A Changeling's Endeavors into the Subtle Art of Wooing Mares

by airbournesquid

Rating: teen
Tags: Other, Romance, Changelings, Comedy, Caramel, Main 6, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark
Length: 67747

Caramel is a changeling, and is after the heart of Applejack. Lucky for him, everypony is willing to give him some dating advice.

Caramel is a pony of many secrets, one of which being that he isn't actually a pony at all. Revealing his true identity to his beloved marefriend Applejack turns out to be a far more painful experience than he had originally believed, and now he is left alone and heartbroken. Perhaps, with the help of the professional tips on mare courting everypony seems so inclined to give him, he can win her back? With advice like this, not likely.

Be warned, this fic includes terrible dating advice.

Cover art created by a very generous MindEdge.

Published 2013-01-20 21:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-09-06 19:31:32 UTC

Confessions

The pristine and pale light of the moon cut through the half-closed curtains and illuminated Applejack's golden mane. It shone with an ethereal white glow, which strangely reminded Caramel of the ever-flowing manes which the princesses sported. He smiled and adjusted himself in the bed, freeing himself from the lover’s knot which she held him in. She stirred and pawed at the spot where he had laid, subconsciously yearning for him to return to the sweet embrace.

His smile widened as she shuffled upon the mattress and dragged the sheets closer to her breast, holding them as if they were a lover. She buried her muzzle into the crumpled pile of sheets and sighed contently, her nose settling on a patch of the cloth that was thick with his scent. Her orange forelegs circled around the covers and gave them a tight squeeze.
Caramel stifled a giggle. The mare had a hug that could break a stallion's spine.
He brushed some stray locks of mane out of her face before bending over and planting a gentle, lingering kiss on her freckled cheek. As he pulled away, he noticed that she was smiling.

"Ah'm startin' ta think yer a little bit too mushy fer mah tastes," she said, blindly reaching out to him with a hoof. "watchin' me whilst ah sleep an' all... Y'all been readin' those love stories again, haven't ya?" Her eyelids clicked open, revealing the brilliant pair of emerald irises that hid beneath them. He took hold of her outstretched foreleg and cradled it to his chest, revelling in the intimacy of her soft touch.

"You're pretty when you're asleep." he stated bluntly, staring out of the window. He knitted his brow in thought as he calmly considered the madness of what he was about to do.

Another foreleg wrapped across Caramel's waist and linked with the one he held, encompassing him in a strong and reassuring hug. The warmth of Applejack's breath licked the back of his neck, sending a quiver of excitement down his spine. She rested her chin on his shoulder and nuzzled his cheek affectionately. This wasn't the first time she'd caught him watching her whilst she slept. In fact, he had been doing it a lot lately, and he was hardly subtle about it. Although when it came to Caramel, nothing was subtle. The poor stallion couldn't keep quiet for the life of him.

She gave his ear a playful nibble before whispering in to it.
"Y'know, yer probably one of the strangest stallions ah’ve ever met, an' ah love you for it."

"What if I wasn't a stallion..."

"Hmm?"

"Would you love me if I wasn't a stallion?" reiterated Caramel seriously, turning his to lock eyes with his lover.

Applejack drew back, eyeing her coltfriend with suspicion. 'What if I wasn't a stallion'. Just what kind of question was that? She shook her head dismissively, promptly chalking it up to that wild imagination of his. Caramel said some weird things from time to time, but that was just who he was. Some ponies called him a psycho, which was kind of true, but he was her psycho, and she wouldn't have him any other way.

"Sure ah would," she said nonchalantly whilst tightening her hold around his waist. "ah'd love you if you were just about anythin'!"
Caramel beamed as Applejack reassured her love for him. 'Maybe, just maybe...'

"How about if I was a diamond dog?" he asked humorously.

"Yup."

"A dragon?"

"Yup."

"A griffon?"

Applejack chewed the inside of her cheek and 'hmm'ed mockingly, earning herself a playful peck on the nose.
"Yup."

"... A changeling?"

The farm mare's smile faded slightly and her eyes darted momentarily to the side.
"Well..."

If anypony else had asked her this, she would have probably screamed 'no' in their faces at the top of her lungs. As an Element of Harmony she'd learnt to accept different cultures and species, far more so than most other ponies, who were, in her opinion, ridiculously xenophobic. However, she had her limits. Could she really love an emotion-eating, insectoid beast bent on conquest and destruction?
If said beast was him, then yes. Yes she could.

"Ah suppose." she said with a shrug, nestling herself further into his back and inhaling the musky smell of his coat. A smirk crossed her lips as she noticed the hint of raspberry soap he had used this morning. Somepony ought to tell him that he was using a body wash designed for mares.

For a while they stayed like that, basking in the simple joy and love of the moment. Caramel had gone back to staring out of the window and taking in the sheer vastness of the night sky whilst casually stroking Applejack's foreleg. Outside the stars glimmered like brilliant diamonds under the light, clustering around the perfectly white full moon. He didn't know any constellations, nor did he want to. The night was all the more beautiful to him when shrouded in mystery, but could the same be said for him?

'She'd still love me... wouldn't she?'

He let out an exasperated sigh and rubbed his temples with his free hoof. When did love become so damned confusing? When did something as rudimentary as food become so complicated?

Since when does a changeling fall in love with a pony?

"Caramel?" muttered the sweet voice of his lover. "Is somethin' wrong?"

This couldn't go on. Not like this. He wouldn’t, couldn’t just keep on lying to her like he was. She was his marefriend, she had a right to know the truth.

"Yes, actually. You see, there's something I need to tell you- show you- about me." he sighed again and began fidgeting with a whorl of bed sheets. "But... I'm not sure if you want to see it."
'Just what in tartarus do you think you're doing? Are you seriously going to show her? Do you really believe she'll still want you after she sees what you really are?'

Applejack pulled back her forelegs from Caramel and peeled herself from his body. He could smell the sweet aroma of her love give way to the sour tinge of distrust. He'd been hiding something from her, and she wasn't happy.

"Ah ain't no filly, Caramel. If there's somethin’ y'all need ta show me, ya better come out with it now." her voice was stern and demanding. He knew Applejack well enough to know that when she used that voice, she wasn't going to stop until she got an answer.
How ironic that she was sleeping with a natural born liar.

He sighed solemnly. "Are you sure? When you see... what I'm about to show you...we won't be able to go back." he sighed again and began drawing small circles on the bed with a hoof. He knew she would persist, because that was just who she was, but still, he wistfully hoped that she would drop it. That she would just say 'okay' and let the harsh truth remain uncovered.

Of course, she persisted.

"Caramel. Show me."

"... Okay."

He closed his eyes in concentration and began to peel away the disguise he had worn for over a year. A spout of electric green flame engulfed his form. The neat brown mane which he had made a show of brushing every day burned away, replaced with a short dorsal fin. His tan coat fizzled into jet black chitin, and his hooves twisted into sleek, black appendages. A pair fangs as white as the moon itself crawled out from under his lip and glistened in the moonlight. He opened his eyes, revealing two empty pools of cerulean blue.

...
...
...

Silence.

"No." croaked Applejack finally. Caramel could feel her bright green eyes boring into the back of his head as she uttered the single, condemning syllable. The steady flow of love she had been giving him boiled into a fiery stream of hate and contempt, and before he knew it her hooves were gripping him once again, only this time it was much less passionate and far more threatening.

This was going to hurt.

A lot.

Breakups Hurt

Caramel twisted his head to the side, wincing at the sharp bolt of pain which shot through his neck. He must have bruised it on his fall from the second storey. He laid face down in the dirt, surrounded by a halo of broken glass. Perhaps the next time he decided to reveal his true form to a pony he'd make sure to check that he wasn't near any windows first.

He flopped himself onto his back and stared disbelievingly at the shattered remnants of what used to be a pane of glass. A few bucks to the face he could've handled and wholly understood... but getting thrown out of a window?

The front door to the quaint Apple family home burst open with a thunderous bang, revealing a bloodthirsty, red eyed Applejack. She bared her teeth in an animalistic snarl as she slowly stomped towards him, kicking up small clouds of dust with every step.
Dear Chrysalis, was she... growling?

Caramel instinctively began to pedal himself away from the vicious, imposing farm pony.

"N-now Applejack, be reasonable!" he spluttered, picking his words carefully. "We can talk about this, t-there's no reason to overreact!"
Bad choice of words...

"Overreact? OVERREACT?" the changeling winced as she raised her voice. "Ah trusted you, cherished you an' loved you fer over a year, an' y'all tell me not ta OVERREACT?" she spat out each syllable with disgust. Every word stabbed at the changeling's heart, dashing any hope he had of salvaging their relationship. "Oh, ah'll show ya overreactin'..."

Caramel's back met the trunk of one of the many apple trees that dotted the orchards. Applejack drew closer still, her eyes now twitching with rage. He swore that he could see small tongues of flame flickering in her irises.
If looks could kill, he'd be dead.

"Come on now Applejack, baby, please!" he whimpered as soothingly as possible. "Y-you wouldn't hurt little old me, would you? I mean, I'm still your coltfriend, right?"

"Ah ain't yer baby an' you definitely ain't mah coltfriend!" she replied coldly. "An' ah intend ta do a little more than hurt y'all!" she closed the gap between them and thrust a hoof into his chest, pinning him to the floor. Applejack pressed her weight down upon him, squeezing the air out of his lungs. "Ah'm gunna squash you like the bug you are, changeling."

*Knock knock knock*

Twilight grumbled in annoyance as she hauled herself out of bed. She snatched her alarm clock from her desk as she passed it and glared at its face, grinding her teeth together in anger. It was two in the morning, just who in tartarus goes around knocking on doors at TWO in the MORNING? Her purple aura of magic engulfed the brush which she kept on the shelf and ran it through her knotted purple mane.

*Knock knock knock knock knock*

"Just a minute!" she barked. For Celestia's sake, she was starting early tomorrow! Why couldn't Equestria just cut her a little slack? After all, she'd saved it twice. All she was asking for in return was a few more precious hours of sleep. Was that really too much to ask?

*Knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock*

Evidently so.

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" she snapped at the door as she made her way down the stairs. Whatever this pony had to say better be good, because currently, Twilight Sparkle was NOT a happy mare. "What?" she growled as she opened the door.
Her fury melted away as soon as she saw who was standing in front of her.

Applejack stood in the doorway, her glassy emerald eyes fixed on the ground. Her ears were splayed across her skull, and her mouth was bent in an emotionless frown. She was wearing her mane un-braided, letting it flow freely in the light breeze. The Stetson she commonly wore was tilted downwards, cloaking her grim face in shade. There was something led across her back, struggling and moaning in agony.

"Twi, I need ya to send somepony... something to the princess..." she croaked, keeping her gaze fixed firmly on the floor.
With a slow and calm movement, she removed her squirming package and hurled it past Twilight, where it hit the floorboards with a thud and a weak 'oof'. Twilight examined the wriggling bundle of rope and chitin with wide-eyed shock. Was that a changeling?

"Applejack!" she began, turning back to her friend. "Where did you-" Twilight cut herself off as soon as she realised that she was talking to an empty doorway. Applejack was walking solemnly into the distance, her silhouette melting into the other shadows of the night. "Applejack?" she called again to the depressed mare retreating into the darkness. "What's wrong?"
Applejack remained as silent as a spectre, and sliding away into the dark.

A green flash of fire awoke Princess Celestia from her slumber. She peeled her champagne pink eyes open to find an eloquently bow-tied roll of parchment resting against the tip of her nose, a crimson splotch of wax binding it shut. The small insignia stamped into the wax told her that it was a message from none other than her faithful student, Twilight Sparkle. But what in the world would coax the purple unicorn into sending a message at this hour? She may be a sun goddess, but even goddesses needed sleep.

As much as she wanted to, Celestia did not ignore the neat little piece of paper. If Twilight was sending messages at two in the morning, then it was bound to be about something important. She unfurled the parchment, and began to read.

Dear Princess Celestia

This may come as a shock to you, but Spike and I have received a changeling, and would be gracious if you could come and remove him from the premises as soon as possible. I ask of you not to worry, for I am quite safe. However, I'm afraid that the same cannot be said for our guest. I implore you once again to hurry, for I fear that the changeling may be in urgent need of medical attention. You'll understand when you see it for yourself.

P.S. It was like this when we found it. Honest.

Princess Celestia leapt from her four-poster bed and hastily threw on her golden regalia. If there was a changeling in Ponyville, then Twilight, as well as the rest of the town's inhabitants, were in danger whether they knew it or not. Changelings were a foe of many numbers, and she severely doubted the possibility of there being only one residing in the entirety of Ponyville. If Twilight had found one, then there were bound to be more.

"It doesn't look too... healthy." murmured Spike. He watched the changeling bound in rope from across the room, a big wad of pity building up inside of him. Spike disliked changelings as much as any pony, but he couldn't help but feel as if Applejack had taken it a step too far.

The changeling in question was curled up on the carpet in the foetal position, a length of rope binging his forelegs to his sides. One of its bulbous sapphire eyes had swollen shut, whilst the other rolled around lazily in its socket. It was missing a fang, which Spike presumed had been knocked out of the poor thing's mouth, which had a balled pair of socks crammed into it. Perhaps the strangest thing, though, was the two words scrawled on the changeling's forehead in red marker pen.

'Lying pig.'

"Yeah," said Twilight, eyeing the battered creature with concern. "Applejack really went to town."

"Uh, Twilight?"

"Yes Spike?"

"Do you mind if we take the socks out of its mouth? It seems a little overkill."
Twilight eyed the dirty pair of socks clogging the shape shifter’s airways with distain. Writing slander on somepony's forehead was bad enough, but gagging them with used socks?

"Agreed." she answered finally.

A plume of violet magic encapsulated the socks and unplugged them from the changeling's gob. Said changeling immediately broke into a violent fit of coughing and retching, spitting out the vile taste of sweat that the used pair of socks had left lingering on his tongue.

"Thank-" it began before being cut off by another fit of gagging. "you."

Twilight narrowed her eyes in suspicion. Its voice was eerily ponylike... eerily familiar. A cold shiver ran down her spine. A voice like that didn't belong on a creature like this. It was kind of like hearing a cat bark, or a cow tweet, or Spike apologise. It simply wasn't natural. She cautiously moved herself closer, analysing the creature's alien body. She'd never had the chance to examine one before, well not in detail anyways. All the others she'd met had either tried to bite her face off or left her for dead at the bottom of a dank, deserted mine. Maybe now that she had one that was actually willing to speak to her she could finally-

Her line of thought ended abruptly a Spike picked up a ruler and prodded the changeling in the gut.

"Hey Twi, check this out," he called to her excitedly before returning his attention to the creature's underbelly. "it's all squidgy underneath!" he ended his statement with another firm jab to the changeling's stomach, eliciting a small cough from its lips. "Neat."

"Spike!" snapped Twilight, using her magic to tear the ruler away from the young drake's grasp. "Stop poking our prisoner!"

"But Twilight," he said in a long, drawn out moan. "it's so weird!" he reached for the ruler hovering in mid-air, only for Twilight to lift it higher. "Puhleeaaase?"

"No means no Spike!" she stomped a hoof on the ground, swiftly ending the dragon's pleas. Spike crossed his arms with a 'hmph' and sat himself down next to the changeling, grumbling curses under his breath. Twilight was such a killjoy.

Applejack stared out into the orchards, oblivious to the cold breeze glancing across her withers. She felt... betrayed? Angry? Sad? She didn't know. The swelling ball of emotion in her chest was a new and painful experience. Her stomach twisted into a tight knot, each breath crawled out of her mouth in a ragged wheeze, and her eyes stung with the imminence of tears.
Her thoughts drifted to Caramel, and all of his weird quirks and habits. She thought about his clumsiness, the terrible jokes he made, his complete and utter lack of cooking skills, how he insisted on taking Applebloom to school on Thursdays because he 'liked the company', his fear of the dark (which she constantly teased him about), the firm yet delicate way he would kiss her every morning as she woke before whispering a subtle 'I love you' into her ear...

Lies. Nothing but sweet, loveable lies.

A traitor, a fiend, a cheat, a monster, Caramel, or whatever that thing's name was, was all of the above. And to think she'd been stupid enough to trust that... that scumbag!

A sudden wave of rage flowed through her body, washing away her glumness and filling the empty pit where her heart used to be with blind, burning fury. She approached the nearest tree and delivered a fierce buck to its trunk, breaking the ghostly silence with the thundering crack of hoof against wood. She spared a quick glace to survey the light imprint her hooves had left on the bark before firing off another firm kick.
Bucking trees had always been her personal way of relieving stress. Twilight had reading, Rainbow Dash had flying, and she bucked trees. It may have been an unusual method, but it worked nonetheless. It was rhythmic, busying, distracting...

And not working at all.

She increased her pace, beckoning the hollow clacking sound of her hooves drumming against the tree to drown out the raging storm of thought and emotion inside of her. Each buck grew stronger as she poured more and more of her anger into every strike.

He was a liar. A filthy, depraved, degenerate liar! How she'd ever loved such a vile, disgusting disgrace of a pony was beyond her. Looking back on it, he deserved far more than the light beating she had given him. In fact, had she the chance to turn back time, she would've... she would've killed him! She would have crushed his ugly, black hide beneath her hooves, tore his worthless body asunder and destroyed whatever remained in a blazing inferno of vengeful fire!

With a final buck, the tree split down the grain with a loud snap.

Applejack collapsed into the dirt, suddenly aware of the burning sensation in her thighs. She studied the long horizontal split that now ran down the base of the apple tree's slender trunk. Drops of thick, golden sap budded from the wound and oozed across its surface, as if the tree was silently weeping at her.
She sighed deeply and let her body slump fully to the ground. What was she doing? Venting her frustration into trees, acting all soppy over the fact that her ex-coltfriend turned out to be a changeling, for Celestia's sake, she thought she was better than this! She was the element of honesty, not some mopey teenager who whined about breakups!
Applejack got back on her hooves, settling herself with a deep, cleansing breath.
"C'mon AJ, you've been through tougher ruts than this." she said to herself as she made her way back indoors. She'd fought Nightmare Moon, did battle with Discord, and crossed metaphorical swords with an entire horde of changelings. She could deal with this... She'd be fine. Absolutely fine.

She got back into bed, and sobbed into her pillow.

Author's Note

Well, here's the second chapter in its shame and glory! Drop a comment, and remember to point out any slip ups I might have made, I hate letting mistakes go un-fixed. Also, I'm open to any recommendations.

Royal Predicaments

Spike laid in his bed upstairs, his audacious snores muffled by his pillow. Twilight had sent him there naught but a few minutes ago. The hands of the ornate wooden clock which hung on her wall teetered around three O'clock, certainly no time for a young drake to be up and Gallivanting about. Besides, she had wanted some alone time with their new guest.

"So..." said Twilight awkwardly, scratching the back of her head with a hoof. Just how did one start a conversation with a member of a species virtually unknown to ponykind? Before her lay the beaten and bruised changeling, still spitting the salty taste of sock-sweat out of its mouth. She supposed it was best to start with the obvious. "You're a changeling, huh?"

The black, bony creature spat one last glob of phlegm on to the carpet (which Twilight made a mental note to wash later) before addressing her with a nervous smile. Its sheepish grin revealed a mess of broken and missing teeth that Twilight could only describe as a dentist's worst nightmare. She winced at the shattered remains of the changeling's teeth. Applejack certainly hadn't held back.

"I uh, guess so?" it answered, giving its head a small tilt to the side. There it was again, that lurking sense of de-ja-vu in the back of her mind. Where had she heard that voice before? She discarded her suspicions for the time being, promising herself to brood over them later. Right now there was a changeling in need of interrogation, although 'interrogating' probably wasn't the right word for it.
Said changeling cleared its throat, reminding Twilight it was waiting on her for some kind of response.

There was a long, pregnant pause in which Twilight desperately grabbed at straws of conversation. 'C'mon Twilight, think!' she mentally screamed at herself. Why of all the ponies in Equestria to make the first non-violent contact with a foreign race did it have to be her, the worst conversationalist in history? 'Just ask a couple of questions you'd ask your friends! Wait! All my friends are mares, this thing's a stallion (I think), and that changes everything!'

The changeling arched its brow and stared curiously at the librarian as the fiercest battle in the history of Equestria raged on in her noggin.

'Oh great, now it's staring at me! Just tell it your name, that's a good starting point, right?'

"I'm Twilight... Twilight Sparkle." she said with as much pride and authority as she could muster (which at the moment, wasn't very much). "What's yours?" she worried that she may have been coming off as a little bit too friendly. It, or judging by the sound of its voice, he, was her prisoner after all. Still, she couldn't help but feel as if she knew the changeling from somewhere. Was it the body language? The awkward yet welcoming smile? That shy, quirky voice which sounded exactly like-

"Caramel."

Twilight stiffened with shock, and she swore that she could hear the dull 'thud' of her jaw hitting the floor. "What did you just say?" she asked in a voice barely louder than a whisper.

"My name's Caramel, Twilight..." said the changeling, slightly louder this time. Its form was suddenly engulfed in a small cyclone of green flames which fizzled as the flesh beneath them twisted and changed. The fire died away, and Twilight was confronted with a stallion that she knew all too well. "It's me, Twi. I'm a changeling."

Princess Celestia materialized high above Ponyville with a brilliant flash and hovered in the air, flapping her majestic, feathered wings to maintain her height. Her teal eyes scanned over the quaint town discriminatingly before locking on to the library.
A contingent of guards was already en route, and she expected them to arrive before sunrise. She had chosen to skip the journey with a simple teleportation spell. It was just as well, if there were any more changelings lurking in thte shadows, she intended to be the one to apprehend them. The guards were nothing more than a precaution.

Celestia began her descent towards the library, her ethereal mane and tail trailing behind her like a curtain of glimmering silk, completely unaware of the dark figure watching her from afar.

Twilight fell back on to her flanks and massaged her temples. Caramel was a changeling? Wasn't he AJ's coltfriend? All of a sudden, Applejack's savaging of him seemed far more understandable... still not acceptable, but understandable nonetheless.
The more that Twilight thought about it, the more it made sense. Caramel had always been the socially awkward type, which, coming from a mare who spends all day in the library, meant a lot. She also never remembered seeing him eat anything. Applejack had actually took him to one of Pinkie's parties a couple of nights ago, and out of all the ponies there he was the only one who didn't indulge himself in one of Pinkie Pie's renowned confections. In fact, he hadn't even looked at the snack table! The evidence had been right under her nose the whole time, and she hadn't taken the slightest notice of it.

She slumped her face into her hooves, berating herself for her stupidity. Caramel raised a brow, uncertain of what to make of the face-hoofing mare.

"You've been a changeling this whole time?" she growled, still hiding her face behind her hooves.

"... Would you be angry if I said yes?"

Twilight buried her face even deeper into her hooves and groaned in frustration. "You've been a changeling this whole time, and I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE?"

Caramel shrank back as the purple unicorn raised her voice in a shrill, ear piercing shriek of anger. She had been on the lookout for changelings ever since the incident at her brother's wedding. She had literally spent weeks examining any pony in Ponyville who she classified as even remotely strange, but she had never thought of checking what now seemed like the most obvious of them all!

"Come on now, Twi," cooed Caramel, secretly terrified of what an infuriated Twilight could do to him. He'd taken one beating today, and he sure as heck didn't need another. "all you did was make a simple mistake, it's not like-"

"MISTAKE?" snapped Twilight, tearing her hooves away from her face to reveal a venomous scowl. Her eyes twitched with an underlying madness, and small gouts of spittle sprayed from her mouth with every harsh word she hissed. "I am the element of magic, a star pupil of Celestia, and a straight A student of Canterlot Academy, I do NOT make MISTAKES!"
Her horn crackled with flickering sparks of purple as she loomed threateningly over Caramel, who was currently resisting the urge to soil himself.

After a long, tense staring match between the two of them (through which Caramel had never been so afraid in his life) Twilight finally backed away, quelling the violet forks of magic which were stemming from her horn. "I'm sorry," she said with a weary sigh. "I... don't tend to take failure too well, especially when I'm tired."

"Oh, it's fine, totally fine." squeaked Caramel in a voice so silent that it would have put Fluttershy to shame. 'By the Queen Chrysalis, who would've thought that an element of harmony needed anger management?'

Twilight strode over to his side, taking care to avoid the clumps of phlegm which clotted the carpet. She plopped herself down next to him, greeting him with a warm and welcoming smile. "How's about we start over?" she asked with renewed vigour. He winced as her horn began to glow again, preparing himself for another round of 'Beat-the-changelingTM'. The pain, however, never came. Instead, the rope binding his forelegs slackened and uncoiled on to the floor.

Twilight offered the changeling a hoof, which Caramel accepted in a firm hoofshake.

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Caramel." said Twilight joyously.

Caramel mirrored her smile with one of his own, and let his disguise slip away in a small spout of green flames. "Likewise."

"Now, if you don't mind, can I... y'know?" Twilight shuffled uncertainly towards Caramel, silently pleading him with her wide, violet puppy-dog eyes. Her curiosity burned with the untamable passion for knowledge, a passion that this changeling would hopefully fufil.

The changeling gave his eyes an emphasised roll. "Fine."

Celestia stood in front of the wooden door of the Golden Oaks Library, allowing herself a brief moment to steel herself in preparation of what was about to come. It had been a good many years since she had to deal with this sort of thing, and punishing what was technically a war criminal wasn't exactly pleasant business when compared to the small-time crime punishments that she was used to presiding over. In fact, the most heinous crime recorded by the Equestrian Court of Law last year was the theft of a sweet roll (which, she was proud to say, was later paid for in full). Heck, The Equestrian top ten most wanted list pretty much consisted of petty criminals! The top spot of said list belonged to a particularly devious litterbug.

She greedily sucked in a lungful of air before expelling it out of her nose. She never had been one for issuing punishments. In actuality, she'd dumped most of this 'law and order' tosh on Luna as soon as she'd returned from the moon. Her sister always had been one for the darker things in life...
Still, there was a changeling behind this door that needed dealing with, and whether she liked it or not, she'd have to be the mare to do it. Twilight had summoned her, after all, and she wasn't about to go deserting her star pupil in her time of need.

"Okay," she said finally with grim sigh. "let's get this over with."

Celestia pushed the door open with a gold-clad hoof, fixing a frown on her face and furrowing her brow for good measure.
"Twilight Sparkle!" she boomed in the most authoritative tone she could manage. "I am here to relieve you of the change-"
Celestia cut herself off as she laid eyes upon her student.

"Wow," said Twilight as she pressed her hoof into the gut of a changeling who was led on its back, staring idly at the purple mare with the small hint of a smile on its beaten face. "Spike was right, you are squidgy!" she gave its belly another prod, eliciting a small gaggle of laughter from the changeling.

"Careful!" it giggled in a surprisingly stallionlike voice. "That seriously tickles!"

Twilight plunged her hoof experimentally into the changeling's soft underbelly, pausing only to scribble down a hasty note on a nearby roll of parchment. "Neat."

Neither of them had taken even the slightest notice of Celestia, who stood dumbfounded in the doorway. She'd told herself back at the palace to expect the unexpected, but this? This was just... confusing, and perhaps slightly disturbing.
The princess gave a stern *ahem*, grabbing Twilight's, as well as her prisoner's, attention.

"Princess!" exclaimed Twilight, stumbling away from the changeling. I-I was uh, I was just..." Celestia swore that she could hear the mechanical crank of gears tuning within her student's head. "making notes!" she screamed finally, snatching up the parchment she had been writing on and waving it approvingly. "Yep, just making notes on, uh... changeling stuff."

"Twilight, we'll discuss this later." said the princess bluntly. It was three in the morning, and she had work to do. She'd find the time to contemplate just what the hell she had stumbled in on later.
She turned to the changeling, who shuddered with terror as her gaze fell upon it. One of its eyes had swollen shut, whilst the other regarded her with absolute horror. One of its sabre-like fangs had been torn out of its socket, and... 'Why does it have 'lying pig' on its forehead?'

A small wick of pity flittered in her chest, but she quickly snuffed it out with cold, hard reason. This was a changeling, not a pony. She had no reason to pity it, nor should she. Its kind had threatened the safety of Canterlot and everypony in it, they tried to milk Equestria dry of the love which made her lands so truly magical, and worst of all, they imprisoned her in a cocoon full of sludge which took almost an entire day to wash out of her mane. Still, despite the terrorizing of her citizens and the theft of their love, this brutalization was simply uncalled for.
'You're not here to feel sorry for it, Tia. Just banish the poor thing and be done with it.'

"Changeling, you're presence here is unwelcome," she boomed with as much authority as she could muster. The changeling hid its head beneath its hole-riddled forelegs with a small squeal of terror. Celestia cringed inwardly, but continued seemingly unfazed. "I offer you the choice to either be escorted from my lands or removed by force." she marched towards the changeling, each metallic click of her golden horseshoes sending a shiver up the changeling's spine. "Make your decision."

"Princess?"
Twilight tapped her lightly on the wing.

"Not now, Twilight, I'm dealing with matters of national security."

"But Princess, he's not a threat to anypony!"

Celestia tore her eyes away from the beaten changeling and laid them instead on Twilight, who was staring back at her pleadingly.

"I know him," stated Twilight simply. "his name is Caramel, and he's-"

"Applejack's coltfriend." finished Celestia, returning her gaze to the changeling with newfound wonder. She knew Caramel as well as she knew all of her subjects... or rather, she thought she did. "Is it true?" she asked it- no, him. "Are you truly the one my little ponies have come to know as Caramel-" she lowered herself to her haunches and glared at the changeling accusingly. "or is this some kind of foul trick?"

"It's me!" squawked Caramel from under his forelegs. "I swear in the name of Celest-you it's me!"

"And how can I know that you speak the truth, changeling?"

"HIS WORDS RING TRUE, SISTER!"

Princess Luna stood gallantly in the doorway, her pitch black cloak of velvet flowing in the cold draft, and her twinkling mane draped across her navy blue shoulders. The cloak dissolved into a flurry of bats which departed in to the night, revealing the skillfully crafted ebony regalia that hung delicately around her neck.

"THY PUPIL SPEAKS CORRECTLY," bellowed Luna with the subtlety and eloquence of a foghorn. "TO INSINUATE THAT THIS STALLION IS OF HARMFUL PURPOSE IS TRULY FOLLY!" she gestured towards Caramel with an elegant wave of her hoof.

"Luna," bellowed Celestia over the ear-splitting roar of her sister. "Use your inside voice!"

"Tia," continued Luna in a more bearable tone, indifferent to the fact that she had just deafened everypony in the library. Both Twilight and Caramel were groping their ears, moaning in agony as they succumbed to their royalty-induced migraines. "We cannot allow the banishment of this changeling!"

"Luna please," groaned Celestia, timidly massaging her forehead. "slow down and explain yourself, quietly."

The heat rose in Luna's cheeks as she realized the damage her ear-splitting outburst had caused. "Oh, right... My apologies sister." she fought off her blush and cleared her throat before continuing. "May we have a word in private, sister?"

"I suppose," replied Celestia, her eardrums still stinging from Luna's audacious attack. "Twilight, would you kindly watch over our... guest?"
the unicorn couldn't hear her teacher's request over the high-pitched ringing in her ears, but nodded all the same when she caught Celestia mouthing words at her.

The two alicorns exited the library, leaving both the mare and the changeling alone. Spike still lay entangled in his bed sheets with an arm wrapped firmly around his teddy bear, breaking the otherwise empty silence with an occasional snore.

"Are you certain about this Luna?"

"Trust me, Tia. I know enough about a pony's heart to tell that hers is indeed broken..." Luna spoke with a subtle sorrow. The night was her domain, and the moon her eye. With it, she observed whatever she pleased, from snowcapped mountains in the north to the barren wastelands of the south.
Tonight her moon had spied a mare, broken-hearted and distraught.

Celestia chewed the inside of her lip and combed a hoof through her phantom-like mane. This was a predicament. Why, out of all the ponies that Applejack could have fallen for, did she have to go for the one whom just so happened to be a changeling? It was as if luck had developed a cruel sense of humor.
"What do you expect me to do about this?" she asked finally, desperately looking towards her sister for some sort of console. "Let what is basically a prisoner of war run rampant in the streets?"

"No!" snapped Luna with a ferocity that shocked Celestia. "I expect you to put the needs of your citizens before your own petty grudges!"

"I don't hold any grudges! The ch- Caramel is not solely responsible for the invasion of Canterlot, I'm not going to despise him for being what he is!"

"Then why do you insist banishing him? He obviously presents no harm to our subjects!"

"Because there is nothing else we can do!" Princess Celestia began to pace back and forth, keeping her grim muzzle pointed towards the ground. "The public would never accept him, and I refuse to let him wither and rot alone in a jail cell. Can't you see, Luna? We have no choice here!"

"..."

"..."

"She loves him, sister. She may not think so, but she does."

With a final, defeated sigh, Celestia collapsed onto her haunches. "Luna... when did national security get so bloody complicated?"

Princess Luna smirked at her exhausted sibling. "If I recall, I'm the one who missed out on a millennium. You tell me."

The two alicorns shared a short, mirthless laugh which quickly dissolved into a dead silence.

"Sister," said Luna finally. "I think I may have an idea."

Author's Note

And so the build up finally comes to an end! Next chapter I'll getting on to the real meat of the story. Expect horrendous dating advice and awkwardness galore!

School is in Session

Rainbow Dash paced circles around the library impatiently, flexing her wings with the occasional flutter. Rarity had taken up abode upon a sofa and was lazily analysing a hoof. Twilight sat next to her, literally shaking with anticipation. Fluttershy was standing in silence around the outskirts of the room, still half asleep. She, like Twilight, had never taken very well to early mornings. Neither did Pinkie Pie, apparently, as she was sitting on a chair, rocking herself back and forth whilst reading a cook book she'd picked from mass of literature that filled the library shelves. It was frightening to see the pink mare so laid back.

"Twilight, darling?" said Rarity, her usually pristine Canterlot accent marred by the grogginess of exhaustion. "Is this 'friend of the princess' going to withhold themselves any longer? It's an unruly hour for introductions as it is!"

"You got that right!" piped Rainbow Dash furiously. "Friend of the princess or not, nopony wakes me up in the middle of the night just so they say 'hi'!"

Earlier on in the night, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna had visited each of their homes and demanded their immediate presence at the Golden Oaks Library. Being under the impression that this was a matter of national security, each of them had made their way here with as much haste as they could manage. Needless to say, none of them were all-too-pleased to find out that they had been dragged their beds to simply meet somepony (apart from Pinkie Pie, who was giddy, albeit a little less enthusiastic, about making a new friend). None of them knew the true reason they were there,
and all of them were wondering where the heck Applejack was. Save for Twilight, who Celestia had told specifically not to give away the surprise, as she put it.

The princess had always been a prolific troll.

"Just relax, girls, he's bound to be here any minute." said Twilight, not even bothering to try to hide the bubbling excitement that was building up inside her like a warm, ticklish froth. She was rarely able to surprise her friend, which was more Pinkies’ thing. Now that she'd finally got the chance to do so, Twilight quickly saw why Pinkie Pie enjoyed it so much. This was so exhilarating!
Still, the fact that she hadn't mentioned Caramel's species to anypony yet had more reason than to simply shock her friends. The princesses didn't want to risk the off chance that one of Twilight's friends would panic and alert the town authorities that there was a changeling running about, therefore they would wait until both Luna and Celestia were here in order to quell any beliefs that Caramel would do them any harm.

The two alicorns had left less than half an hour ago with Caramel firmly in hoof without so much as mentioning where they were going.

Caramel peeked over the corner of the small, stone bridge, analysing his reflection over in the water of the Ponyville River. Celestia's healing spell had done wonders for his face, but there was another pain within him that was far too severe to be fixed with the simple application of magic.

For the entire year of their relationship, Applejack had loved him unconditionally. She had accepted his clumsiness, his abnormalities, and his general lack of knowledge on Equestrian society and cherished him regardless. She had calmed him when he was angry, comforted him when he was sad and defended him with an almost savage furiousness when he was threatened. She had given him somepony love as well as the best year of his entire life, and asked only for the truth in return.

'And I didn't even give her that.'

A year. He'd lied to her for a whole year . He had lied about his identity, lid about his family, lied about his age, heck, even his name was a lie, and a bad one at that! Seriously, Caramel? Out of all the pony names in the world, he chose the blandest one possible! Still, it was a far more charming than his real name...

His image wavered on the surface of the water as a cold wind blew past, distorting his menacing features into something far more monstrous than they already were.
What kind of mare could ever love a face like this?

"Is something bothering you?"

Caramel wheeled in place, coming face to face with Princess Luna. Just when the heck did she get here?

"Y-your majesty!" he stammered, lowering himself into a clumsy bow.

The princess stifled a fillyish snort of laughter. "We are not your 'majesty', young Caramel, you need not bow." her gentle features twisted into a devious smile. "That obligation remains with our subjects."

"Right, uhh, sorry... your highness..."

"And none of that either!" she shook a hoof at him in mock anger and smirking at the way he flinched away from her whenever she spoke. "Tis rare for us to find one who is willing to address us by name, and the royal title becomes a heavy burden with time. Thou shalt call us Luna."

Caramel tried (and failed) to ignore the fact that the princess spoke like a character straight out of Macbeth. "Yes your maj- I mean highn- Luna"
He shuddered slightly. Princess Luna technically had no rule over him, nor did Celestia for that matter, but that didn't make it any less awkward to refer to them by name. He felt as if calling the all powerful ruler of the night just 'Luna' would somehow be insulting. On the other hoof, she wanted to be called 'Luna', and he wasn't about to disobey somepony who could turn him into a sticky green paste with a wave of her horn.

Princess Luna drew closer, and Caramel instinctively shuffled backwards. "We apologise for dragging thou outside," she said, analysing him with her teal eyes. "Our sister had... urgent matters to attend to." she was referring to the legion of guards that Celestia had sent to Ponyville. By now the trained and dangerous members of the elite Royal Guard were probably gathering around the edges of town, devising their plan of action.
The Equestrian military's occupation of Ponyville was a grim precaution, but a necessary one nonetheless. Caramel seemed nice, but that didn't change the fact that he was a changeling, and from what she'd witnessed at the royal wedding, she knew that changelings rarely worked alone.

"So," she said. "Is something bothering you? Or were thou staring glumly into the river for the jolly of it?"

Caramel had to admit that as stuck-up and snobby as it sounded, the princess' outdated speech was also charming in its own funny way. It was as if she was constantly quoting from the classical theatre performances that they played in the elite playhouses of Canterlot.
He liked it.

"Changeling?"

Oh! Right, she was talking to him, wasn't she?

"No! No, I'm fine... Luna," he doubted calling her by name would ever feel right. "it's just..." Caramel worked his tongue around in his mouth, mentally fishing for the right words to explain the bubbling cauldron of emotion that broiled away inside of him.
'Pain? Heartbreak? Self-loathing? All of the above?'

"Thou art ashamed, are thou not?"

He deflated with a sigh. That was it, ashamed. Ashamed of telling Applejack that he was somepony who he wasn't, ashamed of feeding on her love like an emotional cancer, ashamed of waking her up in the middle of the night just to tell her that the stallion that she'd been loving for the past year had been nothing more than a ruse...

"Yeah," he said finally, turning back to the small river and staring pensively into its murky depths. "That's the one, ashamed." He scrutinised his reflection with a frown. It had been Chrysalis knows how long since he'd seen himself for what he truly was. Demonic fangs, pitch black flesh, lifeless eyes... through the eyes of a pony he was nothing short of a monster. Fitting in around Ponyville was going to get a heck of a lot harder.

Caramel twitched as Luna laid a hoof on his back between his bug-like wings. It clicked against the tar-black chitin of his shell. "Thou... should be," she said with a chuckle. "and thou should also be afraid." she bent towards him to whisper into his ear. "Tartarus hath no fury like a mare scorned!"

"You don't say..." he murmured beneath his breath. Images of the wild eyed and feral Applejack from earlier popped into his mind.
Maybe he should bring an exorcist to his next meeting with her, just to be on the safe side.

"But, thou should also be proud," continued Luna. "it took great courage to do what thou did, especially when thy partner is a mare as... explosive... as Applejack."

Courage. Was that what it was? "No offense Luna," he said. "but I wouldn't exactly call myself courageous. Truth be told, I'm kind of lacking in the bravery area."

"Are you? Thou could have fooled us!" she clapped him on the back with a surprising amount of force. "Now listen here! Thou may not be the most gallant of ponies, but it takes a certain kind of bravery to reveal such," Luna rolled her tongue in her mouth as she thought for an elegant way to word her thoughts. "horrific secrets about oneself."

The left side of Caramel's mouth curled into a smile. "Thanks... I think."

