Applejack grimaced as she looked out of the library’s front window and through the town. Her eyebrows furrowed in frustration as she pulled her hat off of her head and wrung it through her hooves.
“A little worried?”
Applejack jumped at the sound of Twilight’s voice. A million thoughts swirled through Applejack’s mind; Twilight’s voice fading deep into the abyss. She had completely forgotten the unicorn was even in the room, despite the fact that it was her house. It was a moment that AJ had been anxiously awaiting for months, years it felt like. Her stomach turned and twisted itself into knots. She could almost see those blue eyes…
“Applejack?’’
Once again the earth pony jumped. She tore her gaze away from the window and forcefully met Twilight’s worried expression.
“No worries, Twi. Ah’m alright.”
Applejack ignored the look Twilight shot her and pretended she didn’t hear the short sigh come out of the unicorn’s mouth. Applejack’s eyes were fixated on a building she couldn’t even see. Yet, in her mind, despite all the traffic and the buildings in Ponyville, Applejack could see the building as clear as day. Every corner was sharp, every balcony was vibrant. It was a place she had been to a million and a half times. Her nerves tied another knot in her stomach, causing the tan pony to emit a small nerve-laced grunt. Twilight’s eyebrows crinkled in concern.
“Come on AJ. You know you can trust me.”
Applejack hated hearing the pleading tone in Twilight’s voice. She forced herself to lock eyes with the unicorn, finding that her body resisted. Her green eyes lingered on the window, searching for a building she knew she couldn’t see. AJ bowed her head and sighed, taking a second to collect her thoughts and place her hat back on her head.
“A’course Ah’m nervous, Twi. Ah ain’t ever done nothin’ like this before, and it makes mah stomach turn a little is all. Ah’ll be okay though.”
Applejack’s false bravado brought a smirk to Twilight’s face. The earth pony was nothing if not tough.
“AJ, you’ve been staring out my window for at least two hours now. You can’t even see her house from here.”
The silence in the room was long and drawn out. Applejack could have stared a hole through the floor; her thoughts flooded with the most beautiful blue eyes she had ever seen. Eyes that she could swear haunted her in her dreams. A perfect smile that made her heart stop right dead in its tracks. An amazing smelling mane that had Applejack gnawing at her lip many a time to maintain her self-control. Twilight took a step forward, closing the gap between the two friends and bringing AJ out of her masochistic thought-fest.
“You know, if you’re this nervous, you could just wait…”
“No!”
Applejack’s head lurched up with a frenzy, her wild green eyes meeting Twilight’s. Twilight couldn’t help the grin that snuck into the corner of her mouth. Despite their differences, the two understood each other a little too perfectly sometimes. Twilight knew exactly how to pull Applejack out of her misery. At least for a moment.
“Look, Ah’ve been planin’ this for a long time, and it’s now or never. Ah just… uh, ate a big breakfast is all. Waitin’ for it to digest….”
Twilight once again cocked an eyebrow at her friend, her lips pursed in disbelief.
“Breakfast?”
“You know how Granny Smith gets when she gets’a cookin’.”
Applejack’s eyes shifted around the room, refusing to meet the lavender irises that disbelievingly stared at her. After a long moment, AJ peered under the brim of her hat only to see her friend’s face contorted into a look that ponysonified the phrase ‘getting real with one’s self.’ Applejack sighed again.
“What if she doesn’t like me? What if Ah ruin somethin’ good because Ah’m a loon and can’t control mah feelins for a friend?”
Twilight brought Applejack’s face to meet her own. Her lavender eyes were stern and yet oddly gentle, motherly almost.
“AJ, you don’t need to worry about a thing. You won’t lose a friend. You have nothing to worry about. Worst case scenario is we go get some cake afterwards and tell terrible stories about those mythical humans everyone’s been gossiping about lately. But I can talk to you all day and you still wouldn’t have to believe me. You need to get out there and do something about it instead of sulking in here. Sulking never helped anyone.”
Applejack raised her head to protest but found her thoughts were fuzzy. In fact, her entire body was feeling fuzzy. Applejack tried to look around to find the source of it all, but found that she could not, in fact, physically find her head. Before she had time to properly freak out, her molecules formed together in the right order and her eyes trained on the building she had just been attempting to stare at from Twilight’s window. Applejack cursed under her breath, knowing that Twilight had just transported her to the front door of the Carousel Boutique.
