I am empty.
I feel the wind blow past my face.
I shiver as the rain picks up.
The moon lights my path, as my shadow begs me to reconsider.
The things I've seen, the things I've done, those I've hurt.
There is no redemption for me.
June 7~
Today's the day!
Today I leave home to join the royal guard. I've been awaiting this day for years now! I've been home from guard training for about a week, but now, it's off to be officially confirmed as a Royal Canterlot Guard. Twilight wishes me good luck every day, and I know she means it. I'm sure that mom will be crying tears of joy the entire day. Twiley might, but I know that I'll be lucky if dad so much as winces. I know he cares about me, and he's the best father I could hope for, but he's also the most stoic stallion I've ever met. Anyway, the time has come to say goodbye to my old life, and start again, better than ever!
“Come on, son. Better hurry or you'll be late!”
“Coming, dad!” Shining Armor bolted down the stairs, hugging his mother and father before dashing toward the door. “I'll see you guys at the ceremony tonight, right?”
“You can count on it.” Shining's mother replied, giving him a happy smile. His father nodded in affirmation. Shining Armor grinned contentedly, and rather anxiously, before running out the door. “Where are you going in such a hurry!?” She shouted after him. Shining Armor clumsily stuck his head back in.
“I gotta go see Twiley!” He said happily, before trotting off.
Shining Armor made his way to the Canterlot library, where Twilight spent most of her days studying as one of Celestia's personal students. Twilight was in the library re-reading Strange and Mysterious Stories, Volume 16: Magic for the sixth time. Spike was just learning to walk, and, by Twilight's command, had to make sure he stayed at least five feet away from any book at any given moment. He hadn't fully learned to control his fire yet, and Celestia wasn't too keen on receiving random books from her own library at random intervals of the day.
As Twilight buried herself in the book she was reading, Shining Armor burst in through the door and called out happily to his sister.
“Twiley!?” He shouted, and was immediately caught by the elderly librarian with a piercing 'Shhhh!' Shining Armor looked around the library confusedly, confirming that there was only himself, Twilight, and the librarian there, whom he thought he could see reading some form of erotic novel. Shining Armor repressed a shudder as he looked around for his sister, who had happily set aside her book and was trotting over toward him.
“Big brother!” Twilight said excitedly, yet as quietly as she could. “Today's the day, isn't it?”
“Yep!” Shining Armor smiled happily, “Today's the day I get sworn in as a member of the Royal Guard!”
“I can't wait, big brother, and I'm sure you can't either.” Twilight said, eliciting a content nod from her brother.
“Yeah. Listen Twiley, I really do need to thank you for putting in a good word for me with the Princess. I'm not sure I'd be where I am today if you hadn't done that.” Shining Armor scratched the back of his head as he smiled at Twilight.
“Don't say that. You're the best big brother ever, and I know you'll make the best guard ever too!” Twilight said.
“Thanks, Twiley.” Shining Armor embraced his little sister in a hug. “Hey, do you want to hang out until the ceremony later?”
“I'd love to, big brother. Really, but...” Twilight turned to look back into the library, “I have a lot of work to do here.” Her ears drooped as she turned back to Shining Armor.
“It's fine, Twiley. I'll see you at the ceremony later though, right?” Shining Armor asked.
“Definitely!” Twilight replied, smiling widely again. The two hugged before going their separate ways. Shining Armor had decided to get to the castle early, where the induction would take place.
Shining Armor arrived on castle grounds in no time. The pristine white and gold walls sent a shiver of anticipation through Shining Armor as he slowly trotted up to the gigantic regal front door.
“Here it is...” Shining Armor said silently to himself. “I've seen it so many times before, but now it truly means something special to me.” Shining Armor formally saluted the gargantuan, mountain-bound castle before trotting inside. He was quickly met by Long Sword and Broad Sword, the two highest ranking Guard Captains. Long Sword was a rather tall, white unicorn. His mane and tail were a brownish color. The look of him gave Shining Armor confidence, though he was not sure why. Broad Sword, on the other hand, held a constant feeling of unease and insignificance. He was a sickly-gray pegasus stallion with a jet black mane and tail. Shining Armor quickly saluted the Captains as they approached. “Sirs!”
“At ease, Recruit.” Long Sword said.
“I won't be a recruit for much longer, sirs!” Shining Armor said happily, eliciting a groan from Broad Sword. “Is there something wrong?”
“We were about to send for you, actually. We need to speak with you.” Long Sword replied, his face retaining a stoic appearance about it.
