The Luna In The Word 'Troll'
May 1, year 250 of Luna's banishment.
Luna woke up to some noise coming from outside. That's odd. She thought. There is nothing else on the moon that makes noise. So she went to investigate.
There was a weird creature that reminded her of a monkey, and a... Circle? It was coming through an orange portal and was attached to a long wire. It was yelling at the monkey, and then a claw came up and broke the wire, grabbing the monkey as the circle was sucked into space. And then the portal closed. Luna was extremely confused. The only thing she was thinking was, What just happened?
June 1, year 250 of Luna's banishment.
A month later, Luna was sitting in her moon fortress (She has a lot of free time), when there was a crashing noise outside. She remembered what happened last time she heard noise outside, so she went to take a look. There was a small crater right outside her door. She looked inside, and there she saw the circle!
"Hello magical circle! We are making you our pet, and your name will be Waffle." Luna said happily, picking up the circle.
"Hello pretty space pony- WHAT?" The circle gasped.
"*gasp* My pet circle talks? The fun has been doubled!" Luna was bursting with excitement.
"I am NOT your pet. My name is not Waffle, it's Wheatley. And what the heck are you?" Wheatley asked.
"I am Luna, princess of the night. It is a pleasure to meet you, Whistle." Luna said enthusiastically.
"It's Wheatley, not Whistle."
"That's what we said, Willy." Wheatley sighed in defeat.
"Anyways, that is who you are. Not what." He told her.
"Oh, my apologies. we are an Alicorn." Luna said.
"An Alicorn?" Didn't GLaDOS watch a TV show with Alicorns in it?
"Yup! And what are you?"
"Oh, well, uh..." "He's not just a regular moron. He's the product of the greatest minds of a generation working together with the express purpose of building the dumbest moron who ever lived."
"The engineers tried everything to make me - behave. To slow me down. Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas." "No! I'm not listening! I'm not listening!" "It was YOUR voice. " "No! No! You're LYING! You're LYING! " "Yes. You're the tumor. You're not just a regular moron. You were DESIGNED to be a moron!"
"I'm a personality core." Is all he said.
"What is a personality core?" Luna asked him.
"Uh, well... I'm a machine designed to house advanced artificial intelligence,"
"Uh huh."
"And I have the ability to express emotions,"
"Yea?"
"Yea and i'm a sphere, not a circle."
"Fascinating."
"Yup and- that was sarcasm, wasn't it?" He asked.
"Yes." Luna replied. He sighed.
"Anyways... Why are you here?" Wheatley inquired.
"Oh, we became jealous of our sister's day, and refused to lower the moon, so she banished us here." Luna told him.
"Alright, a few things. What do you mean, 'lower the moon'? Why do you keep saying we? And I am in a similar situation."
"Well we and our sister control the sun and moon, we are supposed to use the royal we, and how so?"
"The sun and moon move on their own, and I abused my power, was mean and monstrous, lost my only friend, and now i'm stuck here." Wheatley replied.
"Interesting..."
"Yea so-"
"You should stay here with me!" Luna shouted excitedly.
"Oh, well I kind of want to get back to earth so I can fix something..."
"Nonsense! You are my pet Wheat Thin and you are staying here with me!" Luna told him.
"Crud."
"Now come along Wood Pecker, we're going to play Portal 2 coop." Luna told him, bringing the core inside of her moon fortress.
"What?" Wheatley asked.
"Oh poo, we were not supposed to do that." Luna sighed.
"I don't understand."
"How do we put this gently? Your life is a video game! Quite a fun one too." Luna said, sitting down on her couch and picking up a controller.
"I'm confused."
"Of course you are. We pretended to not know what you are because if you found out that you are a fictional character from a video game, either the universe would explode, or you would be extremely confused and we do not feel like explaining it." Luna told him.
"..."
"But I have no idea why there was a monkey there. The main character is supposed to be a pony."
"It's a human, not a monkey." Wheatley corrected.
"Whatever, Wood Chip. Now are you going to play Portal with us, or not?" Luna asked.
"But how am I a made up character from a video game? I mean, if I am made up, how am I here right now?" He asked. Luna sighed.
"Perhaps you should watch us play the Portal 2 single player." Luna said.
"But-
"Just watch." And so they spent five hours playing a video game which should not even be there since they are on the moon, and Wheatley talked through the whole thing. Eventually, Luna got annoyed and put a hardhat on him.
"We're going to play a game. It's called, 'Go To The Center Of The Moon and Bring Luna Back Diamonds.'" She said, picking him up and dropping him through a hole in the floor. "Goodbye."
Author's Note
I felt like making one of those 'Luna and Wheatley' stories because I was bored. Maybe I'll write more chapters, maybe I won't.
