By One's Own Merit

Chapters

Chapter 1: Present
Chapter 2: Past (flashbacks)
Chapter 3: Present
Chapter 4: Past (Story)

Chapter 1: Present

Dear Princess Celestia,

Due to the recent introduction of oversight powers, I am now the chair of the Parliamentary Oversight Committee. I know that these recent constraints on your royal powers may seem like something designed to impede you, but rest assured I will do my upmost to ensure that I will exercise my obligations without unduly impeding on your royal prerogative.

There is one issue that comes to our attention: the unusually large amount of funds that have been sent to Ponyville. I have visited the sleepy hamlet and have found it to be a charming place in spite of its proximity to the Everfree Forest. I understand the need to ensure that our frontier towns are well supplied, especially one that is so disaster prone, but the amount of money being given so freely suggest something unsavory. I will need clarification of the purpose of these aid packages pursuant EC.1003.22.14.03.a.15-25.

Signed,
Baroness Morning Star, M.P., Chairpony of the Parliamentary Oversight Committee

:0.0:

Those two stupid little yellow pills.

Rainbow Dash used to take them every morning. It never felt right, but she didn't know why it never felt right. So she took her pills.

She slept a lot. Her head felt like it was full of cotton all the time. She never felt like herself. But it always been that way, hadn't it? She had achieved her dream of performing another Sonic Rainboom. Then she wanted to become a Wonderbolt, like she always had even though she hadn't. It was weird and unnatural, but Rainbow Dash accepted the fact that she was kind of dumb. She would always be the brawn of the situation.

Then Rainbow Dash hurt her wing, and Twilight introduced her to the world of Daring Doo. It was fun, in that dumb pulp adventure kind of way. But she couldn't read well, which wasn't right. Rainbow Dash could remember being able to read a whole book in less than a day, and not having to do it out loud either.

After she was out of the hospital she got a new prescription. She didn't understand what those drugs did other than help with healing, but she couldn't take those stupid little yellow pills. Then she began to feel better. She could stay awake during most of the day now, and her head wasn't filled as much with cotton. But best of all, she got better at reading! She was becoming an egghead again!

Then she got those pills again. Those two stupid little yellow pills. Like the dumb mare she thought herself to be, she began taking them again.

That's when she realized that the pills were responsible for the cotton in her head. Her newfound reading abilities went down the drain, and she began to feel oh so comfortably lethargic. But she kept on working despite it, hurting herself when she fell into a fit of narcolepsy while flying low to the ground. Her saving grace was that ponies were hardy regardless of subspecies.

The fact that she remembered what a species was for the first time lead Rainbow Dash to the conclusion that the pills were doing more harm then good.

Those two stupid little yellow pills.

She had bottles of them now in her medicine cabinet. Those disgusting yellow pills. She hated them. They were stupid and dumb and they made her stupid, dumb and lazy. Worst of all, the Mayor was pestering her if she was still taking them, and... well, she was the Element of Loyalty, not Honesty, and saying "yes" to her question became easier with each passing day.

Those three stupid little yellow pills.

Recently they had modified the prescription. Something about not being effective. Then Rainbow Dash knew... it was to keep her from being lucid. These were lemons, and Rainbow Dash was sick was making lemonade. SHE DIDN'T NEED THESE DAMN LEMONS! WHAT THE HELL WAS SHE SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THESE?!

Rainbow Dash began to trash the medicine cabinet out of frustration. She didn't need these pills! She didn't need this! She didn't need this conspiracy to keep her dumb and sleepy for the rest of her life! What Rainbow Dash wanted was to GET MAD! She wanted to find whoever was doing this to her and talk to their manager. Then she was going to invent some sort of flaming lemon like in the novels and use it to burn that pony's house down. With the lemons.

When she was done with her tantrum, Rainbow Dash noticed that her medicine cabinet had been reduced down to broken glass, twisted plastic and bent metal. Her pills and medical supplies had fallen through the floor, likely raining down on some poor hapless pony. She winced cuts, but thankfully she hadn't nicked an artery.

Strange. She didn't know that she knew the word artery, much less what it meant.

Rainbow Dash sighed and went into her kitchen to find a first aid kit. At the very least that was one reason to be thankful for unicorns. Without their enchantments on normal objects, living in the clouds would be even more of a royal pain in the flank.

"Hi Rainbow Dash. I... what happened to your legs?" Twilight asked, looking at the bandaged forelimbs with concern.

"I fell asleep while flying again. And I got lucky... again," Rainbow Dash said. It was amazing how lying was starting to come so easily to her.

"Well, I don't know what to say," Twilight replied. "What do you need that'll help you with that?"

"Books," Rainbow Dash said.

"Books," Twilight Sparkle replied. "Right. I'm afraid you've just about read through both the young adult and speculative fiction sections. There's the romance section..."

"Yick," Rainbow Dash replied. "I think I'll pass."

"Well, I'm not sure what I can get for you then," Twilight said.

"It's fine. I'm looking for something different anyway," Rainbow Dash replied, walking herself into the familiar library. "Let's see... science..."

"Science?" Twilight asked, excited and a little confused by her friend's behavior.

"Science!" Rainbow Dash said with glee, before running over to a very specific part of the library. Her face then went from a smile of joy to a scowl of disappointment. "Wait a minute. This is all foal stuff. 'The Colt's Guide to Nature.' 'Basic Geometry.' 'The Stars: An Illustrated Introduction to Amateur Astronomy.'"

"How did that one slip in?" Twilight asked, pulling it off the shelf with her magic. She then looked sheepishly at Rainbow Dash. "Sorry, it's from my personal collection."

Rainbow Dash went back searching through the books. "Well, do you have anything here that isn't written for a... aha! 'Quantum Mechanics' by Gryphon. That should good for some light hobby reading."

"Hobby reading?" Twilight asked, "RD, that's pretty heavy stuff. Are you sure that you..."

"... and a knowledge of all languages from Common to Arabian, I am the very model of the Scientist Equestrian..." Rainbow Dash sang to herself, oblivious to her friend's concern. She found herself a comfortable chair and began to read, gleefully losing herself in the pages of the book.

Twilight Sparkle was shocked by her friend's unusual behavior. What shocked her even more was the fact that Rainbow Dash seemed to actually comprehend the material rather than just scanning the words and equations on the page. Twilight had trouble even beginning to understand that book. For Rainbow Dash to declare it 'light hobby reading'...

"Umm... Rainbow Dash..." Twilight swallowed nervously. "I don't mean to sound rude or anything, but are you really a changeling who has kidnapped my friend and didn't quite get all of her mannerisms down?"

"I hope not," Rainbow Dash replied. "This is the best I've felt in years. Almost all of the cotton's gone from my head."

"I... see..." Twilight said, making a quiet mental note of that comment. "Rainbow Dash..." she continued, "I think I might be able to help you find the sort of books you're looking for. But I'll need to ask you a few questions."

"Sure thing, Twilight," Rainbow Dash mumbled, still lost in the text.

"Why is the sky blue?" Twilight asked.

"Because of the way that the nitrogen and oxygen content of the air diffracts the rays of the sun." Rainbow Dash said absently.

"Why do stars shine?" Twilight asked.

"It's theorized that they're superheavy balls of gas with some sort of nuclear fission going on in their cores. Of course, I'm putting my money on it really being fusion with the spectrographs showing mostly hydrogen and modern universities really being guild-like institutions that promote mediocrity and ensure that only the upper classes are able to participate in discourse about natural philosophy and stuff. How Princess Luna is able to move them around so easily, nopony knows," Rainbow Dash replied. "Come on, throw me a hard one."

"What color is the sun?" Twilight

"It appears yellow-ish white because our eyes are optimized to its specific wavelength of light. It's really sort of a greenish color if we take into account the whole black body radiation thing."

"... really?" Twilight asked.

"Yeah," Rainbow Dash said, a little confused. "I thought astronomy was your thing."

"It's my hobby. My special talent's magic," Twilight said.

"But aren't you like a walking encyclopedia of useless facts?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"They're not useless!" Twilight said defensively. "And only about the magical sciences. Not about that weird quantum theory thing. How do you know all that?"

"I..." Rainbow Dash looked back down to the book between her hooves. "I... don't remember."

