The Best Stories Your Eyes Will Ever See

The Mission to Save Derpy

Now once upon the time there was a fan fic author named Erebos. And he was the biggest dick ever.

Now he wasn’t the type that had sex with you with out a condom while he had syphilis (although he had done that.) he also wouldn’t “accidently spill” hot coffee on you so you couldn’t get that promotion (again also did).

No he was the type who raised a steroid induced rottwiler to eat the elderly.

Yeah huge dick, but every dick must do something non dickish and this is that tale.

Now our story starts out with how Erebos spends many days, watching TV while paying a hooker for companionship. Just as the hooker walked out Lou walked in.

Now Lou is an oddball, he has some great ideas like watching MLP, and that’s it. Really that was his best idea. The majority of his ideas were bad, these are some of his finest ideas

Bro invest in MySpace.

Trust me bro that chick does not syphilis.

Dude lets burn an orphanage!

Do you think this guys a real Nigerian prince?

If I chopped of your toes could we reattach them?

Bad ideas, but today he had an unbelievable stupid idea.

“Let’s save Derpy I know where they are hiding her”

I was about to tell him that was the dumbest idea I had heard, and my rottweilier Rex needed to feed, but then I thought Rex is a big dog (literally he is like 500 pounds of solid muscle) he can take care of himself.

So we hop in my car and drive to the Hasbro HQ when we walked in the woman at the front desk’s phone call was interrupted by Lou’s fist. As he grabbed her collar he screamed.

“ GIVE DERPY BACK YOU BITCH!”

This as many of you know is not how you handle these type of situations so they hauled his ass off to prison so I hoped back in my car drove home get Rex my dog and Travis.

Oh no Travis isn’t a person, Travis is a nuclear engine powered train that built for these situations exactly.

Yup you guessed correctly running over cars so I can complete my drug deliveries faster,because otherwise the bomb in my ass will explode.

But today I was using him to break out Lou so we drive up to the prison every one is out side people getting shanked, that large black man violating a small white car thief, prison how I have missed you.so we saw Lou but he was behind this bartered wired fence so I did the only logical thing

I drove through the fence.

Killing a bunch of people. But Lou got in safe. “Hey thanks man, so what type of guns we got.” He said,And so I handed him my latest creation, the OTP gun

Ah so your curious, well the OTP gun traps people in artwork with the OTP( or one true pairing for those of you who are in here and avoided this I envy you.) And since everyone knows That Genghis Khan X Peyton Manning is OTP it makes for some interesting artwork.

"Wait, wait." Said a voice that I just knew was my editor.

"What editor, you know I don’t like you interrupting these things." I said

" my apologies Erebos lord of awsomeness and god of buttsex but they're are multiple OTPs" he replied

"What do you mean there’s more than one OTP!" I shouted

"Some people just have a different opinion" he replied calmly

"What do you mean people have opinions that differ from mine!" I yell.

" Also you can't ship real people." He adds on

"What do you mean I can’t ship real people! I can too just you watch!" I am practice punching babies right now.

All right next week editor  I ship Barack Obama X Russell Crowe

I begin typing this story as I believe it has potential

“Mr. president” Russell said “yes” replied Barack….

"My lord the story you were working on."

"What editor, oh woops well back to the story." I say and start typing

So we get to the Hasbro HQ and the goddamn OTP guns don’t work because of my stupid editor. Thankfully one black man named L’carpetron gave him some real guns and those worked fine, so after we go to the secrete room we to our surprise did not see Derpy, what we saw was worse much worse.

Without going into to much detail we saw these fat cat directors doing horrible things to our childhood favorites fortunately one of the directors told us to go to The Hub HQ. So we did just that and there was a line to get in.

Some charity shit going on but I was mad as I left Travis at the airport when I stole this plane to fly out here as I walked I decided no more silent protagonist.

Lou sensed this.” No E don’t do this think of the children.” But I jumped out, threw Rex into the crowd, and screamed.

“AMERICAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Rex was pretty impressive I trained him to eat only the elderly but he did very well murdering about 65 people when the cops tried to take him down not even a good shot to the head would work he even the police dogs how about that.

Any way I went guns a blazing. Like a monkey, spider, human combination just chugged 5 kegs of Four Loco and then gave himself a shot of adrenalin just cause. Also I was pissed because I missed my chance to watch the greatest TV channel ever the weather channel.

So every one is dead, after some searching and a very odd encounter with a janitor (he kept spewing stuff about how his name was scruffy and he was reading a very inappropriate magazine)

But he told us were we needed to go, unfortunately there was a pass code lock right as he was about to say something I entered in nipple and the doors opened.

How did I know it was nipple well I was a…

"Stop!" Ugggh it's editor,again.

"Editor stop interrupting these, why are you doing this?" I question

" it's just well they shouldn't hear this story why don't you tell them about the time you tazzed those hobos.

"What do you mean they shouldn’t hear this story?" I reply, slightly smiling rembering those seizing hobos

"Well that story is illegal and could get you in big trouble, not to mention no reader needs those skills of yours."

"But what if they need someone to take down an influential Moldavian arms corporation."

" I highly doubt that any of our readers know any Moldovian arms corporations."

"Or they need someone who knows the ins and outs of the chineese banking system."

"Again I highly doubt you will need to stage another fradualent transfer."

"Or they need to know when the Czechoslovakian New year is who will tell them?"

"For the love of god it's the same as every other goddamn new year." Editor screamers he looks at me and just flat out leaves.

So anyways we go in and to my surprise there she is Derpy I break open the bars and she says. “Hey that was cool lets go back to your place” and so we fly off into the sunset mission accomplished.

The End

Except for the next morning when I woke up and found out that derpy stole my booze before she left.

Wow I didn't say i just don't know what went wrong during the entire story let me check something. yep i am about to be killed by rabid Derpy fans goodbye cruel worjwfopiphfpiuhwhjgoiehbiybhl,p