The Gods Are Laughing at Us
This was my response to the Author Support Group prompt about finding and exploring a mine
Prince Blueblood Dies at the End.
by Hellouise
Once upon a time in the fragrant and brightly colored land of Equestria, a well-groomed unicorn prince stood before the gaping, black maw of an old cave that may, at one point, have been a mine. It lead into a high cliff which ascended into fog, and at its base spread a sprawling, uncivilized forest; a wilderness of possibility. The stallion could have been the only pony around for miles except for the fact that he was not alone. Just inside the cave stood another pony, a rather ugly pony if truth be told, and he was blocking the cave’s entrance much to the first stallion’s chagrin.
The ugly one wore a dark, mud covered cloak that covered him from cutie mark to muzzle – he was not a unicorn judging by the lack of anything protruding from beneath the cloak, though wings could have been hidden within the folds. He blocked the entrance with an old, gnarled staff. And he was missing a few teeth.
The prince, in contrast, appeared artificially dashing, chivalrous, and strong: a pleasant image if not for his clenched teeth, twitching eyes, and hooves stirring up a dust cloud in irritation. He was unused to ponies standing in his way. After all, he was a prince of Equestria! But being a prince of Equestria meant you were chastised by the princesses of Equestria and he had had a rather severe the reminder of what being a prince and a gentlecolt was all about after the last Gala. Apparently treating honored guests like dirt, especially honored guests who may or may not (was their really any proof??) have saved Equestria, is frowned upon. Seriously, who knew? Blueblood winced at the thought. He was on this quest at his auntie’s behest, as punishment for his undignified conduct and rudeness towards an Element of Harmony. He was determined to make progress though, make his aunts proud, rule the world etc, and so to that end he gave a polite cough to queue the ugly pony to move.
Still the ugly pony stood before him, staring forward blankly. Politeness was getting him nowhere. All the prince wanted was to gracefully buck him out of the way, but as a gentlecolt he was obliged to wait and so wait he did. And wait. And only after five minutes of playing the silent game did he, with an exasperated look, neigh out:
“Sweet Celestia dear sir! Won’t thou hasten to deny me my path no further?!” Language classes with Luna were going swimmingly.
The ugly one gazed coolly back, unperturbed by the sudden outburst. After a few awkward seconds and a look that clearly said “What did I do in life to deserve this?”, the ugly one cleared his throat and began.
“What is your name?”
“Err…what? Ah, right, I am Prince Blueblood of Equestria!” At that, Blueblood puffed out his brawny white chest, and with a flick of his flowing, golden mane flashed an undeniably suave smile.
Though he’d never admit it, the ugly one’s heart gave a flutter at the sight of such polished ivory teeth and glittering blue eyes – they shone like sapphire pools suspended between brow and snout. A bit of pink crept its way onto his ugly, wrinkled, dirt-caked cheeks. The heart wants what the heart wants, as they say. Recovering from his grin-induced trance, the ugly pony continued.
“What is your quest?”
“I seek to explore this mine!”
“…How hot is the sun?”
“As hot as me, of course.”
A few awkward seconds passed in which Blueblood stared at the ugly pony with a confidence beyond similes.
“You may pass.”
Those three little words were music to prince Blueblood’s ears, and with them he shuffled past the ugly pony into the darkness, into the unknown, into adventure!
The darkness swallowed Blueblood further at every twist and turn into the old mountainside. He restrained himself from lighting up his horn, on this quest he was forbidden from using magic. After all, if things were that easy it wouldn’t be a proper punishment. Without the benefit of a light-spell his manicured hooves were quickly dusted with dirt and stubbed upon many small rocks. Yet he dared not use magic, for he knew in the tingling of his lizard brain that the princesses were watching.
After minutes of this and many imaginative swears, time began to lose definition for him. It became an eternal game of shuffling forward on shaking hooves looking for and avoiding rocks while simultaneously trying not to suffocate on the dust-clogged air. Truly, the definition of fun!