"Well... most of my books are on magical theory, but both subjects require higher level math. Then there's the Derpy section..."

"The Derpy section? Derpy can read this stuff?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"Derpy can teach this stuff," Twilight replied. "After the first order came in we ended up talking her entire mail route about modern physics, theories of optics, and how they apply to modern telescope making."

"Then why is she so... Derpy?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"Because she has mild brain damage from a carriage accident when she was a foal," Twilight replied.

"Oh. That... actually explains everything," Rainbow Dash said

"That was my first reaction too. Is speech a part of motor functions?" Twilight asked.

"Beats me," Rainbow Dash said with a shrug. "So... books?"

"Books. They're in the back. I'll go get a selection," Twilight said. She trotted upstairs, noticing Spike sleeping in the corner.

"Spike, wake up," Twilight said in a matter of fact voice. "I need to write a letter."

"Ugh, can't it wait till later?" Spike asked, turning over in his own bed. "We've worked for four days, and I stayed up longer than you cleaning all that paper you scribbled on and stuff. And reorganizing the books. You got your sleep, now I get mine."

"Spike, I need you to write a letter and I need you to deliver it in person to Rarity," Twilight added, noting with satisfaction how quickly the dragon got up. She summoned up a scroll, an ink well and a quill. "Take a letter, Spike. To Rarity."

"Rarity, oh thank Celestia you're here," Twilight said.

"It's no problem at all. We are all friends, are we not?" Rarity asked, before looking down at her hoof and the baby dragon clinging to it. "Although Spikey-Wikey has been a little more affectionate then I can handle."

"Spike, there's doughnuts in kitchen," Twilight said.

"Oh boy! Doughnuts!" Spike replied, before letting go and running off to get some of the delectable, sugar filled treats.

"Sorry about that. The past four days have been very busy, and he hasn't gotten all the sleep he needs," Twilight said.

"I understand darling," Rarity replied, following Twilight. When the unicorns reached Rainbow Dash, the first thing they noticed was the sheer number of books laying around her chair, most of the tomes holding the arcane secrets of the universe according to natural philosophy within their pages.

"Hey Rarity," Rainbow Dash said absently.

"Hello Rainbow Dash. Are you feeling alright?" Rarity asked.

"Never better. Why?" Rainbow Dash asked back.

"Rainbow Dash, darling, have you been taking your medicine?" Rarity asked all too casually. It took a few moments for the statement to process.

"...I never told you I took medication..." Rainbow Dash said quietly.

"Rainbow Dash, you told me quite clearly that you took three yellow pills in the morning," Rarity replied.

"I only took two until last month," Rainbow Dash, her anger growing. "And if I told you it would've been when I took two, you bitch!" Rainbow Dash threw the book on the ground, standing up on her hooves to face Rarity and Twilight.

"Rainbow Dash, I thought you were on some sort of behavior modification medicine and those things worry me, I didn't think that you..." Twilight said quickly, trying to explain away what happened.

"Not you, Twilight," Rainbow Dash said. "You're socially awkward, you can't lie worth a damn, and you're too ditzy and neurotic to hold a conspiracy together."

"Gee, thanks," Twilight said flatly.

"Rarity, on the other hoof..." Rainbow Dash said, pointing at accusing hoof at the fashionista.

"Rainbow Dash, you do not want to go there," Rarity said flatly.

"Oh, I wanna go there. I wanna go there RIGHT. NOW."

"... fine," Rarity said.

"Fine?" Rainbow Dash asked, surprised at the lack of resistance.

"Fine," Rarity said again. "We'll discuss in private at my house."

The fashonista walked out of the library in a very prim manner. Rainbow Dash gave Twilight a confused look, to which Twilight replied with a shrug. Not having any better leads, Rainbow Dash began following her.

They had gotten to Rarity's house before Rainbow Dash finally had her outburst.

"You're in on this, aren't you," Rainbow Dash said, clearly angry at her friend.

"Yes, Rainbow Dash, I am. But the conspiracy isn't there to hurt you. It's there to help you," Rarity said, as calmly as she could.

"Help me how?!" Rainbow Dash asked, her voice a mix of outrage and anger. "By putting so many chems into my system that I blow my mind and go on permatrip like Pinkie?!"

"No, not like that," Rarity said, before biting her lower lip.

"Well then WHAT?!" Rainbow Dash yelled at the top of her lungs.

"I... cannot say," Rarity said with hesitation and a little fear. "The non-disclosure agreement... even this much is actionable. I legally cannot tell you any more. Forget this even came up. We'll be better off for it."

"Rarity, I swear to whatever and all the gods that are out there, I'll..."

"You'll do what, Rainbow Dash?!" Rarity said, clearly fed up with Rainbow Dash's behavior. "Go out on one of your little adventures where you end up dragging everyone along with you, and end up getting all of us sent to jail?! AGAIN?!"

"You're hiding something from me! Something physical and real! I know you, Rarity. You're too OCD not to have some sort of trail of documentation so that you can cover your flank when this finally gets to court!" Rainbow Dash yelled.

"AND HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?!" Rarity screamed.

"I..." Rainbow Dash hesitated, uncertainty finally creeping into her voice. "I don't know how. I just... know..."

"That's right Rainbow Dash. You don't really know. You don't know the work that has gone into cleaning up your messes. You don't know how much effort we've spent making sure that there's nothing left to get you into trouble. I mean, the whole hospital episode alone..."

"There has to be something," Rainbow Dash said.

"No, Rainbow Dash, there isn't. This isn't like in the novels or those new-fangled movies filled with fashionably dressed and amazingly attractive actresses. There's no hidden room of scrapbooks, documents and memorabilia that will suddenly reveal a secret history where everything comes back to you. Even if that was what we were hiding, don't you think we would be smarter than to hide it in a house that you visit every other day?"

Rainbow Dash looked at the other mare, now uncertain. She knew there was a conspiracy involved. But she didn't actually know what the conspiracy was. Maybe it was some benign, like the twenty-third flavor of a certain soft drink or the true purpose of those little plastic things at the end of shoe laces.

Rainbow Dash was almost ready to drop it, before the floor in-between the two mares began to shake, then swing open. Out from it came Sweetie Belle, standing on some stair steps.

"Rarity!" Sweetie Belle said, her voice cracking once again from excitement. "I found a secret room right behind the basement. And there's so many secret entrances. Why didn't you ever tell me we had all this awesome stuff here?" the young filly asked, before she finally looked between the two grown mares. "Oh. You were having a fight, weren't you?"

"Yes, Sweetie Belle, we were having a fight," Rarity said in the tranquil tone of voice that suggested that she was experiencing true and complete rage.

"Is this a bad time?" Sweetie Belle asked, beginning to cower a little bit.

"Yes, Sweetie Belle, this a very bad time," Rarity said in that same creepy tone. She was clearly about to fly off the handle, or at the very least have a blood vessel pop in her eye.

"... I'll go back to the secret room behind the basement then," Sweetie Belle said.

"Thank you Sweetie Belle," Rarity replied. The little filly walked with her head low back below ground, the depression and disappoint in herself almost radiating off of her.

"Everything," Rainbow Dash said, clearly done with arguing and bargaining.

"No," Rarity replied.

"Rarity, you know me..." Rainbow Dash began.

"Better then you think know yourself," Rarity interjected.

"...and you know I'm not going to let this go," Rainbow Dash continued. "I know there's a conspiracy that has hurt me. I know one of my friends has been in on it the whole time. And I know that you have some sort of secret underground complex under your weird tent house shop dwelling... thing.

"If you value my friendship, then you'll show me and explain to me everything. And don't be afraid to use your sophisticated big words to show how smart and cultured you are. Not taking those pills that you helped shoved down my throat has improved my listening and reading comprehension tremendously."

Rarity looked between the two, clearly torn, before finally relenting with a dramatic sigh. The fashonista turned conspirator finally relented. "Alright, Rainbow Dash. Because our friendship and professional relationship means more than you can even begin to imagine, I'll show you everything."

Author's Note

Based off of one my old snippet threads at SB.com, but taken much, much more seriously. (Remember, I don't feel like getting sucked back into forum culture right now.)

Chapter 2: Past (flashbacks)

Dear Baroness Morning Star,

I understand fully the new constitution which constrains us all. Rest assure, though, that there is nothing nefarious happening in Ponyville. That these aid packages have been relatively secret has been the result of my own disgression.

