Clouds, yo'

by ibebojack

Rating: mature
Tags: Human, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Other, Romance, Sex
Length: 2531

Oblivious and sexually frustrated Anonymous has a date with Rainbow Dash

Anonymous is a human just like you (if you frequent 4chan) or me. He just happens to live in Equestria, and boy are his balls turning blue...

Apparently Rainbow Dash wants to do something, but first he'd better deal with his raging erection.

Published 2013-01-10 12:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-01-10 12:10:02 UTC

Clouds, yo'

There is not now, and has not ever been, a recorded instance of balls as blue as your are today. All morning and most of the afternoon you've been unsuccessfully trying to talk your dick down with pron and fapping, but it's no use. If your balls were children, protective services would have taken them away for how clearly you've suffocated them. You could dip them in blue paint and they'd come out LESS blue than they are now. Maybe it's because you've been here for so long and never indulged, even teasing yourself once or twice with thoughts that you might. Maybe it's because these mares are legitimately hot as fuck. You don't know how, you don't know why, but on this day you have a great need. A need to put your dick in a horse. Congratulations. Please select your target, and may God have mercy on your soul.

Books is inquisitive and would probably be willing, if only for the sake of science. Yellowquiet... well, yeah. She wants it. But if you give it to her, you're letting her WIN. And if she WINS, that means you LOSE and you can't be having none of that shit. Fashionslut would be easy, but... well, you'd guess she's had plenty of cock in her before. Pony cock. Cock that puts your lil' soldier to shame with girth that even Gary Motherfucking Oak would have to respect. Coked up clown could be fun. Although they do say never to stick it in crazy. Apples and apple accessories is a sturdy gal. If she's up for it, she'd do you proper. Dash is your bro and therefore not an acceptable pone to fuck.

Hmmm... well then. Apples or books. You reach into your pocket to flip a coin, but realize you don't have any on you. Your wallet is in the other room. You turn to go grab it, when there's a knock at the door. You take a quick peek to make sure your RAGING BONER is in check and you're in a condition to answer it. Should be okay. It is a MIGHTY erection, but your pants are holding it at bay. You slide the door open.

"Hey Anon, I know this is gonna sound weird but-" She stops in mid-sentence and starts blushing furiously, staring off to the left.

Dafuq? "Bro?"

She keeps looking off to the side, but resumes talking. "Heh, yeah, like I was saying... I HAD a date tonight at this restaurant, but the guy cancelled at the last minute. It's supposed to be really good, and the reservations were pretty hard to get so, um, I was wondering if... maybe... you'd want to come?"

Ohgodyes. You want to so bad. Ahem. That's not what she meant, though. It's still early. You can spend a bit fucking the shit out of a horse and still be on time for dinner. And if your bro is offering, well, who are you to turn her down? "Sure."

"Okaycoolseeyouatsevenbye!" she spits before flying the FUCK out of there like her house was on fire or something.

Huh. You wonder what's gotten into her? You also wonder who you're going to get into... Your RELENTLESSLY THROBBING BONER is getting impatient. Books lives closer to you. Decision made. You grab your wallet and keys and whatnot, then slip out the door and scurry down the road toward the library.

You hurriedly punch at the door until Spike answers it. "Yo, Twilight in?"

He points a thumb up down the stairs to the basement. "Down there doing Celestia knows what. Be careful."

You give him a little fistbump. "Thanks."

He waddles back toward the library shelves and you scramble down the stairs. "Twilight! How are you today?" you say just a little too loud and with a little too much forced cheer.

"Oh, hello Anonymous! I was actually just about to do an experiment where I'd need a volunteer. Care to help me out?"

"Sure!" you manage through an overly-toothy grin.

"Great! All you need to do is stand right over there," she says, pointing a hoof at a big red "x" painted on the floor.

You suppress the urge to raise an eyebrow and obediently march to your spot.

Twilight presses a button.
...
Nothing happens. Her face scrunches in confusion. "Huh. Well, that's weird. I guess I won't be needing your help right now after all. Sorry."

"Oh, it's fine." Throb throb. "Say, would YOU like to help ME with an experiment?"

Her eyes light up. "WOULD I?!"

"Would you?"

"WOULD I?!"

That's a stupid reference. You're stupid. Throb throb. "Does the basement door lock?"

"I think so. Why?"

