Mad genius

Chapters

Shattering Dimensions
Proving yourself
The waiting game
Twilight and Applejack
Delays

Shattering Dimensions

"Reporting live for BBC news. I am currently stood right outside Aperture facility as they prepare to unveil their newest experiment, one that has been promised to move our technology years ahead of its time, created by non other than...There he is!" The reporter quickly waved her hand, encouraging the camera man to follow her closer to the disturbance.

A huge crowd of reporters and fans filled up the pavement beside the road as a car came around the corner. The car itself was nothing special, the person who was inside that however was. And if today went as planned, he would be spoken alongside names such as Einstein and Stephen Hawking.

The white car slowly came to a stop before the crowd who were kept at bay from a small path leading from the car to the building by police. The front door of the car opened and a tall and well muscled man stepped out. He was wearing a perfect black suit with a blood red tie and black leather gloves and was bald apart from a small black cap on top of his head. He had been well paid for this small job, to make sure nothing went wrong today. The man he was hired to protect had many enemies. And for now, he was resigned to play the part of the butler.

His critical eye scanned the crowd, picking out likely suspects of an attack and held them in his memory so he could stop them if they tried to attack. There was too much pushing and movement to see any tell tale signs of a bulge in a coat. He would have to just be best prepared to stop any gun the moment it came out. This was not an ideal bodyguard situation, but this man he was protecting was one for theatrics and insisted it had to be done, to soak up the public applause as he unveiled his new technology.

He kept his face neutral and walked up the side of the car, opening the door.

A foot poked out and the crowd went ecstatic, people desperately pushing against the line of police just to try and get closer. Teasingly, the rest of the body came out slowly, sporting a wide grin. The man was wearing a scientists lab coat which covered his whole body. He wasn't particularly handsome, or very ugly, his brown hair was cut short, sticking up slightly at the front. He was best described as 'average'. He had a brown shirt underneath the coat and white trainers, completing the look of a stereotypical scientist, much to the crowds pleasure

As he stood out into the sunlight reporters thrust their microphones closer and tried shouting over each other to get the first question and response from him.

"What will you do when-"

"How does it feel to-"

How will this-"

He shook his head and playfully pulled the motion of a zip across his mouth, waving away with his free hand. The crowd ignored this and pushed against the line regardless, desperate to be closer. He walked up quickly, smiling and rarely blessing some stranger with his signature.

He tapped a little dance as he walked up the red carpet between the police guards. This was the day he had been waiting so long for. This day was going to be just perfect...

The man stood at the podium, in front of a large blanketed object. Everyone knew what it was, but this was the first public unveiling and so it remained covered for dramatic tension. He coughed, and began his speech to the assembled crowd of scientists and reporters.

"Ladies and gentleman, today, we stand at the dawn of a new age in technology, a rise in..."

He sighed and threw the papers to one side

"I had this whole nice little speech planned, well, written for me. But you don't want to hear me ramble on about how this technology is going to revolutionise the human race. And I can't be bothered to go on about it either. So lets just skip ahead."

He flashed the cameras a quick grin before turning around and whipping the cloth of the device. The audience gasped and began a round of furious applause. In front of him stood a large metal disk shaped object standing up. It flashed with sparks of electricity and wires ran down the sides, feeding it power to get it ready. It stood up with two 'legs' supporting the circle and was taller than the man.

He chuckled lightly as he beheld his creation. Five years of research had led him to this moment, well, not all of it was his creation exactly.

Phoenix Corporations, the other major player in revolutionary technology. Aperture and Phoenix have been rivals for over ten years, ever since they were both founded in 2015.

He had already created the device, all he needed now was to calculate the exact formula needed to bend light around a fixed point to such a high degree that the person entering would not be ripped to shreds and the bare atoms spread across the universe. This formula was so elusive he spent over a year working on it with no success. Then came the word

His spy in Phoenix had alerted him that they were close to finishing the same device that he had been working on, except they had worked out the code. He then took the only logical step.

He sent in a team of spies to steal the data and trash the lab so Phoenix would never finish the device.It had been expensive, especially for a mission such as this and had to use all the money he had gained for creating the Aperture Science Sentry Turret.

It was worth it. Not only did he now have the formula, but he also struck a severe blow to their industry. The best part was that they had been keeping the formula a secret, and now only the ruined mangers know about it, with no evidence to press him for charges.

"That looks even better than the last time I looked!" The man waved to the cameras as they went berserk over pictures. "So I promised, so I will deliver."

The man stood for the pictures for a few more seconds, living his glory. He absentmindedly rubbed the silver coin in his pocket. He went up to the side of the machine and pressed a small red button. The large metal device hummed as it warmed up and cables sparked as electricity flowed through them.

Everyone went silent as the machine carried on, growing louder and louder. The man's smile began to flicker as volts were spat out with no results. A few tense moments later the silence was shattered by a loud crack which echoed throughout the hall.

A vortex of air began swirling inside the ring, a stray sheet of paper was sucked in and viciously ripped to shreds which fluttered out behind the machine. A thump sounded out and an orange portal expanded from the centre of the ring until it filled the entire inside of the device. It glowed ominously, a solid orange which bathed the audience in light.

A loud cheer rose up from the crowd. Reporters screamed into their respective cameras about the success.

The ceiling opened up above them, causing them to look up. A similar ring descended to the floor beside the first, this one casting of a contrasting blue light.

"And here we have, the worlds first teleporter. Ladies and gentleman, I myself shall test this out right now. See you on the other side!"

And with that the man jumped into the orange portal which completely consumed him. The crowd gasped and went silent.

Seconds ticked by without noise.

Suddenly a ear splitting metallic screech deafened the crowd and caused the windows to shatter. At once both portals glowed purple and imploded, creating an explosion that scorched the lab, destroying years of research and singing the front row of the audience.

Okay, this is not how today was meant to go. I was supposed to pop out the other portal, where I would be congratulated and made a hero of science. I was not supposed to rocket through the nether space like some sort of insane bird. I shall sum up my situation as briefly as I can.

After stepping into the orange portal I fell downwards, instead of coming out the blue teleporter. It seems I had forgotten to take into account the effect of parallel dimensions magnetic attraction on the electric impulses of the brain and body for when I pass through the nether space. But come on, how was I supposed to realise their were other worlds?

The objects I passed through the teleporter came out the other side perfectly fine, it must be the electrical activity of a living creature that is causing me to be taken astray. Problematic.

I am in a...'world'? Reality? No, it is more the space between worlds and realities. Anyway it is pure white and I am falling at an incredible rate. Since this place has no air as such and no other movement there must be some sort of attraction force acting on me, most likely from the nearest universe to the one I just popped out from.

The speeds I'm going at are beyond human, easily mach 2.5. Before any of you start complaining "but you can't go faster than terminal velocity when falling" I am in the nether world, there is no air, therefore no air resistance, therefore, no terminal velocity. I can go as fast as I like, of course, the next object I hit is likely to be the end of me.