The Ponyville Retirement and Rehabilitation Program has been what I considered one of the most successful charitable programs that the crown has undertaken. The personalities there need protection, and the best protection is anonymity. Some of these ponies have requested clemency or amnesty, and my aid would be politically sensitive. Not to mention the risk of an incindent if things get out of hand.

I have my best ponies ensuring that everything goes according to plan outlined in the Ponyville Charter, which is derived from noble’s and common law. My obligations to these ponies predates the constitution by over a century, and I still intend to keep my word.

Signed,

H.M.S.M. Celestia, Diarch of the Sun, Divine Head of State, Princess of the Magical Land of Equestria, her colonies and dependencies, Protector of the Realm, Defender of Harmony, etc.

0.0

“Welp, we’re autocrats. What now?” Rainbow asked.

Rainbow and Rarity stood on a small hill, overlooking the village. The two fillies would not know what fate awaited them, simply what had been dealt to them right now. The young unicorn filly was a Lady now, mistress of a small village of serfs and artisans, as well as the surrounding farmland. The pegasus, familiar save for her pure white hair and mane, was her steward and her bodyguard. For certain values of the word, at least.

“Rainbow, I realize that you hate the aristocracy, but now is not the time to fall into self loathing,” Rarity replied.

“What self loathing? I’m just a happy autocrat, scheming to steal the wealth of the people. Yep, that’s totally me,” Rainbow stated with sarcastic cheer. “Why, I even got the shiny new clothes for it. Look at how shiny they are!”

In truth only Rarity’s clothes were particularly shiny, being a fine silk dress with plenty of lace, jewels and silver stitching. Her tiara was also fairly shiny, although subdued, being of polished steel. Rainbow on the other hand simply had ‘very good clothes’, a brown functional affair with polished brass buttons.

“Rainbow, if we are to rule effectively we must overcome the ideas and morals of the culture we were raised in. Chief among them being that clothes are optional,” Rarity ground out. “How I rule will depend on the advice of my advisors.”

Rainbow snorted. “What rule? You’re uncle’s trying to be nice Rarity. This gets us out of the way while your relatives plot revenge against the Gong.”

“I don’t see how this precludes my ruling of this… village,” Rarity said.

“How many advisors do you really have?” Rainbow asked.

“Well…” Rarity said, looking to the side. “Maybe… half a dozen…”

“And how fertile is this land?” Rainbow continued.

“Okay, it’s absolutely barren,” Rarity responded. “So what? This is a better start than getting our blank flanks kicked every day by schoolyard bullies.”

“Yeah…” Rainbow said sullen. “Feel different now that we got big fancy titles?”

“No. They haven’t come in yet. They’re not going to come in,” Rarity replied.

“Oh, they’ll come in. I feel it. And they’ll be the biggest, most beautiful thing anypony has ever seen.”

“Size doesn’t matter. Shape does,” Rarity stated.

“Oh, the shape has to be attractive. But size is important too. Can’t have ‘em too tiny to see,” Rainbow said.

“… are you sure we are still talking about our cutie marks?” Rarity asked.

“No, I’m talking about our manes,” Rainbow replied. “Of course I’m talking about our cutie marks! What’s more important than that?”

The pegasus filly before the two young mares was a sad example of pony’s inhumanity to other ponies. When they found her, her clothes were torn and dirty. Her straw yellow mane was limp and stringy. She was starving, half the weight of a normal pony her age and only slightly smaller than average size. She wouldn’t speak, and she was clutching a courier bag with all the might her tiny frame could muster.

The servants in the newly built mansion helped the poor thing, feeding her and bathing her. Nurse Redheart, the stern governess who normally taught and cared for Rainbow and Rarity, tended to the poor thing with the upmost care. While she still seemed half feral, she was no longer trying to bite everyone in sight.

It was her googly eye stare that was most disconcerting. One eye was simply paralyzed in place, nearly rolling over, while the other one looked around, quietly categorizing everything and everyone around her. When not doing that, it seemed blank, almost devoid of emotion.

“Now then, darling,” Rarity began, using a word she rather liked that she picked up from the cook, “where did you come from?”

“East,” the filly replied.

“Where were you going?” Rainbow asked.

“West,” the filly deadpanned.

“Why?” Rarity asked.

It was a question to which the mare received no answer to. Instead the filly’s eyes began to glissen, filling with tears.

“Let’s skip that part,” Rainbow said, clearly having more tact out of the two for once. “What was in the bag?”

“Books,” the filly replied.

“What are they about?” Rainbow asked.

“Magic that earth ponies can do,” the filly responded. “That’s what the Gong said. Said it went against the natural order. Burned my parents…”

The filly began to cry, very hard and very loudly. Nurse Redheart walked into the room, once again the stern governess.

“Visiting hours are over,” she said, her Equestrian quite clear despite the years living among foreign nobles. They nodded, as the young filly cried, quickly slipping out. Rainbow took the time to grab up the bag before anyone could notice, slipping out of the room and slinging it around her neck.

“Rainbow, why did you take her bag?” Rarity asked, more than a little annoyed at the crass display.

“Well, if the Gong see it as worth killing over, then it must be important,” Rainbow replied.

“The Gong are profligate pillagers. They do not need a reason to commit rapine,” Rarity said dismissively. Her tone was haughty, picking up on the artificial dialect that was so common among the noble courts. “What happened is sad, horrible even. But hardly unique here. Ever wonder why we, as autocrats, are so loved by our people?”

“Because we’re foreigners who keep the taxes low and stay out of their business,” Rainbow stated.

“Exactly,” Rarity confirmed. “Even among the nobles more deserving of the word, certain… liberties are taken with the local population.”

“I don’t see how this relates to my borrowing of her books,” Rainbow said with exasperation.

“Because those are hers. They belonged to her parents. You’re a war orphan too, you should understand,” Rarity said, before stopping at a window. She looked upon the blue mountain which dominated the skyline. Often the newly noble pony would stare out at in in revelry, as though it held some deep secret.

“These books might be dangerous! I know you think I hate this job, but if it would hurt the ponies in this village, or help them, then I have to make sure that it won’t bring our doom,” Rainbow said with a mix of anger and annoyance, juvenile wings open in agitation.

The room that Rainbow had sequestered herself in was in the interior of the castle. It was dark, and cold, heated by a well tended fire. The young mare was clearly the worst for ware, spending days reading the texts by candlelight. Her white mane was all over the place, and she had shed her daily clothes for her evening robe and underwear.

To the young pegasus who was wronged, though, it didn’t matter. She was so angry that she snuck off, naked even, for the fateful confrontation. Her face showed anger and defiance despite her comically misaligned eyes. She was ready to begin to her tirade, before being cut off.

“Hello Derpy. I expected you to visit me,” Rainbow said, suddenly and with far too even a tone of voice.

“How do you know my name!?” Derpy yelled, caught off hoof and far too angry to care about yelling at one of her betters.

“Because the maids and hoofponies talked to me about you. I have a special interest in you now. I suppose I should be thankful…” Rainbow rambled, before catching herself. She was still bent over her ill gotten books, and instead of talking, she merely continued to read.

“You stole my parents book,” Derpy spat out, though in truth she felt more than a little fear because of the seemingly half-feral pony before her.

“I read your parents books,” Rainbow replied, unnaturally

“… you learned my parent’s magic?” Derpy asked, cautiously.

“I learned something better than magic,” Rainbow replied, slowly turning around. The play of lights and shadows made her seem taller than she was, and their red glow made her appear as a much darker and more menacing mare. There were bags under her eyes, and her features were twisted in a manically gleeful expression, her entire being expending all its effort to express a single word, a singular concept to sum up the entirety of her new passion and purpose.

“I learned SCIENCE!”

“Forceps,” Rainbow ordered, blood covered hoof outreached.

“Muffin,” Derpy replied, putting said confection in the mare’s hand.

Rainbow was seemingly confused. Her hair was till neglected, though not nearly was wild. Though there were still bags under her eyes from her initial science binge and her now frequent all nighters, she was getting something resembling sleep. Her clothes were those of a doctor now, and as such more akin to a chief or a griffin butcher. Before her, on the embalmer’s table, was a dead Gong spy. It was quite a boon for Rainbow’s study of the body: he was strung up nearly two hours ago, and other than some obvious bruising around the neck was in nearly perfect condition. Except for the large slit made down the barrel of it's chest, but since Rainbow and Derpy made that, it didn't count.

