Fox News Becomes 20% cooler

by SecretPerson

Rating: teen
Tags: Human, Comedy, Random
Length: 4299

Fox News and all of it's affiliates suddenly become Ponies, and are the only ones in the world whom did. Now they have to try and report with hooves and cute looks.

Fox News and all of it's affiliates suddenly become Ponies, and are the only ones in the world whom did. Now they have to try and report with hooves and cute looks.

Bill O'Reilly will receive eternal mocking from John Stewart, the five will involve a lot more complaining, John Stossel will abuse cuteness, and Bob Beckal will become Omnipotent. What is too come for the World? Find out!

_____________________
Basically random comedy were I will upload each chapter pertaining to a different Fox News Program being ponified, and the reactions. This will remain mostly neutral to Fox, but will involve a lot more Pony-ness comedy.

PS: If yah dislike because you think I hate Fox News, I actually prefer them to the other networks.

PPS: If you Dislike this because of the PS statement, I like "Freespeech TV" even more.

PPPS: Only Fox news affiliates are ponies, meaning the rest of the media sources will make fun of them.

Final though: I, like, chocolate, milk…

Final Thought PS: This story will be updated less than my others, unless I have random idea spats.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-02-12 23:39:06 UTC

The Five has been interupted to bring you this important magic flash.

Greg Gutfield stared at Bob Beckal trying not to laugh, as the rest of the studio was trying to prepare the broadcast, with limited success.

"Stop staring Greg..." Said Bob, whom earlier had the biggest swear fit ever.

Currently, the Five's cast sat at the table waiting for word on what to do. Eric Bolling was a dark blue pegasus with a red mane, Dana Perino was a tannish colored earth pony with a yellow mane, Andrea Tantaros was a brown colored unicorn, Greg Gutfield was now a green unicorn with a black mane, and Bob Beckal was a brown Alicorn with a old complexion.

Greg continued to sit there laughing at everyone, er, pony, else in the room. Eventually, Dana said "Shut up about it, your a unicorn too."

Greg Replied "But your the most uninteresting looking pony I have EVER seen!"

Andrea responded "Like you have ever seen colorful ponies before."

Eric Bolling stomped his fore hoof onto the table, "Let's not tear each other apart just yet! The Network is counting on us to start this off to a good start!"

"How am I supposed to do that with all of you?!" Said Bob, "It was hard enough when you were just humans!"

Greg gasped sarcastically, "Hey! I am the most important person here! And I alone will get us through this!"

"Suuuuure you will" replied Andrea.

Suddenly, the director said, "Alright guys, stay calm now, we are airing in... 30 seconds."

"Here we go." said Eric.

"Someone get me some Skittles!" yelled Greg.

"You don't need skittles!" said Bob

"Yes I do!" responded Greg.

Eric cut them off, "Alright, 5 seconds."

Suddenly, an assistant earth pony ran in, tripped, rolled, and hit the table, landing the skittles infront of Greg. Bob was about to say something, but the the sound of the broadcast starting came, and the assistant stumbled away.

"Good Evening everyone, I am Eric Bolling here at the Five... yes I realize I am a pegasus, and my co hosts are also colorful Equine... but we will make it through this, I hope..."

Bob sighed, and said "Oh god please turn me back now, or at least kill me..."

----------------Equestria Daily Imaginary Offices-----------------

Seth was reading comments on the massive EQD post on Fox news, when suddenly he recieved 67 emails that Fox was broadcasting again. So, he immediately turned on his Tv, and switched it to the EVIL Fox News channel, while simultaneously posting Fox News livestreams on EQD for the first time in eternity.

"This is going to be good." Said Seth to the TV.

Eric cleared his throat, and said "So, The Presidents Inauguration ceremony went under way yesterday, but..."

He was suddenly cut off by a camera falling infront of the desk, as immediately after a light blue earth pony wearing a t-shirt ran up and dragged it back by his mouth.

Dana sighed, and said "You know, any other day I would make a comment on this inauguration... But... perhaps we should start with some theories on why we are, equine... That would be more appropriate in my opinion."

