The Fantastical Adventures of Spike's Penis

by Captain_Cannon

Rating: mature
Tags: Sex, Random, Crossover, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy, Other, Romance, Adventure
Length: 1679

Me + Facebook Friend + Idea = weird shit

I got the idea one night to write a story one line at a time with a friend. It got bizarre really fast.

Contains, clop, anthro, and Slaanesh.

Credit to Lucas "Straight-Busta" for weird shit.

Published 2013-01-06 02:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-03-06 06:19:06 UTC

SNK Neo-Geo Pocket Color

Twilight walked into her study just as Spike had finished placing new books onto the shelves.
"Hiya Twilight! I just finished shelving the anthropology volumes you ordered." Though he'd been working since sunrise, he showed little sign of fatigue, and was practically beaming.
"Whats got you so excited there, Spike?" Twilight walked over to him. Spike placed his claws on his hips, and gazed out the window.
"Oh, it's nothing too important. I'm just thinking about what Nurse Redheart said at my check-up yesterday." Twilight smirked, already knowing THIS was going to be good.
"Well what'd she say, Spike?"
"She called me the most masculine male specimen she'd ever seen!" Spike puffed out his chest with pride, clearly not comprehending what Redheart had meant.
"Oh, uh... that's good..." Twilight's brow furrowed, wondering what Nurse Redheart had said that for. Spike and Twilight stood in silence for a few awkward moments before Spike's bravado deflated.
"I just wish I knew what she was talking about..."
"Well what was the test about? What did she look at?"
"She spent a lot of time staring at this." With that, Spike reached under his body, pulling out his twelve-meter cock; unfortunately, he had shelved it along with the books, and all of the books tumbled onto the ground as his monumental meat mace formed a coiled pile as Spike continued to pull. Twilight blushed at the sight of Spikes enormous member. Upon sight of it Twilights pussy began dripping with excitement.
"O-Oh my, Spike...." Twilight became lost in the sight of his huge cock. Spike's ears caught the sound of fluid hitting the ground, and he peered behind Twilight in order to find the source.
"Are you okay, Twi? Where's that coming from?" Twilight squeezed her legs together, letting her juices flow down her legs
"Oh, it was nothing Spike, probably just a leaky faucet..." Twilight blushed an even deeper red once realized she had just became horny over the sight of Spike.
"Huh. I'll be right back, lemme go check." Spike hurried off to the bathroom with his sexual sledgehammer dragging behind him, leaving a preposterous trail of fragrant precum behind.
"Oh, alright." Twilight frantically tried to wipe the juices off of her, but as soon as she rubbed her hoof on her meat curtains, she became much too aroused and began to rub off. The head of Spike's penis lay sluggishly halfway from where Spike had departed, and as he inspected the sink, the tip of his penis began to speak.
"GREETINGS, TWILIGHT SPARKLE." Twilight yelped in surprise, instantly taking her hand back, letting her stretched meat hole hang like a man in a noose.
"Wh-What- Oh uh... hello?"
"DO NOT HIDE YOUR AROUSAL FROM ME, DELICATE ANTHROPOMORPHIC CREATURE, FOR I AM THE DAEMON ENVOY OF SLAANESH, THE PRINCE OF PLEASURE." Twilight instantly recognized this from her book "Sentient Phallus's: The Meaties".
"Oh, I've read all about you!"
"AND I NOW BESTOW UPON YOU A BLESSING: UNTIL YOU GIVE IN TO YOUR DESIRES, MY CHAOTIC POWERS SHALL MAKE OBNOXIOUS ELEVATOR MUSIC FLOW FROM YOUR SHITBOX."
"NO, NOT MY FECES EXTRUDING ORIFICE! ...Fine, I'll do what you ask." Twilight reached behind her and began playing with her cunt flaps, flipping them like pancakes, and rolling them like a Cuban rolls cigars. The penis fell silent, but at that moment Spike emerged from the bathroom and was quickly overcome with lust. Twilight looks Spike in the eyes, knowing what she must do
"SPIKE. MAKE SWEET SWEET LOVE TO ME. SHOVE YOUR JOYSTICK INTO MY LEATHER BAG OF HONEY." In the majestic fashion with which a pigeon swoops upon a socialist economy, Spike uttered a wookie howl from deep within his diaphragm and began to stuff his nipples into Twilight's nose. Twilight began to suck his nipples through her nose, grabbing his flaccid ram rod like a Jew grabs a quarter.
"I need your majestic bratwurst in my taco salad." Spike had lost his mind to his carnal instincts, only able to communicate by farting out his belly button in Native American morse code.
"I'M SPARTACUS!" Spike shouted, before full prehensile member then wrapped around Twilight's midsection and went in her mouth, only to emerge from her symphonic sphincter and penetrate her sperm sleuce. Twilight moaned from her ears, the ear wax simply dripping out like grease from a burger, her ass cheeks clenhing down on Spikes enormous giggle stick, he pussy flaps pushing open like a pair of saloon doors.
"OH YES, SPIKE, SHOVE YOURSELF INTO MY ORIFICES DEEPER. I NEED TO FEEL YOUR BABY SEED IN MY ESOPHAGUS." Spike's feisty fucktacular fighting phallus continued to pump, and having demolished Twilight's cervix like an Iraqi air force base, Spike bellowed to his gods and lifted his party pole with Twilight still embedded. Twilight moaned and groaned as Spikes 12 meter long king kong dong dove deeply into her leathery folds, letting him use her like Jerry Sandusky in a football locker room, her cunt curtains tightened and pulsated like a worm about to die as she came, spewing her juices as if she were a fire hose. With Spike's penis being fully independent, he eventually became bored and began to play on the SNK Neo-Geo Pocket Color which he kept in his rectum at all times. Twilight loved SNK, so as she enjoyed Spikes beef whistle violating her many orifices, she watched over his shoulder for a bit before pulling out her own and a connector cable for two player on Fatal Fury. Unfortunately, Spike only had Sonic Pocket Adventure, as his copy of Fatal Fury had been eaten by Nicholas Cage. Twilight remembered this encounter, as they had gone to see National Treasure and Nicolas Cage used Spikes Fatal Fury cartridge as an anal plug, but Twilight forgot about that as her belly button prolapsed and started cumming buckets of chocolate! Pinky Pie....
...was cheating on Gummy with Rodan, but that's neither here nor there. What's important is that in order to defeat Dai-Shocker, Twilight Sparkle would need to gather THE VOLTRON FORCE!
"READY TO FORM VOLTRON. ACTIVATE INTERLOCK, DYNATHERMS CONNECTED, INFACELL UP, MEGA THRUSTERS ARE GO. GO VOLTRON FORCE!" Suddenly, epic music began playing! The background ponies came together to form the mighty gestalt as Trixie commanded Photo Finish and Derpy to "Form Feet and Legs!" while Braeburn and Daring Do proceeded to "Form Arms and Body!" But just when Trixie was about to form the head...
…Celestia came from above, spitting wads of slime from an African toads back, screaming the war cry of an archaic neanderthal having sex with a hole in a rock.
"I SHAN'T ALLOW THOU TO TRANSFORM!"