“Derpy, this isn’t a set of forceps,” Rainbow said, clearly adjitated.

“No, Mistress, it’s a muffin. Your observational skills are much better than mine, as always,” Derpy said, just as frustrated. Her expression retained its absolute seriousness for only a few moments, as her previously paralyzed eye began to roll up against her will once more.

“Derpy, why must you always do this at the most inappropriate times?” Rainbow asked.

“Because you need to eat! You’re wasting away worst than I did,” Derpy replied.

“Rarity doesn’t think so,” Rainbow said defiantly.

“Lady Rarity spends more time staring at dumb rocks than you spend doing this!” Derpy said, gesturing at the body. She looked over at it, and then screamed.

The body began to spasm on the table, jerking around as it did when it was still a pony being strung up. It’s eyes widened, and it’s face was contorted into a grim smile. This caused Rainbow to scream as well, jumping back to the nearest wall, keeping her eyes on the corpse.

“Mistress Rainbow, Derpy, what’s going on!” Nurse Redheart yelled, running in as quickly as she could. She then quickly assessed the situation, from the sliced open body trying to dance on the table to the two fillies cowering against the far wall. “Oh by all that is holy WHAT IN THE NINE HELLS ARE YOU TWO DOING?!”

“I DON’T KNOW!” Rainbow yelled back.

“Autopsy,” Derpy replied, with much more calm than Rainbow, but still clearly distraught.

“Then it’s the rigor mortis,” Redheart said, angry but still calm. “And the jerking around would be corpse convulsions, likely from the fact that he suffered a traumatic death. It’ll end soon. For now.”

Sure enough, like the experienced nurse said, the corpse calmed down. It held the position it had in death, though, twitching every now and then as it continued that weird, wide eyed smile.

“Now I’ll have to get the garden hose,” Nurse Redheart sighed, walking out of the room. “Don’t you two dare move.”

There was a moment of silence shared between the two fillies and the corpse, before Rainbow looked over to Derpy. “Exactly who’s minion are you, Derpy?”

“Depends,” Derpy replied, relaxing back to her normal, world weary state.

Rarity had taken to having walks on the dumb blue mountain. Rainbow didn’t know why. It appeared as though it was a convulsion, a ritual that she had developed to ease her mind even if it made the villagers worry. Though it was at those times, on her dainty little picnics up what was normally a perilous climb, that she was apparently the most approachable.

Both Rainbow and Derpy had been growing into their wings. Rainbow wanted to show off the wonderous inventions that she had made. Derpy wanted to help, as the two eccentric young mares were the closest friends that she currently had.

“Rarity! I made a new thing!” Rainbow yelled as she deceneded from the sky, pieces of a machine in her saddlebags. She had started to make her inventions modular, for easy transport.

“Hmmhmm dear. What would that thing be?” Rarity asked.

“I… don’t know yet… I’m thinking a cultivator.” Rainbow replied.

“It could be an automatic muffin launcher if we made the tubes bigger,” Derpy said absentmindedly.

“Yes dears, I’m sure it would,” Rarity absently noted. “What do you think, Tom?”

The large boulder situated across from her was as silent. Likely because as pleasant as the company was, it was situated dangerously on the edge of a cliff. But Tom was just that sort of gentleman. At least, Rarity told herself that.

“Forgive Tom for his rudeness,” Rarity said. “He’s Pranch, and while elegant does not understand our ways.”

“Umm… are you feeling okay, Rarity?” Rainbow asked.

“No, Rainbow, I’m not feeling okay. Because I am compelled to be here,” Rarity said, anger slowly rising in her voice. “Every day, every single day, I get a weird itch in my horn that grows stronger and stronger until I come here.”

“Umm… Rarity…” Rainbow tried to interject.

“In fact, it’s a wonder that I stay sane at this rate, surrounded by this desolent mountain and these dumb… stupid… ROCK!” Rarity screamed, throwing a teacup at Tom with her magic. She then bounded up, trying to trackle the rock and only dirtying her elegant clothes in the process. “DUMB ROCK!”

“Lady Rarity, do you need help?” Derpy asked.

“Dumb rock!” Rarity scream, bucking it. Although a unicorn, it seemed as though she had Earth pony magic for this moment, her young rear hooves pushing the rock back ever so much.

“Dumb rock!” Rarity screamed again, bucking more, pushing the rock back even further.

“Dumb, stupid, rock!” Rarity screamed, giving the rock another buck. It would be it’s last, as it finally fell over the edge, shattering on the granite platform below with a mighty crack. The sight was something to behold, almost as though it was a living thing pushed over the edge by its passionate murderess, spilling forth it’s innards in a shower of multicolored gems.

“Holy crap,” Rainbow said quietly at the display, walking quietly to the edge of the cliff with Derpy, past the sobbing Rarity.

“By the creator and the gods,” Derpy whispered in awe. “Those are every sort of gems imaginable. Emeralds, sapphires, quartz, diamonds… everything. We have everything.”

“Gems?” Rarity asked, quickly running over to the edge. Her juvenile face went from sadness to glee. “Not just gems, jewels! We have jewels!”

She hopped off, something ill advise for anyone unicorn save those with the strongest tinge of Earth pony blood flowing through their vains. When she landed, she began to laugh in manic glee, sorting through the valuable, semi-valuable and junk stones with the grace and talent afforded by those who have discovered their special talent. “We’re rich! The lands rich! The village is rich! Everypony is rich!”

“That could be a freak accident,” Rainbow said.

“Unless we have rock farmers here,” Derpy stated. “The rock farmers of Equestria produce so many gems with their specialized application of magic that mineral eating creatures like dragons are the only thing not inflating the market.”

In this time Rarity’s horn glowed brightly. With a combination of magic and hoof, she began to burrow into the ground, disregarding any sort of cleanliness or grace. By the time Rainbow and Derpy got down to her level on the platform, she had already discovered a vein. “Can we afford Pies?!”

“We can bake pies,” Rainbow replied with caution.

“Yes, we can afford the Pie clan! They’ll come here for free with deposits this rich, if we’re willing to negotiate a percentage of the ‘harvests’,” Derpy replied. At Rainbow’s baffled look, Derpy gave a shrug. “You have a beautiful raw genius, Mistress Rainbow. I can focus on more practical matters.”

Rarity emerged from the cave. She was filthy, her hair was a mess, her dress was in tatters, and she was the happiest she had been in her entire life. “The harvest has been poor and fighting season is coming soon. If we can afford food, afford factories, afford everything we need to make our village levy the best damn free company there ever was and arm our allies with weapons of our design…”

“Whoa whoa whoa. Weapons? For killing ponies?” Rainbow asked, shocked at the suggestion.

“We’re feudal lords protecting our lands, Rainbow,” Rarity began. “If we make weapons that outclasses our opponents’ levys, give our Earth ponies enough power to overcome their inbred unicorn mages…”

“… make fighting seasons shorter… wars so costly rulers balk at fighting… industry advanced enough that simply holding land is not enough…” Rainbow continued, caught up in the thinking.

“End campaigns faster, save the lives of those who would normally die of camp sicknesses. Giving the common pony the means to confront tyranny first hoof, and wrest power from the martial classes,” Derpy continued on.

“I’ll do it,” Rainbow promised. “I’ll make your weapons. Somehow.”

Duty and honor. Dedicating oneself to a lord, even to one’s own death. Weilding a weapon that had been made by a master craftsman, worth the soul of it’s owner. Learning drills, and performing them over a thousand times. Reaching such heights of perfection that even an Earth Pony could cut the very clouds themselves. Years of training, of physical and mental preparation, all leading up to a charge to seek out single battle.

This had been the way of war for thousands of years.

With the roar of fire from small firearms, these warriors were shown that war had changed.

Capable of firing at a rate of over 200 rounds per minute, with its rotating barrel and hand cranked automatic reloading system, this gentlecolts is the Rainbow Machine Gun. Created by renowned inventor Dr. Rainbow Spectrum, this gun can provide a continuous rate of fire without pause for reloading.