“About what, sirs?” Shining Armor gulped cautiously, unsure of what was to follow.
“Follow us.” Long Sword instructed, leading Shining Armor away from the beaten path of the castle interior, and into it's frightful underbelly. The Swords led Shining Armor to a small, insignificant hallway just beside the throne room. At the end existed a small, wooden door. Shining Armor repressed a gulp as he and his escorts approached the garish door. Beyond the door was a large spiral staircase, appearing at the top to be just as regal as the rest of the castle, yet, as the group descended, the once regal walls and trim devolved into unsightly brown and gray stone. At the base of the staircase rested a door, not unlike the door atop the staircase.
Upon entry, Shining Armor was regretfully greeted with what appeared to him to be a coliseum of some sort. The upper walls were stained a sickly brown, and appeared as the original mountain rock which once owned the location. The walls of the stadium below fared no better, yet seemed to have an unfamiliar crimson stain to them. Shining Armor shuddered as realization came to him.
“Now then, Recruit. We are sure you have many questions, yet we ask you to hold them for now.” Long Sword stated, turning to face Shining Armor as Broad Sword closed the door behind them. “This is the Canterlot Coliseum. It exists within the very mountain upon which this city is built. We have brought you here for a special reason.” Shining Armor gulped.
“Yes, sir?” He just barely choked out. Broad Sword stood next to Long Sword and addressed Shining Armor with a gruff, intimidating tone.
“Recruit. You, as well as numerous other recruits, have been found to have skills just below what we expect from our guards.” As Broad Sword spoke these words, Shining Armor's mind raced with questions. “For this reason, we are forced to invoke a tradition which we have long set to rest. Follow.” Shining Armor did as instructed, if mostly out of fear, and was led to the lower arena of the coliseum, where five other recruits were waiting. Shining Armor recognized the recruits from his training camp.
“The way in which we will determine which of you are fit to become Guards is a simple contest. A fight. To the death.” As Long Sword spoke, the words seemed to come uneasily, visibly upsetting him. Broad Sword seemed unmoved by the concept.
The announcement brought forth a quiet rabble in the recruits, each at unease over the recent development. Each of them had questions, yet all were too far shocked to voice them, including Shining Armor.
“As you can see, there are six of you present. The Royal Guard will accept three, so three of you must go.” Broad Sword stated. One of the recruits looked around frantically before dashing for the exit. “You cannot be allowed to leave here and return to the public after seeing what you have seen. Now, return to the other recruits, or face me." Broad Sword flicked his wing, revealing his sword, sheathed at his side. The recruit paused, shivering intensely before coming to his senses and returning to the group. Broad Sword smiled viciously. Long Sword brought forth a burlap sack and dumped it into the arena. From it fell six swords, each appearing dangerously under-maintained and dull. With a gesture from Broad Sword, each recruit picked up a sword.
Among the group there were two other unicorns besides Shining Armor, two pegasi, and one earth pony. The two other unicorns held their swords with their magic. Shining Armor preferred holding weapons in his teeth, leaving his horn free for any use of it that may arise.
The six recruits were paired into three groups of two.
“From each of these duels, one of you will arise victorious. These three will be welcomed into the Royal Guard.” Broad Sword said, his sick smile never leaving his face.
Shining Armor watched in terrified awe as the other four recruits fought viciously against one another, wishing only to kill. Shining Armor looked to his opponent. He was a small gray pegasus with a cutie mark resembling a peace sign. He shivered before Shining Armor's superior stature, awaiting his demise.
Shining Armor spit the sword from his mouth, landing it upon the ground in a puff of dust. Turning to the Captains, he shouted.
“No! I'm not fighting!” He unleashed vocal justice upon the Captains, shivering as he feared their response. “If this is what becoming a guard entails, then I don't want to be a part of it. I'm walking out of here, and neither of you are going to stop me!” The fighting amongst the other groups ceased as each recruit turned to Shining Armor, if for no reason other than to watch the sparks fly.
“You're not going anywhere.” Broad Sword stated, his smile retreating, being replaced with a menacing scowl. He leaped into the arena and approached Shining Armor. “I'm going to face you myself. Hell, if I lose to a punk like you, you may as well take my position in the guard. At any rate, it'll be fun to watch you squirm before I kill you.” Broad Sword's garish smile returned as he finished speaking, sending a shiver down Shining Armor's spine.
