Fluttershy Stumbles Upon a Companion... Cube?by FlabbergastedChaptersPrologue What mustn't I do?Day One: Welcome To The Dirty Side Of The StreetA Terrible FateDay One: Never Trust The Author With a Plotpoint Involving a FireProcrastination StationPrologue Prologue In the beginning there was nothing, and then there was stuff, lots and lots of stuff. So much stuff in fact that the collective consciousnesses of the universe had a hissy fit and decided to declare its anger by screwing with random peoples lives. Algebra for one, is a prime example of the universe trolling the local populace of whatever universe you are reading this from. If you encounter Algebra in any shape or form, it is advised that you drop whatever you're doing and run. It is also advised that you never drop a baby for in fact they do not bounce upon impact with the floor, or ceiling, depending on whether the universe decided to flick off the on switch for gravity for your planet. You have my condolences for any inconvenience the universe has put you through, just remember that the universe is a fickle bitch and doesn't take kindly to lower life forms creating a ruckus in her Sixth grade artwork project. That's right! you're an art project. Don't question it though, it will only lower your life expectancy rate by Seven years. God (aka Morgan Freeman) Fluttershy Stumbles Upon a Companion... Cube? "Oh Angel, don't you worry about me." Fluttershy looked down at her chubby tummy remorsefully "You know Mummy needs her walks if she's ever going to impress a Stallion." Little did she know that, somewhere, in a galaxy far, far away, there were beings who would forever do her bidding. But nobody cares about them. "And, you can't forget Sir Quacks Alot's anti depressants" Behind them a Duck stood unnoticed. He had dark feathers. A stark contrast from his lighter shaded brethren. A small tear slowly ran down his right eye. All he wanted was to be loved. "You know how upset he gets when he doesn't get his anti depressants." Angel stared at his caretaker with a neutral expression. The kind of expression you replicate when you just can't be bothered caring about the conversations you're sharing with the person in front of you. Angel didn't have time for petty conversations, for he was a Prince... was a Prince, before his trusted adviser tried to murder him in his sleep. Luckily all Princes know the fabled art of Eye-Don't-Know, where in it allows the user to watch people sleep. Nobody knows who created the technique, which is probably for the best. Luckily! for you I'm the Narrator and the Narrator know's everything everywhere... get your hand out of your Pants right now young man! I am honestly shocked that you could possibly fathom touching yourself while you-- yeah, I don't care. Touch yourself as you see fit. Anyway, A long, long time ago, during the medieval times there was a Bunny called... uh, Jeff! and he liked to watch the other Bunnies sleep. Now the other little Bunnies didn't like this very much so they ran him out of Bunnyville, that and because he was a faggot. Also, he played Bbox. Not 360 now, they ain't had no 360 yet. This is the past stupid. Anyway, he became Emo, dyed his hair black. Which was a bit redundant seeing as his fur was already black. He also started cutting his wrists, because apparently you can't be an Emo if you don't cut yourself. Now, you might be thinking "Mr. Narrator Sir, why doesn't he just hang out with the other Emo Bunnies?" to which I would reply "Fuck you that's why." He was obviously ignored by the other Emo Bunnies because he was a Scrub faggot who played Bbox and didn't know real pain. So he killed himself... wait, where was I going with this? oh right, some drunk hobo bum Bunny accidentally created the technique when busting for Bunny coins. The Bunny kingdoms currency at the time. Moral of the story, don't be an Emo faggot, It won't get you anywhere. Just hide your feelings and turn that frown upside down. Angel suddenly got the feeling he was being watched. His Paws started sweating, his knees went weak, arms went heavy. There's Vomit on his fur already. Fluttershy's salad. He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready. Why am I getting flashbacks from the time I watched The 8 Mile? anyway, I might as well tell you where this is going, while Angel has his little little epileptic fit. Its okay for me to say that because I have a friend who has Epilepsy and he's cool with it, so. He saw his trusted adviser try to slit his Bunny throat, but! through the fabled art of Eye-Don't-Know he survived by the hairs on his cutesy chinny Bunny chin... or something. Wait, he was watching himself sleep?! who the hell does that?! *Sigh* whatever, I don't even-- whatever. His family quickly and unceremoniously sent him off to live in the safety of Equestria for fear of his life. He was supposed to make a pilgrimage to his Brothers Uncles half related half Twin... eh? hell, I dunno let's just say they were kinda related. Anyway, he got lost in the fucking Woods. So that just goes to show how well he would do in the Bunny Scouts. "Angel? are you alright? are you in a grumpy mood again? I'll make you the salad with the cherry on top that you like when I come home, would you like that?" Angels interest was piqued. Besides, It's not like anyone actually cared about his history. "Yes, of course I would like a salad you insufferable doormat." Sadly, the meaning of Angels words were lost in translation. "Aww, I love you too Angel." *Facepaw* Commence hugging immediately. There was nothing Angel could do as his caretaker went in for the kill. Picking him up and nuzzling him. He could hear the other Bunnies taunting him already... oh wait, he actually could hear them taunting him already. Snickers and jokes were being directed towards him from across the room, right where there were a group of other Bunnies, behind that group was another group... the females, more importantly, the popular, cute girl bunnies. It was then that Angel came to a life altering conclusion. He was shocked that he hadn’t thought of it before, but now this realization hit him like a freight train. It was the kind of deep, philosophical discovery that one makes very few times in their life: "I hate everything." Don't worry Angel, We hate everything too. "Ok Angel, I have to go so don't forget-- "I don't have time for your petty squabble. Would you just leave already." "Oh! Angel?!" Fluttershy exclaimed with a expression of shock. Angel looked up at his caretaker with hope. Hope that she had finally understood him. Finally understood his lack of interest in her pathetic life. "Rarity's... plot isn't that big. Its stylishly curvaceous is all. All hope in Angel's beady eye's were lost in that moment. Although he did like the look of that fat pillow. Oh, how he would love to just watch it bounce up and down all day. Maybe give it a-- Woah there Angel, don't take it too far now. Angel continued to wallow in self pity while Fluttershy continued on her rant. "Imagine how scandalous! the day Rarity's plot turned into a Marshmallow!" Wait what? "I like Marshmallows." Fluttershy said with a blush. "They're... nice." Yeah, yeah, yeah. Keep on going you crazy talking horse. Fluttershy had made it out the door by now, listing off things that he couldn't forget. He payed slight attention after he was sure he had mistakenly heard Napalm somewhere in the mess of Blah's and slightly more interesting, Blah's. *Slam* Angel slammed the door shut... what were you expecting? a kiss goodbye? <<<|Ω|>>> "Oh I hope they all play nice." Fluttershy said with worry in her voice as she followed the path leading from her house. "I trust Angel, he can take good care while I'm gone." Meanwhile... "Oh gawd make it stop!" Angel shouted as the animals supposedly under his jurisdiction had a rave orgy right in front of him. And to think. This story hasn't even started yet. Author's