The company of Earth Pony knights that had been charging forward were comfortably within the range of the hundreds. Unlike levy troops, who relied on ponderous mass movements and mutual support, these ponies were best at lightning strikes and single combat. Yet even as the hearts of those facing them were quivering in fear, the generals presiding over the battle stood unphased.

With this weapon in your arsenal, a trained crew of just four Earth ponies can do the work of fourscore trained battle mages, reducing the cost of your army and increasing its effectiveness. And all through Equestrian ingenuity!

The indigenous officer looked on at the invention’s work in horror. He had never before seen such awesome carnage before. Even his thoughts of home, his thankfulness to be alive, were set aside for a moment as the proud armored warriors who had spent their their lives training for this moment were cut down by so few. Their armor, which could withstand the blows of swords and arrow alike, were punctured by the bullets. From the much wider exit wound of the high caliber bullet could be seen puffs of even from their distance. A few were even shot through the neck, nearly decapitating the warriors in a gruesome sight.

Those few that survived the machine guns would have to face the rifleponies. Well drilled and armed with the much less expensive but highly effective individual breech loaders, they let loose a disciplined hail of fire. Practically everything in their forward arch died. Everything that didn’t met their end either at the point of a bayonet, or the butt of a rifle.

Such was the fate of an army of well trained feudal warloards, sent to suppress a peasant uprising backed by aristocracy with delusions of enlightened republicanism and democracy.

So gentlecolts, are you ready to sign?

Such was how Rainbow aided Rarity and Derpy in their revenge against the Gong. That they made a nice chunk of change profiting from the constant warfare that occurred outside of Equestria, and even the playing field a great deal, made things all the better.

Author's Note

Like I said, if I get a TVTropes from this, it'll be really weird. Especially since the initial snippet that spawned this story was based off the trailer for "Total War: Shogun 2: Fall of the Samurai". Good game, by the way.

Small genius bonus, the Gatling Gun was originally invented by Dr. Richard Gatling, and was based off his design for a seed planting machine. He made it in part because camp diseases were observed to be the predominate killer of soldiers in European and American military campaigns. Rainbow Dash is much more ideological, in part because this particular characterization is based in part off my favorite characterization of Lex Luthor.

I'll be doing minor edits as I go along, either for grammatical purposes or to keep the ratings in line with an American PG-13.

Chapter 3: Present

Dear Princess Celestia,

It appears as though, as usual, your mastery of understatement far exceeds my own. You stuff a settlement full of criminals, exiled nobility, war profiteers, and vigilantes and dare to simply call it ‘politically sensitive’?

Rainbow Spectrum is perhaps the most glaring example. You’ve taken one of the most notorious villainesses of our day, a mare who’s whole purpose in life was to turn the proper social order on its head by any means necessary, and not only give her refuge, but a job as a weather mare? And then stuck her alongside her archnemisis and one of the most controversial solicitors in Equestrian history?

And with what you did to these ponies? Memory magic was never meant to be used that way. This is clearly an abuse of power, and the masses would want ponies hung if they ever found out.

Baroness Morning Star, MP, etc.

0.0

The basement room was just one of many, if the doors leading from it were any indication. And, like so many basements, it was filled with items that it’s owner had no immediate use for, but which were considered too valuable to get rid of. Most of it was in boxes, labeled with such exciting titles as ‘Tax returns 997 ACE’, ‘Environmental Impact Studies’, and ‘Research Evaluates’, and so on. A few even had such scandalous names as ‘Employee Peer Review No. 245’.

These things were not of interest to Rainbow Dash, however. Instead she stared at a newspaper, preserved behind glass and hung up on a wall. She was an awkward mare in those days, on the verge of being a fully grown adult in body as well as in mind. She was hugging Rarity, who was similarly dressed and happy though not quite as enthusiastic. Derpy stood to the side, looking plain compared to the other two. Above them was a banner which read “Spectrum Industries”, and around them various serious looking ponies caught up in the serious business of celebration.

“Do you remember now?” Rarity asked.

“Not everything,” Rainbow Dash replied. “I remember when I was just Rainbow. Helping you rule over a village. Discovering the joys of SCIENCE… Derpy…”

“So not everything afterwards?” Rarity asked.

“A little bit,” Rainbow Dash replied, staring at the picture. “What happened to me?”

“You became… well…” Rarity said, giggling a little as she tried to step around the subject.

“You were Rainbow Spectrum, the evil CEO of Spectrum Industries and achnemesis of Supermare?” Sweetie Belle asked, wide eyed. Rainbow Dash stared at her, unsure of what to say to that particular revelation. “That’s amazing! You made so many cool things!”

“I guess I did,” Rainbow Dash replied, still unsure, as Sweetie Belle continued to rummage through the stored items around them. “Rarity…”

“You’re breaking through a lot magic and chemicals. Worst of all, what I just did can get us all into a lot of trouble,” Rarity said, biting her lip a little bit, eyes crossing as she thought about it. Her countenance then suddenly brightened, as though she had a great revelation. “Unless I activate the ‘health and wellness’ subclause. Yes, I might be able to build up case where…”

“Rarity, what happened to my hair?” Rainbow Dash asked.

Rarity was caught off guard, her face reddening through her white fur in obvious embarrassment. “Oh, well, um… I might have been… dyingandbrushingitwhileyouwereasleep.”

Rainbow Dash stared at her friend, open mouthed, only capable of uttering a single word. “What?”

“But I had prior consent,” Rarity said with a bright, innocent smile. “The rainbow mane was your idea, after all.”

“This isn’t natural?!” Rainbow Dash said, shocked.

“Yes, Rainbow Dash. Your mane, which was previously white, being a rainbow color is indeed not natural,” Rarity deadpanned.

“Holy crap we’re rich!” Sweetie Belle screamed in joy, drawing a look of ire from Rarity.

“LANGUAGE!” Rarity yelled, trotting over to where the young filly was. She was nose deep in a ledger book.

“But it says here, ‘evil lawyer’,” Sweetie Belle began. “That means we’re loaded, right?”

Rarity sighed. “Sweetie Belle, that was the cost for hiring an evil lawyer. I never passed the Equestrian bar exam, so I’m not a lawyer.”

“What were you?” Sweetie Belle asked, genuinely confused.

“The Evil Consultant,” Rarity replied, with more than a little pride. This prompted confused looks from both Sweetie Belle and Rainbow Dash, which sent her on the defensive.. “It was good money! And those villains just looked so dreadful in those capes and spandex.”

“Evil consultant? Seriously? I don’t remember that,” Rainbow Dash said. “I thought we were autocrats.“

“We were until we abdicated,” Rarity said, sighing. “Now those days are long gone. As are our glamerous lives in Manehatten.”

“What happened?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“You got into a fight with Applejack, and destroyed half the city with your giant walker and her superpowers,” Rarity began. “You probably don’t remember it, but it got so bad that Princess Celestia personally intervened. She then gave you an ultimatum: Rainbow Spectrum must die for her crimes.”

Rainbow Dash was shocked by that last little revelation. Shocked and angry. “She was going to kill me?!”

“If she truly wanted to kill you, she would have done so,” Rarity said, trying to keep the mare across from her from getting more outraged then she already was. “One does not simply say no to a living goddess, Rainbow. Especially when she has a point. You were far too destructive, Rainbow. Your final battle left a lot of ponies hurt, a few dead even. Your anti-monarchist politics made enemies of the House of Lords, and the people turned against you. You couldn’t be left alive. But Princess Celestia was lothed to kill you.”

Sweetie Belle was the one to hold up a newspaper. ‘MAD MARES RAMPAGE ACROSS MANHATTEN, DOZENS DEAD’ read the headline.

“You elected to become somepony else. Princess Celestia offered to perform a memory spell, and you consented to it. You designed your own backstory, adopted your mother’s name, and commissioned the medicine you were taking. The Princess even gave you job as a weathermare to keep you afloat after your company was nationalized and dismantled.

“And yet here you are. In my bunker, hearing everything. So, what are you going to do?” Rarity asked.

“I… I don’t know…” Rainbow Dash replied, now more than a little depressed. She began to walk out of the basement.

“Rainbow,” Rarity called out after her.

“I just need time to think, okay,” Rainbow Dash replied sullenly. “I’m going for a walk.”