There is some sort of brown spot in the distance, as that is the only colour I can presume that is the thing that is attracting me towards it. Doesn't look like much.

Okay it does look a little bigger now. It doesn't look like much, just a brown smudge floating in the nether world. Although I am going very fast. If it's solid...

I am not going to survive this, I am going way to fast to OH SHI-

Darkness surrounds me, but I am still falling. There are bright specks of light above but there is nothing apart from that
Unexpected, I had believed the afterlife to be nothing, but here I physically am, falling somewhere. Maybe there is a heaven and hell.

At the rate I'm falling, I would definitely say hell. At least dying didn't hurt. I didn't feel a thing, which is strange. My body would have enough time to send the first of the pain impulses to my brain before that too was smashed to pieces, or maybe I underestimated the speed I was going.

As I slowly spin in the air I am faced with a new and unconsidered problem. Mostly due to the impossibility of the situation. I am in fact, heading straight for earth and I am some how at the edge of the atmosphere.

Hmmm...

I'm not even going to bother trying to unlock the logic behind this. For now all I will say is this. Earth IS hell. That makes the most sense right now.

Well, that's the least of my problems as I'm heading there very fast and starting to catch fire from the wind resistance. The air is screaming at me as I rocket and faster and faster towards the planet in front of me. Soon it is all encompassing and I see I am clearly heading for some sort of lake in a small forest...on a mountain? It seems my luck is finally turning.

Well, that all depends on whether this lake is deep enough, by the way the light of the moon is refracted and reflected through the shimmering waters I would have to say it's deep, but the mud distorted these rays and makes it impossible to come to a certain scientific conclusion in the few seconds I have before I crash. Now it's just a question of...

WHAM!!

Darkness

Spots of light.

A rush of sound in my ears

The whole world around me pulsed.

It grew lighter and began to vibrate before I slowly began to regain consciousness. The world flashed white and I breathed in.

Water rushed into my mouth, filling my lungs. I desperately tried to cough it back up but I had no air to replace it. My eyes stung under the water with all the mud making it hard to see. I tried to move one arm forwards but it wouldn't work properly and I couldn't lift it very far. Something wrong with my muscles or shoulder, maybe some type of cramp or an impalement of an object in my shoulder preventing proper movement. Either way it was interfering with me saving my life.

I tried to move my back leg back as well to propel my self forwards and hopefully out of the water. However that had also been impaired and the best I could do was some sort of kicking motion with my strange limbs.

A few seconds of manic flailing later and I began to feel things go dark. I was running low on oxygen. I desperately needed more so I could live. Even if I go without oxygen for much longer then my brain will begin shutting down, which could cause irreversible brain damage even if I survive. To do that to a brain like mine would be an offence to nature.

Finally I breached the water like some sort of majestic wet dog. At once I vomited a lung full of water only to once again slip beneath the surface without taking a single breath.

I scream out bubbles at annoyance of this. My feet aren't very useful for moving in the water. They're so cold, I can't even feel my toes, or my hands. I just have to pray they are still there and that I can still use them to flop in the water.

At least the fire on me has gone out

Once again I come out of the water, and this time I take a huge gasp of oxygen. It was beautiful. Bobbing at the surface, I can now see a shoreline, just a few meters away. It will be a good time to check out all my injures. My shoulders and legs aren't moving properly, my face feels really weird and long, my short hair is getting in my eyes (illogical) and I feel...I'm not sure, hunched over? My legs and spine seem to be at different angles. Maybe the fall was worse than I thought.

I once again begin my pitiful flailing in some hope of moving forward to the bank. I must be doing something right as it is slowly getting closer to me.

I grab the edge, trying to dig my fingers into the soft dirt in order to pull me up on to dry land. Instead my hand just slides back straight into the water. I try again and look down to see no fingers, or hand....

Deep breaths, now is not the time for fear. That comes later. For now, I will simply attempt to survive this dream/afterlife/hallucination scenario.

This time I give a big push with my legs downwards and slam both my 'arms' down onto bank in order to drag myself out of the freezing water. Finally managing to get some sort of grip I heave and kick wildly, sending splashes of water out behind me as I use all my might to get out.

Something gives and I send myself flying forwards onto the blessed dry land. I lie there panting while I recover from my near death experience. It is an interesting phenomenon, with the rush of adrenaline and the will of the body to survive. However I am in no mood to repeat it, ever again.

Dreading the moment I do think it's time to see what has happened to my body. I open my eyes, blinking away water droplets that had settled around the lids. Despite the fact I am lying on my back, my arms and legs are stuck up into air above me, which is usually rather uncomfortable with the strain of keeping the limbs in the air I found my self at peace, as if it was natural to have them sticking up like that.

I looked down and realised why.

So I am in hell

In short terms where my legs previously were I now had the common legs of a horse, or pony to be more precise by the measurements. Truly Satan is craftier than I gave him credit for. Who would of expected an eternal punishment of being reduced to a measly pony. We probably had to give lifts to the people who ascended to heaven too, oh the humiliation.
Well, at least now I can rule out the theory of somehow surviving the teleporter, and was just waking up after dreaming about falling from space.

Very well, If I am to be a pony, then I must first learn to move.

If I'm honest with myself, I am taking this very well. Most people would have freaked out over being magically turned into another form of being. But I am logical, there is no useful point in freaking out and so I will simply cope with the problem at hand. The problem right now, is that I have no idea how to move

First task: getting off my back

Method: The tortoise

Slowly swinging my legs from side to side I tip over on my right side. I twitch my muscles one by one, trying to get a feel for this body. There does seem to be some sort of way in which my legs want to move. Lifting my front 'legs', shudder, I put my two front 'hooves' on the ground and push up.

As the front of my body moves into the air I push down with back feet, ah, hooves, and get up.

Okay, I'm up, even if a little shaky. I must admit, it does come naturally.

I take a step forwards and immediately face plant into the ground.

Okay so maybe not that naturally. At least I have plenty of time to stay calm, and slowly learn to

GRAWWWWWWWWWWW

Dammit.

I look up from the ground to see the first of Hell's creatures, and this is final proof I'm in Hell.

A twisted fusion of lion, scorpion and bat, at a guess, poked its head out from the cover of the trees. Once again I got up to my feet/hooves/couldn't care less at this point, ready to face the danger. It glares at me with two beady eyes, bordering on intelligent...to a degree. Rough fur covers its body, alas not covering the claws on its paws which he is about to use to skewer me. I eye the tail closely, a predator with a tail like that would use it as it's main method of killing the prey without wasting meat or blood cutting me up. So likely fast acting poison, or at least partial paralysing. It's two wings are out behind it, but it has no use flying here, I'm on the ground and vulnerable.

Concentrate, read it. Predict its movements.

As it nears I calculate all of it. Going fast, knock me over, then eat me. But there's more to it. Its body is largely relaxed, expecting little resistance. There. Muscles contracting near the tail. He intends to sting me and then knock me down while I suffer the poisons effects. Well, not today.

