And the Goat You Rode in On
And the Goat You Rode in On
And the Goat You Rode in On
by Shivered Timbers
The Great and Powerful Trixie thinks that spring is a very nice time of the year, because things are green and growing and there is new life, as they say, and it is most inspiring for a pony who is trying very hard to plan revenge on the odious Twilight Sparkle. That is why Trixie has at long last come up with her greatest and most bestest revenge plan ever, that will surely lead to the downfall of the horrid and quite repulsive Twilight Sparkle: because of the spring.
Also, the pinecones are easier to eat.
Trixie will not at this point divulge her plan, lest Twilight Sparkle's network of suspicious and sneaky spies catch wind of this plan and report back to her. No, Trixie shall bide until the time is right, for she cannot act too soon. For now, she will focus on nutrition, which has been so lacking in her life these past months and which she needs to fuel her massive and oh-so-clever mind. Trixie must keep sharp for the months ahead. Soon, very soon, her plan will unfold, but not before the date on the letter she fortunately discovered floating on the breeze.
Trixie is now content to lounge in her very much not ramshackle home and bask in the glow of her own brilliance. There was much shouting in Ponyville today, which she had considered investigating, but as screams of terror, which generally accompany monster attacks, did not follow, she decided that probing the shouting was not worth the effort.
But now Trixie hears somepony coming down the road, and... he is muttering to himself. As much as Trixie would like to remain here, it is getting close to her dinnertime, so she may as well investigate this new occurrence at the same time.
Donning her cloak of darkness, which she won by tricking an elderly manticore with her dazzlingly sharp wits and natural charm, Trixie steals through the forest, making nary a sound in the light leaf litter. It is but the work of a few moments for Trixie's swift hooves to carry her over the dirt, and soon she is perched behind a tree -- it is a maple and its seeds are not yet ready for eating -- watching this... this thing.
Whoever he is -- and he is definitely a he, given the rippling abdominal muscles, enormous pectorals and amazingly broad shoulders -- he is perched rather unsteadily upon a single white goat, who, despite being quite a bit smaller than the creature, bears his weight steadily, if slowly. Yes! Trixie's great and powerful brain calculates that the goat is in fact three times smaller than the thing upon its back. And what a thing! Trixie has already mentioned his musculature, but... Well, actually, that's about it. The waist and arms seem to be comically smaller than the rest of him. (Trixie's great and powerful brain again calculates his biceps to be five times larger than his wrists!) To say nothing of his tiny, tiny black tie. I mean really!
However, what holds Trixie's fascination the most is the creature's head, and not the strong, goateed chin or the bovine nose, but the horns. This being possesses the most splendiferous pair of curved grey horns sprouting from the sides of his head that Trixie has ever had the pleasure of seeing. They must come from his temples and not his forehead only because there is simply so much of them.
Oh. Oh, Trixie has figured it out! She knows what manner of beast this be!
He is a double unicorn.
Trixie is certain of it. She has never before seen one, but she has heard the legends. That explains the horns which extend directly from his brain. No doubt this double unicorn is full of secrets and powers which Trixie can learn and use in her greatest of plans for revenge! Trixie cannot help but squeal in delight and clop her hooves together at the thought, which breaks the enchantment on her cloak of darkness, for the double unicorn has looked over at her and is waving now oops.
"Hello there!" His voice sounds like the grinding together of two very large, muscular rocks, but his smile puts Trixie at ease.
"Greetings, sir," she says, remembering to be polite. It is, after all, important to get on his good side if she wants to learn his secrets, and the legends say that double unicorns are easily offended. "What brings you to Trixie's corner of these lovely, lovely woods today?"
He raises an eyebrow. "Iron Will had no idea these woods were inhabited."
He seems standoffish. Trixie will have to use her natural charms to set him at ease.
"Trixie tries not to advertise it, Mister Will."
"You can just call me Iron, Miss Trixie, is it?"
Trixie bats her eyelashes. It puts males at ease, she knows this. "And you may just call Trixie Trixie. But the fact is, Iron, that Trixie's presence in these woods is, shall we say, a... surprise. Yes. Trixie is the surprise living in the middle of the woods, and you have found her! Congratulations!"
"Oh!" The creature's face lights up. "Well, Iron Will does like surprises. What do I win for findin' you?"
Trixie has not thought this far ahead. "Um... Well... That is a surprise also, and shall be revealed when the time is right." Trixie clears her throat and gives the double unicorn a smile so that he will not catch on to the fact that Trixie has not prepared a sufficient reward for his exploits. "Trixie wonders what brings you into these woods."
"Oh." The double unicorn appears to ponder this. "Well, truth be told, Trixie, Iron Will just came from Ponyville and was feeling kind of..."