It was an awkward few moments as she made her way up the stairs. Only after she left did Sweetie Belle ask an innocent question in a hushed tone of voice.

“So… does she know about the giant robot in the huge empty room?”

Twilight looked outside her window, seeing a depressed Rainbow Dash walking by.

“Spike, I’m worried about Rainbow Dash. She’s just been so… so…”

“So Twilight?” Spike interjected helpfully, turning in his small bed.

“Out of character,” Twilight replied, doing her best not to give the baby dragon a glare. “This is kind of a friendship problem. Maybe I should write to the Princess about it?”

“Twilight, give it a rest,” Spike said. “Maybe more importantly, give me a rest.”

“Spike,” Twilight began, getting ready to explain why she was right and he was wrong. Only this time the baby dragon was already fully asleep. With a frown, she walked over to the place where Rainbow Dash was sitting, using her magic to levitate the book before her.

She could begin to understand the equations, but what they implied was what sent her head spinning. Light being both a wave and a particle? It was utter nonsense. Not just utter nonsense, utterly useless nonsense. Physicists were always like that, studying esoteric questions that were the equivalent to “how many angels could dance on the tip of a needle”, when much more useful magic and alchemy were just sitting right there for them to learn and study.

In fact, she was pretty sure that if there was a use, Derpy wouldn’t be a mail mare. The mare was her peer, but often times seemed so much older, and content to serve others in some abstract way. Just as Twilight’s thoughts wandered over to Derpy, Derpy wandered into her library.

“Hi Twilight,” Derpy said as she walked in.

“Hi Derpy. What can I help you with?” Twilight asked.

“I was wondering if you got the new optics book in. I’m wanting to check my theory so that when I grind my telescope’s mirrors I don’t…” Derpy’s good eye noticed the book laying on the floor, which darkened her countenance. “Twilight, why is a valuable book on the floor?”

“What? Oh, that,” Twilight said, using her magic to pick it up. “Rainbow Dash was here. She was acting very strange too. One moment she was wanting science books, and the next she was yelling to Rarity about remembering things.”

“Wait… this Is our Rainbow Dash right? As in, normal Rainbow Dash came in here to read about science, and not some Rainbow Dash shaped changeling that didn’t get all of her behaviors right?” Derpy asked, her scowl turning into hopeful joy.

“I think so?” Twilight said with uncertainty.

“What did she think of my book?!” Derpy asked, suddenly standing nose to nose with Twilight, face filled with joy and wings outstreached.

“She said it was light reading,” Twilight replied. Derpy then squeed in joy, now bouncing around the library like a foal on Heart’s Warming Eve.

“She’s back she’s back she’s back she’s back,” Derpy said, over and over again.

“Who’s back?” Twilight asked, confused.

“Mistress!” Derpy replied with glee. She then gasped, as though she realized something. “I gotta find her before her genius leads her to science and other minions!”

She then tried to fly out of the library, only to hit into a well polished pane of clear glass. Twilight sighed, opening the door for the confused mail mare, which she promptly flew out of.

“Minions, huh?” Twilight said quietly, looking thoughtfully at Spike. She then shrugged. “Never saw the appeal.”

Rainbow Dash quickly found out that although she felt like she was in the dumps, the world outside was still irritatingly cheerful and sunny. Indeed, everypony seemed to be happy but her, going about with their happy work, their joyful family relationships, and perhaps one or two potentially scandalous dates.

It was then that Rainbow Dash sighed. The clouds above the town were white and fluffy, the best sort to lay around in like a bum. The tree boughs, though hard and sometimes knotty, were cool and shaded. The earth below was soft, the grass offering it’s own unique bed.

But the more Rainbow Dash thought about it, the more she felt restless. It was a peculiarly unpleasant sort of feeling, knowing that you cannot sleep yet desiring to do so. It was in this state that she stumbled upon Applejack.

“Well howdy-do there, RD. Why’re ya’ bein’ so down ‘n the dumps today?” Applejack asked, concerned for her friend.

Rainbow Dash looked up at her friend, a dour look on her face. It was unusual, since she was normally so energetic and ready to either sleep or carry out some half brained scheme to turn a normal day into an exercise in awesome.

“Applejack, you used to live in Manehatten, right?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Well yeah, Ah did,” Applejack reply, giving an indifferent shrug. “Didn’ like it too much, though. All tall buildin’s an’ fru-fru city folk. Can hardly tell that the Oranges used t’ be orchard folk. Why ya’ ask?”

“Applejack, did we know each other in Manehatten?” Rainbow Dash asked.

Applejack was quiet then. It was then that Rainbow Dash knew that she caught the orchard tending mare. Rainbow Dash was loyal, to her minions, her employees, her people… all to a fault. But Applejack wasn’t loyal, at least not in any way that would be exceptional for a pony. She was, however, honest.

So when she grimaced, Rainbow Dash knew exactly what sort of relationship they had now.

“You’re in on the conspiracy, aren’t ya?” Rainbow Dash accused.

“Ah haven’t lied ‘bout anything yet,” Applejack replied, not lying, but clearly trying to dance around the truth.

“So, are you a conspirator, or are you a victim?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Ah’m one of the orchard folk. Was raised that way. We don’t go ‘round thinkin’ ourselves as victims, or th’ opprosed prolitariate, or any other way ‘sides maybe temporarily embarrassed rich folk. Stars above we live a rich ‘nough life already,” Applejack said.

“You aren’t telling me the truth!” Rainbow Dash yelled.

“Ah’m tellin’ you the exact truth. Ah ain’t anything special. Least not anymore. Ah can work and live and love without worryin’ ‘bout if Ah buck too hard or if mah hugs end up crackin’ ribs. An’ Ah would honestly prefer t’ keep it that way. Ah ain’t special no more, and Ah have you, specifically you Rainbow Dash, t’ thank for that,” Applejack replied, not quite at a yell, but clearly on the verge of a rant.

It was at that point that Derpy came flying out of the sky, tackle-hugging Rainbow Dash.

“Mistress! You’re here! You’re back! You’ve really come back, just like you said you would! I never had any doubts, none at all!” Derpy replied, as she held Rainbow Dash in a bear hug that was clearly beginning to crush the life out of her.

“Damn it… minion… need… air… breathe…” Rainbow Dash struggled to say, before Derpy realized what was going on and let Rainbow Dash go. There was a brief moment, when their eyes met…

They weren’t sisters. They were not friends. They certainly weren’t lovers, though their relationship was certainly as intement without the physical and frankly disease prone process. It was an intellectual and emotional relationship of a purely platonic nature. They were two highly dysfunctional beings, each with gifts in the extremes, that complimented each other.

At the end of the day, Spike would grow up and leave, and Twilight would be okay with it. But Derpy and Rainbow Dash could never leave each other. Because Rainbow Dash was still Rainbow, scientist, eccentric genius, potentially mad mare, and charismatic mistress. And Derpy was the minion, loyal to a fault, highly intelligent, not as creative but certainly less manic and tied to the ground. It was a strange sort of codependence, and that really was all there was to comfortably say on the matter.

There was an awkward moment of silence, as mad scientist and minion realized what their antics might bring upon them. They looked towards Applejack, staring at her with confusion and a little fear. The orange mare sighed, a most common form of expression this day it seemed.

“Well, can’t say I didn’t see this happenin’ eventually,” Applejack said.

“You’re not… mad… are you?” Rainbow Dash asked cautiously.

“That’ll be dependin’ on what you’re plannin’. ‘Sides, it’s not like I’m half the mare I used to be. Or a quarter. Or an eight…”

It appeared as though Applejack was having her own problems. Rainbow Dash looked at Derpy, and the mailmare dutifully got off of her mistress. Rainbow Dash walked over to Applejack, placing a foreleg across her shoulders.

“We’re friends, right?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Depends on who ya’ are right now,” Appleack said. “Ya’ ain’t in the madness place… YET.”

“Because of Rainbow Spectrum,” Rainbow Dash asked, getting a nod. “I’m not sure I’m her anymore.”

“So then you’re still Rainbow Dash,” Applejack said, a little hopefully.

“I’m… not sure about that either,” Rainbow Dash said. “At least… I’m not sure if I’m going to be the same Rainbow Dash. A lot of things have happened, right? I’m still coming off the drugs and spells.”

