Advent of Victory

The bottle fell out of my paw and onto the soft grass below me as I swore. No matter how hard I tried I was simply unable to get a good grip on the damn thing. I had tried to palm the vial as I used to be able to do with a basketball, but my soft pads simply lacked the amount of friction I needed in order to keep the glass in my grip.

I had started earlier by finding rocks that were similar weight to the glass vials that I carried around me and throwing them at a tree. Some of the smaller ones I had been able to toss semi-accurately, but the bigger ones I was unable to get a grip on and would go flying off wildly. Out of the dozens of rocks that I had managed to throw at the tree only four actually hit it.

I picked up the vial of knockout gas that had landed in the grass and tried to hold it out again. This time I tried grabbing it by the neck with my paw, but still I couldn’t get a good grip. I don’t know how those Diamond Dogs had been able to throw these at all when they also had paws. Maybe it was because they were bigger than I was?

A grunt of frustration escaped me as I threw the bottle at the tree only for it to bounce off the leaves that adorned it and fall into the grass once again. Sighing, I quickly walked over to where it had fallen to retrieve it. I wasn’t able to get a good grip on any of these so if I was going to use their contents I would need to change what they were stored in.

The grass gave little protest as I unstrapped the rest of the vials from around me and tossed them down. I unsheathed Deci’s sword that I had brought with me and tried to hold it like I would have if I still had fingers. This was a little easier than the glass bottles, but still very unreliable. The blade shuddered in my grasp as I tried to swing it at the tree.

I finally landed a blow on the bark of the tree, but the blade fumbled out of my grasp when it touched the trunk. I almost sliced my paw off as it tumbled to the ground and rolled for a moment before coming to a standstill. This seemed to be another weapon that I would have no use for.

Leaving the sword where it lay I took out my last hope for a weapon that I had. I hadn’t taken the time to admire the small dagger that I had scavenged from one of the dog’s bags, but it was very nice. It had a long curved blade that was serrated near the tip. The handle seemed to be made of mixture of gold and silver, and was embedded with several emeralds that gave the dagger a light green hue. It didn’t look like the weapon was actually meant for combat, but was maybe more of a ceremonial piece. No matter what it was originally intended for the blade was wicked sharp.

I gave up on trying to hold anything with my paws, and grabbed the handle with my mouth so that the blade was sticking out of the right side of my mouth. It felt insanely uncomfortable to have something this sharp so close to my face, and it tasted terrible, but at least I was able to get a good grip on it. I jerked my head at the tree and scored a long gouge into the bark.

The dagger threatened to wrench out of my grasp as I brought it across the bark. It seemed that canines weren’t very good for holding anything metal with. I spat the dagger out next to the sword and cried out in frustration. There had to be something out there that I could use effectively. Why hadn’t I found any guns? I knew how to shoot guns.

It seemed I wasn’t going to get any use out of anything that I had with me so I decided to fall back to an old classic. I brought up my paw once more before my eyes and studied the claws that hung off each of my fingertips. During the fight with the snake I had managed to actually cut through its scales with my claws, and it looked like that was all I was going to have in the way of weaponry.

Shrugging, I raked the tree with as fierce a swipe as I could. To my shock my claws actually dug into the bark very far before coming back out with little to no resistance. It was hard to really see in the darkness, but it looked like a bear had just mauled this tree. I allowed a small smile to grace my lips as I took another swing.

Again the tree completely yielded as I sliced through it with ease. I wouldn’t even need a blade if I had four wickedly sharp ones attached to each of my paws all the time. Why had it taken me so long to realize what I could do with these?

I began laughing as I landed blow after blow on the poor defenseless tree. This was amazing if I had known I could do this then I would have never been captured by those Diamond Dogs in the first place. If I had known this then I would have just taken them all down with ease before they knew what hit them. I stopped short as the image of murdering three sentient beings with such ease flashed before my eyes.

I quickly shook it away, not willing to deal with those feelings right now; I had things that I needed to do at the moment. I picked up a large branch and bit down on it hard in order to test my new jaw power and was surprised by how easily it snapped in half. After spitting out the bits of wood that had found their way around my mouth I decided that I had enough natural weaponry to last me for the time being.

There was something else that I had been putting off that I needed to look into. What exactly had happened during my fight with the snake. The more I thought about it the more it seemed like whatever had caused that time stop had been me. What else could it have been if it left me unaffected like it had. How did I do it though?