Applejack crushed down her feelings of displeasure towards Twilight, much the same as she had crushed down her true feelings towards Rarity. She swallowed audibly, her stomach lurching into her throat as she stared up the structure of the building. Her muscles glued themselves in place; Applejack couldn’t turn and run even if she wanted to, which she absolutely did. Once again she was frozen outside of Rarity’s home, her heart beating strong enough to buck the apples off of sixty trees. In her mind, nothing was more concrete than the asinine idea of Rarity magically loving her back. It was the same thought that had plagued the earth pony for far too long, and the one thought that kept her from ever opening her mouth. It was the fact that she actively tried to find anything she hated about the pristine unicorn to break the spell over her heart, to no avail.
It was the vision of being rejected by perfection that made it hard to sleep at night. The idea of rejection that always haunted Applejack was currently the only thing that was strong enough to loosen AJ’s petrified muscles. With a heavy chest and muscles moving out of pure defeat, she began to slump back towards Sweet Apple Acres. That is, of course, until the front door opened.
“Oh Applejack! What a wonderful surprise!”
AJ’s muscles refroze immediately and her heart skipped at least a year’s worth of beats. She turned and smiled at the pony that was most definitely not Sweetie Belle, as she had been hoping. Rarity’s blue eyes cut deep into AJ’s core, lighting it up with feelings she tried so hard to suppress. They were the most perfect, most vibrant shade of blue; The work horse could feel her legs start to give out underneath her as she once again fell into the trance of the most perfect eyes in Equestria.
“What are you doing here darling? Anything I can help with?”
Rarity’s words echoed like church bells in Applejack’s mind. Every syllable was perfectly accentuated, every pause the perfect amount of time. Applejack closed her eyes for a moment longer than a blink to regain control of mind. When she opened them, she immediately got lost in those blue eyes and, worse yet, that contagious smile. The corners of AJ’s mouth unwillingly reached upwards whenever the unicorn smiled. It was contagious and perfect. And heartshattering.
Applejack found a mere two second window to snap her eyes shut and wheel around. As hypersensitive as she was to Rarity’s every movement, AJ could feel the unicorn draw a sharp, confused breath. AJ drew a breath of her own and decided to let her emotions take control.
“Rarity Ah… Ah got somethin’ Ah need’ta get off mah chest. Ah…”
Applejack made the mistake of looking behind her and into Rarity’s eyes. The entire world as she knew it blended into those baby blues and made it hard to focus on anything that wasn’t the radiant beauty that was Rarity. The unicorn cocked her head to the side, making it even harder for the earth pony to rise above the toxic levels of adorableness that were being spread over the entirety of Ponyville.
Applejack violently shook her head to regain control. She squeezed her eyes shut, an act of defiance more so towards herself and her stupid heart. Applejack drew a breath and lowered her head, knowing there was no way of avoiding what was going to spill out of her mouth.
“Rarity Ah… Ah think you’re eyes sparkle like a thousand diamonds. Ah get lost in ‘em every time Ah look your way. Your smile could end wars and curse diseases. Your mane is perfect and smells mighty nice, an Ah especially like it when it’s a little messy. Everythin’ about ya does funny things to me. When Ah see you, Ah get a funny feelin’ in my chest that Ah just can’t crush down anymore. It makes me feel weird, like Ah don’t have control of what Ah’m doin’. Ah would run to the ends of the world if ya asked me to. Ah like you more than Ah should and Ah’m sorry and Ah wish Ah didn’t. But Ah can’t help it. Ah’ve tried mah best to break what you are in mah mind, but Ah just can’t. And Ah needed’ta tell ya or else Ah was gonna go plum crazy. Ah… Ah’m sorry.”
The words tripped over themselves as they shoved their way out of Applejack’s mouth. Her green eyes were squeezed shut still and her heart banked on a fairy tale ending. She listened carefully as the breath Rarity sucked in before had not been released yet. Birds chirped high above their heads. Fillies giggled in the distance. Minutes, excruciating minutes, passed without a word. With each passing second, Applejack’s hopeful heart sunk a little lower.
“Oh Applejack…” Rarity exhaled slowly, pain lacing every letter.
AJ’s heart hit rock bottom and seemingly exploded in her chest. She knew that tone well. It was the same one that haunted her in her dreams, the same tone that kept her from saying anything at all. The idea that had scared her so much was now a reality that she wasn’t sure she could handle. She kept her head lowered, embarrassed and vulnerable. Her heart reluctantly skipped a beat as she felt Rarity’s cheek brush her own. Applejack instinctively jerked away, not wanting anypony, least of all Rarity, to feel the dead tears streaming down her face. Rarity paused with apprehension and slowly pulled away.