Eric replied, "Well, we did have something planned... But why not!"

Greg leaned back and said "Well, I am still the most important person here, without me all of you would be panicking and running in circles."

Andrea relied "Too bad the 20% cooler thing doesn't apply to you."

Suddenly, a light pink pegasus with a burning wing ran by, followed by a Unicorn carrying a fire extinguisher with magic.

"I am doing better than she is." Said Greg, as he began attempting to open the bag of skittles.

Bob coughed, and said "Alright, you know what I think, is all of you made god so angry, so he punished all of us."

Greg dropped the skittles under the table, and responded to Bob, "I am god! And I command you to open those skittles!"

Bob began to get angrier at the situation, "Any day of normally doing this show, I can bear it, BUT THIS F**ING DOES IT!"

"Now now..." said Dana.

Greg got frustrated, and suddenly zapped the Skittles with magic. "WOA!" was his reply, as a small fire started under the table.

Andrea replied, "Alright, who gave Greg lazers?! I want one!"

Bob stood up, "That's it, I am F***ing done with this."

Greg smiled devilishly, "I know we are ponies, but, I still think the swear jar rule is active.", he said as he lifted up the 'swear jar' onto the table.

Bob looked like he was going to explode. Then, a big blast of lighting blasted off his horn, and hit a camera behind Greg.

"HOLY S***!" yelled Greg, as Bob flew at him punching away.

Eric stood up and yelled, "Bob's lost it! Someone turned off the broadcast!"

Suddenly, the bar of lights fell onto the table, and started fire, as multiple fire alarms went off. Then multiple technical ponies ran up and pulled Bob off of Greg, only to have him blasting magic every which way. This in turn started a chain reaction of explosions and fire, as every pony in the studio panicked right before it switched to commercials for Viagra.

The comment box's on the MLP live stream sites were flying by at 150 MPH, the only other time something even close happened was when Derpy spoke, and this definitely challenged that.

Seth took a sip of Mello Yello, and continued sifting through FNP (Fox News Pony) emails.

Suddenly, Seth found one that said to switch to MSNBC by a person named Discord, so he went to the TV and did so...

Pony O'Reilly vs Discord

As Seth turned on MSNBC, he almost had a heart attack. On the TV was... MATT LAUER!

Oh yeah, and Discord was meeting with him.

"DISCORD!? OHMYFAUSTOHMYFAUSTOHMYFAUST!!!!!!!!!" he yelled at the tv.

Matt Lauer stared at Discord, whom just appeared in the studio and demanded a interview. At first he thought Discord was some animatronic thing, but after a few mind boggling bending, he was convinced otherwise.

"So your a god, am I right?" asked Matt.

Discord sipped some tea as he sported a British cap and monocle, "Demigod, to be exact. But you may be wondering why I am here, right?"

"Yes, I was getting to that..." replied Matt.

Discord threw the tea cup causing an explosion of turtles, then ripped off his suit "I am the one who turned that 'Fox news' into 'Pony-pox news'!"

Matt Lauer put his finger to his chin and replied "Hmmm, so are you an alien of sorts?"

"Well, Alien Demigod, nothing short of royalty were i'm from!" responded Discord.

"Were exactly are you from?" asked Matt.

Discord picked up some transcripts, and turned them into cheese, before dipping the cheese into some chocolate and throwing it into a wormhole. He then replied "I'm from Equestria. Some of you humans may know it as the land of ponies, in that tv show 'My Little Pony, Friendship is Magic'"

Matt Lauer took a sip of coffee, and asked "So, what do you plan to get out of turning Fox News into ponies?"

Discord made some AWESOME shades appear, and replied "Well, it was an order from Princess Celestia. She wanted revenge on the earth people for the unnerving images and fanfiction of her she saw after I showed her a computer. So I told her I would take care of it."

Matt nodded his head, "So, are you planning anything else?"

Discord laughed, "Well... now that you mention it, I do want to have some talks with Sethisto."