Note What is this?! I don't even... What mustn't I do?As Fluttershy followed the path from her cottage she started to delve deep into the aspects of philosophy. "What is the meaning of life?" "Where do we go when we die?" "Does Celestia and Luna really control the Sun and Moon?" "Is that a 2 dollar coin?" (Jokes on you, Americans) In fact it was a 2 dollar coin (Ha) sitting all by itself in the path. Fluttershy stared at the 2 dollar coin with fear and uncertainty, which is to be expected when 2 dollar coins haven't been in service since, like 2003. You never know when Celestia will start to tax the public mass of Ponies for finding old, unused forms of currency. "I thing I'll just avoid it." Fluttershy stated... No. This isn't right... the author has plans for you girl... "Oh my, I seem to have acquired an uncontrollable urge to collect this lone coin." Fluttershy spoke with a hint of fear and uncertainty. Well placed fear and uncertainty I might add because I OWN YOU! I OWN YOU!!!111one1 *Cough cough* As Fluttershy wen't to pick up the 2 dollar coin something ~~un~~expected happened. Fore out came two Royal Guards who's jobs are to uphold the law and ~~keep the Zebra's in line~~ protect and serve. "Stop right there, criminal scum! Nobody breaks the law on our watch! We're confiscating your stolen goods. Now pay your fine or its off to jail. The two guards shouted in unison. Fluttershy's reaction was of course to panic, as do all fickle creatures when put under extreme pressure... "I'm so sorry! I meant no harm! Please let me go! Please!" The guards would not be taking any of this however. They have innocents to ~~arrest~~ protect. Before Fluttershy could react though, she felt a striking pain on the back of her head. Her vision shortly faded to black. Behind her stood a Stallion holding a Blackjack, and wearing a dark cloak. Dry, heavy breathing could be heard from withijn the recesses of his hood., whilst the cloak hid his appearance. "Thank you for aiding us in our arrest civilian, you may go." The cloaked Stallion would not move. "Can I keep the body?" The Royal Guards raised their eyebrows in unison. "I'm sorry, sir. I don't think we are legally allowed to give you the body." The Cloaked ~~Rapist~~ Stallion still would not leave. "Is that a no?" The Royal Guards were losing their patience now "Did I bucking stutter?!" The one to the left shouted "Cause I don't think I mother bucking stuttered!" Intermission Alone lay the author, on his bed. Silently contemplating life. "Why the hell am I doing this? Its not like anyone will actually read this crap!" Did I mention the fact that he has a split personality? No? Well, now you know. Besides, Its not like it's ever fucking been done before!. "Buddy, you're putting too much faith in humanity again. They will read it. Trust me, you may have bad grammar and lack the proper experience to type a respectable fanfiction, but you can do it. I believe in you." "What are you gay?" ... "Go fuck yourself." "I'm not your mother last night." "She's your mother too." So? "This is why you don't have friends." "Yeah, but you're me. So in essence you don't have friends either." "Sometimes I contemplate killing myself to be rid of your presence." "With what? A part of my Cerebellum? You're a fucking split personality." ... "You're a split personality." "Yeah, great comeback. I'll make sure to call my-- wait, why have I lost all motor function?" Now, lets type some ~~quality~~ acceptable fanfiction. "I hate you so much right now." "If you stew the brew, You're gonna have a bad time." "If you stew the brew, You're gonna have a bad time." -- A Dick In My Head "You have a dick in your head?" ... Sometimes I contemplate killing myself to be rid of you're presence." End Intermission "I want my pizza!" "I swear, if you get Pepperoni I will blow you sky high." "But you know I only like Pepperoni." "Yep!" "Fuck you, I get what I want aigh't!" *Angst* "Man, you a faggot." Static... "I want to kiss you..." "I would like that..." Static... Fluttershy woke with a pounding headache. It was as if somepony had bludgeoned her skull with a blunt object... A quick observation gave way to the fact that she was in what appeared to be a dark, dank and filthy dungeon. Panic gave way to fear. Fear gave way to lust... kinky. "What ever have I done to end up in a place like this?" Fluttershy swooned. "If would be absolutely terrible if a big, strong, stallion were to overpower me." Seconds passed in silence as her grin started to waver. "Well fine! I'll just use this penis shaped rock then!" Oh gawd, didn't think you would ever hear that in a story now did you? "Wow. She's really going at it..." "Yes... she is certainly throwing that rock at the wall." "What? Is that what kids call it these days?" "This story is rated Teen... atleast, I think it is. Besides, we have young and impressionable 9 year olds on this site." "Nine year olds are the reason we cant have nice things. I can't even piss in public because its "Public Indecency" Its all they're faults." "You're a psychopath..." Static... As Fluttershy observed her surroundings she noticed a peculiar cube shaped object. Being the absolute party animal she is she decided to inspect it. When she touched it a message briefly passed her vision, it read something along the lines off. It seems to be a cube. A Companion Cube! With this item you can complete tests for the people who are still alive... did I mention the cake is a lie? A faint ~~gunshot~~ loud banging noise was heard before another text grazed her vision. "Hello, my name is |̓̉͌̊̀ͧ͏͎̦͇̟̀|̸̠͙̠͎͍̤̗͙̞͍̤̻̫͔̙̉̾͌̍̉͛ͥ̅͒̃͋̽̐ͬ̐̚̕|ͪ̍ͦͣ͑̀̊ͭͫ͛̒͆̏̀͒̉͂ͦ͛͝҉͏͝͏̹̩̹̩̱̣̬|̎̎̊ͪ̉ͧ͆̚҉̲̻͉͈͖̙͟͝|̈̅͐ͭ́̋͛̏̈́̓ͥ̋ͮͤ̃ͩ̚̕҉̘̭̜̣͠͡ͅ|̵̛͍̠͙̥̭̼̞̬̝͈̩̤̫̜͓̘̐̈̊ͧ̆ͭ̈ͥ̾̃̐ͥ͋ͪ̽ͯ͒ͣͫ͘͝ͅ|̨͖̥̤̭̤̰̝̭͇̦̙̬͎̰̺͓ͩ̈́͛̅ͩ̐̐ͥ̿̃ͯ͑͑̆ͬ͑̍̇̾́ͅ|̨͔̞͓̳̱̪͈̯̍̋̽ͦ̌̇ͥ͒ͦͯ̇̓́̇ͬ̐̎̇ͤ́͡͠͠|ͦ̑͑͒͌̍͐́̅ͤ̄̈̆͆ͬ̎̚̚͘͢҉̼͕͍̪̭̹̗̜̠ and I'll be helping you on your journey." Fluttershy could only do whatever most Ponies do when in shock, and by that I mean freak the fuck out, besides. Something this crazy hadn't happened to her since that one time she dropped acid real hard. Even then she only woke up in a zoo covered in bruises. She smelt like Manticore for weeks after that. "Hey genius. I know you and most of the denizens of Equestria are suffering from extreme bouts of brain diarrhea but I think you can atleast muster the brain cells to pay attention. I know the Author couldn't give two shits about coherency and all, but this story need a plot other than... well, whatever you could call "this" So I'm here to keep you sane and productive. Without me we would be in Utah, referencing Skyrim memes... and by that I mean bat shit inconsolable unfortunately I am the High King of Skyrim. So we aren't-- dammit. Even I'm slipping up." This was certainly allot to soak in for dear old Fluttershy... "What? I uh, I mean... what?" "Don't worry! I'll just take your inane questions as appreciation for my aid." "You're here to help me?" Asked Fluttershy, confused. She might aswell accept his aid in a situation as dire as this "Something strange has happened. I can't think straight and my memories feel wrong." "Yeah, That's what happens when you let ~~MindFcuk in Aisles~~ ~~Silicone Lube~~ Flabbergasted put on his Author pants." ... "Who?" "That's also seems to be the reason he's doing this. Its all Regidars fault. Stupid sexy Regidar." Before Fluttershy could ask who Regidar was a loud rumbling could be heard from outside her cell. "Oh no..." The mysterious stranger seemed to sigh in indignation. Fluttershy suspected that he knew what was going on, but didn't ask due to the MindFcukery she was experiencing. "Fluttershy, I implore you move to the cell bars. Otherwise this could get very messy." Fluttershy complied quickly. She had no idea what would happened, but she trusted the voice in her head... She would definitely be seeing a psychiatrist after this ordeal. The rumbling from outside her cell wall