His countenance suggests that he, too, has suffered defeat at the hooves of the odious Twilight Sparkle and her friends. "Yes? Yes?" Trixie leans forward, straining to hear; it feels as though she might almost fall over!
"Well..." The double unicorn seems reticent. "Iron Will has this service, you see. I go around giving seminars and pep talks to teach weak-willed ponies to toughen up so they aren't doormats. You know what I mean."
"Trixie does." She does not.
"Well, I don't know why I'm admitting this to you, but just today, Iron Will faced his first unsatisfied customer in... ever." The double unicorn sighs. "She was the sweetest, shiest, meekest pony Iron Will had ever met, too! And after my seminar, it seemed like everything had been going right, but... She just wasn't satisfied. So after a little retail therapy, Iron Will decided to come out here into the woods, to be alone and think about what he's learned. And then Iron Will met you! And that is the end of Iron Will's story."
Trixie understands. "You know, Iron Will, Trixie believes that we share a great deal in common."
"Oh? How's that?"
"Trixie too has faced defeat in Ponyville. And, like you, she has come out here into the woods to be alone and recoup her strength for the day when she will once again rise to triumph over that town's detestable inhabitants!"
Trixie rears and releases a burst of magic. It actually explodes this time, above her head, and though it is but a single firework and not the grand fusillade that Trixie's pronouncements require to have their full effect, it is nevertheless a marked improvement from the last time Trixie has cast this spell. Things are looking up for Trixie! Perhaps the magical influence of this double unicorn has already begun to work and is buttressing her power!
A thought occurs to Trixie. What if she can tap into the double unicorn's power? Siphon it somehow? With power that great, she will be able to enact her plan in no time! But how to go about doing this?
"Well, I wouldn't exactly call it a 'defeat'," the double unicorn replies. "I mean, I wasn't fighting anypony or anything..."
Trixie remembers now her promise to the double unicorn. She moves close to him, so that the power transfer may begin immediately upon his assent.
"Do you remember when Trixie said there was a prize for finding her?"
Iron Will raises his other eyebrow. "That was like two minutes ago. How could Iron Will forget?"
"Trixie is the prize." Trixie smiles, but it does not have the effect upon the double unicorn that she had been anticipating. He scratches between his two magnificent horns.
"You are? Wait, you don't mean..."
He looks left and right, as though expecting another pony to come trotting down the road, when nopony ever comes trotting down the road and that is why Trixie is all on her lonesome. He lowers his voice.
"You don't mean, like... sexually, do you?"
Trixie means this. To emphasize how much Trixie means this, she turns and wiggles her rump at the double unicorn. "Trixie means whatever you think she means, Iron Will."
"Well, uh... I'm not sure I can do that..."
Drat. Things are not going how Trixie planned! "Oh. You do not like mares, then?"
The tiny hands come up, and Trixie's magical senses sense the telltale threads of a defensive spell coming into place. "Oh no, no! It's not that at all! Iron Will loves the ladies, it's just, uhh..." He pulls at his collar. "Say, are these woods getting hot, or is it just me?"
Trixie tries again. She moves forward and brushes against his leg. "No, it is most definitely not just you. Trixie is feeling quite... hot herself."
Sweat begins to bead at his brow. Trixie is breaking down his defenses with her powers, but if this takes much longer, she may miss out on this opportunity! Swiftly, she leaps into the air, alighting on the double unicorn's chest and batting her eyes at him!
"Tell Trixie what the matter is."
His eyes dart back and forth. He is trembling. This means his defensive spell is nearly broken!
"I, uh..." He swallows, cringes, hesitates; Trixie shatters his defenses with a peck on the cheek.
"Well, my, uh, my little Will is kinda, y'see..."
He searches the ground. Trixie follows his eyes, on the off-chance that he has lost or found something of value, that she might sell later, but sees nothing. Instead, he finishes his statement.
"Little."
Trixie blinks. Self-esteem issues related to the stallionhood? She does not see how this is possible.
"Trixie does not understand how a creature as large and muscular as yourself could have anything but the grandest of members! Trixie demands that you show her, so that she might judge for herself your worthiness!"
His face turns red. This must be a last-ditch defensive spell! Trixie will have none of it! She leaps upon him and kisses the redness, which seems to work in that she is able to. Perhaps she misjudged his thaumaturgical aura and this is but an enhancement spell, perhaps related to the stallionhood.
"W-whoa, I, uh... That is, Iron Will does always say..." He takes a deep breath, and the grinding of his rock voice intensifies. "If somepony wants the cock, show her that you rock!"
What has Trixie gotten herself into? He clears his throat. "You might wanna stand back so you can get a better view of Iron Will in all his glory."
What Trixie assumed was black fur on his tiny legs turns out to be a pair of pants, which he unzips. Shortly afterward, he stands before Trixie, completely blue, with a pendulous and dangerously thick member hanging almost down to his hooves.