Seth Spat out his coffee, as he had no idea why he was drinking it. Then he heard Discord on the TV say "Yes, you seth, I know your watching."

Seth stared, as Discord simply jumped out of the Tv and was in his den. Matt Lauer currently looked around confused, while Seth said, "Well well well... WELCOME to my lair!"

------------------Bill O'Reilly's studio------------------

Bill sat at his desk, as his tech team worked to get ready to air. He was currently trying to throw his toy football with hooves, failing most of the time. Then, he decided to try this 'magic' he had seen others using. With that, the football turned into an orange.

"Well... I have an orange now." said Bill.

Suddenly, his director came up and said "All right Bill, the Five is out, probably for awhile. So the network needs us to air early."

Bill sighed, and replied, "Alright, I had a plan ready, but let's improvise a bit."

"Oh, and John Stewart wants to live chat with you on air."

Bill sighed again "What does he want?"

Suddenly, the studio started streaming to the Network, and the director said, "Wait! too early!"

Some tech guy shrugged, and said "We can't turn it off now!"

Bill facehoof'd, and nearly poked his eye out. So he yelled "OW", while falling backwards. His Director then ran off screen while Bill recovered.

"Oh! Hello and welcome to the Factor! Tonight we will start off with... I'M A PONY! and I will be talking to John Stewart on this shortly." started Bill.

Suddenly, the broadcast switched to a picture of a rock, then a brick, and then John Stewart.

Bill cleared his throat, "So again, hello and welcome. To be clear with everyone, I am in fact a unicorn. Actually the whole network here at Fox has been turned to ponies, and we don't know why."

Suddenly, A picture of a Banana in Justin Beiber's ear appeared on screen, quickly replaced by John Stewart streaming to Bill.

"Hello?" asked John.

Bill stared at the tech guys in the back screwing something up. He then replied to John "Hello, John."

John smirked, "So Bill, your a Unicorn."

Bill Sighed, "Yes John, get to the point."

John burst into laughter, "This is the point!"

"John, if your only going to mock me, go away."

John wiped a tear from his face, "Wait wait! I got you a pair of new gloves! Wait... you can't use them now... BECAUSE YOUR A UNICORN!"

Suddenly, John's Broadcast was replaced with a picture of Gary Johnson punching Obama in the face while Ron Paul was wearing awesome shades.

Bill sighed, and continued "So, that didn't go well. But anyway, on the next segment we have, what is President Obama going to do with his second term?"

Suddenly, a loud voice answered, "He will swim in chocolate milk!"

Bill raised an eyebrow and looked around, when Discord suddenly Appeared in the guest seat, along with Seth from EQD in the other one.

"Who are you? You look like something you would fight in Earthbound." said Bill.

Discord laughed, "I am the one responsible for this!" he said as he pointed at Bill's horn.

Bill glared "Prove it."

Discord cracked his knuckles, then made a TV and Xbox appear, and stuffed a muffin in the disk drive causing Derpy to appear on the TV screen. Derpy then flew off the Tv screen, being about the size of a bat. Discord then clapped his claws on her, turning her into a balloon. The ballon then floated to the ceiling, and popped realeasing tons of Hot Coco, of which formed a puddle on the ground which formed into a brown De' Blob. Then De Blob hopped across the desk and into Bill's empty coffee cup, filling it with coffee.

Bill stared Blankly, to the coffee cup, then Discord, and replied "Okay... I'm convinced."

Discord replied "Alright, now I suppose you want me to turn you back?"

Bill glared, "Yes, but I bet you want ransom or something..."

Discord grinned, "Your channel must go on straight un interrupted broadcast for a full 24 hours, then the curse will be lifted."

Bill frowned more, "Great! Just Great!"

Discord continued "Oh, and this is Seth, the leader of this website called Equestria Daily, he can tell you about Pony-ness and all sorts."

Seth smiled Sheepishly, "Hello."

Bill then said "Wait, your not leaving yet!"

Discord laughed, "Who's going to stop me?"

Bill replied, "Me!" Right before jumping at Discord and punching away.