got louder as every second passed. It wasn't long before the wall exploded in a flurry of dust and stone . Before Fluttershy stood a young looking ~~Human~~ creature. The most noticeable aspect of this human was his strange style of clothing, consisting of a pair of grey ~~sweat pants~~ comfortable and practical tracksuit pants, a slightly baggy dark green hoodie and a grey fedora. The strange creature delicately walked into the dungeon cell, looked around and said. "And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for your meddling sanity." He looked down at Fluttershy with surprise before quickly changing to adoraton. He then turned away. "Yes! This is finally the moment I've been waiting for! I can use my powers to make Fluttershy fall in love with me. *Cackle* Then I can finally settle down, maybe even have a family!" A small tingle traveled down his spine "Its going to be so Awesome!" He turned back to Fluttershy with a manic look in his eyes. Slowly reciting a mantra, as if reading from a script. "Fluttershy looked up at the human with lust in her eyes. She had never seen such a charming looking man before in her life, oh how she wanted to just rip off his clothes and make sweet sens-- "You do realize I'm here right?" The strange human took a double take while Fluttershy blushed heavily. "Sanity? What the fuck are you doing here? Let alone, cock blocking me! You're in my Waifu!" "I've decided to intervene... besides, I thought the Pink one was your "Waifu"" ... "Meh, I'm not picky, I'll get her when the time is right." Yes, well, your powers won't be affecting my right hand. And, I must ask. Why by what is all right are you wearing a Fedora? Don't tell me you've finally lost it and become one of those *Shudder* hipsters? That's low, even for you." "Fedora? The human looked up to his forehead with his two blue eyes. The place where the abomination rested. Now that Fluttershy could get a good look at him she noticed that he had deep purple rings under his eyes. Was he hurt? No, its seemed closer akin to sleep deprivation. "Oh my. I had no idea this was here." He casually took the Fedora from his head and muttered a few words "As the Author muttered a few words the disgusting, yet stylish article of clothing disintegrated. Confirming no harm would come from it anymore." Nothing happened. A confused look came to the Authors face. "Huh? I was sure th-- His ramblings were interrupted by the Fedora in his hands exploding in his face. For a few seconds he stood stock still. Fluttershy looked on in concern. "Um, are you alright?" No answer came though. He quietly sighed then turned to her. "Yeah, I guess." He slowly looked up at the clear sky from the hole in the wall he had created earlier. "Fucking asshole. He can't even treat his mental representation with respect." Fluttershy was sure she could hear mad giggling come from somewhere, though she couldn't quite pinpoint from where. He observed the room once again. Laying his eyes on the Strange cube that had started this all. "What the hell? Why is there a Companion Cube?" He started to casually walk towards it "Is this the work of the Author... or maybe Sanity?" A few seconds passed before his gaze quickly came upon Fluttershy again "Sanity, I asked you a question. I know you're in there." Fluttershy could hear no response though. "I'm sorry Mr...? I never got your name." A look of understanding came upon his face "Oh, you can call me Lube." Her previous blush returned at full force "L-Lube?" He gave her a sultry grin "Silicone Lube for short. I'm joking though, you can call me Silicone, if you so wish." "How is that shor-- never mind. I just wan't to go home." The hope in her eyes could sway mountains "I just want everything to go back to normal." Lube gave her a cheeky grin "If that's all ya wanted than ya shouldeh bloody asked." he stated in a bad Scottish accent He quickly turned around and shouted "I'd like to see you do better you fuck!" Ignoring the strange creatures sudden outburst she turned to the so called "Companion Cube" What was the importance of such an object? Was it some sort of mystical item? Cherished once by a lost civilization? ... Nah. "Its completely useless. At least it is now." She turned to the creature, he now had a sullen look on his face. "This cube was going to play a significant roll in the things to come..." She observed the cube. Wondering how it could possibly be worth anything. Except for the cute heart it was nothing but a large, ornamental cube. "What is it exactly? I've never seen anything like it." "Honestly, I don't know. It was supposed to be the bricks and bones of this story... but, now. Now its nothing more than a dejected plot point." He slowly turned to Fluttershy. "Just. Like. You." The words were uttered without any emotion. "This story could have gone somewhere. But, it didn't. So now, I'm going have to erase you." The creature started to advance on Fluttershy with a devilish grin on his face "No! I don't want to be erased! D: " Fluttershy squealed. "Good! Because I'm just fucking with you." "Wh-what? You're not go- gonna erase me?" "Nope. I'm yanking your chain, pulling your leg, holding your noodle hostage, licking your--" Fluttershy looked up at the creature with anger in her eyes. Ignoring his previous remark. How could he trick her like that? What horrible creature could do such a thing? Before she could berate him for being a "Big meanie" He smirked and said "Doesn't matter though. Have you ever played Majora's Mask?" Fluttershy was confuse "No. What's tha-- He interrupted though "Good! Neither have I!" He had of course. We don't want angry fan boys slitting his throat in the night do we? "Baby! Were going back to the start! :D " Out of nowhere a beautiful song started to reverberate across the walls. Before Fluttershy could react her vision faded to black Author's Note Hey, guys! Wanna help me edit this mess? Moral of the chapter: Don't mess with a man's Pizza, also, time travel is fun. Also, ending was overhauled. Details were changed and/or added. Fuck were kinda given. But not many though... Day One: Welcome To The Dirty Side Of The Street"Do you fuckin' wanna go me mate?" Shouted the familiar voice of a certain human. "Cause it looks like you wanna go me." Shortly after the voice of one Cyan mare permitted the air "Yeah. I'll fight you! Alien!" Oh no she didn't! "What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in Guerrilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Planet, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me IRL? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the world and your location is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Australian Defense Force and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo." Halfway through the tirade Rainbow Dash had landed quietly on the ground. Now that he was finished, well... "I uh... I don-- Wat?" Fluttershy quickly made her move to interject "Flabbergasted! Don't you think it would be great if we went somewhere? Anywhere but here?" She asked imploringly. "lol k" Fluttershy grabbed the young mans hand in her teeth (Ew) and dragged him along. The young man looked back at Rainbow Dash... "Wait, what? She asked nobody, with a confused look. He quickly turned back to Fluttershy. "I think she likes me." Fluttershy could only with whisper a curse upon his family. 