Against his own will, Shining Armor repressed his fears as he bent down and picked up his blade. He bared his teeth as he faced his opponent, releasing a barely audible growl. Broad Sword simply stared, his smile burning itself into Shining Armor's mind.
The duelists stood apart from one another, preparing to fight. Broad Sword was the first to attack, charging forward, his sword at the ready. Shining Armor swiftly jumped to the side, narrowly avoiding the attack. Broad Sword returned with a swipe as he turned. Shining Armor used his horn to create a transparent purple shield, catching the attack, and knocking Broad Sword back. Shining Armor took the initiative and unleashed a quick jolt from his horn, aimed at his opponent. Broad Sword quickly recovered and returned the magical shot with a swing from his sword. Shining Armor caught the returned blast within his horn, and released it once more with double the force, striking Broad Sword, and disarming him. The blast kicked up a large cloud of dirt, shrouding Broad Sword entirely, removing him from view. Taking one final chance, Shining Armor readied his sword and charged into the dust cloud. Within an instant, Shining Armor emerged from the other side, no longer armed with his blade, breathing heavily.
As the dust cleared, Broad Sword came into view. He was hunched forward, propped up against the ground by the hilt of a blade protruding from his chest. His smile had finally faded as his eyes remained open, frozen in a state of shock. His mouth hung agape, dripping with blood. A pool of the crimson liquid was beginning to form around Broad Sword as more droplets fell from the wound. Broad Sword was dead, slain by Shining Armor. Shining Armor looked over his work, shaking uncontrollably. The realization flooded his mind. He had just killed another pony. Shining Armor couldn't move. He couldn't speak. His body froze as the corpse of his victim lay motionless before him.
Long Sword hastily ran to Shining Armor's side, completely speechless, and obviously shaken. He turned to the other recruits, all of whom were overlooking the body as well. He addressed them, snapping them out of their trance.
“All of you...” Long Sword stated, “Go home...”
The recruits nodded cautiously, each of them taking their leave, so only Shining Armor and Long Sword remained among the body of Broad Sword. Long Sword looked over toward Shining Armor.
“It was self defense. You had no choice.” Long Sword said. Shining Armor nodded, trying to convince himself that what Long Sword said was true. Long Sword looked to the door. “Come on, let's get topside... Captain.”
June 12~
The ceremony went off without a hitch, considering...
When my parents asked why I was inducted at Guard Captain rank, I told them that I performed exceptionally in training. I've tried to shake the occurrence... What I did... I try to distract myself. The body, the blood. A life stolen away at my hooves. I don't know if I can handle this. For the first time ever, I've had thoughts... Dark thoughts, about ending my own life. I have these thoughts, but then I look at Twiley. Her smiling face seems to remove any dark vision from my mind. I realize that I'm living for my own sake, and for hers. I just need something to distract myself. I don't think there's any redemption for what I've done, but I can at least hope.
June 15~
Something's not right. I've heard... I don't know... Voices? I can't tell, exactly. There's definitely something going on inside my mind, something beyond my control. Each instance is accompanied by an image, always the same. The image of Broad Sword's body, skewered, bleeding, dead. I've tried to ignore them, and write them off as isolated occurrences, but to no avail. Each day they return. I can't understand them. Hell, I can't even tell if they're voices or not. All I know is that they're there, haunting me. I'd like to ask for help, but I don't know how anypony would react. Maybe I can just leave out the part about Broad Sword. Just thinking about it makes me feel sick. I don't know... I'll see what I can do.
July 27~
Twiley left today. She is traveling to Ponyville on royal business. Something about the Summer Sun Celebration. I don't know how long it'll be before she gets back, but I hope she doesn't take too long. Still, maybe some time out of Canterlot is just what she needs. Maybe she'll be able to make some friends down there, assuming she can pull her nose out of a book for more than a minute. I hope she does well for herself.
August 14~
The voices are still persisting. I've tried to medicate them, but nothing works. I saw a doctor about them, and she recommended magical treatment. All I need to do is find somepony who can perform such a treatment on me. Apparently magical medicine specialists are too far and few between to just call one in for a case like mine. I guess it's up to me to find somepony who can help me, and I really hope I find one soon. The noises are still just as cryptic as ever, but I feel like they're trying to form themselves into words. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I'm not too sure of anything anymore...
