A Golden Afternoon

Chapters

Who Are You?
An Unexpected Party
The Guardians
The King of Hearts
Out of the Frying Pan
Lost in the Dark
Inside Job
A Touch of Vorpal
Callooh, Callay!
Twilight in Wonderland

Who Are You?

A Golden Afternoon
by Gallifrey

Chapter Two
Who Are You?

The garden Twilight found herself in reminded her of the Castle Gardens in Canterlot, except bigger. But it wasn't bigger, Twilight was just a lot smaller, in the regions of about five inches tall. Everything she bumped into appeared imposing and intimidating, even the placidly swaying flowers, whose movements now seemed wild and erratic, almost as if they were fighting. Twilight snorted at such an absurd thought and continued on her way, intent on finding someone, so she could find out where she actually was.

"Now, when a pony wants to find her bearings," she said to herself, "finding the Sun in the sky will always lead you home- at least, that's what Celestia used to teach me."

Twilight pottered around, trying to find the Sun through the leaves of the trees and flowers, and looking increasingly like a tiny drunk mare who had a butterfly flying around her head. But try as she might, she couldn't seem to find the Sun in the sky, despite all her efforts.

But it's light! the logical part of her mind insisted, I'm just not looking hard enough.

Twilight passed a small (or huge, depending on relativity) bush and stumbled upon Fluttershy, who was sitting on her haunches, tapping her pocket watch earnestly.

"Fluttershy! You're here!"

"Where else would I be?" she returned, not taking her turquoise eyes off the golden timepiece. "And who's Fluttershy?"

"Y-you are?" said Twilight, puzzled.

"I am the White Rabbit," she said, placing the clock on the blue-green grass and taking out a silver key.

"Oooookaaaayyyyy, sure whatever, you're the White Rabbit- can you please tell me where I am?"

"You're right here," said Fluttershy, now proceeding to wind up the clock with the key.

"I know that," said Twilight, growing impatient, "but you see, I have lost my way and-"

"Oh nonono," said Fluttershy gently, "you see, you can't have lost your way, because you have no way, because all ways are always the King's ways, you see?"

"Um, what?"

"Th-the King's," said the timid mare, unmistakable fear colouring her voice.

"And who is the King?"

Fluttershy's eyes darted left and right, clearly looking futilely for an escape.

"Th-the King of Hearts, the lord and ruler of this land," she whispered, "h-he is a good king."

Twilight always knew Fluttershy was a poor liar, and in her last few words it was as clear as day.

"A good king?"

"Yes," said Fluttershy, nodding her head fervently as she said it.

"And all ways belong to him?"

"Yes they do, so you can't have lost yours."

None of this added up to Twilight. Then again, very little of her day had added up at all, it was if reality had suddenly become very poor at mathematics.

"But we don't have a 'King!' We have two Princesses! Everypony knows that!"

"Shhhhh!" Fluttershy pleaded, eyes wide and fearful. "You can't go saying stuff like that! H-he'll hear you and cut off your head!"

"What is this nonsense?!" cried Twilight, losing her temper, "You're making no sense! Just who is he?"

Fluttershy said nothing and picked up her watch to examine it.

"Oh my goodness! I'm late!"

"No! Not again! Come back!"

But she was already gone.

"Fine! Just go! See if I care!"

Though of course, the poor purple unicorn did care, she was in a place she didn't understand, and that irked her. Bending a leaf from the flowers beside her, she took a seat to try and consolidate her mind.

"Right, so, what do I know so far? I know Fluttershy's off her rocker, and she thinks there's a King... there doesn't seem to be a sun in the sky, I'm five inches high in a garden, and I'm totally lost... I didn't expect this when I left my home this morning."

With a small sigh, she continued wandering the garden aimlessly, in the hopes of bumping into someone with at least a modicum of sanity.

Her ears twitched, and she fancied she heard voices nearby. With mingled hope and trepidation, she followed the source of the sounds, until soon she could catch what they were saying.

"I have more!"

"So? My colours are better!"

"Well I'm the tallest!"

A thoroughly confused Twilight crept behind some soggy fallen leaves to look at who, or what, was talking. You can imagine her shock when she saw three flowers arguing- especially when she realised just who they were.

"You're not taller!" said Sweetie Belle indignantly.

"Am so!" retorted Applebloom.

"Are not!" said Scootaloo.

"Are too!"

Twilight, knowing what it was like to try and get the Cutie Mark Crusaders to stop arguing, decided to simply slink away unnoticed. As she did so, a bead of dew sparkled down from a leaf and landed on Twilight's head, dousing her face and mane as effectively as plunging them into a bucket of cold water.

The flowers heard Twilight's sharp gasp and stopped bickering.

"Hello?" called Sweetie Belle, "Is anyflower there?"

Twilight considered her options: on the one hoof, she could simply leave, it's not as though flowers could chase after her- as far as she was aware. On the other hoof, they had paused in their argument, so they should be a lot more tolerable. So, struggling through the mulchy and sticky undergrowth, Twilight ventured forwards under the bright curious eyes of the flowers.

"Hello!" said Scootaloo eagerly, "We never have visitors out here."

"Yeah!" piped in Sweetie Belle. "What's your name?"

"I'm Twilight, you girls know me well."

The three flowers bunched their heads together and conferred with one another.

"You ever heard of a Twiligh' before?" asked Applebloom.

"Can't say I have," said Scootaloo. "Sweetie Belle?"

"Nope, ask her what genie she is."

"You mean venous you dolt!" said Scootaloo.

"Don't call me a dolt!"

"Um," said Appleboom, poking her head out of the congregation and addressing Twilight, "what genius are you?"

"Genus? Equus of course."

"You sure? You look an awful lot like a lavender to me."

"I'm a pony, not a flower."

"Is that like a poppy?" asked Sweetie Belle, ending her bickering with Scootaloo.

Twilight decided not to answer this and instead asked if there was anyone who lived nearby.

"Well, there's the Caterpillar," said Applebloom.

"A caterpillar?" Twilight deadpanned. "Where does she live?"

"Th-that way I think," said Scootaloo, pointing a leaf in the general direction.

Twilight nodded and gave them thanks, and left them to continue their stationary lives in the undergrowth.

What's that smell?

Twilight was trotting along in the direction the flowers had pointed her, when she caught the scent of... smoke? If it was, it was a very peculiar smoke, sweet smelling and tangy.

Following her nose now, Twilight stumbled upon a clearing, where, upon an enormous yellow mushroom, sat-

"Rarity?"

"Hmm?" she asked, taking a hookah out of her mouth and looking around, "Who said that?"

"I'm down here!" shouted Twilight, for she was but five inches tall, and Rarity was of normal pony size.

"Oh my goodness darling, what are you doing down there?" Rarity exclaimed, bending down and picking up the lavender mare in her hooves, placing her on the mushroom, which felt like a giant marshmallow.

"Hello, I was just wondering if you know where the Caterpillar lives?"

Rarity chuckled and took a lazy draw of the hookah, after a time she exhaled and said:

"But that's me of course."

"But you're not a caterpillar, you're a pony," said Twilight in a monotone.

"You don't strike me as a fool," said Rarity, "but to me, only a fool states the obvious, and nothing could be more obvious than that."

"So why are you called the Caterpillar?"

"Do you think someone's title has to reflect who they are?"

"N-no."

"But that's by the by, everyone knows who I am," she said, leaning closer to get a better look at Twilight. She inhaled on the hookah again and continued, "What I would like to know is, who are you?"

Shrouded in a cloud of thick smoke, the purple unicorn coughed.

"My name is Twilight Sparkle, but beyond that, I'm not even sure anymore; I've had a crazy day you see."

"I do not see."

"Well, I woke up this morning and I was having a normal day, but then everything started getting weird, and I'm beginning to think I'm in a dream to be honest. Plus I'm hardly my normal size."

"And what do you mean by that? Explain yourself."

Twilight was feeling increasingly waspish at how rude everyone seemed to be, so she decided to start being clever.

"I'm afraid I can't explain myself, because I'm not myself you see."

"I do not see," repeated Rarity.

"My usual size is akin to yours, but I used a lot of magic for it and I need to wait before I can perform it again. It's also quite disorienting to be two different sizes in one day."

"It is not."

"Are you just going to contradict everything I say?!" said Twilight venomously.

"Are you just going to conflict with everything I know?"

Twilight had no answer to this so Rarity laid back and blew a smoke ring.

"Why do they call it a pair of scissors when there's only one of them?"

"What?"

"It occurred to me," said Rarity slowly, examining the tip of the hookah, "the other day, when I was cutting some fabric, I found it ever so curious."

Twilight raised her head at this.

"Hang on, so you still like fashion then?"

"Oh darling, I adore it so!"

"That's interesting," Twilight mumbled, "so you still retain a love for fashion, which might indicate this is all just a dream... perhaps."

"Sorry, what was that?"

"I was just talking to myself, not to you."

"You. Who are you?"

"I told you already!" Twilight protested, batting away another cloud of smoke.

"You certainly have not!" said Rarity, smoking again, "You have merely stated what you are."

"Don't you think you should maybe tell me who you are?" snapped Twilight.

"Why?"

"I've had enough of this," she snarled, jumping off the squashy mushroom and landing hard on the ground below. Storming off, she heard Rarity call after her.

"Stop! Wait! I have something important to say!"

Twilight huffed and decided to turn back, if it was apparently so important.

Rarity picked her up again and placed her on the mushroom. For a minute or two she didn't say anything, then she opened her mouth.

"Keep your temper."

"Is that all?" asked Twilight curtly.

"No. By the way," she said, offering Twilight the hookah, "would you care to try?"

"Not at all," said Twilight, "but thank you."

"Very well."

A few more minutes passed where Rarity puffed away, broken by a single yawn. Eventually she got up and off the mushroom, ready to depart. Before she left, she spoke one last time.

"One side will make you grow taller, and the other side will make you grow shorter."

One side of what and the other side of what? thought Twilight.

"Of the mushroom of course," said Rarity placidly, as she wandered off.

Twilight looked down at the spongy fungus beneath her, and wondered which side to try first.

"I don't want to shrink further, I'll go out like a candle."

She decided to tentatively lick each side of the mushroom and observe the effects. To her pleasant surprise, a lick of the north side of the mushroom was enough to restore her to her former height. Happy to be back to normal, she set off again in the hope of finding someone who could help her.

An Unexpected Party

A Golden Afternoon
by Gallifrey

Chapter Three
An Unexpected Party

Trotting through an open forest clearing gave Twilight no doubt that there was a lack of Sun in the sky; a fact that even though she had seen, she struggled to believe, despite the evidence before her eyes. Returning to the trees so she didn't have to think about such absurdity, Twilight felt as though someone, or something was watching her from the branches. She was also aware that the light was beginning to fade, and the day with no Sun was starting to draw away from the topsy-turvy world she found herself in. A low caressing whisper on the wind reached her ears, stopping her dead in her tracks.

"So... it's really true..."

Frightened, Twilight spun around, looking for the source of the voice.

"Who's there?!" she demanded, horn lighting up in preparation for defence.

"'Twas brillig, and the slimy toves,

Did gyre and gimble in the wabe..."

She looked up through a gap in the trees, but all she saw was the sharp, sickled shape of the crescent Moon, looking down at her timid, lost form.

At least the Moon's still here... if it's any consolation, she thought to herself.

The Moon began to move.

Though of course, I can't expect it to behave normally now can I?

The crescent moved from the sky, down the branches of the trees and then slunk across a bough, grinning at her. Two eyes then appeared above the crescent, and a body materialised along with it: the body of a cat sitting on the branch, with brown mangy fur, ears that tapered to a point, and were slightly different sizes, electric blue eyes, bright and piercing, but all paled into insignificance in the presence of the cat's smile, which was constant and unchanging, and more than a bit unnerving.

"Hello," it said calmly.

"Um, hi," said Twilight, "m-may I ask you who you are?"

"You certainly may," it replied.

Twilight waited patiently, swaying backwards and forwards slightly on her hooves. The cat seemed to be more reasonable than most she had met today, so she gave it time to answer.

"Go on then," it insisted.

"Huh? Oh! Who are you?"

"Aha, there it is," it said, grinning all the wider. "I am a Cheshire Cat."

"What's a Cheshire Cat?" asked Twilight curiously, "I can't say I've ever had the pleasure before."

"Me," it stated.

"Do all Cheshire Cats smile so?"

"It depends: all can, and most do. But I feel the most important thing on your mind right now is something bigger than whether all Cats smile, no?"

"You're quite right. I really want to know where I ought to go from here, please could you help?"

The Cat stood up and glided down the tree to float beside her. Twilight didn't even bat an eyelid.

"That very much depends," it said slowly, "on where you want to get to."

"Oh I don't really mind where-"

"Then it really doesn't matter which way you go," said the Cat, tail curling around and tickling Twilight's snout.

"So long as I get somewhere," she explained.

"Oh, you're bound to do that, if only you walk long enough."

Twilight considered the wisdom of these words, nodding thoughtfully.

"In that case, can you tell me who lives around here?"

"Well," said the Cat, looking around as though it could see through the trees. "That way, lives a Hatter." It pointed with its right paw, "And that way, lives a March Hare," it pointed in the opposite direction. "Visit either you like, they're both mad."

"But I don't want to go among mad ponies!" implored Twilight.

"Oh, you can't help that," said the Cat, its grin becoming so wide it went higher than its eyes, baring every one of its teeth, "we're all mad here. You may have noticed I'm not all there myself."

"I suppose I don't have any better plans... do you know anything about the King of Hearts?"

"I do."

Twilight eagerly continued:

"Can you please tell me?"

The Cat eyed her intently, as if measuring her up.

"All in good time," it said enigmatically. "For now, go and enjoy the company of the Hare and Hatter. Who knows, you may learn something interesting from them."

"If you say so," said Twilight, accepting her fate.

"I shall be seeing you again, Twilight Sparkle," it said mischievously, as it dissolved into the aether around her.

"Wait! How do you know my name?!"

"All mimsy were the borogoves,

And the mome raths outgrabe..."

And with those parting words, the Cat left her.

Twilight saw a house, a house with a burnt yellow thatched roof and chimneys shaped like rabbit ears sticking out of it. It was getting difficult to tell in the dusky light around her, but she supposed this must be the March Hare's house. There was a table set out in the front garden, under a tree, which is where Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash were sat.