TO BE CUNTINUED

You're Such a Fucktart, Lucas

The gestalt warrior and the slimy pony princess stood in utter, rigid silence when both began to burp. Their gastrointestinal releases were shaking the house to bits, the windows cracking, the glasses shattering, the testicles wobbling. Those very testicles began to hum their quantum dirge, summoning all of time to coalesce into Spike's tinkle slot. But within Spike’s piss gulch, the Lord of Time lived, and he wouldn't put up with all this nonsensical quantum testicle humming. In an act of utter butthurt, the Lord of Time starting shitting until yesterday. And from yesterday until the day after yesterday (kids call it "today") the Time Lord would release his vile, septic, noxious, toxic ass blasted shit missiles out of Spikes penis. Thus did the legend of the Ford Model-A begin, with a fecal firing ferrous phallus, because just at that moment, Henry Ford seeped out of Spike’s cock like semen from a homeless guy’s asshole.
"Greetings, pastel ponies! I have come from the Great Orifice to bring to you the assembly line and the six-inch sub!" Celestia and Voltron-pony stopped releasing their burps and stared at Mr.Ford. Having failed in her goal to stop the combination of Voltron-pony, Celestia twisted her crotch nipples and lactated her way back to Hoboken. Voltron-Pony clenched its fist in victory, watching Celestia run like the bitch she is before turning to Mr.Ford. However, Voltron-Pony was far too eighties to communicate with Ford, and promptly turned into a glue factory. Celestia reached Hoboken, stopping to say hi to Ryu and Ken, who were practicing Hadouken and Shoryuken. Then, having spent more than a minute and a half in New Jersey, they died from smog inhalation.

The End

Er,
The End?
Nope, because we haven’t gotten to the part where Corpsegrinder demolishes the glue factory in the name of liberty.
Oh.
Why don't you implement the beginning of that part?
You’re such a fucktart, Lucas.

Voltron-Pony's remains had plagued Ponyvile preposterously preceding prior post-penile permeation prompting more alliteration, and then Cannibal Corpse just was there and shit. Corpsegrinder decided to see how much of Voltron-Pony’s glue he could eat in a single sitting, so he raided the factory using a spork as a weapon. It was so metal, that I brought Slaanesh back into the story and Corpsegrinder had to fuck the factory. After eating multiple pounds of glue, Corpsegrinder’s jaw was glued shut, causing his rage to overflow and summon Slaanesh to the factory. He/she/it/whatever made everything a sexy party with balloons and paper hats. Corpsegrinder strapped on his paper hat but was still quite angry so he used glue as a lubricant to fuck the glue factory as a whole. Yes, he fucked the entire factory.
By the way, my girlfriend just sent me this: http://i.imgur.com/h7yKWW0.jpg
Lol’d
The factory bucked its processing plant against Corpsegrinder's wookie cock, and its smokestacks radiated polluting ecstacy. But Corpsegrinder was too hardcore for the feeble glue factory as his willingly wiggly wanking wanker began to ooze out slick slimy salivating semen. Having transcended the need for commas, all of the baby cream erupted and solidified, leaving a copper statue where the glue factory once stood. Corpsegrinder was also solidified in the mass of copper; he had given his life to save Equestria from the evil glue factory.

AND THEN KE$HA

TO BE CUNTINUED