Did this new body have some form of magic that I didn’t know about? The only thing I could think of was that it had been some sort of fear response triggered by the adrenaline that was coursing through me, and the danger of the moment. I would have to try and recreate this if I was going to replicate whatever had happened.

I began by trying to get my heart rate up, which I accomplished by taking short shallow breaths. I continued to breath like this for several moments, and soon found myself getting lightheaded. I looked at everything around me as I tried to get my mind off of what I was attempting to do so that it could come more naturally.

I was just at the edge of the tall grass that surrounded the clearing where everypony was camped. They were spread out around in small groups around the roaring fire that was in the middle of the clearing offering them both warmth and protection from the dark. More than one of them could be found snuggled up next to another pony in their bedroll. My materials were spread out below and to the side of me where I had thrown them when I was done with them.

The full moon overhead shone down on everything, illuminating my nighttime activities with a soft warmth. The tree in front of me that was just on the edge of the clearing bore several claw marks where I had a little too zealously tore into it. The grass beyond the tree swayed in the soft breeze that filled the night.

It was almost hypnotic as it moved back and forth with no will of its own. I continued my shallow breathing as I watched the long blades flow back and forth, becoming slower the more that the wind slowed down. I had to blink as my lightheadedness started to catch up to me, but the slowing beat of the grass kept my attention, and allowed me to continue.

Suddenly, the grass and the air that was coming in and out of my lungs stopped moving altogether. I couldn’t breath, but I wasn’t scared by this discovery; it felt exactly like it had when time had stopped before. I looked around and spotted a single leaf that had paused in its fall, which confirmed that the forward march of time had ceased.

Something inside of me felt different. I couldn't get my mind off of the image of a swirling blue ball of energy, and I could feel it beating in my chest. The sphere pulsed in time with my own heart, which was beating very slowly despite how fast it had been racing just moments before. I swear I could almost reach out and touch the blue energy but it would move away from me; the same way one would reach towards a beam of light only to be unable to pin it down and cast a shadow instead. Though I couldn't actually grasp the thing I knew it was there. This was the source of whatever was happening, and it was inside of me.

I smiled at having completed the task I had set, and hesitantly tried to take a step forwards. Once more the pain exploded in my chest causing me to slump over into the grass, and the spell to break. The grass went back to its gentle swaying and the leaf fell to the ground just before my eyes. I panted as I lay in the grass on the edge of the clearing, desperately trying to catch my breath.

What the hell was I doing? I had been taken against my will to a place that I had thought nonexistent, and trapped in a body that was so different to my own, yet here I was trying to figure out how to stop time. What was wrong with me! I had murdered someone not even a day ago, and I was occupied on trying to find a way to be even more deadly.

My breathing stopped again; not due to some spell, but rather the stark realization of what I had done hitting me for the first time. I had killed someone in cold blood, and I hadn’t even cared at the time. I had fucking eaten them for Christ’s sake. A sob tried to escape my throat, but I choked it back, not willing to cry in front of the ponies asleep behind me.

It hurt to move, but I slowly dragged myself to my feet in spite of the pain. My chest felt like someone had set off a small explosive inside of it, and with every breath I took a new wave of pain rolled over me. I was not unaccustomed to pain, but despite my high tolerance I was barely able to make it to the grass before I fell over.

I collapsed into the ground and buried my face in my paws as I started to cry. I hated to feel guilty; it is the one emotion that we are capable of that holds absolutely no value. To feel guilty is to feel pity for oneself, and that never solves anything. I continued to cry for some time, but made sure that my sobs were silent so as to not wake anypony in camp.

The night air was cool around me, and the crickets played their soft melancholy tunes. The tall grass itched where it poked my skin at sharp angles, but no matter how I adjusted I was unable to find a comfortable position. The earth beneath me, which held a consistency between mud and dirt, clung to my coat and sapped the heat from my body.

I allowed myself to vent for some time before I was able to regain control of my emotions. I hadn’t cried like that for years, not since I was a pre-adolescent child. Was this new body affecting my ability to control myself? Was my mind being changed along with the rest of me? I pushed away the depressing thoughts that would get me nowhere.

Instead, I looked up to the night sky that didn’t care for my transgressions. The puny problems of one mortal were not enough to blemish the majesty that the stars held over the world. I felt myself begin to calm as I studied the heavens and took note of the differences between the two worlds I had gazed at them from. The amount of stars that shone down on me were infinitely greater in number than what we could see from Earth. That could probably be attributed to there also being an actual goddess of the night to look after them. I wondered if I prayed to the heavens would Luna hear me.