Pinkie was wearing a fine green waistcoat and a fiery orange bow-tie, atop her head lay a green top hat with a piece of paper marked "in this style, 10/6" attached to it, and on her face she wore a grin worthy of the Cheshire Cat. She was pouring a cup of tea for Rainbow, who in contrast was wearing a scruffy looking rabbit outfit, not unlike Fluttershy's, except a lot more worn, patched and frayed, with ears that were beginning to droop.

Twilight noticed that although the table was very large, covered in a sea of teapots and crockery, and could easily seat over a dozen ponies, the two mares were both sitting close to each other in the corner. With a small frown, Twilight decided to take a seat in a squashy armchair near them, sinking into it as if it wanted to gobble her whole, and she wouldn't be surprised if it actually did.

"No room! No room!" they immediately burst out, "There's simply no room!"

"But there's plenty of room!" exclaimed Twilight, waving a hoof at the barren table before her.

"Would you like some wine?" asked Rainbow encouragingly, leaning over the table to her.

"After all I've been through today, yes please," said Twilight hopefully.

"We don't have any," said Rainbow.

"Well why did you offer it?" asked Twilight, disappointed.

"There was no offer, I was asking if you'd like any, and unfortunately we don't have any."

"Oh," was all Twilight could say. She should have expected as much. She looked over to Pinkie Pie, who was looking at her with great curiosity.

"You're purple," she said, as a way of greeting.

"You're pink," said Twilight, hoping this was the correct response.

"Yes," she said thoughtfully, "funny that, isn't it?" She burst out into laughter, Rainbow joining her.

"Tell me," said Pinkie once she had calmed down, sipping from her cup, "why is a raven like a writing desk?"

Twilight perked up at this: she enjoyed riddles. There was something timeless and mysterious and oh so intellectually stimulating about them she found them irresistible.

"Why is a raven like a writing desk..." she murmured.

"Yes, why?" bubbled Pinkie.

Twilight put a hoof to her mouth in contemplation.

"Oh hey, the Dormouse is awake!" said Rainbow in surprise, pulling a tiny blue-grey mare out of a teapot, "Oh, never mind, it's asleep again."

Silence fell over the party. Pinkie pulled a watch out of her coat pocket and looked at it, shaking it uneasily. Rainbow meanwhile poured a cup of sugar and put two teaspoons of tea on top of it. Twilight was still thinking about ravens and writing desks.

"Does anyone have the time?" asked Pinkie.

"I should think about six o'clock," said Twilight.

"Well of course," muttered Pinkie, opening the back of the watch to reveal the mechanisms, "but what is the date?"

"The twenty-first," replied the unicorn.

"The twenty-first, eh?" She looked up to Rainbow, "It's exactly two days wrong, I told you butter would mess it up! Cake batter would have been a much better idea."

"I-it was the best butter," said Rainbow meekly.

"It may have been my fault: it was super silly to think of using the bread knife, covered in crumbs no doubt. Would you care for some more tea?" she asked Twilight.

"More tea? I haven't had any yet, so I can hardly take more."

"You mean you can't take less," said Rainbow, proffering her a cup of steaming tea, "it's very easy to take more than nothing."

Rainbow set the tea in front of her and Pinkie immediately dunked her watch into it.

"Ah, that's much better!" exclaimed Pinkie, as the numbers on it notched round to sit on '21'.

"What an unusual watch!" said Twilight, "It tells you the date, but not the o'clock."

"Why should it?" asked Pinkie, "Do your clocks tell you what year it is?"

"Of course not, because it stays the same year for such a long time and-"

"Such is the case with mine, or rather, ours," said Pinkie, gesturing to Rainbow, who was eating her teacup, and the Dormouse, who had fallen asleep in the sugar bowl.

"Do you mean to say it's always the same time here?" asked Twilight.

"I mean what I say," she said enigmatically.

"Ah, but do you say what you mean?" quipped Twilight.

Pinkie's eyes brightened considerably, and she giggled.

"I like you!"

"Thank you," said Twilight, picking up her cup and bringing it to her lips.

"I want a clean cup!" announced Rainbow Dash.

"Change places!" ordered Pinkie, laughing maniacally, standing up and bustling Twilight with her down the table a few spaces, forcing her to leave her tea behind. Disgruntled, Twilight made to pick up one of the dozens of teapots littering the table, but it reared up and snapped at her hoof.

"Let me get that for you," said Rainbow kindly, picking up the pot with ease and pouring Twilight a cup of Dormouse with some tea to complement it.

"Story time for our guest!" said Pinkie importantly, standing up and tapping a spoon against her cup.

"Story time?" asked Twilight.

"Quite literally," remarked the pink pony, closing her eyes and nodding, "as this is a story about Time himself."

She stood still for a few seconds, as if waiting for Twilight to contradict with a 'you mean itself,' but nothing was forthcoming. Opening one eye, she smiled at Twilight and carried on.

"I used to be good friends with Time, you know. I like being friends with everyone, but one day in March we had a fight- right before she went mad," Pinkie added, pointing a teaspoon at Rainbow, who was listening intently, despite having heard the story many times before, and indeed having been in most of it.

"I was at a concert for the King of Hearts and I was to sing

"Twinkle, twinkle, little bat!

How I wonder what you're at!

Up above the world so high!

Like a tea tray in the sky!"

"Twinkle twinkle, twinkle twinkle," mumbled the Dormouse.

"Have you ever heard it before?" asked the pink mare.

"I've heard a song similar to it," said Twilight.

"Well, I sang it, and I'd just finished the first bit when the King shouted 'He's killing the time! Off with her head!'"

"What?!" exclaimed Twilight.

"Yesss," said Rainbow quietly, "although, it's very difficult to take off the head of somepony who's already lost it."

"Does the King happen to have a fixation for beheading ponies?"

"I guess you could say he's rather attached," said Rainbow, stifling her laughter, "or the opposite."

"Yes, the King was never a fan of Time, much too ordered for him, anyway. Since then, Time won't listen to me: it's always six o'clock now."

"That certainly explains all the tea sets," said Twilight. "You know, time can be funny in dreams, that's what I expect is the real cause of all this."

"Shh shh shh!" hushed Pinkie suddenly.

"What?" asked Twilight, feeling slightly afraid.

"I'm thinking of something beginning with T, but I can't put my hoof on what..."

"Is it tea by any chance?" chuckled Rainbow Dash.

"No, it's weird..." she said, looking at Twilight.

"Why did you drop by this tea party anyway?" asked Rainbow.

"I'm not even sure anymore," said Twilight, "I first wanted to know where I was, but now I should just like to wake up I suppose."

"Wake up where?" asked Pinkie.

"I was under a tree."

"You're under a tree now," said Rainbow, gesturing upwards.

"It was a different tree," explained the unicorn.

"Have you ever met Chessie?" asked Pinkie, "He always seems to know what's going on."

"The Cheshire Cat? Yes I have, he directed me here."

"Did someone call?" said the Cheshire Cat, materialising in the chair next to Twilight.

"Chessie!" said Pinkie happily, "So nice to have you!"

"So nice to be had," said the Cat through its permanent grin. "Twilight, even though I'm sure you're enjoying this little soiree, it is time."

"It's Time?" asked Pinkie.

"Time for what? Tea?" said Rainbow.

"Time for Twilight to follow me," it said to them.

"Twilight... Twilight." Pinkie rolled the word around her tongue as if it were a gumdrop.

"Where would you be taking me?" asked Twilight.

"To the Guardian of the Stars," said the Cat, as though it were a thorough explanation. Shrugging, Twilight rose, bade goodbye, and left the tea party behind her.

The Guardians

A Golden Afternoon
by Gallifrey

Chapter Four
The Guardians

"Where are we going?" asked Twilight for the seventh time, as she stumbled blindly over another tree's winding roots.

"Just follow me and you'll find out," said the Cat, floating ahead of her, indifferent to Twilight's struggle through the densely knotted trees.

The purple unicorn could barely see a thing; night had fallen and the only source of light she had were those of the sparkling stars above her head, but try as they might to shine brightly through eternity, they could not shine bright enough for Twilight to see the ground before her. The only thing that kept her going was the vague promise of some answers to her current predicament, promises that waved enticingly before her like a carrot on a string that was just out of reach.

"Almost there," said the Cat in a teasing manner, giving Twilight added purpose to her hooves, even if they still floundered here, there, and everywhere.

Soon the bookish pony saw a faint sapphire blue light glowing in front of her, at first she thought it was a trick of her eyes, the light looked so alien and odd. But it grew in its intensity as they approached the source.

A curtain of enormous leaves surrounded the entrance to what appeared to be a clearing in the trees, and the Cat stopped her here, grinning broadly.

"Well here we are, are you ready to meet one of the Guardians?"

"I would be if I knew who they were!" complained Twilight.

"You shouldn't worry yourself too much," said the Cat placidly, "I have a feeling you have met before."

"In that case I think I should be fine."

"Very well."

And with that, the Cat glided to the curtain, and drew it back, allowing Twilight entry. The mare's jaw dropped. It was beautiful. All the trees around the perimeter of the clearing were pearlescent in their hues, bouncing ethereal light off one another in myriad complexity.The source of such light was unmistakable, the centre of the clearing housed a huge vat, a vat that was overflowing with what appeared to be liquid light. Rivulets of it ran in small streams all around, shimmering a clear blue-silver. It looked so familiar, yet so distant. On either side of the vat grew two large trees, one of gold, the other silver, and Twilight could feel a strong and ancient magical presence emanating from them. Flittering around the vat and trees were dozens of tiny blue butterflies speckled with white dots, and they looked just like the one that had landed on Twilight's hoof under the tree that very morning.

She was so enraptured that she didn't even notice that she wasn't alone.

"Twi?"

Twilight nearly jumped out of her coat. With wild eyes, she looked around for who had said her name. Next to the shining vat stood Applejack.

"A-AJ?" said an astonished Twilight, "Y-you recognise me?"

"'Course ah do sugar cube," she said, approaching the unicorn, "though I'll wager no-one else does, right?"

"Right. I don't get it, everything's just too weird for me today."

"Don't worry, we're workin' on it."

"We?"

"Me and Chessie," she said as the Cat materialised on top of her head. "He may be as crazy as the rest of the folks around here, but he's a clever one."

Twilight sat down on her haunches. Questions exploded to the forefront of her mind with such intensity she almost felt dizzy.

"You alright Twilight?"

Twilight gave her head a little shake.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she said distractedly, "I just have a lot of questions.

"Begin at the beginnin'," said Applejack, sitting down opposite her, "and go on until you come to the end: then stop."

"Right," said Twilight, tracing a hoof in circles on the ground. "Where am I?"

"You're neither here nor there, you're somewhere in between," explained Applejack.

"What does that mean though?"

Applejack shrugged.

"Beats me, but that's the answer- apparently."

Twilight sighed in disappointment.

"What about the King of Hearts? Is there anything you can tell me about him?"

Applejack's expression went from one of caring concern to fear in less than a heartbeat.

"The King... I uh, yes, ah do know about him."

Twilight awaited information, but was distracted by the Cat, who began murmuring darkly into her ears.

"'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves

Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;

All mimsy were the borogoves,

And the mome raths outgrabe."

Twilight shuddered at the nonsense words.

"What does that mean?" implored Twilight, "None of it makes any sense!"

"Let it continue," said Applejack meekly.

With flashing eyes, the Cat went on.

"Beware the King of Hearts, my girl!

The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!

Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun

The frumious Bandersnatch!"

The grin of the Cheshire Cat now seemed to be one of passive malevolence to Twilight, who felt like bolting from this ominous rendition. But still it continued.

"She took her vorpal sword in hoof:

Long time the manxome foe she sought–

So rested she by the Tumtum tree,

And lay awhile in thought.

And as in uffish thought he stood,

The King of Hearts, with eyes of flame,

Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,

And burbled as it came!

"Do you like it?" asked the Cat impassively.

"As a piece of poetry, yes, it's wonderful!" said Twilight honestly, "But it does sound very foreboding, is there any more to it?"

"Probably, when I get round to writing it."

"Twilight turned to Applejack.

"Is that all you know about him?"

"Yes and no," said Applejack, "I've never met him, but Cheshire says he has but won't tell me none about it."

"It is not my place," said the Cat simply, "if you wish to know more, you must visit him yourself."

"Which way do I go to find him?"

"You can go any way you wish," said the Cat, hovering over her. "You do know that all ways are his ways yes? So follow any path and it will take you there eventually."

"Though the quickest way is that way," said Applejack, jabbing a hoof over her shoulder.

"Thanks, I guess that answers those questions for me."

"You have more though ah reckon, knowing you."

"That's a thing, why do you know me, but nopony else does?"

Applejack tapped a hoof to her chin.

"Ah don't rightly know, but I have a hunch. It may be because I've gone and become a temporary Guardian."

"Guardian? What's a Guardian?" asked Twilight.

"Without going too far into it, a Guardian is what it suggests in the name. But there only used ta be two of 'em, the Guardians of the Sun and Moon. You see these here trees?" She gestured to the gold and silver trees. "As ah understand it, these trees hold the souls of the Sun and Moon themselves."

"B-but-" Twilight began to protest, even by today's standards this was outlandish. Applejack held up a hoof.

"You may have noticed there is no Sun or Moon here... the two Guardians are either abroad, or they've in the court of the King, most likely against their will. I was drafted up to attempt to pick up the slack by becoming an unofficial Guardian of the Stars, which nicely explains that big tub in the centre there, liquid starlight that is. So mah job is to paint the stars at night, and when I stop, the 'dawn' comes."

Twilight, processing the deluge of information waltzed up to the starlight and looked at it closely; it was entrancing stuff.

"Is it safe to touch?" asked Twilight.

"Sure is, it's nippy though."

Cautiously, Twilight lightly prodded the surface of the insubstantial liquid; her hoof quickly recoiled in shock, it felt as though a thousand sharp fingers of ice had struck her in an instant.

"Ah told you it were cold," said Applejack, shaking her head.

"Not that cold though! How do you handle such a fluid?!"

"With great care," said Applejack simply. "Now, you're gonna want ta get some rest ah reckon, it's mighty dangerous out there at night."

"Only if it's no trouble, AJ," said Twilight humbly.

"Of course it ain't sugar cube, come on, mah house is just behind this group o' trees."

Applejack's house had been nothing like Twilight had anticipated. By now, the unicorn had expected it to be bigger on the inside, or entirely monochromatic, or there to be no gravity or something similarly ridiculous.

