BH Podcasts

by Jasper77W

Rating: teen
Tags:
Length: 3865

Have fun with OCs and Characters alike that appeared in the BH series by me

The characters in the Bounty Hunters series(http://www.fimfiction.net/story/50278/bounty-hunters) fool around and do nothing in particular. Warning: Contains forth wall breakages. And may contain some objectionable language. In Equestria, that is.

Read the intro for a more detailed description and explanation!

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-03-31 23:03:46 UTC

Intro

"So, tell me about this new story?" Val said, leaning comfortably back into an armchair. The fire of a fireplace crackled lightly in the background, spitting sparks onto the hearth.

"Well. It's basically what the title says-" Rainbow said, in the other armchair. "It's generally about the Bounty Hunters storyline, and some other small stories that involve the characters but have nothing to do with the story itself."

"So, us." Val said.

"Yes, us." Rainbow nodded. "Sometimes the author himself might come over and have a little fun. But unfortunately his deviantART account is getting quite a few requests, so he'll be busy with that for now."

"So what are we doing for this episode?" Val asked, taking a mug of hot cocoa off the coffee table and taking a sip.

"Not much. Just introducing this new title. If you readers got any inquiries about the Bounty Hunters storyline, we'll try answer the questions with what we know. So comment below!" Rainbow winked, pointing down at the comment section of the web page.

"Anyway. Shall I start with some questions?" Val asked, pulling out a small list.

"Go ahead." Rainbow waved.

"K. From Anonymous- Where is Princess Celestia and Luna in the Bounty Hunters 3 storyline?" Val read aloud, raising an eyebrow.

"They'll come in later on, I think... But the reason as to why they aren't in the storyline so far is kind of because they're filming the Let's Play: Minecraft series with Cadence. So they didn't get much time in Bounty Hunters." Rainbow said.

That was accompanied by fire-crackling silence. Rainbow looked at Val questioningly.

"That's it?" she raised an eyebrow.

"That's all we got so far." Val said, taking another sip out of her mug.

"This title is quickly diminishing." Rainbow noted, tilting her head to one side. "Wait- I got one. I've got a question for you."

"Go ahead...?" Val said, certain at first but then uncertain at the end as Rainbow was relatively unpredictable.

"Why do you have all these indicator lights on your robotic half? What are they even for, exactly?"

Val just stared at the far wall behind Rainbow as she thought about it. "Well... The author kind of put these here for some sort of visual effect..."

"So they don't do anything." Rainbow said flatly.

"Essentially, yeah." Val shrugged. "But it looks cool, doesn't it?" she said as she made a few blue LEDs on her arm flash.

"It's retarded now that I know they actually are just decorations." Rainbow said.

"Don't put it THAT way." Val rolled her eyes.

"It's totally impractical. You basically glow in the dark."

"Shut up."

"You can't even be stealthy! Your new nickname is 'Lumos' by the way."

"Who needs stealth when they're invincible?" Val asked.

"Yeah, but the story will just be boring if you simply go around and just rip through everything! There's gotta be variety." Rainbow noted.

"I don't care. I look awesome and that's that." Val said, folding her arms and raising her head.

"Yeah, well; look who you're talking to." Rainbow rolled her eyes.

Val shrugged. There was a soft click as the door to the small lounge opened, and Octavia popped her head in.

"We're starting the next chapter soon. You girls get ready." she said.

"In a minute. Just let me introduce the new title to some of our readers first." Rainbow waved. "Picking up where we left off last time- and we would've finished already if somepony didn't have to randomly run out of questions." she peered at Val.

"Ugh." Val rolled her eyes and let out an annoyed sigh.

"The title, as I mentioned earlier; will include completely unrelated small stories to the BH series. For example, there's going to be a Christmas special soon. I wonder what Tavi got me, ah well. But there will be other silly stuff too, like... We reveal why Val hates milk." Rainbow said, and Val's eyes widened.

"Don't you dare-" she started.

