1001 Equestria Nights

by Short Story

Rating: teen
Tags: Random
Length: 3410

Here, there be mediocrity. A collection of all the short stories that ever found themselves welcomed to the world by Thirty Minute Pony Stories

Here, there be mediocrity. A collection of all the short stories that ever found themselves welcomed to the world by Thirty Minute Pony Stories.

An archive of one writer's desperate attempts to develop a particular skill by ignoring feeding habits. By the way, anyone interested in one slightly used soul?

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-01-10 02:50:02 UTC

Strange OOC Vampire AU

Strange OOC Vampire AU

The glowing pit from below burned brighter than the  moon could ever on a cloudless night, the smell of flesh and tainted timber grabbing hold of what was once the sweet sent of the evening breeze. The beautiful sight of fiery autumn colors dancing against the silhouette of burning shadows was especially delightful. Setting the place ablaze had been too easy.

Chrysalis had sent her army away into the farming fields, far from her perch on the mountain. She was meant to do this alone and no other pony, of kin or otherwise, would steal this last pleasure from her.

The Sovereign Mother would not ignore this message.

“Come to me” She called out, her voice soft yet sharp. “Your friends are waiting.”

From behind a whisper rose to answer. “Let me see them.”

With a smile, Chrysalis gladly did so. She let the jewelry fall from between her hooves like sand in a hourglass, careless about where they fell to the unclean ground.

The necklaces, once the symbols of hope and unity for the many houses of Canterlot, were twisted and deformed like the abominations whose neck they graced. The house of Generosity was still drenched in the tainted ash stained blood of it’s mistress.

“How dare you” The Sovereign Mother hissed, nuzzling the sweet tokens before Curling her lips back into a hideous sneer. “Killing such innocent creatures out of  a selfish need for revenge!”

Crysalis broke out into laughter. “Innocent! I have seen your beasts devour entire families without pause. Your kind are nothing but wolves in sheep’s clothing, preying on the weak till there souls our bound to the same hellish fate. Death is the last mercy I can bestow on those children.”

Taking a tentative step over the necklaces, the vampire was less then amused by the sight of the howling changeling, former captain of the guards. “You have always been quaintly naive to the truth before your very eyes. Morality and judgment are tied into one thing, and when one is wrong so is the brother. You believe me the monster of these acts, but this is murder,  hunting down creatures who only act by there designs. You have strayed from your nature, and thus has doomed thyself to nothing more a monster . I can stand before the gates and know I am clean of blood. Can you say the same you little pathetic  —-“

The blade went without effort between the ribs, intertwining with a truly blackened heart. Nor blood poured forth, the veins of the dark matron having run dried a decade passed. Time allowed them both the courtesy to drag the moment out.

“W-why? The tears streamed coldly down as the vampire slumped against the form of her attacker. “Y-our p-promise…”

“You killed your family! Everyone of  them dead without remorse! Your tears are not for your sins but for fear of death! You left me alone….all alone…..the entire castle……”

“L-lies. He left you alone, his eyes only for that w-wench he m-married. The one who made his heart s-sing . Deceit is not j-just my sin a-lone….”

Chrysalis snapped forward, driving the blade deeper.

“Isn’t it funny, how you managed to fool everyone? Who could of thought that the little bookworm, second heir to the Royal House was a murderous demon.” Chrysalis leaned in close ,savoring each word spoken. “You even fooled your big brother. Did you know his last words were addressed to you? “

“T-ell me!” Grabbing hold of Chrysalis’s garment the vampire tried to pull herself up, her eyes pleading to know.

“Are you sure”

Holding on, the sobbing creature begged. “Yes!”

“I’m sorry…. Twiley” The sword was effortless as it split the former Lady of the Twilight in haft. In death her royal name would mean nothing, now just another body among the masses. Pushing it off her, Chrysalis watched as the top of the twitching corpse fell over. In her last moments the eyes of Twilight caught sight of the necklaces, her hooves grasping for them to no avail as life left her for the second time .

She had loved her friends so dearly. They both had.

Too Much Pie

Too Much Pie

“Help Me!”

Rainbow Dash deadpanned. It was yet another day of having to deal with Pinkie, and by her mangled pink mane and wild eyes, today seemed like as good as day as any to shut the door without a word. But this was Pinkie Pie. When a friends in need you help them indeed.

“Please! Dashie I really, really, really, really, really-” Pinkie was cut short with a blue hoof over her mouth.