But she was pleasantly surprised upon entering; it was almost exactly the same as her usual home, only with a lack of Granny Smith, Big Macintosh, or Applebloom.

After she spent a few minutes absorbing the glorious familiarity around her, until Applejack snapped her out of it.

"Uh, Twi? You okay?"

"Huh? Sure, it's just... nice to be here." She smiled genuinely at the cowpony.

"That's mighty kind of ya to say," said Applejack, smiling in turn, and making for her kitchen. "By the way, you hungry?"

At the word 'hungry,' Twilight's tummy rumbled audibly, and she realised just how hungry she was.

"Ah'll take that as a 'yes'?" she chucked.

"Yes," returned Twilight, blushing slightly.

Twilight retired to Applejack's living room for some peace and quiet while Applejack cooked. The purple pony perused the bookshelf and chose to read a title that interested her, though not before she had smelt it.

In what felt like no time at all, Applejack was presenting Twilight with a hot, steaming bowl of very tasty looking vegetable soup. Twilight pulled her head out of the book she had been reading and gratefully received the bowl. Applejack sat in the chair opposite her with her own bowl, sighing in content as she did so.

"It's nice to have company," said Applejack, plonking a spoon of soup into her mouth.

"What about the Cheshire Cat?" asked Twilight, stirring her dinner and blowing on it to cool it down.

"He visits occasionally, but he never stays long."

"I see," said Twilight, eating a mouthful of soup, it was delicious; rich and filling.

"Yeah, it gets awfully lonely out here sometimes."

"How long have you been doing this?" asked Twilight, taking a drink of water.

Applejack looked perplexed at the question, she lowered her spoon.

"I don't rightly know to tell ya the truth, Twi... sometimes it feels like years, other times it feel like it was just this mornin'."

This statement struck Twilight hard and she spluttered on her soup. Applejack was clearly unsure how long she'd been there, she might only have been here since this morning but that could mean... this was real? But how?

Calm down Twi, it doesn't lead to any concrete conclusions, you just don't know whether this is a dream or reality anymore!

Twilight let out an involuntary bark of humourless laughter, and threw a hoof over her mouth.

"You sure you're alright?"

"I-I'm fine, just real tired," she said, as a cover-up so as not to appear utterly insane, though it was more of a half lie, she was very tired.

Applejack cast a caring eye over her guest.

"Eat up your soup, and ah'll go get your bed ready in one of the spare bedrooms, got three of them for some reason."

Twilight found herself in what should have been Big Macintosh's bedroom, staring intently at his ceiling, as though willing it to tell her everything that didn't make sense anymore. Twisting to the side, and looking out of the window, she saw Applejack high up in the air, with a starry brush in her muzzle, painting the night venetian blue, suspended from skyhooks.

Obviously... grumbled Twilight's mind.

Turning back to the ceiling, flumping her head on the pillow, causing several downy feathers to puff up around her and kiss her face.

Maybe, if I fall asleep now, I'll wake up under that tree, and everything will be normal again, said a more hopeful sector of her conciousness.

"Only one way to find out," she whispered, closing her eyes and letting the world be swept away as she traversed the bridges of the mind to the land of her dreams.

The King of Hearts

A Golden Afternoon
by Gallifrey

Chapter Five
The King of Hearts

Twilight rose early the next morning. The bedroom faced to the east, yet Twilight felt no warming sunshine caressing her face as she awoke.

Hoping to wake up under the tree didn't work then, she thought.

Stumbling out of the bed, she yawned and stretched, popping a few joints as she did so. Boy did it feel good. With a happy smile on her face, she trotted gaily to the door, completely unaware of the sinister plot the blankets on the floor were devising for her. Twilight's legs got caught in the quilt, leaving her to the whims of gravity, the heartless force it is. Rubbing her sore snout, Twilight picked herself up and ventured downstairs to the kitchen.

"Good mornin' sunshine!" chirped Applejack, "I got pancakes waiting on the table for ya."

Drawn towards the pancakes like a moth to a flame, Twilight dived into eating her tasty treats— just like a moth, however, she got burnt.

"Ahhh!" she exclaimed.

"Ooops, forgot ta mention: they're hot," said Applejack with a sheepish grin.

"Nah warries," said Twilight with her tongue sticking out, cooling it off.

Applejack gave her a glass of water.

"Thanks," said Twilight, draining it in one.

"Where you gonna go from here then? To the King?"

Twilight nodded.

"I feel I must. He clearly plays a very important role in goings on around here; though that's to be expected, given that he's a king, it's kind of his job..."

"If that's what you feel is right," said Applejack neutrally.

Twilight left Applejack's home feeling an odd sense of both hope and trepidation. Following a blue path for a time, she started wondering just what she was going to find at the end of it. Just who was the King? Twilight tried not to think of that; she had several ideas about who it might be, but she hoped they were all unfounded. Other questions bounced around the maelstrom of her mind; was all of this the mysterious King's doing?

If this were reality, then a powerful and sinister force was definitely in motion, and Twilight was at the proverbial eye of the storm, untouched by the malevolence, for now...

Or, more preferably, if this was but a figment of her imagination in her sleep, then she should be waking up soon. That was certainly the more preferable of the two possibilities. Less consequences to deal with.

Hooves guiding her along on autopilot during her contemplation, Twilight took no notice of where she was going.

"Oof!"

Twilight bumped into a firm and unyielding object, startled, she fell back on her haunches.

"Are you okay, miss?" asked the deep calm voice of Big Macintosh.

"Big Mac! You're here!"

"Eyyyup! Just doin' mah job, checking these here gates. Now, forgive me, have we met?"

Twilight looked behind his huge red frame to see some tall bronze gates, with towering stone walls either side. Behind was a castle that looked unerringly similar to Canterlot Castle itself, but now instead of warm and inviting, it looked proud and imposing, as did the stallion looming over her.

"My name is Twilight Sparkle, and kinda. What is it you do again?"

"I'm sort of the caretaker around here if you will," he drawled, "though a word of advice."

"Yes?"

Big Mac looked around cautiously, and leant down so his eyes were level with hers.

"Run," he whispered. "You should run, and not look back. You don't want to be around here, it's too dangerous."

Twilight's constitution wavered, reason suggesting she heeded the words.

"I have to get inside," said the mare determinedly.

"Why?" asked Big Macintosh simply.

With one word, the stallion brought Twilight's entire logic to its knees.

"I-I don't even know," she stammered. "I just want to know what's going on!"

"You'll be playing a mighty dangerous game if you want an audience with the King," he warned.

"I've gathered as much," said Twilight, "what's the best way to get in?"

"Well, ya certainly can't just walk in here," said Big Mac, tapping the gates for emphasis, "but if you're as determined as ya look, there is a tunnel round yonder, that the White Rabbit uses to get in and out quickly."

"Thank you so much!"

"I didn't tell you nothin' though, ya hear? If anyone asks how you got in, just say you don't know, you should be fine with that."

"Yes sir," she said, saluting with a hoof. "Applejack's doing fine by the way."

Confusion coloured the stallion's face.

"Who?" he asked.

"Oh... nevermind," said Twilight disappointedly, turning to leave.

"You take care now, I'll keep an eye out for ya in case there's any trouble, okay?" He smiled genially at her.

"Thank you, I may well need it."

"Good luck!" he called as she left. Twilight waved goodbye, feeling much lighter of both heart and hoof.

Soon, Twilight stumbled upon a small and inconspicuous hole in the ground that she could only assume was the tunnel Big Macintosh had told her about. She took a deep breath, and all but dived head first into the narrow passage. It was horribly claustrophobic, and Twilight felt nauseous from it, her heart racing in her ribcage. When she saw light ahead of her she scrambled madly towards it, desperate to be free from the suffocating hole.

Once she was out she made a mental note.

Today I discovered I am claustrophobic, and it's highly unpleasant.

Twilight looked around; she was now inside the Castle's grounds, and was feeling jumpy. Having no idea where to go, but feeling that the front gates would be unwise, she started trotting around the castle in the hope of a back door or something of that ilk.

The unicorn, rather than being reassured by the lack of anyone keeping guard, felt unnerved, as if someone could see her, but she couldn't see them.

"H-hello?" she called experimentally, but feeling foolish instantly, as if she expected a reply.

"Hello," said a cool voice from behind her. Bolting around, Twilight saw that it was only the Cheshire Cat. "How are you getting on?" it asked, floating lazily up to land on a small pillar against the walls of the castle.

"Okay I suppose, I mean I am inside after all."

"You are? This looks like outside to me," it said, looking around.

"You know what I mean," said Twilight, with a hint of irritation.

"You're inside, but you're not yet inside, do you know what you're doing?"

"Not particularly," said Twilight honestly.

"I could help you I suppose..." it said lazily, snapping one of its paws. Twilight gasped as a door materialised in the wall. "You're welcome."

Now that Twilight had a way in, she wasn't so sure anymore.

"Go on," goaded the Cat, "what's the worst that could happen?"

"I could die?" suggested Twilight.

"So negative," said the Cat with a shake of its head. "What do you have to lose?"

Twilight thought about that for a moment, and was drawn to the inevitable conclusion.

"Nothing," she squeaked.

The Cat merely gestured for her to enter, grinning maniacally. With a small sigh of acceptance, she forced her hooves into motion. She looked up, but the Cat had vanished.

"What am I doing?" she asked herself, as she nervously entered the Castle, sneaking about the tall and empty corridors. She found herself with a dilemma: she wanted to find the King and discover who he was, yet stay as far away from him as possible. She found this form of stalemate unbearable, so she simply wandered the castle, waiting for Fate to make up her mind for her.

As far as she could tell, it was identical to Canterlot Castle in its interior, so she knew full well were she was and where the throne resided. Deciding to take some initiative, she made her way upstairs, so as to look down on the Great Hall without being spotted. Opening a door and shutting it softly behind her, she found herself on a dark and secluded tier of the Great Hall, where she had an excellent vantage point. Peering down, she was disappointed to see that the throne was vacant.

Sighing in quiet frustration, she slumped down and kept to the shadows. It would only be a matter of time surely before he made an appearance...

An hour later, Twilight was started out of her light snoozing by a voice, the last voice she wanted to hear drifting up to her, confirming her fears.

"You know what to do with him, yes?"

"Chop off his head?" said a fearful voice she did not recognise.

"Precisely."

"Nononononono," whispered Twilight, "anyone but him."

As carefully as she could, she slunk around and gazed down beneath her, letting her eyes confirm what her ears were telling her. The long, lithe figure of her least favourite draconequus was sitting on the throne, stretching and cracking his back.

"Servant!" called Discord languidly.

"Um, yeah?" asked the voice of a mare Twilight vaguely recalled, but couldn't put a face to. She came into view, and Twilight realised that it was the voice of Spitfire the Wonderbolt.

"I do believe I am ready for dinner on this twilight evening," he said lazily.

"Uh, don't mean to burst your bubble, your Highness, but it's like lunch time outside, so—"

Discord held up a paw to silence her, and with a snap of his fingers, evening descended.

"I am ready for dinner," he repeated.

"Sure. What are ya feeling this 'evening?'"

"Beef, oh and ice cream, blended together."

"And to drink?"

"Something sparkling, surprise me."

As Spitfire left, Discord snapped his fingers again, conjuring up a plush red footrest. He leant back and yawned, and Twilight hid herself lest he look up and see her.

Twilight heard a few unidentifiable sounds, along with some broken humming. She lay still for a few minutes, heart racing, head spinning, at a loss for ideas.

"Let's not keep up this charade of hide and seek any longer, Twilight Sparkle," he said wearily.

Twilight's heart jumped to her throat in terror.

He knew?! How long has he known?!

"Celestia save me," she whispered desperately.

Out of the Frying Pan

A Golden Afternoon
by Gallifrey

Chapter Six
Out of the Frying Pan

"Twilight Sparkle, come on down!" called Discord, laughter colouring his words.

Twilight meanwhile was panicking, and then some. She was trapped, cornered, with no escape. Discord had somehow discovered her with absurd ease, what chance did she have of escaping unscathed?

"I'm waiting," he continued, with a touch of impatience.

Seeing no other option, Twilight rose to her trembling hooves, and walked to her doom.

Entering the Great Hall, the legs that had bravely carried her all the way here– wherever here was– turned to jelly and she stumbled forwards.

"Oh my poor pony," said Discord with glee, standing up as she entered. "Do take a seat won't you? Take the weight off your hooves!"

A table and chairs appeared, and Discord invited Twilight to sit at his right hand.

"Why?" demanded Twilight suspiciously.

"Twilight Sparkle: no matter the manner of my guests' entrance into my castle, be it by invite, or break-ins, they are still guests and must be treated as such!" said Discord in mock offence.

"Well I'm not buying it!" growled the unicorn, grudgingly sitting beside him. "I know you're behind all this."

"All what?" he asked innocently.

"Let me think... oh yes, the mass chaos that's being wreaked everywhere as we speak."

"You think all that is linked to little old me?" he said, shocked, "I am insulted, Twilight!"

"Likely story," she returned, turning her back to him.

"Believe what you want to believe, little pony. But let me ask you one question," he said, bearing down on her, so that his face was mere inches from hers. Twilight grimaced and didn't dignify this with an answer, so he continued. "How are you and you alone, the only pony who hasn't changed at all?"

"Aha!" Twilight burst, "So you did do it!"

"I don't recall saying that, I only expressed curiosity; you would do well to open your ears," he said, grabbing them and pulling them to three times their usual length. "Ohoho! You look like a donkey!" he said with mirth.

"You're not funny, Discord!" snapped Twilight, using her magic to restore her ears to normal.

"I think you need a sense of humour," he said dismissively.

A door opened, and Spitfire flew back into the room, bearing a large tray in her hooves.

"Dinner is served, your Highness. And who might this be?" she asked, placing the tray carefully in front of him.

"Nopony that concerns you, just an old friend of mine."

"Very well, shall I get her anything?"

Twilight opened her mouth to maybe ask for some salad, but Discord cut across her.

"She's fine."

Spitfire bowed, and left them.

"Do you actively try to be as annoying as possible?" asked a weary Twilight.

"Depends whether you're around: you are excellent fun to wind up, Twilight Sparkle. Watching you go is a delight."

"I suppose that's as close to a compliment as I'm gonna get from you."

Twilight slumped in her seat, while Discord tore into his dinner.

"Would you like some?" he offered.