"Don't worry." Rainbow giggled, waving a hoof. Val leant back into the chair, looking extremely uncomfortable. "And again- don't be afraid to spam the comments section! Although, based on past experiences you guys are a bunch of silent people."

"And that concludes the intro." Val said, getting out of the chair.

"No it doesn't- I'm not done yet!" Rainbow said.

"Yes. You are." Val said, switching off the camera.

A Late Season's Greetings

"Aaand... Tavi and Scratch here for a late Season's Greetings special!" Octavia said, sitting by the same old fireplace. Just this time, there was a massive Christmas tree with sparkling lights in the background.

"So, obviously our dear author slacked off a lot." Vinyl said, waving a hoof in the air and sighing. "What a late greeting, aye? But at least he made one, right?"

"Ful of tipos too, I might add. Ahem." Octavia said, faking a cough. "But I heard he was pretty busy on his DeviantArt page though. Although, he did have an extremely late request. The client seems happy though, so he's grateful."

"Really? I heard he was on vacation in New Jersey." Vinyl raised an eyebrow. "That's why he's not giving the greetings himself. He's not at the studio."

"Oh is he?" Octavia said. "Bastard leaving us with all the work..." she muttered.

"Kay Tavi. We're not being very festive here." Vinyl warned, taking a small sip from a glass of fine whiskey that decided to show up on the table next to the arm chair she was sitting in. "Obviously we've been here on Epic Wub Time before, but you know."

"So what defines 'festive'? How more jolly can we get right now? I mean, we've got the fireplace, the tree, and with the decorations and all." Octavia said.

"First off, we don't have any presents under the tree yet." Vinyl said. "Which reminds me, it would seem that Santa Colt didn't reach this part of the country this season." she frowned. "Apparently a good half of ponies didn't get their presents."

"Oh yeah, I forgot to let him out." Magnum said, striding into view.

"Magnum, we're kinda filming here." Octavia said, gesturing at the camera.

"Wait, just let me apologize." Magnum cleared her throat loudly.

"For what?" Octavia asked, just as they heard a loud groan come from the other room. The voice sounded disturbingly familiar.

Vinyl raised an eyebrow at Magnum. "Did you shoot Santa?"

"Right out of his bucking sled." Magnum nodded proudly. "He avoided me ever since twelve years ago when I pelted him with paintball pellets. Bucker didn't expect to see me here this time." she grinned.

"Oh my Celestia... Is he going to die?" Octavia gasped, quickly getting up and running into the opposing room.

"So," Magnum shrugged. "Sorry to those ponies that didn't get their presents. I'm sure Santa will run a delivery once he recovers from his shot knee." she said, striding out of view again, leaving only Vinyl in the frame.

"Well." Vinyl said, tapping the arm of the bright red armchair, looking around awkwardly. She checked the time, and sighed. "Tavi? We still have a podcast to film! Tavi..?"

"Sorry. I just had to knock Santa out because he was making an awful lot of noise. Also to make him forget about the pain later." Octavia said, walking back and taking her seat on the left.

"Great. Now he'll be back again next year as an oblivious target." Vinyl face-hoofed, sighing deeply. "Well didn't that end perfectly."

"It did!" Magnum called from somewhere off screen.

"A late Merry Christmas and Happy Hearth's warming everypony." Vinyl said, quickly running across the room and turning off the camera before Octavia could add in another word.

Reviewing 2012...

"So I finally got my own screen time." I say, sitting on the left. Still the same room with the fireplace and armchairs, with removed festivities. "So I was going to say Happy New Year, but that seems a little awkward considering we're actually almost a week into 2013 now. So what I'm going to do now, is review 2012 for me." I said.

"Which I will be making additional comments on because I haven't been involved in studio business for quite a while now." Halcyon said, sitting in the armchair to the left.

"Yes, because you're doing secret business for Spitfire setting up for the war." I explained, for the millionth time. "Let me just start off with my new school."

"And how you didn't have any friends for literally the first two terms." Halcyon said, and I ignored her.