"For this particular experiment, we need to make sure there are absolutely no interruptions."

She grimaces. "Oooh, sorry. No can do, Anonymous. I'm expecting a very important letter that I'll need to respond to right away. Can your experiment wait for a while? Maybe until tomorrow?"

Haha NO. Without saying goodbye, you bound up the stairs and start sprinting toward Sweet Apple Acres. You really, REALLY need it. Bad. You don't even notice when you bump into Applejack on your way over.

"Whoah there, Anon. What's got your baby in dingo territory?"

You smile that same, hideous grin. "Applejack! Just the mare I was looking for."

She tips her hat. "Well, ain't that a fine howdy-do. What can I do for ya?"

"This request might read a little odd, but um... you ever wanted to... let me poison your water hole?"

"Pardon?"

"Put my snake in your boot?"

"Come again?"

Her word choice. It is frustrating. "Be your favorite deputy?"

Realization dawns across her face. "OOOOH, yer askin' if I ever considered fuckin' ya. Well, 'course I did!"

"Great!"

She leans in close and starts whispering. "Don't tell 'em I told ya, but pretty much all the gals did at one time or another. One a mite more than the others."

"So, you want to go at it like rabbits?"

"Shucks, Anon, now? No can do. If you would'a come to me a few months back, I prob'ly coulda helped you out, but not no more."

"What? Why?"

"Oh, jes a promise to a good friend."

"But... you! Me! Dick give receive yes!"

She chuckles. "Sorry. But I wouldn't worry too much if I was you. You'll get what's comin' to ya soon enough."

"That's not soon enough!"

"What time-" She looks up at the sun. "Heavens to Betsy, it must be almost seven! I gotta run! You do, too! I'll see ya 'round!" And with that she gallops off. Wait, how does she know you have somewhere to be? Whatever.

FUCK. Okay. Okay. Think. Maybe... maybe this isn't so bad. Maybe this will pass and you won't wind up fucking a horse. Maybe you're better than your baser instincts. Maybe a nice dinner will take your mind off your dick. Besides, you can't just let your bro down by not showing up. You already told her you would, and her date already canceled on her. It'd be really shitty of you to leave her hangin', not getting what she wants.

You dash back toward your place and catch a glimpse of rainbow closing in from the clouds. You wave and call out to her, and she switches trajectory to land in front of you. Huh... you don't remember her eyes being that... shadowed. Or her lips being that bright. God, your dick is really getting to you. STAY FOCUSED! Dinner! Dinner with bro!

"Hey Anon! You ready?"

"Sure am. Starving, too. Which way's the grub?"

She laughs nervously and rubs a hoof against the back of her head. "Funny thing about that... I guess I didn't think it through. It's kinda... up."

"Up?"

"Like, cloudwise. You're gonna have to, um, ride me."

Throb throb. FUCK, dick, what is wrong with you? Ride like a PONY.
...Exactly.
GOD DAMNIT THAT ISN'T WHAT YOU MEANT. You shake your head clear of that train of thought. "Alright. So, do I just get on?"

"Heh, yeah. Just... just go for it." She turns around and spreads her wings. It almost looks like she spreads her legs just a little as well.

Duh, idiot, she's taking a wider stance before takeoff. Your nose twitches. Then your dick twitches. You shimmy forward and sit on her soft, supple back.

She makes a weird grunt and then lifts off into the sky. She makes a point of being gentle with you, since you've never done this before. After a minute, she stops on an empty cloud.

You slide off and are surprised to find you don't sink through the cloud. How and why "Is this it?"

"Um... no."

"Then why are we stopping?"

She looks down, blushes, and swirls a hoof in the fluffy white surface. "I haven't been completely honest with you."

Right on. Bros coming clean of their own volition is righteous.

"There's... no dinner. No restaurant. I didn't even have a date."

"Say whaaa? Then why are we here?"

"Are you really that thick?"

For a human, yeah. Not to brag or anything. Huehuehue. This is not good. It's REALLY getting to you. You're almost starting to think your bro looks pretty good. "Dash, I'm not sure what you're going on about here. And I mean no disrespect, but I don't think I can handle realtalk right now. I kinda... have a problem. I was hoping food would take my mind off it, but if that's out, I dunno how much use I can be with a distraction like this weighing me down."

Her face droops. "Oh..."