I perform brilliant calculations in a second and hop ever so slightly left, dodging the predicted tails path as it slams into the earth beside me. As soon as I can I wrap all limbs around the tail as he runs past me and towards where I was a second ago.

He blinks as he realises it missed, not expecting such a quick reaction. Well, not reactions as such. Just a prediction of movement and acting accordingly. He lifts it's tail out of the ground and as it retracts over him with me still clung to it, somehow, I pull down sharply so I land on his back with his stinger still in hoof, hey, these horse parts are getting easier to remember. Anyway, I close my eyes for less than a second to make a rough guess as to where the heart is.

I doubt these creatures are immune to the poisons effects if it is directly injected into the bloodstream, but I cant take any chances that they may have grown an immunity to it, such as if the species males often fought each other. Evolution would force them to evolve immunity. This may be hell, but science still applies...I think.

"Fluffy!"

What the... A voice!? Gah, can't think about that know, focus on destroying the beast. Using all the force I can muster in this pathetic body I bring the tail I am still holding in one hand crashing down into its back, slightly left of spine, hopefully hitting the heart, and not any bones such as the spine or the lung.

The creature shrieks beneath me and thrashes, throwing me a good distance where I nicely crash straight into a tree, nearly knocking me out there and then.

Groggily I look up from the floor to see the beast flailing around, it's tail jammed into it's back. Very unpleasant, especially for him. This is a very different version of hell than the one I imagined. Well, I expected more fire and brimstone and all that.

I stumble up before falling against the tree and smacking my head again. I've been through a portal straight to hell where I crashed into a lake from outer space and then had to fight of one of Hell's beast's straight away. Give me a break.

"YOU...YOU MONSTER! BEAST! FOUL CREATURE OF TARTARUS!!" A voice screamed angrily. The weird part was It sounded more in my direction than the monster.

"THOU DAREST TO BREATHE AFTER THIS MURDER MOST FOUL!!??"

I would have to say female, although at that volume it could be through a megaphone. As if I didn't all ready have a headache from the multiple collisions between my head and every object in this goddamn world.

Everything's blurry, not a good sign. I can barely stand up resting against a tree, still on all fours, like some sort of stupid animal. I shake my head and look up.

Something is right in front of me, but for the life I don't have I couldn't tell you what. All I know is that it was a dark silhouette against the light of the moon

"WHO-

The sheer pressure and wind behind that voice pushes me backwards a step or two. I lose my precious hold on the tree and I stand alone and can't think straight at all. It's like a dark fog clouding my head, requiring all my concentration just to stand up.

-ART-

I stumble a few more steps this time and my hair whips backwards in the wind. I can feel the skin around my teeth being pulled back in a twisted grin. What happens next, well, I believe my aggressor took that as me smiling in defiance of her

-THOU!!!????!"

This time, I actually fall over backwards from the hurricane voice to where I clonk into a tree head first and a spike of pain shoots through my head, killing my movements and forcing me to collapse to the ground as darkness rushes in. My eyelids droop down and my brain prepares for unconscious. I hate this place already.

Proving yourself

I charge at the door and slam into it hard, hissing at the pain in my shoulder. A window nearby shatters, fire and glass spraying out of my room. I narrow my eyes and kick the door as hard as I can, aiming just next to the lock. The door crashes outwards and a huge rush of heat blasts inward, pushing me backwards and forcing me to cover my face from the heat.

"............." Someone shouts at me. I stop for a second, what did they say? No time, I have to get out now.

I rip off the sleeve to my lab coat and wrap it around my mouth to protect me from the smoke, no time to wet it for maximum efficiency. I run out of my room, bright crimson flaring on all sides. The fire dances in ecstasy as it consumes the house, belching huge clouds of black smoke, chocking the life out of any foolish creature to enter it's domain, namely me.

"...........!!!" Another shout

I charge through the flames, ignoring the huge increase in heat and the smell of burning fabric and even skin. I come out to find the top of the stairs. I remove the burnt bit of cloth from my face and vomit to one side because of all the smoke. I collapse to the floor and take heaving gasps of air close to the floor where the air is clearer.

"............" Gah! A whisper, right in my ear, but where? No one's there.

Have, to get down, the stairs

One step at a time. Dammit, too much smoke, not enough, oxygen. Visions fading, must, carry, on

No taste except burning. No feeling except pain. No smell except fire. No hearing except screams. Who's screaming?

Oh wait, its me.

I scramble on the oak floor, desperately clawing my way forwards. Nails chipping and ripping as I scratch the surface of the floor in my frantic attempts to move forwards

"............." There it is again that voice. What voice? Did I hear something? No, it was nothing, just the fire.

I cant breathe, darkness is corrupting my vision. Pain has my head in a vice, forcing me to submit.

I suck in air and glare outwards. I thought I had banished that nightmare. Must be Hell affecting my mind.

Lets see, situation evaluation

A small room, made from grey bricks. Dusty too, hasn't been used in a long time, if ever. A small hole is near the top of the room and lets in a few rays of sunshine, or hell fire. At the other end of the room are twelve vertical metal bars, with no signs of a door or opening. How did they get me in here then? Bah, this world is bad for my sense of logic.

There is a corridor beyond the bars of metal, iron or steel at first look., with a small flaming torch set onto the wall. This is more as I expected Hell. Trapped in a prison, waiting for my torture session to begin.

A small clink. I look down and IGNORE MY TOTALLY NORMAL BODY WHICH I AM NOT FOCUSING ON RIGHT NOW OH MOTHER OF GOD, because I am also looking at the chains. I flex slightly and feel resistance. No way I can break these with brute force. But there is a lock, and locks can be picked. If I had some small piece of metal, like a paper clip or even hair clip.

Dammit, nothing. What about pockets?

I'm naked

...

WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES!!!!???

Well I suppose they would do anything to psychological break someone, for example removing someones clothes to make them feel vulnerable.

I'm still a horse as well. Four legs, all coloured a rather unflattering dark blue. Hooves at the bottom, so shoes aren't needed at least. Lengths would suggest pony but still, something seems off. I can still see some brown hair poking down into my vision, despite the fact I keep it short and well trimmed. Or 'mane' as I suppose it is now. I also have a tail, a rather different experience, but not unpleasant. I can see my nose and mouth, or snout, sticking out of my face. All in all, as far as I can see, I appear to be just any old blue pony.

Wait, whats that. Clinking? Must be the demons on their way to bring me for torture. Well bring it on.

I'm lying of course, I really, really, really don't want to be tortured. It doesn't sound like fun.

And apparently demons are ponies as well, go figure. Well, at least this one looks more like a horse, a large navy blue horse with wings and a horn. And a crown. And a amulet. And sparkly shoes. Did I mention the crown?

At a guess I would say 'she'. Dark blue, with what appears to be the milky way for a mane and tail. She also has a black crown, onyx most likely. She's also wearing a onyx amulet with the image of a crescent moon on it, which is very similar to the image of a moon in the night sky on the side of her 'butt', or flank as I suppose it is in horse terms.

