A promise holds a purpose, a purpose holds a promise. That is the Apple Family code, or, one of them. A promise is not to be broke, not in the eye of the storm, not after, not before. It is to be held with utmost respect, not disregarded as another word that's not to be kept. It his to be held close to ones heart, for it may revolve around another.
I thought back to earlier, back to when I was safe. There was no illness chasing me, no tears pouring from my eyes, no last minute coughs, waiting to take what I have left. There was only safety, I was truly safe. I wasn't afraid of death, there was no reason to be. I wouldn't die for awhile. Or so I thought.
Back then, apples were a majority of my worries, that and feeding my dearest foals. Keeping food on the table for them and my mother, telling them to behave. I didn't care if I got a "Yes Momma," or a scornful "Yup." I didn't care if my mother rambled on about how my daughter wasn't doing great in school, I knew she would do just fine in the end.
I would never care about the rain as it fell down from the skies, it helped the orchards. The soft cold water droplets helped me keep food on the table and money in the saddle bag. It helped me more than I would ever know, but I know now, sitting on the cold ground, the droplets causing my mane to stoop ragged and tangled in my vision.
I wouldn't move it, it didn't seem right. It was the same color as my boys', and I wanted to keep him in my heart for as long as I could. Not like he would ever leave it, no, I wont ever let my Mac leave my heart. I may leave his, but he's so young, he may not remember I was in there in the first place.
I may not even be there. I may just be a memory, maybe less. Maybe mother will be his mother, or, that's how he'll remember it. It's better that way, to let me sink into nothing, it's where sick ponies belong.
I remember just last week, he got his Cutie Mark, he was so proud. And I was so proud of him, such a big stallion he is. He looks like his great grandfather, and is twice as kind. Ponies like him, they give me hope. That's probably why I fell in love with his father, I thought to myself.
"Just another stallion," I repeated the words my mother would whisper to me every night when I was a filly, fretting about foals and love. "A stallion will be there, but not forever," I cooed softly to the unheard ponies around me, the ones that watch over silently, but still there.
"Just like a mare, but not as much hair. There when you need them, gone when you really do." A song of the past came into my mind, something my father would sing on the farm for days,
"Turn that filly right round and round
But go after my girl
You're taking a stomach pound
I'll make you hurl.
That's my daughter, mine
Not yours
So I wont listen when you're lyin'
Go knock on other doors.
I love her to death
I was there
When she took her first breath
So she's mine, down to every hair.
When she's ready, it'll still be a no
Why?
Because I said so.
But don't cry,
There are plenty of other ponies in the pasture
So go
Give 'em a whir
But for my girl, it's a no."
He cared for me so much then, but just like my momma said, stallions are there when you need 'em, gone when you really do. I needed him after he died, but he couldn't be there...Cause he died. Got shot by a rival while traveling out to the west, trying to find somepony.
I guess mares are like that too, in a way. I remember earlier, I told my little girl I'd be home. My momma knew where I was headed.
"I'll see you later," I choked. "Momma just has to run some errands, that's all." The small filly cocked her head and cracked an award winning smile,
"Come back soon momma."
I looked at her, and winced. She believed I would, because I was her mother. I nodded and faked a smile, but it was easily seen through. My mother shook her head and looked at me before walking slowly to her room to go knit something. Probably a sweater for my big boy Macintosh. He was always outgrowing his.
"Yes my little apple pie, I'll be back soon." Her eyes scanned mine for a few moments before she giggled, her laughter filling the room and warming my heart.
"Promise?"
A promise is meant to be kept, not broken, not shattered, but held close. I looked into that small fillies eyes, and crossed my hooves,
"Promise, now, get Momma has to get going. I love you," I forced myself not to break into tears at that very moment, I wasn't coming home anytime soon. I loved her so much, and she might not remember me enough to know it.
"I love you too Momma, come back safely!" She hugged my right hoof tight, for she couldn't reach anything higher than my hooves.
"I will Apple Jack," I murmured, nuzzling into the small fillies blond curls. "I will." I broke away from the hug and trotted out, not wanting to look back at my mother as I felt her gaze follow me out. Upon leaving, I had encountered something I never wanted to see, the knowing stare of Big Macintosh, my little boy.
"You're sick, aren't you Momma?" His icy stare followed me as I trotted past him.
"Eeyup." It was all I could murmur.
"You're not coming home anytime soon, right Momma?"
"Eenope." He trotted in front of me, blocking my way.
"If you do come back, I'll love you forever, if you can't for some reason, I'll love you forever and a year." I smiled at his words and hugged him before trotting out of sight, into the woods, where I wanted to die. Surrounded by the sweet smell of apples, without ever needing to be found.
Coughing, I finished the memory. A bit of blood dribbled down my chin as I looked to the stars Celestia had raised, since her sister was a bit of a nightmare. The night was so beautiful, the sky was so beautiful, life is so beautiful, but mine was wasted.