The Klondike Bar

by 1337Pony

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Crossover, Twilight Sparkle, Random, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Romance
Length: 2565

When a human gets transported into Equestria by unknown means, the love of his life is brutally murdered and he begins working under Twilight Sparkle. Soon he discovered his ability of magic and begins developing this to hopefully find a way home.

When a human gets transported into Equestria by unknown means, the love of his life is brutally murdered and he begins working under Twilight Sparkle. Soon he discovered his ability of magic and begins developing this to hopefully find a way home. A first-person story that involves a lot of ice-cream and other random things that I feel like throwing in.

Published 2013-01-06 17:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-01-15 01:58:58 UTC

A Great Loss

The Klondike Bar

Chapter 1

A Great Loss

Hate flowed through me. My hand clenched into fist, making my fingers and knuckles turn white
from the pressure.

The creature in front of me had done the unthinkable. An unforgivable sin, something so foul that every atom in my body told me to kill whoever caused this tragedy.

A white substance (giggity) was splattered onto the grass below me. Bits and pieces of chocolate were spread around the mixture. The picture below me was etched into my mind. The Klondike bar was mercilessly murdered, and the perpetrator shall play.

The life of the Klondike bar replayed through my head. My first true love, our first kiss, and session after session of consensual sex. All of it, gone, wiped away from history.

I looked up from the crime scene to the small pony that looked at me with shocked eyes. Now I had never seen a technicolor pony before, at least not in real life. I was a strong brony, although I still acted as any other sane individual would.

“HOLY FUCKING SHIT” I yelled. I recognized the purple, or rather lavender, creature in front of me to be Twilight Sparkle. I examined her people eyes that held the same shock that were in mine. It seemed I wasn’t the only one that was scared shitless.

“H-who are, how-” was all Twilight could manage before she fainted.

I sighed. At least now I had a little time to figure out what the hell happened. I looked one more time at the Klondike bar on the floor. I grimaced as I began heading downstairs. Once the reached the bottom floor I found what appeared to be paper towels and began heading back up.

“Twilight!” came Spike’’s voice from upstairs.

Shit, looks like I forgot about something. By instinct I ran up the steps back into Twilight’s room. There I was Spike shaking Twilight’s body, that seemed to be waking up.

“Twilight please wake up!” Spike said frantically, his voice beginning to choke up. I could see tears forming at the edges of Spike’s eyes. Spike finally noticed me through his peripheral vision.

“What the...YOU DID THIS DIDN’T YOU!” Spike yelled, anger filling his voice. He began to slowly walk towards me, his nostrils flaring, causing wisps of green flame to come out.

M’kay brain, give me some options here. Run? Nope, can’t go outside and risk giving half of Ponyville a heart attack. Fight? I could probably take Spike on, but it would create more problems than it would solve. Stay and hold my ground? A pretty shit plan, but still the best I could come up with.

“Look Spike, I don’t know how I got here. Twilight just got surprised and fainted. I didn’t do anything to her. I swear.” I said calmly, trying not to escalate the situation.

“Why should I believe you, and how do you know me and Twilight’s names?!” Spike snapped back at me.

“I’m a friend. Just please trust me, I mean no harm.” As I said this I raised up my hands.

“You promise?” Spike said, the anger seeming to leave his body.

“I promise.”

“Well, uhh, I’m sorry about how I got kinda angry at you.” Spike replied, rubbing his hand on the back of his head.

“It’s fine. You were just trying to protect someone you love. I understand.” Images of the Klondike bar flashed in my head.

“Cool. And what... exactly are you?”

“I’m a human.”

“What’s a human?”

“A terrible species. Most of us have hate and destruction in our instinct.” Which is exactly why I didn’t interact with humans anymore. Only frozen delicacies could be trusted.

“Well you seem nothing like that. I mean you aren’t are you?”

“Of course not. I said most of us are like that, not all.”

My train of thought was interrupted by light scratching noises. I looked over to the source of it to see Twilight writing on a piece of paper by levitating a paper and quill.

“Well don’t mind me, keep talking.” Twilight said quickly.

I facepalmed. I scooped out what was left of the Klondike bar with the paper towel I still held in my hand and walked out of the room.

“Where are you going!?” Twilight yelled after me.

“I’m going to bury my lover!” I yelled right back.

“What!?” Twilight asked in a shocked tone.