"Thou art welcome," she said, returning his smile with one of her own. "It gives us great pleasure to be of assistance, my little changeling." she snorted with laughter and gave him another hearty slap on the back. Caramel couldn't help but laugh with her. Here he was, a changeling, standing next to the eternal ruler of the night and former villain, laughing his flank off. If anypony had told him that he would be in this position yesterday, he would've gift wrapped them in a strait jacket and mailed them off to the nearest loony bin.

"Enjoying yourselves, are we?"

Princess Celestia descended from the sky behind them and landed softly on the bridge without so much as a sound. She gave her expansive wings a stretch before folding them into her sides. With a benevolent smile, she strode towards the pair of them. "The Royal Guard has been informed of your presence, Caramel," she said, maintaining a pleasant tone throughout. "You have no need to fear them." her expression grew darker as she grew nearer. "That is, of course, if you keep yourself out of trouble, and you shall stay out of trouble, shall you not?"

The changeling gulped audibly before giving Celestia a bow so low that his nose scraped against the ground. "Of course Your Highness!" he said quickly, not daring to look her in the eye.

"Good!" chirped Celestia happily. "In that case, I do believe that it's time that you met the acquaintance of a few very close friends of mine." she started back towards the library and beckoned Caramel and Luna to follow. "Come," she ordered without looking back. "I imagine they would be getting rather restless by now."

"This is taking forever!" bellowed Rainbow Dash as she hovered in the air.

Twilight couldn't help but agree. Whatever the Princess was doing, she was taking her sweet time with it. She drearily looked towards the clock. Four-thirty... Sleep was overrated anyways. She drew an inspecting eye across the library. Rarity was still laid across the sofa, leafing through a romance novel, Rainbow Dash was on the floor, splayed out upon her back and staring absent-mindedly at the ceiling, Pinkie Pie had found herself a marker pen, and was halfway through jotting a moustache on Spike's face as he slept.
And Fluttershy was nestled up against a bookcase, snoring surprisingly loudly.

"There are two kinds of late," said Rarity, setting down her book and turning her gase towards Twilight. "'fashionably late' and simply 'late', this is the latter." she adjusted herself into an upright position before continuing. "Twilight dear, are you sure you don't know this 'friend of the princess'?"

The purple unicorn was quick to answer. Too quick. "Nope, sorry, never heard of him 'til now." she blurted, cautiously avoiding eye contact.

Rarity smelt a rat.

"So, this fellow's a 'him', hmm?"

Twilight paled as she realised her mistake. "Oh!" she exclaimed in painfully fake surprise. "Did I say 'him'? I meant, uhh, it! NO, I mean um, them! Yes, I've never heard of them until now!"

Wow, Rarity thought Applejack was a bad liar, but this? This was just embarrassing.

"Come now, Twilight," said Rarity sternly. "you aren't fooling anypony with a poker face like that." she gestured towards Twilight's scrunched up nose, furled brow and wandering eyes. "Now come on dear, out with it! It simply isn't proper for one to lie to their friends."

With a heavy sigh, Twilight admitted defeat. "Fine. You see, the truth is..."

Caramel laid his hoof on the door frame, reluctant to re-enter the Golden Oaks library out of fear of being pulverised by the elements of harmony. He'd heard the rumours about what those mares did to the changeling invasion force in Canterlot, heck, Applejack had told him herself about how she and her friends had felled literally a legions worth of changelings!
He'd kept his distance from her that day.

The library door swung open, revealing the black, beetle-like form of Caramel. Celestia and Luna followed in suit, flanking around either side of the changeling. The mares froze as their eyes turned to him. Caramel squeezed his eyes shut, and braced himself for the inevitable screaming and the painful beat-down that was bound to follow.

It never came.

"So, you're a changeling huh?" Caramel recognised the raspy voice of Rainbow Dash immediately. She had to be one of the most frequent visitors to Sweet Apple Acres, and he often found her snoozing on the branches of the apple trees. He also knew that she loathed him with a passion ever since he'd accidentally bucked her out of a tree and put her in hospital for a week with a fractured skull.

"I always knew there was something funny about you!"

'Says the Pegasus who sleeps in trees... Wait.'

"You know who I am?" he asked, opening his eyes to find the cyan Pegasus standing firmly in front of him, her eyes narrowed into slits and her wings flared outwards. A poisonous frown was set upon her muzzle, and her eyes burned with fury. It was safe to say that Rainbow Dash was far from happy.

"You're darn right I know who you are," she snapped with ferocity similar to the kind he'd seen in Applejack earlier that night. She poked him in the chest accusingly. "And if you think you can just mess with my friend's head like you did then you're in for a surprise, bub!" she shunted him provocatively. Caramel retreated a couple of steps backwards. There was literally a plethora of things that he sucked at, and fighting was one of them. If she felt like it, Rainbow Dash could probably go through him like Applejack went through a plate-full of apple fritters.
In other words, it wouldn't be pretty.

"L-look," whimpered Caramel as he slowly backed away from the fuming Pegasus. "Just hear me out, okay?"

"Hear you out? What's there to hear? You lied to my friend, invaded Canterlot and to top it off, you eat love, you're a monster!"

"Rainbow Dash, calm down," piped Twilight, rushing in between Rainbow and Caramel. "I've told you already, he's not dangerous!"

"Not dangerous?" roared the pegasus as she made to push her way past Twilight. "How could you say that? After what those things did to Canterlot, after what they did to your brother!"

"ENOUGH!" bellowed the mighty Canterlot voice. The ear splitting shout resounded off of the walls and nearly deafened everypony with its audacity. To Caramel's surprise, it was Celestia who was doing all of the yelling. The angelic alicorn marched forwards and addressed Rainbow Dash.

"You are behaving like a foal! I shall not have one of my ponies, an element of harmony no less, acting in such a way!" Her face was wrought with the kind of anger a mother would hold towards a misbehaving child. She lowered her head to Rainbow's level, and her fury melted away into a bitter disappointment. "I had expected better from you, Rainbow Dash."

The Pegasus backed away silently under the concerned gazes of everypony in the room. Caramel could taste the sour tinge of hate emanating from her as she sat herself down at the corner of the room and crossed her forelegs with a huff. Great, Caramel hadn't even made his introductions yet and one of them already hated his guts.

"Now," said Princess Celestia, furrowing her brow at the other elements. "Is there anypony else who wishes to speak out against our visitor?"

Each of the mares shook their heads vigorously, including Spike, who had been woken up by the intense celestial-shouting-out Celestia had given Rainbow Dash. She surveyed the room with a sweep of her champagne-pink eyes before returning to her usual, benevolent self.
"Good!" she chirped with an almost fillyish enthusiasm that was somehow befitting of her. "That shall be useful, seeing as you'll be getting to know him over the following week."

"WHAT!" yelled the mares in unison. Rarity bore and Fluttershy bore expressions of simple shock, whereas Pinkie Pie had plastered a smile on her face that Caramel could only describe as unnaturally wide. Rainbow Dash looked somewhere between angry and disgusted. Caramel himself felt a little shocked. He'd understood that the princess would be taking it easy on him, but a full pardon?

"You're... letting me go?" asked Caramel uncertainly, the beginning of a smile hovering over his lips. "Just like that?"

"Oh, don't think you'll be getting off that easy, my little changeling," she answered, washing away his hopeful grin. A full pardon was a little far-fetched, he supposed. "I have plans in store for you, and you still owe me a full explanation of your actions, who you truly are and what you were doing in Equestria in the first place," she gave him a willing nod. "You may start whenever you're ready."

Caramel wrinkled his nose in distain. "You mean, like, right now? Here? In front of everypony?"

"Mmhm!" hummed Celestia with another nod of her head. "I hold no secrets from my citizens, Caramel. If whatever you have to tell me is good enough for my ears, then it is good enough for theirs." she shifted slightly, her impatience showing through the mask of regal-ness she wore. "Now begin, if you will."

Everypony leaned in as Caramel took a deep breath. This wasn't going to be an easy story to tell, and he doubted it would leave him on 'friendly terms' with any of the mares he was supposedly going to spend the next week with. Still, he'd have to tell them some time or another, and it was probably best to just get this out of the way as soon as possible. He only hoped they would be considerate... he didn't even want to think about what these mares would do to him if he were to get on their bad side.

"Okay," he sighed reluctantly. "Here goes..."

One year ago...

He awoke in a cold sweat, as usual. The horrors of his nightmare seemed distant now, yet still so frighteningly real. His bad dream was already erasing itself from his mind, lingering only in the furthest corners of his brain. With a grunt, he lifted himself out of his sleeping area...

And into mid-air.

The thin strips of membrane on his back fluttered to life in order to keep him afloat. Below him was a drop that seemingly had no bottom, its endless depths lit only by the fluorescent green fungi that sprouted from the black walls. 'Chorochi' was the technical term for the stuff, although he preferred to call it annoying. It was trouble enough getting to sleep with the buzz of a thousand changelings' wings ringing in his ears. Having green, glowing mushrooms dotted along the walls only made it harder.

Currently, he was in the hive's living quarters. The colossal room took the form of a two hundred foot wide cylinder, its surface littered with thousands of small pockets which served as your average changeling's bed. The ceiling, like the floor, seemed to stretch on into infinity. The structure itself was mainly underground, as was the nursing areas, the prison blocks, the barracks, the cafeteria, and much more. Of course, this was only the facilities of section #238. The hive was broken into hundreds, perhaps even thousands of sections, each with their own governing force who answered to Queen Chrysalis herself. Only the palace, the 'jewel of the hive', stood above ground. Anychangeling looking upon it from a distance would never have guested that the actual interior of the hive stretched on for miles underground. The palace, the home of their queen, stood in the middle, with countless underground corridors branching out unseen into the furthest reaches of the Badlands.

He hated it here.

It was dark, decrepit, and the whole place reeked of soaked wood and dust. He hadn't seen the sun for weeks, and probably wouldn't any time soon. Moreover, the entire place was just... cold. Even now he could see his breath fogging in front of him like in an eerie white cloud. Sure, it wasn't all bad, the other changelings were nice enough, albeit a little anti-social, and the love they served in the cafeteria was decent enough, but that didn't change what it was: a dark, dank hole in the ground.

The hive was alive with the flittering and buzzing of wings as other changelings went about their business. Their black forms darted from the sleeping compartments which dotted the walls and disappeared into one of the many wide tunnels which sprouted from this chamber. All the while others were travelling lazily towards their beds. Here at the hive, schedules were permitted to everychangeling and served as their substitute for the day and night cycle. The thing was, the schedules operated on shifts, therefore catching a moment of peace and quiet was nigh on impossible.

He hated it here so damned much...

"You!" barked the domineering voice of what could only be a soldier over the constant fluttering of wings. He rotated himself in the air. A changeling bulkier than most soared towards him. Its gender was difficult to make out from a distance, but as it drew closer, he recognized it as female. Her limbs were wrought with muscle, and spotless silver armour encased her torso, she also wore a pair of engraved bracers and a visor-less helmet designed to show off her beautiful face.
A palace guard.

He knew their type all too well. They were the ones who defended the palace, and were sanctioned to the little luxuries that he and all the others who worked underground were deprived of, like a sky above their heads whilst they worked, or a decent pillow to lay their heads on. They were trained in marching, saluting, military ceremonies, and plenty of other things to make them look like soldiers and wow all the tourists from the other hives.
Of course they didn't have a scratch on the guards stationed around the bowels of the hive, nor were they any match for the Aggressive Task Force or National Defence branches of the military, but that didn't stop them from being any less domineering.
The palace guards had built up a reputation among the hive for being notorious bullies. Every now and then you would find one sauntering around the lower sections, spitting offensive remarks at drones like him who actually worked for a living.

Rolling his eyes, he steeled himself for the insults and slurs to come. The guard brought herself to a stop in front of him, and to his surprise, gave him a crisp salute which he imagined she'd practiced in the mirror every morning.

"You are number 17364, correct?" she barked, looking straight through him. She knew his personnel number, meaning that she must be under orders to retrieve him.
'Great, what have I done wrong now?'

"Uhuh." he replied with a small nod.

"I am to retrieve and escort you to the palace!"

The palace! Oh dear Chrysalis, what did heck did he do to land himself in so much shi-

"It is for the purpose of a meeting, changeling, no more." added the soldier quickly, realising the terror on his face. He sighed in relief and wiped his brow of the nervous sweat he'd been building up.
"Now if you will, follow me. The Queen doesn't like to be kept waiting."

"Sure, just let me- wait, did you say queen?"

She only nodded in response before heading towards one of the gaping tunnels in the walls, beckoning him to follow. He merely floated there, his jaw virtually dropping off of it's hinges.
'Queen? Did she mean like, THE Queen? As in the eternal ruler and leading monarch of the entire country, Queen Chrysalis?'

"Wait wait wait, hold up for a second." interrupted Twilight, cutting off Caramel mid-story and earning herself an angry glare from the other mares, who, Caramel was proud to say, were captivated by his story. "You mentioned this... hive had nursing areas, right?"

He gave an impatient nod, eager to get on with his story.

"So changelings are born in the hive?"

"Yeah..." he answered slowly. Just where was she going with this?

"Were you?"

Caramel tossed his head back in a snort of laughter. He understood what she was getting at, and she couldn't have been more wrong.
"No, Miss Sparkle, I wasn't born in the hive, nor were most of the other guys I worked with." It was the common misconception of ponies to believe that all changelings were born and raised in that bottomless pit in the ground which he had, for a time, called home. They honestly thought that the whole of the changeling species grovelled in the dirt like some backwards, tribal species. He had never heard anything so ridiculous! What sane creature would live in a single, confined space when they had the entirety of the Badlands at their disposal?

"Well then why is this 'hive' of yours underground?" asked Twilight, apprehensive all of a sudden. Carmel cursed himself inwardly. He'd gone and awakened the beast that was Twilight Sparkle’s curiosity. He recalled that Applejack had warned him about this before. Asking Twilight even the simplest of questions was, in her eyes, an invitation to give a lecture that could effectively put Pinkie Pie to sleep. When a mare as thorough as that started asking you questions... well...

Caramel opened his mouth to speak, only to have Twilight beat him to the punch.

"Are you allergic to the sunlight? Is the surface dangerous? Do you have some kind of primal instinct that requires you to-"

'Dear Chrysalis, what have I done?'

"Twilight," hummed Celestia. "You're doing it again." she tried to seem stern, but anypony with a working set of eyes could tell that the princess was desperately holding back a giggle. Her student's eyes widened and her cheeks flared red with a blush.

"Oh!" exclaimed Twilight, bringing a hoof to her mouth. "I'm sorry about that, I'm just... interested is all."

Princess Celestia nodded understandingly. "That's quite alright, Twilight. However, I think it would be adequate to allow Mister Caramel to finish his story before showering him with questions."

Her violet cheeks turned to scarlet as she blushed profusely. "Apologies your highness," she stammered before turning to Caramel. "please continue."

"Thank you, now where was I?"

They squeezed through another tunnel only to enter yet another chamber. Caramel hid a groan of frustration when he realised that it looked pretty much the same as the last seven they had just come through. If not for the signposts which marked every hallway, then a changeling could quite easily get lost around here.

"Keep up the pace, changeling!" barked his escort as she fluttered through yet another hallway. He spared her an evil glare before following her. Royal Guards were simply the worst. Just because they wore armour and had a couple months of training under their belt, they thought they had the right to boss everychangeling around. It was safe to say that they were some of the most stuck up elitists he'd ever had the displeasure of meeting.

"Look sharp," ordered the guard. "We're almost there." Her horn flared with green, and a small, silver pocket mirror appeared in her hoof. She gave her reflection a quick examination before tossing the mirror over her shoulder. He managed to catch it before it collided with his nose.

"And just what am I supposed to do with this?" he asked, eyeing the mirror curiously.

"It's a mirror, drone. What do you think?" answered his escort, who done a poor job of hiding the malice in her voice. "You're about to meet Queen Chrysalis, ruler of our folk. The least you could do is make yourself look a little less... peasant-like."

Did he mention how much he hated the royal guards?

He spared a quick glance at the mirror. His dorsal fin was crooked from where he'd been sleeping on it, and a faint five O'clock shadow hung around his muzzle.
'"Peasant-like"... more like loveably scruffy!' he thought to himself. Still, he doubted the Queen would be very impressed by his unkempt appearance. He straightened out his dorsal fin and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, although there was nothing he could do about his unshaven face.

"That will have to do," mumbled his escort, eyeing his dishevelled features with contempt. "Now come on. we have a schedule to keep!" She snatched the mirror out of his hooves, and dropped it into the abyss of nothingness that loomed beneath them.

'Pushy jerk...'

The two of them hurried upwards. There was an exit to the chamber above them, a vertical tunnel furnished with torches and extravagant engravings. The dancing flames of the torches lit the hallway with a dim orange light which flickered over the detailed markings which marked the walls. A changeling facing a dragon, a figure descending from the heavens, a monster wreathed in smoke and ash, each engraving wove a different tale.
He stopped to inspect them more closely. One could find engravings such as these littered throughout the hive. Some told of historical events such as the cataclysmic wars of old, whilst others knit stories of legend. As ugly as the hive was, there was no denying that it had some fascinating tales to tell.

The armour clad hoof of his guard clubbed him around the back of his head, leaving a sore bump on his bald scalp. "What part of 'We have a schedule to keep' don't you understand?" she hissed, glaring at him furiously. "Now hurry up! I am not going to get a shouting out on your account."

This tunnel was longer than the others, and definitely better decorated. He caught himself giving the occasional side-glance towards the engravings on the walls. Their detail captivated him, and the stories they told were unlike any other he'd heard. The guard would occasionally catch him in the act, and berate him for dawdling. He ignored her, partly because the engravings were so fascinating, but mostly because the weight of the situation was finally dawning on him.

He was meeting the queen.

The queen.

The thought alone almost made him keel over and puke in excitement. This was actually happening, he was going to meet Chrysalis-damned Queen Chrysalis! What in hell's bells did she want with some two bit drone like him? Had he made some kind of colossal screw up? Did the hive suspect him of being a spy? Could somechangeling have blabbed about him swiping extra portions of love from the cafeteria? *Gasp* was this about him sleeping with a teddy bear? It was... just a family heirloom , that was all, he swore!

"Hold it!" bellowed Rainbow Dash, slamming her hooves to the floor. She glared at him with angry magenta eyes, and her mouth slowly curved into an evil smile. "You sleep with a teddy bear?"

"No, it's a family heirloom, that's all!" corrected Caramel, making sure to put extra emphasis on 'heirloom'. Oh geez, he really let that slip? It was nothing but a reminder, a gift! So he may have kept it rather close for comfort, so what? It was... special to him.

"Does it have a name?" choked Rainbow Dash through a devious cackle.

'Mister Jingles...'

"No, he- I mean it doesn't have a name!" he snapped. "It was a gift from my brother, alright? That's it, a gift!" Caramel was all too aware of the goofy smiles on each of the mares faces. Luna was the first to explode in laughter, and much to Caramel's disdain, everypony else was quick to follow (except for Fluttershy, who Caramel reminded himself to thank later).

"T-thou... thou havest a plushie?" asked Princess Luna between chortles.

"I've told you already, it's an heirloom!" Caramel's words fell on deaf ears, as whatever he said was promptly drowned out by the raunchous laughter that filled the library. A hot blush pinched at his cheeks. Why did he have such a damned affinity for giving his secrets away? First his identity, and now this. A broiling fury, fierce and sudden, sparked within him. Was this the reward he got for telling the truth? A broken set of teeth, a black eye, a broken heart and an all out assault on his dignity?

"You wanna be like that? Fine!" he spat, crossing his forelegs and plopping his backside on the floor. "Not like I wanted to tell you guys my story anyways..." He pouted and turned his head to the side, avoiding the stares of the mares.

"Oh, don't be like that!" exclaimed Twilight, still smirking oafishly.

"Yeah," added Pinkie Pie. "We were just having a laugh, is all." She zipped towards Caramel with unnatural speed, leaving a pink blur in her wake, and snatched him up in a big, torso-crushing bear hug. "You don't have to be all grumpy-pants about it!"

Caramel gave her a quick pat on her back, eager to break away from the hug before Pinkie snapped his spine in two. "D-don't worry, it's totally fine," he rasped. "now let me go... Please?"

Pinkie released Caramel from her grasp. He immediately fell to the floor, greedily sucking air into his crushed lungs and fretting over the fact that a Pinkie Pie had almost crushed his chest cavity like a plastic bottle. Getting hugged to death by a pony with a grip that could challenge a boa-constrictor was not on his 'to do' list.

"Anyway..." he said as he hauled himself from the floor and brushed himself off. "Where was I?"

They reached the end of the tunnel, which was sealed of by a bronze, circular door. The engraving of a changeling's head was plastered across the surface and lined with gold. The engraving's eyes were dotted with sapphires which shimmered in the light, and entire thing was polished to a sheen. This had to be the doorway to the palace, because decoration this magnificent would never be found anywhere else.
The red tongues of flame spouting from the torches danced within the reflection of the engraving's sapphire eyes, filling them with life. He couldn't help but feel as if those eyes were staring at him, discerning his character with intrigue.

The guard flew forward and opened it with a muffled grunt. A fierce, golden light poured through the open doorway. He grunted with distaste as his eyes smarted to the brilliant shine. He had grown so accustomed to the gloomy depths of the hive that the sudden exposure to sunlight had left him in shock.

He stumbled blindly through the doorway, taking care not to trip over his own hooves. They stood in middle of a colossal, circular chamber. The walls were of finely cut red stone, and filled with tall and slender windows. He walked over to one, eager to catch his first glimpse of the outside world in three months.
The sun was already sinking into the mountainous horizon, bathing the landscape in a thick, orange light. The ground was coated in a layer of grass so pale that it was only a couple of shades away from white. Reeds and cacti sprouted from the earth, and a thin, blue river cut across the land from east to west. The griffon nation was to the east, and to the south was the ocean.
For a single, blissful second, life and all of its stressful occurrences faded into obscurity. He forgot about the hive and Queen Chrysalis and lost himself in the moment. It had been so long, too long, since he'd felt the gentle kiss of the sun upon his face. It reminded him of home... A simple store selling simple wares in a simple town, with simple neighbours going about their simple business. There was no hive to worry about, no training drills to undergo and no guards to bark orders at him. Life had been good, life had been simple...

"Follow me, drone, no lollygaggin'!" growled the guard, tugging firmly at his scruff.

Emphasis on had been.

He reluctantly slid away from the window and fell in behind the guard. She led him through the twisting hallways and spiralling staircases, each of which was furnished exquisitely with black suits of armour and lovingly crafted engravings-

"Wait," interrupted Twilight.

"Oh for the love of-" Caramel cut himself off before he said something he might regret. The unicorn's tutor was standing right next to him, and he doubted she would be all too happy with him cussing out her star pupil. "Yes, Twilight?" he said, his voice betraying a slight bitterness.

Twilight either didn't notice or didn't care, because she continued un-phased. "Why does your palace have so many engravings?” she asked, cocking her head to the side. Her eyes sparkled with her trademark lust for knowledge, and Caramel knew that she wouldn't stop until she got it. To her, this was a Q&A first, and a story second.

"Actually, I've been meaning to ask that too." added Rarity, leaning in closer. "It wouldn't happen to be some sort of art style, would it dear?"

"Actually it's more of a tradition," he answered. "Some depict crusades and battles, whilst others present stories and folklore." That wasn't even tapping the surface of it. Engravings played a monumental role in changeling society. They were a commodity in any changeling settlement, and were commonly found etched into doors. Many considered them the mark of the gods, used to ward off sickness and bring good fortune. Some folk went as far as to cut runes into their chitin, particularly soldiers who sought the favour of the gods in battle. Personally, Caramel saw it as nothing more than barbaric self-mutilation.
Caramel mentioned none of this, as to not wake the ravenous beast that was Twilight Sparkle's curiosity.

"That's... fascinating!" exclaimed Twilight as she shuffled towards him like a foal captivated with a fairy tale. Caramel took a few cautious steps back, unsure of what to make of the starry-eyed unicorn.

"Uhh, yeah, I suppose it is... Could I get on with my story now, preferably uninterrupted?"

Twilight suddenly became aware of Caramel's impatient glare, and smiled sheepishly. "Right, sorry."

"Thanks, anyways..."

"Stand fast drone," commanded the guard as they approached the throne room. "And remember your courtesies. The queen does not take well to informalities."
Two changelings stood guard at the entrance armed with menacing spears In their hooves and sheathed daggers across their chests. He struggled not to yelp in disgust as he noticed the extensive amount of religious glyphs that distorted and mangled their faces. To say it looked horrific would have been an understatement. There was no mistaking these two for anything other than guardsmen of the crown.

His escort addressed them both with a curt nod. "Ser Kaathe, Ser Frauk, the queen has bid the presence of this drone." She gave a careless wave in his general direction. The two disfigured guardsmen eyed him apprehensively.

"Are you sure this is the one?" asked the changeling known as Kaathe in a voice no more than a rasp. "I expected something more."

"Certain."

The two guards exchanged looks and shrugged indifferently. "Very well then, we bid you entry." With practiced formality the glyphed changelings slid to the side, fell to their haunches and opened the large regal doors of the throne room. Before he could object, his escort ferried him through the doors, which slammed shut with an echoing thud behind him.

And just like that, he found himself face to face with Queen Chrysalis.

Her slender figure sat poised upon a throne of ebony stone, framed in the orange light of the dusk which poured through the wide windows behind her. The fierce and burning emerald of her half lidded eyes scrutinised him mercilessly, and her lips were frozen in a neutral expression which somehow managed to unnerve him more than a frown ever could. Limp strands of pale blue mane hung from her head and traced down her long and elegant neck, which had been furnished with a necklace which matched the green of her irises.
The queen of the changelings, right there, in front of him...

'Bow you twat!'

Recovering from the shock, he immediately collapsed into a bow so low he head-butted the floor. Ouch. He stammered for a quick 'your highness', however the words died halfway out of his throat, and came out as a sloppy, incomprehensible blurt.

'Aaaaand there goes first impressions.'

Queen Chrysalis either didn't notice his blunder or didn't care, as her fair face remained emotionless, as if set in stone. "Rise drone, and come forth," she beckoned in a musical, alluring voice.

Eager to make up for his earlier clumsiness, he hastily brought himself before her. He didn't dare look Chrysalis in the eye. Heck, he was on the verge of a panic attack as it was! He began to categorise all of the grisly things a changeling as powerful as Chrysalis could do to him. Turn him to stone, burn him into ash, fashion him into a balloon animal...

'For the love of the hive, control yourself!'

"Why are you here, drone?" asked Chrysalis, dismounting her throne and striding a circle around his hunched form, examining him with attentiveness.

"B-because you asked for me, your highness?" he stammered fearfully. Chrysalis gave a slow shake of her head, followed by a short, sharp burst of laughter.

"You misunderstand me. Why are you here, at the hive?"

'Quick! Think of something patriotic to say!'

"To serve the empire, my Queen."

The changeling queen let forth another bout of laughter, clapping her hooves against the floor in a mocking applause. "Patriotism is all well and good, my little changeling, but there's no use in lying to Me." She slid a hoof beneath his chin and effortlessly raised his head, forcing him to look upon her well-chiselled face. "Now, the truth."

"...My mother, your highness."

Chrysalis cocked an eyebrow and flashed him an amused smirk. "Your mother? Why would-" She cut herself off as she noticed the uniqueness of his features. The low brow, the long ears, the deep, sullen eyes... "Ah," she stated with a note of finality, as if it were more of an answer than an exclamation. "You hail from the High Mountains, yes?"
He nodded meekly. The High Mountains, his home, sat countless miles to the west. I was an uneven and grassy land, dotted with rolling hills and monumental mountains. The changelings who chose to live there were hardy folk, if not a bit reclusive. Some called it the land of beauty,

She called it the land of the starving.

"I take it you lived with your family, yes?"
Another nod.
"A family who hadn't enough love to feed their son?"

"..."

She took his silence as a 'yes'.

It was no secret that the changeling empire lacked adequate means of feeding itself, and out of all the lands under Chrysalis' rule, the High Mountains had undoubtedly suffered the most. The reports she'd been receiving on the area's agricultural capacities alone were enough to make her cringe. Entire villages had succumbed to starvation, and it only seemed to be getting worse. Reduced rations, riots borne of panic, mass graves... Her empire faced a grim and possibly fatal predicament.
But they were not without hope.

"Tell me little one," she purred, caressing his cheek with a motherly affection. "Where do your loyalties lie?"

"With you, my highness." he answered unthinkingly. She had to admit, this drone was an exceptionally skilled liar, perhaps one of the best she'd ever seen, but not even the shiftiest of tongues could outsmart one as trained in the art of fibbing as her.

"Another lie, my little changeling." She said with a tut. "Now, out with the truth."

He flinched. Damn, caught out again. Why did the Queen have to be such a good lie detector? He cast his eyes to the floor in shame. Did lying to the Queen count as treason? Hopefully not. "I'... I'd always been taught that family comes first, my Queen."

Chrysalis' smile widened, momentarily flashing the full extent of her predatory fangs. Perfect. "What if I told you there was a land, not too distant from here, brimming with love?" His face remained stoic, but not even a liar as good as he could hide that hungry, animalistic glint that showed in the eye of any changeling upon the mention of love. She had him hooked, and now all she had to do was reel him in. "But there is a problem, my little changeling," she baited him with a pause, relishing in his attentiveness. Drones were so easily manipulated. "The rulers of this land aren't willing to share."

The night roared outside as a flash of lightning sliced through the sky.

"Tis a lie! Thy Queen had bid no audience with us!" bellowed Princess Luna. Caramel resisted the urge to groan in frustration. Couldn't a guy just tell a story without any interruptions?
Celestia attracted her sister's attention with a gruff clearing of her throat, and cast her an aggravated glare. Luna blushed and looked to the side. "Right, inside voice. Sorry."

"I think what my sister was trying to say was that we had received no request from the changelings." added Princess Celestia. "In fact, apart from an anonymous warning, Equestria had never even heard of your species before the Canterlot invasion."

Caramel grimaced at the mention of the invasion. There it was, the elephant in the room, the fact that his kind had staged a hostile takeover of Canterlot no less than five months ago. The other mares in the room wore indifferent faces, but he could feel their sordid anger hanging about like a foul odour in the air as Celestia mentioned the attack.

'You invaded their country, farmed their love and trapped their princess in a cocoon full of goo; they have the right to be angry, don'tcha think?'

'Well do they have to blame me? I wasn't part of the invasion force!'

'No, you were part of something much worse, now get on with your story and stop arguing with yourself you bloody schizophrenic.'

He broke the silence with an awkward laugh. "Well, isn't that something, eh?" Caramel was apprehensive of Celestia's honeyed words. Anypony could lie, and Princess Celestia was no exception, but then again, whoever said it was Celestia who told the lie? Now that he thought about it Chrysalis wasn't exactly the most trustworthy of folk, what with the kidnapping of Princess Cadence and all.

But the queen wouldn't lie to her subjects, would she?

'Rule number one in the changeling handbook Caramel, everypony lies.'

A cold shiver ran down his spine as he quietly pondered his suspicions. It was a scary thought, to say the least. His kind had entrusted Chrysalis with leadership over their entire empire, and she may be willing to lie to them through her teeth. Then again, it was just as likely that Celestia was being untruthful. She said she hadn't heard of the changelings before, but the only concrete evidence of this was her word.

*Ahem* Twilight cleared her throat. Right, he was meant to be going over his story, wasn't he?

"Sorry," he said, pushing his speculative thoughts to the back of his head. He'd think about it later. "Anyways, back to the story."

Not willing to share? His nation were starving in their homes, and they were not willing to share? His life on the High Mountains had offered little food, and what miniscule amounts of sustenance there was had been divided among the other townsfolk. He'd sacrificed half of his meals to feed his little brother, often leaving him with an empty stomach. For days on end he had worked and slaved without even the slightest hint of love, and they were not willing to share?
A foul anger brewed inside of him, primal, savage and fierce. Not willing to share. He ran the sentence through his mind again and again, pouring gasoline into the roaring pit of rage were his heart used to be.

Not

Willing

To share?

Did they even know the meaning of starvation? Did they ever have to bury the starved, deprived corpses of their neighbours? Did they ever have to comfort their father as he sobbed hysterically over his failure to feed his family? Did they know what it felt like to see the slow rising and falling of an infant's chest slowly come to a stop as hunger took them? Did they know how it felt to suffer?

Queen Chrysalis could feel the heat of the drone's anger welling from inside of him. Good. The only thing better than a servant was a willing servant, and she had no doubt that this little changeling would be more than ready to take on the task she had in mind for him.

"So, my little changeling," she mewled, smiling at him approvingly. "How would you like to help?"

"Help, your majesty?" his voice wavered with fury. Wonderful. So much hate for Ponykind, and he hadn't even met them yet. Drones had always been gullible, that was why she adored them so much. A doer was infinitely more useful than a thinker, after all.
"I don't think I'd be much help with anything, ma'am." he said, lowering his head in a sudden wave of shame. As much as he hated to admit it, there really wasn't much that he was particularly talented at, and the few skills he did possess would hardly be much use in any international affairs, unless the situation was calling for somechangeling with a talent for reciting songs or origami (hey, he needed something to do in his free time, and The Badlands weren't exactly bristling with hobby opportunities).

"You underestimate yourself, drone." she stated with a knowing smirk. "You may be far more talented than you originally thought."

He hadn't a clue what she was talking about.

"There's one little nuisance I need to keep under observation... well, six to be exact." she paused to take in the hopelessly confused expression plastered across his face. This would take some explaining. "This greedy little country has some very powerful weapons, which I want you to report to me on."

Chrysalis could smell his emotions spilling through the air, shock, fear, anger, confusion, but most importantly, determination. She had known this drone would serve her well the moment she laid eyes on him, he simply radiated with obedience. He was perfect for the job.

"I'll bore you with the details later," she continued. "But, long story short, I need a spy, and according to your results in the aptitude tests, you're exactly the kind of changeling that I need."

Ah yes, the aptitude tests. Every changeling who came to the hive looking for work would be forced to partake in them. They were a simple yet strenuous set of exercises which tested ones physical strength, magical capabilities and skills in the use of disguises. The results would remain undisclosed in order to retain the lack of individuality that the populace of the hive's lower sections had. Individuality led to arguments, and arguments led to unproductivity.

Wait, did she just ask him to be a spy?

"I-I... Y-y-your highness! This can't be- I mean I'm not the kind of..." the words flowed from him in a stuttering mess. He was dreaming, right? Things like this simply didn't happen in reality. Yes, he was dreaming, that was it. Any minute now he'd wake up in his sleeping compartment with Mr Jingles wrapped firmly in his forelegs. This was a dream, just a silly little dream...

Only he wasn't waking up.

"But your majesty, surely there are others better suited for this!" he exclaimed as the shock of the situation began to take hold of him. She wanted him to be a spy. A spy! Not to sound treasonous, but was she out of her bloody mind?

The queen dismissed his qualms with a chuff. The drone had no idea how good his scores in shape shifting were. True, she had other minions who were well trained in the art of stealth and disguises, but they were soldiers. This was a job for a working changeling, not some lead-headed warmonger. She needed somechangeling normal, somechangeling average, somechangeling who wouldn't have the slightest difficulty in blending in with Equestrian society.

She needed him.

Of course, she'd expected him to be somewhat reluctant, hence why she was so ecstatic about his origins. The changelings of the High Mountains were starving, and if this little one had any soul, he'd be willing to do this, if not for her, then for them.

"Think about it, drone. You'll be discovering new places, aiding your country in its time of need and ensuring the survival of our very species!" said Chrysalis with great flamboyance. "Surely it is better than spending the next few years cooped up in the bowels of the hive!" She bent in closer, bringing herself down to eye level with the changeling. "Do this, and help me bring an end to this cursed famine."

'An end to the famine?'

Wait, was he actually considering this? This was lunacy! He wasn't a spy, he was a worker! Heck, the closest thing he had to experience in espionage was feigning sickness to get a couple of days off of work! Did Queen Chrysalis really expect him, of all changelings, to infiltrate another country?

Chrysalis picked up on his uncertainty, and stomped it out in a heartbeat. "You'll be trained in the art of stealth by some of the finest teachers I have to offer. By the end of the year you'll practically be an expert in infiltration, disguises, and all of the other oily methods of deception."
It may have been a nuisance, but the drone's lack of training was indeed a problem. No matter, he had the raw materials of a master spy, and she would see to it that he embraced the profession.

'Oh come on already! Queen Chrysalis is offering you the chance of a lifetime, you'd be a fool not to accept this!'

No. That was it. He'd had it with this lunacy. He would just tell Chrysalis to find a more capable changeling and be off.

'You heard what she said, you could help stop the famine, purge The Badlands of hunger! We'd be hailed as heroes, man!'

A changeling such as himself simply wasn't cut out for this line of work. He'd probably be better off-

'Lying around the dark bowels of the hive for another three or four years? In the name of the gods, just take the offer already! There's nothing for you here but a cold bed and gloominess. Come on, everychangeling has dreamt about being a spy at least once in their life, don't you at least want to give this a try?'

It was too dangerous. Yes, that was it, too dangerous! A backwards idiot like him would achieve nothing apart from getting himself captured, and then what? Torture? Death? Torture and then death? Torture and then death and then torture again? An oaf like him would probably waltz right in to the enemy's clutches!

'You could save your home... your family...'

... Bugger.

"Your highness," he announced, sweeping into a low bow. "I'd be honoured to serve as your spy."

He was getting glares.

A lot of glares.

"You're a spy?" said Rainbow Dash, spitting out the word 'spy' as if it were something vile. Her ears flattened against her skull and her frown deepened into a baneful glower. Rarity didn't look much better, whilst Twilight and Fluttershy looked more shocked than anything. Celestia wore her impenetrable poker face, whilst Luna frowned with a mild distaste. As for Pinkie Pie...

"You're a spy? Oh my gosh that is so. Totally. Awesome! Do you have any cool gadgets? How about a laser watch? A pen bomb? Oh oh oh! How about a laser pen bomb watch? Do you know Doughnut Joe? Can I see your license to kill? How do you prefer your milkshakes, shaken or stirred? What's your secret codename? Is it Double-O? Bourne? Smiley? Tinker? Tailor? Soldier? Have you ever-"

"That's quite enough, Pinkie Pie." interrupted Celestia. Caramel felt a queer quiver run along his spine as Celestia addressed him with a stern look. "I trust that what you have told us is the truth, yes?"

He nodded slowly. Espionage wasn't a crime to be taken lightly, and he doubted he'd be getting off easy. The Royal Canterlot Gardens always had enough room for another statue, after all...
'Hey, don't even think like that! This is Celestia we're talking about, y'know? The great, merciful goddess of the sun! She wouldn't turn little old me to stone just because of a little bit of intelligence gathering, would she?'

Her stoic glare told otherwise.

"Changeling, your actions against this country, the crown and my ponies cannot and will not go unpunished." her voice was cold and void of emotion. Caramel swore that he could feel his gut freeze over as the words sank in. Celestia's tone was that of an executioner, and he had painfully clear idea on who was going to be her victim.
Celestia continued, unfazed by the changeling's gradually sinking expression. "Your crimes are severe, and the punishment for such crimes can only be one thing..."

'Oh no... she's actually going to do it. Dear Chrysalis, I'm going to spend the rest of eternity as a garden ornament!'

"In the name of the crown, I hereby sentence you to," a sly grin flashed across her face. "House arrest!"

'For the love of all that's holy, I'm too pretty to be a statue! I-I can't handle spending the rest of time in a garden, I have hay fever for pity's sake-
'Wait... did she just say...'

"You shall be confined to your property indefinitely and placed under the constant observation. Should the necessity to leave your home arise, then you are to be accompanied by a pony of my choosing." She leaned in closer. "Leaving your house unaccompanied, attempting to escape or even thinking about causing harm to my little ponies shall lead to severe punishment, understood?"

Caramel shivered at the sincerity of her threats. 'Severe Punishment' likely meant a one-way ticket to the Canterlot garden in the form of statue, which he desperately wished to avoid. "Oh you're understood, your majesty," he answered with a gulp. "You are so understood."

"Good," she replied with a small smile. "now if you wouldn't mind, I'd like a word with the elements. Luna, would you be so kind as to escort our friend back to his home?"

"Aye, sister," said Luna as she folded a graceful wing around Caramel's barrel. "Come changeling, allow our sister some privacy with her subjects."

Caramel followed without objection, eager to get as far away from Celestia as possible, lest she change her mind and decide to throw him into a decrepit prison cell. He gave a hasty farewell to the other mares in the room before allowing Luna to lead him out of the library.

