Where *do* foals come from?
Where *do* foals come from?
It was a quiet saturday afternoon in Golden Oaks Library, and Twilight Sparkle was catching up with some overdue organisation - well, Spike was doing all the actual work whilst Twilight ordered him around. So a typical saturday afternoon for Ponyville librarian and it's only dragon resident. Suddenly a white-grey unicorn came bursting into the library, knocking over a large pile of books Spike happened to be standing on, and gravity took care of the rest.
Dusting himself off, Spike got up and noticed who was the latest cause of one of his regular falls.
"Oh, hey Sweetie Belle" Spike said a little shyly and awkwardly, having had a soft spot for Rarity's younger since the Royal Wedding. A situation that had not been helped from having seen her dressed up as Rarity a few weeks earlier causing the dragons mixed feelings to mix some more.
"Hello Spike" Sweetie Belle responded with a smile, but also with a bit of an absent minded look about the filly "Is Twilight around?"
Having heard the crash, Twilight had come in from the kitchen to see what had happened this time "Okay Spike, what have...oh, hey Sweetie Belle."
Sweetie Belle went running over to Twilight "Hey, can we talk about something?" the young filly asked with a slightly concerned look, but her usual bouncy body gave away it was nothing too serious.
"Sure thing, what's wrong?" the elder unicorn replied.
"Nothing, I think. But can we go someone private, it's kinda personal?"
Twilight nodded and guiding Sweetie up the stairs towards her private rooms of the library, she asked Spike to look after any visitors whilst she was taking care of this. As soon as they got in Twilights bedroom, Sweetie made sure the door was closed and locked, before sitting on the edge of the spare bed. Twilight saw the usually most reserved, but still naturally reckless, Cutie Mark Crusader was clearly nervous so sat down next to her.
"Sweetie Belle, what's wrong?" Twilight started.
Sweetie Belle sighed "Twilight, where do foals come from?"
Twilight instantly tensed up a little "Erm, Sweetie Belle, isn't this something that they cover in school, or you should speak to your parents about?"
"That's just it Twilight, both Cheerilee and my parents have given me the same tall tale, as has Fluttershy last spring! But it doesn't make sense". Sweetie Belle then went on to tell Twilight about the birds and the bees as she understood it. After a very awkward few minutes, Sweetie finished and looked over to Twilight.
"Well Sweetie, that's exactly where foals come from. I have some books on the subject if you want to know more about the science?"
"No, that's not what is confusing me. Something doesn't make sense and having spoke to my parents and Rarity they just didn't seem to get it" Sweetie sighed despondently.
Twilight looked at the sad filly with concern "Well, what is it?"
"Well, I can't seem to work out exactly where the..." Sweetie paused and sort of waved her hooves in the air "...parts are?"
Twilight tensed up again "You should really speak to your parents about that sort of thing, or I have this book..."
"I tried" Sweetie squeaked "But they just said I was being silly" and started to tear up a little.
Twilight put a friendly hoof on the filly's shoulder "Don't cry, I'm sure it's just a bit of a misunderstanding". Twilight took a big gulp Well, you have always been one to learn and share knowledge, I guess sometimes its not as fun as other times "Well, Sweetie Belle, I guess I'll have to explain". Twilight launched into the usual explanation of mare physiology, and as soon as she paused for breath Sweetie interrupted.
"Thanks twilight, I know all that" she sighed having gone through the same conversation with other ponies "That's what everypony says but I just don't see it. I mean, I never see any of that stuff on anypony!" she finished with a desperate yell.
Twilight sighed, thinking if it was best to take Sweetie to the hospital which was bound to have some models. But suddenly something clicked inside her vast brain and she slowly looked down her own body. In a gasp of realisation, it dawned on her exactly what the young filly was talking about.
"Wh..wh..what? Where...how?" She stuttered as the lavender unicorn racked her brains. It seemed like something was unraveling before her eyes and she was struggling to cope "What's going on?" she yelled as she jumped up on the bed and started looking over her completely smooth body, which was lacking any of the parts mares should have.
