Patricidium

The sound of streaming water reached Lightning’s ears. It was a slow, eerie sound and it was close, so very close. For a moment, he thought the sound came from inside his head, his brain spilling out through his skull in a thick red soup. Bits of grey substance would already by crushed into a pale slush, mixed up with memories and thoughts.

As he opened his eyes, he was sure to see the face of the filly hanging from the flagpole, now standing over him with the metal rod in its hooves, bringing it down on his head over and over. Or he would see the ground beneath him as he himself hung in the pole, skewered like the poor child. But all he could see was grey, white and green. White squares with grey lines between them, and specks of green spread out across it all. Lightning blinker his eyes, and finally came to the realization that it was tiles, like those of a bathroom.

Covered in moss and strange looking spores that seemed to breathe, moving ever so slightly back and forth, as if they expanded with air and then let it all out again. And the steady sound of water never ceased in its endless flow, echoing all around him in an unnatural way.

As he took a few deep breaths, the smell of the area made itself known, and it was the worst, most sickening smell he’d ever felt, making the stench from the hospital seem like that of roses. It was impossible for him to place the smell, it was completely unknown to him. But the moment that foul aroma made its way into his lungs, something clenched up inside him. He couldn’t stop his own body from hurling, sending a cascade of vomit into his mouth. It forced its way out of his lips and sprayed over his face and neck.

It hit his eyes, and Lightning instantly cried out and rolled around on the floor. Not only did it disgust him, it also burned his eyes, like he’d just gotten salt into them. As he rolled around, water splashed around him, and without giving a second though as to why it was there, he thrust his face down into it, trying to get the vomit out of his eyes. It was cold, and felt strangely solid against his skin. It must’ve been thick with filth.

The unicorn gasped as his lungs screamed for air. Without realizing it, he’d had his face in the water for too long, and he greedily sucked air into his throat. The water around him sprayed into the air as his head flung upwards violently, his mane painting an almost perfect green circle. His back hit a wall behind him, and he let himself sink down on his backside into the cold, thick water.

It was all too familiar.

Why am I tormented like this? Please make it stop...

He could feel his heart beat hard in his chest. Slowly, his eyes wandered down towards his left leg, spread out in the water in front of him. Even though his fur masked most of it, he himself knew about the scars that littered the sin underneath it. He’d lost count of how many they were, lost count of how many times he’d sharpened his knifes, just to make sure it went deep.

“.. Fuck it...” He whispered to himself. “I… I wanna wake up. I don’t want to do this anymore, I.. please; Luna, Dust.. Take me out of this nightmare.”

As a child, he’d prayed every night. As the sun set outside his window, he prayed to Celestia and her sister Luna that his father would perhaps stay away that night. The praying never did him any good, but he kept on doing it, hoping that they could somehow hear him and punish his father for his sins.

They didn’t. Now as a grown up stallion, he no longer prayed to Celestia. Not many ponies did nowadays. They all prayed to Luna and her spouse Dust, the new rulers of Equestria. Except a few patriots that refused to stop acknowledging Celestia and loathed this strange “human” that now ruled next to their princess.

But even these prayers fell upon deaf ears, and nothing but the sound of the streaming water around him answered his pleads.

He banged the back of his head against the wall behind him several times, adding more strength with ever hit. Eventually, his vision started to blur and his mind became a whirlwind of green and black. He felt the world around him spin, moving to his right slowly before it picked up its pace. The left side of his face slammed hard into the floor as he fell on his side.

Suddenly, the cold tiles underneath him felt so comfortable, as if he was resting on nothing but clouds. Lightning smiled and closed his eyes, inviting the darkness of sleep into his mind. It cradled him in its arms, pressed him close in a warm embrace as he laughed in played with one of its hooves…

“Mom!” He shrieked loudly as the dream faded out of his mind. The stallion threw himself up from the floor unto his hooves. Once again his heart raced, and tears welled up in his eyes as he was forced to accept that had been a dream. His mother was gone, and he was stuck in this hell. There was no escape.

Water dripped from his soaked coat, hammering into his skull with every drop. It forced him to stay awake. It wouldn’t let him fall asleep unless it wanted him to. He had no choice than to look closely at his surroundings.  He did his best not to breathe through his snout, afraid that it might make him throw up again.

The room he was in was narrow, barely a few meters across. There probably would be room for more than one more pony next to him. The walls had been dressed in filthy white tile, and all sorts of strange mushrooms and plants grew across them. The floor and ceiling had been covered in the same tiles and plants as well, making it look like some sort of sick organ, and the steady flow of muddy water on the floor just contaminated it even more.

Behind him, he found nothing more than another wall and a narrow iron grid down by the floor from which the water came.  In the other direction, the same as the water flowed to, he could see nothing but more water and plants. An endless tunnel. Hopefully there would be a way out at the end of it.

How the hell did I get here..?

Hesitantly, Lightning followed the stream down the tunnel. As he walked on through the shallow water, the earlier smell disappeared slowly, being replaced by that familiar smell of excrements and urine. After the time he’d spent in this place, he thought himself to be immune to it, and didn’t pay the smell much attention.

After what felt like hours, the unicorn had to stop to take a break. There was something in the air, something that made it heavier to breathe, and he panted heavily as he tried to relax and gather his strength. Something hard bumped against his back leg. Instinctively he raised his leg up, removing it from the object that hit him. A moment later, it came floating in the water between his fore legs.

It was a somewhat big object, grey in color, shaped like a square. As it passed him, Lightning could clearly see the tattered image and letters adorning it.