"I suppose I did have some... Acquaintances..." I say, thinking back. "Alright. There was Daniel. The guy annoys the heck out of me- like, he would mock me for almost everything he could mock me for. I didn't consider it bullying though, since he was a full head shorter than me." I sighed. "I do mock him back though, so that makes up for that. And then there's Sahaj, who... I don't even know."

"Sounds like an excellent start to your new school." Halcyon said.

"Why the hell do you have a British accent all of a sudden?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.

"Because you always imagine me with a British accent for NO BUCKING REASON!"

"I didn't even realize that until now..." I sighed. "But moving on to term three, where most of the friendship part started."

"You must make friends pretty fast." Halcyon remarked, and as usual I tried to ignore her. But I couldn't help but snicker at her new accent.

"So I was sitting in a corner and mining my own business, when mister Bboxer98, or 'DJ Nunes' as referred to in my stories; decided to come up to me and tell me: 'Draw me a pony'. Now, at the time; I didn't even know about MLP yet- so all I saw was a few pics on the Internet. I never really delved into that because of its general nature." I said, and Halcyon held up a hoof.

"Let me interrupt here-" she said, and I made an uncomfortable face. "But by general nature, you mean 'girly' and... Well, 'friendshipy'?"

I nod.

"Yeah, I find it remarkable how you managed to turn all that into something completely dark and brutal with your fics." she said.

"I'm not the only one, nor the best. Have you ever read 'Cupcakes'?" I asked.

"And did you know that the body is made up mostly of water?" Halcyon asked menacingly, cracking her hooves loudly; a dim blue aura shrouding her horn.

"Okay..." I say, quickly diverting the topic elsewhere. "So after Bboxer98 told me to draw him a pony, I decided to do some research on the thing before starting. And by that I mean watching the first episode."

"My little pony, my little pony..." Halcyon started humming.

"Alright. So at that point I was going to turn the screen off, but I didn't. And, ah... Here I am now, so." I say with a shrug.

"You mean obsessed." Halcyon noted.

"I was trying to avoid saying that." I frowned. "But yeah. So there goes my first MLP pic- 'MLP Wild West', you guys can see it on my dA page. And then followed by a string of others, like 'Fluttershy' and 'Cloudsdale'. Eventually it got up to my friend's birthday, so I decided to make him an OC. At the time I was still new to the whole brony community, and I didn't know there was an OC creator on dA. So I was sketching him an OC like a dumbass the old way. But come on, the OC creator... Can look quite obvious. But I do admit, they did an incredible job with the selections on that thing."

"Now that I come to think about it, it seems you never used the creator before?" Halcyon asked.

"And that's exactly why you guys all suffer from a severe case of 'same mane'. I try to come up with new ideas for your mane styles, but..." I sigh. "Doesn't always end well."

"I know that all too well." Halcyon muttered.

"But anyways. My friend was happy with the result. And now that I come to think about it, those were actually my first requests- not the more recent ones. Being new, I pretty much didn't know anything about the community. So you can imagine my reaction when he introduced me to FiMFiction and Equestria Daily. On EqD, some of the drawfriends just left me speechless. I made it a few times myself, but barely. And the music that comes out of some of the musicians are just absolutely stunning- we'll probably go into more detail about that in a future episode. And last but not least FiMFiction, where all this started." I gestured around me.

"Including my existence." Halcyon said cheerfully. "And we can agree that is a good thing. No exceptions."

"You... Actually started off as a very minor character." I said, ignoring the annoyed frown she cast my way. "At first I just needed a mare soldier in the 'Escort the Princesses' scene in BH1, but then I realized your character probably had way more potential than to be killed off straight away."

"Wait- I was supposed to die in the very same chapter?" Halcyon raised an eyebrow.

"But then I threw Blaze into the mix, and since you were originally designed as a blue colored pony- I thought, well- roses are red, violets are blue right? So that's how I threw you two together again. And from nowhere the 'Wardens' idea popped into my head and now you two have your own fic." I paused as she reviewed the information.

"I was supposed to be the try-hard all-serious soldier mare, right? And Blaze the tag-along that's-what-she-said-joke guy?"