“I’m so sorry Applejack but… I can’t. I just… I’m not… I couldn’t let you…”
Applejack raised her head slowly and was surprised to find Rarity in such close proximity. Her big blue eyes were wide and sad and bore heavily into the red-eyed earth pony. They stood there for a minute, both silent and lost in each other’s company. Applejack unlocked her jaw and choked out the only other thing she really needed to know.
“Can we still be friends?”
Rarity’s lips pulled upwards, though there was no trace of humor on her face. She looked Applejack in the eyes and nodded once, her voice pulling her words out from under her before she could squeak them out. Applejack smiled though it was empty and cold. She tipped her hat before she wheeled around and stalked off.
A mere trot away from the Carousel Boutique found Twilight Sparkle waiting eagerly, pacing back and forth feverishly. Upon seeing the work horse, she all but contained herself from tackling the earth pony. The only thing that stopped her from doing so was the sullen expression that sat under AJ’s brown hat. Twilight’s face contorted from expectant to happy to concerned to empathetic in about twelve seconds.
“Well?” Twilight still had hope, no matter how small it was.
Applejack grunted, slowly trotting pasted the purple unicorn. Twilight’s face, and heart, sunk. She quickly caught up to Applejack and kept pace with the heartbroken earth pony.
“I’m really sorry AJ. But, nothing will change, right? And, besides, it’s better to get it off your chest so you can heal than let it consume you whole like it was…. Right?”
Applejack didn’t respond, save for the semi-muffled sobs echoing in the streets. Her face remained down, away from eye-contact and the judgment of other ponies. Twilight frowned. She hated knowing there was nothing she could do to make it better. She was powerless. Or was she?
“Hey AJ? Wanna go get a bottle of apple cider? And then I can tell you the story of the time when Pinkie Pie almost lit her butt on fire?”
Applejack stopped and, for the first time, looked at her friend. Despite the tears running down her face, she couldn’t help but laugh. With a nod, the two set off towards an afternoon that would surely be filled with shenanigans and cider. There was, after all, no cure for a broken heart outside of a laugh and distractions.
Rarity stared after the pair of friends as they trotted further away from her home. She sighed and lowered her head, closing her eyes to find peace. When, after a long minute, no peace came, Rarity raised her head and looked to the sky.
“I could never let you down so much as to admit how much you mean to me.”
Tears rushed down Rarity’s face as she ran into her home, for another night of sobbing.
“And then I said, ‘What, you want me to sit on it or something?’”
Laughter roared from the six ponies seated in Twilight’s house. The purple unicorn looked around and smiled. It had been a rather trying couple of weeks. Even now, despite a smile, Twilight could see a soul-crushing sadness behind Applejack’s eyes. Her mouth turned down a ways as she refocused her attention on Rainbow Dash.
“Yeah, Spitfire is definitely on the Dash-Train. But who can blame her? A lot of ladies are.”
Twilight’s breath caught in her chest as she was pretty certain there was a prolonged eye contact between the pegasus and herself. Rainbow Dash smiled as she moved her eyes to the rest of the ponies in the room. Twilight swallowed a lump in her throat; she needed to calm down. There was no time in her life for… whatever this feeling was. And now certainly wasn’t the time to go exploring her mind about her fuzzy-feeling chest. Not that there were any feelings there, of course.
Twilight felt Rainbow Dash’s eyes burning a hole through her body. Reluctantly, the unicorn raised her eyes to meet Rainbow’s, and found her magenta gems were trained in Twilight’s direction. Twilight swallowed audibly as she fought to control her pumping heart. It’s not like she had seen those eyes every night before she went to bed for months now. It’s not like every time those eyes light up while reading Daring Do, Twilight’s blood rushed to her heart and forced it to beat with the ferocity of Pinkie Pie on a cupcake binge. It’s not like she was trying desperately to ignore the rush she felt when Rainbow Dash was in the room. It’s not like she worried for her mental health when a certain pegasus invaded her every thought and dream.
“Isn’t that right, Twilight?” The smile was thick in Rainbow’s voice.
“I… I beg your pardon?”
Rainbow Dash’s grin grew wider; Out of the corner of her eyes, Twilight could see Pinkie’s grin growing as well.
“Ladies. Dash-Train. Right?”
“Well… I mean, if you say so, Rainbow.”
“I only say so because we both know-so.”
Twilight fought with her face to remain stony and cool. She wanted to pretend she didn’t know what Rainbow was talking about. She wanted to pretend that Rainbow was just full of hot air and was just running her mouth again. Sure, Twilight, wanted to believe all of that, but she couldn’t.