5 Minutes Later Alone, stood Rainbow Dash in the deserted market. Still stupefied by what had happened previously with the strange creature. She slowly rested on the ground (Because she's a Pony. I don't gotta explain shit) Whispering a mantra to herself in a defeated voice. "Wat" Author's Note I got bored. Short chapter is short. I do what I want. A Terrible FateI'm a procrastinating piece of shit. I'm sorry, but; typing stories just isn't in my priorities. Don't hate me. Day One: Never Trust The Author With a Plotpoint Involving a FireFluttershy, through her panic took a glance at her surroundings. She quickly asserted she was falling through some sort of dimensional warp. A white canvas dominated by a wide variety of clocks seemed to surround her on all ends. Though they seemed to be turning anti clockwise. Was that what he meant? She would have screamed if she could, her mouth opened but no sound could be heard. It was as if noise had stopped flowing all together, other than a slight sense of vertigo the constant falling was almost, calming. In any other place she would be scared, but a tight warmth surrounded her, as if she was being held against her mothers breast. The void suddenly stopped and her vision faded to black... She awoke to the sound of chirping. Quickly rushing out of her bed to inspect her surrounding she noticed the familiar characteristics of her room. The same grey wallpapers stayed resolute on her walls, surroundings as they always had time and time again. Keeping her sane is a world of fear. That was, until she noticed the very outplace writing on the walls. In red ink it read. "hi from peter" It was illiterate and looked like it had been written by a 9 year old with Alzheimer's To say she was confused would be an understatement. "W-who wo--" Then she realized, someone had been in her room. Battling extreme fear she decided to inspect her house. The trek down her stairs had been quite the harrowing experience, the creaks of the stairs adding to the eery silence-- Nothing happened. Fluttershy is just a coward. That's why we love her... At the hen of the staircase leading to her room she noticed the faint sound of music, atleast she thought it was music. It sounded unlike anything she had ever heard before. The music became louder, much louder as she slowly creeped towards her living room. "H-hello?" From her closer proximity she could clearly make out the music. It was strange, she couldn't sing to it, yet, it wasn't a song for dancing. She could feel it the beat reverberating in her heart, she didn't want to dance. She wanted to move. Quickly rushing to the door obscuring the source of the strange music. Flinging it open revealed a strange sight. On the other side of the door was the Human from her dream. Well, she must still be dreaming. She has to be dreaming. That, or she's gone insane. There's no way what's happening is real. "Flutter's! I was waiting for you to wake up!" :D Looking to the human she noticed that he was now staring at her with a bright grin on his face. "I hope the trip through time wasn't that jarring. I accidentally fell through a wormhole and ended up in a high school of horny Cheerleaders. And for some reason they all had Russian accents, oh wellz lul. I guess I should inform you on what's happening. Shit happened, and the author said fuck it." ... I can't handle this. This Human is crazy. How could I eve-- Before she could finish her thought the smart, sexy human continued his tirade. "And then the author was all like "I have other shit to do" and then I was all like "What kind of stuff?" and then he replied "Procrastinating stuff you ignoramus. As If you didn't I'm know, I'm now obligated to finish to stupid story. How could I disappoint all the stoner frat boys who seem to like this crap." but then I was all like "You can do it." and then he told me to get out. :( Quickly turning around he pulled out a giant hammer. "It doesn't matter though. We've got a mission!." He then proceeded to throw the hammer at the large contraption the music was coming from. A loud pop noise was heard before it exploded into flames. Fluttershy was, as always, frightened by these turn of events. "A Fire! We need to put it out!" She then faced the human, looking for an answer. "Eh, it'll be fine." And thus the tale of the glare was born. They say it can make dragons piss themselves in fear. It is also said that it can give humans heart attacks... lol I dunno. "You know, you look cute when you're angry." *Groan* "Please, please, please! Put out the fire!" Fluttershy was now looking up at the human imploringly. "Alright, whatever. I guess I could. But I get a kiss on the cheek though..." "What?" "Oh nothing. lol" Quickly pulling out a fire extinguisher he made his way to the fire. And then he threw the fire extinguisher into the fire. "Huh... well, shit." Fluttershy was starting to tear up now. "Why? Why couldn't you do the sane thing and put out the fire. Now the fires gonna spread and there's nothing to do to stop it." "Well, we could always restart from day one and skip all this bullshit." "Wha-- Before she could finish a familiar melody began to play. There was nothing she could do before her vision faded to black. She fell through a time warp or whatever. Goddammit. Go play Zelda or some shit. It's pretty good, I guess. It's not that great. Ok maybe it's pretty good. I like it. Please don't slaughter my family. When she came too she noticed was seemed to be the sound of a bustling market. Looking around herself she realized her assumption to be true. Ponies of all types were going on about their business. "I already told you! If I was a spy you would already be dead!" Fluttershy knew that voice... the bane of her existence. No. She doesn't hate. She merely... dislikes, yes. That's right. Turning to the source she found the human and a familiar Cyan Pegasus having an argument. The only thing that went through her head was 'Oh Celestia why?' Author's Note I'm so sorry. *Facepalm* I can hardly muster the enthusiasm to work on this story. :( Accept this measly offering. I will try to force myself to keep writing this. (No promises though) Procrastination StationThe Author sat alone at his mothers old Windows XP PC. The soft glow of the not so well aged monitor served only to burn his retinas in the darkness. Lady luck had not been so favorable to our poor author. Translation, she can suck the authors giant dick. The author sighed. He bristled his hair and began to mutter "Please do. Little big Strong arm is suffering drought down there." The room the author wallowed in was dark, almost pitch black. The only sound that permitted the darkness was the sound of music. Nights in white Satin. Instead of doing what the author should be doing, working on his story, he was lounging around in the darkness. A small groan came from the author "I'm sorry. I know I said I was gonna try harder, but.-- I got sidetracked. My laptops motherboard got fried." The author is making excuses. He fixed that problem weeks ago. "I'm not making excuses! I can't type because-- because I've lost the morale to wright. I had a half a chapter sitting on my hard drive. I lost it in the far. I-I can't be bothered typing it again" The author is a deceitful prick. He hasn't even started a new chapter, besides. He types his story's on FimFiction anyway. "Shut up! Stop telling them!" The author is a monkey. "Fuck you! That's just a blatant insult!" The author is having an argument with himself. "... You're right. Have I lost my mind? How did I stoop so low?" Go on... "I wan't to work on the story. I really do, but, I don't have the drive to do it. There's just so many everyday distractions. And the stories. So many goddamn Pony fan-fictions." The music continued to play... "I don't want to do this. I don't want to write this story But, I don't want to give it up... I have to finish it. Whether it kills me." Personally, and I don't think this holds much weight, me being a figment of your imagination. But, you can do it. I believe in you. All you need is a little push. "You know I'm not one for deep emotional talks..." I know, neither am I. *Sigh* Well, whatever... thanks. I guess. Yeah. ... "I'm so lonely..." Don't worry, I'm sure the right girl will come along. "I'm not even ugly! I'm actually quite charming!" Yes. Yes I know... "And so what if I'm a bit pudgy! I can just get natty at the gym." The bitched will mire "Yeah!" Yeah. ... "I'm so lonely..." We all are. Author's Note What do you faggot want to see happen in the next chapter? Suggestions. All over my face-- I want them.