"Just about right." I said, after a short pause.

"Then how the hell do those two mix? What were you thinking when you came up with the 'Blaze and Halcyon should be together' part?"

"My mind is bucked up, but that's a different story." I cleared my throat. "The series was doing relatively well, quite poorly considering the amount of views it was getting, and I had a comment on my page saying just that- almost 2k words now and a relatively poor amount of views. But that's not much of the point- I love writing, I love drawing- and the BH series has been one of the most fun series' I have ever written. Of course, seeing the views peak with each new chapter release is quite encouraging, so much love to you all- but I mainly write because it's fun to do so, and I'm certain I'm not the only one."

"...good job with the heartfelt speech there." Haclyon said.

"I know." I said sheepishly. "But 2012 has got to be one of the greatest years I ever had, ever."

"Ponies, that's why." Halcyon said proudly. "Which reminds me- who are you talking as right now?"

"My OC...?" my voice kind of trailed off at the end.

"But you don't have one." Halcyon said flatly.

"I know. Mr. Bboxer had been bugging me about that. The truth as to why I don't have an OC? I'm too darn lazy to make one." I said.

"And yet you spend twelve hours a day writing 2k of words, and drawing other ponies and taking requests on deviantART." Halcyon folded her arms.

"I just don't see drawing myself as a fun thing to do." I say.

"I like your philosophy."

"Thank you." I cleared my throat. "Moving on. At the end of the year I got to go to America, which was quite a fun trip. Got a new pegasister to join us, so not fruitless at all. Got some stuff I will never even hope to find in New Zealand, visited some places- and that was pretty much it. Ended with watching the ball drop in Times Square, and that's my 2012. Best year so far."

"Yeah, key words- for you. Let's see what happened to me this year-" Halcyon said, tapping her hoof on the armchair's arm. "I got a few promotions, so that's good. I broke my arm in a freak train hijack. Got it completely ripped away afterwards. Got tortured by some mercenary diamond dogs, almost died, and had to stay in hospital for several months." she counted, casting me an evil gaze. "-And who's fault is that?"

"Er... Chocolate milk...?" I said, thinking of AJ as an example for lying. Not the smartest idea.

"Oh yeah. I also have an idiot boyfriend that I can't bring myself to push away." she sighed, slumping into the armchair.

"Idiot? I know that's not me, so are you having an affair with somepony else?" Blaze yelled from off screen, and Halcyon ignored him.

"So yeah. 2012. Awesome year. Sadly over. And so is this episode. Bye!"

Nightshade! And... Stuff

Nightshade! And... Stuff....

"So you, are dead." I said, gesturing at the bat pony sitting on the sofa next to me.

"Uh-huh." Nightshade said glumly, her head resting on a hoof which was rested on the sofa arm.

"And the reason for that, is because I have too many characters to keep track of. And you're of the least importance. So you are dead." I said matter-of-factly.

"Yeah, well no crap- I had a metal pole stuck THROUGH my chest. Very bucking dignified." Nightshade complained, waving her front hooves wildly in the air. "I was like a bucking mannequin, showing off my shiny bucking armor. Especially love the fact that you made me die in a STANDING position. It's bucking great. Just keep writing that story without me."

"Seriously? Still upset over that?" I raised an eyebrow at her. "I guess it would be a bad time to tell you about a conversation I had with Bboxer?"

"Oh really. What could possibly be worse than me dying." Nightshade went back to leaning on the sofa arm and sulking in boredom.

"Well, speaking of dignity...." I sighed. This is gonna turn very awkward very soon. "I was talking to him about you, and one thing led to another..."

"And..." Nightshade raised an eyebrow.

"Uh..." It seemed like such a good idea to tell her and see her reaction ten minutes ago- but this room was quickly becoming scary. "Well, eventually, and some how, he came up with the idea of you having... Er..."

"What. Is. It." Nightshade growled through gritted teeth, peering through half closed eyes with suspicion.

"Apparently, according to him! Not me!" I said quickly. "You, have... A penis."