August 17~
My prayers have been answered! I ran into Twiley's old foal-sitter, Cadance, earlier today. I was glad to see that she remembered me, though it took me a minute to recognize her. She's even more beautiful than I remember... Apparently, along with the magic of love, Cadance has also dabbled in a bit of mental magic. I don't know if she used some of that love magic on me, but I think I can feel myself falling for her. At any rate, she's agreed to meet me tomorrow to see if she can help me with my... problem. I really hope she can...
Shining Armor sat alone in Canterlot Park. He had hoped that the calming scenery and serene tone could help remove the sounds in his head, but to no avail. He shook is head vigorously, hoping for something to give, whether it be the sounds, or his own sanity. Shining Armor looked to the sky as a few birds flew by.
“I really miss her...” Shining Armor said to himself, sighing as he looked to the ground.
“Miss who?” A voice asked. Shining Armor perked up and looked around. Approaching him he saw a pink alicorn with a purple, pink, and cream colored mane and tail approaching him. She stopped beside the bench he was sitting at, smiling as she looked at him.
“My sister.” Shining Armor said, sulking and eying the ground once more.
“Oh... This seat taken?” The pink alicorn asked, pointing to the empty spot beside Shining Armor. He simply shook his head. The mare smiled as she sat down next to him. “Speaking of whom, how is Twilight?”
Shining Armor's ears perked at this as he looked toward the pink pony confusedly. His ignorance fled as memory kicked in, causing him to recognize the mare beside him.
“Cadance!” Shining Armor said happily, smiling. “I'm sorry, I barely recognized you!” Cadance giggled.
“I'm glad to see that you still remember me, Shiny.” Cadance laughed as Shining Armor blushed.
“You haven't called me that for a long time.” Shining Armor reminisced.
“I haven't seen you for a long time.” Cadance corrected. “So how are you?” She shot him a smile.
“I don't even know...” Shining Armor tried to retain his smile, yet he felt it leave him. “I'm a Royal Guard Captain, which is great, but Twilight just left, and I've been having some issues looking for a pony who can perform mental medical spells. How have you been doing?”
“I'm fine. Uh, did you say you were looking for somepony to perform medical magic?” She asked. Shining Armor nodded, looking toward Cadance hopefully. “I've studied a bit of that magic, so I might be able to help you out.” Shining Armor instantly perked up.
“Really? Do you think you could?” He asked, a genuine smile returning to his face. Cadance nodded happily. “That's great!”
“I'm happy to hear that.” Cadance said, smiling. “Unfortunately, I have somewhere to be soon, and the procedure can take quite a while.”
“Well, do you think we can meet up sometime then?” Shining Armor asked desperately.
“Are you asking me out on a date, Shiny?” Cadance asked, stifling a giggle. Shining Armor just blushed. “I'm free tomorrow, if you want to meet up then.”
“That would be great. You're still living at your old house?” Shining Armor asked happily. Cadance nodded. “I'll meet you there tomorrow then.”
“It's great to see you again, Shiny.” Cadance said before reaching over and hugging him, catching him off guard and forcing yet another blush out of him. “I'll see you tomorrow.” Cadance stood and walked away, leaving Shining Armor sitting upon the park bench alone, yet hopeful.
“So tell me Shiny. What issues have you been having?” Cadance asked, looking toward Shining Armor as they sat in her living room.
“I've been hearing these strange... noises, in my head... I can't even tell what they are...” Shining Armor said, trying his best to convey his situation.
“How long has this been happening?” Cadance asked.
“A little over a month now.” Shining Armor answered.
“Do you have any idea what could have started these occurrences?” Cadance asked. She moved her horn to the tip of his as a dim blue energy began to form at the point of contact. Cadance moved a hoof to Shining Armor's face, instructing him to close his eyes.
“Kind of...” Shining Armor said, withdrawing himself slightly. He felt a sense of warmth begin to flow through him as his horn began to tingle.
“Can you tell me?” Cadance asked. Her voice was quiet, serene, understanding. Shining Armor felt himself relaxing as she spoke.
“I... I can't... I can hardly bear it myself.” Shining Armor began to tense, yet the softness of Cadance's voice, and the soothing flow of energy engulfing him kept him calm.
“It's alright. You don't need to tell me if you don't want to.” Cadance replied, her voice reassuring Shining Armor. “Do you hear the noises now?”
“No. Not now.” He replied.
“Okay.” Cadance said. She remained silent for a while, focusing on her work. Shining Armor remained calm through the treatment, finding himself to be enjoying Cadance's company.
Several hours later, Cadance backed away from Shining Armor. He felt the break in energy and opened his eyes. Cadance was looking at him. She looked exhausted. Shining Armor reached to her and embraced her in a hug.