Prologue Prologue In the beginning there was nothing, and then there was stuff, lots and lots of stuff. So much stuff in fact that the collective consciousnesses of the universe had a hissy fit and decided to declare its anger by screwing with random peoples lives. Algebra for one, is a prime example of the universe trolling the local populace of whatever universe you are reading this from. If you encounter Algebra in any shape or form, it is advised that you drop whatever you're doing and run. It is also advised that you never drop a baby for in fact they do not bounce upon impact with the floor, or ceiling, depending on whether the universe decided to flick off the on switch for gravity for your planet. You have my condolences for any inconvenience the universe has put you through, just remember that the universe is a fickle bitch and doesn't take kindly to lower life forms creating a ruckus in her Sixth grade artwork project. That's right! you're an art project. Don't question it though, it will only lower your life expectancy rate by Seven years. God (aka Morgan Freeman) Fluttershy Stumbles Upon a Companion... Cube? "Oh Angel, don't you worry about me." Fluttershy looked down at her chubby tummy remorsefully "You know Mummy needs her walks if she's ever going to impress a Stallion." Little did she know that, somewhere, in a galaxy far, far away, there were beings who would forever do her bidding. But nobody cares about them. "And, you can't forget Sir Quacks Alot's anti depressants" Behind them a Duck stood unnoticed. He had dark feathers. A stark contrast from his lighter shaded brethren. A small tear slowly ran down his right eye. All he wanted was to be loved. "You know how upset he gets when he doesn't get his anti depressants." Angel stared at his caretaker with a neutral expression. The kind of expression you replicate when you just can't be bothered caring about the conversations you're sharing with the person in front of you. Angel didn't have time for petty conversations, for he was a Prince... was a Prince, before his trusted adviser tried to murder him in his sleep. Luckily all Princes know the fabled art of Eye-Don't-Know, where in it allows the user to watch people sleep. Nobody knows who created the technique, which is probably for the best. Luckily! for you I'm the Narrator and the Narrator know's everything everywhere... get your hand out of your Pants right now young man! I am honestly shocked that you could possibly fathom touching yourself while you-- yeah, I don't care. Touch yourself as you see fit. Anyway, A long, long time ago, during the medieval times there was a Bunny called... uh, Jeff! and he liked to watch the other Bunnies sleep. Now the other little Bunnies didn't like this very much so they ran him out of Bunnyville, that and because he was a faggot. Also, he played Bbox. Not 360 now, they ain't had no 360 yet. This is the past stupid. Anyway, he became Emo, dyed his hair black. Which was a bit redundant seeing as his fur was already black. He also started cutting his wrists, because apparently you can't be an Emo if you don't cut yourself. Now, you might be thinking "Mr. Narrator Sir, why doesn't he just hang out with the other Emo Bunnies?" to which I would reply "Fuck you that's why." He was obviously ignored by the other Emo Bunnies because he was a Scrub faggot who played Bbox and didn't know real pain. So he killed himself... wait, where was I going with this? oh right, some drunk hobo bum Bunny accidentally created the technique when busting for Bunny coins. The Bunny kingdoms currency at the time. Moral of the story, don't be an Emo faggot, It won't get you anywhere. Just hide your feelings and turn that frown upside down. Angel suddenly got the feeling he was being watched. His Paws started sweating, his knees went weak, arms went heavy. There's Vomit on his fur already. Fluttershy's salad. He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready. Why am I getting flashbacks from the time I watched The 8 Mile? anyway, I might as well tell you where this is going, while Angel has his little little epileptic fit. Its okay for me to say that because I have a friend who has Epilepsy and he's cool with it, so. He saw his trusted adviser try to slit his Bunny throat, but! through the fabled art of Eye-Don't-Know he survived by the hairs on his cutesy chinny Bunny chin... or something. Wait, he was watching himself sleep?! who the hell does that?! *Sigh* whatever, I don't even-- whatever. His family quickly and unceremoniously sent him off to live in the safety of Equestria for fear of his life. He was supposed to make a pilgrimage to his Brothers Uncles half related half Twin... eh? hell, I dunno let's just say they were kinda related. Anyway, he got lost in the fucking Woods. So that just goes to show how well he would do in the Bunny Scouts. "Angel? are you alright? are you in a grumpy mood again? I'll make you the salad with the cherry on top that you like when I come home, would you like that?" Angels interest was piqued. Besides, It's not like anyone actually cared about his history. "Yes, of course I would like a salad you insufferable doormat." Sadly, the meaning of Angels words were lost in translation. "Aww, I love you too Angel." *Facepaw* Commence hugging immediately. There was nothing Angel could do as his caretaker went in for the kill. Picking him up and nuzzling him. He could hear the other Bunnies taunting him already... oh wait, he actually could hear them taunting him already. Snickers and jokes were being directed towards him from across the room, right where there were a group of other Bunnies, behind that group was another group... the females, more importantly, the popular, cute girl bunnies. It was then that Angel came to a life altering conclusion. He was shocked that he hadn’t thought of it before, but now this realization hit him like a freight train. It was the kind of deep, philosophical discovery that one makes very few times in their life: "I hate everything." Don't worry Angel, We hate everything too. "Ok Angel, I have to go so don't forget-- "I don't have time for your petty squabble. Would you just leave already." "Oh! Angel?!" Fluttershy exclaimed with a expression of shock. Angel looked up at his caretaker with hope. Hope that she had finally understood him. Finally understood his lack of interest in her pathetic life. "Rarity's... plot isn't that big. Its stylishly curvaceous is all. All hope in Angel's beady eye's were lost in that moment. Although he did like the look of that fat pillow. Oh, how he would love to just watch it bounce up and down all day. Maybe give it a-- Woah there Angel, don't take it too far now. Angel continued to wallow in self pity while Fluttershy continued on her rant. "Imagine how scandalous! the day Rarity's plot turned into a Marshmallow!" Wait what? "I like Marshmallows." Fluttershy said with a blush. "They're... nice." Yeah, yeah, yeah. Keep on going you crazy talking horse. Fluttershy had made it out the door by now, listing off things that he couldn't forget. He payed slight attention after he was sure he had mistakenly heard Napalm somewhere in the mess of Blah's and slightly more interesting, Blah's. *Slam* Angel slammed the door shut... what were you expecting? a kiss goodbye? <<<|Ω|>>> "Oh I hope they all play nice." Fluttershy said with worry in her voice as she followed the path leading from her house. "I trust Angel, he can take good care while I'm gone." Meanwhile... "Oh gawd make it stop!" Angel shouted as the animals supposedly under his jurisdiction had a rave orgy right in front of him. And to think. This story hasn't even started yet. Author's Note What is this?! I don't even...