Rubbing her head with her other hoof, Dash sighed. “Okay Pinkie, what’s up?”

The overzealous pony started garbling something, having to start all over again once Dash had actually removed her hoof, eyes rolling.

“Look! I’m really sorry. But Mr. and Mrs. Cake left and I got Pumpkin and Pound and they started crying and the flour wasn’t working and I tried that care and share song but that never works and I decided to get Gummy and all he did was sit there like a lousy lumpity lump and then the twins went missing so I thought that there was no way I was going to find them so I panicked and thought ‘Where would a baby even go?’ and it hit me that of course a baby would know so I…I…I don’t know. It seemed like such a good idea at the time!”

“Pinkie?”

“….Heh, they’re behind me aren’t they?”

Poor Rainbow didn’t stand a chance as she was assaulted by three little pink fuzz balls  Pinkie watched with a very guilty smile as the mini-pies bounced all over the pegasus, trampling her into the ground.

“So, if you aren’t doing anything….Ihavetogofindthetwinsnowbye!”

“PINKIE!”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Okay, this wasn’t so bad. Rainbow had survived the hogtying, the hair dyeing, the cherry burrito volcanoes, and at last the tiny devils had given in to eating their alfalfa. All Dash had to do was promise them a years worth of flying lessons. Only one of them had wings, however. Yes, wings. Pinkie had some big time explaining to do when she came back, but for now Rainbow was too tired to rack her brain around how the others, a unicorn and a regular ol’ earth pony, or Pinkie that is, had been able to get to her cloud home in the first place.

“Okay -” Panting, she wiped her mush covered face off with the only clean kitchen towel left. “Guess next would be bath time…..and where are the other two?”

The little unicorn Pinkie looked to her sides before shrugging. Grumbling Rainbow picked up the filly before starting her manhunt for the troublemakers. As times she swore she could hear giggles coming from behind her or overhead but each quick look yielded empty air.

“Guys this isn’t funny anymore!” No, no it wasn’t. Almost an hour had passed since Rainbow had lost track of the kids. The one she did have was making it even harder to track the runaways by deciding the square of her back was a comfy napping spot. Why couldn’t the others be this easy?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Pinkie was in a positively ecstatic mood. The twins had shown up the last second in their cribs right as their parents walked in. So now everything was right as rain.

Something kept nagging at her brain though. It was this little voice screaming something that seemed so important at one point, but the little pony was so far off in her mind that the words faded long before they ever reached her. Pinkie was on her way to the library to tell Twilight of her crazy adventure when she passed by a storefront window. Within it her reflection was flawless and clear. ”…..Ooooh yeeeah.”

And They All Lived Happily Ever After

And They All Lived Happily Ever After

High noon was about to toll as two mares took their places across from each other, both ready to pull the first shot. Neither blinked as the uncomfortable minutes passed by. One blandished a knife, tightening her grip till her wrist turned red.

Shining Armor was pouring sweat as he watched Princess Celestia and his own mother staring daggers from across the dinner table. It didn’t help any that his father was sitting happily, gushing to Luna over how lovely the stars had been since her return. Couldn’t he see that war was about to break out right over the garlic bread. Oh Please Mother Mare! Save Me! He begged.

Even Cadence seemed oblivious to the crisis at hand. She just sat their daintily picking at her cherry blossom salad, smiling Tugging at his shirt color, Shining wondered how long it be before he caught the crazy.

He didn’t have to wait long. With a mix of anxiety and appetizers eaten out of nervous haste, Shining unceremoniously puked all over his mother-in-laws dinner. When he saw the mixing colors of pea green over bright yellow squash he promptly passed out onto the floor. A moment of shocked silence passed. It was broken by an angry growl.

“I knew it! I knew it all along! No doubt in my mind this would happen if Shining married into that family!”  Twilight Velvet burst out, pointing the blade of her butter knife at Celestia

“If something is bothering you Velvet” The sun princess saying the name with a hint of a venom” Lets step out and discuss this like grown - “

“Oh shut it!” Velvet hissed, her face twisted in disgust. “First our daughter, and now this! Nightlight stop flirting for one bucking moment and tell this mare -“

“What? What would you like to tell me little pony!”

“Oh no you didn’t! I am not one of your pathetic groveling subjects you…you….COW!