Oh, did I forget to mention? She looks pissed.

This can not end well.

"Thou art to come with us. Our sister has deemed imminent banishment too...brash."

Huh, so she's the one from last night. Also, it's a talking horse.

It's a talking horse, speaking in ye old english, in third person.

"Of course, I'll get right on that." I say with a flat look. She rolled her eyes and suddenly started glowing, or more accurately, her horn. A dark aura surrounded this unusual body part and a small beam of it shot out from it, striking the prison bars.

At once the bars glow a dark blue and split in half, six moving to the left side and six to the right. I was suitably panicking.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?!" I scream pointing at her with finger.....hoof

She raised one eyebrow "What?"

I took a shuddering breath. "Please, in the name of all that is good and wonderful, tell me that was a holographic sensory activated by the presence of your horn and NOT what I think this insane world is trying to tell me."

She blinked a few times. "No, that was magic"

"THE HELL DID I JUST SAY?" I shout

"CEASE ALL THIS YELLING OR WE SHALL BE FORCED TO SUBDUE THOU!" She shouted back, at an impressive loudness. Regardless, I did not take the hint

"YOU DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO YOU OVERGROWN TALKING HORSE!!" I yelled. I put up one hoof as high as I could and gave her the best I could manage of the finger

So, apparently waving your hoof in that manner still translates as something rude here. And she took it better than I expected. In hindsight it probably wasn't a good idea to piss off the jail keeper, or queen, or whatever the hell she is. At least now I get a good look at the palace wrapped up in several layers of chains, upside down and being dragged along the floor behind her.

And this is a hell of a palace. Complete opposite as to what I would expect from her. I am of course assuming she's the queen, or princess as she did mention a sister. There are golden banners hanging down the wall depicting a radiant sun of very high cloth standard, glass windows showing ponies, strangely without wings or horn or only have one of either. No torches up here, plenty of sunlight coming in through the windows. I could swear the walls are made of pure marble with pillars of gold holding up the ceiling

Seeing this beautiful golden castle, I can now confirm that there is 70% less chance I am in hell, and a rise in 34.5% chance that I am now in heaven, as unlikely that may sound.

"We art here." She whispered softly, must have calmed down a lot, dragging me up all those flights of stairs and along the floor up to the huge gem embedded golden doors in front of me.

Using her magic (yes I am over it...for now) She surrounded the two handles of the door in the same azure aura and then they started to move open on their own.

She moved confidently forward, still dragging me behind (this pony body is more resilient than I expected) through the doors and into quite possibly the most magnificent room I have ever seen, or at least I would have if a pinkish barrier hadn't appeared that gave me a massive shock and sent me flying back out of the magical grip

At once, the blue horse stormed backwards and glared down at me.

"Sorry?" I tried

Once again her horn glowed, but this time a bolt of electricity came out and burnt off the tip of my tail. It also stung.

"What was that for?" I stare up angrily

"Not a changeling then?" A voice came out, and what a voice. It spoke of kindness, sunshine and warmth. I immediately disliked her.

"It would appear not." So sayeth the horse of dark blue

"Very well, bring him in. We shall see why the barrier refuses him." Goes that voice of a goddess.

The blue horse nodded and once again used that blue aura magic to drag me inside, this time with my own special hole in the field.

Okay, so this is the throne room. The give away is the two thrones. And guess what...more horses! Well, one big white and rainbowy hair. I'm not joking, it's like sunrise and spring all mixed into floating hair. She also had a picture of the sun on her flank as well. Maybe they are tattoo's meant to symbolize ones place in society?

"Well then Luna, who is this little pony" She asked looking towards big blue

two things went through my mind.

So the blue horses name is Luna, must be play on lunar and the moon.
'little pony'???

I coughed to bring her attention to me "Excuse me but isn't it a little degrading to refer to me as 'little' simply because you're bigger than me?"

She raised one eyebrow "It is not meant to be degrading, more affectionate. I treat everypony more like family than subjects. Yet I have never heard a complaint about it before, which leads me to conclude you're not from Equestria"

I snort "Equestria, that's a terrible pun. Anyway, no, I am not from around here. And I am not sure if you would believe me if I told you."

She shifted slightly, uncomfortable "The bad lands?" She asked, hopeful to be wrong

I shook my head "No not the bad lands, from the best I can tell this is an alternate dimension."

She blinked once. Twice.

I sighed "Yes I realise how ridiculous that sounds but it is true"

She gave a small smile "And what is life like in this dimension, am I the same, how about Luna, ohh, what about Twilight?"

I stared at her blankly "Ummm no, you don't exist, neither does Luna or this 'Twilight'. Also no one is a talking horse."

And now it was her turn to stare at me "Well, that's quite the story, but you are in fact right now a pony and there is no evidence to prove you are telling the truth."

I tapped my chin against the floor "At any rate could you please let me out of these chains"

The white horse nodded her head "Very well" Her horn began glowing gold and a similar aura formed around the chains, slowly unwrapping themselves from around me. I twisted my head to the left until a satisfying pop sounded out. Bad habit, I know.

"Well, I suppose we should make introductions. You first as you are clearly highest in command here." I spoke with half my face still pressed to the floor

"Since you insist, I am Princess Celestia, goddess of the sun and co ruler of Equestria. And you?"

"I lied, you don't need to know me." I chuckled

I saw her eyes narrow by a fraction "Are you going to remain on the floor or are you going to grace us with a bow."

I sighed "On principle, as I scientist I detest the idea of a goddess or a perfect being. There is always room for improvement, changes can, and always must be made. How disgustingly boring a life a perfect order must be. Regardless, the point is that I have no idea how to stand up."

Celestia raised one eyebrow "I beg your pardon?"

Rolling my eyes I explained "I have only just come into this world last night and have gone through an entire metamorphosis into this body. I was subsequently knocked on the head several times, fought a ferocious beast and then was banged on the head by a tree after meeting what was presumably Luna over there."

The pony in question gave me a small kick "That beast you speak of was our pet Fluffy."

"Details details, the point is I'm going to need a few seconds to learn how to control an entire new form."

I then did my best to stand up. I won't bother with all the exact details, but needless to say the two horses had a very amusing time of it.

I shook off the dust I had collected from my experience on the floor. "Sooo, what now?"

"A name?" Celestia asked

I thought for a moment, these ponies obviously have weird names, relating to what they do, for example, Luna. Or Twilight. I can choose any name I want. "You may call me...Doctor Stein, Franken Stein in full."

"Very well, Dr Stein, what do you intend to do now, no doubt you intend to 'go back to your old dimension'?"

I scoffed "Nothing of the sort. I am going to give you the best deal to ever happen to you. I am going to become your chief scientist. In exchange for your biggest lab and the freedom to perform all sorts of experiments, I will offer my great services as the greatest mind to quite possibly ever exist here. Besides, it would take years to re-develop the technology to take me back, time I could spend studying this new world instead."