"Princess Celestia... did you just let a changeling spy get off scot-free?" asked Rainbow Dash, still staring at the spot where Caramel had been standing no less than a second ago.

Celestia allowed herself a small chuckle. "Do not fret, my little ponies, for I have a plan."

"And just what would that plan be?" inquired Twilight as she trotted up to her mentor's side.

A sly smile stretched across Celestia's face. "My little ponies, I have a task for you."

Author's Note

Ta-da! Behold the mega chapter!
Anyways, this is my official end of the prologue, all chapters here on out shall focus on the dating advice of the mane six and a few other noticeable faces.

Sorry this took so long, life decided to drag me kicking and screaming from my computer. Expect more updates... whenever. I don't do so well with schedules. Still, I'll try and quicken up the pace and have the new chapter out ASAP.

Please leave a comment and constructive criticism.

A Predicament of Pie

Caramel wove his way through the apple orchards, eager to declare his work done for the day. Farm-work was hard, but the payment was more than satisfactory. Seven hours a day for forty bits and all the love he could eat (courtesy of Applejack)! The sky was pink in the summer's dusk with the dark hue of night pinching at the edges of the horizon, and a cool wind whispered through the air.

Fine weather, fine work, fine payment, and a very fine marefriend. What more could a changeling ask for?

He opened the front door to the Apple family residence and inhaled the savoury smell of freshly cooked apple pie. Granny Smith had been cooking again, and judging by the horrendous mess in the kitchen, Applebloom had "helped". It perplexed him how a filly so small could conjure up a mess so large, speaking of which, where was Applebloom? In fact, where was anypony? He had worked at Sweet Apple Acres for nigh on a year now, and he never recalled it being this quiet.

"Hello," he called out uncertainly. "anypony home?"

"Hey there, Caramel."

He whirled around, coming eye to eye with Applejack. Sweet Chrysalis, was she trying to give him a heart attack?

"Applejack! Sweet Celestia, you frightened m-" the words died in his throat as he noticed that Applejack was cradling what was undoubtedly the biggest apple he had ever seen between her forelegs. The bulbous red fruit was easily twice the size of his head, and its surface was polished to a fine reflective sheen.
"... Applejack, since when did you start giving apples steroids?"

"Y’all watch yer manners!" she snapped defensively. "This here's mah new coltfriend, an' ah ain't gonna have no two faced rascal like yourself spittin' out any hateful remarks!"

He blinked...

...

He blinked again...

'What?'

"Did you just call that thing... your 'coltfriend'?" he asked, staring at the humungous apple disbelievingly.

"Eeyup!" answered Applejack with pride, and nuzzled the apple affectionately. "He's handsome, funny, romantic, an' best of all"-her emerald eyes glared into his with such ferocity that he nearly leapt backwards in terror. The malevolent pools of green that were her irises burst into a baneful shade of crimson, and the oily depths of her pupils erupted into pits of lashing fire. -"HE DOESN'T LIE!"

"NO!" he squealed as he bolted upwards, clutching the sheets to his chest defensively.
'A nightmare... just a nightmare...'
Caramel released the breath he realised he had been holding, and fell back into his bed, panting like an animal. The relentless thudding of his heartbeat in his ears drowned out his rasping breaths. An icy glazing of sweat clung his black chitin, and the mattress beneath him was virtually sodden with the stuff.

'Nothing but a nightmare... nothing but a nightmare... nothing but some stupid nightmare.'

He reached towards the drawer he kept near his bedside with a quivering hoof, opened it, and withdrew the packet of bubble-gum he kept hidden away for nights such as these. Caramel slotted a wad of gum into his mouth and chewed it agressively. The tension gradually began to drain from his body, and he sank back into his bed with a weary sigh. In the name of Chrysalis, he hadn't been that freaked out by a dream since he was five! Mr. Jingles sat at the edge of the bed, staring Caramel down with his mismatched button eyes. He plucked up the teddy bear and drew it into a hug. It was a ragged old thing, but Caramel found solace in its velveteen fur nonetheless.
Bubble-gum and a teddy bear, his ultimate cure to just about anything.

He glanced at the clock that hung upon his bedroom wall. Six in the morning. Well, it wasn't exactly like he had anything planned for today (apart from wallowing in his own self pity, of course), so he may as well- Wait, what was that smell?
Sniffing tentatively at the air, Caramel realised that the stench of stale sweat wasn't the only thing he reeked of. He threw the sheets off of the bed, and cringed as he noticed the soggy patch on his bedding between his legs.

'Note to self, stop drinking before going to bed.'

Apart from washing his soured bedding, the rest of his morning consisted of little more than hunkering down into his favourite chair and waiting for the day to end. There wasn't really much else to do. House arrest had robbed him of any chance of entertainment, and it wasn't exactly like had a job to go to. He seriously doubted that Applejack would let him keep his job at Sweet Apple Acres after... what happened...

'Applejack...'

When Caramel first arrived at Ponyville he had harboured nothing but hate for ponies. To him they were nothing but a greedy bunch of self-righteous jerks who garbed themselves with ideologies of 'love' and 'acceptance', yet shunned anything that didn't have a cutie mark plastered across their buttocks. At the time, bringing their precious little empire crashing down upon their heads would have appealed him to no end.
Then he met Applejack.

Initially he had loathed her much like he had loathed everypony else, even more so, actually. After applying for a job at Sweet Apple Acres he had worked virtually shoulder to shoulder with her from Monday to Friday, meaning that he had to spend the majority of his week listening to her ramblings about her friends and family, neither of which he had given a damn about at the time. Of course, he would smile and nod and commend her for being so honest and loyal to her friends, and she would smile bashfully and giggle like a school filly whenever he threw a compliment her way. Ponies were so eager to give affection to their own kind. He had viewed her as a necessary blight, something he had to endure lest he starve... that was, until he fell completely head-over-hooves in love with her...

One year ago.

The rain came lashing down in sheets, flung forward by brutal gusts of wind. The storm had caught him and Applejack in the middle of the orchard, and was pounding at them relentlessly. Damnable pony weather, why would a race capable of manipulating the clouds choose to make it rain so bloody hard?
'Damned Equestria and its terrible weather...'
Caramel suspected that Rainbow Pony, that little wart seemed to hold some kind of personal vendetta against him ever since he'd bucked her lazy flank out of that tree.
'Damned ponies and their stupid napping areas...'
Applejack stumbled towards him, struggling against the increasingly savage winds. One hoof was holding her beloved Stetson to her head. Her braided golden mane danced in the wind, and her eyes were squinted against the rain. Two baskets full to the brim with apples hung from her sides.
'Damned Applejack...'

"Caramel!" she yelled over the fierce howling of the storm. "C'mon, we best get ourselves inside. This foul weather's only gunna get worse!" Applejack beckoned him to follow her with her free hoof. They made their way towards the house. It wasn't uncommon for the Apple family to allow their workers to take refuge in their own home whenever the weather got too rough to work the orchards in. He doubted that they would show such compassion to anything other than a pony. Bloody selfish Equestrians...

Caramel save the internal rants on his hatred for the Equine race for later. It was freezing out here in the rain, and what really mattered at the moment was getting inside before he caught himself a cold. The front door to the house had been left ajar, and the welcoming glow of a loaming fireplace poured out onto the porch. He could almost feel the sweet warmth on his coat already.

Applejack caught his attention with a whistle. "Hey, d'ya mind helpin' me unload this here batch?" she asked, gesturing to the baskets full of apples she had draped across her sides.

"Sure, no problem." he answered half-heartedly. In the name of Chrysalis, the gods and the Runeforgers, he loathed this mare, even more so than those insufferable friends of hers he'd been tasked to spy on. She was as stubborn as a mule, as thick as a brick and as bossy as his mother!

He begrudgingly fell in beside her and followed her towards the barn, which served as a storage area for the crops. The building reeked of wood-chippings and straw. A fat drop of water fell from the rafters above and plopped onto his nose. Great, if the smell wasn't bad enough, now it was leaking as well.

"Help me get these off, will ya?" said Applejack as she fidgeted with the baskets around her sides. Caramel began to pry open the awkward little latches which held the thatched baskets to Applejack's body. Removing these blasted things required two sets of hooves, and even then it still proved a challenge. If he could use his magic then work on Sweet Apple Acres would be immeasurably easier.
As he tugged open the final latch the baskets fell to the ground and their contents tumbled out. Damned apples, why couldn't ponies just eat love instead? It was easier to find, tasted better and didn't require a farm to produce.

"Don't worry, ah'll clean it up!" interjected Applejack, hastily snatching the apples from the floor and plopping them back into the containers. Caramel raised an eyebrow. Hmph, somepony was eager to please. He turned to make his leave. There was a spot on the Apple family couch with his name on it, and a crackling fire that he was eager to bask in front of.
"Thanks fer all the help, Caramel..."

A quick, unexpected flicker of emotion buzzed through him as his name rolled off her tongue. It was a braising heat mingled with a buzz so strong it almost made him jump. like jumping into a cold pool of warm water, or basking in the sunlight on a rainy day, freezing and burning at the same time...

It felt like love, only better.

He glanced over his shoulder back at Applejack. She was transfixed on him, analysing him from head-to-hoof with dreamy, half lidded eyes. The emerald of her irises glimmered with some foreign emotion, and her mouth had fashioned itself into a content smile as they drifted towards his flank. Once again the unknown emotion brushed against his senses, lingering in the air like a spicy, intoxicating censer.
Caramel hazarded a taste, and almost gasped as the overwhelming power of the emotion flowed through him. His blood thickened and his head swayed as the feeling enclosed him in its warm, fuzzy grasp.

"Applejack?" he said, recalling her from her ogling. She threw her head to the side, and the emotion disappeared as quickly as it had come. It left an emptiness within him, one he desperately felt the need to fill.
He wanted- no- needed more.

A slight blush rose in her cheeks. "Y-yeah?" she stammered out. She tried her hardest to cover up her embarrassment by forcing a neutral expression on to her face, but there was no hiding it from the changeling. The sickly tinge of embarrassment and shame was far too potent for him to miss. Caramel could only gawk. She'd been ogling him... Applejack, his boss, an element of freakin' harmony, was checking him out!

'Don't just stand there gaping at the mare, say something you moron!'

Suddenly aware of the painfully awkward silence, Caramel blurted out the first thing that came to mind. "Were you just staring at my butt?"

"N-no!" yelped Applejack. "Ah was jus'... Uh..." her eyes darted from side to side, as if looking for a way out. Of course, she didn't find one. "I-it was only..." she deflated with a groan and hid her face behind her hooves as her embarrassment thickened.

'Great, now look at what you've done. Insensitive jerk... Wait, why am I feeling bad about this? She's a pony for Chrysalis' sakes, she doesn't deserve my pity! It's not like the Equestrians ever spared any pity for us!'

"Dagnabit, Applejack, now look what ya gone an' done..." muttered the farmer, quietly berating herself.

'... Okay, so maybe I was a bit of a jerk.'

He shuffled uneasily towards Applejack, whose face was currently so red that he could have mistaken her for her brother. How exactly do you comfort a pony, a mare no less? His experience with the opposite sex wasn't exactly vast, but wasn't physical contact supposed to help? Or was it kind words? Presents? No, that was for birthdays and the like. Weird pony tradition, that...

The acrid taste of embarrassment attacked his senses once more. Drat, he was dawdling! With every passing second Applejack's shame grew more intense, and with it, his guilt.

Oh, just hug her already and be done with it!

Unsure of what else to do, he folded his forelegs around her in an awkward yet gentle hug. She gasped in shock as he threw his hooves around her.

'There! Ponies like hugs, don't they?' he thought to himself as he adjusted his legs around her shoulders. He was doing this right, wasn't he? Or was he supposed to put his forelegs around her barrel? Whatever, he'd find an instruction manual on this sort of thing later. Damned ponies and their overcomplicated ways of displaying affection.
Applejack returned the hug with a surprising amount of enthusiasm. The harmonic scent of love teased his senses once more. He displayed less caution this time, and allowed the delectable stream of emotion to flow into him. He closed his eyes, and allowed it to swallow him up.

One of Applejack's hooves gradually began to work its way upwards, eventually settling on the nape of his neck. Strands of golden mane licked at his nose as she readjusted herself to bring her face to his. The warmth of her breath across his cheeks settled over him like the softest of blankets, and for a moment, Caramel thought himself content.

Then she kissed him, and he realised that he didn't even know the meaning of the word.

Her lips locked with his in a firm, passionate, and lasting kiss. The hoof that she had hooked around his neck pulled him into it, and the foreleg looped around his torso pulled him further still. Her muscle-strewn chest pressed into him as she brought him closer, turning their once friendly hug into something far more intimate. The banquet of emotion still poured into him, but he took no notice of it. Instead, he directed his attention to the mare in his forelegs. Without so much as a hint of hesitation, he returned the kiss.
And then, as soon as it had begun, it was over. Applejack flung herself away from him with a little *eep* reminiscent of Fluttershy. Caramel stood rigid with his mouth agape, the taste of Applejack still fresh in his mouth.

"Ah-ah'm sorry!" stammered Applejack. She looked upon him with an expression that was almost fearful. "Ah don't know what came over me, ah was only-"

His mind felt numb, and his body weak. She had kissed him. Kissed him! This was- that was just... It was... He didn't know. Like most changelings, he had experienced love countless times before and fed on it on more occasions than he could remember, but this time, that kiss, had been different. He hadn't stole it from some passing couple, nor was it some passive affection earned by some half-witted compliment. This love, so pure and powerful and simple, had been given to him out of free will...

She loved him. By the name of Chrysalis and the gods, she loved him.

Applejack was still blurting out apologies and pleas for forgiveness. He'd been so pent up in his min-revelation that he hadn't bothered to listen. Looking at her now he found her remarkably different. This wasn't some spiteful minion of a greedy sun goddess who preached fake ideals of happiness and friendship, nor some bucket of emotion for him to gorge himself on.
This was merely a girl who'd fell in love with her co-worker, and he'd been too damned blind to realise it up until now.

"Applejack," he said, cutting her apologetic ramble short. "Kiss me again."

Yeah, he really said that. After their first date to the cinema, Caramel realised just how clichéd he must have sounded. But it had worked, hadn't it? That moment in the barn had been the turning point for Caramel. He actually began listening to the ponies around him rather than just smiling and nodding whenever they opened their mouths. It is surprising how much you can discover by simply listening to somepony. For example:
-Pinkie Pie was a huge fan of Dragons and Daggers. She'd visited dozens of conventions and sometimes went by the name 'Pinkie the Powerful'.
-Rainbow Dash was the head of the chess club back in high school, and it was rumoured that she still had an affection for the game, although she was hasty to deny it whenever asked.
-Rarity knew the lyrics to every Iron Mare song in existence, owns each of their albums and has followed them on tour four times since she met him. She told everypony else that she was going to Canterlot to attend to 'fashion business'.
-Twilight practiced playing the flute in her free time, and had become a fairly skilled musician over the years.
-Fluttershy owned what was perhaps the most expansive collection of horror movies in Equestria, from the Final Destineightion series to The Headless Horseman saga.
But out of all the ponies he had got to know, he knew Applejack the best. There was something about her which captivated him like no other pony or changeling had before. She taught him new things, introduced him to new ponies and above all made him feel new emotions... Emotions which he'd never felt for anypony before. And he'd lied to her about everything.

He must have looked like a monster in her eyes. He definitely felt like one. Applejack had invited him into her heart with open forelegs, and he'd crushed it between his hooves. It was like something out of a horror story. A mare fell in love with a stallion, only to have him turn into some twisted and terrible beast, complete with fangs. Maybe if he had just told her from the very beginning then none of this would ever have happened. But no, he had to keep his dirty little secret from her for an entire year before dumping it on her like a ton of bricks. How does somechangeling apologise for something so big? So bad? So indescribably evil?

The answer came in the form of a merry rapping at his door.

A visitor? This early in the morning? That was rather unusual. He donned his disguise and undid the latch on his front door, whipping the crusted remains of sleep out of his eyes as he did so in a last bid attempt to make himself look presentable. He opened the door and-

"Hey there Carrie!" wailed Pinkie at the top off her lungs, shoving her face into his and totally disregarding any measures of personal space whatsoever.

Caramel cartwheeled backwards into a pile of jumbled limbs. Why did Pinkie Pie have to be so, well, Pinkie Pie? Having some crazy mare almost give him a heart attack wasn't his idea of a good start to the day. Besides, he was in the middle of sulking to himself! Shouldn't Pinkie know better than to bother somepon- somechangeling right after a breakup? The next couple of days were reserved for cramming ice cream down his gullet and crying over sad movies. He simply didn't have time for Pinkie's antics!

"Pinkie Pie," sighed Caramel un-amusedly. "What are you doing here?" Out of all of Applejack's friends, Pinkie Pie was his least favourite. She was interruptive, jumpy, overly energetic- that's not to say that he didn't like her. On the contrary, Pinkie was a loyal friend to just about anypony she met, however that didn't change the fact that she was just so damned... Tiring! You could apply the most relaxing thing in the world to Pinkie Pie, and it would immediately become a chore. Her sporadic behaviour could be entertaining at times, but after five minutes of so it'd lose its charm and turn into yet another annoyance.

"Hmm?" she tilted her head to the side and eyed him questioningly. "Hasn't anypony told you?"

"Told me what?" asked Caramel disgruntledly. He'd never been a morning person, and the added doses of breakup-induced self-loathing and Pinkie Pie weren't exactly making his morning any brighter.

"Well you see"- she inhaled deeply -"when Princess Luna saw Applejack all sad and mopey because you turned out to be a beetle-borg she was all like 'aaaw, poor Applejack' and so she told Celestia and she was like 'oh no, my poor little pony!' So then she decided to put you under house arrest and surveillance and stuff but then she told us to help you get back together with Applejack so she'd be nice and happy again and we all chose to try and help you out on different days except for Rainbow Dash because she absolutely hates you and I chose today to be the one to help you so come on!"

Another thing about Pinkie Pie, she didn't tend to acknowledge the existence of the full stop.

"You lost me at beetle-borg." he deadpanned.

With a heavy sigh and an overemphasised roll of her eyes Pinkie Pie gave Caramel a clear explanation.

"So let me get this straight," said Caramel. "A stallion breaks your friend’s heart, turns out to be a changeling and has been spying on you for the past year... And you want to help this stallion get his marefriend back?"

"Well duh!" she gave a small, hysterical giggle. "That's what friends are for silly! Haven't you learned anything about the friendship of magic?"

Caramel smiled despite himself. Aggravating or not, Pinkie Pie, as well as her other friends, were willing to help him. Even after all his trickery, spying and deceit, they were still going to lend a helping hoof. That was friendship for you, he supposed. It was a bond reminiscent of family, only far more difficult to understand. He'd spent months on end trying to get his head around it. Out of all the ideals the Equestrians stood for, friendship was one of their foremost. Now that he had experienced it, he felt as if he understood it even less. Friendship was magic, and a mighty confusing one at that.

"Pinkie, I appreciate the offer, I really do, but the thing is..." he sighed ponderously. "I don't think I can do this."

"Pfft, what are you talking about? With friends as good as mine, there's no way you can fail!" said Pinkie Pie reassuringly.

"No, no, it's not that I doubt anypony. It's just..." he chewed his lip thoughtfully. "I don't think I can face her, you know? Applejack."
He was a liar, and Applejack didn't have any time for liars. There was no salvaging what was left of their broke relationship, especially now since he told everypony that he was a spy. Caramel didn't even want to think about how Applejack would react to the news. She'd probably beat the snot out of him all over again, not that he didn't deserve it.
'A whole year. You kept your little ruse up for a whole year. How would you explain that to her, hmm? Just tell her that it was your job? You should never have followed her into that damned barn. Everything would have gone so much smoother if you hadn't gone and fallen in love like an absolute idiot. Look around Caramel, just look at all the pain your love has caused.'

"You know, for somepony who's been dating her for a year, you really don't know Applejack very well." said Pinkie Pie.

That earned a stiff glare from Caramel. "And just what is that supposed to mean?" he asked, eyeing the pink mare incredulously. Of course he knew Applejack well, he'd been spying on, as well as dating, her for the past year! He knew everything about her, from her favourite cereal to her childhood crush. His encyclopaedic knowledge of her may have been deemed 'creepy' by some ponies, but in changeling society, such extensive knowledge of a loved one was deemed as flattery. Many changelings would study their partners for hours on end to prove themselves worthy mates!

Pinkie huffed at him. "Come on, Carrie, everypony knows that Applejack is a super laid back mare, she'll forgive you no problem!"

"She threw me out of a window!"

Pinkie Pie shrugged her shoulders, as if being lobbed from the upper storey of a house wasn't a big deal. "Well maybe you should try telling her your sorry!" she stated obnoxiously, a if it was the answer to the simplest question in the world. "A sincere 'I'm sorry' can turn even the biggest frowns upside down!"

Caramel's glare stiffened. "I don't think just saying sorry is going to make up for a year's worth of spying and deceit, Pinkie."

"Hmm," hummed Pinkie, tapping her chin thoughtfully and scrunching her brow in thought. "I suppose that would be asking for a lot..." her ears pricked up as an idea worked its way into her twisted mind. "Oh, I know! You could bake her an 'I'm-super-duper-sorry-pie'!"

"... A what?"

"An I'm-super-duper-sorry-pie," repeated Pinkie Pie. "Or just 'ISDSP' for short." she sprayed spittle into Caramel's face as she pronounced the acronym. An 'I'm sorry pie', really? Did she seriously believe that he could right his wrongs and repair his relationship with Applejack through a pie?

"I don't think some homemade pie is going to fix anything, Pinkie." said Caramel grouchily. Of course it wouldn't. It was pie. Giving Applejack a pie would erase his past sins no more than a Band-Aid would heal a broken leg. Chances were she'd just throw it back in his face, anyways.

"Oh don't be silly, pie solves everything!" she chirped. "It just looks like to me that somepony is feeling a little under-confident."

A little under-confident? She was asking him to get back together with a pony who likely hated his guts right now via pie! What was there to be confident about? This would. Not. Work!

"Pinkie, I think it'd be better if we were to just, you know, leave Applejack alone for now." he said drearily. The aspect of simply letting Applejack walk away was like a punch to the heart. The past year with her had undoubtedly been the best year of his life. There was something unparalleled in knowing that somepony loved him unconditionally. It was almost as if he'd gained another member of his family, only this was somepony with whom he could share absolutely anything with, deepest secrets and all... Excluding the fact that he was a changeling, apparently.

Suddenly and unexpectedly, a pink hoof caught him around the cheek. His head snapped to the side and he reeled away drunkenly. He timidly inspected his throbbing cheek with a hoof of his own, only to find that it stung to the touch. She just slapped him!

"W-what the heck was that for!" he whined, still flinching at pulsing pain.

"For defeatism, silly!" she chirped merrily. "Nopony ever won any hearts by just moping around!"

That was the last straw. Caramel stripped himself of his disguise in an emerald flash of flame, revealing his true and twisted form. "Look at me!" he spat, brandishing his changeling fangs in an ugly snarl. "What good are happy thoughts and pie going to do when you look like this?"
His anger left as quickly as it had come, and his snarl diminished into a frown. "You weren't there, Pinkie." he said solemnly. "You didn't see Applejack, you didn't see how... disgusted she was." he fell back onto his haunches. The bitter memory had haunted him still. He'd felt her revulsion in him, and it had maimed him even more than the black eye and broken tooth she'd inflicted upon him. She didn't see him as a stallion, but rather a disease, a sickness fit only for eradication. Thinking about it made him want to cry. To simply lock himself away and sob endlessly. It was one thing to have the mare you loved hate you, but another thing entirely to know that you actually revolted them.

"Come on, Carrie," Pinkie cooed. "Applejack doesn't hate you because you're a changeling. She hates you because you were a liar!"

Caramel cocked a brow. "And that makes things better how, exactly?"

"Well, seeing as you've revealed yourself and all, you're not a liar anymore!"

That... Kind of made sense in a very Pinkie Pie kind of way. If Applejack was all wound up about him being a spy and all, then she could be willing to forgive him some time or another. All he would have to do is give her a good apology! Something that said 'I'm sorry I spied on you and your friends, please take me back!'
You could get cards for that sort of thing, right?

"You're certain Applejack is only mad about me lying?" he asked uncertainly.

"Trust me," answered Pinkie Pie. "I know my friends."

Caramel re-adorned his disguise. This was a long shot, to say the least. In fact, he may just be kicking a nest full of hornets. But if there was a chance, even the smallest chance that he could set things right, he was going to take it. Life had torn him away from his home and tore him away from his family, he would not let it tear him away from Applejack without a fight.

"Alright," he said. "I'm in."

Caramel waded through the bristling mass of ponies that cluttered the Ponyville market. Customers haggled animatedly with vendors and the air was thick with the earthy smell of fresh fruit and vegetables. He had a list of ingredients tucked into his saddlebags, courtesy of Pinkie Pie. If he was going to bake a pie, he would first need ingredients, and the market had virtually anything imaginable up for sale.

Anything.

Equestrian had a fondness for the strangest of things, as any non-Equestrian would tell you. For instance, ponies had a bizarre affinity for flavoured liquids (or as they liked to call them, 'juices') and had diets that were composed almost solely of sugar and fruit. Back in his homeland sweets and candy were shunned in favour of more preferable delicacies, namely love, or boiled cockroaches (which were actually rather delicious once you got past the fact that you were eating a bug). There was a reason he never went anywhere near Pinkie's cupcakes during her parties. Whilst most equine species loved their confections, changelings most certainly did not. In fact, changelings were generally ignorant of the culinary arts, seeing as all they really needed for survival was love, meaning that they had no want nor need to take up cooking.

Which may a problem, seeing as Pinkie Pie expected him to be baking a pie.

Caramel shrugged it off as he closed in on a stall selling the ingredients he needed. From what he had heard, baking was nothing more than shoving a load of stuff into a bowl and heating it up. So simple that even a foal could do it! Besides, he knew how to make a sandwich, and was a pie really so different? Just replace the lettuce with filling and the bread with... pastry stuff... and hey presto, you've got yourself a pie!

He greeted the mare running the stand and bought himself a bag of flour, which he stored in his saddlebags. That left- he glanced at the recipe Pinkie Pie had given him- sugar, milk, eggs, butter and apples. He intended to stuff it full of diced apples, seeing as they were Applejack's favourite fruit. Caramel cringed when he remembered that the Apple family were the only ones who sold apples at the market. That was bound to get more than a little awkward. Had Applejack told anypony about him being a changeling? If so, the repercussions were likely to be disastrous. Of course he didn't intend to keep his true identity secret forever... He just didn't feel that it was the right time. The Canterlot invasion was still fresh on everypony's mind, so he doubted that Ponyville would be very welcoming towards anychangeling at the moment.

He chewed his lip worriedly. If he wanted apples, he'd have to risk being called out by whoever ran the stand. Applejack was rarely secretive with her feelings, and chances were that she'd shared his secret with her whole family by now.

Caramel waded through the thick crowd of ponies towards the usual setup area for the apple stand, silently praying that he'd some unfamiliar pony at the counter.
'Please, for the love of Chrysalis, Celestia, Luna, the gods and any other legitimate governing body or deity out there, don't let it be Grandma Smith. Anypony but Grandma Smith.' The old and wrinkled working mare may have looked harmless, but if she found out you'd hurt her family in any way, chances were you'd be eating the rest of your meals through a straw.

The apple stand stood where it had always stood, and occupying it was none other than Applejack's big brother, Big Macintosh.
'Big Macintosh? That's even worse! He's basically a freight train with legs! Okay, we'll just meld back into the crowd and hightail it to Sugarcube Corner, Pinkie Pie's bound to have a couple of apples lying around, right?' Too late. Big Mac's eyes had locked onto Caramel the second he'd shown his face. To flee now would be a complete and utter folly. Big Mac was thrice the better runner than Caramel could ever hope to be, and would close the distance between the two of them in the blink of an eye.
'Oh boy... He doesn't look happy.'

It was a rare thing to see Big Mac frown, and rarer still to see him genuinely angry. Currently, he was scrutinising Caramel with a glare so cold that it turned the blood in his veins to ice. It was safe to say that Big Macintosh was angry.

Very angry.

He beckoned Caramel to come closer with a harsh gesture. Seeing no other option, the changeling solemnly approached him. Had anypony been watching him, they would have thought that he was walking towards his own execution. Caramel doubted that Big Mac wanted to talk to him after he'd broke his sister's heart. The only thing he could do was meet his fate like a stallion.

"Please don't kill me..." he squeaked to the muscular, colossal stallion.

Silence.

Big Macintosh's glare stiffened. Anger burned behind those green eyes, hot, righteous anger. For a second, Caramel thought that he was going to reach out, grab him and crush him between those thick logs he had for forelegs. Finally, he spoke.

"Ah know what y'all are."

A chill crawled down Caramel's spine as Big Mac spoke. He'd never heard Big Mac speak when he was angry before. His voice was akin to the rumble of a sleeping dragon. It almost hurt to listen to him.

Caramel shrank before the imposing stallion. "I'm... I'm sorry," he muttered in a trembling voice. "I'm so sorry."

Big Mac narrowed his eyes. "Save yer sorrys fer somepony who'll believe 'em, ah ain't fallin' fer none of yer lies."

"I'm not lying!" cried Caramel, far louder than he had intended to. A few passers by cast him a curious glance before dissolving back into the crowd.

"Yes ya are, it's what yer kind does!" spat Big Macintosh. "Heck, yer lyin' right now, jus' look at y'all!" he pointed towards him accusingly. "Yer usin' that foul magic of yours ta twist yerself into one of us! Well it ain't nothin' but smoke an' mirrors! Cuz underneath all that deception, all you are is a monster ah tell ya, ah gosh darned monster who's hurt ma sister!" Ponies were stopping in their tracks and watching the two stallions with growing curiosity.

"I-I never meant to hurt her so bad, okay?" yelled Caramel. "It's just... She was so happy... And I thought-"

"Ya thought that no harm could come from it. Was that it? Well take a gander Caramel, a lot of harm came from it, yet yer still decievin' everypony regardless!" he made another fierce gesture towards Caramel to prove his point.

The growing circle of ponies surrounding them began to murmur between themselves questioningly. He loathed being the centre of attention, it made Caramel feel boxed in and uncomfortable. The fact that this could turn into a public lynching at any second didn't exactly do much to calm his nerves, either.

"Big Mac, just hear me out!" pleaded Caramel. "I know what I did was wrong, and I know Applejack was hurt because of it,
but please, let me make it up to her! I'm through with lying and I'm done with deceiving-"

"Are ya?" said Big Macintosh. "Well how about ya prove it to me, heck, prove it to all these folk!" he waved a hoof across the building crowd of onlookers, some of which were glaring at Caramel apprehensively. "If yer finished spreadin' yer lies, then how's about ya show everypony what ya really are!"

Caramel opened his mouth to speak, but promptly closed it. It was obvious that he wouldn't win Big Mac over with words. Then again, there wasn't exactly much of an alternative. He glanced at the onlookers surrounding him and Big Macintosh. There were dozens of them. If he was to drop his disguise here, they'd fall upon him in what would likely be the dog pile of the century. At the moment the crowd was none the wiser to what he was, and he'd have to play his cards carefully to keep it that way.

"I shown Applejack, didn't I?" said Caramel forcefully. "Isn't that proof enough?"

"Not fer me." growled Big Mac.

"Then about all those hours I spent working overtime on the farm, slaving over the crops and gathering the harvests, does that sound like something a dishonest pony would do to you?" he softened his tone a little. "Come on Big Mac, you know me. I was your friend, I still am your friend. Nothing has changed about me, I'm still the same guy who's been working at your side for the last year, you know I'd never do any harm to Applejack on purpose."

"Then prove it to me, an' show me the real you!"

"You know I can't do that, Big Mac, not here..."

He grunted. "Then you ain't provin' squat. Get outta here, animal."

"Dammit Big Mac, just listen to-"

"AH SAID LEAVE!" boomed Big Macintosh. His thunderous voice swept across the marketplace and shocked it into a deathly silence. Caramel's heart sank as he realised that Big Mac's outburst had attracted the attention of virtually everypony. Everywhere he looked, curious eyes and frowning faces were glaring back at him. He couldn't help but cower under the weight of their gazes. Caramel hated being the centre of attention, much like many other changelings. Changelings were covert and stealthy by nature, so sticking out like a sore thumb was generally a bad experience for any self respecting shape shifter.

"Can't we just talk about this?" pleaded Caramel.

"There ain't nothin' to talk about."

Caramel nodded grimly. It was obvious that he'd get no forgiveness from Big Mac, nor apples, either. He melted back into the crowd wordlessly, unable to shake the feeling that he'd been betrayed. Ironic, seeing as the only traitor here was him.

The market returned to normalcy as Caramel slunk his was back to Sugarcube Corner.

He pushed open the door to Sugarcube Corner and took a seat at one of the nearby tables. Pinkie Pie was behind the counter, serving a customer a freshly baked batch of cupcakes. She smiled at him warmly and signalled that she'd be over in a moment.

'"Get outta here, animal"' was that all that Big Mac thought he was? An animal? He knew Big Mac hated lying, as did the rest of the Apple family, but an animal? Last night Caramel would have been inclined to agree with him, but now it only seemed offensive. He was trying to make up for what he did wrong, wasn't he? If Big Macintosh could just get it through his thick skull that he'd changed...

It was pointless thinking of it at the moment. He knew Big Mac fairly well, which meant that he knew that any further attempt to change the stubborn stallion would be fruitless. That pony was as bull-headed as he was big. Hopefully he'd come around after Caramel convinced Applejack to forgive him.
If he convinced Applejack to forgive him.

"Hey Carrie!" said Pinkie Pie, pulling up a chair to sit next to him. "How'd the shopping go?"

"Not so great," he mumbled. "You wouldn't have any spare apples lying around, would you?"

"Of course not, why else do you think I asked you to buy some, silly?" She tilted her head to the side quizzically. "Why d'ya ask?"

"Because Big Mac wasn't exactly forthcoming with his."

Pinkie made a small gasp in realisation, and then giggled heartily. "Oh right, sorry. I forgot that the Apple Family were the only ones in Ponyville who sold apples, my bad!"

Caramel glared at her in disbelief. He had come inches away from being mobbed, and she thought it was funny? He bit his tongue before he could begin mercilessly insulting her. Of course she found it funny. This was Pinkie Pie. She found everything funny. It was one of the reasons why he never tried to get to know her better. Everything was just a big joke to her!

"Laugh it up, Pinkie." he grunted, plopping his face into his forelegs.

Pinkie Pie's giggling stopped almost immediately. "What's wrong?" she asked.

"What's wrong is that my marefriend's brother thinks that I'm a monster!" he growled. Pinkie Pie recoiled slightly, but stayed sat firmly in her seat. She was only just recognising the overwhelming glumness that radiated from the changeling.

"You mean Big Mac?" she asked disbelievingly. That was ludicrous, even by her standards. Big Mac couldn't hate somepony, he was the most forgiving pony in all of Ponyville! A pony as laid back as Big Mac was beyond holding grudges!
"Carrie, that's ridiculous! I don't even think the word hate is in Big Macintosh's dictionary!"

"Oh it's in there, alright!" he groaned belligerently. "I mean, you should have seen him! For a second I thought that he might actually kill me!"

Pinkie looked doubtful. She'd never known Big Macintosh to even hurt anypony, little own kill them. Perhaps Caramel was exaggerating. "How about you tell me what happened?" she suggested carefully.

Caramel explained in detail of Big Mac's outburst to a dubious Pinkie Pie. She frowned in dissatisfaction after he'd finished. Big Macintosh really said all those mean things? Wow, that guy had a dark side.

This was a problem. Without apples, they had no way of making the 'I'm-Super-Duper-Sorry-Pie' to Applejack's liking. They'd have to make do with what she had lying about the fridge, and it had been far too long since she'd restocked her supplies. Maybe she and Caramel could make a pie with no filling? She would call it 'pie flavour'. No, she'd tried that before, and the results had been disastrous. Tasty, but disastrous. It took her months on end to clean up that mess.

"Hold on a second." she told Caramel, and sped over to the kitchen to check the contents of the refrigerator. Literally anything could be used as filling for a pie, you just had to use your imagination, which luckily Pinkie Pie had plenty of. She immediately began top pluck various pie fillings-to-be out of the refrigerator. Bananas? Too dry. Peaches? Too sweet. Whipped cream? Too boring. Coconuts? Could you even fit a coconut into a pie? Meh, she'd find a way.

Pinkie huffed at the large heap of food that she had piled up onto a nearby table. There was just no way to choose!

Caramel poked his head through the door, and his eyes widened at the sight of the mountain of ingredients that Pinkie Pie had amassed. How did she fit all of that into her fridge? "Uh, Pinkie?" he asked cautiously. "You don't intend to heap all of that into a pie, do you?"

The instant Caramel uttered those words, he regretted it.

Pinkie addressed Caramel with a smile so big that it almost seemed unnatural to him. "Carrie, you're a genius!" she squealed delightedly before diving towards him to envelop him in a bone-crunching hug.

Her forelegs clamped around him in a murderously tight embrace. Caramel's disguise disintegrated in a flash of green fire as Pinkie's bear-hug nearly crushed the life out of him. "P-personal space!" he managed to rasp through his squashed lungs.

"Oops, sorry!" said Pinkie Pie as she released him. He collapsed onto the ground in a gasping mess. Pinkie Pie slunk towards him timidly, an embarrassed blush on her cheeks. "I guess you could say that's a bad habit of mine."
Caramel led his head back and sighed tiredly. This was going to be a long day.
"By the way, you're all squishy around your belly." added Pinkie as Caramel began to stumble back onto his hooves. She poked him lightly in the gut to prove her point, and snorted with delight.
"Heh, neat."

As strange as it may sound, Caramel had actually read the odd cookbook or two for entertainment purposes. Equestrian cuisine, although disgusting, fascinated him to no end. The amount of sugar they poured into their pastries was nothing short of ludicrous, and their aversion to more savoury forms of food baffled him. Why would you waste your time on all that sugary sweetness when you could be enjoying something far more fine? Most of the ponies he'd met would cringe at the thought of any snack that wouldn't give them diabetes. It was all so peculiar and foreign to him that it was impossible for him not to find an interest in the subject.
Most of what he'd read he had forgotten, apart from a few very simple basics. Equestrian food was made from a set list of ingredients (which almost always included sugar), usually needed to be heated in an oven and above all required organisation and accuracy in order to be produced properly.

Caramel was severely lacking in the latter.

The floor was slick with the juices of various fruits, and the walls were stained with flour. He'd made a genuine mess of cutting the fruits into slices. Pinkie Pie had told him to cut the slices fine, or else he would never be able to fit a bit of everything in there, like she had suggested. 'It's simple,' she said. 'So simple that even the silliest pony in all the world could do it!'
So far he had to use the fire extinguisher two times. Simple his shapeshifting flank!

"How're ya doin' with the cutting, Carrie?" asked Pinkie Pie from across the kitchen. She was busy flattening out what would be the base of the pie.

Caramel frowned at the mangled mess of massacred fruit that lay before him. The knife was still embedded in what he thought was a pineapple, although he wasn't really all that sure anymore. "Uh, great." he replied half-heartedly.

Suddenly, Pinkie Pie was staring over his shoulder. Wasn't she on the other side of the kitchen a second ago?

"That doesn't look all that great to me." she said consolingly "You know what? How about I handle the cutting and you work on making the base, mmkay?"

"Oh, okay."

Five minutes later, Sugarcube Corner was ablaze.

Applejack lay spread out in front of the fireplace, a solemn look set upon her face. The sun had dimmed outside, and night was gradually beginning to set in. Applebloom had already gone to sleep, and Big Mac was quietly napping in his bedroom. Grandma Smith sat in her recliner with a half-knitted scarf between her hooves. apart from the slight clack of her knitting needles and the crackling of the fire, the house was silent.

Something was missing.

There was a queer emptiness to the moment. She tried to ignore it, but it simply wouldn't go away. It hung over her, taunting.

Caramel had loved the fire.

Ponies nowadays had a way of lusting for the most outlandish things, be it food, pricy belongings, costly experiences... Caramel had been different. Sure, his taste in literature had been rather obscure, and his choices in music a little eccentric from time to time, but he'd always treasured the simple things above all else. A sunny day, a clean glass of water, the fresh smell of dirt...
Had she been one of those simple pleasures? A convenient pool of love for him to drink from? She could vividly remember all of those cute little quips and compliments he'd thrown her way. Had it all been for nought but food? Could every smile, kiss, or gentle uttering of 'I love you' have been nothing more than a simple baiting?

*Knock knock knock*

Had he even seen her as a pony? Could she have been nothing more than a fat wineskin for him to drink from whenever he got thirsty?