Daring Do…

It was his old book, the Sapphire Stone…

Lightning wanted to reach out and grab it, but he couldn’t. Even though his muscles practically yelled at him to pick it up, they refused to obey him, freezing him in place. Daring Do slowly drifted away in the filthy water, and soon the book had disappeared in the distance.

Once he could control his muscles again, he continued his walk down the tunnel. but no matter how long or fast he walked, never did he catch up to the book. It was as if it had vaporized somehow, dissolving and becoming part of the water. Black ink in this endless river of green and brown.

Lightning didn’t stop or slow down his pace as the next object came floating past him, this one a piece of a torn apart picture, partially dissolved by the water. But he could still see his father’s smiling face on the paper. It made him sick, and with no second thoughts as to what he did, he brought his hoof down on the paper, causing it to break into several parts. He kept on stamping on it until there was nothing but a crumbled up mess left of it.

Somehow, the remains of the image floated faster than him, and quickly disappeared. He didn’t offer it any more thought, except the constant hate towards his father.

The monotonous pattern seemed endless, and eventually he couldn’t feel his legs anymore, and they trotted on without him even noticing it. They carried him to the end of this smelly tunnel, no matter what he found there. Once again, he took no notice of the next object in the water; his Wonderbolts poster, ripper in shreds. It floated past him as well, and he could care less.

All he wanted to do was get out of here, and nothing would stop him now.

Finally, he could see something off in the distance. A bleak light at the end, and what looked like a room. He kicked up his pace into a gallop, eager to put this dreadful place behind him. Lightning tripped over something floating in the water and almost fell, but he managed to keep his balance and didn’t slow down until he emerged into the room.

As he did, he instantly dug his hooves into the floor, trying to stop himself. In front of him a giant hole opened up in the floor, seemingly bottomless with nothing but blackness in it. Something oozed out of it. Evil. There was no other way to describe it, nothing else that it could be. Pure, strong, uncontrollable evil, seeping out of this hole like it was the throat of something much bigger, and its breath capable of sucking hope out of everything and everypony.

Blackness. Hate.

But it wasn’t this onslaught of clean emotions that stopped Lightning, nor the edge of the hole; it was what he saw above the abyss that made his skin crawl and his heart literally stop. Hanging from the ceiling in several rusty chains, a mare looked down upon him. She had tears in her eyes, and for some reason a smile on her lips. A smile that normally would have made him feel safe and secure, but now only built up panic inside him.

The moment he saw her, he remembered the other mare he’d encountered, and her fate.

This... No, she’s not real… she can’t be...

His breath became erratic as he looked up at her, remembering everything about her, and every new memory was like a knife to his heart. Her shiny white coat and equally shiny blonde mane, and those bright blue eyes he loved so much. He had to do something, had to get her down fast.

“No… no, no nonononononno!” He shouted frantically as he ran around the black abyss, looking for something to get her down with, some way to get ahold of those chains. “Don’t worry, I’ll get you down!” His voice was thick with tears.

“.. Quilly...”  The mare whispered to him.

“Don’t talk, just try to hold on!” He shouted back at her. In vain, he tried to fire up his horn, which instead only resulted in a massive headache. Slowly, the mare blinked away a few tears and looked back at him.

“… It’s alright.” She whispered. “You don’t have to be afraid, Lightning. It’s okay.”

“Please, don’t say that...” Lightning sobbed as he sat himself down on the cold floor. He knew she was right; there was nothing he could do to save her. It was useless to try anymore, he understood.

“There’s nothing you can do, sweetheart. I’m already dead and buried.” Her voice was calm, but her eyes welled up with tears. “… I’m sorry I didn’t help you. You needed me, but I was too afraid.”

“I forgave you a long time ago..” Lightning answered. “I don’t blame you, it was all my fault..”

“No, Lightning. It wasn’t your fault. I.. your father, he… I’m sorry.” The mare said back to him.

A loud sound silenced them both as one of the chains broke off at the middle. It swung downwards through the air, and a straining sound accompanied it as it tugged hard on the mare’s leg. Now only one chain held her up in the air.

Lightning lowered his head and let his tears flow freely. He didn’t care anymore, all he wanted to do was cry until he couldn’t cry more, and then fall dead. He knew what would happen to the mare, and he didn’t want to see it.

“Lightning.. you.. If you can forgive me, you need to forgive him as well. He always loved you, I know he did.”

I killed him.

“I know you did.” The mare answered, as if she could read his mind. “It doesn’t matter now. I just hope you can find it in your heart to be the better stallion… Don’t follow in your father’s hoof steps.”

Lightning wanted to answer her, but he couldn’t. He was crying too much, and as he tried to talk he couldn’t utter anything else than gurgling sounds and sobs. He was sure his heart had been split in a thousand pieces.

“Quilly, sweetheart... Look at me.”

He didn’t look at her.

“Don’t cry, it’s fine. I don’t care what you have or haven’t done; you’ll always be my little Quilly. I’ll always love you.”

Finally, Lightning managed to speak, though his voice was thick of tears and he had problems getting his message across, sobbing and stuttering. “I… I love you too, mom.”

Another loud sound echoed across the room, and Lightning clenched his eyes shut as hard as he could. Everything went silent around him, except his own sobbing and cries. This was the last and final fear he’d thought before he passed out in front of the school. The one thing he couldn’t take. The one thing that finally made his heart and mind break, the one thing that made him truly want to die. He didn’t care about anything else; he just wanted to be with his mom again, no matter the cost.

Still crying, he stood up on his hooves. With his eyes pinned to the floor, the walked straight ahead towards the abyss.

He didn’t jump. He didn’t plan how he should land, and he didn’t care. He just walked on and felt his hooves float into the air. He tumbled forward and spun around in the air, feeling the darkness of the abyss wrap itself around him.

I want to wake up.