"I'm a pony," she deadpanned, "I'm a vegetarian."

"Don't worry, the cow was completely vegetarian, it's essentially made of grass; that's what it ate after all."

Twilight couldn't deny his logic was infallible, but only from a very warped perspective, like looking into a fun house mirror.

"It's got ice cream in it, that's definitely vegetarian," he said, waving his plate enticingly in front of her.

"No thank you."

Silence descended, punctuated sporadically by Discord making unpleasant noises as he ate. Twilight was looking everywhere except on the draconequus, and slipped into a reverie. It didn't last long however, as the White Rabbit slunk into the Hall quietly.

"Um, your Majesty," mumbled Fluttershy. Discord appeared not to hear. "Y-your Majesty?"

"Hmmm? Yes?" he said, looking down.

"I-I..." she trembled.

"Spit it out will you?" he said impatiently, picking his teeth.

"I have some... bad news," she whispered.

Discord's smile, which he had worn since Twilight had entered, vanished.

"What?"

"You know y-your tarts, your Majesty? They're um... gone."

"Gone," said Discord calmly. "The tarts I worked all morning on?"

"Um yes," she said timidly.

"You!" he roared, rounding on Twilight, "Off with her–"

"ME?!" yelled Twilight, surprising him, "What evidence do you have for such an accusation?!"

"I don't need any! I'm the King!"

"Your Majesty," whimpered Fluttershy, feeling as though this were all her fault, "are you sure you couldn't hold a trial? Just a little one?"

Discord considered Twilight closely. Beheading her would give him a certain amount of glee, but where was the fun for afterwards? He thought carefully. No, much better to keep her alive, and torment her as her entire world fell to ruin.

"Very well," he declared, with a certain amount of reluctance, "let there be a trial!"

Twilight buried her head in her hooves. This could not end well.

Twilight found herself in yet another outlandish situation. Having never been of the criminal variety, the unicorn had never been in a court of justice before, but of course, she'd read about them in books, and was very pleased to realise that she knew the name of nearly everything there.

She looked up to Discord, who was obviously the judge; he even had the wig, which sat between his two misshapen horns. In front of him was a tray of rather delicious looking tarts, with several crumb filled gaps where someone had taken them.

And that's the jury, she thought, looking to her left at the twelve assorted ponies. And I'm in the accused box, fantastic.

All around in rows of seats were a bizarre collection of what seemed to be a crowd of playing cards with heads, arms, and legs; however, she noticed a few familiar faces, including Rainbow Dash and Big Macintosh.

Twilight turned back to Discord, who was casually filing a claw and humming a song in a low sinister voice.

"So I said to

the mare

that I met in

my lair,

'Let us both

go to law: I

will prosecute

you. Come, I'll

take no denial;

we must have

a trial, for

really this

evening, I've

nothing to do.'

Said the

mare to

the cur,

'such a,

trial dear

sir, with

poor jury

and judge

would be

wasting our

breath.'

'I'll be

judge,

you

will

see,'

said

cun-

-ning

old

me:

'I'll

try

the

whole

cause

and

con-

-demn

you

death.'"

He eyed Twilight beadily, a terrible grin spreading across his long face as he spoke. Twilight felt a shiver of fear and foreboding drip down her spine.

"Why are we doing this?" Twilight hissed at him, barely moving her mouth.

"For fun," he replied.

The White Rabbit entered the room and hurried up to a podium beside the judge's stand.

"Silence in the court! Um... i-if that's alright with everyone," she squeaked, hiding her face behind a huge reel of parchment.

Discord took out a pair of respectable, half-moon glasses; he made to put them on, but hesitated. With the snap of a paw, they turned into a pair of sunglasses, which he promptly applied to his face.

"Looks like this court room just got twenty percent– No!" he exclaimed, throwing his arms up, "Dear me, was I seriously gonna say that?!" Clearing his throat, he began again. "Read the accusation!"

Trembling, Fluttershy frantically tried to find her place.

"The King of Hearts, he made some tarts,

All on a summer day:

The Knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts,

And took them quite away!"

Fluttershy blushed and rolled up the paper, feeling awkward. Discord turned to the jury.

"Consider your verdict," he said.

"Y-your Majesty! There's a great deal of stuff to do before that," said Fluttershy.

"There is? Good gracious, you'd think I wasn't a real judge!"

Twilight took this opportunity to stand up.

"If I may, I'd like to point out that the accusation clearly accuses the Knave of Hearts and not me."

"Did you hear that, jury?" said Discord. "She's trying to shift the blame!"

The jurors sprang into action, scribbling down words in no particular order. Twilight could see one write down 'Jury shift blame.' The pony then looked up to Twilight, and she discerned no intelligence behind the eyes.

"Shift the– What?! No! I'm only saying–"

"Bring in the first witness!" cut Discord.

Fluttershy blew on a trumpet and called out:

"First witness!"

The doors swung open, and the Hatter was led into the room by the Six and Nine of Clubs. She was balancing a slice of cake and a cup of tea on her nose. Pinkie Pie was guided to a box next to Discord, whereupon she set down her cargo.

"Sorry your Majesty," she said, adjusting her hat, "but I was still eating when I was summoned here!"

"You ought to have finished by now," said Discord, lowering his sunglasses and peering over them. "When did you begin?"

Pinkie looked over to Rainbow Dash, they mouthed some words to one another, then nodded.

"Fourteenth of March," she said.

"Write that down," the draconequus told the jury. "And take off your hat."

"It isn't mine."

"Stolen!" the King exclaimed, and the jurors swiftly scribbled that down over the other words they had written, ink blotching up the rest of the paper.

"I keep them to sell," Pinkie explained, "none of them are mine, for I am a hatter."

Discord glared at her, which seemed to unnerve the poor pink pony.

"Give your evidence," he said slowly, "and don't be nervous, or I'll have you executed on the spot."

This did not seem to encourage the mare at all, who began shifting from one hoof to another, and ate her teacup instead of her cake in her confusion.

"It was about a week ago, or three," began Pinkie, "I can never tell you see, and the cake was getting thin, and as such so were we, and I took a cup of evening tea–"

"Stop rhyming and get on with it!"

"Yes, um, anyway the twinkling of the... of the tea." She flinched, having accidentally rhymed again.

"The twinkling of the what?"

"It began with the tea," said Pinkie Pie desperately, not being able to help her rhyming.

"Of course twinkling begins with a T!" he snarled. "Get on with it!"

"You know," said Pinkie, bubbliness returning to her voice, "I've been thinking of a word beginning with T for ages now! It's right on the tip of my tongue! T... something."

"Write that down!" Discord barked.

"I remember the March Hare saying–"

"I didn't!" said Rainbow at once.

"You did!"

"I deny it!"

"She denies it," said Discord. "Leave that part out."

"The Dormouse said it," said Rainbow Dash.

"What did the Dormouse say?" asked the King.

"I can't remember," said Pinkie.

"You will remember, or I'll have you executed."

A bead of sweat trickled down Pinkie's tense face.

"Squeak?" she hazarded.

Discord nodded thoughtfully. Twilight meanwhile had her face firmly pressed against the desk in front of her. She couldn't take much more of this idiocy.

"Very well, if that's all you have to say on the matter, you may stand down."

"I can't go any lower than I am already, I'm on the floor."

"Then you may sit down," said Discord irritably.

"I'd rather have a cup of tea."

"Just go," he said wearily.

Trotting out gaily and humming a song, Pinkie Pie vacated the room.

"Next witness!" called Fluttershy. "Steward, if you please?!"

Big Macintosh stood up alertly.

"I'ma comin'," he drawled, taking his time to walk down the aisle. Almost imperceptibly, he winked at Twilight. The stallion stepped into the box and looked amiably up at Discord.

"And what is your evidence? And if you're anywhere near as insufferable as the pink one, I'll make sure your head and your body are in two dramatically different places."

"I'm afraid, as much as I see around here, I can't recall seeing much suspicious a'tall."

"Have you ever seen this pony before?" asked Discord, gesturing to Twilight.

Big Macintosh narrowed his eyes and observed Twilight thoroughly, eventually giving a resounding

"Nope!"

Discord groaned and swivelled in his seat, telling the jury to not write down that last piece of information. Big Macintosh sat smugly in his box.

"Although," he said slowly and deliberately, as Big Macintosh is wont to do, "ah do remember seeing a blue feather lying close to the tray of tarts when I were in the kitchens..."

All eyes immediately turned to the only blue pegasus in the room, Rainbow Dash.

"Well well," murmured Discord, "things just got a bit more interesting."

"What?!" exclaimed Rainbow, "You can't possibly think it was me?! I have an alibobble thing!"

"You mean alibi," said Twilight irritably, unable to help herself.

"Yeah! One of them!" said Rainbow frantically, prodding the Dormouse to wake up. The tiny grey mare snunted awake, and drowsily confirmed that the March Hare had been drinking tea with her solidly for the last several months, Rainbow nodding all the while.

"In that case, I think someone may have set this all up to frame our poor pegasus friend..." Twilight's ears burned with anger at the implications he was making. "Do you have any ideas, Twilight Sparkle?"

"Don't even go there, Discord," she growled.

"Well, why don't you tell us what you know of this whole affair?"

"Nothing whatever," said the mare.

"Nothing whatever?"

"Nothing whatever!" she yelled.

"That's very important!" thundered Discord.

Twilight knew this was never going to end well, but now the reality was beginning to creep up on her. What was going to happen? There was no way Discord was just going to let her go after all. But still, she refused to give up; hope was her last bastion, and she intended to use it well.

"I do believe it's time to give you your sentence," said Discord, removing his sunglasses and rubbing his hands together.

"Don't be ridiculous, the jury hasn't even given the verdict yet!" protested Twilight.

"Urgh, very well."

A mare stood up and ran her hoof across the chaotic scribbles, ink blotches and half-formed ideas.

"We find the unicorn, Twilight Sparkle to be... um... hang on... ah! Innocent!"

Discord blanched.

"What?!" he hissed.

"I-Innocent," the mare repeated.

"Someone take her head off please," he ordered, and two playing cards dragged her out of the court room.

"Well, innocent or not, I feel that... for the safety of the kingdom, it is my duty to keep my eyes on you, my slippery little pony. As such, you are to be kept in the Vault."

"Vault?" questioned Twilight, though there was no mistaking that something with such a name was bound to be sinister.

"Don't worry, I'm sure you'll meet some familiar faces down there." Discord snapped his fingers, and Twilight found herself bound by coils of heavy, iron chains.

"This isn't fair, Discord!" Twilight yelled through the bindings.

"Has this only just occurred to you, Twilight Sparkle? Well done: life isn't fair. Let me explain." He grinned a terrible grin, he was enjoying toying with her. "In life, everything, even the very rocks themselves must face their trials: many of them crack, and many more are destroyed completely. Can you see where I'm going with this?"

"To be honest... no."

"Then allow me to elaborate. All around you is death and destruction, most merely turn a blind eye until it smacks them in the face one day like a wet eel might– but going back to rocks: they are ground into sand, and even then, the sand becomes atoms. Nothing is forever, everything has it's time and everything dies, all except one thing. Chaos. Or entropy, as you scientists call it in order to sound clever. Chaos merely grows with age, falling apart, tearing reality by its very seams; it's basic thermodynamics, as I'm sure you know."

"What is your point?"

"Why should I let you free? Why resist a power so absolute as me? What's the point?"

This struck Twilight harder than she expected. Discord could see her stunned expression and he smiled evilly.

"I..."

"You don't have the precious Elements of Harmony this time, Twilight Sparkle. Ganbatte; you're gonna need it."

Lost in the Dark

A Golden Afternoon
by Gallifrey

Chapter Seven
Lost in the Dark

Twilight heard a loud clang of metal, then silence. Not ordinary silence, but the type of deafening silence that comes with ominous situations.

All was dark.

Twilight, robbed of her sight, only had her other senses to rely on, and they weren't happy with what they were sensing. She was cold– that was the overarching feeling, a creeping cold that infected her flesh, relentless and uncaring, and she was uncomfortable; the floor felt as though it were made of stone, and there was no furniture in the room except for a small excuse for a toilet in the corner. The cell smelled of damp, the air was musty, breathed a hundred times before. Needless to say Twilight hated it.

Time didn't seem to exist... wherever she was. She lost track of it lost track of her. An eye for an eye.

Some days, or it may have been half an hour later, Twilight coughed, and a voice whispered in the perpetual night.

"H-hello?"

Twilight couldn't believe her ears. It was amongst the last voices she expected to hear.

"Princess?" she whispered, breath catching in her throat.

"My faithful student, where are you?"

"Over here," said Twilight stupidly.

"Come towards my voice," Celestia requested.

Twilight tried to light her horn up, wondering why she hadn't done this before; she found out when she immediately ran into a barrier in her mind, a dam that blocked the flow of her magic. Her brain throbbed painfully and she yelped.

"I'm afraid there's no using magic in here Twilight, there's an inhibitory field all around," said Celestia, correctly guessing Twilight's pain. "It's old magic to stop prisoners escape via the arcane."

Grumbling internally, Twilight crawled towards Celestia's beckoning like a blind beggar to a rich man jangling his pockets enticingly. Twilight's hoof met something warm and firm.

"Ah, found you!" said Twilight happily.

"Well, you found my rump at least," said Celestia, amusement in her voice.

Twilight pulled her hoof back and for once was glad of the dark, for it covered her furious blush.

"I'm sorry!" she squeaked.

"Twilight, you've known me more than long enough to know that shouldn't bother me."

"I-I know, but still..."

Twilight heard Celestia shift her weight, then felt a pair of hooves and wings wrap around her. Warmth, blessed warmth enveloped her, and Twilight was a little filly again, scampering to her mentor's sweet embrace after having a bad dream. Again, Twilight wasn't sure how long they remained like that, but the unicorn felt heat return to her blood, and her body and mind relax completely, as if she were literally putty in Celestia's hooves.

"Where are we?" Twilight half thought, half spoke.

The Vault of the castle, replied Celestia, through pure telepathy, "I don't recall ever showing you..."

"You didn't. Anyway, how are we doing this?

It's a skill, thought Celestia vaguely. Luna and I often converse in this fashion, it comes of being close to an alicorn I believe, I always used to wonder why it never worked with you, after all the years you've been under my proverbial wing.

"And literal," Twilight murmured, poking at the soft, downy appendages that hugged her.