I decided to not test the theory for fear of what she would do if she found me. I picked myself up off the damp ground still aching all over, and shook to relieve myself of any mud that had stuck to my underbelly. The shaking did little to help so I walked back to camp in search of water to clean myself with. I made my way to the nearest cart, and after prying open a couple of lids, found some water and rags that I could use.

Holding the now wet rags in my grasp I proceeded to scrub off any foreign substances that clung to my bright white coat. I realized that I hadn’t bothered to clean out the multiple wounds I had attained during my fight with the snake so I went about making sure that none of them would get infected. I then removed and water that might have lingered on me until my coat was pristine. I tossed away any of the rags with blood on them into the grass, went about picking up all of the weapons I had left in the grass.

I did a quick scan of the camp, and was happy to see that none of the ponies had woken up during the entire ordeal. Tossing the rest of the materials into the back of the cart I quickly walked over to the middle of camp where the fire was just now dying. I grabbed a few logs that were stacked nearby and tossed them on the fire to keep it alive. I felt emotionally drained, and was soon just sitting on the warm ground staring into the depths of the fire. For some reason a song began to escape my lips.

I've been believing in something so distant

As if I was human

And I've been denying this feeling of hopelessness

In me, in me

All the promises I made

Just to let you down

You believed in me, but I'm broken

I have nothing left

And all I feel is this cruel wanting

We've been falling for all this time

And now I'm lost in paradise

As much as I'd like the past not to exist

It still does

And as much as I'd like to feel like I belong here

I'm just as scared as you

I have nothing left

And all I feel is this cruel wanting

We've been falling for all this time

And now I'm lost in paradise

Run away, run away

One day we won't feel this pain anymore

Take it all away

Shadows of you

Cause they won't let me go

Until I have nothing left

And all I feel is this cruel wanting

We've been falling for all this time

And now I'm lost in paradise

Alone, and lost in paradise

“That was beautiful.” A voice coming from behind me made me recoil and nearly fall over. “Oh, I didn’t mean to scare you.” Out of the darkness I saw Light Gale emerge into the light of the campfire.

“Pfft you didn’t scare me,” I said as I picked myself up.

Light Gale just gave me a knowing smile before walking over and sitting next to the fire with me. “Right.”

I sighed, realizing that I had been caught. “So how much did you hear?”

“Not all of it I think. It was really a beautiful song though, sad, but beautiful.” We gazed into the fire for a while just watching the embers dance in their chaotic fashion.

“Do you really feel like that?” she asked after a few minutes.

“I guess I do.” I let my head hang for a moment.

“What is the matter? Nopony should have to feel so alone.” I looked back up to her smiling face, and wondered if all ponies were this nice.

“I am stranded so far away from home with essentially no hope of returning, and I am all on my own. The only things that I have to my name are what I managed to loot of the corpse of a diamond dog that tried to make me his sex slave, and the few bits I managed to get for taking this guard job. That was probably a mistake on your friend’s part by the way.

“On top of all that I feel like I am losing myself, and I don’t know what is going to happen to me in the future. Sometimes it all just feels like too much. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to wake you up or dump all this on you. I will let you get back to sleep.” I got up to leave, but found a hoof holding me back. I looked back to the pegasus who had still not dropped her warm smile.

“I won't pretend to know what you are going through Vixen, but you aren’t alone here. From the way Deciduous talked about you earlier I think that he really looks up to you. You even agreed to take him all the way back to Las Pegasus out of the kindness of your heart.

“I don’t know why you can’t go home, but you can always find a new one. Home is the place where our friends and family are, and if you can’t return to one then all you need to do is make a new one. As for what the future holds, none of us can know that for certain. This way you are feeling now could just be a dark tunnel you are traveling down, and soon you will make a turn and see the most brilliant light ever. All you need to do is not give up hope.” Before I knew it she had pulled me down to her and swept me up in a hug.

Her wings wrapped around me protectively, and I allowed myself to be pulled into the warm embrace. I felt new tears trying to escape my eyes, but I fought them back with a new determination. I would not cry again; not here.

“Thank you, Gale. I think really I needed that.” I whispered as I buried my face in her chest. She didn’t reply she just merely held me until I was ready to break the embrace. I am not sure how long we stayed like that, but when I finally pulled away from her I could see the sun beginning to break over the horizon.