Celestia, what the f***.

by Fire Angel

Rating: teen
Tags: Romance, Queen Chrysalis, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Human, Main 6, Princess Luna, Gore, Other
Length: 1786

Hi. I'm Jonathon and as you may not have known, I'm a brony. But despite what you may think, I never wanted to go to Equestria. After all the weird and bad shit I've heard about Celestia, I never wanted to meet her. But I did. And it was the worst excperiance in my life. She was a total bitch and a half. So, without further ado, please enjoy my story.

Disclaimer: I have used some other stories in the fic, so don't sue me. This story is about someone who hates Celestia for all the things she's done. I don't own any of the problems in this story. MLP:FiM is owned by Hasbro.

Published 2013-01-06 23:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-01-06 23:00:01 UTC

I'm sorry Luna.

Hey. My name is Jonathon and I'm a brony. I never wanted to go to Equestria, but here I am anyway. You are probably wondering how I got here. Well, I'll tell you.

I was walking down an old dirt road back to my home. I lived in the curry away from other people. As I was walking home I noticed a light coming from the forest next to my house. Now, I don't normally see lights coming from the forest, so I decided to check it out. Biggest mistake of my life. As I neared the light, I felt something pulling me. I tried to fight it, but I lost my footing and fell into the light. I don't know how long I was out, but I awoke to people talking. At least, I thought it was people. I couldn't understand what they were saying so I tried to open my eyes. But I couldn't. I then notice I was laying on something hard. It was a floor. I groaned in pain as I tried to lift my arm. It felt broken. I heard a gasp and something roll across the ground. Then, I was lifted up and set onto something soft. I guess it was some sort of stretcher. I could hear people yelling but still couldn't understand them. Then, everything went black.

I woke up to feel that I was on a bed. I decided it was time to open my eyes. After fighting my body for control, I finally opened my eyes and looked around. Everything was white. Shit, I was in a hospital. I looked around and saw my clothes were beside me. I reached other with my good arm and grabbed my pants. Thank god they left my underwear on. That would be weird. I managed to put my pants on and sit up. I figured I might as well try and see if I can stand. Before I could try though, the door opened and I saw what looked like a horse. It froze when it saw me, then screamed at the top of its lungs. I covered my ears in agony.

"SHUT UP," I yelled.

The horse closed its mouth and stared at me.

"Thank you."

"Y-you can talk," it said.

I heart stopped and my body froze up. Did that horse just talk? I looked over to see the horse looking at me expectantly.

"Well," it said.

It did talk! I just sat there for a moment before doing the most manly thing I could think of. I screamed; ran over to the window, and jumped. Luckily, I was on the bottom floor so I didn't die when I hit the ground. I kept running and screaming. All around me there were ponies. I knew where I was, and I didn't like it. Then I realized exactly where I was. I was in the castle's medical bay. Great, just great. I kept running until I ran into the one pony I tried to avoid. Princess Celestia. I looked at her for a second before yelling, "FUCK," and running in the other direction. I heard her shout "WAIT," and start chasing me. My inner asshole decided to chip in and I said, "MAKE ME!!!" I kept running until I made a wrong turn and found myself in the throne room.

"Oh fuck me," I said to myself as I looked around for a place to hide. There weren't any. I turned around and saw Celestia standing there with her horn glowing.

"What," I said, "You going to kill me for running away Celestia?"

I knew that wouldn't throw her off.

"How do you know my name," she asked.

"Oh, I know more than just your name you bitch. I know what you did to Luna years ago. I know that you have a perverted side of yourself locked away in you mind. I know you banished Chrysalis and killed her children for trying to survive. I even know that you want your protègè. I know everything about you."

She was speechless. She just stood there with her jaw on the ground.

"H-how..."

"You know what," I said, "Fuck you. You are the worst thing ever to exist. You have fuck up more time than I'd like to count. You are a total bitch and if I had the power I'd kill you right now for all the things you've done."

"HOW DARE YOU!!! I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD BE CALLED SUCH NAMES!!!"

"Well," I said, "You thought wrong. You are a complete fucked up molesting bitch. I know what you do and what you have done. You didn't even try to save your sister. You ignored her and then sent her to the moon because she wanted APPRECIATION! Then, you banned Chrysalis for trying to survive and feed her children. Then, you killed them because they didn't ruined a wedding. You attacked Chrysalis because she was a changeling."

"NOW STOP THERE," she yelled, "SHE ATTACKED ME FIRST!"