"Ow! Oooh! please! Ow Ow Ow! Your too strong!" said Discrod as Bill viscously attacked with punches to the face, "I will do whatever you say.. HAHAHAHAHA!"

Suddenly, Discord snapped his finger, and Bill was tied up hanging upside down in rubber bands.

"Let me down!" yelled Bill, as Discord dusted himself off.

"Well, that's enough of this stuff, i'll be off!" said Discord, as he vanished.

Stossel-"Discord! We won't take it anymore! So take your tyranny away!"

John Stossel was now a yellow pegasus with a mustache and mane like his former human haircut. His cutie-mark was the statue of Liberty, fitting in his own mind. He sat infront of a tv in his dress room in shock, he was a pegasus because of a omnipotent being whom seamed to like anarchy, yet was holding him and the rest of Fox News down like a communist.

"Damn, I always thought he would jump out of the TV..." Said John out loud.

Then the phone rang, and he answered to hear Discord's voice, "Your turn to air, I expect something good from you."

John replied, "Alright, I will see what I can do for you Q."

Stossel slammed the phone back down, and went out to the broadcast room. Luckily, his team was fairing better, as the majority of them were bronies whom practiced this sort of hoof thing before.

"Alright John..." started a camera unicorn, "I have an idea."

John stared at his ready coffee mug wondering if he should try picking it up, "Go on..."

"You know the song, Discord...?"

John looked up, "Oh yea, that was awesome."

The camera pony gave a mischievous grin, "You know what I'm thinking?"

John replied, "Yes I doooOoooOOOAAAAAAAHHHH!" as he spilled hot coffee on his forhooves, lifted them up, and fell face first into the hot coffee.

--------------------------------6 minutes later-------------------------

"Our entire studio crew and cast has been turned into equine..." started John Stossel narroration, "and it is all because of this alien 'god' Discord," as a picture of Discord with a Troll face appeared, "But what is the meaning behind this? Find out today, on Stossel!"

The broadcast switched over to Stossel sitting down as his table, with a bandage of sorts on his face.

"So, I am sure your all wondering what motives this creature could have for turning everyone who works at Fox News into Equine. I myself find it rather annoying, but let's delve into the reasons he could have."

A well prepared list of possible reasons came up, as John began "First idea would be bribery from an opposing media source or Super PAC, but I find this highly unlikely, because if he wanted money, Discord could just make it all appear."

Without his noticed, a weird hobo guy crept in behind some panels, as John continued, "He could also be doing it to please this 'Princess Celestia' from his world. But, from what I saw in his interview on NBC, he seams a more mischievous type, and would probably not care about pleasing a princess."

The hobo crawled up closer to John, as he continued, "The third reason is the one I find most likely, and that is so he can F*** with us."

The Hobo stood up behind John Stossel, and raised his hands with knives, when suddenly a tranquilizer hit him in the forehead, knocking him out.

John Stossel stared at the screen, "Now Discord, I know very well your watching, so can you come here and tell me to my face, what is justifiable to tormenting us? We have lives to continue, families, all that just like the rest of the world. Why just us? Do you like Liberals?"

Suddenly, Discord appeared with a flash next to John Stossel, "I like Australian Liberals."

John stared at Discord, "Wow, you are for real..."

Discord pulled up a Microphone, "And the winner is Captian Obvious Stossel!"

John Stossel smiled, "Anyway, I heard you say you did not like this 'rule 34' and other things produced by people in our world, but, let me show you something we produce based on your world that you may like..."

Suddenly, the light faded, and multiple colored lights were readied. Then this music began...

Youtube Video

John then waited as the lights falshed along with the music, and it intensified, as he stood up, and at the beat, shouted "DISCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRD!"

Discord, in response, made popcorn appear, as the screen flashed to Bill O'Rielly, "DISCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRD!"

It then flashed back to Stossel, "I'm not a fan of puppeteers, but i've a nagging fear someone else is pulling at the strings."

