WHY!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

by SecretPerson

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Random, Slice of Life, Human
Length: 1280

Most bronies will say that going to Equestria and becoming a pony would be great, right? Well I for one don't care if there hooves work or they have magic, I am NOT giving up aposable thumbs! But every brony just loves Human in Equestria.

Most bronies will say that going to Equestria and becoming a pony would be great, right? Well I for one don't care if their hooves work or they have magic, I am NOT giving up opposable thumbs!
But every brony just loves Human in Equestria, so screw you people for overdoing the same thing over and over again until fate decided to do it to me!

So, apparently I ended up here In my sleep, and it seams, I am a pony… Dammit… So to unveil my ultimate plan to get back! I shall do absolutely nothing!!! If I bore fate enough, this will become the most boring fanfiction ever and I will get to go home! Let my stubbornness help me!

So here we are, a frist person fic were someone who hates this whole concept is thrown into the cliche' by me.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-01-07 13:50:01 UTC

Screw you guys, I'm going home!

It has been the most normal day for this her Iowa Brony, went to church, sat around, watched ponies, and ate a π.

Most of the time I go online and watch youtube and go on a few Pony sites, sometimes political sites, and type.

Today, I happened to be revising on of my fanfictions on Fimfiction.net. I do like the site and it's community most of the time, but today it seams to be suffering from a case of Shipfics and Human in Equestria Fics, HHHHNNNNNG!

Sorry, I almost died.

Well, I don't hate shipping or Human in Equestria, it's just that they have been done so much it is like you could read a whole story of the same think with every possible variable imaginable. Although I have not read a shipfic yet, due to my lac of taste for Romance already, I am beginning to consider reading one...

When suddenly, EMAIL ATTACK!

"HOLY S***! I Have a new Email!" I shouted by accident.

My mom yelled upstairs "What did you say?"

"Um, nothing!" I reply hoping to dear lord she doesn't come upstairs.

In case your wondering, I am an "open brony" to all of my school friends, but at home I keep my mouth shut, unless it is politics. Though I do have a plan for if my parents figure out, I just won;t treat it like it;s anything more than me liking the show.

Anyway, so on with the email on Fimfiction.

I go ahead and click it, and am presented with the following message...

HELLO FELLOW HUMAN!

My name is (Insert Name here), and I would like to give you this one time offer everypony I mean Brony will love! I will give you the offer, yes or no.

Do you want to become a pony in Equestria? If yes, Reply with yes, if no, reply with no.

PS: Political rants will be met with Extreme keyboard firepower.

"Uhhhh, let me think..." I say sarcastically, before preparing the Chuggaconroy "NOOOOO!".

So I then send him a full rant as to why I would hate being a pony. I knew it was likely some weirdo just asking every member of the site, but I can't resist ranting.

Suddenly, I notice it is now 5:00 am, and I have been up all night on ponies.

"Dammit! I have school tomorrow! I think they won;t mind me being tardy on such a worthy excuse." I say to the air.

"I think sleep deprivation is making me crazy..." I say also to myself realizing I am talking to myself, "Time for bed!"

So the next thing to happen was the most magical moment of my life, I took the most wonderful hot shower EVER, and went to sleep like a pig, or, dog, or... screw you.

So, can you guess what happens next? let me start...

"I have a dream!", That I eat never-ending supplies of Twinkies, Snowballs, and all dem goods. As it saddens me that Hostess is gone.

Then, I wake up.

Immediately following my body nervous system check, I discover a problem, were are my fingers?

I slowly open my eyes, to see I a outside.

"No..."

Then, I discover I am lying in grass, and seam to have a little more hair.

"No no no..."

And then, I look at my body...

"no No No No NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!"

I immediately went to pinch myself, although, I found it hard to do so with hooves.

"Screw you! Screw all of you! If this is a dream, I will lay here till I wake up! And if not! I will ly here until you send me the F*** back!!!!" I yelled to the heavens, generally pissed off.

To my despair, I noticed the "getting pissed off to change the dream" approach has failed me, so either this is one tough dream or god became a big smelly willy.

"You know what! I don;t care anymore! I will just lay here, and make whoever's fanfiction this is as boring as possible!"

With that, I layed back, stretched out, and did the classic hippie dead wait move, hehe, no way fate will leave me here if things are THIS boring.

*1 hour later*

While laying around with the most unimpressed face one could think of, I heard a voice.

"What the hay is that?" said the southern voice.

"Ooooh noooo -_-" I think to myself, "So yah think you can just throw Applejack at me and things will become interesting? We will see about that!"

Applejack, being the plot device she is, trotted up to me, and looked me in the eyes, as I stared blankly trying to look as void of thought as possible.

"Hello there, is something wrong with yah?" She asked

I sit there silent.

"Hello! Anypony home?" She askes loudly in my face.

I immediately reply quietly to myself "I hate god d*** pony terminology."

"What did yah say?" she asked.

Realizing this one had noticed my mumbling, I thought of something quick. Maybe if I acted like the craziest thing she ever saw, she would leave me be.

"BROKEN BREWKEN BRAKEN! SO SEW SEW SOE SOA BROKEN! WE ARE SORRY, THE NUMBER YOU HAVE DIALED IS OUT OF PORK CHOPS! PLEASE INSERT SOME UGLY SHOES AND CHEW ON SOME GUM TO EAT THE FRIES!"

Nailed it.

In Response, the jerk bucked me in the face and ran off yelling some stuff.

"Now ReAllY aM bRoKEn! PaIn deTEcTeD iN GUt!" I spat out, as I held my gut trying not to die.

I then rolled onto my side, and yelled to the heavens "Somone! Please! End this now!"

Not long after, I heard noise like someone, or I mean, F***ING PONY, approaching.

"There he is!" said the jerk who just kicked me.

"Okay, I got this!" said what I recognized as the annoying but somewhat awesome Rainbow Dash.

In response to this, I decided to change tactics too playing dead. Not long after I seal my eyes shut, I can feel the flapping of wings over my annoying new body.

"Are you sure he was alive?" asked Rainbow Dash, "He looks way to scrawny to withstand even a light kick."

In return, I bit my lip, and kept my eyes shut.

I heard the sound of landing right beside me, and felt breath on my face.

"Oh dear lord don't kiss Me! Wait, I thought of that, ew... I thought, which perhaps means either I was overly parnoid about the author of this reality story turning everything into a romance, or I had something for Rainbow Dash... Please don't be the latter...

"Hmm, seams like some new pony from the city who got lost and could not handle the wilderness of a small grass field." Said Rainbow Dash, getting on my nerves.

At this point I really wanted to tell her off on how I can handle wilderness of winter and summer Iowa, but instead I bit my tongue till it damn near bleed.

"But anyway, I say we take him to Twilight's and..."

"NOOO!" I yell at the top of my lungs, "YOU ARE THE MOST ANNOYING TECHNICOLOR PEGASUS I HAVE EVER HEARD! AND CONSIDERING YOUR THE FIRST THAT SHOULDN'T MAKE A DIFFERENCE! BUT YOUR VOICE IS ANNOYING AS HELL AND YOU HAVE NOTHING PRODUCTIVE TO SAY! SO GO TO PURGATORY AND WIAT TILL I GET SENT HOME!!!!!!"

What followed was tons of pain to my face as I took back hooves to the face, and flew I don't know how many yards away. At this point, all I am thinking is WHY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!...