*Knock knock knock knock knock*

It was a frightening thought, and a painful one atop of that. She had always thought herself infallible to lies and deceit, but this... She never believed that somepony so embedded in her trust could betray her so horribly.

*Knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock!*

"Y'all gunna get that?" said Grandma Smith, not taking her attention away from her knitting. Applejack suddenly realised the knocking at the door. She shuffled to her hooves and made towards it.

She opened the door-

"Hey honey!"

-and then slammed it shut.

...

*Knock knock knock knock knock*

"Go away!" she spat angrily. She peeked through a nearby window at the black figure which stood at the porch. 'That traitorous varmint!' she thought to herself. 'He has the moxy to turn up at my door after what he did? Without his disguise? The nerve! In fact, what was he even doing around here? Hadn't Twilight sent him off to the Princess?

"Oh come on," pleaded Caramel. "Can't we just talk about this?"

"Ah said go away! You ain't welcome here no more, ya hear?"

"Pleeease? I got you a present..."

"Ah don't want anything from you, now git outta here!"

Caramel frowned. "Applejack-"

"'Don't y'all use mah name!" she bellowed. "Y'all don't deserve ta use mah name!"

"... Okay then..." He was silent for almost a minute, and Applejack had begun to think he had left, until, "Could the beautiful mare with the cowboy hat please open the door so I could speak to her?"

Damn, she walked right into that one. Of all the things that had changed about him, it had to be his corny charm that stayed the same. 'Well, he does sound sincere.'

'Sincere? You are aware that this is the same guy who's been lying to us for a year straight, right?'

"Just give me sixty seconds at least, please?"

Applejack screamed at herself to just walk away, go back to the living room and lay back down by the fire, but her hoof was already turning the doorknob. The door creaked open a few inches, just enough for her to poke her head through.

She shivered at the sight of him. He looked so... Weird. No bouncy brown mane, no soft, inviting coat, no refined, charming eyes. Just a shell of black chitin and pale, almost listless eyes of icy blue. It seemed impossible that this... Thing had once been the stallion she'd loved.

"Yer sixty seconds starts now." she growled.

He cracked a lopsided, goofy smile, and for just a second she saw her coltfriend instead of the freakish, insectoid monster that stood before her.

"Look, I know I've done a lot of wrong to you, and I mean a lot. I've lied to you on way more than one occasion, but I never lied about loving you."

Applejack gave a dispassionate 'hmph'. "Likely story."

"Look, I know you don't really have much reason to believe me, but I swear I'll make it up to you, I promise!"

"For what that's worth..." she muttered cruelly.

Caramel winced. "Okay, I deserved that one. But please, all I'm asking for is one more chance. I can fix this if you just let me."

She didn't know what to say. Of course he could be lying, in fact that was more than likely. But he sounded so... innocent.
'You fell for that once before, remember?'

'Yeah, but still...'

"I-I even baked you a pie!" he added awkwardly. Caramel reached into his saddlebags and produced a mangled slab of charred pastry. It reeked of ash, but looked almost edible, which was an achievement by Caramel's standards.

'He always was a terrible cook.' remembered Applejack fondly. Just another one of his weird little quirks...'

She discarded the memory with ferocity. Those little quirks and oddities she had fell for had been nought but lies, fabricated by this thing to syphon her love as if it were some kind of commodity.
Then why was he so damned convincing?

"I know it's not exactly gourmet, I mean chances are it tastes disgusting," continued Caramel. "But I thought maybe you and I could try it... Together?"

'Well... it couldn't hurt to hear him out, could it?'

Applejack gradually opened the door to its full breadth. "First, I want yer word, yer promise, that you'll be truthful. No more lies, an' no more secrecy, ya understand?"

Caramel nodded gleefully "Promise!"

"Well then, I suppose it couldn't hurt to take a gander at your side of the story." said Applejack, her voice still tinted in uncertainty.

The changeling gave an audacious whoop before suddenly embracing Applejack in a hug. "ThankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouTHANKYOU!"

"whoa there!" hollered Applejack, forcibly pushing Caramel away. "Simmer down, I said I'd hear you out, remember? I didn't say anything about forgivin' y'all!"

I- I'm sorry," gasped Caramel. "I'm just so relieved! I thought you'd never want to see me again after you heard I was a spy!"

"... 'Scuse me?"

Caramel's cheerful demeanour dissolved immediately "You mean you didn't know?".

"Yer a spy?" said Applejack in barely a whisper.

"No! Well, kinda- I mean, uh, 'spy' is a very strong word and-"

*SLAM*

The door slammed shut, connecting solidly with Caramel's face. The force of the blow threw him from the porch, flank first into the dirt.
For the second time that week, his left fang came loose.

"So, said Pinkie Pie morosely. "My pie idea didn't work?"

"Nuh-uh" grunted Caramel through the wet cloth he had held against the empty socket in his mouth where his fang had once been. The two sat alone in the kitchen of Sugarcube Corner. The walls were charred black in places, and the unpleasant smell of burning lingered in the air. Lucky for Caramel, the fire damage he'd caused whilst baking his pie was mainly aesthetic, so the repairs to the kitchen wouldn't cost him too dearly. He was in his changeling form, but it was already seven PM, so Sugarcube Corner was closed for the day. The blinds were closed so that nopony could peek in.

Pinkie huffed "I just don't get it, pie is supposed to fix EVERYTHING!"

Caramel sighed. To be fair to Pinkie, the pie had worked, he'd just messed it up by mentioning that he was a spy. It hurt to know he had been so close to forgiveness, only to have it snatched away by one of his stupid blunders.

"Ah well, I wouldn't worry about it too much," continued Pinkie Pie. "Tomorrow it's Rarity's turn to help you out, and she's, like, the most romantic pony ever!"

He smiled despite himself. Pinkie Pie's confidence was infectious. If nothing else, he'd made a new friend today. Sure, Pinkie was annoying from time to time, but after spending the day with her, he'd gotten to know the pony beneath all that madness. Randomness and insanity aside, she was just an exceptionally kind mare with an inkling for good jokes and making you smile.

"Anyways," said Pinkie. "If Applejack doesn't want that pie, would you mind if..." she trailed off, staring at Caramel hopefully. He rolled his eyes, and pulled the charred pie from his saddlebags.

"Dig in, Pinkie."

She gave a small 'yippee' before snatching up the smouldering confection and ramming it whole into her mouth. Caramel stared in disbelief. He didn't know whether to be impressed or disgusted.

"Mmmmm, tastes like burning!"

Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I learned that love isn't something that can be bought with pies. Especially burnt ones.

Your faithful prisoner
Caramel.

Chrysalis sat delicately upon her throne. The morning light flooded through the windows behind her, highlighting the thin motes of dust which hung in the air. The throne room, along with the rest of the palace, was severely understaffed. Following the loss at Canterlot, she had had to treble the amount of changelings in the Love Gathering Brigade in order to stave off starvation. It was only half-working, but Chrysalis had known from the beginning that it would only be a momentary boon. The populace was growing ever more hungry, and if she couldn't provide for them, they'd tear her from her throne and elect a new leader. She smirked despite the grimness of it all. That was how she'd won her crown in the first place, and it would be painfully ironic to see it happen all over again.

But she wasn't going to let that happen.

Her changelings were growing restless, and their hate towards the Equestrians was brewing nicely. In the right hooves, propaganda was powerful weapon. The failure at Canterlot had only served to kindle the fire. Authors were writing and bards were singing about her army's valiant and bold siege of the Equestrian Capitol, only to be thwarted by Princess Cadence and Prince Shining Armour and their black, unholy magic. Engravings had been etched artfully into the palace walls depicting the chivalrous changeling warriors as they flooded into the city. Runeforgers had crafted runes of blessing for the soldiers who had fought in the battle, and prayed for the gods to exact their swift and terrible vengeance upon the Equestrian hordes.

As her changelings' hunger increased, so did their lust for vengeance. The host that had accompanied her to Canterlot was but a mere fraction of her military might, and now, thanks to their recent failure, changelings were flocking in from the molten edges of the Black Shores, the dry, lifeless lands of the Dead Plains and even the peaks of the High Mountains themselves... All of them eager to wet their fangs with Equestrian blood. Celestia and her ponies were hilariously outnumbered, and all they had was a paltry legion or so of soldiers and some hogwash on harmony to defend themselves. It was almost sad.

The wide double-doors of the throne room suddenly burst open with an echoing crack, and a female changeling clothed in the fair armour of the royal guard rushed to her acquaintance and threw herself into a bow. "Your highness," she said between pants. "I bring dire news!"

Chrysalis shifted on her throne. Her changelings wouldn't dare to simply barge into her throne room unless they had something important to say. "Out with it child!" said Chrysalis, leaning towards the royal guard and creasing her brow attentively.

"One of our spies has betrayed us, your majesty, he allies himself with the Equestrians!"

The Queen gritted her teeth and scrunched her nose in anger. Traitors. This was a problem. If this spy had any crucial information on her plans then they could give the Equestrians time to prepare themselves for battle! By the gods that would complicate things...

"I have many spies, loyal subject, give me a name."

When she told her, Chrysalis filled the throne room with a terrible wail of rage.

"Him?" she snapped, her face contorted into an ugly snarl. "Him?" she remembered 'him' all to well. A changeling from the High Mountains, a handsome boy, if not a little thin in the forelegs. He'd shown exceptional skill in his espionage training, and proven himself loyal to the changeling cause through exemplary performance out on the field. She'd assigned him to the six most important ponies in the whole of Equestria, and he had provided her with every last detail on each of them. Judging by his background he'd be willing to do anything to provide love for the empire. What possible reason could he have for betraying her?
"I train him, housed him, and this is how he repays me?" she hissed. The guard cowered as her Queen raged. She almost leapt out of her chitin when Chrysalis addressed her.
"Guard!"

"Y-yes your majesty?"

"Alert Ser Kaathe and Ser Frauk, I wish for their presence immediately!"

The guard retreated from Chrysalis' presence and darted through the doors in a trot. It was not long before they opened again, and two bulky, stern faced changelings entered the throne room.

Ser Frauk was a mountain in stature. By the age of ten he had towered over changelings twice his age, and he had only grown larger as he got older. Masses of muscle and sinew chorded around his body. His yellowing fangs were sharpened to the likeness of daggers and had a multitude of runes and engravings etched into their surfaces. Runes had also been engraved across the rest of his body, dotting his chitin, twisting around his legs and even, to Chrysalis' slight revulsion, across the surface of his eyes. Each one was a testament to his devotion to the gods, his devotion to the empire, and his devotion to her. She found it rather flattering in a way. Off-putting, perhaps, but flattering nonetheless.

Ser Kaathe's markings were far less extensive. A prayer rune was inscribed upon his left foreleg and an engraving, so small that it was almost illegible, banded around the base of his horn. The latter was meant to be a mark of matrimony, although as far as Chrysalis knew Ser Kaathe had no mate, which was no surprise, considering the hideous scar that stained his otherwise handsome face. Three long, deep gouges striped across the right side of his face, splitting his cheek open. The sight of Ser Kaathe's white teeth gleaming through the gashes in his cheek gave her the overwhelming urge to wretch. The origin of his horrible scar was, like his mark of matrimony, a mystery.

Then again, such mystery was to be expected from an assassin.

"I trust you know why you're here." she said plainly. It wasn't a question. There was only ever one reason why she summoned them.

Murder.

Author's Note

Behold, I have returned from the grave!

The Magic of Music Part 1

Caramel awoke with a fluster, panting wildly like a feral beast. Outside the rain lashed against his window in sheets. Today had been scheduled as a rainy day by the weather team. He'd been dreaming about his family, something that hadn't been unusual for him as of late. He lay back into his pillow, one hoof going for his chewing gum and the other already grasping his beloved Mister Jingles.

It had been almost two years since he had left home; A small village nestled within the High Mountains. He'd lived with his parents and younger brother. Life hadn't exactly been easy, but it had been good, simple. He had worked for the local Runeforger, an old changeling by the name of Vos. A strict fellow, but kind at heart.

He sighed, clasping Mr Jingles closer to his chest. The teddy bear was a scraggy old thing, really. The velveteen fur had become worn with age, and one of the eyes had been replaced with a black button. Still, it reminded him of his family, of gathering before the village bonfire for prayer, and downing shots of tak'vat with his friends during the celebration of the eclipse. It reminded him of home.

Leaving his life behind to join The Hive had been difficult for him, to say the least. Not having any parents to argue with or a brother to bicker with did a lot to make a changeling feel lonely. However, if joining The Hive had been difficult, then infiltrating Equestria had been nothing short of tartarus. Being lonely was one thing, but to be the only one of your species in the entirety of Ponyville? That was downright alienating. He had studied Equestrian culture for months on end, and had blended in well enough, but that didn't stop him from feeling out of place. The way everypony interacted with each other, the songs they sang and the books they wrote... It all seemed so different to him, even after all this time.

Another sigh, this one heavier than the last. Perhaps he was just being too pessimistic. Sure, he missed his home every now and then, but that didn't make a Ponyville a worse place to live by any means. On the contrary, in many ways it was superior to the High Mountains. The climate was warmer, the nature was lusher and there was an abundance of love to feed on. What's more, there was Applejack. Emphasis on the was.

He checked his alarm clock. Seven AM. Still a little bit early for his liking, but he was a light sleeper anyways. He rolled out of bed and made his way to the bathroom, immediately heading over to the sink and the mirror that hung above it. Twilight had done him the favour of replacing his broken fang with her magic, and to her credit she had done a fairly decent job. It left an aftertaste of magic in his mouth (which tasted like something between a cherry twizzler and a ground-up firecracker), but at least he wasn't running about with one less fang anymore. He drew his forked tongue across the replaced enamel before hopping into the shower.

Washing himself had always been a chore, as it was for most changelings. The holes in his legs made for some notoriously hard to reach places, and the membrane of his wings was extremely delicate and required great care and steady hooves to clean. It wasn't unusual for changelings to bathe together. One would clean the other's wings, and vice versa. Sadly, there were no other changelings in Ponyville, meaning he was stuck trying to wash one of the most sensitive parts of his body which also happened to be in one of the most awkward places ever (seriously, you try cleaning an incredibly delicate membrane located directly between your shoulder blades. It isn't easy).
Still, it begged the question why pegasi never chose bathing partners; those wings of theirs were in a similar position to a changeling's after all. He'd actually researched Equestrian bathing methods, and the only instances of bathing together turned out to be rather... suggestive.

Ponies were weird.

The doorbell rang as he stepped out of the shower. He cloaked himself in his disguise, wrapped a towel around himself and rushed to the door, still dripping wet. "Hello?" he called, reaching for the doorknob.

"Caramel? Would you be a darling and open the door, it is terribly rude to leave a lady standing out here in the rain."

He didn't even have to ask for her name. There was only one pony he knew who bore such a well-honed Canterlot accent.

"Miss Rarity?" he asked, swinging the door open. Rarity stood before him, dressed in what was perhaps the flashiest raincoat in the world and bright pink wellingtons. She had an umbrella gripped with her magic and was holding it above her head in her bright blue aura. A gust of wind howled through the doorway, and Rarity's teeth chattered. Jeez, how long had she been out in the rain for? She looked practically frozen!

Caramel stepped aside, allowing Rarity into his house. She stripped herself of her raincoat and wellingtons. He swore he heard a small sigh of relief when he closed the door behind her. Something told him that Rarity wasn't a big fan of wind and rain.

Rarity managed a prim and proper bow despite her shivering, which he returned, albeit a little more clumsily than her. He knew of Rarity's inkling for etiquette, and knew that nothing pleased her more than a pony with manners (apart from an Iron Mare solo, that was).

"So I suppose you're here to help me out with my little problem?" he asked idly as Rarity hung her coat upon his coat hanger. She snapped her umbrella shut and leant it against a wall before answering.

"Right you are," she said, retreating back to his small living room and seating herself upon a sofa. She eyed his fireplace longingly. "Say, could you be a dear and light the fire, Oh, and if you could, a cup of tea would go down wonderfully!"

Caramel smiled to himself. Changelings could never stand the rain either. It would prevent their wings from working properly and muffle their powers to sense emotion. He cast a small pyromancy spell, and the hearth flickered to life, its loaming light creeping into the room. He took a seat next to Rarity after turning the kettle on, and allowed the heat of the fire to sink into his bones. Next to him, Rarity sighed blissfully.

"So, how did your time with Pinkie Pie go, hmm?" she ventured conversationally.

"I almost burned down Sugarcube Corner, told Applejack I was a spy and took a door to the face. Oh, and Big Macintosh hates my guts now."

"... Ah," she eyed him incredulously. "You almost burned down Sugarcube corner, you say?"

"With a pie."

"And how exactly did you-"

"Please," he said desperately. "Don't ask."

Rarity shook her head, dismissing the subject. "Okay... Well, you needn't worry about failure this time around," she proclaimed. "I happen to be a master of romance!"

The kettle flicked itself off, indicating that the water was boiled. "Is that so?" he asked as he head towards the kettle. It was blaringly obvious to anypony with eyes that Rarity was nothing less than an expert in the subject of fashion, but romance? He couldn't say he was all that surprised. With a face like hers, stallions would be clamouring over each other for a chance to woo the white unicorn.

"But of course, a true lady knows all of the ways into someponys heart!"

"Oh yeah?" he put a cup of tea on the small table between them. "And what would the way into Applejack's be?" he asked, genuinely curious. He knew Applejack better than anypony, but Equestrian romance was just so different from what he was used to. Of course he knew what she loved (her friends, her family, and apple fritters. Lots and lots of apple fritters), but for one of those loves to be some kind of key to her heart? That was just crazy.

"Through music, of course!"

And that was even crazier.

Music? Well, he knew from experience that Applejack loved a bit of country rock here and there (she also had a secret passion for rap, although she'd promised to gut him alive if he ever told anypony), but 'the way into her heart'? Seriously?

Rarity must have noticed the disbelief on his face, because she addressed him with a serious frown. "Doubt my methods, do we?"

"No, no, it's not that!" he stammered quickly. From what he'd heard from Applejack, Rarity had quite the temper on her, one that he should desperately try to avoid. "It's just that, well, it's very different from what I'm used to, is all."

"Oh?" Rarity's frown dissipated, and the veil of anger that had coated her voice disappeared. Now instead she sounded rather... curious? she shuffled closer to him and perked her ears up attentively. "And what are you used to, if you don't mind me asking?"

Caramel sat back, mulling over the question in silence. "Changelings aren't a very trusting race," he began, twiddling his hooves uncomfortably. "Our history isn't a pretty one, and it's shaped us into a very secretive folk. Because of this, changelings won't enter a relationship until they're sure they can trust their loved one. Trust, you see, is the foundation of love itself. Everything is built upon it, from friendships to marriages. Without trust, everything would fall apart." he paused to sample his tea. It was one of the few Equestrian beverages that he could actually enjoy- that was, unless it was bleached with sugar, in which case it was as vile as the rest of their drinks.

"So how does one earn another changeling's trust?" asked Rarity. To Caramel's delight she actually seemed genuinely interested.

"There's a lot of ways. You can pledge yourself to your loved one; swear by the gods to remain faithful to them, that kind of thing. Changelings don't support divorces, you see, so we have to make sure that we're trustworthy to our mates."

"That sounds like... An awful lot of commitment," mused Rarity. "I suppose you have marriages?"

Caramel shrugged. "We call them bindings, but it's more or less the same thing. The two changelings have rings engraved around the base of their horns as a sign of matrimony," he tapped the bottom of his horn. "Right here."

Rarity scrunched her face in disgust, obviously disturbed that somepony would mutilate themselves in such a way. "Y-you mean, you cut yourselves?" she shivered at the thought. The majority of Equestrians would faint at the mere sight of blood, so Caramel couldn't say he was surprised when Rarity began to turn slightly green in the face.

"How about we change the subject?" he asked quickly. "Like 'how are we going to convince Applejack to love me again'?"

Thankfully, Rarity shook off her queasiness at the mention of 'love'. "Caramel, I'm happy to announce that you'll be going to the Canterlot Victory Ball!"

...

"The what now?"

Rarity proudly produced a pamphlet and offered it to Caramel. He took it from her hooves and began to read aloud.
"'Come one, come all, to the Canterlot Victory Ball! The music is fair and the drinks are a-plenty, alcoholic beverages for all above twenty. Come and have a dance, come and have some fun, for it was on this day that we... Felled the changeling scum?'"

His face dropped as he read the last line. "Uh, Rarity I-"

"Oh it'll be fantastic! I can see it now, the glitz, the glamour-"

"Miss Rar-"

"Oh and the music! I can see it now, you and Applejack swaying in each other's arms under magnificent moonlight," Rarity made a little *squee* of delight. "Oh it'll be like something straight out of a fairy-tale!"

'Complete with some knight lopping off a changeling's head.' he thought to himself.

"Miss Rarity, would you please listen?" thankfully the urgency in his voice was enough to stop her rambling and grab her attention. "Look... This is nice and all but I, uh, think it might be a bit out of my price range." he mentally high fived himself for coming up with a plausible excuse on such short notice.

"Don't you worry about that," said Rarity with a coy smile. "The Elements of Harmony are considered guests of honour, and each of us are allowed to take a plus one!" she scooched closer to Caramel "Just think about it, Canterlot is perhaps one of the most romantic places in all of Equestria. Can you think of any better place to charm your beloved?"
'Crap crap crap! Quick, think of something else, quick!'

"B-but I can't dance!" he exclaimed.

She shrugged it off. "It's hardly rocket science, dear, I'm sure you'll do fine." It was becoming increasingly obvious that Rarity had her mind set on this, much to Caramel's dismay. "Believe me, there's no better way to win a mare's heart than through a good slow-dance, this is simply perfect!"

No it wasn't. This was a bad idea. A terrible idea. A freakin' suicidal idea. Did Rarity really expect him to just waltz into the middle of Canterlot? For Chrysalis' sake he was a changeling! The fact that the party was situated in Equestria's biggest city was enough to dissuade him, let alone the matter of said party being dedicated to hating him. Rarity had to be joking, she simply had to!
One look at her face told him she wasn't.

"Rarity, I really don't want to do this."

"Come now, darling," she cooed. "It'll be fun!"

'If by 'fun' you mean 'absolutely bloody disastrous', then yes, it'll be barrels of fun!' Caramel had never doubted his abilities as a spy before, but now, his confidence was weaning. He'd been trained to infiltrate even the most heavily guarded of fortresses without ever leaving a trace, but that was before ponies were aware that changelings were a threat. Ever since the Canterlot wedding, the Royal Guard had taken precautions against his kind. The number of guards on duty had been doubled, citizens were asked to look out for any abnormal activity and to top it all off, any captured changeling would be facing some very serious charges (One of which included tickling via feather, a punishment reserved for only the most heinous of crimes).

Caramel gave a firm shake his head. "This won't work, Miss Rarity. I mean, Applejack doesn't want to be anywhere near me, let alone dance with me! Not to mention that she was seriously upset about the whole me being a spy thing." He snorted humourlessly. "Chances are she hates me as much as her brother does right about now."

Rarity raised an eyebrow. "Aren't we being a little overdramatic?"

He had to laugh. Coming from her, you could be certain that meant something. "Maybe so, but you can be sure as the sun that she won't want me there, Miss Rarity."

"Now, now," soothed Rarity "Applejack doesn't hate you, in fact Applejack doesn't hate anyone! It simply isn't in her nature. She just..." Rarity paused for a moment, searching for the right words. "Severely dislikes you."

Now it was Caramel's turn to raise a brow. "And that's a good thing?"

"But of course! Have you ever read a romance novel? All good relationships need a bit of anger here and there, keeps things spicy, you see."

Caramel snorted. "If this is what having a 'spicy' relationship feels like, I think I'd prefer mine mild."

Rarity giggled. "She's a farmer slash national hero and you're a changeling spy from over the hills and far away, I'm afraid a 'mild' relationship is out of the question."

He sighed. Although he hated to admit it, she was right. There was no going back to the way things were, not now. When Applejack lobbed him out of that window, any chance of normality went with him. Even if he somehow did earn her love again, it simply wouldn't be the same. She had fell for a pony from Baltimare with a pair of dead parents and a sister who lived abroad. He wasn't that pony. He was some old Runeforger's apprentice from a backwards village in the mountains turned trained spy. He was the guy who'd been keeping tabs on his marefriend's life for the past year.

"So... Tell me about this ball."

"Oh, it'll be simply wonderful!" exclaimed Rarity. "The highest of Equestria's nobility are gathering there, and from what I've heard the fireworks display is to die for!"

"Fireworks and nobility, huh? No offense Miss Rarity, but that doesn't exactly sound like Applejack's cup of tea."

"That's ludicrous," said Rarity. "Fireworks are everypony's cup of tea. Besides, it's not like Applejack has much choice in the matter. Princess Celestia has personally requested that all six elements be present. Like I said, we're guests of honour." she put emphasis on the word 'honour'.

Caramel rolled his eyes. "None of that changes the fact that Applejack won't want to be anywhere near me."

Rarity gave a determined smile. "Darling, leave that to me. I can be very convincing when I want to." she got up from the sofa and stretched. "So that's my plan, and dare I say it, it's a rather good one. The only question is whether or not you're willing to go through with it."

Caramel sighed. This was his choice? Either spend the rest of his days lonely or effectively throw himself into a meat grinder?

"I... Fine." he huffed. "I'll go to the ball. Just don't let any of those guards near me."

Rarity squealed joyfully, hopping from hoof to hoof. "I knew you would, I simply knew it! Oh it'll be incredible, trust me, dear, you won't regret this!"

Part of him already was.

Ser Kaathe could taste blood on his tongue.

It wasn't unusual. The three gashes which strode across his cheek would seep regularly, so he had gotten used to the metallic tinge of blood. The pain was constant, like a layer of embers buried just beneath the skin, refusing to go out no matter how much he willed them to. He'd gotten used to that as well.
He had not gotten used to the looks his scar would earn him.

He could see it in the faces of passers-by. Most were careful with their eyes, sparing his wound a quick glance when they thought he wasn't looking, only to shy away when he turned towards them. The claw marks were an ugly sight to behold, and had ruined whatever handsomeness he once had. That didn't matter to Kaathe. Romance did little to interest him anymore, so the loss of his looks bothered him little. However, the scars went deeper than that. They were a mark, a sign of his failure as an assassin, something that meant more to him than something as petty as appearances ever could.
And it was there for the entire world to see.

Kaathe dismissed the scars. He'd been young then, a novice in the arts of assassination. When the time had come for him to act, he faltered, and paid the price. He promised himself that he would not falter again.

Frauk stood beside him, silent and stoic as usual. The palace and its surrounding cityscape bristled behind them. They had left earlier on today, and were currently standing within a field of deathly pale grass. Mountains lurched up against the horizon, and the sky was clustered with stars. The moonlight caught the grass in a way that it almost seemed to glow.

Before them a small fire loamed, crackling and snapping. It wrought an orange light around the two assassins, licking at them with its heat.

Kaathe unsheathed his knife.

He wore the blade in a sheath on the inside of his leg, and took great measures to make it as unnoticeable as possible. The blade itself was wrought from obsidian mined from the Black Shores, and had brought more than a few lives to an early end. He rested the tip against the inside of his foreleg and gracefully slipped it across his flesh. The knife bit into him effortlessly, allowing a small river of green to flow from the underside of his leg. Apart from a small wince, his face remained blank throughout.

Frauk looked on intently. The rituals his fellow assassin would perform fascinated him to no end. Kaathe hailed from the Dead Plains, a hot and dry land where changelings sought refuge underground in twisting catacombs to escape the blisteringly intense heat. The sands of the Dead Plains were as black as the night, and the magic the inhabitants practiced darker still.

Kaathe extended his leg, hanging it above the dancing flames. Small beads of blood began to drip from the wound and sizzle as they touched the fire. Kaathe began to whisper under his breathe. Frauk had learned several languages, from Griffon Diamond Dog, and none of them matched the queer, hissing dialogue his partner was using now.

"Sva vit dara Uoros, sva vit dara Yuvoi, sva vit dara skratas. San vit ta-dora... San vit ta-dora,"

With a sound akin to a scream, the orange fire curdled into a sickly green, bathing the two of them in its otherworldly light. Frauk shivered despite himself. He'd seen his friend perform this ritual a thousand times before, but that never seemed to make it any less unsettling.

"Kor yorvan savakai, vit varok sertaia,"

Shadows began to flutter in the green light the fire had cast. They moved and twisted unlike anything Frauk had seen before. Some took the form of equines, whereas others shaped themselves into strange, unnatural figures. The way they writhed across the ground became mesmerising. Frauk realised that they were moving- no, dancing to the sound of Kaathe's voice.

"Sorvak varitia! Vit orochai dak tara!"

The figures danced faster, and the flames crackled evilly. Another chilling scream escaped the fire, and the air grew suddenly colder. Frost began to form on the white grass, and Frauk's breathe misted in front of him. There were no longer any stars in the sky, only the moon glowering down at them like some colossal white eye. Howls echoed through the air, too mutilated and horrible to be of this world.

"Sva vit Kor! Sva vit Kor! Sva vit Kor!"

Something within the fire began to take shape. The sickly sweet smell of death clotted Frauk's nostrils, so strong that it made him want to gag. The terrible scream cut through the air again, so loud that it left Frauk's ears ringing. Beneath the screaming he could hear a low, resounding chant sang by some non-existent choir. The words were sharp and squealing. The shape within the flames grew clearer, a muzzle stretching and ears sprouting from what had suddenly become a clearly defined head. It shimmered as the fire licked at it, like the surface of water to one's touch. Frauk's breath caught as a pair of eyes flared to life upon that ghastly face.

'Those eyes...'

They were a bloody crimson, so dark that Frauk almost mistook them for black, and shimmered along with the rest of the face. He could see no life within them, no joy or hope or glee. They swallowed the light around them, turning themselves ever darker with each passing second. There was wisdom to those eyes, and greed. So much greed. Given the chance, this creature would devour everything, from the souls of the living to the sun and stars themselves. Even now Frauk could feel their light tug upon him, beckoning to come closer and give himself to the nothingness that resided in those dark, red pits.

The face looked over Kaathe's shoulder, momentarily resting its deathly red eyes on Frauk.

And then it smiled.

It disappeared in an instant. The face, the dancing shadows, the ghastly screams, all gone within the blink of an eye. Kaathe withdrew himself from the fire, now loaming a natural orange. Frauk released the breath he'd been holding deflating as he did so. He'd sat through the same ritual with his companion dozens of times before, yet it never failed to unnerve him.

"You done?" he grumbled. Every second they wasted was another second in which the traitorous spy still drew breath, which meant the empire's secrets were at risk.

"Yes," said Kaathe. "The pact has been made."

Frauk gave a small nod. As treasonous and unnatural as Kaathe's fire magic's were, there was no doubting their effectiveness. Now that Kaathe had made his little deal with whatever that thing was, their victory was all but certain.
Whatever that creature was, Kaathe had promised it a soul...
And with the blessings it had bestowed upon them, they were certain to give one to it.

The Magic of Music Part 2

The following week passed far too quickly.

Like everything else, Equestrians made dancing needlessly complicated. A changeling's perspective on dancing was that virtually everything was acceptable, as long as it was done to a beat. It was meant to be the ultimate form of expression, a freedom of both one's spirit and body and a celebration of diversity. Needless to say, Equestrian dancing was more than a little bit different. Everything was confined by rules, from the way you held your partner to the way you moved across the dance floor. And like most other things that required discipline and grace, Caramel was absolutely terrible at it. Practicing with Rarity had only made that all the more clear.

In the space of seven days, Caramel had succeded in breaking the majority of the botique's furniture, hospitalising Opal, Rarity's cat, knocking over everything that wasn't nailed to the floor and stomping on Rarity's hooves so often that it was a wonder that she wasn't in crutches (Although Caramel swore that she was popping the odd painkiller or two into her mouth when he wasn't looking).

All in all, it went better than expected, and as an added bonus, Rarity even offered to make him a fitted dinner jacket-

"Will you just hold still!" chided Rarity as she fiddled profusely with Caramel's bowtie.

"It's not my fault, these clothes are just really itchy!" he replied pitifully.

"Itchy!? What do you mean 'itchy'? I'll have you know that that's some of the finest wool in Ponyville!"

"It's not so much the wool as it is the stitching..." Caramel caught his tongue a little too late.

"Are you questioning my work's quality?"

"N-no!"

"Aha! I caught that look! You don't like it do you? You think my wares aren't good enough for the likes of you! Well I can tell you now that my product has been admired by the upmost elite of Canterlot's nobility! I've won awards so fancy that you couldn't even pronounce the name, thank you very much!"

-You know what? Perhaps just a simple bowtie would look better. Yeah, bowties were cool.

Caramel was busily fiddling with said bowtie when a faint rapping thrummed from his door. He spared a final look into the mirror before he went to answer it. He'd spent hours on end working on improving his disguise. He'd made his cheekbones slightly more pronounced, brightened his eyes, whitened his teeth and added a slight sheen to his coat (he'd also considered giving himself a squarer chin, but he didn't want to go too overboard).

He pulled the door to, and gasped. Rarity dressed up good.

A fiery red dress draped itself seductively around her form, stripes of yellow twining through the cloth and glistening like a split lemon. She wore a gold necklace with a brilliant orange jewel shimmering at her throat and a thin line of scarlet adorned her lips. Her perfume was much like her attire; a scent of alluring complexity fanged with a spicy heat.

"Miss Rarity!" he exclaimed. "You look incredible!"

"Why thank you, the dress is of my own design and I've been simply dying for a chance to try it on," she fluttered her powdered eyelids and stroked a hoof through the fabric of her dress. Her eyes wandered to his bowtie. "Is that really all you're wearing?" she said sceptically.

Suddenly Caramel felt slightly underdressed. Maybe he should have thought twice about rejecting Rarity's offer, or at least put on a second bowtie of something, although Caramel was pretty sure that would have looked rather weird. From what he'd gathered over his time in Equestria, ponies didn't wear more than one of the same article of clothing. Maybe a wristwatch?

"Well, I wanted to, y'know, keep it simple..." he replied.

"Ah. Well it's very... *ahem*, nice, I suppose." she said with a painfully forced smile. Caramel winced inwardly at the blatantly obvious lie. He was afraid that it would have to do. Rarity was virtually the only vendor of quality clothing in Ponyville, and there was no way in Tartarus that he was going through that ordeal all over again.

"Thanks, I guess," he said half-heartedly. "So you're ready to go?"

"You bet, now come on, our carriage awaits!"

A carriage? Caramel smiled gleefully. He could still remember dragging Applejack and her friends all the way to Canterlot for the Royal Gala whilst hooked to the end of one of those dastardly things. It might actually be kind of nice to be carried for a change.

"Great!" said Caramel excitedly. "Who's pulling it?"

Rarity smiled awkwardly. "Right, about that. You see dear, we couldn't find anypony willing to pull the carriage this time apart from Thunderlane, and he's only one pony. So..." Rarity gave a quick patter of her eyelids. "I was wondering if I could ask you for a favour."

"This is so totally bull-" the sharp snap of a whip above his head cut Caramel off. "Damn it Spike, we've been through this before!" he growled. "Don't you remember the Gala?"

Spike shied away from Caramel's glare, blushing shamefully. "Right, sorry."

"Snap that whip again and I swear to Celestia that you will be!" Caramel spat before returning to pulling the carriage. The muscles in his legs had began to burn, and a light dappling of sweat dotted his forehead. When Rarity had told him that he was going to a party, this was not what he had in mind. The 'favour' that Rarity had asked of him was to help Thunderlane pull the carriage that she and the other girls were using from Ponyville to Canterlot. Him and Lucky Clover had been stuck with a similar job during the Grand Galloping Gala (by the same pony, no less). Needless to say, Caramel wasn't happy. Heck, the only reason he'd pulled the damned thing the first time round was because Rarity had asked so nicely. This time she'd just dumped the job in his lap without so much as a 'please' or 'thank you'!

Thunderlane addressed Caramel with a concerned stare. "Geez, cage the beast, man."

Caramel sighed. He'd known Thunderlane ever since his first month in Ponyville. They'd met at the local laundry shop after Thunderlane accidentally dropped his scarf into Caramel's basket. Caramel learned two things that day, one: that it only took one misplaced scarf to turn the majority of his wardrobe pink, and two: how to play ultimate Frisbee. Thunderlane taught him the game very thoroughly that afternoon to make up for ruining Caramel's clothes. One thing led to another and before Caramel knew it, they were back at his place with drinks in their hooves and playing cards on the table.
That had been a good day.

"Sorry," said Caramel shamefully. "I'm just a little pent up, is all. Tonight's kind of a big night, and I don't wanna go making a fool of myself."

Thunderlane shrugged indifferently. "S'cool, it's not everyday you go to a party as upper class as this. It's totally natural," He snorted. "Besides, you make yourself look like an idiot on a daily basis, the only difference here is that you'll be doing it in front of Canterlot nobility!"

Spike giggled at that, inciting a proud, victorious grin from Thunderlane. It was a little known secret that the Pegasus got on spectacularly with foals and youths. He'd worked as a babysitter before joining the weather team, and he and his five year old brother Rumble were about as close as brothers could be. Funny how the guy with a Mohawk and a reputation as a womaniser turned out to be a child at heart. But alas, that was Thunderlane for you; hardened steel on the outside, play-dough on the inside.

"Oh come on, it's not like you're much better," chortled Caramel. "In fact, why do you want to go to this thing anyways? The last time I checked you were more interested in house parties and beer pong!"

"Two words, man. Classy. Babes."

Did Caramel mention that Thunderlane was a womaniser?

Well he was. Big time. Rumour had it that he'd had one night stands with: Raindrop, Derpy Hooves, Rosebud, Miss Cheriliee, Sassaflash, Flitter, Cloudchaser, Nurse Redheart, Three of Applejack's relatives (Apple Fritter, Apple Leaves and Apple Cobbler to be exact), Aloe, Berry Frost, Cherry Berry, Blossomforth, that weird mare obsessed with hands, Mayor-freakin'-Mare and to top it all off, one of the Royal Sisters themselves. Which one it was varied depending on who you asked.
As aforementioned, Thunderlane was a womaniser.

Caramel couldn't help but laugh. "'Classy babes'? You're not looking for a quick roll in the hay with Sapphire Shores, are you?"

Again, Spike let out a mischievous giggle. "Pfft, yeah right, everpony know that Thunderlane's totally head over hooves for Pink-"

"Spike, another word and I'll end you." threatened Thunderlane, albeit jokingly.

The rest of the journey passed in relative silence, save for the odd quip or three between Thunderlane and Spike. Truth be told, Caramel was too nervous for conversation. He and Rarity had been over the plan a dozen times before; she'd sneak the most romantic song she had into the DJ's Vinyl collection, he'd ask Applejack to dance and hey-presto, he got his marefriend back. It was all so simple, yet so risky. What if Applejack refused? What if Rarity didn't manage to slip her vinyl into the line-up? What if Applejack thought that it was time for some well-deserved revenge and simply told everypony there that he was a changeling? No. Sure Applejack hated his guts right now, but she wouldn't go that far to get the point across...

Would she?

Caramel banished the thought from his mind as they reached the moat leading into Canterlot. The city looked just as impressive as last time. Porcelain-white towers thrust into the air, rimmed with gold along with a smattering of violet. The streets bristled with activity and expensive shops and diners were dotted between even more expensive homes.
And to his dismay, hordes of guards lined the streets.

Of course he'd predicted this. After the failed invasion of Canterlot it would have only been logical to increase the security, but this? This seemed a little overkill. As soon as they passed across the moat and into the city they were pounced by an inspection team who nagged them for proof of identity. Luckily for Caramel, he'd spent weeks on end during his training practicing the fine arts of forgery, so his papers were more than adequate for the ID inspector.

The further they delved into the city, the higher the concentration of guards became. Where did they all come from? As far as his knowledge of Equestrian military went... Well, they had none. They classified pies and foam swords as genuine weaponry and the deadliest and most costly war they'd ever been involved in was the great food-fight of 37 AC! Perhaps Princess Celestia simply thought that they needed a few more guards after the changeling attack, although that still didn't explain the sheer number of recruits she must have had at hoof.

He tried his hardest to act natural; the last thing he wanted to do in a situation like this was panic. So there were a few hundred or so more guards than he'd expected, no biggie. All he had to do was keep his disguise on and play it cool (which was a lot harder than it sounded, especially with a legion of trained fighters ready to pounce on you at a moments notice).

The guards attracted so much of his attention that he hadn't noticed that they'd arrived at the party until Thunderlane gave him a light tap on the shoulder.