Slowly, after hours or maybe just minutes of blackness, shapes began to form. Tiny misshapen shadows going every which way appeared on walls and suddenly rocks became easier to avoid. Although the new found light was a vast improvement, he could not help but feel concern. The light had no discernible source, and rather than streaks of sunshine the light manifested itself as a red glow, much like night club mood-lighting. His eyes shifted back and forth nervously, and lines of sweat streaked down his dirtied, velvet muzzle. That was when he noticed the heat.
Worry etched itself across the stallion’s newly illuminated features. Perhaps the mountain was a volcano, perhaps he would be roasted or drowned in lava, or attacked from all sides by mystical rock ninjas, maybe he’d be crushed and buried! Blueblood had to stop and shake his head clear of such thoughts, cowering like a filly is not the conduct of princes! With newfound pride and purpose he raised his head and stared forward at the creepy glowing walls, daring the world to make its move.
And the world did make its move in the form of a whispered voice from right by Blueblood’s left forehoof.
“Hi there.” There was an awkward pause.
“YEEEIIIII AHHHHHH WHAAA-WHA-wha….ahem. Hello?”
“I am the universe, the universe is me....” The Universe came in the form of a floppy, little dog buried neck deep in rock, grinning happily up at the highly disconcerted prince. The dog’s head was nestled in stone as if the mountain had, for millions of years, simply grown up around him. Blueblood blinked nervously. He then blinked again, and the dog was gone. He gazed at the ground were he’d, until but a moment ago, seen a talking dog. The stone was untouched.
Blueblood glared at the ground for a second more and then jogged forward through the tunnel, whether out of fear or rationale, he was getting away from there and completing his quest as fast as ponylly possible. Find and explore a mine, they said. It would be easy, they said. But easy or not, That was his quest and that was what he intended to do.
Clearly, he reasoned, it had all been some strange hallucinatory dream. Yes that was it. This wasn't some horribly twisted enchanted mine that resurrected beings from alternate realities and then placed them within the mountain so that the gods could laugh at poor unsuspecting explorers. No, of course n-
His thoughts were interrupted by the tunnel coming to an abrupt end and a short drop.
Screaming in terror and writhing in the air as he descended the four feet from the tunnel’s mouth to the ground beyond, Blueblood could not help but wish he’d never accepted this quest to begin with. Not-so-manly tears were shed. But one does not deny one’s aunts, much less two super powered God-Princesses.
He landed with an audible “Oof!” at the edge of a large, circular cavern. The light was brightest here, and the heat slammed into him like he himself had slammed into the ground. Blueblood struggled to his feet with as much grace as he could muster, then proceeded to examine his newfound surroundings. The source of both the mysterious light and heat then revealed itself.
A huge underground pool of molten lava spread before him. Bubbles of thick orange goo boiled from the depths, and there, at the center of the flaming lake on a tiny island (though really it was nothing more than a glorified rock), lay a bucking gigantic dragon. That’s right, a dragon.
The dragon was a dark, violet purple with scales and fangs and rippling muscles. The light from the lava pool illuminated it eerily from below as it lounged about provocatively. Two green, reptilian eyes fluttered open and gazed at the Prince with a predatory expression of mild interest.
The two shared an awkward few seconds of silence. Then, licking its purple lips with a long, elegant, pink tongue, the dragon dragged itself up with a yawn and stretch, unfurled massive, spiky, purple wings and shot across the lava - straight towards Blueblood.
Lunch time.
The dragon’s powerful wings sent air shockwaving in all directions, knocking the poor prince out of his terrorized trance. Each flap sent a reverberation thudding against the rock walls of the cavern and sending waves of lava crashing against the shore. Blueblood fell over with a shriek. Dust swirled around him as he tried to regain his footing. The dragon came closer and closer every second. He leaped upward, toward the pony-sized tunnel entrance, toward life.
Alas, he did not jump quickly enough and the dragon swallowed him whole. She (the dragon was a girl) licked her lovely purple lips with a smile and then floated lazily back over the lake. She was looking forward to the next few days. Her husband the donkey would be stopping by with kids anytime. Maybe Puss or Fiona would come along for some tea and gossip.
The dragon settled back down on her rock at the center of the flaming, underground lava lake and drifted off to sleep with a contented smile. Life was good.
She lived happily ever after.