Luna and Nightlight back away slowly from the table. Celestia, whom had been trying very, very hard to resist the urge to set anyone on fire up till now, was shaking with the burning fury of her own sun. “HOW DARE YOU!” The Princess roared, wings flared out as she rose suddenly.

“HOW DARE I,” Velvet barked back. “WHAT’RE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT, HUH! SEND ME TO THE MOON! “

“WHY WASTE THE TIME AND DEPRIVE MYSELF THE PLEASURE OF CRUSHING YOU WITH MY OWN BARE HOOVES!”

“TOO BAD BECAUSE I’D LOVE TO SEE THE LOOK ON YOUR FACE WHEN YOU EXPLAIN TO MY DAUGHTER WHY HER MOM IS STUCK ON A ROCK!” The two mares nose to nose as they passed their threats around.

“s-sister….”

“h-honey….”

“QUIET!” Velvet and Celestia snapped in unison, Celestia stomping her hoof on the table as she did so, making a potato loaded with butter take flight. Everyone stopped to watch as it arched through the air, landing smack dab in the middle of Cadence’s plate. The pink alicorn hummed as she picked up the salt shaker, sprinkling it over the spud before taking a bite

Relatives. What can you do?

Peaches & Oranges

Peaches & Oranges

With one last swish of a comb through his mane, a stallion looked himself over in the hallway mirror. He had to admit he was a fine looking pony. Maybe not handsome, but definitely worth a little attention. Tucking in his cuffs for the fifth time, Orange went over the words of the letter again.

It had arrived the other day with pearl lace tipping off the edges. The name on the front, his name, was done in red satin. And the seal on the back was a perfectly  centered wax circlet. Not a cent was spared in the making of the handcrafted invitation.

“Sunday Market, 3:00, Peaches Stand”

Nodding to his reflection, Orange left the modest mansion he had called home his whole life. A pair of servants brought an ivory carriage around front, but he waved it away, too excited to sit still any longer. He was going to run to her. With a check of his saddle bags, Orange took off through the front gates.

Down the long drive was nothing. Choosing the quicker path through the forest instead of the main rode, the love sicken stallion felt the earths’ blessing as he ran between the ancient oaks. The leaves fell without much prodding, their amber bodies in the midst of one last waltz as the earth pony galloped among them.

The forest was left behind for the farming fields. Lowering his head he put more effort to his already fastening pace. As foalhood experience had taught him, Farmers didn’t appreciate another pony using their hard worked crops as cheap shortcuts. With a cross through a strawberry patch, Orange found himself overlooking the small town his family had built. The sound of bargain shoppers and hawkers already had become strong enough be heard from the hilltops.

With a leap, he was barreling down the hill at top speed whooping a hollering like the love sick fool he was.  Clots of grass coated his legs as he slowed to a cantor, regaining a bit of posture as he skipped along. The outer streets were mostly deserted, ponies busy as the market by now. This gave Orange time to wash himself off in a fountain, re-comb his hair, and retrieve the flowers from his bags. With a short nod to his watery reflection, he skipped into the market place.

The Peach Stand was easy enough to find. It was after all the only stand with a giant Peach on top. Whistling, he sat down next to it.  Orange waited.

And he waited. At 3:30 he smiled to a couple passing by. She would come.

When 4:30 came and went he was tapping his hoof nervously, but knew she just was running a little late. Orange witnessed the beginning of a mild sunset at 5:00 He let another hour pass kicking pebbles. Then at seven he got up. Quietly he walked home, and went to bed without dinner.

Locking up her stand, Peaches was lacking the luster she had had that morning. Taking down the hoof crafted ornaments that so much love had gone into making, the tawny mare found a bouquet of flowers left by the roadside, forgotten by some careless pony. She tried her very best not to cry at the sight of the wilting roses. After all  It had been a fools wish to think he would come.

Hurricane Run

Hurricane Run

“Slice!”

Hurricane pulled up at the last moment, calling for his solider to do the same. The young stallion, with all his medals and high praise, had been following close behind the commander as wing pony when the duo was forced into a dive. The white tempest that they had been trying to outrun had snatched Cake Slice’s protective goggles off and the private met with his fate at the side of a mountain.

Hurricane was helpless to do anything as the mangled form of his remaining army cascaded down into the snowy abyss. That was it then. He alone was left to set the course without a pony to turn to. He fought to stay hovering over the spot Slice had fallen, dead hope in his eyes as he studied the blurred blood patch through the storm.