"Yoohoo, anyone home?" he asked mockingly. "Come on, stop spacing out Caramel, we're here!"

Caramel looked upon the castle with awe. Its walls were as white as pearl, and the gold that banded the turrets brighter than the sun itself. Silken banners of red and violet streamed down its sides, reaching down to the bristling gardens, packed with lovingly crafted statues and brimming with flowers of every colour. Equestrian architecture had always focused on being flashy, but Canterlot Castle took things to a whole other level. Fireworks crackled overhead, filling the sky with their magnificent colours.

Behind him the doors to the carriage swung open and the six mares within poured out, chattering among themselves excitedly.

"Aww yeah," piped Rainbow Dash, rubbing her hooves together excitedly. "This is gonna be totally awesome!"

"I have to admit, the princesses spared no expense." added Twilight. "In fact, I don't think I've ever seen the castle this well decorated before!"

"Look!" shrieked Pinkie Pie ecstatically. "They even have a piñata!" she pointed to a nearby tree in the gardens. Sure enough, there dangled a paper mache changeling from one of the branches. A crowd of foals were gathered beneath its holed hooves, swinging wildly at it with bats.

"Daww, isn't that precious?" cooed Rarity.

A quick blow from one of the children tore the changeling down from its vantage point. The foals pounced on it, ripping off its limbs and caving in the poor thing's torso with whack after savage whack. Suddenly there was a tearing sound; the mob of kids had ripped open its belly and were clawing out its chocolate insides. A unicorn foal stood victoriously atop of the dog pile, the battered head of the piñata impaled upon her horn.

"Yeah," said Caramel, swallowing he lump in his throat as he watched the little barbarians shred what was left of the paper mache changeling's carcass. "Absolutely adorable."

Rainbow Dash jammed an elbow into his side- she was grinning evilly. "What's wrong Caramel, you look scared."

Caramel glared at Rainbow Dash. Yes he was scared. Terrified, actually. He was at a party dedicated to loathing him and surrounded by burly armoured dudes with spears who would love nothing more than to give him a few extra holes.
Caramel shook his head adamantly. "Not in the slightest." he answered confidently.

Rainbow Dash was about to make a snide remark before Rarity cut in. "Enough of that, Rainbow Dash, our Caramel has a big night ahead of him."

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes nonchalantly. "Whatever," she said dismissively, waltzing off towards the castle's entrance.

"Geez, what's her problem?" asked Thunderlane, watching the Pegasus fade into the crowd.

"Oh you know her, always trying to find some way to mess with my head." replied Caramel. "Celestia knows that that mare can hold a grudge!"

Thunderlane gave a small, thoughtful frown. "Are you sure? I mean, I've made my fair share of screw ups on the Weather Team, but she doesn't seem to mind."

Caramel shrugged. "I think it's a superiority thing more than anything," he said, scratching his chin ponderously. "Y'know, the 'Great and Powerful Rainbow Dash', kicked out of a tree and brought down to earth by a mere earth pony..."

His friend shook his head slowly, his features still creased in thought. "No, Rainbow Dash has never been like that. Don't get me wrong, she's cocky- And I mean Celestia-damned cocky- but as far as I can tell she's never been one to discriminate against races," a light smile touched at his lips. "Heck, if you think getting kicked out of a tree is bad, you should have seen what happened to her last week. There was this kid with a slingshot and-"

"Terribly sorry to interrupt dear, but I do believe that you're supposed to be escorting me to a party?" interrupted Rarity. She was tapping a hoof against the floor and fiddling with the jewel at her throat impatiently.

"Wait, what about Applejack?" he glanced at the ponies behind him and was dejected to find that she was not among them.

"I'm afraid she slunk off whilst you were busy gossiping with your friend." she answered, none too kindly. She glanced towards the castle's large, open ornate doors and shuffled eagerly on the spot.

'Well, somepony's impatient,' thought Caramel as he hooked his foreleg around Rarity's and led her inside. "See you soon, Thunderlane!" he called to his friend. Thunderlane gave a dismissive nod in their direction, the majority of his attention focused on Pinkie Pie as she bounced on by.

"So," Caramel muttered to Rarity as soon as they were out of earshot. "Run this plan of yours by me one more time, would you?"

"With me I have one the most romantic songs in the world," she said, producing a vinyl case in a bright flash of magic. It hovered in Rarity's blue aura before Caramel plucked it out and read the cover.

"My Hooves Will Go On?"

Rarity nodded. "A modern classic if I say so myself, simply the epitome of romance itself!"

Caramel remained sceptical. "So you're saying that if I dance with Applejack to this, she might warm up to me a little?"

"Exactly!"

"You know, I still fail to see the logic in that."

Rarity gave a prim little tut. "Honestly, haven't you ever read Ponies and Prejudice? A Midsummer Night's Canter? Any romance whatsoever?" she shook her head disappointedly. "Everypony knows that a good dance is the very embodiment of romance!"

Caramel sighed to himself dejectedly. He had no idea whether or not this would work. Sure, it happened all the time in those romance books, but then again that was a book, and this was real life. Suddenly his chances with Applejack began to look a lot more slim.
"Alright, so you sneak the vinyl into the DJ's playlist, and then what?"

She shrugged nonchalantly. "You dance, you fall in love, end of story."

"Seriously? That's it?"

"The best plans are often the most simple, darling."

As they passed through the massive doors Caramel caught his breathe for a second time. The interior was even more luxuriously decorated than the outside. Tapestries lined the walls along with hordes of paintings, and dangling from the ceilings were dozens of golden chandeliers. A large, seven-foot tall ornate fountain, fashioned from marble into the image of a royal guard standing victorious over a changeling with a spear at its throat sat in the middle of the hall. At the far end of the room a band was playing, the sweet sound of their chellos and pianos filling the room. The DJ stood to the side, setting up her equipment. No doubt she'd be taking over after the band finished playing.

"It's marvellous!" exclaimed Rarity, tightening her grip on Caramel's foreleg. "Look, even the Royal Sisters are here!" she pointed towards the pair of thrones which stood high over the proceedings of the ball. Sure enough, there sat both Celestia and Luna, conversing heatedly with a gathering of nobles. Luna's eyes flicked to them, and she waved to them both excitedly. Celestia, along with the entirety of the nobles, followed her gaze.

Caramel grimaced mentally as dozens of curious eyes bored into him, whereas Rarity embraced it wholeheartedly, prancing towards the nobles and dragging Caramel along with her. A waiter passed by carrying a tray filled with glasses of what looked like champagne. Caramel plucked up a glass, something told him that he was going to need it.

"Why Miss Rarity," exclaimed a moustachioed stallion as they drew closer. "You look simply ravishing!" next to him, a tall, strikingly slender mare with a fleur-de-lis for a cutie mark nodded in agreement. Her eyes lingered on Caramel curiously.

"Madam Rarity, I don't recall you having a coltfriend," she said, her voice flecked with the remnants of a Prench accent. The corner of her mouth perched itself upwards in a small, delicate smile. "So handsome, you will tell me where you found him, yes?"

Rarity giggled politely. "Oh no, he isn't my coltfriend, only a dear friend of mine." she said somewhat bashfully. At that, Caramel felt a small emotional blip from the slender, Prench accented mare as her smile deepened.

"So, he is 'up for grabs', as you say?"

Caramel blushed heavily. "A-actually I've already got my eye on somepony else, sorry," he stuttered. "I'm Caramel, by the way." he offered the mare a hoof, which she quaintly shook.

"A shame. Fleur De Lis, a pleasure to meet you monsieur... Caramel." she struggled with the pronunciation of his name. "An' zis is my dear cousin, Fancy Pants." she waved a hoof towards the moustachioed stallion.

"Charmed," cut in Fancy Pants, thrusting his hoof to Caramel. "It's wonderful to see another pony from Ponyville, your ilk are so colourful!" he exclaimed joyfully. "Say, how would you feel about continuing this conversation over a serving of drinks? The bar here has a menagerie of liquors, most of which I'm certain you'll find quite exquisite."

"Oh I-I'd love to but-"

"But of course!" exclaimed Rarity, bowling over Caramel's objections.

"Wonderful! we'll meet you over at the bar-"

"DEAREST RARITY AND CARAMEL, WE ARE MOST PLEASED TO SEE THEE HERE!"

"-After you're done speaking with Her Royal Highness, of course."

Luna skipped down from her throne with all the grace of a five-year-old filly and skittered to a halt before them as Fleur and Fancy Pants swaggered away towards the bar. Caramel pretended not to notice the slow, sultry wink that Fleur gave him over her shoulder before she disappeared into the crowd. Great. One of Canterlot's nobility had the hots for him, he'd attracted the attention of scores of ponies, and now he was going to have a conversation with the official monarchy of the freakin' moon itself. How long had he been here again? Five minutes? Less, even?

He threw back the champagne he'd picked up earlier and winced at the taste. Somepony had ruined it with a generous sprinkling of sugar. Disgusting. Why did Equestrians insist on putting sugar in everything, again? By the gods did he miss changeling alcohol- tak'vat in particular. Sure, it was basically firewater with some crushed almonds and lizard's blood thrown in, but a least it could be savoured!

'Well, you're about to talk Princess Luna, the 'monarchy of the freakin' moon' as you put it. If you're looking for somepony to file a complaint to, here's the mare.'

"Most wonderful friends, tis a pleasure to have your acquaintance here, on the most gayest of nights!" exclaimed Luna, effectively taking the last sliver of hope he had that he'd remain somewhat inconspicuous throughout the night and crushing it under her hoof. Part of him had to admire the Princess' boldness, whereas another, much larger part of him cursed her for her absolute disregard for subtlety. Chances were that now ponies left, right and centre would be badgering him throughout the entire night about how he knew the Princess of the Night.

'I hope Thunderlane isn't watching, gods know how I'm going to explain this to him.'

Caramel had to give Luna credit where it was due, she was certainly a lot more friendly than he'd expected her to be. He found it hard to imagine Queen Chrysalis skipping down from her throne and hugging him as if he were some oversized teddy bear- which Luna did. Right there. In front of everypony.

The word 'awkward' didn't even begin to describe it.

"I have been pondering thy noble quest and have conceived a great many ideas on how to capture the heart of the one you so desire!" she blurted, releasing Caramel from her bone-granulating hug.

"Y-your Majesty please! Ponies are watching!" stuttered Caramel.

"Then let them watch! For our aiding of you in the fields of romance shall be something to be admired by all!" she paused, as if struck by a sudden revelation. "*Gasp* I'd almost forgotten! Please excuse us, for we have something that we must attend to, stay right here, for I shall return!" and then, in a sudden and unexpected flash of magic, she was gone.

...

What?

"You must forgive my sister's inadequacies," said Celestia, gracefully slipping from her throne and walking towards them. "She hasn't stopped talking about you since you first met her. In fact, she's shown a great deal of interest in your... predicament."

"Really?" asked Caramel, somewhat flattered. As much of a shock as it was, it was comforting to know that he had the support of the Princess of the Night herself. Nothing boosts morale like having an all-powerful deity on your side, after all.

"I must say, I've rarely seen Luna so invigorated before, although she has always had something of an obsession with romance," Celestia giggled to herself. "And obsession truly is the word. I doubt anypony in Equestria has as a collection of romance novels extensive enough to challenge the size of my sister's!"

Rarity 'hmphed' quietly, and Caramel felt a twinge of jealousy ripple from her. Looks like somepony was willing to accept that challenge.

"Anyways, if I were you I'd make myself scarce as quickly as possible, lest you wish to spend the rest of the night with Luna nudging your side and whispering tips into your ear." suggested Celestia.

Caramel had barely uttered a 'goodbye' before Rarity practically carried him off to the bar. She threw a hasty 'farewell' in Celestia's direction as to not seem rude. Celestia spared them both a bemused smile before returning to the gathering of nobles.

"Rarity, what are you doing?" he hissed. "Shouldn't we be sticking to your plan?"

"My plan is very flexible, and besides, two of the most respected ponies in Canterlot just asked us to share a drink with them! I- we might not get a chance like this ever again!" she finished with something that Caramel could only describe as a 'fanmare squeal' before dragging him the rest of the way.

Fancy Pants and Fleur sat at a table surrounded with high-backed chairs decorated with red velvet. Fancy Pants cupped a mug of ale in one hoof whereas Fleur had a tall glass of red wine and was nursing it with small sips, looking somewhat bored. She perked up, however, when her wandering eyes fell upon Rarity and Caramel- Or more specifically, just Caramel. Her violet eyes lidded themselves, and Caramel smelt the delectable scent of love flowing through the air.

'Well, if I'm gonna have a member of the Canterlot elite chasing after my tail, it may as well be somepony I can brag to Thunderlane about.' he smirked, imagining Thunderlane's jealous expression when he found out that Caramel was being sought after by somepony who could've passed for a supermodel.

"Lady Rarity, Mr Caramel, Please sit! We've ordered your drinks for you, I hope you don't mind." said Fancy Pants.

A smile found its way to Caramel's lips. He'd been a notoriously heavy drinker back home in the High Mountains. When you lived in a place as secluded as that, your choices in leisurely activities were limited to either praying or drinking, and Caramel was never the most religious changeling. He'd quit when he went to work at the hive, and had rarely touched alcohol ever since. When Queen Chrysalis sought to make him a spy, his drinking- along with the majority of his other vices- came to an abrupt stop.

A mug of what looked like ale awaited him on the table along with a glass of red wine for Rarity. Caramel contemplated the mug for a moment. The vile taste of the sugared champagne he'd had earlier still clung to his teeth, and he was desperate for something to wash it away. Equestrians didn't sweeten their ale too, did they?

'Remember, we're here for a reason, and you aren't going to dance all too good with a belly full of ale now, are you?'

Then again, he was kind of thirsty...

'Y'know, maybe we could just go for a drink another time? like, oh I don't know, when we're not surrounded by big, armoured guys with spears?'

A single bead of condensation trickled down the side of the frosted mug, paving a thin pathway through the thin layer of ice. Its colour was a thick gold, the white of its head tinted with a light brown. Gods forbid, it was getting warm! He couldn't let such a fine beverage go to waste now, could he?

'Hello? Are you even listening to me or am I just being dragged along for the ride?'

He'd already had a glass of that terrible champagne, anyways, just one little mug of ale wasn't going to hurt, was it? No, and besides, it would be rude of him to protest...

'Just... Fine. Just remember when you're fumbling around like a drunkard that your common sense told you that this was a bad idea!'

Caramel slumped into the chair set out for him and eagerly cupped his mug in his brought it to his lips. It was gloriously bitter, and cold enough to send a shiver running up his spine. Thankfully, Caramel couldn't taste even the slightest hint of sugar, something he was inconceivably thankful for. At least Equestrians had the common sense to brew their ale properly.

The scraping of wood against tiles emanated from beside him. He glanced to the side to find Fleur resting her head against a hoof, her half-lidded eyes considering him voluptuously. She'd dragged her chair around the table, and was sitting uncomfortably close to him. The slight trickle of affection he was receiving from her deepened, its scent clogging his senses-
Or maybe that was the thick sheen of perfume she'd layered herself with, both were rather poignant.

"Monsieur Caramel enjoys a good drink, yes?" she asked, purposefully adding a sprinkling of allure to her voice. Caramel sighed mentally, as much as having a high class Prench model hitting on him stroked his pride, it certainly wasn't ideal. Applejack had once casually mentioned what would happen if she ever found him 'fooling around' with another mare.

It involved egg beaters...

Of course he had no intention of 'fooling around' with Fleur. Sure she was beautiful, but she was no Applejack. She wouldn't work alongside him on a windy day, let him pick her little sister up from school, embrace his little oddities, argue with him over hoofball results or chastise him when he got himself hurt. He bet she didn't even squirt milk out of her nose when she laughed. What a joke.

"I'll admit, I can be a bit of an alcoholic at times," he said with feigned merriness. His eyes quickly surveyed the hall. Still no Applejack. Where was she?

"Can't we all?" replied Fancy Pants, raising his glass to his lips with a smirk. Caramel couldn't quite point out why, but he liked this Fancy Pants guy. He was polite, well-witted, and he paid for his ale. A fine figure of a gentlecolt if there ever was one.

'Perhaps not all of us,' thought Caramel as he glanced over to Rarity. She dipped her tongue into her wine and winced at the taste. Rarity hated alcohol, along with any other kind of intoxicant- a little gem of information he'd picked up on her through his observations. She had always been the easiest to spy on. Her exuberant attitude and endless gossiping made it difficult not to know every little thing there was about her- well, except for her love of Iron Mare, that is. Needless to say, she kept that secret pretty well guarded.

"I hope you don't think of it as rude of me to ask, but how do you know the Princess?" asked Fancy Pants curiously. Caramel had suspected he'd ask something of the sort, having a Princess know you on a first name basis was kind of a big deal, after all.

"Like Miss Rarity said, I'm a dear friend of hers," he answered as casually as possible. "And she's been generous enough to give me a tour of Canterlot Castle before. Anyways, being a friend of an Element of Harmony, the Princessess were all too happy to meet me. I shared a few kind words with Princess Celestia, and Princess Luna all but demanded that I have a game of chess with her sometime."
His ego gobbled up their satisfied smiles. Sure he didn't like tricking ponies, but that didn't mean that he couldn't take pride in it from time to time, right?

"Oh yes, that's a day I remember ever so fondly," said Rarity, cementing his lie as the truth. She gave him a cheeky smirk. "I believe that Her Highness still owes you that chess game." That earned a laugh from everypony at the table, Caramel included.

"And to think I've never met you before!" exclaimed Fancy Pants. "Miss Rarity, you really mustn't hide such amiable friends from me, it's simply criminal!"

"Well, I suppose you could say that I wanted to keep him all to myself," quipped Rarity.

Fleur made a bubbly giggle. "Understandable..." she purred, shifting her chair ever closer to Caramel's. Subtlety was obviously not this mare's forte. The trickle of affection that he'd been receiving from her had long since turned into a river of lust and yearning, fuelled on petty desire. However, buried beneath all of the primal want and craving, he could discern scraps of genuine care. Somewhere, among all of that trivial lust for cheap romance, was a small hint of... pity?
Sympathy? Some sort of personal understanding? Somewhere deep in her heart, Fleur felt sorry for him. But that begged the question- why?

He pushed it to the back of his mind. It wasn't important, what really mattered was finding Applejack. His eyes scanned over the dance floor and dining area. Nothing. This was getting old real fast. He'd dragged a carriage full of ponies from Ponyville to Canterlot, surrounded himself with guards who're probably thirsty for his blood and spent the entirety of last week stomping on Rarity's hooves in a vain attempt at dancing. Couldn't fate simply throw him a bone and just give him his marefriend back already?

Caramel swallowed the last of his ale, savouring the bitter taste. "So, what does everypony think of the party?" he asked, his eyes still stealing quick glances around the place in a vain attempt to find Applejack. "I don't think I've ever been to something so upper-class before!"

That seemed to pique Fancy Pants' interest. "Is that so?" he asked curiously. "By the look of you I'd thought you a stallion with finer tastes than most."

"Oh no, just a lowly farm's hoof. The only thing fancy about me is this here bowtie!" answered Caramel.

Next to him, Fleur shrugged. "I thought it was obvious," She stated plainly before reaching out to run a hoof down the length of his foreleg. "Your 'physique' gives you away." Her tongue stumbled on 'physique', not that Caramel noticed, he was too busy mentally screaming at her to stop.

'I need an adult! Sweet Chrysalis, doesn't she have any boundaries?'

"M-miss Fleur De Lis, please," Caramel choked, "some personal space!"

"Oh come now, Monsieur Caramel," she said, her hoof moving idly across his chest. "Where is the fun in being single if you can't 'ave a little fun 'ere and there, hmm?" she lidded her eyes once again and inched her muzzle towards his. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Rarity, watching with eyes wide and jaw dropped. Obviously he wasn't the only one who though this was slightly unusual.

In fact, now that he thought about it, a heck of a lot seemed pretty unusual.

Why did fancy pants get him an ale? Most ponies hated the stuff, and would curdle at the mere taste of it, surely it would have made more sense to get him something a little sweeter? And what of his relations with Luna? Surely if anypony else saw him getting glomped by the Moon Princess herself they'd be prying him with questions throughout the night! Fancy Pants and Fleur merely brushed upon the subject and then disregarded it entirely. Also, what was up with Fleur? Sure Equestrian mares could get rather... physical when they were excited, but this was taking it to a whole other level! Heck, the only females he knew who were this forward with their attractions were all...

He looked back to Fleur- what he thought was Fleur, and stared deep into her sweet, champagne-pink eyes, and there he saw it. It was there for only a tenth of a second, and so small that if he hadn't been looking for it he probably wouldn't have seen it. The tiniest, most miniscule tell that proved all of his suspicions to be true-

A flicker of green in the corner of her iris.

"I'm terribly sorry to cut this short, but me and Caramel have business to attend to." said Rarity. Caramel didn't notice her until she led a hoof on his shoulder. "Come along, Caramel, I'm sure you wouldn't want to keep Applejack waiting."

"S-sure," he stammered, gently swatting away Fleur's- or at least her imitation's- hoof and removing himself fro the table. "I'll, uh, see you around, I guess."

"Oh, I wouldn't be too sure about that," said Fancy Pants, idly reaching into his dinner jacket and producing a small pocket watch. "I'm afraid that we have some business to attend to of our own. Come along, Fleur, I loathe being late." he gave a hastened goodbye to Caramel and Rarity before departing with Fleur, who glanced at Caramel victoriously before leaving. The cheap love she'd been pouring into him dissolved in an instant, leaving nought but the small pip of sorrow he'd felt from her earlier.
'A ruse, that love was nothing but a ruse...'

His curiosity urged him to follow her, but alas, Rarity's persistence won him over. He was here for Applejack, not so he could go chasing some disguised changeling around the block. Maybe he should sic a guard on her, just to be sure, there were certainly enough around here to spare.
'And draw unnecessary attention to yourself, not to mention betray one of your own kind?'

He quickly disposed of the idea. Caramel was many things, but a traitor wasn't one of them. True, he owed a lot to Celestia and Luna, but he wasn't about to rat out another changeling. He had gotten off lucky, but who's to say that the same would happen to whoever hid beneath that Fleur-disguise?
Still, if they'd taken the risk of coming here in the first place, Caramel doubted that it was to do something as innocent as love-gathering. Perhaps they were a spy like him? Could they have infiltrated the palace under the guise of a party-goer to gain access to the secrets that lie deeper within these very walls? The more he thought about it the more it seemed like something he would do. They could be stealing secrets right out of the Royal Archives and then shaking Celestia's hoof only minutes later. Nopony ever questioned nobles, never stopped them or asked them where they were going. When pulled off right, it was the perfect disguise. Who knows what that changeling could have stolen! Advanced spells from the restricted levels of the archives? A precious treasure, perhaps?

Ratting out that changeling suddenly became a whole lot more appealing. Sure, it would leave him laden with guilt, but what if that one changeling had something malicious in mind?

'Betray Equestria, or betray the Empire. Decisions, decisions...'

A decision that was gratefully made for him by Rarity. "Come on, come on, you don't want to miss your chance!" she said as she dragged him across towards the exit. The band had finished playing, and the DJ had begun playing her line-up.

"Rarity, where are we going?" asked Caramel whilst Rarity led him through the large, ornate double doors of the palace and out into the garden. "The party's back that way!"

"That may be so, but if I know Applejack we shan't find her there." she said sternly. "She's always preferred the outside, so I'm guessing that you'll find her somewhere out... here!" she pointed a hoof towards a nearby bench overlooking a gathering of flowers. To Caramel's relief, Applejack sat there, listlessly staring into the menagerie of flowers before her.

'Showtime.'

Simplicity. Applejack longed for it.

She wished, more than anything, for life to just go back to normal. Things were better then. She'd wake up, do her job, spend time with her friends, and go to sleep. She'd spend Saturdays with Caramel, watching as he tried (and failed) to make her breakfast, going over his week went, maybe sparing the odd peck on the cheek or two if she was feeling particularly romantic. Things were better back then, they'd been easy, they'd been simple. There were no changelings, no torn emotions or broken hearts, just her, her family, her friends and her coltfriend.
It was a life that she was content with living.

Of course, fate just couldn't have that, now, could it? Caramel just had to turn into an oversized bug and ruin everything. She could kiss goodbye to romance and wave farewell to simplicity. Her life had been one built upon trust, and how the heck was she supposed to trust anypony after this? She'd seen betrayal before, but this was simply too much. Not only was he another species, but a spy as well? He'd taken the very trust she'd centred her existence around and essentially flipped it upside down. If somepony so close to her could betray her so drastically, who's to say that others couldn't? How many lies had Big Macintosh told her? How truthful were her friends? How honest was the world, truly?

Applejack sighed, and gazed longingly into the brilliantly pale flowers arranged throughout the Royal Garden, reclining her back against the bench as she did so. Why couldn't she have been born a flower? Flowers didn't lie or deceive, they simply drank, got on with their lives and died. Simplicity at its finest.

She was longing to be a flower. Caramel would have laughed his flank off at that.

She thrust Caramel, the flowers and her waning belief honesty to the back of her mind. Screw it all, she was at a party. If there was a better place to drown out your sorrows in momentary happiness, she didn't want to know about it. There was a bar at this party, and by Celestia, she was going to make use of it! That Berry Punch mare she saw every now and then managed to drink all her problems away, so why couldn't she? It had been a while since she'd drank anything stronger than cider, after all.

"Hi!"

She leapt into the air with a terrified yelp, bucking out in the direction of the pony who'd so rudely snuck up on her. Her hooves met the pony's chest and sent them tumbling to the ground. She went to apologise, but stopped herself when she noticed who it was.

Caramel cleared his throat and brushed the dirt off of his coat. "Sorry about that, I've never been all that good at making an entrance..." he trailed off when he saw Applejack, poised to attack at a moments notice.

"Y'all better have a mighty good reason for comin' over here," she growled. "Cuz' I'm about ready to buck yer head clean off'a yer shoulders."

"Of course I have a good reason," said Caramel defensively. "I was... Going to ask you if you wanted to-"

"Dance?"

"How did you..."

Applejack shrugged. "Rares gave me a talkin' to before we left," she said, rolling her eyes and glowering at the unicorn watching intently in the distance. "She can be... mighty persuasive."

"Please?" said Rarity, throwing herself before Applejack and grovelling at her hooves.

"No."

"Please?"

"Ah said no!"

"Pleeeaaase? I'll be your friend!"

"You're already my friend!"

"I'll be your best friend?" Rarity poked her bottom lip out, making sure to give it a small quiver, just for good measure.

Applejack glared venomously at the unicorn before finally caving in under her relentless bombardment of cuteness. She surrendered with a sigh. "If ah do this, will ya stop buggin' me?"

"Maybe..."

"Fine, one dance, ah'll give him one dance!"

"So, does that mean you're gonna gimmie a dance?" he asked. Applejack's frown deepened and her eyes formed a pair of emerald slits.

"Don't y'all go thinkin' ah like this, ahm doin' this fer the sake of Rarity, not you!" she snapped

"So... Yes?"

Applejack glared at him for a moment longer before casting her head to the side, mumbling "fine." under her breath. There were four things that she hated above anything else in this world: Trickery, lying, bribery and waiting in line at the post office. This changeling had managed to do three of them so far, and if his next crazy attempt to trick her into loving him again involved a date to the post office, well, somepony would end up scraping changeling off of the walls.

On the other hoof, Rarity wasn't going to leave her alone until she did this, and as strong willed as Applejack was, she was not willing to put up with a whining Rarity. The last time she'd had to experience such a displeasure was when she refused to help Rarity with some modelling... She still had nightmares about that.

Caramel made a small 'yay' before excitedly offering her his hoof. She glared at it distastefully before mentally noting to never listen to Rarity again. Reluctantly, she took hold of the hoof, just as the music began to play...

Iron Mare?

She didn't.

She didn't.

The guitars began to speed up their rhythm, and the singer bellowed out a courageous 'Oh yeah!'

She did!

Rarity brought her hooves to her mouth to muffle her screams of anguish. What had she done? She'd promised Caramel love, and gave him heavy rock! Sweetie Belle must have gone raiding through her vinyl collection again, she never put her records back in the right cases! This was a disaster- no, a catastrophe! This... This...

'This is my favourite track.'

No! This was neither the time nor the place. She had to-
'Up the Irons...'
Put an end to this travesty! She was nought if not a mare of her word, and she'd promised Caramel, a friend in need, that she would give him-
'One of the sickest guitar solos ever...'
The most romantic, heart wrenching song in her arsenal, and she'd gave him Iron Mare! This simply wouldn't do. She went to rush back into the palace hall, hooves refused to run, thinking it a better idea to tap themselves to the beat. Sweet Celestia, not now!

'Air guitar, right here, right now.'

She... She couldn't. Not here, not now...
She spared a glance through the door of the palace to find that the dance floor was virtually empty, alluring her, calling her. It looked so appealing, and it would be awfully cold-hearted of her to leave such an incredible song un-rocked to, after all.

'Up the Irons...

No no no, she simply couldn't! Besides, she couldn't leave Caramel like... This?

To her shock and awe, Applejack and Caramel were, in fact, dancing. Well, she supposed it qualified as dancing, anyways. Applejack was swaying to the music, giving a slight nod of her head here and there, whilst Caramel was in the middle of air-guitaring.

'Bah, he calls that an air guitar? He mustn't even know the meaning of the phrase! Everypony knows that- wait, no, bad brain!'

'Stop messing around and-'

'Come now Rarity, you're above such things, purge such uncouth thoughts from your mind!'

'Up-'

'Think about dresses, baubles, afternoon tea with a friend, combing Opal's fur, for the love of the Princess ANYTHING BUT THAT!'

'The-'

'No, not here! Not with so many ponies watching!'

'IRONS!'

...

With a cross between a scream and a 'woohoo', Rarity rushed back in to the party, throwing her forearms wildly into the air and diving onto the dance floor. Time for some air guitar.

Sure it wasn't what Caramel expected, but hey, music was music, right? Sure, it wasn't as subtle as what Rarity had in mind, but they were dancing, weren't they?
Caramel coughed.

He was swaying back and forth on his hooves. He supposed that it kind of counted as dancing, although he guessed Rarity would say otherwise. Luckily for him though, Rarity had ran off a couple of minutes ago, screaming something or the other about a 'sick solo'.

He cleared his throat and offered a friendly smile to Applejack. "So, about this whole 'me being a changeling thing-'"

"Ah don't wanna talk about it." she said, remaining completely stoic even whilst bobbing her head to the music. If he were in any other position, Caramel was pretty sure that he would've laughed his flanks off. She may not have noticed it, but she looked nothing short of hilarious right now.

"Oh come on!" he begged before coughing into a hoof. "The Applejack I know was always willing to listen!" okay, that was a lie. A white lie, but a lie nonetheless. Applejack was undoubtedly one of the most hard-headed ponies he knew.

"Nope."

Caramel sighed. "Okay, how about this: I'm going to talk, and if you hear anything you don't like, I'll let you buck my face in, deal?"

Applejack ceased her half-hearted dancing for a second to stare distrustfully into Caramel's pleading eyes. Caramel was about to give up when Applejack finally growled "Start talkin.'"

"Okay," panted Caramel. Why was he so tired? The last time he checked, they'd only been dancing for a minute or two. Heck, he was even starting to build up a sweat!
'Whatever, just start talking before Applejack loses interest, something tells me you aren't going to get another chance at this.'

"Look, I know that you're not happy about me being a spy and all, and in your position I would be too."
He coughed.
"But please, please hear me out here. What I did, I did for my country, the changelings aren't exactly the most well fed species out there."
He coughed again.
Caramel paused for a moment, and a smidge of sorrow tarnished his face. "I did it for my mom, my dad, my friends and family, my village... If you were in my position, I know that you'd do the same."

Applejack gave a ghost of a frown, but nothing else. Caramel swore that he could hear the gears turning in her head.

With a smile and a splutter, he continued. "Now when I first came to Equestria, I won't denies that I- well- I kinda hated your guts. You were bossy, had annoying friends, and your accent really sent me over the edge-" Applejack really did frown at that, and flexed her hind legs for what Caramel guessed would be the mother of all bucks. He mentally prayed that if it came to that, she would leave his mouth alone. He preferred having his teeth inside his skull.
"-But!" he said quickly, before Applejack could kick his head off his shoulders. "You changed that. I mean, sure you were still kind of bossy, but I really didn't mind that anymore, and your friends actually turned out to be pretty cool"- 'Except for Rainbow Dash, she just straight up sucks' -"and your accent, well, it's kind of cute once you get used to it."

To Caramel's delight, a small blush tinted Applejack's cheeks. She looked away the instant she noticed it was there. 'Score one for the changeling.' he thought smugly.

"You see, there had been a beauty there that I'd been too close-minded to notice before, not just in you, but in everypony," his throat was growing parched, and a heat had begun to emanate behind his eyes. With a shake of his head, it was gone. "I made friends, came to parties, actually talked to ponies for once and..." the heat in his head returned with vengeance, now burning the insides of his skull with hot pulses of pain.

"Uhh, you okay?" asked Applejack. Her words rattled around the inside of his head and hammered against the inside of his ears. Was this a migraine?
His head screamed with agony, and the inside of his throat began to swell. No, this was no migraine. What in name of the gods was happening to him?

Colours had begun to merge together and brighten, the party, Canterlot and Applejack soon becoming an indescribable blob of orange, whites, and blues. Something flared green with the crackle of what sounded like fire. Off in the distance, somepony screamed.

The realisation hit him like a freight train. The changeling, the ale left waiting for him on the table, the subtle smirk of victory that Fleur had thrown at him before she'd left...
Poison.

He'd studied the different ways on how to kill somechangeling in secrecy, and poisons had been one of his favourite subjects. Blurred vision, a heat behind the eyes, a difficulty to breath. These were the effects of skeltgrass. It was a favourite among assassins, mainly because of the variety of ways it could be used. When consumed directly the victim could be dead within a couple of minutes, and when it was ground up and put into a drink, it would probably claim the target's life in fifteen to twenty minutes. The only downfall was that death could quite easily be avoided with... With...

The searing heat in his head burned away any coherent thought. 'Come on, think! You didn't spend ages learning about this crap just so you could curl up and die!'

"Caramel, what in hay do ya think you're doin', put your disguise back on!" echoed a voice.

'Was it water? A pinch of salt? butter? It was something simple like that, a fruit? Yes, that's it, a fruit! But which one?'

"Fer the love of- listen Caramel, if this is yer way of tryin' ta impress me then good job, ya succeeded, now stop messin' around an' put yer disguise back on!"

"There, It's a changeling! Somepony get the guard!"

"Aw heck, run! I said run, ya darn fool!"

'It hurts... They never told me how much it hurts...' the pain began to ravage him mercilessly. His throat burned like sand under the hot sun, and his carapace felt as if it was going to melt off of his body. Numbly he noticed the warm trickle of blood running from his ears.

'"But mom, he called me a bug..."'

'"That's no excuse hit your brother, now get back there this instant and apologise, young changeling."'

The voice of his mother was so clear in his head that she could've been standing right next to him. His brain sweltered in his skull. The skeltgrass had ravaged his senses, and now it had set itself upon razing his mind. He retched, bile and mucus gushing out of his mouth and spattering against the floor.

'"You're drunk again, aren't you?"' his father's voice cut through the indiscernible chatter of the gathering crowd. It was laden with sorrow and disappointment. '"Gods dammit... Come in through the back door, I don't want your mother seeing you like this."'

The world was a reeling blur of colour and sound. Here and there, the voices of the surrounding ponies pierced the fray.

"What's it doing?"

"It's getting closer! Guards, kill it, kill it quick!"

"Halt beast, by order of the Princess of the Sun, I hereby place you under arr-"

She was standing right there.

There, among the random blotches of colour stood Chrysalis. Her eyes glistened the colour of split lime, and her carapace was a thick, oiled black. She towered above him, regarding him with a look stuck somewhere between sorrowful and disappointed. When she spoke, the voice of his mother, his brother, his father and his Queen tumbled out in a horrific scream.

"TRAITOR!"

Caramel fainted.

Author's Note

Aaaaaaaaaand done.

Sorry if this isn't up to standards. I found this chapter painfully had to write.

P.S. I'm sure you've noticed I've changed the age rating by now- let's just say things may be getting a little darker from now on.

The Magic of Music Part 3

Frauk allowed his head to rest lazily against Kaathe's shoulder as they passed a patrol of guards. Ground Skeltgrass could kill a grown changeling in roughly ten minutes, depending on their size. Considering the smaller than usual portion they'd spiked the spy's drink with, Frauk gauged that he'd be dead in about a quarter of an hour. Kaathe had insisted upon halving the amount of poison in order to give themselves more time to escape. It was an unnecessary cruelty. Frauk had always been opposed to using the stuff. The Changeling Empire was rife with things that could kill you, so why choose the more painful option when so many other humane ones exist?
Skeltgrass poisoning was a torturous way to die. The eyes would burn, the ears would bleed and the blood would turn black and lumpy in the veins. Frauk preferred ground Sandspider himself. Quick and relatively painless- just like falling asleep.

His eyes flicked to the changeling beside him. They'd both picked ponies of noble birth to disguise themselves as. Fleur De Lis and Fancy Pants, their names were. Frauk had sprinkled some crushed redroot atop of their afternoon dinner, and by his calculations, they wouldn't be waking up until halfway through the night. It'd been Kaathe's idea, and a good one at that. The guise of a noble fit Kaathe well. His delicate way of carrying himself blended seamlessly with the disguise.

"We're almost there." said Kaathe. He sounded so relaxed that it was almost frightening. He'd just murdered somechangeling in one of the most brutal ways possible, and he didn't even seem to care. Frauk subtly felt at Kaathe's consciousness, only to find the bleak nothingness which he'd come to expect. Kaathe always kept his emotions shrouded in secrecy. Those he chose to show were often little more than a trick. Sure, he smiled, he laughed and even shouted when you got him angry enough, but it never seemed like anything other than a clever ruse. He was pretending to smile, pretending to laugh, pretending to feel... Frauk had always wondered, if he were to peel back all the layers of Kaathe's secrecy, what would he find? His eyes drifted to his horn. When undisguised, it bore the mark of marriage- a ring carved into the chitin around the point where the horn met the head. He wondered if it was genuine, or simply another one of the mysterious assassin's tricks.

"What we did was wrong."

The words tumbled out of Frauk's mouth before he had the chance to stop them. He silently cursed himself for his forwardness. This was not the time for conversation. Why couldn't he spare this for somewhere a little less populated? Next to him, Kaathe smiled his empty smile and laughed his fake, humourless laugh. "Is that sympathy I hear? Come now, friend. We can do little wrong when we work towards goals so just."

Frauk shivered as Kaathe spoke. His voice was tinged with an unplaceable accent and filled with an unsettling casualness. "What we did there was wrong," said Frauk, resolute. "and you know it. We've never killed anyone like that before... Not that savagely."

Kaathe gave a dismissive shrug "Dead is dead. If you want to go back in there and apologize to his corpse, I won't stop you."

Frauk sighed, he could try to sway him all day, but it would all be folly. There was no getting through to him. Talking to this changeling was like talking to a brick wall, a brick wall that could talk back. Morosely he wondered what he'd find in that head of his if somechangeling were to crack it open. Would there be flesh and bone, or nought but gears? Neither would've surprised him.

They ghosted effortlessly through the streets, slipping in and out of the shadows and twisting through the alleyways, covertly changing disguises twice to throw off any pursuers. Passing through the checkpoints set up by the guards was insultingly easy. Equestrians were never the most perceptive of folk, and their guards did well to prove that fact. They were outside the city walls by sunrise, and nopony was any the wiser.

Lemons.

Thank, Celestia, thank the gods, thank Chrysalis, and thank Luna especially for lemons.

A lemon had been jammed awkwardly into his mouth and impaled upon his fangs. The juice trickled freely onto his tongue, and for a moment, he thought he might actually vomit over the overpowering sourness of it.

It was the most beautiful thing he'd ever tasted.

He glanced around at his surroundings. The walls were lined with bookshelves, and above him the mosaic of a half-moon upon a black sky filled the ceiling. Glittering jewels made up the stars, and the moon itself glistened as if covered in a fine layer of crystal. He was led upon a queen sized bed- perhaps the biggest he'd ever seen. The covers had been strewn across the floor. Looked like Luna didn't care much for neatness.

Caramel sighed through his lemon. His entire body throbbed with near indescribable pain, and his veins burned beneath his chitin. He didn't care. It felt good to feel pain, it felt good to breathe, it felt good to be alive.