Sweetie had dived away from Twilight during the partial meltdown, but seeing how scared the young filly was snapped the elder pony partially back to reality. "Sweetie Belle, don't be scared, but I think you know what you are talking about!"
"You do?" the filly responded with the biggest smile Twilight had ever seen. But after weeks of trying to get somepony else to see the same issue she was so glad she wasn't the only one. Twilight was shaking a little "But..but...it makes no sense. I mean, how come I've never noticed before? Are all the books wrong?"
"Exactly. Even when I asked mother to explain she pointed to my body and just seemed not to notice!"
Twilight racked her brains "Lets go speak to the Cakes. I mean, they had the Twins recently, they must be able to help..."
The pair of unicorns went running down the stairs, but Twilight paused as they reached Spike. Twilight had spent her life looking after the young dragon, bathing him etc. Obviously she know Spike had come from an egg, having hatched him herself. But from what she had been taught about dragon reproduction the biology of the males was that of the average stallion...and it clearly wasn't.
Spike noticed Twilight and Sweetie Belle studying him in an unusual way "Erm, something wrong Twilight?" he laughed nervously in front of the two staring unicorns.
Having had the revelation, she realised that Spike was just like her. "No No No...nothing strange going on at all...no major concerns about the whole of our reality" and with that she picked Sweetie up in a levitation field and run out of Golden Oaks Library into the morning sun.
"What was that about?" Spike asked absentmindedly.
"Who?"
"Twilight of course, she was acting...Oh, nevermind Owlowiscious."
***
Twilight was running through the busy marketplace at full speed, Sweetie Belle whizzing behind her still in levitation field. She was wondering what sort of magic could have been effecting all the ponies around them, or indeed if some force was acting on her and Sweetie in some way. Either way, as the Element of Magic, she had to make sure she was clear what was going on and if she and her friends needed to react in some way.
"Twilight, can you put me down. I'm starting to get queasy" Sweetie slurred behind her, starting to get the equivalent of seasick from the airborne swaying. Twilight, being distracted by the voice, looked behind her for a second just as Big Mac was trotting past pulling an apple cart. Twilight slammed into the side of the red horse, sliding feet first under the side of the stallion and the impact disrupted Twilight mgaic resulting in the unicorn foal to fall down to the nice solid ground.
"Ouch" both unicorn moaned in unison, whilst Big Mac just shock off the impact on his flank as if it was a beach ball.
Twilight realised she was on her back underneath the big stallion, a very compromising position for a mare and closed her eyes instinctively. However, she quickly realised that this was a perfect opportunity to make an innocent scientific observation. She opened her eyes and looked between the stallions legs, a little blush forming in anticipation. But the blood flow wasn't required as there was nothing of note to be shy of.
Applejack had seen her brothers impact and come galloping over. Having checked Sweetie Belle was okay, if a little dusty, she noticed Twilight underneath her brother just staring.
"Are you al'right Sugarcube?" Applejack asked, peering under her brother who couldn't move without either treading on the unicorn or running her over with the cart.
Realising that staring at her friends brothers body might be misconstrued as something other than scientific research, and not wanting to seem like a sex crazed filly, Twilight rolled her eyes a little like she was dazed then slowly crawled out. "Oh Big Mac, I'm sorry for running into you. Are you okay"
"Eeyup"
"Hoo-wee, it'll take more than that to knock over ma brother here" Applejack yelled punching her brother playfully on the shoulder as Big Mac started pulling the cart towards the market "But Twi, what's got you in a rush?"
"Oh, nothing really. I'm just taking Sweetie Belle here over to Sugarcube corner" Twilight lied, but Applejack being a trusting pony choose to ignore the slight quiver in her friends voice. They chatted for a few minutes to organise an afternoon picnic later in the week before Applejack left to help her brother out, and Twilight and Sweetie trotted off towards the Cakes.
"You okay?" Sweetie Belle asked Twilight
"Yep, although I noticed the same problem with Big Mac as well...there is something very very strange going on with everypony around here"
"Oh my, sounds serious"
"It may be Sweetie, it may be..."