A few moments passed in silence. A few more. Close to a minute now.

Celestia finally decided to break the silence "Are you being serious?"

I nodded "Of course. I am a genius and I am giving you the opportunity to acquire my talents before I decide instead to simply work for my own goals."

Luna sounded out behind me "How can we trust you!? Your first act was to brutally murder our pet!"

I sighed "One, I had just arrived in this world to face what looked like a monster, I thought I was in hell. B, he tried to kill me first"

Luna shifted, uncomfortable "He was only playing"

"Which might be great for you, but for me, it looked dangerous, so I killed him out of self defense."

Celestia held up a hoof, ready to speak. "If you are the great scientist you claim to be, then we will first give you a test."

"Understandable, so what is this test." I say

She looks out of the window "Do you understand magic to a great degree?"

I tapped a hoof to my chin "No, not in the slightest, where I come from there is no magic."

"Even though you're a unicorn?"

I froze for a second "I'm a what?"

"A unicorn"

"Are you sure"?

Luna rolled her eyes "Yes, the horn on thy head is as clear as the moon in the sky."

I couldn't help a grin spread across my face "Excellent, this shall make the study of magic much easier. Everyone in the world is an experimental test subject, including myself"

"Unicorn magic is not the only magic in existence here" Celestia replied.

"Fascinating, do explain." I pushed eagerly

"I have little time to explain it now, but it is clear you cannot help me with this problem then, therefore another test is needed. Luna, do you have any suggestions for Stein?" Celestia asked Luna

Luna grinned "Why yes, we do believe we could come up with a suitable test for his intellect"

She turned away and started walking until she reached the door "Well, art thou coming?" She called after me. I looked to Celestia who smiled reassuringly and motioned forwards with a wing. I groaned inwardly and stumbled after Luna.

This castle is truly amazing, and much more impressive when walking through like a normal person instead of being dragged along in chains. I inspected a stained glass window nearby. It depicted three different ponies each doing some task. One appeared to be a normal pony, orange in colour. The pony in question was farming at the land, and had a large sack of crops to one side. The next pony was winged and up in the sky, coloured a deep purple, a Pegasus I guess? Interestingly enough she seemed to be holding the clouds back with her bare hooves, allowing the sun to shine down on the land below. This universe obviously works on a different set of laws and logic. And then, to the right of those sat a unicorn, with a quill pen nearby which was caught up in a colour the same as the unicorns fur, a soft gold. It would appear they are they intellectual side of this society. It was surprising how much information you could get of a society from a single image.

Luna spoke from the other end of the corridor "We art waiting."

I rolled my eyes and complied, going after here as fast as I could. We wandered the corridors for hours. I could have sworn we were lost but Luna seemed sure of where we were going. She never hesitated in making a decision. About twenty minutes of awkward silence I decided to try it

"Um...Luna, that window looks familiar."

"Yes, it does." She said through gritted teeth

"..."

"We're lost aren't we?"

"...Yes"

"Ahh." I thought for a few minutes. "Can't we ask a guard?"

Underneath her coat, I could see her start to turn a slight red around the cheeks "We could, but we, as in-" She pointed at herself "-are supposed to be a Princess, one of the rulers of Equestria. We should know our way around the castle by now."

"Fine" I whispered. "What are we looking for?"

Luna looked around at some of the guards in front of the doors "Room 006, patient 006 if that doesn't work"

"Be back in a second."

I wandered off around the corner, out of Luna's sight. I turned towards a guard standing, well, guard beside a door. Looks like a Pegasus, green fur and wearing golden armor with a spear held in one hoof.

"Excuse me, could you give me some directions." I asked

He ignored me and continued staring into a space somewhere behind me. I waved a hand, hoof, in front of his face. "Anyone there."

Still nothing. Just like the guards in front of Buckingham Palace.

"I'm here on behalf of Luna?" I tried

He blinked "And who are you?" He had a very deep gravelly voice that spoke of brawn and little intellect.

I smiled "I am Dr Stein, the new master scientist here. I'm looking for room 006, and patient of said number."

The guard nodded slowly "Sounds about right, getting the new scientist to take a look at her. Very well, go left from here then take a right, followed by a left, another left, three rights, a left, straight ahead, and sixth door along the corridor. Got all that?"

I nodded "Yes, well see you soon...?"

"Thunder Shield, Sir."

"Yes, Thunder Shield, good job, keep it up." I threw back as I walked away. What a ridiculous name.

I turned around the corridor and waved for Luna to follow me.

Following his directions we soon came upon a door with two guards, one with a hammer across his back and another with two spears. The one on the left, with the hammer, had the same golden armor all guards wore, except it seemed to be thicker, no doubt built for strength rather than any sort of agility. A brown horse with serious green eyes and a large, heavy, metal hammer. The other was his polar opposite. The difference in snout and body elegance seems to indicate this one is female. Very light plating, with more leather used to provide high mobility. The two spears seemed to indicate quick darts of movement instead of the heavy hits of her partner. No doubt together they made the perfect team for dealing with any problems. She had light grey fur and dark blue eyes, filled with anger. Someone had screwed with her recently, in a bad way. I could give you full psychology report on the both of them, but that would distract me from the talking

Luna stood tall and looked down on them "We wish to enter, this pony claims to be a scientist, we shall see if that holds true."

"I'm not a pony, I'm a human, I may look like one, but I'm not." I mumbled while the grey pony spoke to Luna

"Are you sure, many doctors have tried and failed, what makes you think this one will have more success?" She sounds touchy, there is a 87% she is closely related to the patient inside, either through blood or friendship. That would explain the body signs.

Luna glanced down at me "We shall see."

The two guards nodded and moved to each side.

Oh thank God, technology. If it was only in the form of an IV drip and heart monitor. There was still hope for this world left.

Lets see, situation evaluation. There is a pony lying in the single green bed. Grey fur, guess relation theory was right earlier, with light blue hair rolling down the sides of her body. On the desk sat many cards, all get better soon. Hmm, by the residue dust, they've been here a while. That means a long term suffering patient. However, the flowers are fresh, guess the pony from outside is supplying new ones. I listen, there is a faint breathing coming from here, instinctual, not deliberate so asleep, or in a coma as the case seems to be.

"How did this happen?" I ask, eyes now closed

Luna spoke beside me "She was in the Everfree forest and came running out into a nearby settlement. The last thing she was shouting about was that something stung her. She fell asleep there and has not woken up for 8 months. We know not what creature stung her, nor of any cure to this. The only clue is a blue spot on her neck where we presume she was stung."

I nodded and opened my eyes and walked over to her. Her eyes were closed and she breathed shallowly. The only noise was a faint drip of the IV and a regular bleep of the heart monitor. I pressed gently against her neck with one hoof, these hooves were very soft and acted more like skin, even though they were hard and good for walling on. There were faint lines running everywhere, too many to count. Not veins or capillaries, but what else.