“Thank you so much for your help.” He said happily. Cadance weakly moved a hoof to hug him back, yet fell short as she collapsed in his arms. “Are you alright!?”
“I'll be fine. I just need a god night's sleep.” Cadance replied, barely awake. “You should do the same. We won't know if the treatment took until tomorrow anyway.”
Shining Armor nodded. He stood and carried Cadance to her bedroom. He rested her on the bed and embraced her once more before taking his leave. Shining Armor noticed that it was night as he emerged from Cadance's home.
As he walked the streets back to his house, Shining Armor heard a sound that he hadn't heard in a bout a month... Silence. As far as he could tell, the noises in his head were gone, yet as Cadance said, he wouldn't know until the next day.
August 19~
As far as I can tell, the noises are gone. I haven't heard any since I woke up, but all day I've had a splitting headache. It almost feels torturous! I went to see Cadance to see if this was some sort of side effect, but she said that she had never heard of such a thing happening the day after treatment. I'll have to keep an eye on this, but I'm at least glad to have somepony by my side to help me through it. It seems rushed, but I think I really like Cadance. I didn't think twice about it when she was Twilight's foal-sitter, but now that we're both older, I feel myself being drawn towards her.
August 29~
The headaches are still persisting. It feels like I've traded one punishment for another. I've discovered something frightening about the headaches though. It seems like thinking about... The incident, with Broad Sword, can alleviate the headaches, if only temporarily. Just thinking about his lifeless corpse before me, and the thought that with my own hooves, I took his life away from him. It used to make me feel sick to my stomach, but now... Now that the thought gets rid of my headaches... Now I feel comforted, if not happy in that thought... In that memory. It feels strange. I sound like I'm crazy, and I'd like nothing more than to get help, but I can't tell anyone about what I've done. I only wonder if keeping the secret outweighs the cost of my sanity. On a separate note, I've asked Cadance out on a date, and she accepted! I have to prepare, but I thought I'd chronicle my thoughts beforehoof. I sincerely hope I can keep this secret from Cadance. I'm not sure how she'd react if she knew she was dating a murderer...
February 7~
I haven't had time to write an entry in my journal recently. Everything has been moving so fast. The headaches are still persisting, and still, the thought of Broad Sword's death helps me rid of them. I do have some huge news though! Cadance and I have been dating for months now, and I've asked her to marry me, and she said yes! We've already prepared the wedding. Cadance being a princess, most of the preparation work is done by her assistants rather than her or I. The invitations have been sent out, including a special one to Twiley and her friends. It's been so long since I've seen her, and I can't wait for us to meet up again. I hope she doesn't get too sore about me not contacting her personally, but I haven't had any time. A strange threat was made against Canterlot, and as guard captain, it rests upon me to protect the city with a a force-field spell that only I can produce, and that is really not helping the headaches. Ever since Cadance and I have begun our preparations, she's been acting a bit differently... Probably just anxiety. She has been helping my force-field headaches with her magic, but the others still persist when I'm not thinking about Broad Sword. I can hardly wait for the wedding, and to see Twiley again!
February 9~
Wow...
So as it turns out... Cadance had been replaced by Chrysalis, queen of the Changelings, shortly after our wedding preparations began, and the magic she was using on me was not to alleviate my headaches, but instead to suck the love I have for Cadance from me to feed her changelings. I feel so horrible. Twilight tried to warn me that something was up, but I, her friends, and even Celestia scolded her for it, thinking she was just being 'the mare who cried timberwolf'. The real Cadance, my new wife, is back, and the rest of our marriage went off without a hitch. Apparently Luna was there, but I didn't see her. I think I'm going to tell Cadance... about the incident... The murder. If our love was strong enough to banish an entire changeling army, then I've no doubt it can stand up to my past... I hope...
Shining Armor gingerly approached Cadance, who smiled happily and lovingly at him.
“Cadance...” Shining Armor said, having second thoughts on his decision. “I-I have to tell you something...”
“What is it?” She could tell by the tone of his voice and his timid nature that something was seriously wrong. “You can tell me anything.” He knew she meant it.
“Do you remember back when you treated the noises in my head?” He asked. She nodded. “When I said that I couldn't tell you what I thought was causing the noises?”
“What is it?” Her voice was so caring. So sincere, that Shining Armor's doubts began to lift, and his confidence began to rise.