And literal, she agreed, and Twilight felt her chuckle. Do you remember how I used to put you to bed?

Twilight shifted in embarrassment.

Really? Are we doing this?

I used to tuck you in...

Please no.

Give you a mug of cocoa and a cookie...

Nooo, Twilight squirmed.

And I sang you a lullaby: and so Celestia did.

"Twilight, the time has come, for you to wake up to your dreams,

Go forth, explore the world, where nothing's as it seems.

The Sun has gone to bed, and settled down into the west,

Sleep soft until once more it rises 'bove the crest.

Stars, moons and shooting stars will wheel over your head tonight,

Sleep well in her embrace and rest, my dear Twilight..."

As gut wrenchingly embarrassing as it was, Twilight felt a welcome wave of nostalgia wash over her, almost forgetting that she was trapped in a prison.

"You know," she said eventually, "it's nice to hear something so familiar again, when the whole world around me is falling apart. It's like it's something to hold onto, build a foundation upon."

Celestia smiled, and even though Twilight couldn't see, she knew she was.

Where's Luna? asked Twilight, wondering for the first time where the Princess of the Night was hiding.

She's sleeping, Celestia answered. She does that a lot these days, to escape the misery that is this existence. I'm too paranoid myself to spend much time sleeping... I fear what Discord may do to us.

"He doesn't hurt you does he?" questioned the unicorn fearfully.

"If he does, we don't remember it, but still... I'm sorry my dear..." Celestia took a hold of one of Twilight's hooves and guided it to her own belly. Twilight could feel, under her snow white coat, a moderately sized cut in her skin. The lavender mare was shocked.

"D-did he do that?" she trembled.

I can't even remember: this may be from the struggle when he captured us, or at least, that's what I hope transpired... I dread to think he's descended that far into madness... Discord and I have a long history you see.

Inside her head, Twilight could hear the barely contained distress in her teacher's voice. A question fluttered on the tip of her tongue, a question she wondered if she dare ask.

What kind of history? she asked, so very tentatively.

There was a pregnant pause, and Celestia froze quite still. Twilight fretted that she may have crossed a line with her mentor. The Princess of the Sun cleared her throat, opened her mouth to speak, then closed it again. Finally, she began:

I suppose it's always best to start at the beginning said Celestia with her mind. She sounded hesitant, even scared.

Princess, you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, replied Twilight, exasperated, trying to save the Princess from her uncomfortable situation. The unicorn felt another chuckle escape from Celestia.

"Really, Twilight, you don't have to do that for me. It's more of an issue to simply recall it, you understand, it must have been... oh, two thousand years ago now." Another pause. "It may surprise you to know, but Discord wasn't always the mischievous anarchist he is today; he actually used to be quite the sweetheart..." she trailed off. "I won't go into it too much, but suffice to say, we were very close to one another– perhaps too close..."

"H-How do you mean?" Twilight quivered.

"Are you familiar with the common phrase that I shine as bright as the Sun itself?" Feeling Twilight's nod, she continued. "Well, in some respects, it can be true, and I fear that in getting close to me, he got burned. It wasn't his fault, but my duties constantly occupied so much of my time; he grew agitated, as is only natural. We drifted further and further apart, snatching but glimpses of one another, and he began despising the order of the country, and that my maintaining it had kept us apart. It led to his eventual rage... and you know what happened after that."

Twilight recalled the stone statue, it must have been a constant, tortuous reminder for Celestia. Twilight wondered why she kept it in the Royal Gardens and not locked away deep in some forsaken chamber.

"How can you bear it?" asked Twilight.

"You've never met Time have you Twilight?"

"Oh not you too!" exclaimed the unicorn.

"It's quite impossible to live as long as I do and not know Time well, isn't that right Lunes?" Celestia stood up and prodded the sleeping alicorn across the room.

"Huh," came a sleepy groan. "Five more minutes 'Tia!"

"We have a guest," said Celestia smoothly.

Luna stretched, grumbling, and rose to her hooves.

"Hello, Princess," said Twilight.

"Twilight Sparkle, is that you?"

Twilight threw herself where she imagined Luna would be and hugged her tightly.

"It's so nice to see you again, my friend," said Luna. "Though I must offer my condolences for the circumstance of our meeting."

"Speaking of that," said Twilight, "is there any way out of here?"

"If there is, it's not for lack of trying," said Luna, "just the other day, 'Tia tried to seduce her old boyfriend in an effort to get the keys to our cell off him."

"Lunes!" exclaimed a shocked Celestia.

"It didn't work," said Luna with barely contained laughter, "not even when she flashed him her royal–"

"Enough," said Celestia firmly, enough to halt Luna in her tracks.

It was night... possibly, and Twilight was settling down as best she could to sleep in the uncomfortable cell. Celestia draped a wing over her, which gave her both a duvet and a feeling of security. Staring into the utter blackness as her mind wound down, Twilight saw the first thing she had in a day or so. It was a smile, and she had a good idea of just whose it was.

"Well well, somebody's got themselves into a right heap of trouble," came the low voice of the Cheshire Cat through the gloom.

"Cheshire!" whispered Twilight excitedly, "We need help getting out of here!"

"That, you do."

Twilight waited.

"Help?" said the unicorn lamely.

"Well, I suppose I could, but it's more a question of whether I should." said the Cat. Twilight was perplexed. "I mean, the King has deemed you all dangerous enough to be locked up here, and I don't much fancy breaking laws willy-nilly to help you escape."

"What do you mean? He's a controlling tyrant! He–"

"So are the Guardians of the Sun and Moon if you want to think of it like that," said the Cat slyly, "they make their own laws and enforce them do they not? It's all a matter of perspective."

"I don't understand, why are you–"

"I am impartial. Good and Evil do not concern me."

Twilight snorted angrily. "Well if you aren't going to be of any help, why did you even come down here?"

"I have something important to say: he is coming." And with that, the Cat vanished.

Twilight shuffled closer to her Princess, having a good idea of just who he might be. She closed her eyes and drifted into a broken sleep.

Inside Job

A Golden Afternoon
by Gallifrey

Chapter Eight
Inside Job

Twilight woke to the cold clang of metal on metal. Someone had opened the door, and a blaze of light streamed in– it was in fact merely a small lantern, but it shone like the Sun to those who lived in perpetual night.

Get behind me, said Celestia to Twilight.

The sound of hoofsteps drew nearer and nearer, as did the light. Rounding a corner, Luna squinted to see who it was.

"Master Macintosh?" she said, surprised.

Setting the lantern down, the face of Big Macintosh revealed itself. "Eyyup!" he said. "You might be wonderin' why ah'm down here..." He reached round to the saddle bag he was wearing and jangled a set of keys before them.

"How did you get those?" asked Celestia breathlessly, as Twilight peeked her head around the Princess' frame.

Big Macintosh just tapped his nose knowingly. "Being the steward 'round here does have its benefits. Ah've been waiting for the King to be busy so you can get out. He's playing some fancy game with hedgehogs and flamingos– never understood it mahself. Now, let's get y'all outta here."

Big Macintosh searched for the correct key, and once they were out, they tip-hoofed their way up stairwells, through rooms and corridors, until they reached the handsome oak doors, painted with the promise of freedom.

"Thanks," said Twilight simply and gratefully, hugging the red stallion.

"Aw shucks, ain't no problem Miss Twilight. You best get out before you're seen."

"Stop right there, criminal scum!

"Aw honeysuckle," cursed the stallion.

Two guards had found them. Bolting for the doors, the four ponies threw themselves into it, forcing them open into the early morning. Sprinting across the grounds, they made a beeline for the tall iron gates. The alarm had already been raised however, and more guards at the gates hurried to wrench them shut.

"We're trapped!" yelled Big Macintosh.

"Stop!" shouted Celestia. A cloud of dust kicked up as they screeched to a halt. "Twilight, Luna, we need to teleport out of here now!" Go to Applejack's, she added with her mind.

They nodded and Twilight grabbed Big Macintosh's hoof.

"Brace yourself, this is gonna feel weird," warned Twilight.

"What d'ya–" Big Mac began, but he was silenced by a sudden constricting feeling around him as well as a dissolution of reality. He couldn't breathe, and he started panicking a little bit; but as soon as it began, it was over– He gave himself a once over, and then he toppled to the floor. "Never again," he groaned.

"You're welcome," said Twilight, helping him up.

The stallion looked up to the barn house he was now in front of. "Where is this place?" he asked, apparently not recognising it.

"This is the home of Applejack, Guardian of the Stars," said Celestia. "Though I don't suppose you know her," she added sadly.

"Can't say that ah do," said Big Mac absently as Applejack left her house to greet her new arrivals.

"Boy howdy! You got out alive!" she said, sounding surprised and relieved at the same time. She looked at Big Macintosh with a curious eye. "Have... have we met, sir? You look awful familiar."

"You look awful familiar to me too ah reckon," said the stallion.

Twilight, Celestia and Luna gave each other hopeful looks and trotted inside at Applejack's invitation, sitting themselves round the kitchen table. Celestia closed her eyes and a few seconds later, bright sunlight streamed in through the windows, bathing them in warm orange glow.
Collapsing into her seat, Twilight blinked at the influx of light, still not adjusted from her dark confines.

"It's nice to have it back," said Celestia serenely. "But we have more pressing matters at hoof. We need to stop the King, and fast."

"Yes, but how?" questioned Luna, resting her head on a hoof.

Celestia paused, as if wondering whether to voice what was on her mind. "There was something the Cheshire Cat said to me at one point that piqued my interest... I suspect it's merely wishful thinking on my part... but it makes too much sense."

"Tell us anyway," said Applejack, "anything is better than nothing right now."

"It's that poem it likes to recite," said Celestia, "particularly the verse

"She took her vorpal sword in hoof:

Long time the manxome foe she sought–

So rested she by the Tumtum tree,

And lay awhile in thought.

"It's as if it knows something we don't," Celestia speculated, "and I happen to know about such blades."

"Hey! Vorpal weapons are my territory," barked Luna. Celestia graciously gestured for Luna to continue. "Ahem, as I say: vorpal blades are fashioned from starlight, namely by myself in years long passed. Unfortunately, and to my regret they were used to devastating effect shortly before my... absence... but let it be known that they are swords of unparalleled beauty and menace. But we are in luck, my little ponies," she said, turning to Applejack, "for we have the largest single source of starlight but a hundred yards away!"

"That's true!" said Applejack, "You're more than welcome ta use it if it's gonna set things straight 'round here."

"But first," said Celestia, holding a hoof up, "we need to consider the previous way you defeated Discord, Twilight. I feel as though the Elements will play an important role in this."

Twilight, who had been sat listening quietly, blanched. "What?! Princess, you can't be serious! Half of them don't even know who they are!"

"Is it so?" said Celestia with furrowed brows. "Nevertheless, I have full confidence in you as always, my faithful student."

Twilight responded by placing her face firmly into the table in front of her.

Princess Luna was sitting by a small fire, magic flowing freely through her horn, as she sang sweet melodies to the starlight in her thrall.

It was night, and the Princess bathed in the light of her Moon as she fashioned the starlight to her designs. The air carried the blending of many flowers; it was like travelling back in time for the alicorn. Memories of long ago, as well as certain types of pudding swam through her consciousness as she wove the light together. So deep was her reverie, she didn't realise someone had approached her out of the dark.

"How long until it is ready, Luna?" asked Celestia.

"You never did have any patience did you, 'Tia?" she chuckled.

Celestia frowned. "Play nice. I just want this nightmare over with, it worries me. Especially now I've learnt that he's stripped the ponies of their very personalities again, it's almost like killing them..."

"Don't worry, I shall be done in a few hours; by the morning, dear Twilight will be able to save Equestria yet again I'm sure, but... sister, there is something that bothers me greatly about this."

"What is it?" asked Celestia,

"What is this sword's purpose if not to kill?" she said, her usually steady voice wavering slightly. "Will our young unicorn have to murder him?"

If Celestia was shocked by this thought, she didn't show it. She merely sat in silence, staring up at the stars, sparkling like the tears she was trying to hold back.

"I... uh, I have considered this," she croaked at last. "I don't know what else to do. There are no Elements of Harmony here, so that's out of the question. The Cat is reciting its poem as though it knows this must happen... if there is a way around it I know it not, which is why I'm trusting this task to Twilight: if there is a way, she will find it... is that selfish of me?"

"Yes, it is a little," replied her ever honest and blunt sister, "but I agree, there is no better pony for this than young Twilight Sparkle."

"I just don't want him to die..." Celestia whimpered.

Luna gave her a glance of sympathy, then returned to her intricate designs.

Everything was spinning. Her life, her friends, they flashed before her eyes, galloping into view to be swiftly jerked away. There was a hall, there was a choice, there was darkness...

Twilight awoke with a start, sitting bolt upright. She took a cautionary sweep around the bedroom: everything seemed to be in order, from the moonlight peeking between the curtains, to the steady ticking of the clock on the wall.

"Just a dream, dreams can't hurt you... as far as I'm aware."

She slipped back between the sheets and made an attempt to render herself unconscious for a few more hours, to no avail. Grunting in irritation, she cut her losses and decided to simply wake up. Meandering sleepily across the room, she half walked, half stumbled down the dark stairs of Applejack's house to the kitchen for some juice.

Twilight's ears twitched, she could hear a voice on the air. Levitating her cup of apple juice, she ventured outside to find the Princess of the Night at work.

"Oft I heard her sing a song,

A song of silver misery,

Through the dawn the heavens broke,

I wonder if she thought of me.

"An emblem of stony grey,

An ode to years long gone by,

Lace the truth with honeyed words,

The flames of war billow high..."

Twilight approached her quietly, listening intently to the song being sung, coming to rest beside the alicorn.

"Goodness Twilight, you should be resting!" said Luna, surprised at Twilight's sudden appearance.

"I couldn't sleep, besides, your singing is much more restful than an unfamiliar bed."

Luna's cheeks tinged pink at the compliment as she turned over the sword she was crafting. It was almost finished now, the handle and crossbar engraved with many intricate swirling details. Jutting out, shiny and razor sharp was the blade, which held lethal potential. Twilight gulped at the sight of it.

"I'm sorry," murmured Luna, as she filed the blade further. "Will you be able to wield it if necessary?" Twilight remained silent. "I thought as much. You should get back to bed. I'll use my magic to give you a restful sleep."

Twilight nodded and croaked a "thanks."