***
The unicorn pair made it to Sugarcube Corner without further incident, and entered the busy bakery. Pinkie Pie was behind the counter serving customers, but gave Twilight a quick wave. Twilight waited in the queue with Sweetie Belle wandering all over the shop looking at all the treats. What seemed like an eternity for the young foal, although it was of course only a few minutes, it was Twilights turn at the front of the queue.
"Hey Twilight, what can I get you?"
"Hey Pinkie, are Mr and Mrs Cake about? Oh, and I'll take this cookie for Sweetie" Twilight toss two bits over to pinkie, and levitated a chocolate chip cookie over to Sweetie, who quickly shot a smile of thanks before just as quickly tucking into the treat.
"Mr Cake's out making deliveries, but Mrs Cake is upstairs with the twins. I'm sure she won't mind you visiting"
Twilight thanked Pinkie and headed out the back of the shot, followed awkwardly by Sweetie who was trying to walk and eat at the same time, all without using magic. They followed the sound of giggling upstairs to find the two foals playing in their room, whilst Mrs Cake kept an eye on them. As soon as the unicorn pair entered, the foals came running over to Sweetie having remembered the fun afternoon they had had with the Cutie Mark Crusaders Babysitters (yay!) - Mrs Cake was still finding frosting in Pound's wings for days afterwards!
"Hello Twilight deary...and, um, Sweetie Belle" the proud mother welcomed the visitors.
"Sorry Mrs Cake, are we interrupting? We just wanted to ask you something." Twilight asked
"And it was Appleblooms idea to try to make cupcakes" Sweetie added quickly "And we have no idea where Pumpkin found all that icing from anyway! And as to how it exploded..."
"That's quite alright darlings" Mrs Cake smiled, with a slight look of worry in her eyes "...so what did you want to ask me?"
Twilight rubbed her hoof against the floor a little "Urm, if you don't mind, could you go through the details of the birth of your lovely foals? There's no need to spare any details as Sweetie is after more information..for a school report. I've read all about it in books but I don't think they capture all the, erm, subtleties" Twilight found that she had become a surprisingly good liar after having to explain to Luna on a number of occasions why she was caught having so many dreams about Celestia...and cake mix.
Cup Cake then proceeded to tell the two younger unicorns all about the miracle of foalbirth, especially the 'miracle' of the extra fun that an Earth pony has when trying to deliver twins which have a horn and a pair of wings between them! Twilight pretended to take notes whilst Sweetie had to concentrate again on not feeling sick, playing with the twins a little to help distract from some of the more disturbing details.
Once Mrs Cake was done, Twilight thanked her for her time, arranged to babysit the twins later in the month, and both fillies quickly made their way downstairs.
"So, she is sticking to the same story as everypony else" Sweetie sighed sadly
"I guess so, and I couldn't sense any magic spells or anything like Discords mind control effect on her"
"So what do we do now?" squeaked the younger filly.
"You could ask me, I know" Pinkie suddenly appeared between them
Ignoring Pinkies random interruption Afterall, she doesn't even know what we are talking about Twilight turned to Sweetie Belle "I guess Fluttershy would be the next stop. She often acts as midwife for the larger animals, she must know the truth." and the pair sped up to a trot and left Pinkie behind.
"But I know the truth" Pinkie shouted out after them, before turning to a blank wall and shrugging her shoulders.
***
It was evening and Twilight was standing on the bridge in the centre of town, looking down at the water. The whole day had been spent tracking down the various friends and Ponyville citizens who they thought may be able to help, but without much luck. Fluttershy gave the same story as Mrs Cake, obviously with a little more delicate wording from the shy pegasus filly then the more down to earth mare.
They had visited the hospital and got some further information from the doctor, who also had a number of models they studied. This confirmed Twilights suspicion that this wasn't just a short term deception, but something bigger was going on. They had visited the school and spoke to Cheerilee tending the garden. They had spoken to the Mayors knowledgeable assistant Time Turner, and every parent they could find, but nopony told them anything different.
And wherever they went, at some point Pinkie appeared pestering them about knowing the truth.