Twilight had to fight to keep her lips pressed together. She wasn’t entirely comfortable with her feelings yet. She didn’t understand being in love with anypony; she had always just been muzzle deep in her studies. It didn’t make much sense to Twilight yet and even if it did, there was certainly no way she was going to tell Rainbow anything in front of the rest of the girls. Twilight didn’t have her usual brace in Applejack. The farm pony was sulked in the corner, not paying attention to anything. The purple unicorn controlled a sigh.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Twilight locked eyes with Rainbow Dash, trying to sell her point. She could almost feel Rainbow searching deep into her soul, looking for the real truth. The entire world fell away from Twilight; there was just her and Rainbow Dash. There was no cute couple in the corner. There was no heart-broken earth pony. There was no perfectionist unicorn looking confused. There was no sleeping dragon. There was just her and Rainbow Dash. Rainbow Dash smiled wider but her eyes faltered for just a fraction of a second. Twilight furrowed her brow and tried to place the look. Before she could, though, Rainbow Dash broke eye contact.
“Of course you don’t, Twilight.”
“I really don’t know, Rainbow. What is it we know? We possess knowledge of many things, and I’m sure that some of our knowledge overlaps.”
“I think we’re going to get going.”
Twilight snapped her head towards Fluttershy who was, uncharacteristically, speaking up when it mattered most. She smiled softly at the grateful unicorn. Rainbow Dash scowled in Pinkie’s direction.
“Ah, yes, I should be going as well. Sweetie Belle will be home soon.”
“Ah recon I should go as well an’ make sure Apple Bloom ain’t annoyin’ Granny Smith.”
Twilight’s gratefulness faded into worry. With no one around to help her, there would be no stopping Rainbow Dash from continuing her assault on Twilight’s emotions. Not that the present company was making Rainbow Dash any more shy about bringing it up. She was, though, thankful for the time to collect herself. It was hard for Twilight to ignore feelings for somepony when her heart was about to burst from her chest.
“Oh… I mean, you guys can stay. There’s no need to rush off or anything.”
Pinkie and Dash exchanged a quick glace that did not go unnoticed by Twilight.
“No, that’s okay Twilight. I told Fluttershy that I would make her a super special batch of cupcakes today!”
“You did?”
Pinkie laughed awkwardly as she shoved Fluttershy out the door. Rarity cast a glace back towards Applejack who was shuffling her hooves. AJ looked up as she reached the door and sighed. She met eyes with Rainbow Dash for a second before scowling and turning to Twilight.
“Ah’ll be around if ya need anythin’.”
Twilight nodded as the door closed softly. She sighed and turned to see Rainbow Dash had moved closer. Much closer. Twilight’s heart wanted to beat right out of her chest. She forced herself into looking directly into Rainbow Dash’s eyes, despite the fact that she could feel the blood surging to her face in an embarrassed defiance.
“Come on Twilight. You know you want to kiss me.”
Twilight’s mouth opened but no sound came out. Her false bravado was fading quickly. Those magenta eyes were bearing into her too heavily. There was no way Twilight could keep denying it.
“Well…”
“You don’t have to hide, Twilight. It’s alright.”
“Rainbow, I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Twilight’s voice was surprisingly firm.
Rainbow Dash’s never let her smirk leave her face. She seemed so confident. She seemed like she was inside of Twilight’s brain. She seemed like… she was a bit scared that Twilight was telling the truth. Twilight looked deep into Rainbow Dash’s eyes. Sure, the pegasus was fully aware of how talented and sought after she was. And she was pretty vocal about it. But Twilight learned long ago that the louder Rainbow talked, the less she believed.
“Oh, come on Twilight. We all know you want to board the Dash-Train.”
“Rainbow!”
“I’m just saying, Twilight. You haven’t exactly told me I’m wrong.”
“And I’m just saying, Rainbow, that I don’t NEED to tell you anything. ”
Rainbow Dash leaned in close to Twilight, barely inches from her face. Twilight felt her breath catch in her throat. Every inch of her body was tingling. She could feel Rainbow’s breath on her neck. This was exactly what she wanted. Nothing about this was wrong; it was all so very right. So then why was Twilight so adamant about telling Rainbow no?
“Tell me you don’t want to kiss me, Twilight.” Dash whispered.