As unlikely as it sounds, I believe those are her nerves. Which is impossible, as they should be too small to feel, and yet here they are. I ran my hoof over her collarbone and slightly down her body. The same everywhere. I can feel the nerves running all over her body, as if they wrapped up in something. Maybe whatever it was is suppressing her entire body and creating the paralysis. I opened her mouth. Herbivore teeth, seem normal, and a tongue. I pull it out slightly and press my hoof against it. the same lines. I can feel Luna staring at me oddly from behind. Once again checking the neck I moved closer towards the blue spot on the back of her neck. Here the lines were strongest and thickest. Obviously the poison entered here and spread, using the blood stream, and began to freeze up her nerves, and yet it has not killed here. Must be meant to only paralyse then.

I turn around to see Luna has been joined by the two guards and are staring intently at me. I give a small wave and the grey one glares back. Well then, back to work.

I open up one of her eye lids. Her light blue eyes stare out at nothing, small sickly green lines criss-cross the surface. So this is paralysed too. Wait, a flicker. For a second her iris moved, just a fraction. There, again. She's reacted to something, but what.

The heart monitor! She's reacting to the beep of the monitor. That means something is still working. And if I can use that I should be able to shock the whole system, a good shock should break the hold over the nerves and restore her.

I turn back towards the guards "Has a lot of noise been made around her recently?"

The grey one pauses for a bit which the brown one fills "No, the only noise has been the daily check up, which is usually done in silence by the doctor."

Excellent, that means she will be vulnerable as she hasn't experienced a loud noise for a while.

This had better work.

I try murmuring in her ear and, still holding an eyelid open see her iris quiver slightly.

A flash a grin at the three confused ponies.

"BOO!" I scream into her ear

Her eyes open and she sits up screaming "GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

The two guards start screaming at the movement "WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

Luna starts screaming at the loud noise, from me, the patient and the guards "EEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!"

"SHUT UP!" I shout and it soon settles down into quiet.

"W..Where am I" She finally asks

I shook my head "Why do you ask 'where', when the much more delicious question is 'how'. As in 'how am I alive/awake right now?'. The answer of course, is me." I give a little bow

The grey pony earlier shoves my out of the way and rushes towards the patients side. "Oh thank Celestia and Luna, you're all right now Amber" She smothers, or I suppose hugs, the other pony, tears of joy leaking down her face. The one in the bed, or I suppose Amber, is still bewildered but hugs back strongly.

I look back to see genuine joy on both Luna's and the guards faces. There isn't even a trace of annoyance in Luna's face about me completing the challenge so easily. She is just happy to see her subjects happy.

The brown one stands in front of me, looking down on me due to his strong build. "My name is Solid Oak, if you ever need anypony to help you for any reason, consider me in your debt. That was my wife's sister you just saved."

Woah, that was..unexpected. I now have a pony in debt to me. And a strong guard at that.

He smiled. "I don't think we have been introduced properly. That over there is my wife, Dart, and her sister, Amber Glass."

I flashed back a quick smile "I am Dr Stein, soon to be head of research, science and adviser to the Princesses. They may not accept all my advice straight away, but they will come around, eventually."

He roared with laughter "With skills like yours, I don't see how they could possibly refuse"

The grey pony comes over towards me, sniffling slightly "Thank you so much, I had lost all hope in Amber ever getting better. I am also forever in your debt."

I scratched the back of my head awkwardly "It's nothing, I was just told this was a test, I didn't realise it would be this important to anyone"

Dart snorted "Well I can tell you it means a lot to me, and my husband Solid. We will not forget this."

Dart turned back to Solid Oak and together they both went back to Amber's side. I should be swelling up with feelings of pride and so on and so forth but all I could think about is the type of creature that could do that. I clearly made the right choice in deciding to stay here and study this world. I can't wait to dissect all the wonderful animals this world offers!

Luna walked towards me after those two had left. "Well, it does seem you have some skill, as you claim-" I snorted "-However, we still don't completely trust you, it is never a ponies instinct to kill an attacking creature, always to run. Only a monster would think otherwise"

I grinned "Maybe so, but I am the damn best at my job so you're going to have to put up with my...eccentrics for now."

Luna nodded, almost respectfully. "Very well, we shall run a trial period then, and see how you can be of use"

I twisted my head left until it cracked "Excellent, but first, I'm going to need to understand this world better. the quickest and easiest way is if I could meet and judge some of the different types of pony

A thought crossed Luna's mind, I could see it in her eyes "I've just had a perfect thought. This would be an excellent time for you to meet Twilight and her friends, she can teach you all about the different kinds of ponies and about the strongest force in Equestria!"

"Really!" I cried out, enthusiastically "And what is that?"

Luna looked down at me "Friendship"

"You have got to be kidding me..."

Author's Note

I apologise massively for the horrendous wait. There was a long period of writers block, then a lot of work, then Bioshock (which is amazing). Some of you may not have noticed, but I am changing him to be less evil. I also altered the previous chapter a bit as well. He is modeled on all sorts of scientists, such as Mad Father, and in this chapter, heavily on Dr Stein from Soul Eater. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed regardless of the long wait.

The waiting game

It took us another forty minutes to get back to the throne room and three guards giving directions.

Finally, we found ourselves in front of the huge golden doors to the throne room. Luna used her magic to pull on the two handles and open the doors. Inside Celestia sat on her throne holding a stack of papers in a golden aura. Luna entered first and I followed just behind, until once again the pink barrier flared up and I was sent flying backwards head over heels.

I stopped when I collided with the wall "Goddammit, turn that thing off!" I shouted

Luna walked back towards me. She looked down on me for a second before firing off a small bolt of lightning which hit me right on the nose.

I whirled backwards, hooves flying in front of my face "And stop that as well. I'm not a damn changeling or whatever you accuse me of!"

Luna snorted and walked back towards the room. This time leaving a small gap in the shield in her wake. I carefully stepped through afterwards, still nursing my stinging nose.

Celestia sighed. "Could you two please stop fighting. Now Luna, what was the test you asked of him?"

Luna shifted awkwardly "Um, we had him look at patient 006, Amber Glass."

Celestia shook her head slightly "Not a very fair test then. It's alright Stein, I'll think of another way to test your science skills."

Luna muttered to one side before answering, resigned "Actually, he passed, exceptionally well."

Celestia blinked a few times "He passed?"

"Yes, he cured her, after five minutes."

Celestia smiled warmly at me "Well, I thank you Stein, we had no idea how to cure her and had begun to run out of hope."

"It was nothing really. If it pleases you, I am eager to begin work on studying this world and how it differs from my own. I would like to first examine the three different races of ponies that have been mentioned." I replied

Luna coughed "I do believe Twilight and her friends would be best suited for this. If he is new to this world, then wouldn't it do him to well to learn of the magic of friendship"

What?! "You were being serious!?" I took a step backwards

"What is going on here Luna?"

Luna sighed "He doesn't believe friends can have any special benefit and the idea of them actually forming power is beyond ridiculous. His words, not ours of course."