Sweetie was sat next to Twilight, worried as the purple unicorn had been silent and staring at the water for a while but didn't want to interrupt the train of thought after all that had happened that day. Suddenly Pinkie appeared from underneath the edge of the bridge, somehow defying gravity.
"Hey Twilight, are you ready for me to tell you where foals come from yet?"
"So Pinkie, where do foals come from?" Twilight asked exasperatedly having expended all other rational choices in the town.
Pinkie pulled herself up onto the bridge "Why, we all come from Hasbro of course!"
"What on Equestria is a Hasbro?" Sweetie asked
"Oh, it's nowhere in Equestria, it's this whole other reality where these monkeys took over the world and they create little statues of us for their foals to play with. Except this whole other group like them and they collect them and make these stories where we all 'make out' with each other, especially you and Celestia, or Luna, or me..."
Sweetie looked over at Twilight who was just staring at the rambling Pinkie Pie "She's just being Pinkie" Sweetie whispered to the stunned unicorn. Twilight felt her mind slipping, but knew there would be one pony she could trust to help her. She tossed Sweetie onto her back, thanked Pinkie and channelled all of her power into one massive spell...
***
The Princesses were enjoying an evening cup of tea, a tradition started since Luna's return, straight after Celestia's Sun made way for Luna's moon. Celestia realised that her morning had a daily celebration in breakfast, and whilst a full meal would be too much for most ponies at nightfall, she was determined to get something in place for Luna's night. Afterall, she didn't want to lose her sister for another 1,000 years.
All of a sudden there was a bright flash of magenta light and Twilight Sparkle with Sweetie Belle on her back appeared a few hooves above the table. With both Alicorns taken by surprise, and both unicorns not realising where they were, gravity decided to butt in for the second time that day and brought both mare and filly crashing down, knocking the table over.
The two princesses looked at each other with some mirth, quickly realising that they weren't under attack, especially that only a few trusted ponies could teleport directly past the castle defence magic - only the three Princesses and two members of the Sparkle family could do so, much to Blueblood's annoyance who always had to use the door like a commoner.
"Princess Celestia...and Princess Luna. Apologises for our intrusion but it's an emergency" Twilight exclaimed as she checked Sweetie was okay
Celestia looked over the two tea and biscuit covered guests "My faithful student, and Rarity's sister, what has made you panic so?"
"Princess...you remember me" Sweetie Belle squeaked nervously
"Of course we do" Luna smiled "You were one the royal flower fillies at our nieces wedding afterall"
Sweetie beamed back at the Princess of the Night, but then they all got distracted by the smoke coming off the top of a frustrated Twilights head. Celestia urged Twilight to sit down and explain. Twilight then covered the days events and her revelations. "So, whats up with everypony? Where do foals come from?"
"Dearest Twilight...I'm afraid to say that you and Sweetie have realised the truth, the one Pinkie has known for a long time" Celestia calmly replied
"You mean...foals don't come from ponies, but are created by this mythical 'Hasbro' thingy"
Celestia and Luna looked at each other, and nodded sadly in agreement. Celestia's voice deepened into the most serious tone Twilight had ever heard "Yes, and we have a powerful spell in place to ensure that all the other ponies never find out.
And I'm afraid that we can't have you two running around with the truth."
Celestia's and Luna's horns glowed brightly surrounding the two unicorns in a strong magical aura. Twilight tried to fight it but of course she was no match for both alicorns powerful magic. Suddenly both the unicorns felt their minds slowly dissolving...
Twilight woke up in her own bed, like waking up from a nightmare, trying to remember what she spent the day before doing. Having not been able to remember, and Spike having no idea what happened once she had run out of the Library, she just carried on her day as usual.
Just after lunch Sweetie Belle came running into the Library, and asked to speak to Twilight in private. As soon as they were alone upstairs, the filly sat on the edge of the spare bed, looking at Twilight and with a confused look on her face asked
"Twilight, why does nopony poop?"
Back in Canterlot Castle, Celestia and Luna felt a tingle down their spines identical to a feeling from the previous day "Not this again" Luna sighed "It's bad enough with Pinkie..."
