork. Every tile in the room had a symbol on it that I'd come to see a lot over the past two weeks. The symbol, which I called the Ignorance Rune, had a profound effect on the ponies of Ponyville, namely the fact that they didn't seem to see it. Ever. It was written all over the town, but nopony ever noticed it, or, as I'd come to realize after watching the townsfolk go about their business, anything that the rune was inscribed upon. They walked past huge pillars with the symbol - a closed eye inside of an upside-down pentagon - drawn on them, and they didn't even move until they were right about to hit the things. They walked right past large piles of swords and armor and didn't even blink. Eventually, I'd tried an experiment. I'd taken the symbol, drawn it on a piece of paper, which I taped to my forehead, and went outside for the first time in two and a half weeks. Nopony had noticed a 'murderer' walking amongst them. I'd even gone right up to Blossomforth and done a little dance in front of her. No reaction. Ponies didn't notice the Ignorance Rune. There were limitations, though. I'd tried painting the rune on a building, and ponies still noticed the building, but not the rune. After that, I'd made a note to myself in my Intel Room.
The Ignorance Rune causes ponies to ignore anything that bears it, unless ignoring that thing would contradict reality drastically, i.e. buildings disappearing, or an entire room full of tile being invisible. In those instances, the rune and any message that contains it become not invisible but subliminal.
I'd seen several messages containing the rune painted on large edifices such as buildings. They'd said things like Report any suspicious activity to the authorities, or Pinkie Pie cannot be trusted, or my favorite: All is well in Equestria. No need to worry. Be happy. You are safe here. It was obvious that whoever was influencing Ponyville was doing so via these messages.
Everything was ready for me to welcome my first guest. I went to the kitchen and fired up the oven. It'd been a long time since I'd baked anything, but I wanted to make something special for Rainbow Dash so she wouldn't feel scared when she came here. I remembered the song I'd sung to Applebloom a while back, and whistled it while I mixed the various ingredients for my cupcakes, including one very special one. It was laced with a special mixture that I'd gotten the recipe for, interestingly enough, in a nightmare I'd had a few years ago. I couldn't remember much of what the nightmare was about, but it involved me, Rainbow Dash, and several knives. The old Pinkamena would've shuddered at the thought of it, but I wasn't the old Pinkamena. After a week of intense internal struggle, Pinkie Pie had faded away into nothingness, leaving just me behind. I thought back to that day as I put the special cupcake in the oven to bake.
I was struggling, as I had been all week, to free myself from the shackles without having to speak the vocal command, which I couldn't do with Pinkie Pie fighting me at every turn. My throat was raw from screaming, and my voice was all but gone. The table was stained with urine from the lack of proper facilities and with blood from my numerous attempts to gnaw my hooves off, which Pinkie Pie had stopped every time. I'd finally given up on brute force, and decided to have a little chat with my captor.
Pinkie Pie, you'd better get over here and talk to me.
What's wrong, Pinkamena? Not enjoying your short leash?
As a matter of fact, I am not. I am in pain and I am scared and I yearn to be free. Just give up.
You know just as well as I do that I can't do that. As inevitable as my subjugation might be, I intend to make you fight for every inch of ground you gain. You're not going to get loose until I'm good and ready to let you loose.
Well, I still have my trump card: knowledge. If you don't let me out, I'm going to have to use it.
And what bit of knowledge would that be? You have nothing to say that I don't already know. I'm you, remember? I know everything you know. I've seen everything you've seen, heard everything you've heard, thought everything you've thought. You can't hide anything from me.
Oh, I'm positive you don't know what I do. You're in denial, Pinkie Pie. You don't know this because you don't want to know. You don't know because you've known it all along. I don't need to hide the truth. You're doing a spectacular job of that yourself
And what kernel of truth would that be?
You're the alternate personality, Pinkie Pie. You're the fake one, not me. You're the one trying to protect me from the world. You're the one that always loses these battles because you're the crazy one. You're blind. You're deaf. You don't know the truth about what's going on. But here's the thing: I don't need you anymore. I can protect myself by myself. I don't need you to shelter me anymore. Go away, Pinkie Pie. Go. Away!
That's it? You just expect me to leave because you don't want me around any more? That's your big plan? How silly.
Yes. Pinkie Pie, I do. I expect you to leave because I say so, and do you want to know why?
I hate you. I. Hate. You.
I hate the fact that you exist, that somewhere in me is a shallow, hyperactive idiot just waiting to be unleashed.
I hate your poofy cotton candy hair.
I hate your happy-go-lucky attitude.
I hate your positive outlook on life.
I hate your obsession with parties.
I hate your knowledge of baking and cooking.
Go away! I don't need you any more! I don't want you! You're useless!
"Go away and LEAVE ME ALONE!"
I'd jumped, startled by the rough voice that had suddenly burst forth out of nowhere. I'd looked around in fear until I realized that it was my voice, rough from a week of screaming at the top of my lungs.
"I can talk." Pinkie Pie?
"I can talk!" Pinkie Pie!?
"I CAN TALK!" I killed you.
"I'm free!" I'm sorry.
"I can finally help the others." Goodbye, sister.
"I can finally learn the truth." I hope you can forgive me someday.
"Table, release Pinkamena Diane Pie!"
The shackles had disengaged, and I'd slid off of the table, landing weakly on my back hooves. After regaining my strength, I'd cleaned the blood and urine off of the table, and gotten down to business. I'd stalked the citizens of Ponyville from secret lookouts all over town. Eventually, I'd noticed the Ignorance Runes and developed a plan.
The ringing of the oven timer shook me from my trip down memory lane. I shook my head and resumed my
Enough reminiscing, Pinkamena. Time to get back to work.
There was a lot to do if I wanted to help Rainbow Dash wake up.