Adjusting the crescent Moon's course through the heavens, Luna could've sworn she saw two eyes swim into existence over it, smiling down at her.

"It's over... it's done," sighed an exhausted Luna, leaning over her finished artwork. For it was a piece of art, dazzling keenly in the young day's light, like a glint in an eager eye. The sword's creator retired back to the house, where upon she entered a breakfast scene.

Sunlight danced across the kitchen, and Applejack was methodically flipping pancakes over her shoulder onto the dining table, where the rest were sitting with hungry and grateful eyes.

There was a collective "Ooooh," of admiration as it was laid between the pancakes and juice. Celestia looked at it with a mingled look of hope and loathing, whilst Twilight's expression was unreadable. Reaching out a purple hoof, she grasped it by its hilt and the blade shone brilliant white for a second. Surprised, Twilight looked to Luna for an explanation.

"I-I don't know what that was," she said, a curious look on her face, "I've never seen a vorpal weapon act as such before..." She frowned and picked it up herself, nothing. Frowning all the more, she passed it around the table, from Celestia, to Applejack... it happened again.

"What is it doing?" asked Twilight, "Why Applejack but not Celestia?"

Luna gave a shrug that clearly said: "I don't have a bucking clue," and looked at Applejack, who seemed to be in a daze.

"AJ, you alright?" asked Twilight worriedly.

"Ah'm fine..." she said slowly. She shook her head and took in her surroundings with confusion. "Princesses, why're y'all here in my house? Is somethin' important going on? And what's this here shiny sword?" She passed it to Big Macintosh while Twilight took to observing her shrewdly.

Big Macintosh grasped the sword in his large hoof, but there was no burst of light. He was however, in the same state as Applejack, confused and slightly disoriented.

"Uh, sis, what's going on? What are the Royal Sisters and Miss Twilight doin' here? Not that ah'm complaining o' course," he added kindly. "It's always nice to have such purdy guests after all."

"Alright, simmer down you," said Applejack, rolling her eyes.

Twilight, Celestia and Luna glanced at each other.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" asked Twilight.

"That Big Macintosh is flirting with us?" whispered Celestia hopefully.

"What?! No! Well, maybe a little, but no!" said Twilight, flustered. "That sword seemed to restore their memories to before Discord's influence affected them."

"How convenient," said Luna dryly.

"That aside, this gives us a distinct advantage," said Celestia.

"You're right, it'll be a lot easier to confront him if the girls are in their right minds. It's just like last time I guess."

"Except he's progressed further than last time and is far more dangerous; promise me you'll be careful."

Twilight stood up, looking determined. "I promise," she declared. "With my friends beside me I know I can achieve anything."

Celestia smiled weakly. "Exactly the answer I hoped you'd give," she murmured.

Meanwhile, Applejack and Big Macintosh were watching the unfolding conversation with mild interest.

"What in the hay are they talkin' about?" asked the red stallion.

"Beats me if ah know, but I'm guessin' the gist is that Discord is back– again and it's up to us ta stop him– again." She took hold of the sword from Big Macintosh and admired it appreciatively, but not appreciatively enough to notice the two tiny gems of purple and orange that had appeared on the crossbar.

A Touch of Vorpal

A Golden Afternoon
by Gallifrey

Chapter Nine
A Touch of Vorpal

Twilight and Applejack bade farewell to the Princesses and Big Macintosh late that morning, and were now enjoying lunch under a great lumbering tree that stood alone on top of a hill. Its trunk was enormous and distinctly out of proportion with its small branches and leaves. Twilight was strongly reminded of the unusual baobab trees she had seen on a field trip to the Zebrahara when she was a young teenager, so alien, yet familiar all at once. She picked up her sword again and fiddled with it in her hooves, lying on her back and closing her eyes.

What was it about her life in particular that landed her in these situations? Why was she the Element of Magic? Was it simply because she was talented at it? No, that seemed far too trivial, and arrogant to boot. Was it because she was the star student of Princess Celestia? Possibly... but still... maybe it was something like destiny.

The studious and bookish unicorn tended not to believe in notions as ambiguous as destiny but she couldn't shake off a niggling feeling, not unlike the feeling she got whenever Pinkie Pie demonstrated her Pinkie Sense.

Thinking of Pinkie Pie, Twilight returned to the subverted 'reality' she had to live in, and noticed that the sky was now yellow...

Never did like yellow, sorry Fluttershy, she thought.

"C'mon AJ, we best get moving if we're gonna find the others before the day is out: Discord's probably already looking for us." She dreaded what would happen if he found them, so she cast the thought aside from her mind.

"No complaints from me, Twi, this tree's starting ta creep me out, what'd ya call it again? A Tumtum tree?"

"Er... a baobab," said Twilight absently, then bolted her head round to look squarely at her earth pony friend. "Did you say Tumtum?"

"Yeah, so? Not all of us have a university education ya know," said Applejack defensively.

"No no, I mean that's exactly what the Cheshire Cat said would happen!

"So rested she, by the Tumtum tree, and lay a while in thought. I-I wonder how the story ends..."

"You okay sugarcube?" asked Applejack, seeing Twilight's fretful face and putting a comforting hoof on her shoulder.

"I'll be fine," returned the unicorn, sniffing and looking in a vaguely promising direction. "Let's try over there."

"Just half a cup," said Rainbow Dash, as Pinkie took out a knife and sliced the teacup in two.

"Here you are," chirped Pinkie, handing it to her friend. She was back to her old self, despite being threatened with losing her head but a day ago. "Sugar?"

"Minus one please, I'm on a diet," returned the pegasus.

Pinkie nodded and placed a spoon into the tea, to withdraw it laden with sugar. Kicking her legs back with her own tea she began to muse.

"Tell me, what's the difference between a cupcake, teacake, a cup of tea or a cup of cake?"

"You can only drink the tea?" offered the pegasus. Pinkie looked thoughtful.

"But what if I were to freeze the tea?" she asked. "Then you could eat it."

Rainbow scratched her head, then decided, "Perhaps it's that a cup of tea is the only one that isn't made of cake." She looked smugly triumphant.

"But what if the teacup were made of cake?"

"Then it'd be a cup of cake, or even a cup of teacake."

Twilight Sparkle and Applejack heard the entirety of the riveting discussion as they approached the two mares.

"No room, no room!" they chanted upon sight of the ponies approaching their table.

"Please, enough nonsense," said Twilight in a bored voice, "I need your help."

The two mares immediately shut up and put their heads together. A few seconds later, Rainbow raised her head. "Why?"

"Given from what I've seen, why do you two need a reason at all?" countered Twilight.

"Touché," admitted Rainbow.

"Hold on! What's that?" asked Pinkie excitedly, pointing at the shiny something that was conveniently poking out of the saddle bag Applejack was carrying.

"Oh, it's nothing, really. Like, really," said Twilight in an enticing voice.

Pinkie bounced up from her seat and hopped over to Applejack. She examined the shiny something closely then placed a curious hoof upon the handle, just as Twilight had planned.

"What does it dooooo..." Pinkie began before her legs buckled and she fell face first into the thick blue grass.

"What happened?" asked Rainbow, approaching her now unusually docile friend. "Is she okay?" The pegasus poked at Pinkie's rump through the tailcoats a few times, then glanced first to Twilight, then to the table, then to Applejack. "Tea..." she muttered, "Tea... tea usually fixes things."

"Tea?" questioned Applejack.

"Don't even ask," sighed Twilight, "I think I've had enough tea for a lifetime."

"Here, have this," said Rainbow, offering Pinkie some very strong earl grey by pouring it into her open mouth.

The pink pony's tongue licked her lips at the taste and her eyes shot open. "Huh? Where am I?" She pulled herself up and took a sweeping glance around. With a puzzled expression she removed her top hat and her eyes lit up when she saw the '10/6.' "Oh boy! I'm in a crossover; I love crossovers!"

Applejack and Twilight's eyes met, and mutually decided to let it slide.

"What have you done to her?" asked Rainbow worriedly.

"What are you talking about, Rainbow?" bubbled Pinkie, "Isn't this exciting?! We can go and meet the Queen of Hearts and make her mad and–"

"It's the King, Pinkie, and he's Discord. We're also past what could be described as 'mad,' more... murderous, I suppose."

"Well that doesn't sound fun at all," said Pinkie, literally deflating as well as figuratively.

"Turn her back. Please, I'm scared," said Rainbow, the teapot in her hooves trembling slightly.

With thoughtful intent, Applejack strode over to the pegasus. "Now look here sugarcube, all ya gotta do is touch that there sword and–"

"Nononono!" shouted Rainbow, backing away rapidly. "It's a trap!"

"Ah promise it's perfectly fine!" called Applejack, taking the sword and following the blue mare.

"So, which character are you, Twilight?" asked Pinkie conversationally, while Applejack chased a panicking blue pony, brandishing the sword.

"I don't understand the question," said Twilight, wanting nothing more than for this to be over and to have a nice, peaceful night's sleep. It was quite a contrast to the reality, as a shrieking blur whisked past her, with a snorting earth pony galavanting in tow.

"Well, have you been sitting on a mushroom or smoking anything recently?"

"I don't think so, but all things considered, I actually hope I've been smoking something so this might all be a hallucination–"

There was a loud crashing sound of broken china as Rainbow attempted to vault the table, and failed.

"So you're not the Caterpillar. Um... how about rabbit holes, fell down any of them recently?"

"Y-yes actually."

"Ahhh," said Pinkie, realisation spreading over her face like butter over bread.

"STOP CHASING ME YOU MANIAC! DON'T MAKE ME USE THE TEA!"

Something in Twilight's brain snapped. Whirling around, she took control of the situation before her. With her magic, she halted Rainbow Dash in her tracks. It was no mean feat, and with hooves flailing, the blue pony struggled valiantly against the magical grip, but Twilight won out, and Applejack poked her with the blunt side of the sword.

Rainbow went limp instantly and actually fell asleep as the sword flared brightly.

"Uh, Twi? She's gone and fell asleep."

"Well of course she has, she's Rainbow," said Twilight, chuckling.

Taking a sprig of grass from the ground, Applejack tickled Rainbow's nose, causing the blue mare to giggle.

"Hahaha! AJ! Stop it!" she laughed. "Where am I?"

"You are... somewhere– possibly Whitetail Wood," said Twilight, looking at the scenery.

"More importantly: what the hell is this?" she exclaimed, pulling at the scruffy rabbit costume she was wearing.

"You can ask Discord that the next time we see him."

"Discord?!" She leapt up into the air, tearing off her costume. "What's he doing this time?"

"It's too long to explain, but you'll see soon enough."

Rainbow looked over to the table under the tree. "Uh, what's with all the teapots and stuff on the table?"

"Like I said, too much to explain," replied Twilight, preparing to leave again. "But you spent a long long time sitting at it."

"But I don't even like tea," Rainbow murmured as Twilight gave her a nudge in the direction of the Caterpillar.

Rarity was lounging around on her mushroom as the world slipped by, not much caring for her existence, just as she liked it. She took a draw of smoke and blew some pretty rings in the air, whilst thinking of nothing more than how she was a little peckish.

She heard a far away rustling sound in the distance as she slunk off her enormous fungi, and fancied hearing a few irritable voices on the air; but then again she fancied many things, chief among which were some flowers that were growing nearby. Picking up the hookah awkwardly with her magic, the fabulous mare stumbled through the undergrowth to her destination.

"So, what were we taking about?" asked Scootaloo.

"I swear it was around here somewhere," said Twilight apologetically, cantering through the thick vegetation, looking for her goal.

"I'm bored," complained Pinkie.

"And ah'm hungry," said Applejack, eyeing up a nearby apple tree like the connoisseur she was and bucking it hard, causing the leaves to all rustle as one and several apples fell gracefully to the ground– and onto Rainbow's head.

"Ow! AJ, that hurt!" said the pegasus irritably.

"It's not like I planned it ta fall on yer head, Rainbow!" countered Applejack.

"Shhh!" said Twilight, so forcefully it shut them up. "I can't concentrate with you two bickering."

In the silence that fell, Twilight could hear a voice to her left.

"So, what were we talking about?"

Rarity licked her lips at the sight of such delectable looking flowers. The fact that they were talking meant little to her in the face of such tastiness.

"Oh hey!" called Applebloom, "What's your name?"

"I?" said Rarity, "I am the Caterpillar."

At the word 'caterpillar,' the three girls shivered and looked at each other fearfully, backing away as much as a rooted thing can.

Sweetie Belle took the initiative to shout "Help!" and it turned out to be a life-saving decision, because four mares crashed through the branches to arrive at the scene.

"Rarity, no!" yelled Applejack, looking up at the flowers. "One of 'em's my sister!"

"Well, I can hardly help that now, can I?" said Rarity distantly as she gazed longingly at the flowers.

"But one's your sister too!" the earth pony bellowed, losing her head.

"I– my sister..." said a puzzled Rarity, still eyeing the flowers longingly.

"Urgh, forget this fancy-schmancy talking: that's more your thing Twi. I'm a mare of action."

Rainbow, catching the drift of where Applejack was going, gave a devilish grin and tossed Applejack the vorpal sword. Rarity shrieked at the sight of the lethal blade, and ran.

"Gosh-darnit, not this again," sighed the cowpony.

Pinkie Pie whipped out a bag of popcorn from the aether and began munching on it as she cheered on Applejack.

"Come on AJ! Get her, get her!"

Holding onto the sword with her tail, the earth pony launched herself less than gracefully into the air, and landed on top of her unicorn friend. There was a tangled mess of orange and white as the two tumbled across the ground, sword swinging ominously. When they eventually came to a halt, it became clear that Applejack had won out, bearing over her struggling unicorn friend with a triumphant expression; taking the sword, she shoved it roughly into Rarity's hoof. As expected, Rarity calmed down as her eyes glazed over, though whether this was due to the magic the sword possessed, or more simply the alluring glowing shininess of the weapon was unclear. What was clear, however, was that the fashionista was most likely enraptured with both.

"Hello girls," she said slightly blearily, tearing her eyes off the sword. "Wh-wh–"

"Where are ya?" Applejack offered helpfully.

"No no; what's this terrible taste in my mouth?" she asked, nose wrinkled and tongue stuck out in mild disgust.

"Probably this do-hicky," said Rainbow Dash, prodding the fallen hookah, which had been lying, forlorn and forgotten on the ground, and was now glad that someone was paying it some attention again.