“Back... when I was inducted into the Royal Guard... I...” He hesitated, turning his head away, slamming his eyes shut. He took a deep breath before turning back toward Cadance. “I... Did something horrible...”
“Please, Shining Armor...” Cadance said calmly, reaching a hoof over, touching his cheek. He opened his eyes and looked deeply into hers as she smiled. “You can tell me anything.”
“I... I killed... somepony...” Shining Armor winced, preparing for Cadance to look at him as if he were a monster, judging him for his acts, yet, to his surprise, she didn't. Her smile had faded, yet she looked at him as she always had. Her confidence in him gave him cause to continue. “It was Broad Sword... The guard captain preceding me.”
“How did it happen?” Cadance asked. Her eyes remained locked on his, and the sincerity in her face did not falter.
“Him and Long Sword pitted six recruits, myself included, against each other, fighting to the death, wishing for three to survive.” Shining Armor recalled. He fought back tears as he recollected his memories. “I refused and Broad Sword challenged me, hoping to kill me. I fought him, and won... Ending his life...” Cadance closed her eyes, thinking for several minutes. Shining Armor patiently awaited her reply.
“It sounds to me like you had no choice. It was self defense. Had you not fought, you would have died.” Cadance said, looking into Shining Armor's eyes.
“I've tried to tell myself that countless times, but it doesn't make me feel any better.” Shining Armor said. “I always think back to the fact of the matter. I killed him.”
“I don't know what I can do to help you, except let you know that your secret is safe with me, and I don't think any less of you for it.” Cadance said. Shining Armor knew she was telling the truth, “I love you Shining Armor. I always will.” Cadance embraced Shining Armor in a hug and kissed him. He felt safe. He felt happy. He felt better.
February 21~
Cadance took the news perfectly. I couldn't have asked for anything better. The headaches are still persisting, and the thought of Broad Sword still makes me feel good. The thought of that makes me feel sick, but in a good way... As I think about it, my headaches have gotten worse over time. They were never as painful as the first morning I had them, but they have definitely been worsening over time. I'll write more when I can, but I don't really see anything interesting happening in the near future.
July 12~
I've received word that Cadance and I must report to the Frozen North, to the Crystal Mountains. Celestia didn't have much time to explain everything to us, but from what I do understand, an ancient civilization of ponies known as the 'Crystal Ponies' has returned, as well as their land, the Crystal Kingdom. Some ancient evil king who had enslaved the Crystal Ponies has returned, and he is wreaking havoc on the empire. Cadance and I are being sent there to protect the land, and keep the evil king out until help arrives. I hope we can handle it...
July 15~
Twiley to the rescue again... or rather... Spike to the rescue! The evil king, whose name turns out to be Sombra, was vanquished by the warmth and hope of the Crystal Ponies after Spike returned the Crystal Heart to it's rightful place. Also, in an astounding turn of events, Cadance, as it appears, is the 'Crystal Princess'. I don't entirely understand the logistics of that right now, since I knew Cadance when she was a filly, and this empire had been gone for 1000 years... But I guess that I'm officially the prince of an empire now, so I'm happy with that!
July 16~
With all of the bustle of recent days, my mind was too occupied to realize that the headaches have gotten significantly worse. I can hardly stand them now, and the thought of Broad Sword doesn't help as much as it used to. Something within me is saying I need a new image. A new sight of death, caused by me. I can't consider that though! The first time it was in self defense! I can't allow there to be a second time... I only hope my sanity can hold out...
July 29~
The headaches are reaching unbearable levels... I need some form of relief... I can't take it. I feel like my body is giving me an ultimatum. Either I sit in torture, and deal with the headaches... Or I kill... Every part of me wants to avoid the latter at all costs, but I don't know if I can hold out...
August 1~
It's happened... I've had my first thought of murder... My first vivid thought. I pictured myself killing Cadance. I pictured myself pushing her from the balcony of the Crystal Castle, and watching her plummet to the ground below, listening to her scream. These thoughts tear at my mind. They hurt, but something scary comes with the hurt. Pleasure...
August 6~
She just stands there... taunting me... Cadance wants me to do it... I can tell... Her facade of ignorance, but I see right through it. She knows what I have to do... But she only teases me. She stands on that balcony at many hours of the day and night. It'd be so easy... Just incapacitate her wings and push her... She'd fall... She'd die... I'd feel better, my headache would go away.