Unable to wait up for a corpse any longer, Hurricane banked west in the direction of the Crystal Pass, the only opening in the Frozen Alps that would give him a straight path home. Pressing onward, he was suddenly alarmed by a sudden decline in altitude. Beating his wings to regain height was futile, however. The desperate flailing was only succeeding in bringing his already exhausted body nearer to its breaking point. And it broke.

Helpless at that the whims of a monstrous storm, Hurricane spiraled downward like a lead weighted leaf. The last of his luck was spent on the fortune of plummeting into a high snowdrift.

Stunned at first, adrenaline quickly focused his attention towards digging his way to the surface.  Spitting blood from his bitten tongue Hurricane cursed any deity that might have still cared about his life. His right wing dangled limp in its socket but he felt no pain. Only spite and cold nerve remained in the pegasus. He gave a few test steps. Satisfied with functioning legs Hurricane started off in a full gallop still intent on making it to the pass. He made little progress this way though, for every three steps he took he was shoved five back by bitter, icy wind.

At last, for all his fighting, the bleeding and battered commander could barely recognize the twin peaks that marked the opening. Renewed in spirit, he gritted his teeth. Warm mares and welcomed friends awaited him just beyond.

Hurricane howled and the blizzard seemed defeated at the hoofs of the superior storm. Slowly the curtains of blinding white begin to lift the closer he got towards the hope of home.

The Crystal Pass was gone.

Wiped out by an avalanche

Dropping his jaw, Hurricane skidded to a halt. His pupils widen, his heart shattering sending a scorching, acidic lump to his throat. Everything…

His army….his soldiers……Private Pansy….Cake Slice…. all gone.

He screamed. Tearing his armor off, he bucked the crystal uniform. The more it refused to dent under his hoofed fists the more violent he became till his last remaining strength finally left him.

Still in the silence, Hurricane took the time to look up and realize night was in beautiful bloom.

“Commander Hurricane…” He laughed, taking in the sight of the pallid, distant full moon. “Stand down.”

Cookie Breath

Cookie Breath

Off in the corner Dinky sat drawing circles in the dust. Above her head was the window she had the habit of sitting at whenever the night grew long and her mother hadn’t returned home. Tonight was a terrible night to be out, the thunderclouds rolling over the land without mercy.

A loud noise woke the little unicorn from her stupor. “Lightning?”

Lighting did follow thunder right? Or was it the other way around? The school trip to the ground station of the weather factory wasn’t even a few days old and she had already forgotten.

“No Dinky, that was just me.”

“Sparkler? Wha’cha doing” The little unicorn called out, leaving her vigil, but it would only be for a moment she told herself. She wasn’t going to miss being there when her mom landed. She never missed Mom’s landing.

Peering around the corner that lead to the warmly lit kitchen, Dinky was met with the palm of a gentle hoof. “Nope. You’re not gonna spoil the surprise. Give me a few more minutes and I’ll call you back when I’m done. Kay?”

“Kay…” Dinky said, disappointed. She dragged herself back to the corner, laying her head on the window sill. The rain outside pounded against the glass; each beat making her heart sink a little lower. Mom would be home soon, right?

“Done!” Sparkler appeared with a covered tray. With a wisp of magic she presented the wide eyed filly with a tray of the chocolatiest, sprinkle covered marsh-mellowy goopyness that was physically possible to pack into a batch of perfectly baked cookies. Without a second thought Dinky snatched one up delighting in the warm sweetness.

With a smile Sparkler set the tray down. “Good huh?”

“Mmmmhmmm!” Was the garbled replied behind a happy grin.

Derpy’s landing was not her smoothest, but after a trip like that she was just in a hurry to get inside and dry off. Most importantly she wanted to see her daughter. Dinky would never admit it, but the look of worry she carried every time Derpy left for work was eating up the poor girl. Dropping her bags off at the door the soaking wet delivery mare was confused when she wasn’t immediately greeted with a hug.

Dinky would never miss a hug, right?

The seed of worry vanished the moment the pegasus smelled a soft scent. Curious, she followed it through the house, up the stairs, to Dinky’s bedroom door. Opening it quietly, she was met with a beautiful sight. Dinky and Sparkler were munching on cookies and playing a very intense game of checkers, Dinky’s teddy bear sitting in as the stoic referee. The filly had totally forgotten.

“I call winner.”

“Mommy!” Dinky squealed. “You’re home!”