"I've been smoking that?!" exclaimed the white unicorn, "Goodness, what in Celestia's good name possessed me to take up smoking of all things?"

"Because that's what the writer of the first story told the writer of this story to do," explained Pinkie, in the manner a mare tells a foal that one plus one equals two.

"I uh..." began Rarity, but was distracted by her delayed recognition of the hardy perennials that were her sister and her two friends. "Sweetie Belle... f-flower... I don't even..." and then she fainted.

"We're not that ugly are we?" asked Applebloom, disheartened at Rarity's reaction to them.

"No, it's just not every day you see your sister as a flower," interjected Twilight, bringing forth logic into the conversation.

"Anyway, how are we gonna wake her up?" asked Rainbow, looking at the inanimate mare lying in front of them.

"We're not," said Applejack shortly, grabbing her friend's fabulous tail in her mouth and dragging her across the ground.

"Is that the best idea?" asked Twilight concernedly, "You know how Rarity gets if she gets mud on her."

"That's none of mah concern when the world is bein' threatened by chaos!" snorted Applejack through a mouthful of tail.

Twilight conceded it was a very good point and so guided the party onwards, back to Discord's castle.

Callooh, Callay!

A Golden Afternoon
by Gallifrey

Chapter Ten
Callooh, Callay!

Rarity was not at all happy when she woke up to discover that her mane looked like it had been dragged through a hedge backwards, and was outraged when she was told that that's exactly what had happened. About four times.

Currently, the five mares were lined up, not outside the imposing gates to the castle, but by the small hole Twilight had previously used to gain entry. All eyes were on it, especially Twilight's, who had no desire to ever enter it again.

"Do we have to?" the unicorn pleaded.

"You led us here," said Rainbow, puzzled.

Twilight danced nervously on her hooves. She found it darkly amusing that she was more scared of this tunnel than she was of the Lord of Chaos who was on the other side of it. "Can't we just use the gates?" she asked.

The other four ponies exchanged glances, and Rarity took it upon herself to explain.

"Twilight darling, if we use the gate, we may as well have a huge banner that reads: 'We're out here! Come and get us!'"

"Ooh! Ooh! I have a banner here somewhere," said Pinkie, whipping off her hat and pulling out a big red flag. "What did you want writing on it Rares?"

"What? Pinkie, no banners!" sighed Rarity.

"Aww," sulked the pink pony, pushing the fabric back into the hat that was far too small to logically contain it. "Shall we just go into the hole then?" she asked.

"Yes," said Applejack, "Twi, you go on in first, we'll all be right behind ya."

A bead of sweat fell off Twilight's brow as she swallowed and steeled herself. Nodding, she reluctantly but determinedly lowered herself into the cold earth, Rainbow Dash following in pursuit.

"Nice angle of you Twi," sniggered Rainbow Dash, as Twilight's rump moved from to side to side in the near darkness.

"Wish ah could say the same," said Applejack dryly from behind the blue pegasus. Laughter from Pinkie and Rarity came from the back. Twilight would have laughed too if she weren't so convinced she was about to die; the tunnel felt much longer than it had done before...

Eventually, the tunnel widened up, but instead of the open exit she anticipated, Twilight was instead confronted with what appeared to be a trapdoor. While she was hesitating, Rainbow bumped into Twilight's rear.

"Hey what gives?" asked Rainbow.

"There's a door," trembled Twilight, giving it an experimental prod; it didn't move.

"Open it then," came Rainbow's voice from behind her.

"Oh, yes," Twilight replied absently, forgetting in her discomfort that she could even use magic. Pressing a hoof to her face, Rainbow groaned as Twilight nudged the lock into opening and tentatively stuck her head out. Relishing the fresh air that greeted her, Twilight was surprised to find that she was inside the castle: in fact, it was part of the castle that by all means should have been impossible to reach via a tunnel.

"Where are we?" asked Pinkie when she emerged. Twilight gathered her thoughts and straightened them out so she could reply.

"My old bedroom from when I was a filly," she whispered, "at the top of the Aurora Tower– b-but what has he done to it?"

Her bed had been flipped over and broken at its middle; Twilight was very fond of her old bed, but that was the least of her concerns right now. Dolls that she had left behind, small plushes of the Wonderbolts that would have made Rainbow jealous, Jammy the hedgehog and Little Miss Buzzy the stuffed bumblebee were hanging from the ceiling with ropes around their necks, swinging creepily. Her eyes slid down to the wall, where the words 'YOU NEVER HAD ANY FRIENDS' were written via slashes in her wallpaper. But worst of all, for Twilight at least, was what fate that had befallen her books. They were mutilated, some beyond recognition; pages torn from spines, covers rent with vicious slashes, and all their meaning lost. A thousand adventures she had enjoyed as a child, a thousand dreams, dead, ripped and strewn across the floor before her.

Falling to her haunches, Twilight let out a pathetic whimper. Applejack was the first to comfort her, rushing to her side and throwing open her hooves to hug the distressed mare.

"W-Why is he doing this?" sniffed Twilight, "That's my childhood, and he's destroyed it entirely!"

"Shhshhshh," comforted Applejack while the others looked on in sympathy. "He's trying ta make you lose hope sugar cube, by taking away what's important to ya, like when he tried to take us from you last time; it didn't work then and it won't work now."

"B-but it's true!" she wailed, pointing at the writing on the wall.

"I- uh," faltered the cowpony, looking at her friends for help.

Pinkie took over.

"Hey, Twi?" she said gently. One of Twilight's ears pointed in her direction to show she was listening. "Who did you have when you were young? You had the Princess, you had your brother, you had your parents. It's a big fat lie to say that you didn't have any friends!"

"But they were all a lot older than I was!" Twilight sniffled into Applejack's fur.

"Your brother is only a year older than Flutters, ya know," the pink mare observed.

"Well, you're right there," admitted Twilight, raising her head to look at her friends, the friends she had now. The ponies who mattered. Sniffing, she drew a hoof across her face to wipe her eyes. A smile crept over her muzzle and she held out her hooves in an invitation for a group hug.

Up above, and unnoticed, the toys of Twilight Sparkle's childhood detached themselves from the ceiling and drifted sinisterly over to the huddle of pastel colours.

Twilight surfaced for air and was greeted by Little Miss Buzzy floating like a marionette, exactly like a marionette. Shifting her gaze up, she was greeted by the grin of one of the last things she wanted to see: the Cheshire Cat, who was manipulating the toys around her.

"Cheshire," she said stiffly.

"Twilight, good to see you," it said, dropping the toys with a clatter and bringing the attention of the others.

"Goodness me, your fur!" said Rarity without thinking, seeing its mangy and ill-kept hair.

"It's nice to know what you think of me," said the Cat with a voice so neutral, litmus would have been useless.

"Sorry?" Rarity ventured, unable to tell if it was offended or not.

"What are you doing here?" questioned Twilight, still slightly coldly.

"I have a present for you," it said and snapped a paw, causing a puff of smoke, which cleared to reveal a Fluttershy.

The timid yellow mare stumbled slightly at her unexpected teleportation. As was entirely expected, fear gripped the pegasus and she panicked, eyes darting to each of the five mares. Hooves scrabbling over loose pages from books, she threw herself behind the bed with an "Eeep!", her long pink tail sticking out.

"Fluttershy?" said Twilight as gently as she could, nodding at Applejack, who readied the sword.

"Don't hurt me! Please, I'll do anything you want!" she squeaked.

*pomf!*

Rarity tilted her head to Rainbow Dash, an eyebrow raised. Rainbow gave her a sheepish grin and blushed furiously.

Twilight, intent on soothing her petrified friends, didn't notice this and continued.

"You know, I have a fuzzy lil' bunny with me that might need some medicine for his cough," she said nonchalantly. It worked like a charm, and Fluttershy zipped out from her hiding place, her usually soft eyes wide open and excited.

"Yarrgh!" yelled Applejack, diving on Fluttershy before she could even react. There was a strangled yelp and a bright flash of light.

Twilight breathed a sigh of what little relief she could afford. At least all her friends were back in their right minds, and Twilight felt much braver: together, they were nigh on unstoppable.

"Hey Twilight, check this out!" said Pinkie, jabbing a pink hoof at the sword. Standing next to Pinkie, Twilight saw three luminous jewels of white, yellow and orange embedded in the crossbar. Twilight turned it over in her hooves to reveal the blue, purple and pink gems on the other side.

"They look like the Elements of Harmony, but tiny," said Twilight in an awed voice.

"It adds to the magnificence of it," commented Rarity with wide eyes.

"Oh hoho! What's all this then?" said a certain disembodied voice. Fluttershy seized up and fell into Rainbow Dash's sides.

Twilight, suddenly rapt and alert, spoke out.

"Discord," she muttered, trying to sound much braver than she felt. "This is far enough. You don't have to be like this!"

"Please, spare me the lectures. I am here to deliver a message."

"A message?" asked the unicorn, thrown off guard.

A chuckle as dark as coal and even more abrasive permeated the room.

"Time is running out my dear,

Smile at the death of the Sun,

A flame ignites of doubt and fear,

Stand and fight or run.

"A linear arena springs to mind,

Time to perform your best,

If you're willing would you be so kind,

And play a game of chess?"

He let the message sink in, before saying

"Ta ta for now, I expect I'll see you shortly."

Silence reigned.

"Uh, what was that about?" asked Rainbow Dash.

Twilight was rubbing her temples. She couldn't believe this. What was the point of that? Was he trying to scare them with vague riddles, playing on a primal fear of the unknown? If so, it had worked quite well on Fluttershy, who was still cowering.

A game of chess... that didn't make sense at all for Twilight; why was he challenging her to chess of all things? She was certain that the draconequus could easily strike them down if he so wished, so why didn't he? Why would he stop himself? A gleam of comprehension glimmered in her eyes: he was toying with them, like Twilight's stuffed animals. He was treating them like marionettes from a string– or, at least, he had been until Twilight had slashed all the strings with her sword.

The cogs whirred in Twilight's mind.

So now... he was trying to regain his dominion over them with bodiless voices whispering vague and ominous words, corrupting childhood memories, and fabricated falsehoods.

"No!" shouted Twilight, startling her friends. "We can't let him try to get to us!"

"Uhhh," said Rainbow.

"He's trying to trick us into fear and mistrust!" she said fervently. "We can't let that happen!"

"So what d'ya suggest, Twi?" asked Applejack. "Take him up on his offer?"

"Exactly that. I think we can take him on, after all: we're all in this together."

"But," mumbled Fluttershy, who was cowering behind Rainbow Dash, "what about the sword? Are you supposed to- to kill him with it?"

Twilight's eyes softened, and she locked gazes with her pegasus friend, but remained silent.

"Come on," said Applejack, noticing how uncomfortable her purple friend looked. "Let's get this over with."

Discord was sitting amiably on a large throne that represented the king on his enormous chess board. Biding his time was a skill of his– he had spent a millennium trapped inside stone after all, and there was a lot less he could do in that time than now. To entertain himself, he turned a few birds that were flying overhead into balloons.

"I think I'm losing my touch," he said, musing over his latest creation. "I used to be able to raze whole cities to the ground, and turn it all into water vapour, and set it into the sky... Cloudsdale never knew who their founder was... alas."

Cloudsdale: that little brat Rainbow Dash hailed from there. Ever a thorn in his side, ever a constant nuisance, her and her other friends. Speaking of which, where were they? No doubt preparing to strike him down as usual.

He heard the faint clip-clop of hooves across the way, heralding their arrival. With a wicked smile, he jumped up into the air to greet them.

"Good afternoon ladies! How nice of you to drop in! Would you care for some... tea?"

"Yes!" yelled Pinkie and Rainbow in unison.

"Girls, no!" barked Twilight, "We can all have tea later when we're done with this." She walked through the chess pieces to approach her adversary. "Discord, since we don't have much of a choice right now, what do you have in mind?"

"Twilight Sparkle, I gathered you here on the premise of challenging you to a game of checkers."

"But I thought it was chess?"

"Then why did you ask? Was this not obvious enough for you?" he asked, gesturing to the board they were standing on. "We best start playing immediately, lest you forget who you are in the meantime."

Twilight didn't rise to his condescending tone, but she did snort involuntarily.

"What do we get if we win this game?" she demanded.

"I suppose I'll submit and revert everything to its former, disgustingly ordered state."

"And if you win?"

"Then you can be my servants of chaos or something, I dunno."

"Great," deadpanned Twilight.

"Take your places, ponies!" shouted Discord.

A few minutes later, they assembled into position: Twilight was the king, Rainbow the queen, Fluttershy was a bishop, Pinkie a knight, Applejack a castle, and a disgruntled Rarity was left with being a pawn.

"White moves first," called the draconequus. "Let's dance."

"Yippee, I get to move first," muttered Rarity, glumly walking forward two spaces.

And so it began: a game that ever appears passive at a distance, but is fuelled by cold logic and raw thinking power. A war game for the ages, and never had the stakes been so high as they were then.

It was a very evenly sided game, even when it was six against one and one of the six was a Twilight Sparkle. Pinkie was the first to leave the battlefield, having been knocked out by one of Discord's bishops. Fluttershy and Applejack followed suit, but not without taking a few pieces down with them. Rarity, under the protection of Rainbow Dash, slowly advanced up across the board, getting closer and closer to the opposite side...

"Waahaha!" came an elated shout, as Rarity ascended into royalty and became a queen. Unfortunately, during the time spent getting Rarity across the board, Discord had laid a devious trap for Twilight and had put her in check.

"Come on Twilight, you can do it!" cheered Pinkie Pie from the sidelines.

Twilight's brain was running overtime to find a solution and after a few painfully taxing minutes, she found one. Wiping the sweat from her brow, she surveyed the scene. The tides of fortune were turning in her favour now that Rarity was a queen, and she gambolled across the board, unleashing a tirade of slaughter over Discord's pieces.

The afternoon wore on, and when the Sun began to set, the end game was close at hoof.

Rainbow and Rarity had collectively backed Discord into a corner. His mismatched eyes flitted around wildly, looking for an escape...

"Checkmate," declared Twilight. "We win."

"Oh, did you really think it was going to be that easy, Twilight Sparkle?" sneered Discord, snapping his fingers, and dissolving the chess board.

"Hey! That's not fair!" protested the unicorn.

"You really are losing your memory!" he said, poking her nose with a paw, "I told you before: life isn't fair." He flicked his fingers underneath Twilight's chin, sending her reeling backwards.