Aw, man. You can't do that to your bro. Fuck it, she was about to come clean with you. Do the same for her. "I wish I could help, but y'see I... um... I have an immortal erection. I was trying to beat it back, but nothing was working. I think maybe I should go see a doctor about some medication to get this under control. I mean, can you believe I was ready and willing to fuck Twilight? Or Applejack? Or... pretty much ANY of you girls?"

Her wings spring up. "Anon, realtalk, okay? I need you to be 100% honest here. You're not fucking with me right now, are you?"

You grin sheepishly and shake your head. "I'm afraid not."

"Then fuck me."

With one swift, pulsing throb, your dick pops the button on your pants. There's no zipper, but the fit is such that they don't immediately fall to your ankles - perfect though that might have been. "Are you... are you serious?"

"Oh my GOSH yes! You don't even... I mean, honestly? Sometimes I thought maybe you were retarded. I've been hinting for MONTHS! I got Applejack to swear you were off limits, and I even called in a favor with Twilight so you could cloudwalk so that I could make my big confession up here where it's all romantic like! And yeah, I'd love to do the whole romance thing, and nothing's gonna change that, but do you know how awesome it would be to just cut loose and fucking FUCK already? Every friggin' time we hang out, I'm a freakin' waterfall! Sploosh!"

"Shhh... no words now." You pull off your pants. "Only sex."

She spins around, and she wasn't kidding! She's wetter than Japan during the tsunami. It's oddly beautiful the way the fading light of the sun glistens just so off of her moist, waiting marehood. She's shivering with anticipation.

You finish unleashing The Beast (TM) and place a hand on the curve of her flank. Was she always this soft? At last, the appointed time has come and the prophecy is fulfilled. A choir of angels rejoices as you plunge your rock-hard cock into her greedy hole. She takes it. She takes it all, and she loves it. You both tremble with ecstasy before you've even begun, sharing hot, panting breaths of desire. Her wings twitch visibly.

She's burning up on the inside, but it's a welcome heat. You feel her tightening around you, and you pull back, tensing your hips. Ramming forward as hard as you can, you slap up against her with a sticky, sweet sound. You settle into an even pace, slow out, hard in. After a few thrusts, she starts bucking her hips in time with your rhythm, pushing herself up and back into you as you move forward, causing you to penetrate even deeper. She's slick, on the outside with sweat even as her lubrication overflows and drips onto the cloud beneath you. Low moans escape her lips with each stroke. You never imagined it could be this sublime, this REAL, as the two of you move in perfect harmony toward ever greater heights of pleasure. It's funny, because you're also literally high up. It's funnier when you explain the joke. It's even FUNNIER when you kill the mood with shitty jokes.

But no humor, no matter how shitty, can interfere now. You can't pretend to know how badly Dash needed this, but you understand where you were. And you feel no shame in nearing your climax so soon, under the circumstances. The sheer intensity of your passion drives you to the edge, and you accelerate. Dash turns her head and stares back at you, a string of drool hanging out of the corner of her mouth and an unspoken desire in her eyes. She's panting heavily. You speed up more, slamming into her again and again as fast as you can manage, until you knock her off balance. Her forehooves give out from under her and her face plants into the surface of the cloud, angling her flank up and causing the head of your cock to grind against harshly against her wall. The cloud barely contains her moaning as she struggles to vocalize. "A-anon... I'm-"

You grunt in low, sharp syllables. "I know."

With one final thrust, you go all in, the hilt of your erection burying itself in the cascading rainbow fibers of her tail as they're pressed up against her cheeks by your pelvis. You quiver. She stops moving and clenches tightly.

You explode. You see stars as you empty yourself into the most amazing mare in Equestria. Her wings lose all tension and drop to her sides. If clouds could bear bite-marks, there would be deep ones. You pull back with a squelching pop, and your seed begins to leak from her, running down her leg and joining the pool of her juices below. She lets her legs go slack, and her rear drops down, splashing into the puddle. She doesn't seem to care, sighing contentedly.

You feel good. Great, even. You can't even remember why you were against doing this before. You do struggle briefly over what the bro-code says about banging, but quickly discard the thought. What does it matter?

You lay down next to her, wrapping your arms around her chest and kissing her neck. The sun goes down, and the two of you fall asleep, high above Ponyville. Above judgment. If what you've done is wrong, you don't want to be right.