What mustn't I do?As Fluttershy followed the path from her cottage she started to delve deep into the aspects of philosophy. "What is the meaning of life?" "Where do we go when we die?" "Does Celestia and Luna really control the Sun and Moon?" "Is that a 2 dollar coin?" (Jokes on you, Americans) In fact it was a 2 dollar coin (Ha) sitting all by itself in the path. Fluttershy stared at the 2 dollar coin with fear and uncertainty, which is to be expected when 2 dollar coins haven't been in service since, like 2003. You never know when Celestia will start to tax the public mass of Ponies for finding old, unused forms of currency. "I thing I'll just avoid it." Fluttershy stated... No. This isn't right... the author has plans for you girl... "Oh my, I seem to have acquired an uncontrollable urge to collect this lone coin." Fluttershy spoke with a hint of fear and uncertainty. Well placed fear and uncertainty I might add because I OWN YOU! I OWN YOU!!!111one1 *Cough cough* As Fluttershy wen't to pick up the 2 dollar coin something ~~un~~expected happened. Fore out came two Royal Guards who's jobs are to uphold the law and ~~keep the Zebra's in line~~ protect and serve. "Stop right there, criminal scum! Nobody breaks the law on our watch! We're confiscating your stolen goods. Now pay your fine or its off to jail. The two guards shouted in unison. Fluttershy's reaction was of course to panic, as do all fickle creatures when put under extreme pressure... "I'm so sorry! I meant no harm! Please let me go! Please!" The guards would not be taking any of this however. They have innocents to ~~arrest~~ protect. Before Fluttershy could react though, she felt a striking pain on the back of her head. Her vision shortly faded to black. Behind her stood a Stallion holding a Blackjack, and wearing a dark cloak. Dry, heavy breathing could be heard from withijn the recesses of his hood., whilst the cloak hid his appearance. "Thank you for aiding us in our arrest civilian, you may go." The cloaked Stallion would not move. "Can I keep the body?" The Royal Guards raised their eyebrows in unison. "I'm sorry, sir. I don't think we are legally allowed to give you the body." The Cloaked ~~Rapist~~ Stallion still would not leave. "Is that a no?" The Royal Guards were losing their patience now "Did I bucking stutter?!" The one to the left shouted "Cause I don't think I mother bucking stuttered!" Intermission Alone lay the author, on his bed. Silently contemplating life. "Why the hell am I doing this? Its not like anyone will actually read this crap!" Did I mention the fact that he has a split personality? No? Well, now you know. Besides, Its not like it's ever fucking been done before!. "Buddy, you're putting too much faith in humanity again. They will read it. Trust me, you may have bad grammar and lack the proper experience to type a respectable fanfiction, but you can do it. I believe in you." "What are you gay?" ... "Go fuck yourself." "I'm not your mother last night." "She's your mother too." So? "This is why you don't have friends." "Yeah, but you're me. So in essence you don't have friends either." "Sometimes I contemplate killing myself to be rid of your presence." "With what? A part of my Cerebellum? You're a fucking split personality." ... "You're a split personality." "Yeah, great comeback. I'll make sure to call my-- wait, why have I lost all motor function?" Now, lets type some ~~quality~~ acceptable fanfiction. "I hate you so much right now." "If you stew the brew, You're gonna have a bad time." "If you stew the brew, You're gonna have a bad time." -- A Dick In My Head "You have a dick in your head?" ... Sometimes I contemplate killing myself to be rid of you're presence." End Intermission "I want my pizza!" "I swear, if you get Pepperoni I will blow you sky high." "But you know I only like Pepperoni." "Yep!" "Fuck you, I get what I want aigh't!" *Angst* "Man, you a faggot." Static... "I want to kiss you..." "I would like that..." Static... Fluttershy woke with a pounding headache. It was as if somepony had bludgeoned her skull with a blunt object... A quick observation gave way to the fact that she was in what appeared to be a dark, dank and filthy dungeon. Panic gave way to fear. Fear gave way to lust... kinky. "What ever have I done to end up in a place like this?" Fluttershy swooned. "If would be absolutely terrible if a big, strong, stallion were to overpower me." Seconds passed in silence as her grin started to waver. "Well fine! I'll just use this penis shaped rock then!" Oh gawd, didn't think you would ever hear that in a story now did you? "Wow. She's really going at it..." "Yes... she is certainly throwing that rock at the wall." "What? Is that what kids call it these days?" "This story is rated Teen... atleast, I think it is. Besides, we have young and impressionable 9 year olds on this site." "Nine year olds are the reason we cant have nice things. I can't even piss in public because its "Public Indecency" Its all they're faults." "You're a psychopath..." Static... As Fluttershy observed her surroundings she noticed a peculiar cube shaped object. Being the absolute party animal she is she decided to inspect it. When she touched it a message briefly passed her vision, it read something along the lines off. It seems to be a cube. A Companion Cube! With this item you can complete tests for the people who are still alive... did I mention the cake is a lie? A faint ~~gunshot~~ loud banging noise was heard before another text grazed her vision. "Hello, my name is |̓̉͌̊̀ͧ͏͎̦͇̟̀|̸̠͙̠͎͍̤̗͙̞͍̤̻̫͔̙̉̾͌̍̉͛ͥ̅͒̃͋̽̐ͬ̐̚̕|ͪ̍ͦͣ͑̀̊ͭͫ͛̒͆̏̀͒̉͂ͦ͛͝҉͏͝͏̹̩̹̩̱̣̬|̎̎̊ͪ̉ͧ͆̚҉̲̻͉͈͖̙͟͝|̈̅͐ͭ́̋͛̏̈́̓ͥ̋ͮͤ̃ͩ̚̕҉̘̭̜̣͠͡ͅ|̵̛͍̠͙̥̭̼̞̬̝͈̩̤̫̜͓̘̐̈̊ͧ̆ͭ̈ͥ̾̃̐ͥ͋ͪ̽ͯ͒ͣͫ͘͝ͅ|̨͖̥̤̭̤̰̝̭͇̦̙̬͎̰̺͓ͩ̈́͛̅ͩ̐̐ͥ̿̃ͯ͑͑̆ͬ͑̍̇̾́ͅ|̨͔̞͓̳̱̪͈̯̍̋̽ͦ̌̇ͥ͒ͦͯ̇̓́̇ͬ̐̎̇ͤ́͡͠͠|ͦ̑͑͒͌̍͐́̅ͤ̄̈̆͆ͬ̎̚̚͘͢҉̼͕͍̪̭̹̗̜̠ and I'll be helping you on your journey." Fluttershy could only do whatever most Ponies do when in shock, and by that I mean freak the fuck out, besides. Something this crazy hadn't happened to her since that one time she dropped acid real hard. Even then she only woke up in a zoo covered in bruises. She smelt like Manticore for weeks after that. "Hey genius. I know you and most of the denizens of Equestria are suffering from extreme bouts of brain diarrhea but I think you can atleast muster the brain cells to pay attention. I know the Author couldn't give two shits about coherency and all, but this story need a plot other than... well, whatever you could call "this" So I'm here to keep you sane and productive. Without me we would be in Utah, referencing Skyrim memes... and by that I mean bat shit inconsolable unfortunately I am the High King of Skyrim. So we aren't-- dammit. Even I'm slipping up." This was certainly allot to soak in for dear old Fluttershy... "What? I uh, I mean... what?" "Don't worry! I'll just take your inane questions as appreciation for my aid." "You're here to help me?" Asked Fluttershy, confused. She might aswell accept his aid in a situation as dire as this "Something strange has happened. I can't think straight and my memories feel wrong." "Yeah, That's what happens when you let ~~MindFcuk in Aisles~~ ~~Silicone Lube~~ Flabbergasted put on his Author pants." ... "Who?" "That's also seems to be the reason he's doing this. Its all Regidars fault. Stupid sexy Regidar." Before Fluttershy could ask who Regidar was a loud rumbling could be heard from outside her cell. "Oh no..." The mysterious stranger seemed to sigh in indignation. Fluttershy suspected that he knew what was going on, but didn't ask due to the MindFcukery she was experiencing. "Fluttershy, I implore you move to the cell bars. Otherwise this could get very messy." Fluttershy complied quickly. She had no idea what would happened, but she trusted the voice in her head... She would definitely be seeing a psychiatrist after this ordeal. The rumbling from outside her cell wall got louder as every second passed. It wasn't long before the wall exploded in a flurry of dust and stone . Before Fluttershy