“And there may be permanent brain damage,” Derpy added, prompting a stare from the other two. “What? I keep up with things.”

“What things?” Applejack asked, suspiciously.

“Depends,” Derpy replied without any particular commitment.

“Derpy, I just have one question. And it’s a very important one,” Rainbow Dash began. “Are there any other scientists in Ponyville? Is Applejack one of them? Rarity said we got into a fight back in Manehatten and everything, so…”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! I ain’t one of ya’ll science types. Ya’ll be too busy t’ dissect me for that,” Applejack replied, backing up more than a little bit. As if ready to run.

“Tell her about Miss Manos,” Derpy demanded, suddenly.

“Wait, who?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Miss Manos. She’s got a minion too and everything,” Derpy said with a wide grin. He clapped her hooves as she sat on the ground. “Tell us that story please. It would explain a lot about the ponies around here, and you.”

“Ah don’t know,” Applejack said, clearly nervious. “Ah mean, we could get into a lot of trouble for it.”

“Rarity said something about being in trouble for remembering it,” Rainbow Dash said.

Applejack looked between the two, Derpy looking like a foal being read a story, and Rainbow Dash looking confused. She then gave a sighed.

“Ahm ‘fraid a can’t,” she said, immediately seeing their disappointment. Applejack turned around and began to trot away.

“Hold on,” Rainbow Dash said, taking to the sky and heading Applejack off on the ground.

“Rainbow Dash, Rainbow… you’re mah friend. But ya’ ain’t family, an’ Ahm not gettin’ mah kin folk in trouble on your account, ‘specially not Mac or Applebloom,” Applejack replied.

Rainbow Dash leaned forward, almost whispering in Applejack’s ear. “They got your family? They’re threatening them? I have a very particular set of talents… I can help you. You don’t need to do this alone.”

“It ain’t like that, RD, it’s…” Applejack began, before noticing the look on Rainbow Dash face. As though she was ready to go to the ends of the Earth, through Tatarus and back, all with little more then the wings on her back and grim determination to get through for her friend’s sake.

“It’s not like that,” Applejack said, a little too quickly.

“Are you sure?” Rainbow Dash asked, pressing on.

“… if Ah tell ya’ the story, will ya’ back off?” Applejack asked.

“I promise,” Rainbow Dash replied.

Applejack nodded a little. “Alright. Well, it started off like this…”

Author's Note

I'll be doing minor editing when I'm not so tired. This story also now has a Space Battles thread. It's not a full return to Space Battles, just going in to update my stories and such.

SpaceBattles thread: [MLP:FiM] By One's Own Merit

Chapter 4: Past (Story)

Dear Morning Star,

I understand that the modern politician has little to no scruples, as well as very strong opinions. This is not anything new. It has often been the case that those who were born into power rather than rise naturally into it lack the perspective of even the most common of ponies.

Consider our virtues for a moment. I am loyal to my subjects, as I expect for them to be loyal to me. I am generous with my time, my funds, and my mercy. Although I may not be the kindest of ponies, I do at least like seeing their smiles and their laughter. I am honest, despite the gags which you try to place on me, and I always seek to extend a hoof in friendship to other nations despite the nobility’s own xenophobic bloodlust.

Although I consented to this experiment of allowing the common pony more self governance, I have seen how the House of Commons has been used as a Neighponies Kabuki Theatre while the nobility and merchant houses continue with their own excesses. Before you begin spouting out how ponies would want heads, perhaps you should consider how well connected to your neck your own is if the excesses your people commit ever reaches the light of my day. Trust me, my own indulgences in virtue seem light in comparison to your own den of sin.

Princess Celestia

=0.0=

What is love?

To the soldier it used to be food. True love was previously something unknown to changelings as anything other than a thing to consume. Only the Queens reproduced, and the males (beautiful, pitiful specimens that they are) only lived for five weeks: enough to extract needed seed to continue the Hive’s existence. The rest were asexual, aromantic, and functionally neuter.

Although to the soldier’s horrified realization, it was only two out of those three. The term used in the cheap pony novels was “going native”. Assuming an identity was central to a soldier’s task as the changeling’s nomadic legion infiltrated an area and began harvesting their own specie’s preferred emotion. So the soldier became BonBon, a confectioner, assuming her memories, identity, and place in society. At times like theses the soldier BonBon wondered what happened to her true pony counterpart. Was she in another city? Was she fed to Queen Chrysalis as an offering from the legion, or to some new Queen who had yet to exhibit a certain necessary pupation? These things the soldier BonBon did not know.

The soldier BonBon (who thought of itself as a her for convenience sake, for it had assumed a female identity) now knew love. She had fallen madly in love with an eccentric mare, true, but her time spent absorbing the culture of Equestria made her know that while certain times of romantic love were considered forbidden by certain sects, love knew no bounds. Even within her own circulatory system.

So here she was, standing in front of a mirror in a public restroom in a bank, looking upon the form that she had assumed while her love was in another stall, working up the courage to ask a single question in the most appropriate way.

“Lyra,” BonBon began, uncertainty already evident in her voice.

“Yes BonBon,” Lyra replied, sounding as chipper as ever in the bathroom stall.

“Are you in love?” BonBon asked, smiling a little at herself for getting the question out.

“Of course I’m in love!” Lyra enthusiastically replied, sending BonBon’s cardiovascular system soaring. “WITH ADVENTURE!”

At that point, whatever heart strings that BonBon had were cut, sending her cardiovascular system plummeting back down to her body. “Oh,” she said, before seeing her love walk out of the bathroom stall. At that point she felt all color drain from her, both the illusion and her own carapace.

Standing behind her was Lyra in her most garish garb. She wore a green, white and red mask made of what appeared to be leather, holes cut out for her eyes and mouth. Her chest was bare, but from the waist down were white spandex pants that any mare in her right mind would recognize as a crime against fashion. A red cape fluttered behind her by some unseen force, and she seemed to radiate an almost golden light, inspecting her forelegs and the large mechanical hands that she had put on them.

“Perfect,” Lyra said quietly to herself, before a cocky grin plastered her face. “IT’S MANOS TIME!”

She then proceeded to ignore the door, channeling her unicorn magic through the device on her right hand as she went for a right hook. The fist slammed through the stone façade wall, a burst of magic clearing out a hole big enough for a changeling queen or alicorn princess to walk through in a bipedal fashion.

“OH YEAH!” Lyra screamed in celebration, before jumping through hole. BonBon stood there in shock, realizing three things at once.

The first was a horror at the fact that she fell in love with an oblivious and obviously mad mare.

The second was a realization that no matter how her legion approached invading Equestria, they could never win. The ponies were simply too powerful, and too crazy to accept a life a slavery.

The third was that despite both those facts, she was still in love with Lyra and the magical land of Equestria.

Cursing Lyra, ponies in general, herself and her queen, BonBon followed behind Lyra, wondering just what sort of damage her love would cause.

The crazed unicorn jumped into the main lobby of the bank, BonBon quickly following behind. Customers quickly tried to run away, to hide, to do anything while the security ponies and the tellers reached for their weapons.

One of the guards rushed in, trying to take on Lyra with a firm earth pony buck. It was not successful, though, as the unicorn fighter dodged the attack, grabbing his rear legs deftly with her mechanical hands. With a wicked grin, she began to spin, twirling round and round before letting the poor earth pony go and throwing him straight into his unicorn partner.

It did, however, buy time for the tellers to bring out their weapons. They were small caliber automatic weapons of the finest dwarven make, made of steel and wood with gold inlays depicting ponies standing in victory over elves. The elves are burning. The ponies are eating cheese. Such was the meticulous craftsdwarvesship of the dwarves, for all the good that it would do them.

They fired, a wild spray of bullets flying everywhere. Channelling her magic through her mechanical hands, Lyra brought up a green tinged magical barrier, separating the lobby in half and sparing a couple of people who were cowering, as well as the security guards. The bullets ricochet, hitting some of the tellers while the rest emptied their magizines.

Fortunately, even with dwarven engineering and magically extended magazines, the guns were not bottomless bullet hoses. As the tellers began to fumble around with reloading, Lyra rushed forward.