August 7~
That would never work. The ponies below would find the body. They'd know I did it... Plus, how would I incapacitate her wings without her knowing something was up? No... There has to be an easier way... There is a better way. While she's asleep... I end her. A quick slice to the throat. Stop her breathing. If I do it quickly enough, she may not even wake up. She might not even know... But maybe that's what I want... Maybe I want her to watch. I want her to see me drive the knife into the side of her neck, and drag it across. I want to watch her gasp for air, and beg for mercy without breath, as she slowly suffocates and bleeds out. So easy... So simple... So good...
Shining Armor stood over Cadance as she slept. The moonlight shone through the window, reflecting off of the knife he held within his mouth. Shining Armor felt his ear twitch as looked at his wife... His victim...
Do it...
Shining Armor leaned closer to Cadance. Her beautiful scent wafted into his nose, as he closed his eyes and indulged in her. His mind raced. His head ached. He had to do this.
Shining Armor had decided not to wake her. It would be easier, and she wouldn't put up a fight. He tried to tell himself that he didn't want to do this. That he had to do this. But deep down, he knew. This was his sick pleasure.
Shining Armor took a deep breath. He leaned closer, pressing the edge of the blade gently against Cadance's neck. The metal parted her fur as the cold steel ticked her skin. Shining Armor bit down onto the handle. He looked to the face of his wife. She was smiling in her sleep. He recalled how beautiful she was, how much he loved her. He loosened his grip on the knife handle, as he prepared to back away from Cadance.
A stabbing pain shot through Shining Armor's head. This ache was worse than any he'd had before. He felt dizzy. His eyes focused on Cadance's smiling face, and Shining Armor felt a new kind of emotion: Pure anger. The handle cracked as Shining Armor bit down on it.
Do it!
Shining Armor did it...
He pressed the knife into Cadance's neck and dragged it across. Through her neck.
He heard the flesh splitting and the blood spewing as her neck opened before him. Every gory detail was visible to him. There was a faint whistling sound as Cadance's breathing quickened. The air tried to enter her lungs, yet to no avail. Blood was everywhere. It poured freely from her neck. It dripped from the knife. It stained the bed. It stained the floor. The scent of it caught Shining Armor's attention. He liked it.
To his surprise, Cadance's eyes shot open. Her eyes darted around the room, completely aware of what had happened. Of what was happening. Her eyes focused on Shining Armor, the knife in his mouth, her blood upon his white coat, his cold, empty eyes. As she looked at him, her mouth was silent, her body did not move. She made no sounds, yet her eyes asked a single question, and Shining Armor knew it.
'Why?'
Cadance slowly closed her eyes as her breathing slowed. She looked to the ceiling as her eyes shut completely. Her mouth hung agape, her breathing stopped, she was dead.
Shining Armor stood over his victim. Her dying eyes burned into his mind, forever remaining within his head, and he liked it. Her desperation in her final seconds, her confusion, and his total control over her mortal fate. He felt his headache begin to recede as he looked upon her corpse, the life stolen at his command. Shining Armor grew a sick smile. He felt good. Really good.
August 8~
It's just after midnight now. I did it... I killed her. I slit her throat in her sleep. I wasn't going to wake her, but she awoke after I cut her, and she looked at me. The way her eyes moved over me, wondering why I, the love of her life, would do such a thing. I loved it. Every second gave me a rush like I had never felt before. I need to flee... To the authorities, there will be no doubt that I killed her, and they'll be looking for me, but they'll never find me!
November 5~
I still haven't been caught, though the authorities are searching. I know they are. I've seen them, but I've evaded them at every turn! After I killed Cadance, my headache went away, completely! When it started to come back, I tried thinking about her dying. Me, dragging the knife across her throat, watching her bleed. Watching her die... But, this time my headache is more persistent. I can't get rid of this one as easily... I know what I have to do... I have to kill again. I need the rush, I need the feel. I want it. I need it! I know who to end, too. My father... he was always so judgmental of me. I told myself that he was caring, but now, through my new ways, I see him for what he really was: A judging father, who I could never be good enough for. He is my next victim.
Shining Armor knocked on the door of his parent's home in Canterlot. His mother answered. She hugged him as soon as she saw him.
“Shining Armor... What did you do...” His mother asked, crying. She knew what he did. She backed up from her son, looking into his eyes. She didn't recognize them... His once joyful and cheery eyes, now clouded and dark, with no sign of true happiness. She looked at her son in fear, taking a step back.
“Where's dad?” Shining Armor asked, taking a step forward to his mother's step back.
“Inside... In the kitchen...” She replied.
