Winter

“-and lastly, a box of self-replicating magazines and some jerky” I announce, describing to Twilight the contents of my pack.

Now, before you blow a fuse on my possession of a meat product in a land ruled by vegetarians, let me be clear on the fact that eating meat is not illegal, it’s just frowned upon by the nobility. As for how I acquired it… well its part of an agreement for my Equestrian citizenship. The gist of it is, is that I’m only allowed to claim one non sentient creature for food per year. I usually go with a deer, they’re large enough, that when the meat is preserved (such as in jerky) it will last me the full three hundred and sixty-five days of the year.

You might also be wondering what a self-replicating magazine is, right? Well after all the confusion of me arriving in Equestria I got excited at the thought of using magic, as it turns out, however, the only branch of magic humans have the capability to use is runes, a somewhat obscure art that most don’t even bother to learn about.

Princess Celestia however agreed to teach me, alongside Twilight, on the condition that I would not use the knowledge to directly harm one of her little ponies. I agreed, not like I had any need to bring harm to her subjects.

And this is where a little human ingenuity comes in. After getting my ass kicked in a bar fight on my eighteenth (not my proudest moment), it got me thinking: what’s my best skill in a fight? Marksmanship, and I can’t exactly bring a lethal weapon around with me every time I want a drink. No there needed to be an alternative.

And then it hit me (Well to be fair I got electrocuted but that’s just a technicality) what if I re-purposed  a handgun to fire a smaller round, little more than a metal BB, and put a stunning matrix on it? A little paralysis never hurt anyone, right?

and It didn't stop there either; shockers, freezers, and flares to explosives, should I ever have to misfortune to come across a hydra; but my crowning achievement was the self-replenishment rune, which in theory and principal, should not have worked. I'm serious, Celestia, Twilight and myself, the only three in the world who could claim the title of rune master, looked at it and we still couldn't come to an agreement on how and why it worked.

Hell, the only things I haven’t been able to self-replicate are shotgun shells (for some unexplained reason, I mean they're essentially the equivalent of a magazine) and biological entities, which means no clone army for me. as much as I would love a clone army, what would I even do with it?

Now I'm getting off topic, and we just landed in Ponyville. After promising to head to the library to help plan for Nightmare Moon after I was done with Grim Tidings, I grabbed my far to heavy pack and disembarked the chariot, and headed out towards his home… or at least what I thought was the way. It’d probably be a good idea to check.

And this is the part where I run for my life.

Since I apparently look like a diamond dog, the residents decided to form a lynch mob than risk me enslaving their children. I suppose this is the price I pay for letting myself fade into obscurity.

Thus far it has been a combination of luck and agility born from hobbyist parkour that has kept me out of their hooves, I’ve been sticking to the alleyways since I started to tire; I’m probably lost by now. It’s a small mercy that Ponyville’s population is predominantly Earth Pony; I sure as hell couldn’t out run a Pegasus or a unicorn.

I think I might have lost them…

“There he is!”

Damn it Murphy, why have you forsaken me?

Common sense would tell me to ditch my bag and weapons and hightail it out of there, but I wouldn’t even trust my mother with some of that gear… were she still alive. I miss my family.

Once again I’m running, a fair bit slower this time, relying more on misdirection and knocked over bins to slow down the horde, pulling off a front flip as I vault over a mint green unicorn mare in a mad dash across the main street and back into another ally.

Judging from the commotion back there I’ve bought myself another ten seconds.

“Human, get in here quickly!” a voice calls from my left. I’m taking a risk by listening to it, but I’d sooner face an unknown who knows me than a lynch mob with a case of mistaken identity.

And how ironic is this? My saviour just so happens to be Grim Tidings himself, ‘bout time I caught a break I reckon.

“So mister Tidings” We now found ourselves in his living room my luggage on the floor in front of me, discussing the daily news over tea; good tea too, not the overpriced sludge found almost exclusively Canterlot, this is apparently a generations old recipe, similar to what is served in the palace.

“Please, Call me Grim” his voice is… oily would be the word I would use to describe it, the silver tong well versed in politics.

“As I was saying, why was it you asked the Princess to send me out here?” moving the conversation straight to business. This practice is yet to fail me.

He sighs, deliberating in a manner I’ve only seen in Princess Celestia, regarding me while he forms the words,

“If I may be so bold, I’d like to ask you a bit about yourself; what was it like in your childhood how did you arrive in Equestria, and what was it like back where you came from” It’s funny. To date I have told no more than three ponies what Grim wants to know… if this keeps up I should probably write a book.

“It’s probably a good idea I start by telling you a little of my family, you might want to get comfy though, this will take us a little while”