The screen then flashed to Hannity, whom was a Red earth pony with a blue mane, "Something terrible is going down, through the entire town, reeking anarchy in all it brings." While a fire extinguisher exploded behind him.

The screen then flashed to Eric Holder of the Five, "I can't sit idly.." as it zoomed out to him surrounded by rubble, "No I can't move at all!"

Bob Beckal then stood up looking pissed as ever, "I curse the name! The one behind it AAAAAALLLLLL!"

It then went back to Stossel, who picked up, "DISCORD! I'm Howlin' at the Moon, and sleeping in the middle of a summer afternoon!"

He then flew up to Discord's face, "Discord! Whatever did we do, to make you take our world awaaaaay?!"

The lights then flashed across his studio, as the Hobo stood up and began dancing with the music.

The screen then went to Fox News's CEO, who sang, "I'm fine with changing status qou, but not in letting go, now the world is being torn apart!"

The screen then falshed back to Bill O'Reilly, who picked up, "A terrible catastrophe, played by your symphony, what a terrifying work of art!"

The screen then went back to John Stossel, "I can't sit iiidly, no I can't move at all! I curse the name, the one behind it aaaaAAAALLLL!"

The Hobo then jumped in, "DISCORD! I'm Howlin' at the Moon, and sleeping in the middle of a summer afternoon!"

John Stossel flew back up to Discord and held out a microphone, "Discord, Whatever did we do, to make you take out world away?!"

John then flew over to a prepared presentation with a Lion pouncing on a gazel, "Discord! are we your prey alone?" the presentation then flashed to Obama sitting on a throne in the oval office, "Or are we just a stepping stone for taking back the throne?"

John then flew over and grabbed a coffee cup, "Discord! We won't take it anymore, so take your tyranny AWAAAAAY!",

He then threw the coffee cup, but missed Discord, and hit a computer, lighting it on fire and causing the music to fuzz off.

Discord laughed his butt off, literally, then said, "Good show! Good show!"

John stare at Discord as the Hobo ran away from a rabid pony, "So, will you take your tyranny away?"

Discord thought for a second, "O-" but he was cut off by a portal opening, and a furios Celestia shouting, "DISCORD! COME HERE RIGHT NOW AND EXPLAIN EVERYTHING TO ME!"

Discord stared at the portal, and said "Crap!" as a large rainbow hand came in and grabbed him. He then disappeared.

John stared with a gaping mouth, as the ticker read "Discord tasted the Rainbow..."

Prologue: Morning News with hooves.

The Studio was getting ready to start airing again as Americas News HQ was ready to start a segment on dragons eating icicles. This story did have questionable credibility, but otherwise everything was going good.

Suddenly, everything in the building started to shake, and Shannon Bream looked around confused.

"I don't think we usually have earthquakes here..." she said, as the lights flickered, and everyone heard a laugh across the building.

"Is that Q from Star Trek?" asked Kelly Write in confusion.

Then suddenly, the entire building flashed, and everyone inside whited out, just as the camera's started to film.

About a half hour later Shannon began standing up, along with multiple other, 'people'. She looked around, and tripped on her own hoof.

"Darn hoof! Wait, HOOF?!........." Shannon stared at the camera, and stuttered out as she grabbed a piece of transcript on the desk, "U-Uh, Hello! And sorry for this MAJOR technical difficulty, uh..."

Shannon sat there not sure what to say, as the ticker read, "DLHERGVLRYHdbclueubDXpehecvO R$ Ocvrp" Suggesting the writers there also were now equine and did not know how to use hooves.

Kelly Write groaned, and stood up above the desk, revealing he was now a Unicorn. With a look at Shannon, he said "Heeeeeeeeeeeey maaaaaaan... Who let this horse in here?"

Shannon replied, "Whoever made you a Unicorn."

Kelly gasped, "It just talked! And it sounds like... Shannon?!" he then looked at himself, "HOLY COWSLAPPING BEJESUS HARRY BICKLWAMBER CHRIST!"

Suddenly, the video cut off to the "Technical Difficulties" screen.