He turned his head to the side, searching for Luna so that he could fall to his haunches before her, praise her as the one true princess, and lick the filth from her hooves. He yelped, sending the lemon flying out of his mouth and into the contents of a nearby chessboard, sending the pieces skittering across the floor.
Two great, blue, glassy eyes stared into his, unblinking and emotionless. Caramel would have screamed, had he not noticed whom the eyes belonged to.

A humungous, pony-sized orca plushie was laid across the pillow next to him, its glare boring into his head. What the heck as that doing here?

"You are awake!"

"Hmm- GAK!"

Two forelegs wrapped around his midsection and squeezed, and his many aches and pains suddenly became all the more apparent. He blinked back tears as the Princess of the Night squeezed him tight. Luna sure did like her hugs, didn't she?

"Well I'll be, you're all squishy underneath," she exclaimed, releasing Caramel from the hug and prodding at his soft underside. "Tis very... Neat!"

"You'd be surprised by how much I hear that." he choked, wrapping himself into the foetal position. His words came out shaky, chippered by his sore throat. "I... Could I please have something to drink, Your Highness? My throat's parched."

Luna's horn glowed its cyan aura, and a glass of water popped into existence above him. He accepted it with thanks and chugged it back eagerly.

"We were worried that the poison had already done its damage, thou were coughing up all sorts of vile things!" she explained. "We're only glad we were able to get the cure in time."

"About that," said Caramel, curiously. "How'd you know that-"

"Lemon juice is the perfect cure for deathweed poisoning?" Luna smirked proudly. "When one has lived through as many assassination attempts as I, knowledge of poisons and their cures comes somewhat naturally."

"Deathweed?"

"The toxin that was used upon you." said Luna. "A most curious substance, one that we haven't seen for many a year. We know not where it comes from, but its effects are very... Adverse." She made a small shiver. "Tis a most savage poison."

'I wonder if she'll freak if I tell her it was made exclusively by changelings...' He pondered grimly to himself. Deathweed must have been the Equestrian name for skeltgass. Throughout his studies of the Equestrian race he'd found several cases of changeling inventions found throughout Equestria, renamed and pondered over by ponies. Almost all of these were either potions used to silence those who'd learnt too much of the changeling race. Mind wiping drugs, sleeping powders and- in some very select cases -poisons were all on the list. Yirnleaf became Forget-Me-Do, Redroot became Bed-Branch and Skeltgrass became Deathweed.

"How'd I get here?" Said Caramel, subtly redirecting the conversation.

Luna gave a small shrug of her wings. "We were able to teleport thou away before the guards did anything too drastic, although the party was well and truly ruined. Thou were lucky to have lived. Had we arrived later, the poison would have worked itself far too deep into your body, and thou would have certainly perished. T'was another stroke of luck that thou were outside. Had thou been within the scrabble of a crowd, thou would've most likely been torn apart. Speaking of which, what was thou doing out there?! Did we not say 'stay right here'?"

Caramel cleared his throat. "Well I... I saw Applejack! You couldn't expect me to wait around when my marefriend was all alone, could you? that would've been-" his mind groped madly for the right word. 'Mean? Cruel? Despicable? Ungentlecoltly? Bingo.
"-Ungentlecoltly!"

The Princess tapped a hoof against her chin, considering. "Fine. Twas a noble enough purpose, we suppose." she said grudgingly. "But still, that makes it none the less rude," she flicked her nose into the air in fake offence. "And to think, we considered giving thou a present!"

Caramel shifted uneasily onto his haunches. "Present?"

"Yes. Twas a fine gift, but after such a blatant display of rudeness we doth not think thou hast earned it." Luna continued, turning her back to him with a disgruntled 'hmph'. Ah. She was toying with him. Over a year in Equestria and months spent studying their social norms and he still couldn't understand that somepony was playing with him. He decided to play along with her, if only out of gratitude.

"Oh come now, Princess, I'll be good! I won't even tell anypony that you've got a giant, fluffy whale in your bed!" he said, making a small gesture towards the whale plushie behind him. It had the desired effect. Luna's cheeks blushed a furious crimson as she looked upon the stuffed toy.

"That is merely a gift." she said brusquely. "A present from the governor of Manexico given out of gratitude, w-we thought it'd be rude to simply discard it!"

"Is that so?" he asked, smirking as Luna's blush deepened. "A gift from the Governor of Manexico... So, does he have a name?"

"... Señor Bubbles."

Caramel exploded in laughter. Señor Bubbles. The ruler of the moon, maiden of the night and monarch of one of the largest nations in the world had a plush whale called Señor Bubbles. How could he not laugh? And to think, she'd once made fun of him for keeping a teddy bear in his room. It was simply fantastic. One of the strongest rulers ever known who'd once swallowed up the whole world in eternal night slept with a giant, fluffy whale. Oh, by the gods it hurt to laugh, but at the same time it felt so indescribably good. Once again he gave praise to Luna for saving his sorry hide.

"Well," said Luna, turning and walking briskly towards the door. "If thou art quite done laughing at our personal life, we believe that there are some very worried mares inclined to see you." she snapped, lifting 'Señor Bubbles' into the air with her magic and tucking away beneath the bed.

Six mares? Of course, how could he forget! He'd just left Applejack standing there in the middle of Canterlot Castle Gardens! He knew a moment of guilt for forgetting about them all so easily. He didn't doubt that most of them would be worried sick (save for Rainbow Dash, whom he'd wager was jumping for joy. Stupid pegasus).

As Luna cracked the door open, several ponies came barging through with Pinkie Pie at the lead. She sprang onto the bed with unmatched enthusiasm and swallowed him up in a hug. His aching body screamed in disapproval. This whole 'hug the changeling' thing was getting kind of old. It didn't help when three other furry bodies added themselves to the pile. A small peephole in the pile of ponies allowed him a view of Applejack. She stood by the doorway, the rim of her hat pulled down firmly over her eyes.

Finally the tangle of bodies disbanded to allow Caramel a chance to breathe, which he was more than a little grateful for. However he had little time to enjoy it, since Rarity, Twilight, Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie practically blasted him with questions as soon as they had the chance. Rainbow Dash resigned to hang above, floating lazily in mid-air. Caramel couldn't help but smile when he felt a small twinge of relief drift from her.

"What happened to you?"

"Are you alright?"

"We were so worried!"

"How many hooves am I holding up?"

Caramel looked over the heads of the four mares to glance at Applejack. He caught her looking back at him and noticed how bloodshot and glassy her eyes were. Rarity caught his longing glance towards Applejack and smiled knowingly, subtly suggesting to her friends that they give the two some 'alone time' as she put it.

They filed out of the room, Rarity sparing a reassuring wink in his direction before disappearing around the corner. To his surprise, Rainbow Dash actually hovered down to his level to give him a grudging "I'm glad you're okay, I guess..." before zipping through the door.

An awkward silence fell over the room. Applejack had made her way to the side of the bed and was eyeing him uncertainly. A plethora of emotions poured out of her. Rage, fear, happiness, relief, it all mixed together into a strange blend of love and hate. Caramel dared to break the silence.

"I'm sorry."

Applejack creased her brow, silently urging him to continue.

"I don't think your idea of a perfect night out includes your date puking up on the floor."

"Well, I'll give ya this, ya can certainly make a gal's night a whole lot more interestin'."

He smirked. "Well if that's how you feel then maybe I should try to get poisoned more often."

"Don't joke about this." she said with a sudden sternness. She lifted her hat to look him dead in the eyes. She was a wreck. Her eyes were red and raw from crying, and her mane was fussed and dishevelled. The sight of her welled both sympathy as well as a shameful pride within Caramel. "Ya almost died back there, an' all Ah could do was watch. D'ya have any idea how bad that makes me feel? Ah..." a pause, followed by a hefty sigh. "Ah dunno. Just try not to die any time soon, okay?"

Summoning up the will to raise a foreleg, he draped a hoof over of her shoulders. There was a familiar warmth there, one he'd known through many a night, and longed for now. It shattered when he noticed just how discomforting she found the contact. She didn't mean to show it, but he could feel her urge to reel away from him in disgust, as if he were some kind of spider. He let his hoof slough away from her shoulder. So. She still saw him as if he were a monster. The realisation was a knife to his gut. He'd risked his life by revealing himself, endured the ramblings of Pinkie Pie and Rarity, got himself poisoned and paraded around Canterlot Castle in his true form, vomiting and bleeding from the ears as he did. He'd always accepted Applejack as stubborn, but this was cruelly so.

"What's wrong?" she asked suddenly, picking up on the distain written so plainly across his face. Caramel cursed himself as an idiot for showing his anger so freely.

"Oh, nothing." he answered far too politely. Applejack picked apart the lie almost instantly.

"Y'know if something's wrong-"

"What am I to you?" the words came out too fast for him to stop them. Applejack recoiled from the sharpness in his voice.

"'S'cuse me?"

"When you look at me, what do you see?"

"Look, ah don't very much like your tone," she said defensively. "So how's about you-"

"Don't play stupid!" he snapped with a ferocity that surprised even him. "You think I can't feel that, don't you, those little slivers of disgust? That insatiable urge to just squash me underhoof like I was some sort of bug? I'm a changeling, Applejack. I can taste your emotions, for Celestia's sake."

Her face hardened into stoicism. "Ah don't know what you're talkin' about."
Applejack had always been a terrible liar.

"So what is it that puts you off, huh? Is it the wings? All the chitin? Oh, I know, maybe it's my soulless fucking eyes!" he was yelling now, not that he noticed. "How's about you look into those eyes. Come on, look me in the eye, and tell me what you find so gods-damned repulsive!"

She looked him in the eye.

"You're a changelin'. Ah can't just forget about that. Ah can't just forget 'bout all that trouble at the wedding, an' ah can't just forget 'bout what you are. It may sound a mite cruel but, well, you're a thief by nature. You know that as well as ah do."

Caramel winced. Her words cut down to the bone. A thief by nature. The accusation was a stake of driven through his heart. A thief by bloody nature. Was that truly what she thought of him as? A parasite who viewed her as little more than a fat water-skin? His fury bubbled and simmered inside him, threatening to gush forth any instant. "Leave." he said, desperately trying to hide the malice in his voice.

"Now hold on there, we ain't even-"

"You all think you're so fricking perfect, don't you?" the words blurted out of his mouth before he could stop them. "You and your friends and all of these other damned Equestrians. You stand there and brand me a liar... If only you knew what I knew."

Applejack tensed, obviously uncomfortable. "What're ya gettin' at?"

"Do you have any idea what it's like to feel emotions? Let me give you a hint; it's enlightening. You see past all of those smiling masks you Equestrians wear and get a good look at the greedy beast beneath." he felt a humourless grin crawl its way across his face. "Here, let me fill you in.

"That Carrot Top mare you like chatting to when you drop by the market? Hates your guts. She's taken to loathing you ever since your brother turned her down. Ditzy Doo- y'know, that mare with the funny eyes who delivers all your mail? She's so depressed that it's a miracle that she hasn't offed herself already. Oh, and Applebloom's substitute teacher? He has feelings towards her that are... Less than wholesome." He propped himself up upon a foreleg so he could glare at her- she looked mortified. Good.
"Or how about your friends? Everypony always seems to paint them as the perfect little ponies they pretend to be... If only they knew. Rarity is as about as self-righteous as a pony can get, Rainbow Dash is so afraid of everything that she has to cover it up with false enthusiasm, Twilight's jealous of all of you, Pinkie Pie's an emotional wreck and Fluttershy? Well, she's got more pent up hate than all of you put together.

"But you know what's the worst? The greed. It's in every one of you, even Rarity, the Element of Bloody Generosity for Chrysalis' sakes. You, your friends, the whole gods-damned town of Ponyville and even Celestia are all a bunch of gluttons. I can feel it wherever I go. The Elements of Harmony, The Crystal Heart, all possible tools of inconceivable destruction, hoarded by your kind lest anyone else have some form of empowerment. Wasn't having two entities who can raise the sun and moon at will enough for you? If only you could feel what I feel, maybe then you'd realise how disgusting it is." A chortling cough forced its way out of his lips. "You think you have the right to call me a liar? Oh please. I'm tame in comparison to the rest of you!"

He collapsed back onto the bed, sweat dappling his forehead. A sudden wariness consumed him. His body begged for sleep, not just for rest, but for an escape from the world and all its troubles.

He glanced back to Applejack and found nothing. She'd bolted out of the door as soon as he'd finished his angry little rant. Of course she had. He sighed, once again cursed himself as an idiot, and slept.

"You smell of alcohol." his father observed coldly.

A jumbled slur of an apology gushed out of his mouth. His old man shot it down with a single, tired sigh.
"Gods dammit... You've gone and drank away what Daejin's paid you again, haven't you?"

Shamefully, he turned away from his dad. The old changeling's beady eyes had a way of picking at him which he had always disliked. Right now they were dull with the disappointment only a parent could harbour. It shamed him to no end.

"I didn't raise you like this." his father looked upon him solemnly, led there on the ground. He curled himself up tighter, hoping that it'd somehow help him escape his dad's cutting words. "I didn't raise you like this," he said once again, the sorrow and disappointment weighing down on his words like lead. "And you should know better."

He offered his father a drunken, apologetic groan. His father replied with another of his weary sighs, and turned to leave, stopping in the doorway for a final, lasting glance at his son. "The Queen's soldiers shall be stopping by in a few days time to recruit workers for the hive. Make of that what you will."

"Caramel."

He yawned as he slowly awoke, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. The first thing he noticed was that he was sitting in his own bed. Somepony must have teleported him back home whilst he was sleeping. One of the Princesses, he guessed. Teleporting something over such a long distance took an admirable amount of skill, especially when that something was a sleeping changeling.
The second thing he noticed was Princess Celestia sitting at the foot of his bed, looking at Mr Jingles with a small, bemused smile.

"You know Lulu has something quite similar to this. I trust you saw it whilst residing in her chambers?"

"Señor Bubbles?"

Celestia chuckled softly. "Yes, that was what she called it. The Princess of the Night sleeps with a stuffed whale named Señor Bubbles! If only Pinkie Pie knew; she'd simply adore that. I'm quite surprised my sister didn't simply wipe your mind!" she bemusedly observed Mr Jingles for a moment longer before placing him back at the foot of Caramel's bed.
"I apologise for taking you home on such short notice. Canterlot is still up in arms about the appearance of a changeling in the Royal Palace, and I'm sure some of the servants would begin to get rather curious once they noticed that my sister had stopped sleeping in her own chambers. I hope you understand that we can't allow for the Canterlot nobility to find out that we're harbouring a changeling; we'd never hear the end of it from them."

"It's alright," he grumbled, propping himself up on his pillow. The effects of the poison were wearing off. The fire beneath his chitin had turned into a dull ache, something that he was extremely grateful for. he thought back to his argument with Applejack "I needed the comfort of my own bed, anyways."

Princess Celestia allowed herself a questioning tilt of the head, but pressed the subject no further. "I trust you know why I'm here."

Caramel nodded solemnly. Of course. The Princess couldn't simply shrug off the fact that he'd been poisoned. To be honest, he was surprised that she'd left it as long as she had. "I guess an interrogation was long since overdue."

Celestia frowned lightly. "Must you use that word? Interrogation sounds so... Cruel."

"Questionnaire?"

"Better. Now..."

Her questions ranged from the type of poison used to what Fleur and Fancy Pants had been wearing. Celestia was nothing if not thorough. Caramel contemplated lying about knowing that Fleur had been a changeling, but surmised that it would've been a useless endeavour. When you were as old as Celestia, the lies of mortals become pitifully easy to discern.

"You knew what she was, yet never thought to tell me?" Celestia's tone was somewhere between confused and disappointed. It reminded him of his father in all the wrong ways.

"I... I didn't want anypony to hurt him." he offered, painfully aware of how poor an excuse it was. He wondered, would Celestia give him a choice between going to the moon or being a statue? He'd go with the statue.

"And what if she'd come here to harm one of my little ponies, or my sister, or perhaps even myself? What then? Had it been Luna who'd been the target, then what? You've risked a great many lives through your blind patriotism, Caramel."

He couldn't find an answer for that. he'd done another changeling a favour by sparing them from capture and had been poisoned in return. It was an embarrassing situation by itself, but to have risked the lives of those around him as well as his own? He cursed himself for his lack of consideration. What if it'd been Applejack who'd been poisoned? He doubted that he could live with guilt such as that.

"Caramel," began Celestia, fixing him with a look that wasn't as much angry as it was upset. "You've risked the safety of me, my subjects, and yourself for the good of a murderer. I'd thought you would be able to see past the differences in our races and develop a trust of sorts; but now I see that you remain as stubborn as ever. I'm disappointed, Caramel. If this is how you reward my acceptance of one such as yourself in my lands..." she sighed, another painful reminder of his father's rebukes.
"I had thought I could place my trust in you. It appears that I was wrong." the disappointed mare disappeared in an instant, leaving only an angry and scorned ruler. "Therefore, I must treat you without trust. From hereon out you shall be accompanied by no less than one guard at any given time. They shall report to me on your every action and tell me of every pony you meet." she brought herself up to her full, terrifying height. "I'm disappointed, Caramel, more than you know." Caramel suppressed a shiver as Celestia swept her head down to meet him at eye level.
"Should you risk the lives of my little ponies in such a way again, then the Canterlot gardens may have a new exhibit yet."

Her horn ignited in its golden aura. "Oh, and before I forget, Luna said she'd wanted to give you a present," she said, a book appearing with a pop of magic. "Although I personally don't think you deserve it, Luna seemed intent on giving it to you." The book was tossed onto the bed, landing at Caramel's hooves.
A blinding light, a crackle of magic, and Celestia was gone.

Caramel plucked up the book and turned it around to read the cover. 'A Gentlecolt's Endeavours into the Subtle Art of Wooing Mares'. Flipping it around he scanned through the blurb. It was essentially a classy stallion's guide to picking up mares. He laughed despite himself. 'Classy' was the last word he'd use to describe himself. No, evidently he was more along the lines of 'traitorous' or 'distrustful' or just plain 'stupid'.

He exhaled, sinking further into the sheets of his bed. His covering up of the changeling assassin had been a dumb move on his part. He'd stuck his neck out for one of his own kind, not once considering why they were actually there in the first place. A stupid mistake. He should have guessed that the only reason somechangeling would come to such a dangerous place would be to either steal something or kill somechangeling. Turns out that somechangeling had been him.

He should have expected this sooner. Queen Chrysalis had moles peppered throughout Equestrian society. It was little surprise that she knew of his betrayal, and even less surprising that she'd sent one of her assassins after him. he'd known dozens of assassins during his training; in changeling culture they were revered, much like the knights of Equestria. It was they who'd seen to his training in stealth, and the Queen saw to it that they never lacked throats to cut. Traitors had been a common target of theirs ever since the changelings of the Black Shores had rebelled twenty or so years ago. Chrysalis had been paranoid of betrayal ever since.

That added a whole new array of problems to his already hectic life. Not only was he going to have to avoid detection from the local populace but trained assassins as well. A sudden guilt simmered inside of him. Hiding from his own nation's assassins... What would his mother think if she could see him now? He shuddered to think of what his father would say. He'd always been a hard changeling to impress and an easy parent to disappoint. A thousand different scenarios played out in his head, each one more horrid than the last. Perhaps he'd rage and shout at him, disown him, maybe. No, that'd never been his way. He'd simply shake his head and tell him how much of a thrice-damned disappointment he was; somehow that seemed infinitely worse.

A knock at the door roused him from bed. He was there in an instant, eager for something to take his mind off of how badly he'd screwed up. He hastily put on his disguise before throwing open the door.

"Thunderlane!"

Caramel nearly screamed in despair. How had he forgotten about Thunderlane? He'd been there at the palace the whole damned time! For the love of Chrysalis, he could've seen him change, he could know that-

"You're a changeling."

'Ah.'

Those words hammered the final nail into Caramel's coffin. He was finished. Done. Dead. He had made a stumble, and Thunderlane had picked up on it. His mind raced to find a solution. Maybe he could try to convince him otherwise? No, there was little point to that. Thunderlane knew what he saw, and he wasn't going to let himself be fooled. Scare him into silence? impossible. He was ludicrously stubborn. The Pegasus was much like Applejack in that regard...

Lure him in, grab a knife from the kitchen, open his throat and leave the body in the forest for the animals to gnaw at.

He tossed that thought away as soon as it popped into his head. His training dictated that murder was a viable option at a time like this, but killing wasn't really on his agenda. Keeping his secret wasn't worth the life of a pony... Unless that pony was Rainbow Dash. In that case, maybe.

Caramel let the weight of his failure come crashing down upon him. "Yeah, I'm a changeling." the admittance felt like a suicide. Closing his eyes, he prepared himself for the inevitable. Screams, accusations, a hoof to the side of the head-

Except none of that ever came.

"Well?" said Caramel, still expecting his friend to explode in either fright or anger any second now "Aren't you gonna rat me out to the mayor? Buck me in the face? Anything?"

Thunderlane stared at him for the longest of moments, analysing him with a thoughtful expression that seemed weirdly out of place on the Pegasus. "That depends," said Thunderlane, and to Caramel's relief he began smiling his easy, carefree smile. "Do I still have dibs on those two beers in your fridge?"

"Thunderlane, you keep this secret, and I'll get you all the beer in the world."

Author's Note

Ta-da! Surprise, I'm not dead! Just lazy. Very, very lazy.

I'll try to get the next chapter out in LESS than a quarter of a year.

The Science of Swagger *Interlude no1*

The Science of Swagger *Interlude no1*

"So... Can you climb up walls?"

"yes."

"Poop web?"

"No."

"Kill somepony and then lay eggs up their-"

"No."

Thunderlane chewed on his lip thoughtfully. Caramel sat opposite him, disguise-less, with a can of beer in his hooves. "Do you have an unusual attraction to ultraviolet light?

"... Maybe."

"Hmm."

Yet again a silence fell over the two of them. Conversation so far had turned out to be painfully awkward, just as Caramel had suspected it to be. Finding out that your friend was a giant bug-spy was a big shock for anypony. Thunderlane was simply settling into the fact that his best friend was a changeling.
That, and the two beefy, armoured ponies with spears staring at them from across the room wasn't exactly comforting.

Celestia, true to her word, had sent two guards over to his place. So far, he'd gotten naught out of either of them but their names: Wild Rain, a stallion from the Solar guard, and Silent Song, a mare from the Lunar guard. As of yet neither had really... done anything. They just stood there, watching and waiting from the corner of the room. Caramel frowned; was this what Luna and Celestia had to put up with all day? Legions of big, scary guardsponies staring at them like they might suddenly explode? They'd only been here for a couple of hours and already he was getting peeved.

A sudden poking at his belly brought his attention back to his friend. Thunderlane had reached over and was now prodding at his underside. He led back into his chair with a thoughtful hum.
"Neat?" asked Caramel, raising a brow.

"Took the words right out of my mouth."

"Right."

"..."

Caramel winced internally. Being a changeling hadn't ruined their friendship, but it sure made things a hell of a lot more awkward. He chalked it up to the Equestrian mind-set. Naturally, being herbivores, ponies were slow to trust other species. Griffons in particular due to their carnivorous diets. Lucky for him, Thunderlane was a little more accepting than your average Equestrian (Perhaps all those holidays he took to Griffonia and the Diamond Dog Provinces had a little something to do with that).

"So," said Thunderlane, sinking further into his chair. "Applejack left you?"

"I think it's more of a time out thing."

"... So she left you?"

Caramel sighed in defeat. "Yeah, pretty much. Although I don't think things are beyond repair, mind you she's making things pretty hard to fix."

"Well, you know what they say: 'Tartarus hath no fury like a mare scorned.'"

"But I've went through, like, two and a half Tartaruses worth of fury already!" Caramel moaned in exasperation. "I've been thrown out of a window, had my face pummelled, lost my marefriend, got poisoned by an assassin and threatened by the ruler of Equestria herself!" he sighed, slumping back and swigging dejectedly from his beer. "I mean c'mon, doesn't that count for anything?"

"Of course it does, she's just playing hard to get." said Thunderlane matter-of-factly. "First lesson to understanding mares: being angry just means that they want you to try harder."

"That doesn't sound very accurate."

"Trust me, I make a living off of this."

"I thought you made a living off of your job at the weather team?"

"Shut up and listen." said Thunderlane, albeit jokingly. "You see, love is like politics. You've gotta have a quick tongue, an eye for detail and most importantly," he leaned in closer to whisper to Caramel. "you've got to learn to lie."

"Lie?"

"Yes, lie." confirmed Thunderlane. "Observe. You see Silent Sing over there?" he whispered, pointing discretely to the Lunar Guardspony.

"Silent Song."

"Right. Well, *ahem* hey, Silent Song!"

Silent Song turned her head to Thunderlane, her vampiric features as always betraying no emotion. "Yes Sir?"

"Has anypony ever told you that your coat shimmers like a field of poppies beneath the waxing moonlight?" observed Thunderlane casually.

Caramel choked back laughter. 'Like a field of poppies beneath the waxing moonlight'? That sounded like something straight from a bad poem!

Silent Song said nothing, continuing to stare at Thunderlane and the changeling beside him blankly. Caramel shivered beneath her unmoving, cat-eyed glare. Those slit pupils were really off-putting. Thunderlane turned to Caramel, grinning victoriously. "See?" he said. "She wants me."

Caramel was about to berate his friend for his self-righteous antics when he noticed the smallest sliver of emotion seeping from the batpony. The taste of affection was slight, but unmistakeable. Thunderlane read the surprise written across his face as if it were a book. "Yeah, you feel that, right? You told me you guys could feel love and all that stuff, and as far as I can tell lil' Silent Song here is getting emotional."

"B-but how can you tell?" asked Caramel, staring disbelievingly at his friend.

"Little tells- a raised brow, a tiny smile, that little happy glint in her eye, everypony has different tells- oh, and in case you haven't noticed, she's totally blushing.

Caramel took another glance at Silent Song's face. By the gods, he was right! The tiny pink hue lingering in her cheeks was noticeable, expertly hidden Caramel had to admit, but noticeable nonetheless. The sudden wash of embarrassment that came over her was so strong that Caramel was surprised that that blush of hers wasn't bright enough to light up the whole room. How she kept a straight face thoughout all of this he would never know.

"That's... incredible." managed Caramel, staring shocked between Silent Song and Thunderlane.

"See, like I said, lying is key. Right Silent So-"

*Thwack*

Thunderlane had turned back to the batpony just in time to see her hoof rushing towards his face. He fell from his chair and tumbled onto the floor in a heap, clutching at his soon-to-be swollen eye and groaning in pain. Caramel leapt away from Silent song, swearing frantically.

"Lesson number two," Thunderlane moaned, rolling onto his back. "If she finds out you're lying, then you're going to suffer." he hoisted himself back onto his chair, now sporting a bright red eye. "Case in point."

Kaathe was having one of his dreams again.

It was a strange experience, to know that you were dreaming. It was like reading a book written in thoughts, pictures and sounds plucked from your head. Kaathe despised it.

The dream was an ugly, blurred thing, patched together with memories he'd sworn to forget. The screams of his mother, a figure striding from green flames, the sigh of a blade as it passed through somechangeling's throat, the racking sobs of a lover and the burn of her talons raking their way across his face. He tried to look away, but the dream was a stubborn thing, clinging to him and leeching away what scant amount of fulfilment a hit well executed gave him.

There was no screaming or thrashing as he awoke. Just a sigh of resignation and the taste of blood in his mouth. He raised a hoof to touch his ruined cheek and was met with the same sting as always. The scar was bleeding again. Fabulous.

The fire they'd started was still burning strong. Frauk still slept, splayed out on his bedroll and snoring loudly. He was led on his belly with his head lying on the ground, his engraved teeth digging into the dirt.

Kaathe smiled.
When he'd first found him huddled at the foot of the palace, begging for money, Frauk had been a broken changeling. No coin, no loved ones, just the rags on his back and a mind shredded by drug abuse. Begging on the palace grounds was punishable by public hanging, but something about the humungous changeling had stayed Kaathe's hoof. Beyond all of that sickness and pain and drug abuse was a changeling. A strong changeling. One who'd been willing to drag himself from the Black Shores all the way to the Royal City just so he'd have better chances at finding a generous soul. A changeling who, by what he'd told him, wasn't afraid to take the life of anychangeling, not even the ones he loved.
A changeling who could be trained.

He'd taken Frauk in, fed him, introduced him to the Church of All, and taught him how to kill. When he finally presented him to the Queen she had been overwhelmed with joy. Kaathe had taken a ruined changeling and fashioned him into a weapon.

If there was anything in his disjointed life that Kaathe was proud of, it was Frauk.

Frauk's eyelids fluttered open. The seal of Kor had been carved delicately into the surface of each eye, the work of a truly masterful runeforger. His ears twitched as they caught some distant sound.
"Somepony's coming."

Their disguises were on in an instant. They'd taken on the form of a pair of weary siblings on a camping trip, Kaathe being the sister and Frauk the brother. They'd spent their time travelling revising and fleshing out their backstories. Kaathe could recall his in an instant. Cherry Pop. Lived in Manehatten, 17th Hoover's street, worked in the soda industry, had a cat named Winston and was a single mother who'd just lost her only child to fever. She'd gone camping with her brother to try to forget.

The mare who came striding through the hedges was an earth pony. Good. If worse came to worse, she wouldn't be able to outrun them, and ponies had a nasty habit of going missing in the forest.

She had a light, tannish coat and a mane comprising of purple and navy blue. Her flank bore one of those vile sweets that Equestrians loved to feed to their children.

"It's a nice night." she said, staring at them both expectantly.

"Too warm for my tastes." answered Kaathe.

The three changelings bowed in greeting before dropping their disguises. The newcomer swaggered up to the fire and made a seat for herself beside Kaathe, looking him over with a small, devious smile.
"Well well well, Chrysalis' finest! I'm surprised. A rogue spy is no trivial matter, but hardly justifies the use of assassins of your calibre." she said. Her features suggested that she was from the Black Shores- large eyes, elongated fangs, a pleasant fullness to her face- but her accent was completely Equestrian.

"You know who we are?" said Frauk. Kaathe smiled. Hearing Frauk speak to another changeling of his Black Shores ilk highlighted the small scraps of accent that still clung resolutely to his tongue. The harsh spitting of his Ks and growling of his Rs seemed all too apparent in comparison to the impressively tamed speech of the changeling mare.

"Well of course I know who you are, there isn't a changeling on Her Majesty's Secret Service who hasn't heard of the exploits of the noble Ser Frauk and Kaathe. Why, when I was a child, changelings spoke of you two as the stuff of legend!"

"So," replied Kaathe, smirking. "how does it feel to meet a legend?"

She shrugged, diverting her eyes to the crackling fire. "I'd imagined you'd be taller, though that scar of yours is unmistakable."

Kaathe let a small giggle slip from his lips, He liked a changeling with a little fire in her belly. Frauk, on the other hoof, was quite the opposite. He glared down his muzzle at her, silently challenging her to throw a quip at him. Wisely, she focused herself entirely on Kaathe.

"I suppose I should get down to business, shouldn't I?" she said, shuffling uncomfortably under Frauk's iron stare. "Well, he's not dead."

Kaathe's smile fell from his face. "What?"

"The spy, he isn't dead." she shrugged listlessly. "I'm surprised as you are, honest. I watched him go down, puking and all the like. By all rights he should be stone cold. Then Princess Luna slam-dunked a lemon into his mouth, teleported him off to gods know where and the next thing I know he's back home. I saw him with my own two eyes, opening his door to that Pegasus friend of his."

He cursed himself blind. Lemons. Of course there would be lemons somewhere. Of course the princess would know the cure to skeltgrass. Of course she be able to apply it before the poison worked its way too far into his bloodstream. Of course. Why hadn't he thought of it before? to merely comb the castle for lemons wouldn't have at all been difficult, and to be honest, he'd done far stranger things in service of the crown. It was a rookie mistake, a mistake that he simply didn't make!

... A mistake that he didn't make... What if-

"I told you we should've used more poison." Frauk's gruff voice tore through his train of thought. He sighed, and tiredly shook his head. "'Less poison, more time to escape' you said. Well, look at the fine mess you've made now. the spy's still alive, and chances are those pony Princesses stuck a guard or two on him."

"Two guards," cut in the mare, cringing at the look she received from Frauk. "One lunar, one solar. I saw them slip in to his house last night, when they thought nopony was looking."

Kaathe stored the little nugget of information away for later. A pair of guards were the least of their problems. Now that the spy knew that they were after him, he was going to become a lot more suspicious. And a suspicious spy often proved to be very hard to fool. Kaathe had asked around the hive about the target. Skilled at changing, got top marks for infiltration and stealth and had received the best training that Her Majesty had to offer when it came to evasion. He failed utterly in combat training, although in Kaathe's experience you didn't have to be skilled with a blade to put one in somechangeling's back. It was all a recipe for a changeling who'd prove notoriously hard to kill.
But if he had truly survived their first attack, wouldn't that mean that- no. Mind off of mysteries, back on the mission.

"Well, that's all I've got." said the mare, getting back to her hooves and throwing on her disguise. "I'd love to stay and chat but I promised my wife I'd be only be gone the weekend." she bowed her head to the both of them before trotting back into the forest, stopping herself at the edge of the fire's loam to look back over her shoulder. "Do me a favour and make it quick for the lad, would you? He's the only one other than me who can put up with my wife's more... obsessive tendencies."

She melded into the night, leaving the two assassins alone by their fire. Frauk sighed heavily, shaking his head and sinking back into his bedroll. "I told you we should've used more poison." he said crossly. rolling onto his side, facing away from Kaathe. "This is a fine mess you've made, Kaathe..." he yawned. "We'll off the spy in the morning and then get out of this bloody country once and for all. I'm sick of all this green grass and these pretty little ponies." he yawned again, slowly fading away into sleep. "A fine mess..."

Kaathe offered nothing but a grunt of acknowledgement. Aye, more poison would've got the job done, although that didn't make their failure any less perplexing. He'd spoken to the one who lived within the emerald flames, and he had granted him his favour. The Spirit of Death had gave him permission to take the life of one of Yara's children, yet stubbornly he refused to except whom Kaathe had offered. That poison should have claimed the spy's life, but the actions of Kor- something the more close-minded discarded as mere luck- had saved him from death.
The message was becoming more and more clear by the second.

Kor had given Kaathe his favour, he wanted someone dead-
But it wasn't the spy.

The Potency of Poetry Part 1

“Remember, pal; you need any help with Applejack, just call my name and I’ll come running.” Assured Thunderlane, still holding a bag of ice to his sore, black eye.

“You can bet I will,” lied Caramel, slapping his friend on the shoulder. “I’ll see you around.”

Thunderlane offered one last reassuring smile before flying off into the bright, early morning sky. Caramel couldn’t help but laugh. Thunderlane’s ‘tips’ had been… interesting to say the least. The pegasus had, in order:
Taken a critical eye to his wardrobe, berating him for his lack of denim.
Presented him with a pair of aviator sunglasses to 'make him look awesomerer'.
Suggested growing a moustache to give him a more ‘stallion-y’ appearance.
Gave him a crash course in kissing which he wasn’t going to talk about to anypony. Ever. EVER.
Taught him several workouts to “Beef up those string beans you call legs.”
And gave him his entire written repertoire of pick-up lines. Caramel had managed to get through two pages before taking a cold shower.

Ponies were weird.

All in all, Thunderlane had been of little help- unless Caramel counted the entertainment value, that is. Thunderlane's first attempt on Silent Song's affections hadn't been the last. On the contrary, he'd spent the rest of the night trying to woo her.
That ended about as well as you'd expect.

Seriously, how did that guy get so much attention from Ponyville's mares? Caramel put it up to good looks and that sleek smile of his. That, and Thunderlane's job was an extremely physical one. Only a blind mare or a lesbian could tear their eyes away from wings as chiselled as that.

He closed the door and sat down patiently in the living room, awaiting the knock on his door. Today was Twilight's turn, and you know what? He felt up for it. Maybe it had something to do with Thunderlane's encouragement, or maybe he'd just hit rock bottom and knew that the only way to go from here was up. Either way, he was ready.

"Sir?"

Caramel nearly jumped in surprise. The damned Solar Guard had been standing so still that he hadn't even noticed he was there. Moreover this was one of the first things that Wild Rain had actually said to him so far.
"Yeah?"

"The private was curious as to whether you were intending on using Mr. Thunderlane's advice, Sir." said the guard, a slight smile playing across his lips.

"And why would that be?"

"Sir, it's bad advice Sir."

Caramel barked in laughter. When Celestia had said she'd have a pair of guards watching over him, he'd been distraught. Then again, his experience with guards was limited to those from The Hive, and they weren't exactly what he'd call 'kind'. These two, it seemed, wouldn't prove nearly as taxing as he thought they would. On the contrary, Wild Rain had just proved himself to be possible friend material!

"Yeah, I don't know why mares seem to love him so much, but it definitely isn't because of his poetic pick up lines..." the written list that Thunderlane had given him clawed its way back to the forefront of his mind. Caramel shivered. "You know what? I'm gonna go and take another shower. Answer the door if Twilight comes knocking, would you?"

"Yes Sir."

Caramel briefly played with the idea of telling Wild Rain to drop all the 'yes sir, no sir' malarkey, but decided better of it. He'd spent his entire life bending his knees. First to his father, then to Master Daejin the Runeforger, and then to Queen Chrysalis. When your life consisted of following orders, It felt good to be addressed with a little authority every now and then.

The rest of the morning passed rather slowly. He showered, chatted with Wild Rain and tried to chat with Silent Song. He constantly checked the front door for signs of Twilight or glanced at the clock on his wall. She should be here by now. He gave his clock one last look before deciding to just head out to Twilight's treehouse himself.

The bad news: the guards had to follow him.

Caramel had thought up an excuse to give to everypony beforehand. There'd been an attempt on his life and the Equestrian Guard insisted that he keep at least two of their own by his side at all times. Luna had even been enough of a bro to put his little cover up story in the second page of the Canterlot Daily, legitimising his lie. It paid to have friends in high places.

Caramel adjusted his disguise with a black eye and a recently-bandaged cut on his foreleg. If he was going to be playing the act of a near murder victim, he may as well look the part.

Sufficed that he looked pathetic enough, Caramel grabbed his saddlebags from the closet and set off towards Twilight's, His two bodyguards shadowing him. Caramel didn't fail to notice Silent Song's slight hesitation before stepping into the sunlight. He'd heard rumors that the Lunar Guards had an aversion to sunlight, and judging from Silent Song's grimace, there was a hint of truth to them.

"Hey Song, you okay?" he asked.

"Fine, Sir." She said emotionlessly. Caramel noticed the small hint of an accent on her voice.

"Well, you don't look too fine to me. What's up with your eyes? You're squinting."

"I..." she sighed, glaring at the ground. "Batponies have trouble seeing during the day, Sir. The light's too intense." her words were tainted with humility. Caramel scratched his chin thoughtfully before slipping back inside momentarily and grabbing the pair of aviators which Thunderlane had given him.

"Here, maybe these'll help." he said as he set the sunglasses on Silent Song's face. Wild Rain immediately began snickering, and Caramel couldn't blame him. Silent Song looked nothing short of hilarious.

"A-are those Neigh Bans, Sir?" asked Wild Rain, barely containing his laughter.

"Only the best for my bat-buddy."

Wild Rain exploded in laughter, Caramel very nearly following in suit. Silent song gave an offended huff before tearing the sunglasses from her face and thrusting them into Caramel's forelegs.
"Thank you, Sir, but I think I'll be just fine without these!" she snapped before curtly trotting ahead.

"Watch out for the post bo-"

*CRASH*

Silent Song trudged back to Caramel, a letter hanging behind her ear. Caramel plucked it from her head and placed it in his saddlebags to read later, much to Wild Rain's amusement. She wordlessly snatched the aviators from Caramel and grudgingly placed them back on her face.

Wild Rain quickly sobered up from his laughing fit, wiped the tears from his eyes and fell in beside Caramel as they made their way towards Twilights treehouse.

"Gee," said Caramel to Wild Rain. "What's up with her?"

"Nothin' really, Sir. She just gets kinda aggressive when she makes a fool of herself. She doesn't really get jokes... Or laughing... Or Smiling."

Caramel frowned. "Sounds pretty grim."

Wild Rain shrugged. "Well, she is a Lunar Guard. They aren't exactly renowned for their humour, Sir."

"Huh..." Caramel watched Silent Song move in front of them. Everything down to her walk was honed to an organised perfection. Her armour was polished, her hooves were trimmed, and Caramel had no doubt that the sword swinging at her side had been sharpened to a razor edge. There was a stony resolve to her otherwise emotionless face- the cold determination of a true soldier.
'That mare cares only for her job.'