Twilight swallowed hard, trying to keep her emotions in check. The one she was having the most problems with was the seemingly primitive instinct to tackle Rainbow Dash to the ground and do Celestia knows what.Twilight felt a guilty shiver run up her spine. She could hear the smile in Rainbow Dash’s voice. Every inch of her being was fighting to be released. Twilight fought to keep her face even. This was what she wanted, she kept repeating to herself. But she couldn’t have it. She had her studies. She had… no idea what she was doing. The idea of telling Rainbow Dash how she felt was terrifying. What if this was just a game? What if Rainbow Dash didn’t care about Twilight at all? What if she screwed everything up and then everything was ruined forever? Twilight couldn’t justify taking that chance.
“You just think you know everything.” Twilight breathed.
“Of course. You haven’t told me I’m wrong.”
“Why does it matter?”
“Because I can just tell.”
Twilight grimaced as Rainbow Dash almost nuzzled Twilight’s muzzle.
“You really don’t think I believe you, do you?”
Twilight swallowed. She kept her eyes trained on the floor but stole a look at Rainbow’s face. Her ears were back and her brow was furrowed. She was looking for a bone, any bone. Twilight wasn’t giving her one.
“There’s nothing to not believe.” Twilight could feel her voice wavering.
“I know you want to kiss me.”
“You couldn’t possibly know that.”
“Oh?”
Rainbow Dash’s tone was accusatory. If Twilight didn’t find an out soon, she was going to be caught red hooved. This was all going too quickly. Twilight combed her mind for anything at all that would get her out of this conversation. She could handle never fully knowing how Rainbow Dash felt. It would be easy to kill the pain with books. But if something happened, if she found out that Rainbow DID like her and then it all spiraled out of control then Twilight would find no solace again. Of this she was sure.
“Why are you so confident about something that you don’t even know is true?”
“Because I know you want to. And you haven’t said that you don’t want to kiss me.”
Twilight was surprised when she felt her face heat again. She was fairly certain that she had been beet red the entire time. She gritted her teeth.
“Does it really matter to you, Rainbow? I thought you were with Spitfire anyway.”
A cold silence filled the room. Twilight felt a feeling of… jealousy? Hatred? Twilight wasn’t sure if it was directed at herself or Spitfire. The unicorn was embarrassed at her outburst, but not surprised by it. Her emotions had reached a boiling point. And if she wanted to make sure she kept her friendship intact, it was much easier to just suppress any feelings that she may have. But if this was supposed to be the easy route, why did she feel like she just let herself down? Why did her chest feel empty? Why did she just want to lay down and cry?
Rainbow Dash bit her lip and stared at her hooves. There was that emptiness in her eyes again. Rainbow’s confidence was completely gone. Her ego had been completely deflated.
“I… well, I mean, I’m not actually with Spitfire.”
Twilight cringed. There was definitely a hurt edge to her words. Was it really all just in her ego? Of course it was, this was Rainbow Dash. Either way, Twilight couldn’t take it back. Rainbow would be happier with someone like Spitfire anyway, right? Twilight ignored the nagging feeling in her chest.
“Well, don’t you want to be?”
“I… guess.”
“Then go to her, Rainbow. After all, she is on the Dash-Train.”
Twilight poked Rainbow in the ribs. The two still sat close to each other, mere inches away from touching. They looked deep into each other’s eyes as the silence grew thicker above them. Rainbow Dash lifted one corner of her mouth into a smirk. Twilight let go of a breath she didn’t know she was holding.
“Yeah I… guess she is.”
“Go on, Rainbow. I bet if you asked her now, she’d go to dinner with you tonight.”
“Heh I… yeah. Sure. I should… go then.”
Rainbow Dash awkwardly and slowly got up. Twilight bowed her head. The pegasus opened the door and paused, looking back. She smirked again but it didn’t touch her eyes. It was an empty motion. The door once again quietly shut. Twilight fell over and inhaled loudly. The tears running down her face were hot and angry. She covered her head with her hooves and sobbed until she heard the front door open again. Twilight immediately pushed herself up and away from the door. There was no way she was going to let anyone see her like this. The unicorn tried to choke out a question, but found only sad sobs in her throat. Her unspoken question was answered quickly, though, as a tan hoof draped itself over Twilight’s shoulder.
Applejack had taken her hat off and rested it on the floor. The two looked at each other, understanding everything without a word. Twilight couldn’t help herself. She buried her face into AJ’s neck and sobbed. Every ounce of jealousy and hatred fell out in her tears. After a long moment, she felt a tear fall on the top of her head. Twilight hugged AJ tighter. The unicorn had always been appreciative of the farm pony, but she had never been more grateful of her presence than right then.