Trixie can't remember the last time she saw a cock this massive. It feel like she has, but she cannot be sure exactly when that was. It is easily the same size as his legs, short though they are, and twice as thick. Trixie will split in half if this thing goes inside her!
I can't help but find that exciting, somehow.
"Sorry if I ain't too impressive," Iron Will says sheepishly.
"I fail to see the problem," I respond, still full of awe.
He scratches the back of his head. His dick sways slightly. "Well, most guys I know need some kind of penis bag to keep 'em from dragging on the ground all the time. I just..." He sighs. "I just don't measure up."
Then he does something unexpected. He turns slightly away from me, though I can still see that his eyes are full of sadness, and just keeps on talking.
"Iron Will got into the self-esteem improvement biz because of his own esteem issues. Once I was fully grown everywhere but... down there, I knew I'd never be able to compete with the other guys. I started working out, learned to shout instead of talk, practiced blustering and pushing others around." He looks over his shoulder at me, with a little half-smile. "Not bullying, mind, just not taking crap from anypony. It's kept everyone from prying, at least. It's just a very lonely kind of life."
Wiping my eyes on one hoof, I reach up with the other and gently pat him on the shoulder.
"Ah, you don't wanna hear that about that, though."
"No, it's all right... I understand how show business can force one into a life of solitude. You put on airs, bluster and boast, and then suddenly that's all that you are." I smile at him as he looks at me. "Besides, size is all relative. You may not measure up to your peers, but from where I stand, you are quite the prize."
He grins and laughs softly. "Thanks. I appreciate that." He stretches, then turns to me, displaying a fully erect member. "Looks like you got me excited," he says, looking down at himself. "So, speaking of prizes..."
I turn my backside to him. "Come claim yours."
Wait, why am I a prize again? I forget why I'm doing this. I'm not even sure what's going on right now. But that's about all the time I have to wonder before his thick tip presses against my hindquarters.
"Oof! Gently, please!"
"Of course! If you can't treat her nice, then don't even look twice!"
He slides forward. Oh, oh, oh! This is way more stallion than I've ever taken before! But somehow he's fitting in me! I simply cannot believe this. My mind is overcome by this sensation, this full-body experience of being filled by this... this...
"Iron Will's glad, by the way, that you're sounding better."
I try to respond, but all that comes out are moans.
"Yeah, you were kinda talkin' crazy when I first saw you, but now it sounds like you're a-okay. No worries about doing this, then!" He begins to pump into me, very slowly, which is good because I do not want to not feel a single inch of him within me. "You want the cock 'cause you know that I rock!"
He's not going to keep rhyming, is he? I'm not sure I can take... Oh Celestia, never mind the rhymes, he's filling me up with this incredible staff! This is already the most incredible fucking I have ever experienced, and he's not even thrusting hard!
His hands, strong and powerful, grip my croup. He could probably lift me easily with just one of those muscular arms. He could probably lift me on his stallion rod alone! But instead, he starts working his hips against mine, and Celestia above does that feel amazing! I've never been so thoroughly penetrated or stretched so tightly before!
"You're so nice and tight, I could fuck you all night!"
I just have this feeling he's going to keep rhyming.
I press against him and groan. I am determined to enjoy this, rhymes or no rhymes! Why am I so determined to enjoy this again? I'm not even certain why this particular gentleman is currently doing such deliciously tantalizing things to my behind!
"Before you're all done, why not double the fun?" He clears his throat. "Say, uh, Trixie, if ya don't mind... My friend over here, he, uh... He doesn't get a lot of action, or even attention, if you know what I mean..."
I look for the 'friend' he speaks of, but the only pony around is... the goat. It's a white goat, standing blank-eyed in a long black tie and collar. I'm fairly certain it's wearing a headset. He can't possibly mean the goat.
"The goat?" I ask, just to make certain.
"The goat. His name's Rufus."
I look at Rufus again. He stares at me and blinks.
"Is he... sentient?"
There's a pause in the thrusting. "Well, sure! Rufus, c'mon over here! This little lady's lookin' to show you a good time!"
Trixie is? She does not remember having decided this. As this Rufus moves toward her, she can see that he is getting rather giddy. His expression does not change, but a thing slides out between his legs. It is pink and long, and Trixie has a feeling she is going to become very well acquainted with it.
"When she opens wide," says the double unicorn behind Trixie, "slide your dick inside!"
Trixie does as bidden, if only because the double unicorn is making her behind feel most pleasantly wonderful. Her mouth opens to squeal and then the long pink Rufus thing is in her mouth. The Rufus looks at her and a large vapid grin pops onto his face. Trixie wishes he would stop looking at her.