He'd met his fair share of her kind before; spies, assassins, poison-brewers... Queen Chrysalis had made certain that every last member of her Secret Service was dedicated entirely to their profession. He'd been the same once. When somechangeling cuts off all of your connections to the outside world, your training quickly becomes the centre of your universe.

"So what's that accent she's sporting?" he asked.

"She's from Stalliongrad." Wild Rain eyed Caramel inquisitively. "I don't mean to pry Sir, but you're taking an awful lot of interest in Sergeant Silent Song."

Caramel shrugged. "Call it an insatiable curiosity." In truth, he'd spent so long learning everything there was to know about everypony around him that it'd become a habit of sorts. Just because he'd stopped being a spy doesn't mean that he simply forgot all of those gruelling training sessions he'd had to go through to get here in the first place.

The rest of the trip passed in silence. It was a beautiful day, and Caramel could feel it in the other ponies around him. Love and happiness radiated through the air. Caramel drank deeply from it, and filled his stomach. Equestrians had a strange sort of love for the sun that he simply couldn't wrap his head around. Some ponies even took it upon themselves to go on 'holidays': long periods of time wherein a pony would go to the beach and lay motionless beneath the sunlight.
As far as Caramel could tell, it was kind of like a hibernation thing- Equestrians would wait for winter and then temporarily move to somewhere warmer, like the Minotaur Kingdom or Zebrica. It was like the whole of Equestria had this weird obsession with 'sunbathing'.

He wasn't complaining, of course. The warm, sunny weather meant that Ponyville was bristling with love. There was so much love filling the air that he could gorge himself recklessly and nopony would even notice that it was gone. When the sun was out, Equestria became a virtually endless food source.
On retrospect, he should have disguised himself as holiday broker.

Notes.

So many notes.

And so many notes could only mean one thing.

Twilight was getting a visitor.

As Spike well knew, Twilight Sparkle was a creature of protocol. She actually had a massive notepad under her bed which was simply labelled 'Protocol'. Its contents could only be described as disturbing.

Nutrition tab, section two, preparation: Hungry? Consult the cook book and select one option. Avoid dairy products for yourself and excessive pastries/candy for Spike. Cooking equipment is located in the cupboard next to the fridge, and various utensils are stored in the draw next to the sink.

Time management tab, section one, waking up on time: When referring to the alarm clock, set time between five and seven AM in order to meet current requirements. Ignore the snooze button. Don't wake up Spike until nine. Alarm clock instructions can be found in the bedside cabinet.

Entertainment tab, section four, entertaining your friends during sleepover: Due to the destructive nature of the last attempted sleep over, take extensive safety precautions to avoid injury and/or death. Don't bunk Applejack and Rarity together, and for the love of Celestia, don't allow Pinkie Pie near any sharp objects. As for matters of entertainment you can either-
A: Initiate spin the bottle.
B: Refer to joke book.
C: Discuss favourite musicians, authors, directors or current crushes. Refer to the Hobbies tab for further information.
D: Begin a pillow fight. Avoid this option if Pinkie Pie is involved; bloodstains are hard to remove.

Emergency tab, section six, allergies: Avoid any and all dairy products. Consumption of lactose shall cause both stomach pains and flatulence. Effects minor, but irritating.
Avoid wasp stings. Symptoms may include swelling of throat and mouth, followed by loss of consciousness. in the event of being stung, relocate to the local hospital and acquire immediate medical assistance.

There was four hundred pages of the stuff. Twilight had made him read it from cover to cover, just in case..

The thing about Twilight was that she didn't really understand the whole 'social norms' thing. She needed her Big Book of Protocol because for Twilight there was no 'winging it' or 'going with the flow'. Everything had to be organised and solvable via flowchart and/or manual, because to her there was no other way.
Unbeknownst to many of her friends, Twilight had a legitimate case of OCPD. Everything had to be kept neat, and everything had to be kept in place-
And when somepony throws a spanner into the works, she tended to have... trouble dealing with it.

She had sections in her beloved Protocol Book dedicated to visitors from various places around the world, from minotaurs to Saddle Arabians, but she didn't have anything on changelings.
Sure, she had instructions on capture and detainment, interrogation methods and proper prisoner management, but she had yet to create a section on how to properly greet/offer your hospitality to a race of otherwise hostile insectoid ponies.

Henceforth, this happened.

A horde of sticky notes clung to the table where Twilight sat half-buried beneath a mountain of books. A notepad hovered in the air behind her, a quill scribbling down notes furiously whilst she flipped through the pages. Every now and then she'd snap a book shut, only to snatch up another from the pile.

Spike sighed, brought his mug of morning coffee to his mouth, and drank.
Today was going to be one of those days.

"Morning, Twi."

"SPIKE!" Twilight exclaimed, the book hovering in front of her disappearing with a 'pop'. "It's... It's not what it looks like!"

Spike drained his cup of coffee. "Really? Because it looks like somepony is flipping out over a simple visit." Twilight stared at him like a foal caught with a hoof in the cookie jar.

"Spike please, you've got to understand that this isn't just any visit! This is a mission from Princess Celestia herself! It's of the upmost importance that I get this right. Plus there's so much unaccounted for! I mean, I know virtually nothing about Mr. Caramel's culture, what if I do something to offend him?"

Spike shrugged. "I wouldn't worry about it, he seems pretty cool."

"W-well what if I feed him the wrong things? For all I know those cupcakes you baked for us could be poisonous to changelings!"

"Where are those things, anyways?"

"I had to dispose of them. Risk of a biohazard and all tha-" Twilight slapped a hoof to her mouth abruptly. Too late.

"You threw my cupcakes in the trash?" asked Spike.

"Sorry."

"Ugh!" Spike pinched the bridge of is nose and growled in frustration. "Couldn't you've just, oh I don't know, used a decontamination spell or something?"

"B-but what if one of the ingredients were poi-"

"Just..." Spike sighed again. It was halfway through the morning and he was already tired. "Just put away the books, brush your mane and have a shower. You kind of stink."

"But what about-"

"No ifs, no buts. If something out of the ordinary happens, we'll just roll with it, you know, like everypony else in the entire world does?"

Twilight opened her mouth to argue but a firm glare from Spike forced it shut again. Begrudged she trod off towards the bathroom with the look of a scolded foal across her face. It was a sad day when a baby dragon had to tell a national hero and certified genius when to wash themselves.
He glanced at the clock. "Hey Twilight, weren't you supposed be at Caramel's place by nine?"

Twilight looked at the clock and screamed.

Spike could only sigh, raise his coffee to his mouth, and swig deeply. Yep, one of those days.

"You look confused."

"Sir... That's a tree Sir." said Wild Rain, staring at the Golden Oaks Library disbelievingly.

Caramel smiled. His reaction had been one of the same the first time round. A library inside a tree, it'd seemed so laughably stupid that he'd nearly cackled his ass off. Why would somepony put a library in such an odd place? How did the tree stay alive when it was hollowed out? Why was the rest of Ponyville so damned oblivious to how full-on strange it was?
Because ponies were weird, that's why.

"Come on Wild Rain," said Caramel, beckoning his guard. "If you think the library is weird just wait until you get a look at the owner."

As if on cue, the door burst open, and Twilight Sparkle emerged in a blur of purple. She sped through the doorway, past Silent Song and Wild Rain, only to come face to face with Caramel-

Or rather, head to muzzle.

*CRUNCH*

Caramel glared quietly at the fang. The little pointed tooth just hated the idea of staying in his mouth, didn't it? First Applejack's beat down, then the incident with the door and now this.
He should really think about investing in a good dentist, if there were any willing to work with a changeling, that is.

"Sorry." said Twilight for the eight-thousandth time. A bandage was wrapped around her horn where his fang had lodged itself in the appendage. Luckily, the cut beneath all of those bandages was a relatively small one.

"It's okay, really." repeated Caramel, tonguing the new gap in his gums. Twilight had been nice enough to allow him access to her medicine box, the painkillers he took stopping the pain from overwhelming him entirely. He was lucky that Twilight's impromptu head-butt hadn't stripped him of his disguise. Being exposed in the middle of Ponyville wasn't something that would bode well for him.

"Yeah well, I'm still sorry." her eyes flicked to the dislodged fang. "You know I could fix it for you if you wanted me to!"

Before Caramel cold respond, Twilight lit up her horn and shot a beam of purple energy at Caramel's mouth. To both their surprise, the shot went wide, deflected off of a window, passed between Silent Songs legs, pinged off of the surface of Wild Rain's armour and struck a cupboard, which promptly exploded in a shower of splinters and cutlery.

Caramel stared at the wreckage that could've been his head. "How about no, Twilight."

"Sorry!" yelped Twilight, promptly blowing out the small flame that lingered at the tip of her horn. "The uh, well, head-on collision must've destabilised my horn. It's a common hindrance to unicorns who've recently suffered head trauma. Complex spells tend to get kind of iffy when that happens."

"Right." said Caramel, eyeing Twilight's horn nervously. "Maybe we should lay off the magic for now."

"Right, sorry."

"No need to apologise."

"Sorry."

Leaning against a wall, an exhausted Spike slapped a hand to his face in resignation.

Twilight shuffled nervously on her hooves before glancing towards the two guards. "So these are your guards? Princess Celestia told me she was assigning you some of her best." she said, putting on her best smile.
Caramel caught the small burst of pride that played across Wild Rain's emotions.

"But why is that batpony wearing sunglasses?"

Caramel snickered to himself as Silent Song hastily removed the sunglasses and slipped them into a compartment in her armour. "M-my eyes are sensitive to the sunlight, Ma'am."

""Right... Well, do you guys want so tea or something?"

Wild Rain opened his mouth to say yes, but Silent Song beat him to the punch. "No thank you, ma'am. Officers of the guard aren't permitted to eat or drink on duty. Right Wild Rain?"

Wild Rain rolled his eyes, nodding.

"Oh, okay. Caramel?"

"Yes please."

Twilight smiled and zipped to the kitchen. She looked a wreck. The dark bags under her eyes, the dishevelled mane, the BO, all combined to give the unicorn an abnormally withered appearance. And all of these sticky notes... It was no secret that Twilight Sparkle was rather passionate when it came to research and planning, but this? This was over the line. The surface of the table he sat at was swathed in notes, notebooks, and a variety of other note-recording appliances.
Twilight Sparkle liked notes. She liked them a lot.

Her habit of recording any and all things beneath Celestia's sun had actually worked to his advantage in a multitude of ways. She kept the letters Celestia wrote to her hidden in a safe at the back of her closet. Slipping into the library at night had been easy, and cracking the four-digit code of the safe (1138) had been even easier. Equestrians were skilled at many things, but constructing decent security equipment was not one of them. Of course he'd meant to tell Twilight about his midnight intrusions-he'd turned over a new leaf, after all-but, well...
Caramel glanced back at the smouldering remains of the cupboard.

Maybe he'd wait for a less hectic moment to tell her.

"So," said Twilight, placing a cup of tea in front of Caramel and seating herself. "as you well know I've been tasked with repairing the relationship between you and my dear friend Applejack." she spoke astutely, grabbing a nearby stack of paper and laying it neatly in front of her.
"After much research I've devised a solution that should prove both effective and romantic, having seen much use in Equestrian society and earning itself a place as one of Equestria's most revered art forms-"

"Are you reading from a script?" asked Caramel disbelievingly. Twilight's eyes had been trailing back and forth across the papers she'd placed in front of her.

"N-no!"

He leaned back in his chair and raised a brow at Twilight, patiently awaiting the truth.

"Maybe..."

"That's... Kind of unusual."

"Well I'm sorry for trying to keep my presentation organised!" she snapped suddenly. The regret was written across her face the moment the words left her mouth. "Sorry. Again. I just get a little cranky when I don't sleep for a while."

Caramel gave the unicorn a closer look. Her eyes were rimmed red, and her posture sagged wearily. "Twilight," he asked. "when was the last time you used your bed?"

"Oh, I don't know," she said dismissively. "With all the research and preparations I've been doing lately I'd say maybe two, three days ago?"

"Four." said Spike, matter-of-factly.

"Four days?" exclaimed Caramel.

"Relax, I've went longer. Besides, I'm not really that-" she yawned widely. "-that tired."

"You look a mess." he said. "Seriously Twilight, four days?"

"I... I had a lot of stuff to do, I couldn't waste time sleeping!" she huffed. "Besides, it's not like I'm the only one who does it. The Royal Guard are trained to go up to an entire week without sleep, you know!"

He caught a pitying glance from Wild Rain.

"You aren't a Royal Guard, you're an overworked librarian who's going to run herself into the ground! I mean, don't you remember that incident with Applejack?" he remembered it all too well. She'd insisted that she could harvest the entire orchard by herself. By the end of the day she had tuckered herself out to such an extent that when she finally came home for dinner, she mistook Applebloom for him, and him for apple fritter.
He still had the bite marks to prove it. It had been an interesting day.

"Oh relax, it's not like I'm going to keel over and die or anything."

"No, but I'm pretty sure that stuff like this can only be bad for your health."

Twilight went to give him a dismissive wave, but was caught halfway by another yawn. "I'll be fine, seriously."

An idea popped Caramel's mind. "Well how's this for an ultimatum: I'll listen to what you have to say, but only if you take a shower first."

Twilight recoiled. "Are you saying that I stink?"

he shrugged. "Kind of. I'm gonna take a wild guess and say that you weren't able to find the time to wash, right?"

"W-well with all the study-"

"Okay. In that case, here's the offer. You take a shower, maybe comb that crazy mane of yours-"

"Hey!"

"-And I'll be the best student that I can possibly be. Sound fair?"

Twilight thought on it for a moment before agreeing and resigning to the shower. Caramel let out the breath he'd been holding. He'd known Twilight almost as long as he'd known Applejack, and if there was one thing he'd learned about the mare it was that you had to be a little stern with her a times. She had a way of going off on her own little tangents or, evidently, dedicating herself so entirely to her projects that she forgot things the more practical things in life, like food, water and hygiene.

"Hey dude?" said Spike, walking over to Caramel and planting a scaly hand on his foreleg. "Thanks. I've been trying to get her to do that for an entire day now."

He shrugged. "It's no problem, really." it wasn't. A spy had to be trained in all manner of things, including manipulation. It'd been one of his favourite studies. Every mind was its own little puzzle, each with varying difficulty. Twilight's had proved to be quite a challenge at times, to say the least.

Spike smirked. "yeah well, thanks anyways." he shuffled uneasily. "So I was wondering, could you... Y'know, show me your changeling self again?" he looked to the side, kicking at the air and blushing. "I kinda wanna see your teeth again."

Caramel smiled, morphing back into his changeling form and opening his mouth to display his teeth, minus one. Spike's eyes lit up with childish wonder as he examined his remaining fang. "Wow, they're actually a whole lot like mine." he said, reaching a hand up to his own mouth and fingering one of his viciously sharp canines. Caramel caught a small wisp of longing from the small dragon.

"Cool," he surmised. "but why do you guys need fangs? I thought you guys only ate love."

'We do, but the Changeling Empire is a dangerous place filled with dangerous creatures. When it comes to tearing out someone or something's throat, a pair of sharp gnashers becomes invaluable.' he spared Spike the dark details and shrugged.
"Meh, who knows? At least they look cool."

They spoke for a while longer before Twilight finished showering and came trotting back into the room. Say what you would about Twilight; at least she cleans up well. Her mane had been restored to its usual, neat and organised self, and she'd rid herself of her unpleasant body odour. Sadly, there was little that they could do about the bags under her eyes, but Caramel imagined that they would go away when Twilight finally decided to get herself some shuteye.
"Happy now?" she asked haughtily.

"Very. Now, what were you saying about Equestrian art forms?"

A twinkle came to her eye when he mentioned her research. No matter what mood she was in, Twilight was always overjoyed to share knowledge. She slipped back into her chair, gathered the papers around her into an organised pile and smiled, her grumpiness completely forgotten. "Right!" she said, levitating a thick slab of a book from the shelves and slapping in in front of him. Caramel leant forward and read the cover.

"Starswirl's Big Book of Poetry?"

"Yep," answered Twilight. "Poetry has been revered as one of the purest art forms in Equestria for centuries! Ever since Starswirl the Bearded created poetry a thousand years ago, it's been all the rage. There's conventions on this stuff the whole year round! Celestia makes sure that she visits as many as possible, she's a huge poetry fan. Actually, hold on a second, I'm pretty sure that I have a photograph of her..." Twilight levitated yet another book from beneath her bed labelled 'Scrapbook' and flipped through the pages. "Check it out!" she held the book to Caramel's muzzle. A photograph of Celestia, complete with a (simply adorable) young Twilight nuzzled up next to her leg, filled the page. Behind them a banner drooped from the ceiling, reading 'Manehattan Poetry Convention'.

"Wow," said Caramel. "You weren't lying. The princess looks... enthusiastic." A pair of square reading glasses sat on her face, and her mystical hair was bunched up in a ponytail. The large, cheesy smile she wore made it obvious that she was enjoying herself immensely.
Behind him Wild Rain giggled. "So nerdy..." Caramel heard him mutter to himself before Silent Song silenced him with an elbow to the side.

Twilight giggled into her hoof. "It's funny, really. Most of the time she's so royal and grand, but whenever a poetry convention comes around it's like she turns into an excitable little filly. It's actually pretty cute, once you get past the whole 'the Eternal Ruler of Equestria is acting like a five year old on Hearths Warming Eve' thing."

"Hah!" he laughed. From what he'd gathered in the company of the Royal Sisters, they were just as much normal ponies as any other Equestrian, the only difference being a taller stature and a longer lifespan. They had their likes and dislikes, hobbies and secrets, just like everypony else.
Caramel thought back to Luna's room, and Señor Bubbles; the big, stuffed whale she kept by her pillow.

Ponies were weird, and the Royal Sisters were no exception.

"So... How am I supposed to use this?" he said, pointing towards the poetry book.

"Well, there's a new poetry convention at trottingham in a few days, and Celestia's invited me along-like she always does. Only this time she's given me permission to take a few friends as well."

"So you're idea is to get me and Applejack to watch poetry together?"

"Not exactly. You see, at the convention everypony is allowed to perform, and-"

"And you want me to give it a whirl." he finished for her.

"Exactly." she plucked a history book from her shelves and flicked through the pages. "Poetry has been a widely appraised method of declaring your love throughout history. In fact, ponies have been known to be so charmed by a poet's work that they've actually gotten married over it!" She flipped the book around and showed him the grainy, black and white picture of a heavy-set, regal looking stallion halfway through getting his brains snogged out by a particularly happy zebra mare in a wedding dress.

Twilight snorted and shook her head. "Zebras have such a way with rhymes, it's no surprise that Prince Honourbound fell for one. I wonder how Blueblood would react if he ever found out that he was part zebra." she snapped the book shut. "Anyways, the fact is that everypony loves a bit of poetry, so what better way to declare your love? It's so... Romantic!"

Caramel was a great deal less enthusiastic. "I dunno," he said uncertainly. "Applejack isn't exactly the most wordiest of mares."

"Oh, don't worry about that." replied Twilight, waving him off with a hoof. "Anypony can respect a good piece of poetry, especially when it's written about them!"

"Hold up a second, you want me to write a poem about Applejack?" Caramel frowned. Although learning the Equestrian language had been easy enough, the writing was a whole different kettle of fish. He'd been practicing Equestrian writing and reading Equestrian books for over a year now, and he still barely passed himself off as literate.

"Well, yeah!" Twilight noticed Caramel's grim expression. "Come on, anypony can do it." she reassured him. "All you have to do is find the appropriate rhymes that fit both grammatically and thematically, make sure your lines and stanzas follow a specific pattern, and incorporate one core theme plus several minor ones throughout! Oh, and you have to remember that whatever rhymes you make as well as the structure of the poem and the way it sounds could be construed by the more adept audience as a method of conveying themes and meanings."

"... Sounds like a cakewalk."

"I know, right!" answered Twilight, Caramel's sarcasm completely and utterly lost on her. "Here, I have several books dedicated to the training of poets as well as some audio recordings which-" she stopped abruptly. "Wait a second, I almost forgot to ask..."

Suddenly, Twilight lost the vigour she'd filled her voice with moments before. Awkwardly she cleared her throat, and put on what may have been the fakest smile that Caramel had ever seen. "I was wondering if you'd let me know a bit more about changelings before we get started, y'know, just to sate my curiosity?"

Caramel had never heard Twilight lie before. it stumbled off of her tongue in a way that was hilariously obvious.
He leant back in his chair and smiled. "Well that's lovely Twilight, but if you could, would you kindly tell me the truth?"

She looked to the floor, shrinking under his eyes. "I... Well... Ugh, fine! Princess Celestia has asked me to learn more about changeling-kind. She says that she's uncomfortable with you knowing everything there is to know about Equestria, but her knowing nothing about you. So she kinda sent me a letter asking me to spy on you."

Caramel's smile widened, filled with an aura of pride. Nopony spies on a spy.

He supposed that this was Celestia's way of getting him back after what happened at the Grand Galloping Gala. From their last meeting, Caramel would've guessed that she was more than a little unhappy with him. His eyes drifted towards Twilight's cherry-red, embarrassed face.
'Let's see if I can't earn my way back into Celestia's good books.'

"Well, it's not like I know any military secrets or anything, so..."

Twilight lit up with anticipation. "So you'll let me interview you?"

"We stay away from the subjects of armies, spy networks, and stuff like that, understood? Cultural and minor geographical information only."

"Of course!" Twilight already had her pen and notepad out, and was beaming in joy. "Where should we begin?"

Caramel leant forward, and took his first, long sip from his cup of tea. This was going to be a long day.

Killing with poison was a messy business.

Frauk had used it only once before, years ago on his first mission.
The rest of the world kept a blessedly large distance between themselves and the Changeling Empire-something about it being 'cursed land' and all the like. Of course, every now and then you'd get some courageous sod who wanted to dispel the rumors surrounding the Badlands, and Chrysalis couldn't have that now, could she?
He'd been a griffon senator. Forty years old, if Frauk's memory served him correctly. His... removal had been declared paramount to their nation's survival. Chrysalis had put the task upon Kaathe, and Kaathe had put it upon him.

Frauk was not stupid. He knew that the experienced assassin had meant to test him. Should he have failed to kill the senator, Kaathe would swoop in from the shadows and slit the griffon's throat instead. Although it may seem like it from time to time, Kaathe never left anything up to chance.

He'd sprinkled the senator's pillow with the pollen of a blackrose, a deadly flower found only on the small, offshore island of Volka. The death would be a peaceful one; the pollen was known to gently lull its victims into a slumber that they would never wake from.

The senator was a father, and a loving one at that. Loving enough to let his son sleep next to him whenever he had nightmares... When he had checked to see whether the poison had done its job, he'd found two bodies, instead of one.

Frauk refused to use poison ever since. Kaathe, however, was a stubborn one. "Mercy and guilt are the makings of a coward," he'd told him, and that was that.
He loved Kaathe, in a way; If it weren't for him he'd still be scrabbling in the dirt, begging for drug money. But that didn't mean that he particularly liked him. He was cold, and vicious to boot, not to mention secretive. His mind wandered back to the ring around Kaathe's horn. How anything, changeling or otherwise, could marry somechangeling like that was beyond him.

He stared off into the distance, the light of a distant town loaming over the hills in the distance. Well, Kaathe's poisons would not claim this one. No, this one, Frauk would give the mercy of the knife...

Dearest Princess Celestia,

I'm afraid that my efforts at spying have proved to be rather ineffective. Caramel more or less caught me out right off the bat. Lucky for us, he's agreed to share some of his knowledge on changelings, although he's tight-lipped about military and strategic information. Of course we could always try to interrogate it out of him, but as far as I can tell, he knows very little about anything that would give us a great tactical advantage over changelings in the battlefield. According to him, that information was withheld for reasons of national security. As for the changeling spy networks in Equestria, well, to put it rather bluntly he said that he'd prefer to die than betray his co-workers. He's quite the patriot in that respect.
On a personal note, I'm overjoyed to be given this chance, Princess. There's a whole history and culture just waiting to be unveiled, and I get to be the one who does the unveiling! I know it's a little much to ask, but do you think that I could use the information gathered from Caramel to compile a book concerning changelings? As Caramel said, he'd be staying away from anything that would prove advantageous to us when facing the changelings, so seeing as there isn't much use for these notes military-wise, I can't see all that much harm in it being released to the public.
Pleeeeeease? It could count as an early birthday present!

Anyways, due to the sheer amount of time, interviewing and overall writing that a full compilation will take, I've decided to break my notes into easily digestible 'chapters', if you will. These will be sent to you periodically, and each shall detail a different facet of changeling society. I hope you find this as fascinating as I do, Princess Celestia.

Love, Twilight Sparkle.

Part I, Concerning the Matter of Religion.

Changeling religion revolves around the worship and celebration of two idols. The first is Kor, the god of death, who rules over the mountains and deserts and all which draws not breath. He is considered many things by his worshipers; a god of rest, a governor of time, a steadfast friend to the recently departed, and a punisher of those whom he judges deserving.

The second is Yara, goddess of all that moves and bears the spark of life, Queen of food, joy and pleasure, the polar opposite of Kor. It was she who birthed the first changelings and crafted for them The Hive, wherein they flourished and grew into the Empire the changelings live in today (further expansion upon the details concerning the empire and its history shall be included in further iterations). She is a creator, and loves all of her children unconditionally, from the sinless saint to the murderous brigand. There are no exceptions. She does not punish, only reward-

But- and according to Caramel this is a rough extract from what he calls the "Truth-Runes", a collection of engravings that serve as a holy book of sorts- 'sinners be wary; for our time on this plane is short, and whilst wrongdoings may go unheeded in the realm of life, that which lies beyond shall not prove as forgiving.
Woe be upon any who have stirred the wrath of Kor, for the afterlife shall bear only the breaking of your mind and the unravelling of your soul.
Kor shall toss you, screaming and mad, into the flames of the underworld.'

A rather dark interpretation of heaven and Tartarus, if I do say so myself.

The large majority of the changeling race worship these gods, and two celebrations are held annually in their honour, each lasting a single week and being placed at two opposite ends of the year. The first is the Celebration of Sleep, dedicated to Kor. Changelings treat this as a week of rest, and share it in peace with their families.
The second is the Celebration of Day, dedicated to Yara. This is far more lively, being a week in which they celebrate the joy of living and the wonders of life. Gatherings for such celebrations are known to be colossal, consisting of thousands of changelings dancing, singing and feasting. According to Caramel, the lighting of bonfires and burning of intoxicating incense within them is something of a tradition. No swords are to be drawn nor any fights started during this week of celebration, and doing so is punishable by imprisonment.

Aside from these two weeks, changelings are also known to take Sundays off for prayer and social gatherings. This, more often than not, happens around a fire of some sort, be it a hearth or a bonfire or simply a torch. Flame is considered a representation of the two gods, seeing as it both creates light and casts shadows. It's considered bad etiquette to hold gatherings or parties of any kind without, at the very least, a candle burning.

There is, of course, far more to divulge, but I'm afraid that there's simply too much to include in a single letter. What I've been told has been fascinating, and in some respects frightening. Caramel briefly mentioned fanaticism in the far reaches of the Changeling Empire, and sorcery deeply entwined with Kor being practised someplace called 'The Dead Plains'. Not the most inviting of names, I know. He said that these fanatics upheld sacrificial methods of worship: the killing of animals, self mutilation, suicide, it all paints a tremendously grim picture, Princess. Despite Equestria supporting a myriad of different, multicultural beliefs, I don't think we've ever encountered a fanaticism this twisted before. It's as interesting as it is horrifying.

I promise that I'll have my next entry ready within the week. Hopefully Caramel will be feeling more talkative by then, I get the feeling that he's uncomfortable talking about his own kind.

Author's Note

Boom, new chapter. As always, don't be afraid to comment and leave constructive criticism, your approval means everything to me.
Everything.

The Potency of Poetry Part 2

Caramel's quill worked the letters awkwardly onto the paper. His hoofwriting was an ugly thing, even when writing in his native language. In Equestrian, well, he would have called it chicken-scratch, but to be frank that would be insulting chickens the world over.
It wasn't his fault that he wrote so poorly. Ponies were so adamant about writing from left to right, which made things rather awkward considering he'd spent most of his life writing the other way around.

He put his quill down and admired horrific handiwork. It was as if an uneducated foal had tried their hoof at writing, and then somepony bashed all of the letters out of shape. It was a hideous scrawl of twisted lines. Did he get his F upside down? He honestly couldn't tell.

"It's nice," said Twilight, looking over his shoulder. "Your writing has a lot of... character."

"Remind me why I don't just write this out in my own language again? I thought that I was going to be the only one reading this." grumbled Caramel.

"If ponies like it they're allowed to make a copy using a replicating spell, y'know, to show their friends. It wouldn't do for somepony to find out that a twentysomething year old stallion who just wrote a heartwrenching love poem can barely write his first name now, will it?"

"Couldn't you just write it for me?"

"All poems must be written by the poet unless a disability renders them unable. Inability to abide by the rules leads to immediate disqualification," stated Twilight primly. "and before you think about lying, there are very simple spells which can detect who the author truly is, and they do several background checks before allowing you to get on stage."

Caramel shook his head dumbly. "Twilight, there weren't that many security measures back at Canterlot! Don't you think that's a little bit much for a poetry convention?" asked Caramel.

Twilight shrugged. "The convention's grown a lot in popularity since Celestia became a regular attender. Trust me, they take themselves very seriously." she hoisted a pair of books into the air. "It's all here in the Tourists Guide to Trottingham and the Poetry Convention Rulebook."

A rulebook for a poetry convention? He sighed. "You keep too many books."

"*Gasp* hold your tongue!"

He clapped his mouth shut as he was told, painfully aware of how much he had overstepped the line. He wrote and re-wrote his poem in silence, careful not to anger Twilight any further.

And so it went for the two weeks. Wake up at eight, at Twilight's by nine, a quick interview and then on to the training. Twilight was many things, and thankfully a good teacher was one of them. She'd turned his writing into something so legible that he might just pass for an everyday guy with terrible hoofwriting rather than full-on illiterate. Had somepony asked how spectacularly bad his writing was beforehand on a scale from one to ten, he would've said a solid twelve. Currently, however, he'd say that he and Twilight had managed to whittle that number down to about eight, maybe even seven!

The actual poetry itself was a whole different animal. Rhymes, stanzas, syllables, it was a test of the mind, and a particularly hard one at that.

"Twilight, what rhymes with orange?"

"I dunno... Door hinge?"

Caramel thought on that for a second before shaking his head and scribbling out the verse. He'd used door hinge a couple of stanzas back. Okay, no oranges. Maybe he could replace it with something? Bright? alluring? Dark yellow-ish?
"Y'know what? I'm just gonna start over. This one wasn't turning out too well anyways." he said before crumpling the piece of paper into a ball and tossing it into the waste bin, now overflowing with sheets of failed poems.

Poetry was hard.

"Maybe you need to have another look at the examples." said Twilight, slapping her Big Book of Poetry down in front of him and flipping to the 'love' section. Caramel had already read through half of them. The thought of wading his way through the daunting second half was enough to make his head burn.

"You wouldn't happen to have any aspirin, would you?" he asked, reluctantly flipping through the poetry book. Ever since the incident with the poison, he'd been getting these headaches. Sometimes it was naught but a little heat between the ears, and other times it felt as if his brain was three times too big for his skull. What he was experiencing now was something of a halfway point between the two.

"You should really see a doctor about that." suggested Twilight, raiding through her medicine cabinet. Throughout the past couple of weeks Twilight had gained ample experience in dealing with Caramel's occasional head-pains. Needless to say, her supply of painkillers had taken a nasty hit.

"And say what?" he replied. "that I was poisoned and now I get these unstoppable headaches? What happened back in Canterlot isn't a secret, y'know. Most of Equestria knows about the changeling who nearly died at Canterlot Castle by now. I don't want to risk some doctor making a connection and blabbing to the rest of the town."

"Couldn't you just lie?"

Caramel rested a hoof against his sore head. "I'll be fine, really. All I need is a little break. And an aspirin." In truth he just really disliked undertaking medical examinations. As skilled a shapeshifter as he was, no disguise could be truly perfect. Doctors liked to take blood samples, poke around inside your ears and up your nose. A trained eye might spot something out of place, and then it'd be game over. He didn't know what would happen if his true identity became public knowledge, but he doubted that the results would be good. He imagined lynch mobs and pitch forks galore would be somewhere on the long list of results.

Twilight tossed a box of aspirin in front of him and warned him not to take too many in her mother-hen way. Caramel popped two of them into his mouth, contemplated a third, briefly thought against it, and then swallowed it anyways. They took the edge off of the pain, but did little else. He stared at the daunting, blank piece of paper in front of him, his mind farting out the occasional rhyme or smart bit of terminology and then promptly forgetting about it. It was becoming more and more evident that poetry-heck, writing wasn't his thing.

A tapping on his shoulder ripped him away from the paper. "Sir," said Wild Rain. "I don't mean to intrude on your work or anything, but you're looking pretty stumped."

Caramel let a sigh hiss through his lips. "Well, that's probably because I am." he admitted, silently wondering what had prompted his guard to finally speak. Him and Silent Song had been relatively quiet up until now. Caramel guessed that it had something to do with keeping up the 'tough soldier' appearance in front of an Element of Harmony. Always a smart idea to make good impressions on somepony on a first-name basis with your boss, he supposed.

Wild Rain smirked. "Well, I don't like spreading rumors, but word among the guard is that Silent Song knows a thing or two about-"

"Wild Rain." Silent Song spoke his name as a warning, glaring daggers at the pegasus from across the room. He held up his hooves disarmingly.
"Hey, I'm just trying to help the guy out."

"If I remember correctly, our orders were to protect him, not help him." stated Silent Song, her glare steadily narrowing.

"Exactly, and by helping him, we're protecting him from any potential embarrassment, you see? Logic!" he turned back to Caramel, smiling like a kid who'd just dropped a dog turd in his sister's horseshoe. "As I was saying Sir, Silent Song here-"

"Wild Rain I swear to Luna!"

"-is a huge fan of p-" and that was as far as he managed to get before Silent Song ploughed into him, clapping a hoof across his mouth. The two of them rolled across the floor, tumbled into a bookshelf and were buried beneath the ensuing avalanche of literature. Twilight just about had a fit there and then.
The pile shifted and churned before Wild Rain breached the surface. "Silent Song loves poe-"
"NOPONY MUST KNOW!" screamed Silent Song, exploding out of the pile in a shower of books and tackling Wild Rain into oblivion. The two scuffled briefly on the floor before the purple aura of Twilight's magic surrounded them and hoisted them apart.

"Silent Song likes poetry!" gasped Wild Rain finally.

"Lies!"

"ENOUGH!" bellowed Twilight, silencing the both of them. "Now the both of you are going to explain what's going on, apologize for wrecking my library and by Celestia, you will clean up this mess or I'll see to it that the both of you be put on janitor duty for the rest of your careers!"

Fun fact about Twilight: she doesn't like ponies messing up her library. She doesn't like it at all.

Wild Rain raised his hooves defensively. "I'm just saying that I heard from a friend of a friend that Corporal Silent Song is a big fan of poetry, sir. I just thought she might be able to help out, is all."

Twilight gave Silent Song a small shake. "Is this true, Corporal Silent Song?"

To Caramel's surprise Silent Song turned red, and hid her face behind a wing. "I... it's a good pastime. I write my own every now and then, I guess." she managed, her usually stern voice little more than a squeak. "R-romance mostly."

"You write romantic poetry?" asked Caramel.

"Now and then... like I said, just as a pastime."

Well, there's something you didn't see everyday. The batpony with the steel frown turns out to be a lover of Shakespony. Who would've thought? Although to be honest, he'd been hit with bigger bombshells. You thought Rarity's love of metal was surprising? Just wait and see what Cheerilie does for fun.
"So you could help me out with this?" he asked, gesturing towards the blank piece of paper in front of him.

"Well, uh, a true love poem comes from the heart, Sir."

Caramel rolled his eyes. "Off course it does. The only problem is that my heart sucks at wording things. So how's about we make a compromise? I say what I want to write down, and you just make sure it doesn't sound like word-vomit. That works out fine, right?"

Silent Song shifted uncomfortably, eyes darting from face to face. "I'm not sure Twilight would approve, Sir."

"Actually, yes I would." admitted Twilight. "I've been reading through a couple of Caramel's failed attempts and to put it kindly-he's completely and utterly hopeless."

"Thanks, Twilight." sighed Caramel.

"I'm sorry! You tried to rhyme adorn with bike-horn here, bike-horn!" she complained, waving a crumpled page in front of his muzzle. "The sad fact is you aren't getting anywhere, and I don't have the necessary know-how with poetry to help you. You need somepony who's got some experience, and from what Wild Rain tells us, Silent has plenty."

Silent Song's face was getting redder my the minute. "I-It's just a side hobby, really."

"A side hobby you spend hours on every evening," added Wild Rain with a roll of his eyes. Silent Song shot him a glare that could curdle milk. "What?" he defended, holding out his hooves disarmingly. "I'm just saying. I've seen you sitting in your bedroll with that little notebook of yours. Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about."

"That's a journal!"

"Oh please, I've read a couple of pages and I know for a fact that-"

"You read my journal?"

Silent Song leapt towards Wild Rain only to freeze halfway towards him, surrounded by the violet glow of Twilight's magic, her teeth bared. Twilight levitated her a safe distance away from Wild Rain and placed her on the floor, where she crossed her forelegs grumpily and glared at her partner.

"As I was saying," continued Wild Rain. "Silent song has sank a lot of time into this 'side hobby' of hers. I've caught her reading and writing all kinds of stuff. I'd even say some of it was good enough to go to print."

For a moment Silent Song's glare lessened-

"And besides, you should've heard her squee-ing when Miss Twilight here told us we were going to a convention. She's in love with the stuff."

And then it came back with a vengeance.

"Anyways," continued Wild Rain, either unaware or uncaring that Silent Song was trying to murder him with her eyes. "If you really want a helping hoof, Silent Song here is the one to ask, Sir."

"Giving a 'helping hoof' isn't in our orders, Wild Rain." spat Silent Song.

Caramel was about ready to throw himself on his knees and beg Silent Song. He was getting tired of this. Tired of writing this god's damned poem and tired of failing over and over. Was it too much to ask for just a little bit of help? A spike of pain drove itself into his head as he supressed a scream of aggravation. His headache was blooming again at the back of his skull.

"Silent Song," said Caramel, and his voice came out peppered with an anger he hadn't noticed brewing until now. "look. I'm asking for your help. Now whether or not you actually give it to me is up to you, but I think it's only fair to remind you that you're assigned to me. That means you and me are going to be spending an awful lot of time together. You're going to be sleeping in my house, eating my food and spending more or less every waking moment of your day close to me." he leaned in closer. "Don't you think things would be easier if you just help me out, make friends with me and avoid all the awkwardness that'd follow from letting me crash and burn?"

Caramel caught sight of the slight shift in Silent Song's expression from defiant to considering, and decided to push his luck. "C'mon, Wild Rain says you're pretty damned good, and I'm guessing he's telling the truth. Who knows? You might even have fun. Please?"

Silent Song frowned, contemplating. For a moment Caramel feared she wouldn't answer, until she finally asked "You won't tell anypony, will you, Sir?"

Caramel smiled and set a hoof over his heart. "I promise."

So maybe she'd been a little harsh.

It was... possible that she'd been a little bit unfair him. After the whole 'yippy-ki-yay-imma-changeling' thing, she'd been a little on edge. It'd been jarring, to say the very least. It wasn't every day that your coltfriend burst into green flames and told you he was actually a giant bug, after all. She'd actually been willing to let it slide-at least until he came about with the whole 'Oh hey, just so you know I was also spying on you for the last year or so' thing. She'd been seeing red at the time, and who wouldn't? That deserved a good hoof to the face no matter what the consequences. But now the red had faded, leaving her alone to bask in the aftermath that it had created.

She'd physically assaulted him, slammed a door in his face, dismissed something that he had obviously been working on for a good week or so just to appease her and then finally reached her crescendo at spouting some crap about how bad it was to be a changeling and then walking out on him whilst he sat there half-dead from a belly full of poison.

So yeah, like she said; maybe she'd been a little harsh.
Just a little.

Just the teeniest, tiniest- okay, so she'd bucked up good and proper. Happy now, conscience? Jeez! So maybe she shouldn't have flipped out so damned much, maybe she shouldn't have gone all Little Miss Tantrum Thrower on the guy, maybe she shouldn't have tried to explain how nasty he was right after the Princess scooped him out of a puddle of his own puke and blood, maybe she should've tried being a little nicer!
Fuck!

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!

She threw a punch at her pillow, and another, and another, all the while trying to picture her own stupid face. Stupid! She tossed another flurry of punches into her pillow before burying her face in it and groaning. So Celestia-damned stupid!