Shining Armor walked in, pushing his way past her. When he entered the kitchen, his father saw him and instantly stood from the table. He rushed toward his son, hoping to embrace him. Shining Armor held out a hoof, stopping him.
“Son, I-” Shining Armor's father was cut off.
“Shut up!” Shining Armor screamed. His father took a step back. “All my life, all you did was judge me! I didn't see it then, but I sure do now! And now, old man... Now it's your turn to pay.” As Shining Armor spoke, his headache worsened, urging him to proceed. Urging him to kill.
“Son... I-I don't understand...” His father held a look of confused terror upon his face. “Whatever I did, I'm sorry! But you don't need to do this...” Shining Armor smirked.
“Oh, but I do, dad...” Shining Armor picked up a knife off of the counter and lunged at his father. He drove the knife deep into his father's chest. Shining Armor smiled as he heard his father's ribs breaking around the thick blade. Shining Armor looked at his father's face. He held a look of pain and surprise, underlined by fear. It made Shining Armor feel good.
Shining Armor withdrew the knife and drove it into his father again. He did it again and again and again, feeling more of a rush with each thrust. Blood poured from his father's chest, staining his blue coat a crimson red. Shining Armor smiled maliciously, admiring his work. He watched as his father's eyes rolled back in his head as he fell to he ground, not moving, not breathing, dead. Shining Armor knelt down and with one final thrust, drove the knife into his father's side, leaving it as he stood.
Suddenly, a noise faded into his perception. It was his mother, screaming in terror, watching her son murder her husband, his father. Shining Armor turned to his mother. As their eyes locked, her screaming ceased, replaced only with a stare of pure terror, and a loss for sound. Shining Armor grinned menacingly as he leaped at her. He gripped her temples with his bloody fore-hooves. As he felt her head within his grasp, and her life within his hands, he turned her head. As her head reached as far as it could turn, he kept turning. Her neck cracked within his grasp, as her life quickly left her body. She went limp in his grasp, and slipped to the blood stained ground below.
Shining Armor smiled as he looked over his work, feeling his headache go away. In the confusion, however, he had overlooked one pony's presence. One observer, who had watched both of his recent murders. Shining Armor turned to the front door. There standing, he saw Twilight. She looked at him in terror. She was sick with what she saw, and she was sick with him. As their eyes locked, Shining Armor felt something in his mind click. Something that he thought he had lost. Shining Armor's sens of sanity flooded back into him as Twilight stared into his eyes.
Shining Armor looked around him, at what he had done. His parents and his wife, brutally slaughtered by his command. Shining Armor nearly vomited at the sights and thought bombarding him. He had never felt so much regret, all at once. He turned to look at Twilight, who was still staring at him, completely terrified. He saw her eyes begin to swell with tears.
“Twilight... I-” Shining Armor was unable to continue, as Twilight turned and ran. She bolted out the front door. Shining Armor tried to chase after her, but she was too fast. He watched as she ran. He watched as his little sister ran away from him.
January 3~
It has been over a month since I last saw Twilight. Something in the sight of her, so terrified of me, sparked something in my mind. Whatever I had become was destroyed by her gaze. I'm glad to be rid of it, but it is far too late. I can never be forgiven for what I've done. I killed my wife and my parents. When I last checked, Twilight had been admitted to a mental ward. The sight of seeing her parents brutally murdered by her brother drove her over the edge of insanity. It is doubtful that she will ever recover. I've killed those who cared for me, and harmed the most important pony in my life: My sister. I know what I have to do now.
As I write this, I am standing on the edge of the balcony at the Crystal Castle.
This is my last entry.
There is no redemption for me.
The things I've seen, the things I've done, those I've hurt.
The moon lights my path, as my shadow begs me to reconsider.
I shiver as the rain picks up.
I feel the wind blow past my face.
I am empty.
Author's Note
So this was... Gory, to say the least. I tried my best to convey a feeling of Shining Armor's descent into madness. That, truth be told, was what this fic was all about. More or less a test for myself. Let me know how I did in the comments! Also leave any concerns or otherwise you may have down there. Also, if you happened to stumble in here and were offended by the gore, I warned you in the description about it, so I don't want to hear it... er... Read it! Yeah...
Added note: This will probably be my last 'Gore-fic'... Ever. I mean, it was fun to write in the mental instabilities, but the gore part I kind of struggled with. That, and the gory parts weren't as fun to write in.
Anyway... Thanks for reading!
