There once was a hedgehog named Thomas. He enjoyed eating cranberries late at night... He would sneak out of his house, away from his wife Rainbow Dash. He slipped out the window and jumped down a ledge, landing in the lush, green forest known as the Everfree. He sniffed and looked around.
It smelt of pine cones, honey, and... Murkiness... And rabbit shit. Never forgot about the rabbit shit!
“Delicious!” Thomas said as he walked down a path. Nothing got him excited like a good pile of rabbit shit.
He saw a timberwolf cave about fifty feet to his left and started to walk away from it.
When all of a sudden, “BOO!” A timberwolf had snuck up behind him and bit him in the back.
“YOU DON’T HAVE ENOUGH BADGES TO TRAIN ME!” Thomas screamed and punched the timberwolf in the face.
“I HAVE ALL THE BADGES!” The timberwolf said, recoiling in pain. “So, what’s your name?”
“I’m Dougless.” Thomas lied. “Who’re you?”
The timberwolf looked him dead in the eye. “ I'm Gangnam Style.”
Thomas burst out laughing. “SERIOUSLY!?!?”
The timberwolf lost its temper and pounced Thomas to the ground. Snapping an arm off in the process.
“GAAAHH!!” Thomas screamed as his arm was viciously torn off, the blood spewing all over the place.
The timberwolf sunk its teeth deep into Thomas’ neck. Then, with a single swing of its head and a loud ROAAAAAAAAAARRR it ripped Thomas’ head clean off, causing blood to fly around the place.
Rainbow awoke to the sound of her spouse screaming. So she immediately flew over to his location.
She jumped to the ground and landed with a resounding “Plomp” noise. She looked down and noticed she had gotten her foot stuck in litteral bullshit.
She screamed at the top of her lungs, “TOOOOOOOOOOOOOMAAAAAAAAAAASSSS!!!!!!!!”
Thomas’ bloody head stayed there. Unmoving. Next to her leg.
Rainbow Dash burst into tears. Then she put a gun up to her head. “FUCK THE WORLD!” She pulled the trigger.
BALM.
Darkness.
“Ohh no!” Gangnam Style cried. “She was SO beautiful!”
Gangnam Style, grief struck, walked down the small pathway that lead to Sweet Apple Acres. As she arrived she instantly saw 6 ponies walking down the path from the house to the barn.
Bright orange mare, yellow mane. Applejack.
Bright orange filly, purple mane. Scootaloo... Nice ass...
Bright red stallion, yellow mane. Big Mac.
Bright yellow filly, red mane. Apple Bloom.
Plain white filly, pink/purple mane. Sweetie Belle.
Dark red colt... Yellow mane? Who’s that?
“Hmm... Gotta get a peice of dat Scootaloo ass!” Gangnam Style said aloud as she put on a strap on.
She waited until Apple Bloom, Big Macintosh and Applejack were inside the barn, having their daily threeway, like they always did after work. She then looked around.
Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle and the unknown red dude stood by the door, in hopes of being allowed in.
Gangnam Style saw her opertunity to get some of that Scootaloo ass. She made a loud ROAAR!
The three of them panicked and ran in different directions.
She charged at Scootaloo, "You're MINE!"
"NOO!" Scootaloo yelled for help, of course nopony could hear her over the moans of pleasure coming from AppleJack inside the barn.
BANG.
Gangnam Style fell to the ground, dead.
"Ohh thank you!" Scootaloo said as she looked over to the previously unnamed red colt, Flaming.
"T'was a pleasure Mi'lady." He smiled and put down the shotgun.
Scootaloo put on a lusty voice and said, "Speaking of pleasure..."
Flame saw where this was going and tackled her to the ground. He had penetrated her in 10. Seconds. Flat.
They made sweet, passionate lurrrve all day.
He kissed her on the cheek. "Love you Scootsie!"
She blushed, "Thank god kids can't get pregnant!"
She was wrong.
Her father forced Flame marry her at the age of 10, he did so at gunpoint. Stupid rednecks and their shotgun weddings...
"C'mon Scoots!" Apple Bloom said as she pulled Scootaloo towards the barn.
"I'm coming!" Scootaloo replied as she tried to keep up with her friend.
She felt a sharp pain in her neck.
She awoke to the sound of crying. It sounded familiar, it was almost calming. Then she realised why it was familiar... It was Sweetie Belle. She would have looked for Sweetie, but everything was dark and she seemed to be tied to the floor, unable to move.
Then she realised her eyes were closed.
She opened them and looked around.
Large, empty room. Apple Bloom was standing infront of her. She tried to call out, but she had been gagged.
Apple Bloom turned around, a lusty smile on her face.
She walks around a tied down Scootaloo and looked at her plot. She walked back around and ripped the gag away from Scootaloo.
"Stop being such a creeper!" Scootaloo tried to escape from the ropes.
"Thatssssss a bee nice plot you have there..." Apple Bloom smiled. "It would be a, sssssssssssshame if something were to happen to it."
Scootaloo noticed one of the ropes was lose. She wriggled out of it and punched Apple Bloom. Running away like the chicken she was.
Apple Bloom sighed. She walked to the other room which contained Sweetie Belle shackled to the wall.
Big Macintosh walked into the room and looked straight towards Sweetie, licking his lips. He walked over and just as he started to lick her marehood, Apple Bloom left.
She could still hear Sweetie Belle giggling from the other side of the door.
School.
Boring.
Sex Ex.
Less boring.
Cheerilee and Big Macintosh were giving a demonstration.
Then she told every pony to get with a partner.
However, all the boys in the school were absent that day.
Snips and snails were most likely ditching.
And the others were probably sick with the "pony flu" that had been going around.
Flame, however, wasn't absent.
So he had sex with them all.
And they all got pregnant.
Then Kurt Cobain and Nicolas Cage burst into the room with shotguns and killed them all.