"Sis?"

"Applebloom," she grunted through her pillow. "This ain't a good time."

"Miss Twilight's at the door though..."

Applejack released a muffled groan. Twilight here could only mean one of two things: a national emergency or another scheme to get her and Caramel back together. She didn't have the energy for either, this was a Sunday, for Celestia's sakes. Couldn't the world just let her mourn over her idiocy in peace?

*Knock knock knock*

Apparently not.

She rolled out of bed and grabbed her hat from the windowsill. It was afternoon already? Hmm, time flies when you feel like shit. She looked at herself in the mirror. Messy mane. She covered it up with her trusty steston, that'd do.

*Knock knock knock*

"Hold yer horses, ah'm comin!" she growled, reluctantly dragging herself down the steps towards the door. It stood open on its hinges. The purple unicorn stood eagerly on the porch, an eager smile on her face.

"Hey Twi," she said, filling her voice with what little happiness she could muster. It wasn't much. The last few weeks had drained a lot out of her, and it was beginning to show.

Twilight, bless her, didn't seem to notice, and answered with a chipper "Hi Applejack!" she looked excited, bad news seeing as Applejack had intended to spend the rest of the day wallowing in self pity. Twilight had that determined 'Hey lets go save Ponyville from a dragon/crazy wizard/possessed emo princess' look in her eye.

Applejack put on her best smile. "Ya wanna come inside?"

"That won't be necessary, I'm just here to ask whether you'd like to come with us to the Poetry Convention!"

"... Poetry Convention?" she scrunched her nose at the thought. She'd never been one for all of that wordy hoo-haa. "I dunno Twi, I mean I got a lotta work-"

"Oh come on, please!" begged Twilight, not even bothering to let Applejack finish her sentence. "Caramel and I worked really-" she clamped her hooves over her mouth, a little too late.

"Caramel? what's he got to do with anythin'?"

"N-nothing." said Twilight, lying so poorly that it actually managed to make Applejack cringe a little. Twilight was nearly as bad at lying as her, and from the look on the unicorn's face, Applejack guessed that she knew it, too.

"Well, maybe we wrote you a poem and was going to surprise you with it at the convention..." admitted Twilight, her head drooping shamefully. It was all Applejack needed to hear.

"All right, ah'll come." she said, much to the elation of Twilight.

The two of them shared their goodbyes once Twilight had her promise not to tell Caramel that she'd let his little surprise slip. Applejack felt sick to her stomach. She walked out on her near-hospitalised coltfriend, and in response he wrote her a love poem. A firm kick to the conscience if there ever was one.

Well, this time, things were going to be different. No more "changelings are bad" or "spying is wrong" lectures, she'd given up the moral high ground required for that long ago. She'd go to this little convention thing, listen to his poem, and by Celestia, she'd be the most grateful sonofabitch he'd ever laid eyes on!

Celestia glanced towards her calendar and beamed. It was a rare occurrence in which she was allowed days off, and thankfully, today was such an event. The Trottingham Poetry Convention was one of her few annual chances to allow herself a little indulgence. She placed her round-lensed reading glasses onto the bridge of her nose as she head towards the dining hall. The chefs tended to make those delectable crepes she liked on Saturday mornings, and she reckoned a plateful of them along with a glass of orange juice would be the perfect start to the perfect day.

She slipped on her 'I :heart: poetry' shirt and made for her chamber doors. True, it lacked the air of authority that came with what she usually wore, but it'd become something of a tradition that she wear it to every convention. It was an awful lot more comfortable than the hunk of metal she hauled about around her neck on most days, and it always got a few laughs out of ponies.
She merrily opened her bedroom door and-

"Good morning, dear sister!"

Celestia reeled away from Luna as she noisily announced herself, catching a hoof on the leg of a chair and nearly tumbling over onto her plot. Luna smiled down at her cheerfully, wearing an unfittingly modest brown jacket which belonged on an Equish teacher rather than a princess.

"Luna," said Celestia, dizzily getting back to her hooves. "You caught me unawares... What are you wearing?"

Luna gave a small flourish to show off her new jacket. "Tis what we shall be wearing to the convention, of course. We told the servants to rustle up something with an air of intelligence, and we must say that they have truly outdone themselves-" she waved the back of her forelegs in Celestia's face. "-look! They have even sewn patches onto the elbows, we art most pleased!" she gave Celestia's T-shirt a quick inspection, as well as the pair of glasses on her face. "We must say, thine own 'nerd' attire is quite convincing."

"Nerd att- Luna, what are you talking about?"

"Why, the convention of course! We have decided that it is high time that we entertain other hobbies, and poetry sounds most agreeable... Not to mention that a certain 'friend' shall be dropping by as well."

Caramel. Wonderful, her favourite day of the year was getting bombed by her sister and the changeling. It wasn't that she hated either of them, but for the love of her, this was supposed to be her day off! She didn't want to have to deal with her awkward sister or the apologetic changeling today of all days.

"Sister, thou seem mad. Aren't you happy that we could find time to join thou?"

"Of course," sighed Celestia, lying. To be totally honest, the time away from her sister and all the other stuffy nobles of Canterlot was the main reason she went to these conventions in the first place. "I was just wondering who would be left in charge after we both went gallivanting off into the sunrise."

Luna gave a dismissive turn of her head. "We have left Blueblood in charge for the day, he seems capable enough."

"You what?"

"Oh relax, Tia. We have enlisted our finest advisors to keep him in line, tis perfectly safe. And besides, a taste of real responsibility would do that stallion some good."

"And the changeling?"

"Mr Caramel has taken the opportunity to display his poetic prowess! Of course Applejack shall be there too, And we most suspect that Mr Caramel has written her a declaration of love wrought with prose." Luna gave an innocent flutter of her eyes. "Quite romantic, is it not? We remember when all the stallions were doing it-why, we were practically tripping over sonnets and verse!"

"...Nopony ever wrote me a poem..."

Luna gave a dismissive shrug. "What can we say? We were always the pretty one."

Celestia rolled her eyes. "I'd say more vain than pretty."

"And? Is it so wrong to love thineself?" asked Luna.

"No, but there is a limit," she replied, smiling. "Remember that time you complained that the servants weren't ogling you enough?"

"... T-twas' a phase."

"Sure, a phase." giggled Celestia, shaking her head as her sister blushed.

Luna tossed up her head with a dismissive 'hmph'. "Well, we art most eager to hear what Mr Caramel has composed. We doubt it shall be as glorious as that which the poets once wove in honour of ourselves, but who knows? Mayhaps he shall have a helping hoof well versed in the art of wordsmithing."

...

"You sent him a pony to help him write, didn't you?"

"Perhaps..."

"Luna!"

"We poked around within Twilight's dreams and found out that she intended to give unto Caramel the challenge of poetry. So when thou came to us asking for one of our Lunar guards, we chose somepony with a... varied skillset."

"So instead of giving him a guard you gave him a poet? Sister, you do realise that there is a possibility that whoever tried to kill Mr Caramel would be willing to give it another go, right?"

"Of course!" exclaimed Luna, and for a moment she looked genuinely offended. "Why, poetry is nought but a side-hobby for Miss Song! The whole reason we picked her out in the first place was for her impressive skill with a sword. Her savvy with a quill is merely a happy coincidence!" she gave a casual toss of her mane. "Honestly Tia, sometimes we fear that you doubt our judgment. Tis insulting."

"I..." Celestia sighed, rubbing at the bridge of her nose. It had to be today, didn't it? Luna had to pull some sort of crazy trick like this today, virtually her only day off (not counting Hearths Warming). "How did you even know that Twilight was going to have Caramel perform at the convention?"

"We may have poked about in her dreams-"

"Luna!"

"-just a little bit! T'wasn't as if we were delving into the deep recesses of her mind! We were merely... curious. Honestly, we don't see why thou art so peeved. This way we get to watch Mr Caramel win the love of The Element of Honesty and enjoy a day off together! Is it not grand, sister?"

"Wonderful." said Celestia.

Luna frowned. "thou do not seem very happy about it."

Celestia entertained the thought of lying and saying that she was over the moon. The truth of it was that she wasn't very happy about it. She wasn't very bloody happy about it at all. She'd just found out that her sister was bombing her day off and the changeling was coming along for the ride. She was the antithesis of very happy.
"what do you mean?" asked Celestia innocently. "I'm delighted!"

"Tia, we love thee more than anything, but thou art a terrible liar. Now come, what has our sister so grumpy?" replied Luna.

"She sighed again, fixing Luna with a tired stare. "Luna, this is the one of the only days of the year I actually have to myself. Now I'm not saying that you're ruining it by coming along-

"But you believe that Mr Caramel is." finished Luna.

"Luna, I know it may sound inconsiderate, but after what happened here hot a few weeks ago has shaken my trust of him. I'd thought, when I'd assigned The Elements to him, that he was... innocent. That he had love for Equestria, Justas he had for Applejack. Well, back at the Gala, he met his would-be murderer face-to-face, discovered that they were a changeling, and let them go. When I asked him why do you know what he said? He thought they were just a spy-or perhaps an agent on a mission of great importance! Don't you see, Luna? He slighted us in what he thought was a benefit to himself-"

"To his country, Tia," corrected Luna sternly. "Granted, we are less than pleased that he allowed one of his uninvited brethren to gallivant through the halls of the palace so freely, but we understand. What he did was an act of patriotism. Since he has acquainted himself with us we have rummaged through his dreams, and we can say with a certainty that he loves his homeland. Thou cannot expect him to become a turncoat on a mere whim."

"Even after he fell in love with one of our ponies? After I allowed him to stay here, despite having perfect reason to throw him back to The Badlands? It's ungrateful, Luna!"

Luna gave a sigh, and the semi-playful attitude she'd had earlier crumbled away, and suddenly Luna looked a thousand years older. "He has a family, Tia. A family that he hasn't seen for years. We have seen it in his dreams. A loving mother, a stern father and a little bother with whom his relationship was... strained. His dreams linger on them constantly, and are shot through with worry and sorrow. He fears for them horribly. What would anypony do, had they thought that the betrayal of those they had befriended could help the ones they loved?"

"Celestia bowed her head solemnly. "It is sad, but it doesn't change the facts. Had that assassin been after any other of those guests, the night could've ended in tragedy."

"It may have, but it didn't. The only one who paid for his folly was Mr Caramel himself, and we believe that more than earns our forgiveness."

"And if the assassin had tried to kill you?" asked Celestia persistently. "Me?"

Luna was quiet for a very long time, silently considering. "One cannot dwell on what could've been, it leads only to hate and suffering." she came out with finally.

"And how would you know?"

Luna fixed Celestia with a stare so cold that it sent a shiver dancing down her spine. "Because we have spent a thousand years brooding over dead possibilities and expired may-haves, doth thou remember how well that turned out for us?"

Trottingham, in Caramel's opinion, resembled everything a city should be. Statues and museums in abundance, musty old buildings rich with history and a particular lure towards tourists, as if it were bursting at the seams with lore, and couldn't wait to share it with you. It reminded him of the Hivelands, in a way, only with a lot less changelings, a serious lack of runes decorating the walls and a not nearly as much tension between the classes. That, and there wasn't a big-ass palace in the middle of the city (although it did have a really nice chapel).

So far Rarity had made only a dozen or so fruity comments on the 'pseudo-gothic architecture' with Twilight occasionally reciting the history behind the buildings she pointed out. Fluttershy was more than happy to sit back and listen to the two of them. Caramel was just happy that Pinkie Pie had work to attend to back at Sugarcube Corner and Rainbow Dash didn't want to come. Granted, he'd grown to quite like Pinkie ever since their attempt at baking, but that didn't mean that her constant babbling had become any less annoying. As for Rainbow, well, the less he saw of her the better.
Applejack had spent the majority of her time trying to get his attention. Which he was happy about. Or should've been. Judging from the heavy vibes of guilt he was getting from her, he guessed that she was feeling a mite sorry about largely ignoring him after the whole poison incident. He tried to make himself feel happy about it. She was giving him attention, after all; trying to get on his good side. But whenever he looked at her he saw the back of her head as she turned to walk out of Luna's bedroom and leave him there with a belly full of poison, and instead of feeling happy he just felt pissed.

"Ya look like you're enjoyin' yourself." said Applejack, smiling. Hers was an apologetic happiness. Sorry smiles and sad eyes and all that. He guessed that she was pining for forgiveness, or something of the like. He didn't feel like giving it to her, just yet. Maybe it was a little dick-ish of him, but part of him wanted to see her squirm.

A gentlecolt would have told her that it was okay, that it was his fault, not hers, but frankly, it was becoming more and more obvious to Caramel that he wasn't a gentlecolt in the slightest. He tried to tell himself that she was trying to make it up to him, that she wanted to forgive and forget and that maybe she was even getting used to the idea of him being a changeling, but that little voice inside of him called spite was sounding awfully persuasive.

He realised all too late that he'd forgotten to reply to Applejack. She had a sad frown on her face, as if she were some misbehaving foal whom he'd just told off. "Well you know I've always liked seeing new places." he said hastily, then cursed himself for doing so. Should've left it and let her know that he wasn't in the mood to talk.

"Ah'm guessin' that this here's one of the nicer ones you've seen, right?" said Applejack, perking up at his reply. "heck, I'd say this is prettier than a clear sky in summer! An uh... real romantic an' all?"

"I've seen prettier."

"Really?" butted in Rarity obliviously, her voice flavoured with curiosity. "Do tell!"

"In truth Miss Rarity, chances are that you've never heard of the places I've been to. Popular changeling resorts aren't all that well known in Equestria."

"Well that doesn't mean that you can't give us the details now, does it?" she said, undeterred.

He sighed, relenting. He hated talking about the Changeling Empire. Every small detail he gave felt like a colossal betrayal. There had to be a joke in there somewhere. 'Good old faithful Caramel, Defending changeling secrets even after his own nation started tossing assassins his way'. If he ever made it back home, they'd better give him one big-ass medal.

"Well lets see... I've seen the Imperial Palace in the Hivelands, the peaks of the empire's tallest mountains and the beaches of the Black Shores. Where do you want me to start?" beside him Applejack sent a baleful look Rarity's way-no doubt for stealing the conversation away from her-and all of a sudden he was a lot more eager to chat with the unicorn.

Rarity had turned giddy the moment he said 'palace'. "At the palace, please." she said with barely contained excitement. The others had gathered closer around him, curious. Well, he supposed describing how pretty the Imperial Palace was wasn't technically doing any harm, unless you counted provoking tourism.

"The palace was the first structure built from changeling hooves, and its construction was said to be aided by the gods. The palace was built over the hive, and Yara wanted a fortress of immense power to defend her children's birthplace. The walls are dotted with runes of protection and blessings, and there are statues more or less lining the palace's halls. The prayer room is host to the grandest of the statues- one of Yara and one of Kor, each nearly tall enough to touch the ceiling with their heads. It's rare for a lower class citizen such as myself to visit there, but when I do, I can't help but marvel at the wonder of it all."

"And the throne room?" asked Rarity, mesmerized.

"Well I've only been in there once, and to be completely honest with you, it was pretty bare."

Rarity deflated slightly, disappointed. "Why is it bare?" asked Twilight, picking up where Rarity left off. "I thought that the entire point of having a throne room in he first place was to have somewhere nice for the Queen to sit?"

Caramel shrugged. "It's forbidden to idolise the Queen more than the gods. The throne room has some beautiful things in it, including an ebony throne, but it doesn't hold a candle to your average changeling church. I've prayed at the imperial church maybe one or two times, but let me tell you, it's no joke."

Applejack perked up, butting her way back into the conversation. "Ya never told me you were the religious type."

She spoke with curiosity rather than acidity. Whenever she found out that he'd hidden something from her she was usually furious, not that he was complaining or anything. That whole 'leaving him hanging whilst he was splayed out, half-dead on a bed' must've really done a number on her.

"Well when you have to hide your identity you can't afford to take anything in half measures. I had to curb my praying and all that ever since I arrived in Ponyville." he didn't realise that he was speaking through gritted teeth until the words had already left his mouth.

"oh." she replied, quickly clamming up. Gods dammit, she was finally warming up to him and he'd chosen now of all times to get all bitter with her, and did she really even deserve it? she'd only ran to the hills when he'd desperately needed some kind of company, left him all on his lonesome whilst his insides burned, didn't even visit him once when he got back home to see whether or not he was okay-

"So how long since ya did any prayer stuff?"

"A while."

And that was the end of that conversation. Applejack retreated back into silence, staring shamed and hurt at the floor. Wonderful. He'd just shot down the very mare whom he'd come here to win over. Coltfriend material to the bloody max.
'Yeah, jeez man, give her a break, she only walked out on you when you were poisoned! Nothing terrible, really. You can't expect her to come check up on you every time something life-threatening nearly kills you.'

The remaining trip to the convention centre passed in an uncomfortable silence. Caramel despised silence, it had a horrible way of making things awkward, just as it had now. He tried to occupy himself by mentally rehearsing his poem, but his thoughts kept on crawling back to the crushing pain the poison had put him through, and how little company he'd had to endure it with, apart from a pair of stoic guards he hardly knew and the odd visit from Thunderlane.

The convention centre was fitting to its purpose, to say the least. The banner hanging above the large double doors was fashioned to look like a scroll, and the grand yet practical structure reminded him of the Canterlot Archives. The stairs leading up to the doorway was flooded with ponies, most of which looked as if they spent their free time smoking pipes, contemplating the equine condition and scoffing over tea. If he looked terribly out of place, then Applejack may as well have been from the moon. From what he'd heard from Rarity, wearing a cowboy hat to a high-end convention in Trottingham was bordering on lunacy.
Then again, with a pair of guards ghosting him, he wasn't exactly going under the radar either.

Silent Song and Wild Rain had decided to follow them at a somewhat leisurely distance. Close enough for ponies to know that they were guarded, but not close enough to deter anypony from talking with them. As much as Caramel appreciated the thought, he hated having the two of them looming over him as they were. Being guarded drew too much attention.

As if to prove his point, ponies had begun giving them curious passing glances as they loitered up the stairs, a great many of said stares being directed at him. By Chrysalis, did it make his head hurt. It was as if all the staring ponies were giving some kind of psychic migraine! Could unicorns do that kind of stuff? He reached into his saddlebags, pulled out the pack of aspirin he'd taken with him and swallowed one. Beside him, Twilight eyed him worriedly.

"At the rate you eat those things, you'll give yourself a chronic overdose before the week is done. You realise that, right?"

"Changeling's don't get overdoses," he lied in an attempt to shut her up. Twilight being Twilight, she saw right through the lie and was about to unleash a bout of furious bitching and moaning before Applejack cut her off.

"Waddya need them painkillers for?"

"Maybe you'd know if you cared to visit a little more often."
... Ouch. He hadn't meant to say that, he'd just been thinking it so hard that it just slipped out. He looked over to Applejack. She looked hurt, almost as hurt as him when nearly died from all that poison sloshing around in his belly, or when she walked out on him back In Canterlot, or when she didn't bother to visit him when he came back even though he nearly died and checking up on loved ones is something that you're supposed to do especially when said loved one had vomited and bled from the ears and-

"I didn't mean ta-"

"Fuck it."

And just like that, he turned around and walked away.

Escaping Rarity, Twilight and Applejack had been easy. He'd passed through a deserted alleyway, sprouted a pair of wings and flew away. He supposed the advantage of having a pair of unicorns and an earth pony as escorts is that you could always leave anytime you wanted, provided you could spawn wings.
His two guards, however, had proven rather difficult to lose. Wild Rain and Silent Song sat two tables opposite him, staring at him intently. The three of them were in a café- not because they were hungry, but because the overwhelming bustle and noise of Trottingham had been feeding his already pulsing headache.

"Sir?"

He took his head in his hooves and rubbed. Bloody headaches. It felt as if his brain was going to melt at any minute. Was this thing going to be permanent? He'd heard stories about changelings poisoned from skeltgrass being sent mad by the after effects, and bitterly hoped that he wouldn't be one of them. The world and everypony in it was trying hard enough to turn him batshit crazy as it was.

"Sir?"

"What?"

The waitress bounced backwards as Caramel snapped at her, giving him a hurt and confused look which filled him with guilt. It didn't help that she looked so damned innocent, either. What was with him and punching ponies right in the heartstrings? First it was Applejack, then Big Mac got all high and mighty with him, and then Celestia (because apparently choosing not to rat out other changelings 'risks lives', although the last time he checked he was the one who'd been poisoned). Heck, as far as he could tell Rainbow Dash hated him just because! Did he just have a really, really dislikeable face? Was it his cologne?
Did saying 'sorry' just not cut it any more?

"Sorry," he said. "Rough day."

"Oh. Well, that's okay."

...Huh.

The two of them were left in an awkward silence. The waitress, Yara bless her heart, looked earnestly sorry for him. Her supple lips pinched themselves into a frown and her big, watery eyes glanced at the floor uncertainly. The mare was, he suddenly realised, absolutely beautiful. It'd been a while since he'd thought of anypony like that apart from Applejack, but now that they weren't really a thing anymore...

"Y'wanna talk about it?" she asked. Her voice was heavy with a Trottingham accent-the kind you'd hear squawked by those teenagers and juvenile delinquents who swaggered down the roads in hoodies and tracksuits. No doubt most ponies would've found it off-putting, but he kind of liked it. It had a lot of character.

"Not really..." he began, and then then stopped himself, the past couple of months rushing through his mind like some feverish nightmare. "Actually, yeah, I do. I really, really want to talk about it. In fact I'd say I want to talk about it more than I've wanted to talk about anything else in my entire Celestia-damned life."

The waitress smirked. "Fire away. You're the only bloke in 'ere, apart from them two." she said, nodding towards Silent Song and Wild Rain. "And they're not too talkative. I try to serve 'em and they turn around and tell me they're on duty... sitting in a café!" she shook her head, sparing the two guards a scolding glance. "lazy, innit?"

"I'm sure they have their reasons." replied Caramel.

She dismissed the two guards with a casual shrug. "Yeah... anyways, what's on your mind?"

"Marefriend troubles." he answered honestly. The waitress gave a short burst of bubbly laughter which sounded nicer than most. 'Better than Applejack's.' he thought to himself and immediately chided himself for doing so. Then he remembered that he and Applejack weren't currently together, and enjoying a pretty laugh didn't count as cheating, anyways.

"I should'uh guessed," she said. "Only a mare can make a guy frown like that. So what happened? 'er family not like you too much? She cheated on you? Maybe the other way around?" she leaned in close. "Trouble in the bedroom?"

"Oh harr harr, very funny." said Caramel with a roll of his eyes. "I'll have you know that my performance in those areas has nothing to do with it."

The waitress threw back her head, and another gout of beautiful laughter came pouring out of her mouth. It seemed to be infectious, because before he knew it, he was smiling along with her.

"Well come on then, spit it out. What's the problem?" she asked.

"I... I lied about something. Something pretty big," he huffed, sinking into his chair. "Something colossal. Now don't get me wrong, she has the right to be pissed, but a couple of weeks ago she... Well she kind of took it overboard."

He'd earned himself a raised eyebrow and a curious twinkle in the eyes of the waitress. Nice eyes, he realised. Very nice. "What was it?" she asked, leaning closer.

The story pieced itself together in his head in an instant. "Now that would be telling, wouldn't it? Besides, that's not what's got me ticked. You see, to make up for it, I took her out to this fancy ball, and when I say fancy I mean I can't even pronounce the name of the place."

"Pretty fancy." agreed the waitress.

"Yeah, pretty fancy. Anyways, I couldn't dance for peanuts, and so I spend Celestia knows how long practicing beforehand. We're talking a week of training here-intense training. I mean, I couldn't dance worth a damn before this whole effed-up fiasco and now... well I still can't dance, but I can flail about with style!"

Another laugh from the waitress. "Very funny, now come on, on with the story!"

"Ok, ok... You see, I got sick. Very sick. Must've been some kind of food poisoning or something. Hurt so bad I thought I might've died. Anyways, I was locked up in some hospital wing and loam behold, she turns up at my door-"

The waitress smiled. "How adorable."

"-and pretty much calls me an ass."

"What a bitch."

Caramel winced. "Be easy on what you say about her, huh? That's my mare... Ex-marefriend you're talking about."

The waitress shrugged. "I'm jus' calling it like I see it, and the way I see it, she's a proper bitch. You would've thought that she'd 'ave at least have given you a second chance after all that."

"Yeah, well, I guess you're just a little bit more forgiving than her. Still, I can't dump all the blame on her. I mean I'm the one who started all this shit in the first place."

The waitress eyed him curiously. "Alright, you've gotta tell me what this lie was..."

"It isn't so much about what the lie was," said Caramel. "It was the fact that I kept it going for so damned long. At least, that's how I see it. Tell me, have you ever been forced to choose between loyalty and love? And I mean serious, unrelenting loyalty and proper Shakespony-esque love? Because I did," he leant back into his chair and heaved out a long, weary sigh. "And I'm starting to feel like I made the wrong choice."

When he looked back up at the waitress, he found that her eyes had misted over, and her beautiful smile had worked itself into a solemn frown. It was as if her previous warmth and happiness had drained out of her, leaving naught but coldness. "I know how that feels," she said sombrely. "Celestia be good, I know how that feels..." her eyes snapped back towards Caramel, and for a moment he swore that he could see a tear forming, and then she was all smiles, radiating happiness as if nothing had happened. "You know what? How about I get you some coffee? Sounds to me like you need it."

"Yeah," said Caramel, confused. "Coffee sounds good."

As the waitress darted away, Caramel allowed himself a quick glance at her rump, feeling guilty as sin for doing so. Checking out another mare whilst he was trying to make things up to his ex. He must've been breaking some rule or another in the unwritten 'gentlecolt's code', but gods be good, he was lonely. Applejack had left a big hole in his heart, and right now he was willing to fill it with anypony other than her.

He wasn't too certain as to why he was so damned apprehensive towards Applejack all of a sudden. Maybe it was the whole badmouthing him whilst he was poisoned thing, or maybe it was her stubbornness. Maybe it was all the little things that'd been dropped on him throughout the past month or so. Accidentally setting fire to Sugarcube Corner, Big Mac's spitefulness towards him back at the Ponyville market, getting tossed out of a window, Rainbow Dash's bitchiness... It all piled up into big 'ole heap of suffering and anguish that would've all been avoided, had Applejack been okay with the fact that he had a couple of holes in his hooves.
It was enough to make him ask himself whether he really loved her anymore.

Did he love her anymore?

He supposed... kind of. Love was as stubborn as it was confusing, and to be fair, he never really understood the emotion entirely-he just fed off of the stuff. By the gods, fully understanding love was nothing short of impossible. It was something crafted out of hate and joy and lust and envy and all sorts of horrible and wonderful things-a storm of paradoxes.

He sank his head into his hooves and sighed, feeling twice his age. His mother always warned him about getting involved in relationships. 'Be careful who you pick, because whilst there are plenty of fish in the sea, there's also plenty of sharks.' Silly saying, but nonetheless true-although he wouldn't really call Applejack a shark... More like a really, really prickly sea urchin with a southern accent and a very strong head.

The sound of wooden legs scraping along the stone floor beside him caught his attention. Somepony had dragged a second chair to his table. "Don't mind if ah sit here, do ya?"

Well, speak of the sea urch-... pony.

He looked to the side as casually as he could manage. "Plenty of other tables."

Applejack winced as if his words had just pinched her. "It hurts when you act like this, y'know? All bitter and everythin'."

"Oh I know," he said, monotone. "I've had a lot of experience with it lately."

His quip scored her deep, guilt gushing from the wound. He lapped it up, eager for more. Say one thing about Caramel, say he knew how to make words hurt. He'd had a lot of chances to sharpen his tongue back home arguing with his brother, and by now he could draw tears from a stone.

Her nostrils flared in a fleeting moment of distaste before she sighed in defeat. "Alright, guess ah had that one comin'," she said as she eased herself down into the chair slowly, as if he were some sort of snake who'd bite her at any sudden movement. It offended him, even though he knew it shouldn't. "Ah know there's a lot of nasty lil' words you wanna throw my way, an' chances are ah'll deserve most of 'em... but could you put 'em aside just for now, so we can talk?"

"I thought we talked more than enough back in Canterlot."

She nodded solemnly at 'Canterlot', as if she'd been expecting him to bring it up. Her regret washed over him like a bitterly cold wind, and he had to force himself to pry some more.
"It isn't nice, y'know-getting poisoned with skeltgrass. Feels your head is melting from the inside out, like somepony stuck a hot coal in the middle of your brain. Leave it long enough and the pain spreads to the rest of you... like little beetles running around just under your skin, nibbling and tearing at you. Give it enough time and your blood'll go black and as thick as pudding, but you'll be long dead by then anyways."

"Fer cryin' out loud, would ya stop it with the guilt trip? Ah'm tryin' to say sorry here!"

"And maybe I don't want to hear it! I mean c'mon, you don't even turn up a my door to check if I'm okay after I was fucking poisoned, and you think you can just patch things up with a simple 'sorry'?" he growled, on the edge of shouting. A streak of white hot pain shot through his head, painful enough to make him wince. "Fuck!" he spat, pulling out the packet of painkillers and tossing another into his mouth. Applejack's frustrated expression flickered with concern. She reached over and plucked the box from his hoof.

"An' just what're ya taking these for?"

"For nothing, give them back!"

Applejack peered into the little box. "Sweet Granny's apple fritter, you've gone an' ate most of 'em! How many of these things have you had today?"

"I... I opened the box this morning, not that it's any of your business!" he said. Most of the box? had he really had that much? He wasn't too clear on the maximum dosage of painkillers when it came to changelings-he'd just presumed that if it wasn't deadly to a pony, then chances were good it wouldn't kill him, either. A bit careless, he admitted, but he'd been brushed off by his ex, berated by Princess Celestia herself and had the mother of all headaches which may or may not be permanent. He'd earned the right to be a little 'devil may care'.

"You opened the box this-what in hay were ya thinkin'! Don't ya know what too many of these'll do to ya?"

"And since when did you become a doctor?"

"Never, but Twilight told me you lot were supposed to have some sort of inklin' on this stuff!" she barked, waving the packet in his face before tossing it aimlessly over her shoulder. "Ah mean, what if this here stuff gives ya some sort of gut-problems or-

"Wait," he said, stopping Applejack's rant with a raised hoof. "Twilight told you? When?"

Applejack's stern glare faltered into a bashful look sideways. "Well... The train ride over here was pretty long, an' me and Twilight were sharin' a booth, so ah reckoned it'd be a good time to start, y'know, doin' some research."

Caramel leaned in closer, narrowing his eyes. "How much research?"

"All of it..."

""All of it?" he shook his head disbelievingly. He'd told Twilight enough facts on changelings and their home to fill in an entire notebook. There was no way in Tartarus that Applejack managed to memorise the whole thing on the way here. "What colour is the grass where I come from?"

"White."

"What's the main reason why changelings avoid the forests?"

"Cus' near-on everythin' there is poisonous."

"What's my favourite kind of food?"

Applejack scrunched her muzzle in blatant disgust. "Beetles on a stick, congealed lizard's blood, bone marrow from all sorts of critters an' pretty much anythin' bitter," she cheeks showed the slightest hint of green. "Why ya'll like that stuff over proper chow, ah ain't got no idea. Ah ain't meanin' to insult, but from what Twi tells me you've put some mighty disgustin' stuff in yer mouth."

He fell back into his chair, brimming with frustration. She'd been dedicated enough to memorise all of Twilight's notes in a single train ride. Here he was, getting ready to give the rant of a lifetime, and she'd just gone and disarmed him completely.

"Dammit," he sighed. "How am I supposed to stay angry when you pull something like that."

"How's about ya don't?" she asked, and as she said so she reached over and laid her hoof gently over his. "I'm... sorry ah left ya hangin' like that. Just supposed that the last pony in the world ya'll would want to see would be me, guessin' from all that happened back in Canterlot."

"Yeah well I guess I'm kind of sorry for shouting at you. It's just with all your rejections and stuff, I start to wonder if you really care for me anymore... if there's any point to this whole makey-uppy shtick."

"Course there is," reassured Applejack, giving his hoof an affectionate squeeze. "An' ah care about ya plenty. Ah just need some time, is all. Time to get used to-" she spared a glance back at the wings he'd sprouted during his escape. "-to get used to stuff. It ain't every day your lover turns out to be a changelin'. It's just jarrin', ah guess."

"Really?" asked Caramel, painfully aware of how pathetically hopeful he sounded.

Applejack smiled, reaching over the table and placing a kiss on his cheek. It'd been packed full of emotion, that kiss; regret, love and sorrow. Bittersweet in the best possible way.

"Really." she assured as she broke the kiss. "Now c'mon, that poetry-thing ain't gonna wait forever, an' ah wanna hear what ya rustled up!"

He felt a blush building up in his face and turned shyly away. "What, my poem? You seriously want to hear it?"

"Well ah came all this way, right? 'Though to be honest with ya, ah don't see why you didn't just skip the whole trip to Trottingham thing an' just gimmie yer poem right at mah doorstep."

Caramel cringed. When she put it like that The journey did feel kind of pointless. Twilight had said that the grandeur of Trottingham and the fact that he was speaking from a stage made it more dramatic-but personally, he reckoned that she just wanted to go to the convention and see Celestia. From what he'd heard the Princess loved her poetry, and Twilight had looked awfully giddy for the past couple of days, not to mention nervous. Silent Song had been nice enough to confirm his suspicions.

"Why for the excellent coffee, of course." he joked as the waitress skipped over with a cup of coffee in her hoof. She put it in front of Caramel with a glance towards Applejack and a knowing smile in his direction. Applejack eyed her banefully as she left. Something told him she didn't very much like the way the waitress had looked at him. He couldn't help but smile-Applejack had always been a jealous one.

"Very funny," she said, and as Caramel moved the cup of coffee towards his lips, Applejack reached forwards and put another kiss on them instead, this time making sure the waitress was watching.

She tugged at his foreleg. "C'mon, ah promised Twi ah would bring ya back, an' we all know how funny she gets with... writin' stuff."

"Writing stuff, huh?" he asked. Her poisonous glance towards the waitress told him that she had a few more reasons to get him away from here than that.

The coffee had contained enough poison to kill Caramel five times over.

Kaathe leaned against the counter and smiled. One would call it a stroke of luck, had they not known Kor as he did. He walked over to the empty table, plucked up the coffee and tossed it into the bin. The petal of Desert Rose he'd ground into it had been worth a small fortune-Frauk had been against the idea of using poison again but had relented when Kaathe had promised to use something discrete and painless. It just so happened that when it came to poison, discrete and painless was expensive.
In all honesty, though; he couldn't care less about something as meaningless as wasted money right now. This was the second time the spy had avoided death by some strange stroke of luck, and Kaathe was almost certain...

He slid out of the diner and ghosted into a secluded alleyway, dropping his waitress disguise for something a little more convenient. Frauk followed not too far behind him. Kaathe felt at the small blade hidden on the inside of his foreleg. Chances were he'd be putting it to good use rather soon. Or would he? This was the second time chance had smiled upon the spy, and Kaathe was almost certain that there was something other than luck backing this changeling.

Almost certain-

But it couldn't hurt to be sure.

Caramel was sweating bullets, allowing himself another peek through the curtains. Backstage was empty apart from him and his two guards-they'd missed the bulk of performances when he'd been hiding in that diner, and now he was kicking himself for it. That meant that his would be the last poem all those ponies out there would hear. Sort of put him on the spot, he reckoned. It didn't help that he hated standing on a stage in front of so many eyes. He'd forgotten to tell Twilight about his stage-fright.

On stage, a mare about half his age finished reading her poem to the cheers and clapping of the crowd. He winced. That mare had used a lot more fancy words than him, not to mention it sounded as if she actually knew a thing or two about incorporating themes. He read over his poem once more and cringed. The mare's poem made his read like something an unenthusiastic grade-schooler had crapped out for homework.

"Hey buddy," said the presenter, sticking his head through the curtains. "You're up. Last performance of the day, so I hope you've got something good."

"Well..." replied Caramel as he reluctantly walked on stage. "at least it rhymes." There were easily over a hundred eyes on him, each glimmering with anticipation. He shrank under their stare. Why did Twilight have to drag him all the way to Trottingham? Why did he have to read this thing from a goddamned stage? Why couldn't he have just given his crappy poem to Applejack and be done with it?
He noticed Twilight standing between Celestia and a very bored Luna. She gave him a reassuring smile and pointed towards Applejack, not too far from her. The farmpony waved at him from the crowd, and his nervousness melted away. Concentrating on her instead of the dozens of other ponies, he began to read.

"An ode to a farmer, my heart sings for night and day,
A song I want to shout, but my mouth struggles to say.
For this farmer she hates me, and for good reason too,
Because in truth I'm a prick, so what am I to do?

I'll sit and watch, from afar and search for words to say,
None shall suffice to speak this love which pains me everyday.

Gifts of love are pointless, for she wants only trust,
But that's one gift I cannot give, but sadly it's what I must.
For in truth I am a liar, she's right to not trust me,
So I'll find another way, a way to make her see.

I'll sit and watch, from afar and search for gifts to give,
Or else I fear this wasted love is something with which I'll live.

I've gained her friends' favour, what small good that's done,
Their trust in me means nothing, their words she'll simply shun.
For in truth I use all kinds of folk, They're nought but a means to an end,
She knows this all too well, so surely I'll just offend.

I'll sit and watch, from afar and search for friends to woo,
Though little help that shall provide; little good they'll do.

To be honest... I am tired, I'm done with one-way love,
I'll scream if I see another rose, or wretched turtle-dove.
For in truth I'm rather blunt, I've no time for frivolous trash,
I'll tell her that I love her, and if she says no, well I gave it a bash.

I'll no longer watch from afar, I'll walk up to her and say:"

He hopped down from the stage and bustled through the crowd towards Applejack, taking her hoof in his.

"In truth I am an arse, and I lie everyday-

But I'm an arse in love with you, and that's the truth, okay?"

He'd been expecting chorus of boos. He'd been expecting-at the very best, some half-hearted clapping and an uninterested little cheer.
What he hadn't expected was a chorus of 'daaaaww's.

"That's adorable!"

"I bet he wrote that for his marefriend,"

"He sounds like a teenager in love!"

Applejack pulled him into a hug, and he returned it with gusto. Then she kissed him like she used to in that rough, loving way of hers, and the crowd showered them with wolf-whistles. He felt himself go lax in her hooves, the taste of her love draping itself over him like a warm, familiar blanket. The small pain in the back of his head dissipated, and he kissed her back.

"Those were some real pretty words, Caramel." she said, breaking the kiss.

"Thanks... you liked it?"

She smiled and kissed him again, lightly, on the cheek.
"Ah loved it."

Part II, Concerning Geography

I apologise in advance for the vagueness of the entailing notes, Caramel was initially opposed to saying anything on this subject, and when I finally managed to coax it out of him he gave me a somewhat brief summary. Still, something is better than nothing, Your Highness, even if it is a very meagre something.

The changelings live in an empire separated into five provinces named The High Mountains, The Dead Plains, The Black Shores, The Hiveland and finally Volka, a small, offshore island. Now, I'm afraid that Caramel refused to give me a map or general layout of the land, but he did give me brief descriptions of each, which I suppose will have to do for now (don't worry, I'll plead more details out of him yet. Recent studies have proven that he is extremely susceptible to the 'puppy dog eyes' technique).

What he described was... Strange, to put it lightly. White grass, twisted trees with bright, orange leaves and overall a very varied landscape. He makes it all sound so alien. Did you know that you could get black sand? Caramel tells me that the Black Shores have beaches full of it! And don't get me started on the Dead Plains, from what he tells me that place defies belief! Endless seas of desert and grassland pickled with pillars of black stone and animals I doubt even Fluttershy has heard of, It's like something out of a fantasy book! You can expect a full report when I finally compile all of my notes.

He also mentioned that there were a lot more things that could kill you in the Empire than there is in Equestria, particularly the plant life. A good knowledge of flowers and the like is more or less mandatory for anypony who wants to dare the jungles and forests. I'm sure Zecora would feel quite at home.

To summarise, Princess, it's an entirely different world over there. What Caramel's told me so far has frightened me almost a much as it has excited me. Do you think that perhaps, if we ever make peace with the changelings, that I could be sent on whatever diplomatic mission would entail? Please? I mean, I don't really take many holidays, so I could count it as an extended vacation! I really want to see those mountains he's been banging on about.

Sincerely,
Twilight.

Author's Note

Shakespony... you know what? you try and come up with a better pun.

Sorry for the ~~little~~ massive delay. What it basically boiled down to was a combination of horrible writer's block and life dragging me, kicking and screaming, away from my keyboard.