His thingy tastes of... goat. That is the only way Trixie can describe it. It pokes her in the back of the mouth as the double unicorn pushes his ramrod deeper and deeper inside of her. Oh, it feels like Trixie might burst! But this is good! This means the double unicorn is filling her with his power! And even better, Trixie has noticed that the Rufus has two horns. Adding them up, this means at least three times the magical power for Trixie.
Trixie has gotten lucky!
Unfortunately, the taste is simply overwhelming. Trixie is not certain she can keep this up until the transfer of magical energy has completed. But she must! For her glorious purpose, she must persevere!
"To make her a slut, just come in her butt!"
What?
Oh blast it, Trixie just made a rhy--
A large something has removed itself from inside Trixie. She rocks backward, and the Rufus makes a horrible whinny sound before transferring his magic all over Trixie's face. Trixie makes sure to lick off what she can and get as much inside her as possible. Yes, this is good!
After a moment, however, Trixie feels that large something once again, only... higher than before. No! What is going on with Trixie's backside? Eek, what a horrible place to put a thing! She can feel hot magic seeping into her bottom, however. Hopefully that is enough!
"How was that, Rufus?" the double unicorn asks as the large thing pulls from Trixie's rear. "Didja have a good time?"
The Rufus nods and then Trixie sees him raise a hoof and slap it against the double unicorn's hand. Whatever in the world could this strange ritual mean?
"I gotta tell ya, Trixie," the double unicorn says, "that felt really good. And you're totally right: I shouldn't be worried about my size at all. Compared to you ponies, I'm a titan!" There is a slap against Trixie's rump. She does not recall having said these things!
"Thanks for listenin' to me, Trixie, and for givin' Iron Will the confidence he needed to move on past his failures. Tomorrow's a new day, after all!" He walks over to his pants and pulls them up. How his large firehose fits inside them, Trixie cannot be sure. Certainly, it is but another show of his power. Trixie licks more magic fluid from her face.
"I've got a new philosophy on life: Forget the rest, just show 'em your best! I'm gonna do that from now on!" He flashes a shiny grin to Trixie. "I tell ya, Trixie, you oughta consider takin' up therapy. Sex therapy even! I feel like a new minotaur! C'mon, Rufus, let's get on to the next town!"
The double unicorn jumps upon his Rufus, waves, and they stroll off down the path through the forest. Trixie suddenly feels cold, and pulls her cloak of invisibility around her shoulders. It is not providing much warmth.
Perhaps he is right, though. With Trixie's keen powers of observation, natural charm and phenomenal brain power, perhaps psychiatry is more her calling. She could certainly do it on the side, consulting with rich ponies who've lost the love in their marriage, perhaps. She will have to take this under great consideration. The minotaur's advice has been the best--
Wait a moment.
Minotaur?
TRIXIE THOUGHT HE WAS A DOUBLE UNICORN!
"Curse you, Iron Will!" Trixie shakes her hooves at the heavens! "You may have tricked the Great and Powerful Trixie this time, but you have not heard the last of her!"
Suddenly Trixie is blind! Perhaps the heavens have seen fit to smite her eyes for her wicked ways at long last! No, please, Trixie will be good!
She scrabbles at her eyes and feels something papery. What could this be? Trixie reads it!
Dear Twily,
I know it's been a long time since I wrote you or anything, so I hope you're not mad. Once I tell you what I've been up to lately, though, there's no way you'll be anything but happy!
I'm getting married, Twilight! When you get the invitation, it'll say "I cordially invite you to the wedding of Shining Armor and Princess Mi Amore Cadenza" or something like that, so I'm telling you right now: It's Cadence! I bet it won't come as any surprise, considering we've sort of been an item for a while, but now it's going to be totally official!
I don't have much more time to write. I'll let the invitation fill you in on the details. Just know that I love you and I can't wait to see you at the wedding.
Till then,
Your Big Brother, Best Friend Forever!
Shining Armor
P.S.: I'd like you to be my best mare. Think it over, please?
What luck! Trixie has in fact stumbled upon the perfect method to enact her revenge on the horrible, the terrible, the unmitigatedly odious Twilight Sparkle! Thank you, heavens! Trixie is sorry for doubting you!
But before Trixie begins planning her revenge on Twilight Sparkle, she should go wash up. There is magic Rufus juice sliding down her neck, and it is very unpleasant.
Author's Note
Arr mateys, 'tis been a long time comin', but finally, 'ere it be! This be a proper series now, eh? Rest assured, season 3 canon ain't affected this story none. In fact, it's 'elped me out, and how! Stay tuned for the (sometime) next installment, when we'll get a bit o' explanation as to what's gone on in poor Trixie's life t'bring 'er t' such ruin.
Many thanks t' Alexstrazsa of Equestria After Dark an' the fine fellers o' the Red Fic District fer all their 'elp an' support!
-Shivered Timbers, the Porn Pirate