It took a while for the words to sink in, but when they did.... There was a blur as Nightshade whipped out a throwing knife from her belt, and threw it across at me without the rest of her body even moving. It flew across, the blade drawing blood from the bridge of my nose; although didn't cut deep enough to cause actual damage. Although I did flinch and almost fall out of the sofa.

The knife hit the wall on the other side, bounced off and into an angled door, ricocheted into a metal vase on a table in the other room, bounced into another door and into Bboxer's office.

"AAAAAH! MY LEG!!" the scream was heard a split second later.

"Well." I said warily, wiping the blood off my nose. "That's tha-"

Then there was a loud boom and fizz- looks like the knife was one of the EMP models. Even though it wouldn't kill him, a mini electric explosion of such would still hurt.

"AAAAAAAAaaaaaaawww, my iPod's broken."

I shook my head, and the room plunged into awkward silence.

"There's that." I muttered.

"This. Has got to be. The most IMMATURE thing, this series has ever experienced. Seriously-" Nightshade muttered, "What could POSSIBLY make this series more IMMATURE than it is already!??"

Then a teletubby walked into the room.

"no! NO! GET OUT!! GET IT OUT OF HERE!!" Nightshade screamed, leaping up and drawing out throwing knives and throwing them after the odd character.

I just sat there while I listened to Nightshade's hollering and the explosions, slowly growing more distant as she chased the teletubby through the studio.

"I don't think that counts as 'immature', but... I'll just... Turn this camera off."

Happy Easter!

"Well then. It's Easter." I sighed. "And apparently someone found a shrink ray and gave it to Val. Oh well... Here's a message from her and Eclispe...."

"Happy Easter guys! And love you all."

The Dick Rifle

"So... Our Author told me about one of his conversations with Bboxer once." Halcyon said. "And ah... They were talking about new sci-fi weapons ideas for their fics, when eventually something called the disintegration rifle popped up. Now, the word 'disintegration' is pretty long, so they tried to simplify it."

"I can see why." Blaze nodded. "It's pretty hard to type too."

"Anyway. So eventually..." Halcyon started chuckling. "Our author came up with 'D rifle', and in which case Bboxer decided to convert it to 'Dick Rifle'."

It took a short half second for the words to sink into Blaze, but the moment they did...

"Medic! I think he's dying." Halcyon couldn't help but laugh herself as well, but was nowhere near as loud as Blaze as he was rolling around on the ground and clutching his stomach, his face locked in a mixed expression of pain and extreme laughter.

"What the hay does a Dick Rifle even do?" Blaze asked some what rhetorically, laughing his head off. And that could even be taken literally. "Oh god, the mental images."

"I mean, Seriously- what the heck!?" Halcyon chuckled. "Dick Rifle- what the buck does it shoot, you know?"

"No idea, but you've been on the receiving end of my 'D rifle' before I can tell ya that." Blaze's laughter somehow grew louder.

Halcyon's grin instantly evaporated into an angry frown, veins popping up on the side of her head. Her hoof twitched, her horn letting out a small array of sparks.

"Which reminds me- Hal here has a few in stock in her cupboard too." Blaze laughed even harder. "Nah, I'm just joking." he quickly added when he caught the murderous glint in Hal's eyes.

Hal somehow suppressed her anger, and managed a smile. "You know, yours might just about qualify for a pistol." she said with a slight cough, patting Blaze on the back, who was suddenly the one with a fully bright red face.

"I can guarantee you I got a bigger gun than all the other guys you dated." Blaze said.

"I'm the only one who knows." Halcyon shrugged with a smile. "And I'm saying no."

"I highly doubt you would remember. I bet you were drunk every single time." Blaze said, thinking back to the time Halcyon had just recovered her arm and they went shopping, which somehow led them into a bar. And he had to clean up the vomit she left in the bathroom, and then comfort her random mental breakdown. (Refer to Royal Bodyguards: Chapter 5)

"Do shut up." Halcyon muttered, spitting her tongue out. Blaze shrugged and rolled his eyes.