----------------In the CEO's Office------------------

Roger Ailes, CEO of Fox News, stumbled to the meeting desk with all of the Executive ponies, as he was currently a green Pegasus. He was starting to get over the fact he and everyone around him were now colourful Equine, but being President of Fox News he knew he had to keep the show on the road.

One of the Executives spoke up, "Uh, I have a horn... what know?"

Roger spread his wings, and replied "We shall continued broadcast as normal."

Another Executive, whom has wings and a purple mane replied, "But sir! There is no way! Every Fox News studio has been ponified! How can we function?!"

Roger Ailes tapped his fore hoof to his chin thinking, then he thought of an idea.

"We improvise...." He then smirked, "We improvise so much no other news channel can beat us!"

The room of executive ponies in suits gasped, as a girl replied, "How would this work?!"

Roger replied  "We use Weaponized Cuteness, I mean seriously! I am having trouble not going 'DA'W!' at all of you little guys in those cute little suits!"

Everyone sat there and stared akwardly, as some pony coughed, and Roger cleared his throat.

"Besides, if we keep broadcasting, the odds of someone who knows how to fix this seeing our dilema is much brighter."

"I guess your right." Replied a mint colored unicorn with a top hat.

Roger then picked up a phone, then dropped it, then picked it up, and dropped it, and tried again, only to drop it.

"Here, I got it." Said the mint top hatted unicorn as he lifted the phone with magic next to rogers ear.

Roger immediately talked to the phone, "All stations ready broadcast, and don't hesitate to use weaponized cuteness. Also, try not to destroy everything while learning your new pony bodies."

-----------------Equestria Daily imaginary offices-----------------

Seth sat in his chair flipping through the channels, and settled for CNN News.

"This just in! Fox News reporting major technical difficulties on a level enough to reach the moon and 20% further."

"What?" Said Seth, as he leaned forward.

"Fox News and Fox Business Networks have shut down their broadcast reporting a possible terror attack on a ponified level..."

Seth was dumbfounded, "Did she just say...?"

"Here is a clip of what they broadcasted just before Fox News went off air."

Seth sat there watching intently, as he watched everything flash, and then it fast forwarded, and Seth was absolutely shocked. Right on the TV, was a My Little Pony Friendship is Magic style pony. It actually looked somewhat like something from real life, mixed with Fox News's anchor, but it definitely looked like something from My Little Pony.

Suddenly, Seth's phone rang, and he picked it up, "Hello?"

He heard Calpain's voice, "Are you watching CNN?"

Seth continued watching the Fox news clip, as the other Anchor showed to be a unicorn, "Yes..."

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" asked Calpain

Seth smiled boldy, "Of course, TO THE BLOG!"

-----------------Bill O'Reilly's studio-------------------

Bill stared dumbfounded at the mirror in his dressing room, what was in it was not his own face, but that of a unicorn. His mane was brown, and his fur lighter brown, and he still had the suit on, though it really did not fit well.

Suddenly, someone, I mean pony, came knocking on his door.

"Uhhhhh..." replied Bill to the door.

"Um, Bill, please tell me your at least still a human." said his manager.

Bill O'Reilly staggered to the door, and opened it a bit to see his manager was now also a unicorn, but was blue, "Find out why I am a Unicorn, and FIX THIS!"

Suddenly, the phone rang, and his manager ran up to grab it, only to wreck into the table, and have the phone fall on his face.

Bill looked at him, holding in a laugh, "Need help?"

"No, I got it, I can just use my tongue..." he replied, as he held the ringing phone in his mouth, and turned it to talk.

"Hello?" said the phone.

"Who is this?" replied the Manager.

"The Executives office, Roger says to prepare a broadcast for tonight despite any pony difficulties you have. He also suggests Weaponized Cuteness."

"Alright," replied the manager, right before dropping the phone again.

Bill heard it through the speaker, and sighed, "Oh dear... How am I supposed to be taken seriously looking like this?!"

His Manager shrugged, "I don't know, but look on the bright side!"

"What bright side?"

"Were not on the moon."

"Ugggggggggg...."