The Pesky Fossil

by Damination

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Random, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Human, Main 6, Princess Cadance
Length: 1408

Twilight Sparkle is perturbed by an incorrectly assembled fossil. An unlikely adventure ensues.

While visiting the Canterlot Museum of Natural History, Twilight Sparkle finds a fossil that is clearly misconstructed. She takes it home for further study. However, before she can discover the truth behind the bones, she is whisked away on an unlikely adventure, in unfamiliar waters...

Tags: [Random], [Occasional Comedy], [Human], [Dream], [One-shot]

Published 2013-01-10 00:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-01-10 00:50:01 UTC

Chapter X

The Pesky Fossil

“Not till we are lost, in other words not till we have lost the world, do we begin to
find ourselves, and realize where we are and the infinite extent of our relations.”
-Henry David Thoreau

I am staring at a fossil skeleton. It is a set of bones, held together by a wire framework for my viewing pleasure. This fossil, however, is far from a pleasure to observe--it’s wrong. It’s not put together as it should be. This creature, when living, was no quadruped; it wasn’t even a dinosaur. No, this was a biped. I am sure of it.

This mistake is an indecency. This is more than a crime against perfectionists--this is a crime against knowledge. How many ponies go through this display hall everyday and look at this fossil and learn that this was what a Tricerodontilax looked like without its flesh and blood? I look around and realize the hall is in fact empty. Still! How could the Canterlot Archeological Society be so careless?

Needless to say, I am angry. I want to fix this monstrous mistake: for the public good and for my own peace of mind. Soon, I contact the appropriate authorities and they reaffirm that the fossil has been put together correctly. However, considering that I am Celestia’s student, they will let me take it home and try other configurations. I accept happily, already making a mental list of the archeology books I will need.

Later: in the library. I am still staring at the bones, exerting all my mental imaging ability to figure out what sort of creature these bones once filled. Nothing comes to mind. I fruitlessly speed-read through all my archeology books, then I have Spike send a letter to request a few (only 27) more from the Canterlot Royal Archives.

I must have fallen asleep, as I am being woken up by Pinkie Pie. My five friends are in the library, along with Spike and those three fillies, the Cutie Mark Crusaders. They all have luggage and are dressed for some light occasion, maybe a day at the beach. I stare at them, confused, until Pinkie Pie informs me:

“Twilight! You didn’t forget about our trip to the Crystal Empire Water Resort, did you?”

I pack quickly with Spike’s help (scowling at him for not reminding me) then we all walk off to the train station. The train ride passes in a blur and soon we step off into the Crystal Empire Water Resort.

The Empire is a bit different from when we left it. Thanks to a permanent shield that the citizens insisted be installed (paranoid if you ask me, but they did get sealed away for a thousand years by a crazy unicorn), the Empire became a tropical paradise. Then, to celebrate their new rulers, the ponies slaved over turning it into a full-scale water resort: pools, fountains, slides, tanning chairs, soft-drink stands, hay-dog stands, ice-cream stands, etc.

After settling down in our rooms we go to the royal-guest wing of the water park. There the Cutie Mark Crusaders (and Pinkie Pie) play with my young niece, daughter of Cadance and Shining Armor. Rarity and Rainbow Dash suntan. Soon, Applejack wants some grub, and so do I. I can’t recall the last time I ate; it must have been before I left the library. At some point I wondered why the sun isn’t moving, but my thoughts are interrupted by food on silver platters. Underneath my cover is a CCC Sandwich (Celery Carrot Cumquat) and I sit next to Rarity, hoping to practice eating Like A Lady.

My other friends uncover their food. All the dishes are standard except Fluttershy’s and Pinkie Pie’s. Fluttershy has a monkey under her cover, with a banana and a whole slew of dirty jokes. Fluttershy eats that monkey’s banana. Pinkie Pie has a cooked carcase--meat. The revolting smell immediately infects the air. I look at her in shock, but nopony else seems to notice. She begins stripping flesh from bones. Then she meets my eyes--and winks. I watch her clean the bones with her teeth, but say nothing, suddenly not hungry. Looking at the bones brings back a memory. Bones...

I am seized by a sudden inspiration and, grabbing Pinkie’s bones, I wave to my friends then dash into the castle. I tirelessly run up many stairs to my sister-in-law’s study. Cadance is there, standing by a stone dais. I drop the bones on top of the dais. She looks at me in surprise:

“Twilight Sparkle. What is this?”

“Bones. Pinkie Pie... ehh, ‘found’ them. In the Resort. Can you tell me anything about them?”

“I can tell you where they come from--”

“Great.”

Cadance focuses her magic on the bones, then lets them fall from her magical grasp. A grave, conspiratorial tone seeps into her voice and she whispers:

“These fossils are from Earth.”

“Earth?”

“It’s a different planet.”

At this point I think I might be dreaming--but I put those thoughts aside in my excitement:

“How did they get here?”

Cadance brings me into another, more secluded room before speaking:

“Twilight Sparkle. This is a secret that, if it got out, could compromise the security of ponies and creatures everywhere. Do you understand?”

I nod.

“Very well. Ever since the Crystal Empire became a water resort, strange things have been emerging. One of them is this crystal:”

She walks over to a crystal at the edge of the room, then continues:

“This crystal allows a pony to steer the entire Empire--at least, everything that is watery, hence everything inside the shield--on the ‘dark tide,’ also known as the flows of time and space. Using it, we can reach other planets instantly. I can see you want to try it. Go ahead. To reach Earth, just tilt the crystal to the right.”

I tilt the crystal. Nothing seems to happen, but Cadance pulls back my hoof then leads me outside. Within the shield the Empire remains the same, but outside everything is water--the city is submerged! However, it also rises, a giant bubble, and soon it breaks the surface of what must be an ocean. It floats. I vaguely wonder how Cadance expects to keep the crystal secret. Surely some ponies noticed the city was now floating in extraterrestrial waters. I decide to ask her about it after I take a look around. I look. On one side is a coastline, and on that coastline--

“Huts. There are wooden shacks over on that coastline,” I say.

“Why don’t you go take a closer look?”

“How?”

“Here: I’ll teleport you and your friends over there to say hello. Then, whenever you want to come back, shoot up a flare. Don’t be too long though--we should leave before sunset.”

I agree, and suddenly I appear on the beach, along with my friends and the Cutie Mark Crusaders and Spike. I explain everything to them and they seem oddly complacent. Then we walk toward the huts. We find the huts abandoned, so we continue into the forest beyond. We climb up a small hill to reach a road. This road is like a runway, made of some dark material. It is hot to the hooves. Unsure what to do, we wait--and sure enough, along comes a sputtering vehicle, trailed by billowing clouds of smoke.

The vehicle stops in front of us, and a creature standing on two legs steps out. I immediately connect the fossil and the creature to one another. The fossil skeleton must have only been a partial: it had no skull or backbone like this creature. Now I understand.

The creature looks as you expect, except it has hair all over its body and a face like a supercilious chimp. Primitive. I examine it closely. It wears all sorts of steam-powered gadgets: spectacles that automatically adjust for optical optimization, a bronze music-playback device stretched over its ears, boots that automatically move its ankles for easier walking on two legs. The ingenuity of the many inventions both startles and attracts me. I am about to complement the creature when--

Spike shakes me awake. I am lying at my desk, with my hooves wrapped around the fossil. Drool trails from my mouth to the book below me. I clean it up with a hoof, then sit up.

Suddenly, my dream returns to me, and I quickly scribble down a word before I forget: Human.