“FEEL THE POWER AND SKILL OF MANOS!” she yelled, using her magic and her strength to subdue those bank employees who remained standing. BonBon didn’t pay any attention to that however, as the rest of the customers ran for their lives out of a bank that had suddenly turned into a warzone.

“WHAT SORT OF BANK ARMS THEIR TELLERS WITH DWARVEN GUNS?!” BonBon screamed in disbelief.

“An evil bank, my friend,” Lyra replied. She chuckled a little at her work, before shrugging. “Now, lets loot their stuff before the city guards get here.”

They came before the giant vault, which was of course locked. BonBon stared at it, trying to figure out a way to get. She didn’t know how somepony could go about fooling the locks, as they would doubtless be magically proofed against such tampering by those who had special talents in thieving. And unlike the dwarven guns this was of human make, so there was little doubt that the internal mechanisms were as fine as their diligent sets of deft digits could make them.

“If I may be bold as to interrupt, I believe that the object of you are searching for is not in the vault,” an electronic voice said over the intercom, startling BonBon enough to scream.

“It’s alright, my friend. It’s just an AI,” Lyra said, before she began to walk down the right hallway.

“An AI? But only the humans can make those,” BonBon said.

“That is correct,” the intercom said. “However, I am currently here with the equipment I am hosted on as part of a security contract. I am informed that it was a very profitable deal.”

“Wait… human stuff is years ahead of ours, and made with a completely different thought process. Everything that’s not already at our level is prohibitively expensive because of treaties and tarrifs. What are the ponies here guarding that would be worth that much?”

“Something more valuable than bits or gold,” Lyra replied, opening a door. There was some sort of glass screen which separated the duo from the large number of small metal boxes which were both locked and on shelves. “Hey, computer person. Mind telling us the password?”

“I’m afraid I am not at liberty to disclose that information,” the intercom replied.

“Shame about your door then,” Lyra said casually, before channeling magic from her horn into her mechanical hand. She screamed as she punched the door, which withstood the force the magically enhanced blow. The drywall which had the doorframe gave, however, and the square unit fell onto the ground. “Eh, close enough.”

“I believe the object you are looking for is in box K-27. Right wall, second shelf from the top, fifteenth from the entrance,” the intercom said.

“Why are you telling us this?” BonBon asked.

“It’s a human security program,” Lyra began. “It may be performing according to what seems logical, but that means that it’ll be doing what’s logical for an educated human. Most humans are utilitarian in outlook in one way or another, and its goal is to ensure that the assets here are protected as much as possible. Since I have already breached their security this far, and since I am looking only take a few specific items, then the least bad solution that produces the most happiness would be to give me what I want so that I will go away.”

“Wow that… actually sounds really thought out,” BonBon said, baffled by the behavior her friend was exhibiting.

“I know, right? I surprise myself a lot these days,” Lyra said, finding the box and ripping it open with hands. Inside seemed to be a few objects, which to BonBon looked like small metal bricks. “Hmm… I could make a copies…”

“In that case, It is also prudent to inform you that I have notified the police to your attempted robbery. You have five minutes until the city guard arrives. Surrender is highly suggested,” the intercom calmly said.

“You ratted on us? You son of a bitch!” BonBon yelled.

“Please do not refer to my creator that way,” the intercom deadpanned.

“Stop insulting the computer program’s mother, BonBon. It’s only doing its job,” Lyra said, before producing a set of saddlebags from her cape. She dropped the small bricks inside of them. “If something happens, run home. Run as fast as you can, then disappear for a while.”

“Why?” BonBon asked, before lasers seemed to come from nowhere and barely miss her.

Lyra tossed the bag to BonBon. “I’ll hold off Supermare while you get away. Go! Now!”

BonBon didn’t have to be told twice. She quickly put on the saddlebags, and looked at Lyra, who seemed conserned. “Be safe,” BonBon said quietly, before running away.

Lyra grinned as BonBon ran out of earshot. “But my friend, how can I be safe when I finally get to fight a worthy opponent?”

A hole was finally bore through the roof. A circle of debris almost fell on Lyra, save through a combination of deft mechanical hands and unicorn magic. When Lyra shrugged it off, she gave the mare above her a grin. “Impressed yet?”

“A little bit,” the orange mare replied. She was dressed similarly to Lyra, blue spandex with a stylized yellow and red Σ over her chest, and a domino mask covering her eyes instead of a full mask like hers. Her yellow mane and tail was carried just a little bit by the wind. Not much like the movies, but it was enough to get the effect. “You might want to turn yourself in.”

“Or else what?” Lyra asked.

The mare gave a cocky grin. “This.”

The mare dove straight for Lyra, to which she grinned. Didn’t matter if they were pegasi or flying Earth ponies, they still were too direct. Lyra directed her magic to her hands, caught the flying mare’s forelegs, and spun until she slammed into a wall. The wall, being fairly cheap in its construction despite its façade, was worst for wear then the formerly flying mare.

“How did you do that?” the orange mare asked, confused.

“Ever since I found that book, I have had a certain… spark ignite. Not just in my thinking abilities, but in my magic. My horn, these hooves, these hands I made as foci, they are far too strong for most of Equestia, for most of this world, now,” it was then that the masked wrestling pony gave a smile which was far too wide. “But you… you aren’t a real Equestian pony. You aren’t from this world, are you? So you can take it.”

“Why you…” the orange mare ground out. The comment about not being a real Equestrian seemed to drive her into a rage, and she launched herself, charging to Lyra. Lyra responded by holding out her mechanical hand and firmly grabbing. Magic flowed through her entire body, stregnthing it as the unicorn turned wrestler let out a savage scream and slammed her into the ground.

Breathing hard, Lyra let go, before letting out a horrified gasp at the seemingly broken pony under her. “Oh dear human creator god…” For a few moments her eyes darted left and right, as she tried to figure out what to do. She circled around, still unsure, before the other spandex wearing mare spun around and kicked Lyra’s legs out from under her. She fell, trying to catch herself, but it was a risky proposition even for a bipedal being. Her right foreleg twisted in an unnatural way.

Lyra screamed in pain. Then she passed out.

It had been three days since Lyra robbed a bank. Three days in the hospital, with her forelegs in plaster lest she hurt them in some new way while the bones set. While magic could be used to heal, said healing could potentially cause more harm than good. This Lyra knew for a number of reasons, from what was explained in her health class to her own personal research.

Of course, alien technology didn’t provide shortcuts. Dwarves were not known for medical technology. Elves were just as likely to eat you as they were to heal you. And while humans could do things like print replacement bones for transplants, at the end of the day they do the exact same thing she’s doing when it’s a ‘minor’ injury like this.

So here she was, consigned to lay there as she was. Nothing even to read.

It was then that a smartly dressed unicorn enter into the room. The suit certainly was fashionable, and stood in stark contrast to her pure white coat. Her mane was purple, carefully groomed into shiny curls, and her eyes seemed far too sharp.

“So…” Lyra began. “Are you the DA, or the free lawyer? ‘Cause either way, I feel too tired to talk to you.”

“What if I said that I was neither?” the unicorn asked.

Lyra was quiet for a moment. She yawned for a moment, before looking at her more carefully. “Well, I’ve been having trouble sleeping recently.”

“You stole something of great value recently. Information on human technology,” the unicorn began.

“Humans restrict their technology. They don’t try to ban using it, but they’re… over cautious. They don’t share that information freely. It costs a lot, and they scale it, so very few places can get legitimate examples. They worry that other peoples will turn their wonders into weapons, or simply become dependent on them for all new innovation,” Lyra said.

“Personal experience has shown me that they’re right. For the making weapons part at least,” the unicorn said, looking to the side for a moment. She then smiled, but it seemed somewhat fake. “Well, with that understanding, I believe we negotiate a satisfactory arrangement.”

“What sort of arrangement?” Lyra asked.

“You have potential information about wonders. Advanced metallurgy. Transistor based computers. Medical techniques that, while admittedly created with an alien race in mind, are still decades ahead of our own. Even insights into the very workings of the universe, missing the influence of magic yes but not bound by the orthodoxy of the archanists either.”

“You want all that?” Lyra ask. "Why?"

“Oh, I personally do not have more than a superficial interest in what you stole. But I have a friend, who is very much like you. If you doubt her motives, then you can meet her later. For right now, though…” the mare’s insincere smiled turned to a smirk. “Lets negotiate.”