"How dare you!" she stammered, rubbing her neck.

"My apologies," said Discord with a mock bow, "let me help you up."

"Don't touch me!" she snarled, aiming a kick at him but missing, overbalancing, and falling over again.

"Ooh hoohoo! I appear to be duelling with a rag doll today, how novel!"

Twilight had reached the end of her tether. Enough was enough: this had to end. She kicked out again, and this time, it connected with his stomach. Snarling, he snapped his fingers.

"Try that on for size," he chuckled.

"Try what?" said Twilight in a voice much deeper than she was used to. Startled, she looked over her shoulder to see a larger frame and shorter tail. Pulling at her mane revealed short and floppy bangs... looking down between her legs revealed...

"Oh... my..."

The now male Twilight Sparkle drew himself up as proudly as he could, as though nothing were amiss.

"Hey, look at Twi," said Applejack, wide-eyed.

"I must say, she looks rather comely as a stallion doesn't she?" said Rarity, a blush apparent upon her white coat.

"Do you like it?" asked Discord to Twilight.

"That's neither here nor there, Discord," he sniffed.

"I'm not hearing a 'no.'"

"Oh shut up!" yelled Twilight, charging at him, and missing spectacularly.

"Not used to a stallion's body eh? Well, it's to be expected, when have you ever known a stallion's body?"

That struck the young unicorn harder than expected and he was surprised to feel tears welling up in his eyes. Discord noticed this and rucked up laughing, which was when Twilight took his chance.

Taking the vorpal blade in hoof he swung it with a snicker-snack. Jumping up on Discord, he pinned him down with his body and magic, the point of the sword directly against his throat.

"First," he growled, "turn me back."

"Fine..." he grumbled, snapping a finger.

"Next, change everything else back."

"Make me," he whispered, without a trace of fear.

"I could kill you..." she murmured, "and end the nightmare once and for all."

"But you won't," he sneered in return, "you don't have the nerve."

"All the times you've underestimated me before, do you really want to try that again?" She emphasised her point by pressing the sword more forcefully against him.

As Twilight stood there, holding his life in her hooves, a small blue butterfly with white specks fluttered down onto her snout. Crossing her eyes, Twilight looked at it in puzzlement; it flew off to her right, and that was when she noticed two alicorns, the blue one staring at her penetratingly, the white one with her hooves covering her face in fear.

Twilight saw through the swirling vortex of chaos and malice in Discord's eyes. She saw the flickers of fear, and the glimmers of a redemption long desired, but forever denied, for in his eyes, redemption was weak. Nevertheless it was there, for Twilight to see for herself, floating in the depths. Her hooves wavered, wondering whether what she was about to do was the right choice... and she lowered the sword, casting it aside.

"What are you–" began Discord, but he was stunned into silence when Twilight flashed him a bright smile, a genuine smile; why, he hadn't received a smile like that since... Celestia...

Twilight, seeing the opportunity, pointed over to the Princess, who was still cowering, despite a soothingly toned Luna trying to convince her everything was fine.

Discord, naturally confused, rubbed his hands together, unsure what to do. Leaving him to his own devices, Twilight returned to her friends.

"Twilight? Are you insane?! What are you doing?!" asked Rainbow.

"Giving him one last chance," said the purple mare calmly.

"You think he deserves it?" asked Applejack.

"Doesn't everyone?" replied Twilight, as Princess Luna tactfully moved to join them.

"And hast thou spared the King of Hearts?" she asked, smiling warmly. "You did well, Twilight Sparkle: my sister was right to leave you with such solemn responsibility."

"Aha, just as expected," said a voice from high above them. At first, they thought it was the Moon, but of course, it was the Cheshire Cat's grin.

"What are you doing here?" asked Twilight.

"Oh, you know, just seeing the conclusion of the story," it said amiably. "Any second now..."

Celestia was trotting towards them, a huge grin plastered on her face.

"Come to my hooves, my beamish mare! O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!" she chortled in her share.

"There we go," said the Cat with an air of finality. Clearing its throat, it began

"'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves

Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;

All mimsy were the borogoves,

And the mome raths outgrabe.

"Beware the King of Hearts, my girl!

The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!

Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun

The frumious Bandersnatch!

"She took her vorpal sword in hoof:

Long time the manxome foe she sought–

So rested she by the Tumtum tree,

And lay awhile in thought.

"And as in uffish thought he stood,

The King of Hearts, with eyes of flame,

Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,

And burbled as it came!

"One, two! One, two! and through and through

The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!

She spared its head, and in her stead

He went galumphing back.

"'And hast thou spared the King of Hearts?

Come to my hooves, my beamish mare!

O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!'

She chortled in her share.

"'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves

Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;

All mimsy were the borogoves,

And the mome raths outgrabe."

And with that, the Cat vanished into the twilight.

"What's that thing's deal anyway?" asked Rainbow, staring at the spot the Cat had occupied but seconds earlier.

"I honestly don't think we'll ever know," said Twilight wearily, rubbing her tired eyes. When she opened them she saw Discord standing before her, looking meek.

"Go on," encouraged Celestia.

"I- I'm sorry," he mumbled. "'Tia reminded me that chaos doesn't have to ruin ponies' lives like this. Quite frankly, I'll be content with a storm or two here and there if it means anything to you... maybe a few power outages too if I'm bored... or an earthquake..."

"I suppose we can forgive you, right girls?" said Twilight. They all nodded in agreement. "But, please fix everything to how it was."

"Do I have to?" he whined, looking to Celestia, who nodded. "Very well..."

He snapped his fingers, and the world started spinning, slowly at first, but rapidly gaining momentum. Twilight felt herself being raised into the air along with her friends.

"Hey, I'm thinking of something beginning with T!"

Twilight rolled her eyes, which only served to make her feel ill in the midst of the vortex she was in.

"It's Twilight!"

Twilight's eyes flew open. She was lying underneath her favourite tree, in a quiet corner of Ponyville Park by the shimmering stream. The sky was burnt orange in the warm dusk that had fallen around her. A truly beautiful time of day, twilight...

However, the unicorn was confused. Was that all a dream? Or had it just happened? The problem was that Twilight had no way of distinguishing one from the other, and the details were leaving her rapidly, like trying to carry sand in a sieve.

Irked, but happy to find herself back to normality, she cricked her back and stood up, picking up her poetry-laden saddle bag, prepared to go home to some tasty salad for dinner, maybe with some ice cream for dessert. Spike could have some too if he had minded the library well today.

With pleasant thoughts in mind, the unicorn bounced happily to her treehouse, quite oblivious to the small blue butterfly with star-like specks that was fluttering lazily along behind her.

The End

Twilight in Wonderland

A Golden Afternoon
by Gallifrey
Based on the novel by Lewis Carroll
Edited by Reevsie and shad0wstalker

Chapter One
Twilight in Wonderland

Twilight Sparkle brought a hoof to her mouth as she yawned widely. She came to the conclusion that this had been just what the doctor ordered, or rather, what Princess Celestia herself had ordered.

The young, academic mare had been so busy completing assignments, performing research and studying friendship that she had been skipping meals and sleep to the notice of all, particularly when she accidentally set fire to a small section of the library during one sleep deprived experiment.

Celestia had insisted that Twilight take the week off to indulge in some rest and relaxation. A much wiser decision than letting the poor mare continue to burn herself out, both proverbially and literally.

The Princess said rest, and so Twilight was going to do just that. She made her leisurely way to her favourite tree in Ponyville, a proud and ancient oak situated in a quiet part of the town's park, growing on the banks of a babbling brook. She approached it and bade it good afternoon, for it was a glorious summer's afternoon: warm, dry, and very sunny. The tree's branches creaked in the gentle breeze, and Twilight took that as its genial reply. Walking under its sun-shielding boughs felt welcoming, and sitting herself down in her familiar spot, where the trunk matched the curve of her spine perfectly, the unicorn stripped off the saddle bag she was carrying, sat against the old, emerald parasol and breathed a contented sigh.

Her breath caught the honeyed scent of the abundance of flowers that were growing all around her, swaying gently in the wind, rustling softly, complementing the chirping of birds in the tree. The unicorn's senses were conspiring against her, lulling her into a sleepy stupor. She looked up lazily at a small sapphire blue butterfly that was fluttering around her; holding out a heavy hoof, the butterfly landed on it. Twilight had never seen a butterfly like this before: it had tiny white spots that looked like stars shining bright in an evening sky. Curiosity filled Twilight as it flittered away, but she was too docile right now to think about chasing after it. Instead, she extracted a poetry book from her bag (a book with no pictures or conversations in it, mind you) and began reading from where she had left off.

How doth the little crocodile

Improve his shining tail,
And pour the waters of the Nile

On every golden scale.

How cheerfully he seems to grin,

How neatly spreads his claws,
And welcomes little fishes in,

With gently smiling jaws.

The purple pony smiled at the poem, and continued. This was perfect. She was in quiet solitude, with no annoying noises, no immediate responsibilities, and no one to please except herself. Yes, nothing could possibly spoil this. Twilight closed her eyes and let the subtle wind play over her face, the humming of the bees like a lullaby upon her ears.

A rustling sound from her left made her open one eye lazily, and through the flowers she saw two rabbit ears. Of course, there was nothing so very remarkable about that, rabbits were a common occurrence across the town after all. Shutting her eyes again, her ears perked up when she heard Fluttershy's frantic voice.

"Oh dear, oh dear! I shall be late!"

Again, nothing was so very out of the way here. She opened her eye once again, went to close it, then started at what she saw. Fluttershy, dressed as a rabbit. This was certainly unusual, but when the yellow mare actually took a watch out of her waistcoat pocket Twilight decided to investigate. Getting to her hooves, she called to her friend.

"Fluttershy! Fluttershy! Why in Equestria are you wearing colts' clothing? And a rabbit outfit too?!"

The pegasus didn't appear to hear Twilight, instead fretting over just how damnably late she apparently was.
Twilight hurried after her, leaving her saddle bag behind, intent on discovering the source of Fluttershy's bizarre behaviour.

"Fluttershy!" Twilight panted, chasing her through flower beds and clusters of trees. "Stop!"

"No no no! I simply can't! Oh my fur and feathers! I'm late, I'm late, I'm late!"

"Late for what?!" called a bewildered Twilight, turning a corner to find that Fluttershy was nowhere to be seen.

The mare looked around, and her hoof fell into a hole. A rabbit hole.

"Now she can't have gone down there surely?" she mumbled to herself, though she shouted just in case. "Fluttershy?!"

A faint, panicked voice returned.

"No time! No time!"

"Oh for goodness sake!" said a disgruntled Twilight, resigning herself to entering the dusty hole. The hole went on straight for a time, then dipped down violently. Twilight didn't even have time to scream before she started falling. She opened her mouth to yell, but realised that she didn't need to. Her descent was as slow and placid as the quiet brook she had been resting by not ten minutes ago. Twilight had no idea what was going on, but was quite thankful it was, because otherwise she'd be falling to her death.

"After this, I shall think nothing of tumbling down the stairs..." she said to herself, "not that I ever actually fall down the stairs."

Looking around, she saw some dimly lit maps and shelves, she took a book from its case and opened it, as a good bookworm always does; to her pity, it was completely blank.

"Well, what did I expect from a bookshelf in mysterious, dimly lit rabbit hole anyway?"

Twilight gave the book a sniff, again, as all good bookworms do: it smelt of Creation, which wasn't a scent she ever recalled smelling before. It reminded her of strawberries. With furrowed brows, Twilight began to wonder just how far down she was going to go, and whether this hole perhaps went through the whole planet! Why, she'd burn up before she ever saw the other side! Feeling increasingly uneasy, she tried moving about, using her tail as a makeshift propeller, but all she achieved out of that was slowly spinning around. The unicorn was beginning to feel a little dizzy, but all of a sudden she struck something hard, a floor.

"Finally!" she cried happily, running down a low, wooden corridor, and promptly stumbling into the wall and falling over. After she spun around a few times in the opposite direction to un-dizzy herself, she took off in pursuit of Fluttershy. Twilight turned a corner to see a glimpse of pink tail.

"Oh, I'm so late! This is terrible!"

Twilight rounded the corner to come across a long hall, all lit up by lamps. Twilight examined a lamp but didn't quite believe what she was seeing- the flames were burning down, flowing over their brackets like hot, glowing water. Except... Twilight couldn't feel any of the heat. She raised a hoof to the flame but felt nothing. Curiosity getting the better of her, she placed her hoof under the lamp and to her surprise it felt as cold as winter's chill.

"Curiouser and curiouser! It's burning cold, how the hay is that even possible? Fluttershy, just what is going on-"

Her voice died as she looked around to see a distinct absence of yellow, or rather, white mare. Her heart sank as well as she saw the number of doors littered around the hallway.

"Of course," she grumbled, "there couldn't just be one door could there?"

Twilight walked up to a sparkly glass table, which she was sure wasn't there a second ago. On its top was a small brass key. Picking it up, she examined it and looked around at the variety of doors; many of the locks were much too big for such a small key, nevertheless, the unicorn systematically went around the room, testing each and every lock. To her dismay, her efforts were futile. Slumping to her haunches, she noticed a plush red velvet curtain that looked decidedly out of place. Shrugging, Twilight stood up and pulled it back, to reveal a tiny door. The key fit, and it swung open silently. With a burst of elation, she jammed her head through the door; it was no easy feat, but it gave her a good view of what lay beyond. A garden, the most beautiful garden she had ever seen, with cool leaf fountains and topiary that splashed water, giant blooming flowers of every colour imaginable, and quite a few that weren't imaginable as well.

Pulling her head back out, Twilight considered how she was supposed to fit through a gap so small. To her surprise and suspicion, there was a bottle lying on the table that had definitely not been there previously. Putting a hoof to the little paper tag, she read the words 'drink me' in curly, elegant script.

"Do you think I'm stupid?" said Twilight loudly to whoever must be hiding around the hall. "Drink me, indeed. You'd have to be exceptionally foolish to drink a bottle of unknown liquid because you're told to, honestly." She looked forlornly back to the door. "Oh, how I wish I could just shut up like a telescope!" she lamented. "Oh wait! I can!"

Twilight shut her eyes tight and concentrated hard. Her horn began glowing purple, flashing brightly as her spell completed. Opening her eyes, she was pleased to see a giant glass table looming over her. She had shrunk. Wiping the sweat from her brow, she galloped across the room and through the door, into the enticing garden beyond.