stood a young looking ~~Human~~ creature. The most noticeable aspect of this human was his strange style of clothing, consisting of a pair of grey ~~sweat pants~~ comfortable and practical tracksuit pants, a slightly baggy dark green hoodie and a grey fedora. The strange creature delicately walked into the dungeon cell, looked around and said. "And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for your meddling sanity." He looked down at Fluttershy with surprise before quickly changing to adoraton. He then turned away. "Yes! This is finally the moment I've been waiting for! I can use my powers to make Fluttershy fall in love with me. *Cackle* Then I can finally settle down, maybe even have a family!" A small tingle traveled down his spine "Its going to be so Awesome!" He turned back to Fluttershy with a manic look in his eyes. Slowly reciting a mantra, as if reading from a script. "Fluttershy looked up at the human with lust in her eyes. She had never seen such a charming looking man before in her life, oh how she wanted to just rip off his clothes and make sweet sens-- "You do realize I'm here right?" The strange human took a double take while Fluttershy blushed heavily. "Sanity? What the fuck are you doing here? Let alone, cock blocking me! You're in my Waifu!" "I've decided to intervene... besides, I thought the Pink one was your "Waifu"" ... "Meh, I'm not picky, I'll get her when the time is right." Yes, well, your powers won't be affecting my right hand. And, I must ask. Why by what is all right are you wearing a Fedora? Don't tell me you've finally lost it and become one of those *Shudder* hipsters? That's low, even for you." "Fedora? The human looked up to his forehead with his two blue eyes. The place where the abomination rested. Now that Fluttershy could get a good look at him she noticed that he had deep purple rings under his eyes. Was he hurt? No, its seemed closer akin to sleep deprivation. "Oh my. I had no idea this was here." He casually took the Fedora from his head and muttered a few words "As the Author muttered a few words the disgusting, yet stylish article of clothing disintegrated. Confirming no harm would come from it anymore." Nothing happened. A confused look came to the Authors face. "Huh? I was sure th-- His ramblings were interrupted by the Fedora in his hands exploding in his face. For a few seconds he stood stock still. Fluttershy looked on in concern. "Um, are you alright?" No answer came though. He quietly sighed then turned to her. "Yeah, I guess." He slowly looked up at the clear sky from the hole in the wall he had created earlier. "Fucking asshole. He can't even treat his mental representation with respect." Fluttershy was sure she could hear mad giggling come from somewhere, though she couldn't quite pinpoint from where. He observed the room once again. Laying his eyes on the Strange cube that had started this all. "What the hell? Why is there a Companion Cube?" He started to casually walk towards it "Is this the work of the Author... or maybe Sanity?" A few seconds passed before his gaze quickly came upon Fluttershy again "Sanity, I asked you a question. I know you're in there." Fluttershy could hear no response though. "I'm sorry Mr...? I never got your name." A look of understanding came upon his face "Oh, you can call me Lube." Her previous blush returned at full force "L-Lube?" He gave her a sultry grin "Silicone Lube for short. I'm joking though, you can call me Silicone, if you so wish." "How is that shor-- never mind. I just wan't to go home." The hope in her eyes could sway mountains "I just want everything to go back to normal." Lube gave her a cheeky grin "If that's all ya wanted than ya shouldeh bloody asked." he stated in a bad Scottish accent He quickly turned around and shouted "I'd like to see you do better you fuck!" Ignoring the strange creatures sudden outburst she turned to the so called "Companion Cube" What was the importance of such an object? Was it some sort of mystical item? Cherished once by a lost civilization? ... Nah. "Its completely useless. At least it is now." She turned to the creature, he now had a sullen look on his face. "This cube was going to play a significant roll in the things to come..." She observed the cube. Wondering how it could possibly be worth anything. Except for the cute heart it was nothing but a large, ornamental cube. "What is it exactly? I've never seen anything like it." "Honestly, I don't know. It was supposed to be the bricks and bones of this story... but, now. Now its nothing more than a dejected plot point." He slowly turned to Fluttershy. "Just. Like. You." The words were uttered without any emotion. "This story could have gone somewhere. But, it didn't. So now, I'm going have to erase you." The creature started to advance on Fluttershy with a devilish grin on his face "No! I don't want to be erased! D: " Fluttershy squealed. "Good! Because I'm just fucking with you." "Wh-what? You're not go- gonna erase me?" "Nope. I'm yanking your chain, pulling your leg, holding your noodle hostage, licking your--" Fluttershy looked up at the creature with anger in her eyes. Ignoring his previous remark. How could he trick her like that? What horrible creature could do such a thing? Before she could berate him for being a "Big meanie" He smirked and said "Doesn't matter though. Have you ever played Majora's Mask?" Fluttershy was confuse "No. What's tha-- He interrupted though "Good! Neither have I!" He had of course. We don't want angry fan boys slitting his throat in the night do we? "Baby! Were going back to the start! :D " Out of nowhere a beautiful song started to reverberate across the walls. Before Fluttershy could react her vision faded to black Author's Note Hey, guys! Wanna help me edit this mess? Moral of the chapter: Don't mess with a man's Pizza, also, time travel is fun. Also, ending was overhauled. Details were changed and/or added. Fuck were kinda given. But not many though...
Day One: Welcome To The Dirty Side Of The Street"Do you fuckin' wanna go me mate?" Shouted the familiar voice of a certain human. "Cause it looks like you wanna go me." Shortly after the voice of one Cyan mare permitted the air "Yeah. I'll fight you! Alien!" Oh no she didn't! "What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in Guerrilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Planet, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me IRL? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the world and your location is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Australian Defense Force and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo." Halfway through the tirade Rainbow Dash had landed quietly on the ground. Now that he was finished, well... "I uh... I don-- Wat?" Fluttershy quickly made her move to interject "Flabbergasted! Don't you think it would be great if we went somewhere? Anywhere but here?" She asked imploringly. "lol k" Fluttershy grabbed the young mans hand in her teeth (Ew) and dragged him along. The young man looked back at Rainbow Dash... "Wait, what? She asked nobody, with a confused look. He quickly turned back to Fluttershy. "I think she likes me." Fluttershy could only with whisper a curse upon his family. 5 Minutes Later Alone, stood Rainbow Dash in the deserted market. Still stupefied by what had happened previously with the strange creature. She slowly rested on the ground (Because she's a Pony. I don't gotta explain shit) Whispering a mantra to herself in a defeated voice. "Wat" Author's Note I got bored. Short chapter is short. I do what I want.
A Terrible FateI'm a procrastinating piece of shit. I'm sorry, but; typing stories just isn't in my priorities. Don't hate me.