I ignored her and made my way to the bathroom. Once I had reached it I went inside and closed the door behind me. I put down the cream-covered paper towel into the toilet.

“Look Shelly, I know we’ve had our ups and downs, but you’ve always been there for me. You have been my support, my lover, and my best friend. I will always miss you, the way you smile, and the way the sunlight glistened off you when it was hot. Goodbye. I love you.”

Tears were now flowing freely down my face and dripping down onto what was my former companion. I stood there for what seemed like an eternity, unable to take my eyes from the toilet.

In a sudden movement I reached out to the hande of the toilet and pulled it. I managed to pull my eyes from the toilet to avoid the gut-wrenching scene. I stayed in the restroom until my eyes cleared up.

Once I was completely ready, or as ready as I could be in my state of loss, I went back to Twilight’s room. When I entered I could see Spike and Twilight whispering to each other on thes other side of the room.

“Hello again.” I stated flatly.

“Um... hi. Sorry about your ice-cream.” Twilight said, blushing slightly.

“I guess when it’s your time to go it’s your time to go.”

“Well, do you mind if I asked you a few question?” Twilight said while beginning to levitate the quill and paper again.

“Sure, go ahead.” I didn’t really have much else to do. Besides, there are a lot of things I want to learn about Equestria. Better yet, how the hell to explain how I know all of this. I don’t think they’ll take their reality being a T.V. show very well.

“So, I guess let’s start off with the basics. Humans have many theories about how we came to be. One is that it started with a HUUUGE explosion! And then other stuff happened.”

Me and Twilight remained talking for quite a while. Shortly into our studies Spike headed out of the room, probably to go off to sleep.

I knew he didn’t like staying up past him bedtime. I didn’t realize how tired I was until began yawning more often than talking. I asked Twilight where I could sleep and she said there was an extra bed in the basement.

I headed downstairs and threw my body on the bed that was more than just a little small for me. I immediately fell asleep.

***

Author's Note

I told you I'd make this Stephen. STEPHEN. Anyways, leave any suggestions to where this story might go in the comments. I'm kinda just making half of this up as I go. ._.

I Am Being Learned

Klondike Bar

Chapter 2

I Am Being Learned

I woke up to the smell of pancakes. Not, just any pancakes, freshly cooked, made from scratch pancakes. They smelled out of this world. Well, technically they were, but you get the point.

I yawned and stretched my back until I heard several satisfying cracks. I did the same with my neck and my knuckles. Sleeping on a bed two sizes too small did not do the body good.

I slid my feet off the bed and began walking up the stairs. I froze in place when I heard unfamiliar voices on the other side of the door.

“Well thanks for returning that book Pinkie. Just try not to get any frosting on it next time, okay?” I recognized that voice as Twilight.

“Okie dokie lokie!” said the other individual in a rather loud and obnoxious way.

I slowly creaked the door open and looked out. There was a another pony, this one a darkish pink. A book covered in a yellowish substance was held in the mouth of the pony I was assuming to be Pinkie. How she talked with her mouth filled with a book was completely out of my grasp.

Pinkie’s body suddenly started shaking violently and ended with her rump in the air.

“Another Pinkie sense moment?” Twilight asked.with a twinge of fear. She stole a quick glance at the door and when she saw me her mouth almost fell open.

“Well, that usually happens when I’m about to meet a new friend. Weird, I know EVERYBODY in Ponyville and no one else has moved in in. You know what this means, don’t you?” Pinkie said as she seriously squinted her eyes at Twilight.

“I-I, uh, have no idea!” Twilight said with a coy smile.

“It means SOMEONE IS COMING TO PONYVILLE SOON! Ohhh this is so exciting! I’m gonna make cakes and cupcakes and get streamers! And then I’ll.. I’ll,” Pinkie stopped as she took a sharp intake of breath. “I better get started now! See you later Twilight!”

“Umm... bye Pinkie.”

As Pinkie left the building Twilight sighed deeply and closed the wooden door with magic. I still wasn’t used to the whole magic thing. Recreating my entire idea of how the universe worked would probably take more than a few days.

“That was really, really stupid,” Twilight said as she walked towards the kitchen.

“Yes, I know. That’s kind of my thing. By the way, you was that mentally disturbed pony?”

“That’s just Pinkie Pie. She’s not messed up in the head, just sorta weird.”

Twilight didn’t seem too sure of herself. Pinkie Pie definitely had AT LEAST two mental conditions.