Celestia smiled that same damn warm smile of hers "Of course. You sound like Twilight before she discovered the power of friendship."

I groaned "Can't I just analyse their biological make up instead?"

"In this world society is based on the six elements of friendship, you would do well to learn them. I will ask them to come at their earliest convenience. In the meantime you may wait in the private meeting room. it would probably be best if you met them one or two at a time."

"Very well, as you command, your majesty." Along with a sarcastic bow

Celestia frowned slightly "Guard, please escort Mr Stein to the meeting room."

A guard in golden armor came up beside me "Very well Princess." He turned and started walking towards the door.

"One more thing before I leave. Do you have my lab coat?" I half glared at the two horses.

Celestia had a good poker face, I'll giver her that. It would take someone like me to spot that tiny eye movement that betrayed her true opinion on the lab coat. "Of course, here it is." Her horn started glowing the colour of the sun and a few seconds later my lab coat came flying out in an aura of the same golden glow. It hovered over me for a second before dropping down.

"Ahh that's better, I felt naked without it. Well, I was naked, but I felt naked. It makes sense" I demanded. How convenient, this coat still fits me perfectly, but I have to put my front legs into the sleeves. I reach into a pocket and pull out a scalpel, and not just any scalpel, my favorite one, for dissections. The handle is of perfect steel, unblemished and criss-crossed lightly for extra grip. The blade itself is like a shard of moonlight, glinting and shockingly sharp. Also I was holding it, in a flat hoof.

"How am I doing this?" I say with a frown to Celestia.

She let out a controlled smile "All ponies posses their own unique magic, one that is common among all of them is the ability to pick up objects as such. We're not sure precisely how it works, but some scientists believe it's something to do with a magnetic field. Even though it works on non metal items as well"

I stroke a hoof to my chin (it helps me concentrate) "Possibly, if it created a strong enough field it may be able to hold the electrons of the atoms allowing you effectively to pick up any type of object..."

Celestia is eyeing my closely, guess this is what she was concerned about. Regardless, her feelings on the matter don't in fact, matter.

I turn and followed the guard to the door. He opened it with his own brand of orange magic. Which reminds me, I do need to learn about my own magic, but I suppose that's what I'm meeting a unicorn for.

He walked straight through the door while I got fried by a pink barrier.

Bored, bored, bored. How long do they expect to keep me waiting. By the sounds of it I thought this Twilight (stupid name, I pray to all the gods it isn't anything to do with the books) and her friends were nearby, like in the castle or a town nearby or something.

Right now I'm in a small room with two large red sofa's of unbelievable softness. The walls are painted a dark crimson with small stripes of an even darker red. A painting on the wall shows Celestia standing on a cliff dramatically, with the sun rising behind her and hair flapping in the the wind and all that typical nonsense. These poor stupid ponies must believe those two to be deities. Just because they're big and have wings and horn doesn't mean they're goddesses. The strange thing is, out of all the images I have seen in this castle, there are almost non of Luna. The few windows or paintings that do show her are all relatively new, less than a few years. And then there is 'Nightmare Moon' An Alicorn of dark blue colour that strikes a resemblance to Luna. Could the two be related? Possibly. But how? I'll need more information before I can come up with a proper logical answer.

This does still leave me with the case of being bored. I look the left of the sofa I'm on and see a nice red lamp on a small wooden table. There's another one on a table to the right of the sofa opposite.

I have a brilliant plan. Well, all my plans are brilliant, but I digress.

I reach over and pull the lamp down onto the sofa. Using my completely illogical holding power I take it apart, piece by piece. With all the pieces scattered before me, I pull out a small metal ball. No doubt this had whatever inept scientists Celestia uses completely stumped. It is in fact a microphone camera. By shouting a command phrase it activates, picking up voices and complete recording of all sides in video.

If I was ever attacked or kidnapped, I can shout out useful information and it can record the attackers faces etc. It will then activate wi-fi or phone signal to a group of people on call ready to rescue me at any time. It's useless of course in this world, but I can make good use of it.

Slowly taking it apart I set to work, and my beloved friend, science.

Roughly half an hour later I heard voices coming. Foolish Celestia, she shouldn't have left me alone, let alone make me wait on other people. She severely underestimates me. I look down at the device in front of my. It looks like a disfigured and horribly mutated metal spider. Inelegant,, but it will get the job done.

In essence, using the lamp for parts and to use the lead to feed it a constant power source (not electricity in the plug though, could these devices possibly run on magic? It works in the same way as electricity, this requires further study). If I position it just right, there. I just manage to get it stuck into the corner, the nine legs (I know I described it as a spider, but more legs equal more grip) all stuck firmly into the wall. It now provides full surveillance of the room as well as sound.

If this is the royal meeting room, then no doubt all kinds of important guest come here. And with this footage I can collect later, a little black mail can always come in handy, especially of people in high power (does this world have Lords? or Sirs? What counts as important here?). Just as I am jumping onto that sofa (My God how much I want to sleep on it) A pony enters the room

She is a pale mulberry (purple) with violet eyes and her hair (mane, whatever, who cares?) was moderate sapphire blue with moderate violet and brilliant rose streaks, or purple, purple and pink. On her head sat the typical twisted purple horn of a unicorn. On her flank was a light purple/dark pink star with small white stars surrounding it, with another in the background behind the main star.

And on her back was...was...

Twilight and Applejack

A rather unusual purple lizard.

I stared at it, and it looked away uncomfortably. So it has some form of intelligence. This must be the first of the fascinating creatures on this world. It was sitting on the ponies back like a normal person, with two stumpy legs resting on each side of her back. It had purple scales, with a light greenish scaled belly running down its front. Its eyes were slitted like a cats and emerald in colour. It had a row of spines, or spikes along the top of it's head which presumably ran down its back to its presumed tail, along with two others over, or instead of ears.

He leaned down and whispered into the ponies ear "Uh, Twilight? He's kinda creeping me out..." Glancing up at me with a worried frown.

I narrowed my eyes "Fascinating, so it can talk?" I tilted my head side ways slightly.

The pony, or I expect Twilight (still a stupid name for a stupid pony), glared at me "He is not an It. He is my number one assistant, Spike" I can practically feel the pride radiating off of him, someone has easily stroked ego.

"What an original name for your pet lizard." I yawned

This time Spike mustered his courage "I'm not a lizard, i'm a dragon!"

Now this, is getting interesting. I rush up straight to him, about 2.6cm distance between our eyes. "A dragon you say. Now that is good. Can you prove it, do you breathe fire, can you fly, does your heart contain mystical properties in an alchemy formula?"

Spike had gone into shock, so I turned to Twilight instead

"Can I dissect him?"

Twilight slaps away the hoof I was reaching towards Spike with "Ha Ha, very funny. Spike, maybe it would be best if you just wait outside."

Spike blinked four times before moving "Yeah, sure Twi, whatever you say." He slowly got down from her back and walked out the door, staring straight ahead the entire time. I don't think Twilight say the murderous intent in my eyes, but he sure did.