Day One: Never Trust The Author With a Plotpoint Involving a FireFluttershy, through her panic took a glance at her surroundings. She quickly asserted she was falling through some sort of dimensional warp. A white canvas dominated by a wide variety of clocks seemed to surround her on all ends. Though they seemed to be turning anti clockwise. Was that what he meant? She would have screamed if she could, her mouth opened but no sound could be heard. It was as if noise had stopped flowing all together, other than a slight sense of vertigo the constant falling was almost, calming. In any other place she would be scared, but a tight warmth surrounded her, as if she was being held against her mothers breast. The void suddenly stopped and her vision faded to black... She awoke to the sound of chirping. Quickly rushing out of her bed to inspect her surrounding she noticed the familiar characteristics of her room. The same grey wallpapers stayed resolute on her walls, surroundings as they always had time and time again. Keeping her sane is a world of fear. That was, until she noticed the very outplace writing on the walls. In red ink it read. "hi from peter" It was illiterate and looked like it had been written by a 9 year old with Alzheimer's To say she was confused would be an understatement. "W-who wo--" Then she realized, someone had been in her room. Battling extreme fear she decided to inspect her house. The trek down her stairs had been quite the harrowing experience, the creaks of the stairs adding to the eery silence-- Nothing happened. Fluttershy is just a coward. That's why we love her... At the hen of the staircase leading to her room she noticed the faint sound of music, atleast she thought it was music. It sounded unlike anything she had ever heard before. The music became louder, much louder as she slowly creeped towards her living room. "H-hello?" From her closer proximity she could clearly make out the music. It was strange, she couldn't sing to it, yet, it wasn't a song for dancing. She could feel it the beat reverberating in her heart, she didn't want to dance. She wanted to move. Quickly rushing to the door obscuring the source of the strange music. Flinging it open revealed a strange sight. On the other side of the door was the Human from her dream. Well, she must still be dreaming. She has to be dreaming. That, or she's gone insane. There's no way what's happening is real. "Flutter's! I was waiting for you to wake up!" :D Looking to the human she noticed that he was now staring at her with a bright grin on his face. "I hope the trip through time wasn't that jarring. I accidentally fell through a wormhole and ended up in a high school of horny Cheerleaders. And for some reason they all had Russian accents, oh wellz lul. I guess I should inform you on what's happening. Shit happened, and the author said fuck it." ... I can't handle this. This Human is crazy. How could I eve-- Before she could finish her thought the smart, sexy human continued his tirade. "And then the author was all like "I have other shit to do" and then I was all like "What kind of stuff?" and then he replied "Procrastinating stuff you ignoramus. As If you didn't I'm know, I'm now obligated to finish to stupid story. How could I disappoint all the stoner frat boys who seem to like this crap." but then I was all like "You can do it." and then he told me to get out. :( Quickly turning around he pulled out a giant hammer. "It doesn't matter though. We've got a mission!." He then proceeded to throw the hammer at the large contraption the music was coming from. A loud pop noise was heard before it exploded into flames. Fluttershy was, as always, frightened by these turn of events. "A Fire! We need to put it out!" She then faced the human, looking for an answer. "Eh, it'll be fine." And thus the tale of the glare was born. They say it can make dragons piss themselves in fear. It is also said that it can give humans heart attacks... lol I dunno. "You know, you look cute when you're angry." *Groan* "Please, please, please! Put out the fire!" Fluttershy was now looking up at the human imploringly. "Alright, whatever. I guess I could. But I get a kiss on the cheek though..." "What?" "Oh nothing. lol" Quickly pulling out a fire extinguisher he made his way to the fire. And then he threw the fire extinguisher into the fire. "Huh... well, shit." Fluttershy was starting to tear up now. "Why? Why couldn't you do the sane thing and put out the fire. Now the fires gonna spread and there's nothing to do to stop it." "Well, we could always restart from day one and skip all this bullshit." "Wha-- Before she could finish a familiar melody began to play. There was nothing she could do before her vision faded to black. She fell through a time warp or whatever. Goddammit. Go play Zelda or some shit. It's pretty good, I guess. It's not that great. Ok maybe it's pretty good. I like it. Please don't slaughter my family. When she came too she noticed was seemed to be the sound of a bustling market. Looking around herself she realized her assumption to be true. Ponies of all types were going on about their business. "I already told you! If I was a spy you would already be dead!" Fluttershy knew that voice... the bane of her existence. No. She doesn't hate. She merely... dislikes, yes. That's right. Turning to the source she found the human and a familiar Cyan Pegasus having an argument. The only thing that went through her head was 'Oh Celestia why?' Author's Note I'm so sorry. *Facepalm* I can hardly muster the enthusiasm to work on this story. :( Accept this measly offering. I will try to force myself to keep writing this. (No promises though)
Procrastination StationThe Author sat alone at his mothers old Windows XP PC. The soft glow of the not so well aged monitor served only to burn his retinas in the darkness. Lady luck had not been so favorable to our poor author. Translation, she can suck the authors giant dick. The author sighed. He bristled his hair and began to mutter "Please do. Little big Strong arm is suffering drought down there." The room the author wallowed in was dark, almost pitch black. The only sound that permitted the darkness was the sound of music. Nights in white Satin. Instead of doing what the author should be doing, working on his story, he was lounging around in the darkness. A small groan came from the author "I'm sorry. I know I said I was gonna try harder, but.-- I got sidetracked. My laptops motherboard got fried." The author is making excuses. He fixed that problem weeks ago. "I'm not making excuses! I can't type because-- because I've lost the morale to wright. I had a half a chapter sitting on my hard drive. I lost it in the far. I-I can't be bothered typing it again" The author is a deceitful prick. He hasn't even started a new chapter, besides. He types his story's on FimFiction anyway. "Shut up! Stop telling them!" The author is a monkey. "Fuck you! That's just a blatant insult!" The author is having an argument with himself. "... You're right. Have I lost my mind? How did I stoop so low?" Go on... "I wan't to work on the story. I really do, but, I don't have the drive to do it. There's just so many everyday distractions. And the stories. So many goddamn Pony fan-fictions." The music continued to play... "I don't want to do this. I don't want to write this story But, I don't want to give it up... I have to finish it. Whether it kills me." Personally, and I don't think this holds much weight, me being a figment of your imagination. But, you can do it. I believe in you. All you need is a little push. "You know I'm not one for deep emotional talks..." I know, neither am I. *Sigh* Well, whatever... thanks. I guess. Yeah. ... "I'm so lonely..." Don't worry, I'm sure the right girl will come along. "I'm not even ugly! I'm actually quite charming!" Yes. Yes I know... "And so what if I'm a bit pudgy! I can just get natty at the gym." The bitched will mire "Yeah!" Yeah. ... "I'm so lonely..." We all are. Author's Note What do you faggot want to see happen in the next chapter? Suggestions. All over my face-- I want them.