“Twilight could I ask you something? How exactly does magic work?”

“Well, it’s complicated, but here’s the basics. Every living thing has a life force, which is different for everypony. Sentient beings such as ponies have much more life force, which helps them out in everyday life. Earth ponies naturally use this life force to become much stronger than the other two types of ponies. Pegasi can-”

“Waaaaaaiiiiiiiiittttt. Flying ponies? You know what? I’m not even surprised anymore. Continue.”

“Anyway... pegasi can use this life force in their wings to fly, a feat that would normally be impossible due to their small wing size. Their life force also allows them to manipulate the weather. And finally, there are unicorns. They are born with more life force and can then concentrate it on a certain point, almost always their horn, and can then project it into magic.”

“Wait, you said almost always on their horns. You mean there are other ways to use magic?”

“Well, yes. Although uncommon, certain unicorns can actually use magic from their hooves. There have even been cases of pegasi and earth ponies using magic, although it is very rare and the extent of their magical abilities is very limited.”

“Does this mean that... I might be able to use magic?”

“Well it’s certainly a possibility. Don’t get too hopeful though, from what you said to me magic doesn’t exist in your home world, so I doubt your body is even remotely suited for magic.”

“Well, it’s worth a try, right?”

“Not now, we have to eat. The foods going to get cold, and I need to go run some errands.”

“Could I go with you?” I knew the answer to that before I finished saying it.

“Of course not. The town will go in panic if they see an alien.”

“Well to me, you all are the aliens.”

“Fair enough, but still no. Now come on, I made some pancakes.”

My stomach grumbled in agreement. I had completely forgotten how hungry I had been. Twilight trotted ahead of me and I followed. By the time I had made it to the table, she was already magically putting pancakes on her plate.

“SPIIIKE! DINNER’S READY!” Twilight yelled upstairs.

I heard loud grumblings and the dragging of footsteps on the stairs. Spike appeared before us holding a blanket and grumpily sat himself down on the table.

I took a hold of the fork and began cutting the pancakes. The second I put the food into my mouth, my life changed. I paused halfway through my chewing. This was the best thing I have ever tasted. Maybe it was because ponies used more advanced agriculture or they used magic to make their crops taste better, but it didn’t matter. I just knew that if my mouth could orgasm, it had just done so.

“Excuse me.” I said softly. I picked up the plate and went towards the bathroom.

“Where are you going?” Twilight asked?

“I’m going to eat these motherfucking pancakes?”

“What does ‘fuck’ mean?”

I didn’t care to answer. I entered the bathroom and closed the door behind me. I placed the plate on the side of the sink and closed my eyes.

I threw my head on the plate and began eating the food like an animal. Syrup and small pieces of the pancakes splashed all over my body. I scooped as much as possible into my mouth and swallowed, then repeated that process over and over.

When all the food on my plate was either in my stomach or on my body, I turned on the sink and began washing my face. After a minute of vigorous scrubbing, most of the horribly mutilated flapjacks had been removed.

I left the bathroom and rejoined Twilight and Spike at the table. They both eyed me strangely as I put my plate into the sink.

“I’m going to go out now. I’ll be back in a few hours if I hurry. Just try not to burn the house down, okay?” Twilight said to me.

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to hold back my insatiable urges. The universe will be lucky if I don’t completely destroy it before you get home.”

Twilight chuckled in a light-hearted tone. “I’ll see you later. Bye!”

“G’bai.” I replied.

Well this was just great. An entire world filled with talking ponies, super awesome animals, magic, and other cool shit. And here I was reading some books. I sighed.

“I’m going back to bed” Spike said as he hopped off his chair.

I remember my conversation about magic and looked over at the utensils Spike left on the table. I extended my hand and concentrated on the fork. I squinted my eyes and felt power draining from my body, as if I was trying to fight a deep sleep. A dull reddish aura slowly began enveloping my hand. I concentrated more, imagining the fork moving towards me. There is no fork. The fork began vibrating. I was doing it, I was going to move the fork, I-

Darkness.

***

Author's Note

Well the story has just gotten damn interesting. Hooray for me making stuff up on the spot. I ACTUALLY have an idea what I'm doing next. I'm really starting to scare myself. Please tell me any suggestions you have BECAUSE I NEED INSPIRATION! If I use your idea I will give credit and tell everyone about your amazing sexiness.