"Anyway...I'm Twilight Sparkle, Personal student to Princess Celestia and librarian of Ponyville" She sounded off proudly

I twitched "Did you just say...a place named Ponyville? There is an actual settlement called Ponyville?"

She took a step back "Um...yes?"

Okay deep breath.

"For the sake of my sanity, I am going to ignore that last sentence. So, who are you?" I say, very calmly

She grinned awkwardly "I'm...Twilight Sparkle, personal student to Princess Celestia and..."

"And?"

"And nothing?"

"Good" I nod relieved. "So, you are one of the fabled elements of harmony then?"

She perked back up "Oh yes, I am the element of magic. I represent the magic of two ponies becoming friends and the power of the bond between them. Are you even listening?"

I shook my head "No, I was interested when you said magic, then quickly got bored." I say matter of factly.

She frowned "You shouldn't just disregard something as beautiful and powerful as friendship"

"I can and I will"

She started to sigh, but stopped. "Oh I know how you feel, I felt the same for a while, and trust me, you wont be able to resist friendship forever" And a sinister knowing smile formed

I started singing "Wrong wrong wrong wrong, wrong wrong wrong wrong, you're wrong, you're wrong, you're wronggggggg."

I do a neat little spin and jump onto the sofa relaxing. "Now, tell me more about this magic. Not friendship, genuine magic with the horn."

"I was ordered by Princess Celestia to not instruct you on magic until after you had met all my friends and only then if I judged you to be safe to learn it." She said confidently.

"How incredibly boring. Fine, lets just get it over with. Bring your first 'friend' in then" I yawned

She glared at me slightly, before turning and leaving through the door. I waited until she was gone before taking a quick look at my spider. He was still there, nestled into the dark corner, a small orange glow fading in and out. I gave it a small wave before turning to meet the first of her friends.

I can not begin to describe how much this is going to suck.

Oh my God.

The pony is wearing a cowboy hat.

Oh God why?

"Good ta meet ya Mr Stein. My name is Applejack!" She announces, with a tip of the hat of that stenson

Orange fur, blonde hair, green eyes, freckles, three apples tattoo. You get the idea.

Lets see. How can I get rid of her as quickly as possible.

"So you must be the redneck of the group?" I ask casually

Her eyes narrow and she glares at me "Beg yer pardon?" She says, voice dripping with controlled anger.

"Oh I was just saying you must be a country bumpkin with that 'Ackcent'" I say mockingly. That should be enough to get her to leave me alone

Applejack left the room and Twilight came back inside. At least I think she did. It's hard to tell when your head has literally caved into the wall.

"Stein? What happened here!?" She shouts, horrified.

As hard as it was, I managed to laugh into the wall "Oh I like her!"

"Well, Applejack doesn't seem to like you much..." Twilight says nervously

I put two hooves to the wall and try to push my head out of the hole it's made "That's exactly my point! She's so brutally honest! Only two people have had the guts to hit me before, my second boss and my first ex. Most suck up my insults and try to ignore them, or more often, run crying. But not Applejack! No! She's honest enough to make it clear she isn't putting up with my usual bullshit."

With a comical pop my head leaves the wall and I'm left with dizzy before shaking my head and focusing on Twilight's confused look.

"But what exactly happened?" She asked pointedly

"I insulted her to get rid of her and she bucked my head into the wall. Now bring in another!" I cry

Twilight looked at me as if I was insane, which was normal, and backed away slowly and out of the room. I do hope all of her friends are like that, although I doubt it. Also she's unlikely to let me talk to them alone and will insist on being in the same room.

I walk back over to the sofa and take my seat, I wonder what this next pony will be like?

Instead Twilight walks in with a very grumpy Applejack. "Now apologise Stein!" She demands

I cough "First of all it's Dr. I didn't spend five weeks learning medicine to be called Mr."

Twilight growled, which I didn't realise a pony could do "Fine, 'Dr' Stein. Say sorry to Applejack. It's not fair to be cruel just because you're bored." I sigh, she's serious about this. I suppose I probably did cross a line with Applejack.

"Very well. I am sorry for the rude comments I made towards you and I ask your forgiveness." I say through gritted teeth, On the other hand Applejack brightens up immediately and nods happily

"Glad ta hear it. I forgive you. Just don't try that again" She squints and me quickly before smiling again. So, quick to anger, quick to forgive? Or is everyone here just incredibly nice and I'm just a huge jackass? Very likely.

"Now that's out of the way. I realise that I had a few questions to ask. Do you mind?"

She shakes her head "Nah, no problem to talk about my element of friendship!"

I stare at her deadpanned "Yeah, I couldn't care less about that. I was talking about understanding ponies in general. Such as the fact I believe Celestia said something about each of the types of ponies having their own magic?"

She wanted to talk about her element. However she also looked excited to talk about her magic as well. I guess in a world like this you don't get to talk about your personal talents as much as you want.

"If you insist then Doc. Well, I'ma Earth Pony. We don't have the fancy wings or horns of other ponies, but we're special in our own way. You won't find any other race to be as strong or durable as us. We also have a special bond with plants. We are the best farmers of all, able to grow plants to be the biggest and best. This also extends to cooking, just try ma granny's apple pie!" She announces proudly

I nod and commit this all to memory. It would seem that lacking a horn and wings does not hinder them as much in society as I thought. "Any other important information about earth ponies I should know?" I ask

She thinks for a minute before shaking her head "Nuthing comes ta mind except holding things with a flat hoof, but everypony can do that"

"Thank you very much Applejack. That was, actually, very informative."

"No problem. So, you ready to hear about Honesty yet?" She asked

"Wait? Are you telling me an element of friendship is honesty? I thought it was going to be something pathetic like kindness or laughter! Honesty is a good strong virtue I sorely lack, and that is why I am not interested in friendship. I believe lying is an important part of society and should be encouraged and celebrated rather than hated"

"That's a rather cynical view of the world" Twilight said

"Doesn't make it any less true" I countered

"If you say so..." She said doubtfully

"I do. Now Applejack, it's been wonderful meeting you blah blah blah can we move this along?" I ask irritated

"Fine, maybe ah didn't want to talk to you anyway!" Applejack huffed

"Then go"

"I will"

"You're still here?"

"I'm just leaving."

"Good"

And with that she turned and stormed out, leaving me chuckling. Twilight turned to glare at me before leaving as well

While interesting. I have absolutely no interest in making 'friends'. Twilight is just going to have to learn to live with that

Author's Note

This has taken a while to do as I'm focusing more on my other story, Discord is Bored. I can't promise I will update this as regularly as I have done, sorry.

Delays

Sorry to all the fans of this story.

I have largely been focusing on my other story 'Discord is Bored' and now 'Breaking all the rules'.

I meant to release a message explaining this earlier but forgot, sorry...

As soon as I can I may update this story, although I'm largely focusing on my new story which has my current interest

Again, sorry for being a massive pain