"No she didn't," I said, "You walked up to her saying, "Now that you have so foolishly reviled yourself, I will defend my subjects." She wasn't even attack your subjects! She was just defending her subjects. Did you know that she felt it when you killed them? She could feel them dying, their throats being cut open. She felt it like it was her dying. And she felt every single one. And you killed thousands of them. There is nothing you can do to justify what you have done. You have nothing to be proud of. Your own SISTER hasn't forgiven you for what you did. And I can't blame her. Have you ever sat in one place with nothing to do but twiddle your hoofs for a thousand years? No."

She looked down in shame.

"You're right. I've done so many terrible things. What I have done is unforgivable. I just never thought about it in someone else's perspective. I wish there was some way to make up for some of the things I've done."

"There is nothing you can do to make up for anything you've done and you know it," I said, "You will never be able to be forgiven."

She started to cry.

"BUT," I said, "You may be able to right the wrong. You can go to your sister and talk about what happened and why she did it. Maybe then you will know why she gave into Nightmare."

"You're right," she said, "I will talk to my sister immediately. But will you come with me? I may need help with this."

I nodded and followed her down the hall. We walked for about five minutes before walking up to a pair of doors the had Luna's cutie mark on them.

"Here we are," Celestia said.

I nodded and she knocked on the door. A few minutes later, Luna opened it. She saw me and looked back at Celestia.

"Sister," she said, "We would like to know why thou are here why there is a strange creature with you."

"Sister," Celestia said, "This man is here to help me. And I am here to talk with you."

Luna looked at me again; nodded her, and let us in. She nodded her head at some cushions on the floor and they sat down. I stood against the wall and just listened.

"What did you want to talk about Tia," Luna asked.

Celestia looked away nervously.

"I wanted to talk about what happened."

"What do you mean?"

"1,000 years ago," Celestia said.

Luna's eyes flared in anger.

"What about it," she asked, her words coming through clenched teeth.

"Why? Why did you do it? Was I something I did?"

Luna was really pissed now.

"YOU IGNORED ME," she shouted, causing me to cover my ears in pain, "ALL I WANTED WAS FOR SOMEPONY TO APPRECIATE MY NIGHT!!! I ASKED YOU MANY TIMES IF YOU WOULD HELP ME, BUT YOU TOLD ME TO LEAVE YOU ALONE! THAT YOU WERE BUSY AND DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO DEAL WITH ME!!!"

By now Luna was crying. I saw this and walked over to her, putting my arm around her.

"Luna," I said, trying to sooth her, "Your sister is sorry for what she did. That is why she is here. She wanted to know if it was her fault that you turned. She wanted to apologize and try to make up for it."

Luna looked up at me with teary eyes, then looked at Celestia.

"Is that true sister," she asked.

"Yes. Every last word. I'm sorry for ignoring you. I was young and did not see what I was doing to you. I never wanted to ignore you, but I realized to late that you were upset. But I did nothing to help you. It was my fault. I should have paid more attention to you. I'm so sorry."

Celestia started crying, so Luna walked over to her and hugged her.

"It's okay Tia," she said, "I forgive you."

Celestia smiled.

"Thank you. I'm so sorry. I-," Luna cut her off.

"It's okay sister. I forgive you. You didn't mean to."

Celestia nodded.

"See," I said, "All you needed to do was ask what was wrong and everything is better."

Celestia then did something that caught me completely off guard. She stood up; hugged me, and kissed me on the cheek.

"Thank you," she said, "I can never thank to enough."

"I'm just trying to help."

"By the way," Luna said, "We never got your name?"

"My name is Jonathon."

"Well Jonathon," Celestia said, "I hope we become friends."

"Me too. Now then, I think it's time to find Chrysalis, don't you?"

"I'm not looking forward to it."

"It alright. I know Chrysalis personally, so I will stop her from killing you."

"You're from earth," Celestia gasped.

"Yes. And Chrysalis is living with me."

Her eyes widen.

"Oh god. Kill me now."

"Don't worry," I said, "I won't let her kill you. She and I are in love, so she won't attack you if I'm there. Okay?"

She nodded. Then she focused and her horn glowed brightly. Then, there was a flash and we were gone.

Author's Note

Well, I hope you like it so far. I think I might have made it go to fast, but we'll see. The stories I used as inspiration were Banished by Sixpence, Princess Molestia by Streak the Fox, and a video called [MLP Motion Comic] The Real Story - Part 1 (by Nimaru).
Link to video: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=61ZaP341pqU
You will have to watch all three parts so it makes sence. I hope you guys like this story. SEE YA!!!