Twilight Sparkle stared at the large letters on the scroll in front of her.

LICK ME

Earlier that day, Twilight had discovered a small attic hidden in one of the branches of her library. She was overjoyed when she found that it still had many boxes left over from the previous tenants. Twilight had been giddy with excitement as she dragged out the first box. What historical tidbits lay in wait for her? What exciting glimpses into the past might she be provided by this alcove of knowledge?

Not many, as it turned out. Apparently, the previous owners of the tree had been wrapped up fairly deeply in 70's culture, and had had precious little time for reading, learning, or any other real academic endeavor. Twilight had felt somewhat dejected as she pulled the last of ten boxes out, only to find it to be filled with more of the same detritus: Bedazzled saddles, Gellee horseshoes, and a strange yet familiar lamp. Perhaps she had seen one at Derpy's house? There were a few photos, but these were mostly candid snapshots of ponies Twilight had never met, places she'd never been. nothing of real consequence, although Twilight found it entertaining to make up stories about these ponies and who they might have been.

But what was this?! a scroll! Twilight had been relieved to find that these ponies had at least one piece of literature tucked away in their recesses. This doubled her dismay and confusion when she unrolled the paper, only to find the two rather lewd words. What would ponies be doing licking scrolls anyway?

And that's when it dawned on her. She had read about this kind of magic in books about that era. Ponies used them to trip, or expand their minds. They were considered illicit, and banned by the government. Twilight had never really understood why, seeing as her goal in life was to expand her knowledge, and could that really be so different than expanding one's mind? Still, it was an illegal artifact, and most of them had been destroyed by this time. Twilight looked at the scroll. It seemed harmless enough. the letters were big and friendly, and she had never heard of anything really terrible coming from this particular magic. She had even read that this magic was a large part of one of the largest musical renaissances in equestrian history.

She also knew that this was probably the last of it's kind in Ponyville, and certainly the last she'd ever see. she wondered what her friends would do. Applejack was never much for recreation, although she did smoke hay to ease the muscle cramps of a hard day's work. Rarity had had her fun in college, Twilight suspected, and probably would be interested in the creative aspect that this magic was rumored to cause. Rainbow Dash would probably do it just for the hay of it, not really having a sense of responsibility. And Pinkie. Well, Pinkie was liable to lick pieces of paper regardless of if they held any effects therein.

Twilight thought about all these factors, as well as how the princess might feel about her engaging in illicit magic. Yes, the princess could potentially be very angry with her for this, but Twilight simply couldn't pass up an opportunity for empirical study. Twilight knew that the princess had forgiven her for several spells she later found out were illegal in Equestria, such as the Want It Need It spell, which was illegal for it's potential for product placement, and the Get Up and Go Spell, made illegal after the Olympics scandals. Twilight decided that this spell couldn't be half as bad as either of those. after all. no one could get hurt, and there was no lying or manipulation built around it.

Twilight had thought long enough. The time for action was upon her. Twilight had made up her mind. She steeled her self, and pressed her tongue to the scroll.

~

Twilight had expected there to be some sort of flavor on the scroll, perhaps something chemical. What she experienced instead was a sensation, a sort of prickling on her tongue as if it had been struck with a weak static charge. This sensation spread down her spine, and out into each of her legs, straight to her hooves. an interesting experience already, for sure. Twilight was reluctant to open her eyes, fearing that the world around her would be vastly different. The one negative effect of these scrolls that she had heard of was the infamous "bad trip", in which ponies saw or experienced disturbing things, a few of whom had trouble ever coping again in every day life. Twilight was terrified by this idea. She wanted to experience what ponies of the past had, but certainly not THOSE ponies. When she did open her eyes, the world remained much the same as it had been. Soft sunlight filtered through the small window, eddies of dust in the air ebbing and flowing like lazy ocean tides, clothes, boxes, and musty stacks of old photographs lay in disarray in the attic. Twilight was disappointed. No, she was more than disappointed. She was dismayed. This had been an all day endeavor, and she had gotten nothing out of it. Twilight stormed out of the attic and out of her house, not looking back to say goodbye to Spike, who merely shrugged at the pony's strange behavior.

Twilight had barely taken three steps out of the house when she was assaulted by a racing pink blur. Pinkie tackled Twilight to the ground in one of her "constrictorific boa hugs". As they got up, Pinkie's broad smile drooped into a frown as she noticed her friend's surly expression.

"Hey Twilight...you don't seem happy to be surprise squeezed! Usually you at least seem surprised. What's wrong?"

Twilight considered lying, but realized that if anypony was going to understand what she had done without judgement, it would be Pinkie Pie.

Pinkie sat with uncharacteristic patience as Twilight told her about the attic, the annoying boxes full of silly outdated clothing, and lastly, the scroll. When she was done, Pinkie smiled a sage smile at Twilight.

"Don't worry silly billy. You didn't get a dud scroll."

"But it didn't do anything. I don't feel any different," lamented Twilight.

"Well, DUUUH," the blush pony opined, "it hasn't hit your bloodstream yet. Expansion scrolls are a very delicate blend of chemistry and magic. That's why only REALLY smart ponies like Albert Hoofman figured out how to create them in the late 40's."

Twilight marvelled at the random spout of knowledge from Pinkie, and rejoiced that the scroll had not simply malfunctioned.

"So...when am I going to start feeling the effects then?"

"Well, let's see. If you licked it about 20 minutes ago, then it should be hitting you in half an hour or so. You should probably go tell the other girls. Yanno, just in case you go kinda WOOOoOoOo." Pinkie made a circle next to her temple with her hoof to make the point more clear.

Twilight realized that her friend might be right.

"Do you think you could help me with that, Pinkie? I don't think I can get to everypony in a half hour."

Pinkie nodded emphatically. "Sure, Twilight! you take Flutters and Dashie, I'll take Rare and AJ! We'll meet back here in 30. BREAK!" With that, she sped off to carry out her half of the mission. Twilight watched as she galloped off, smirking at her silly antics. She then turned and began walking to Fluttershy's house.

Author's Note

Buck me. I spent nearly 3 hours writing this at 5 am and somehow I hit the wrong button and the tab closed. This second draft won't be half as good as the first, but I still am engaged in the plot. So here we go.