Have it Your Way

It has come to my attention that Nicolas Cage doesn't have an "h" in his name. I'd like to thank the guy at EQAD for alerting me. I'd also like to say that nanana, I got on EquestriaAfterDark and you didn't. Unless you did...
Thank you.

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Nicolas Cage awoke to find himself surrounded by a vast existential nothingness. He looked around, and saw nothing but darkness. He tried to move around but found that his body was paralyzed. Utter silence dominated the area, an interesting concept, or so Nicolas believed it to be one. How could silence dominate anything with it's sheer lack of presence?

Nicholas Cage pondered the situation for all that he was worth, all eighteen million dollars, and yes that is his net worth. He noted that while what surrounded him was essentially nothing, he could still feel it. It felt cold and lonely, a harsh contrast to his formerly extravagant lifestyle. Nicolas gasped. Far off in the distance he could see something that broke the still tranquility of the nothingness entirely, it was, something.

This something was moving toward Nicholas at a steady, easy pace, not one that would call for alarm. As the something drew nearer Nicolas Cage was able to more easily distinguish the features it possessed. It had a large nose, an enormous mustache, and enormous poofy hair.

"Gene Shallot?" said a confused Nicolas Cage, effectively shattering the silence surrounding them.

"Yes Nicolas, it is I, Gene Shallot, but you may call me The Decider, a fitting name seeing as how I rule your fate.

"Well what is to be my fate Mr.Shallot?"

"In due time Mr.Cage, but first tell me, where would you like to go?"

"I'd like to go wherever my wife went."

"Fate cannot be decided by your personal ties. Where is it that you believe she went?"

"Heaven."

"Funny thing about your beliefs. Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy. Human beings have the awesome ability to take any experience of their lives and create a meaning that disempowers them or one that can literally save their lives.

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Mr.Cage do you believe your wife went to heaven?"

"Of course."

"Would it be heaven for you if you were there with her?"

"Yes."

"Then you shall go to hell instead."

"Why?"

"Because Ghostrider 2."

Before Nicolas Cage could respond he felt a powerful suction coming from underneath him, he began to sink further into the nothingness until even Gene Shallot was no longer visible. He felt as though his body was being pulled through hot tar, the pain was terribly excruciating , his hair and skin felt as though they were melting away, and his muscle tissue was being exposed to the harsh elements that surrounded him.

Suddenly, all at once the heat stopped, and his pain ceased. Nicolas fell to the ground, a refreshing feeling after the empty space. He looked around and saw hell. It was horrible, basically it was Detroit but on fire. Nicolas scoffed, in his movies everything is on fire, so this was nothing to him. A large figure approached him.

"I, am Satan," it said, his large ram horns glistening in the firelight. Picture Leonardo DiCaprio, but all red with huge swirly goat horns. He was in a luxurious business suit," You seem frightened, but don't worry, hell is exactly like Earth, just...you know, on fire, well anyway here is your apartment key, now go that way." Satan pointed his delicious finger in a direction that is not important,"Just beware of the mad hatter."

Satan disappeared in a cloud of crushed Gobstoppers, and Nicolas Cage decided to head off in the direction of his new apartment. Along the way he passed hundreds of serial killers and lawyers, and he struck up a nice conversation with Martin Luther King jr.

He reached his apartment after a few minutes of walking. It was a nice, modest apartment, baby blue in color. He climbed the stairs to his section of the complex and unlocked the door. Inside was basically your average middle class home if it were on fire. He took off his shoes and proceeded to the back of the area. He could explore later, for now it was time to rest.

Nicolas walked up to his bedroom and opened the door. Inside he found his beloved Pinkie Pie reading on the bed. She looked up and smiled. They ran up to each other and hugged.

"Honey, how did you get here?" Nicolas asked in between kisses.

"Who cares? Just fuck me now!"

They kissed each other with the burning passion of a million suns, their hearts warmer now than the fire that surrounded them. Pinkie ripped Nicolas's shirt and pants off, not even bothering with foreplay. They continued to kiss as Nicolas shimmied out of his boxers, releasing his enormous hardening member from it's fabric prison.

Suddenly a man in a hat appeared next to them, they screamed and Nicolas covered his cock.

"CHANGE PLACES!" the man screamed, and instantly Nicolas and Pinkie swapped genitalia, Nicolas now having a small pink vagina, and Pinkie sporting a huge cock.

As soon as he arrived he was gone, leaving Pinkie and Nicolas sitting on their bed. They looked at each other and Nicolas nodded. Pinkie instantly leapt onto Nicolas, smothering him further with her lips as she twiddled his labia with her hoof. Nicolas moaned, overcome by this immense and new pleasure as his clitoris was stimulated beyond belief.

Pinkie continued to play with Nicolas Cage's rapidly wetting cunt. Her stiff rod glistening with precum as she suckled on one of Nicolas Cage's nipples.

Nicolas pushed pinkie off of him and rolled over on top of her, taking her massive cock into his hand. He stroked it a few times, causing Pinkie to arch her back in pleasure from this new stimulation. Pinkie gasped as Nicolas playfully kissed the tip of her head, giggling at Pinkie's adorable moans. He then took the head into his mouth, sucking on it and licking the glans with great familiarity.

It had been his cock after all, and he knew it better than anyone else. He released the massive member from its oral chamber once he decided it would be wet enough for insertion, and he got on his hands and knees, presenting himself to Pinkie.

Pinkie took the hint and mounted Nicolas Cage, carelessly ramming her entire cock into Nicolas Cage's cavernous cooter. The pleasure and pain caused Nicolas Cage to cry out in ecstasy as he orgasmed from the sheer girth of the organ that was penetrating him.

Pinkie began to thrust, going hard and fast. She drew her massive dick all the way out to the head, and slammed it back in as hard as she could, repeating this process over and over. Nicolas Cage came once again as Pinkie's testicles smacked his clitoris, dowsing them both in orgasmic fluids.

Pinkie felt an enormous wave of pleasure preparing to engulf her genitalia, and she screamed as she came wave after wave of seminal fluid into Nicolas Cage's baby cavern. They collapsed on each other, laying, panting and covered in cum.

"That was fast," said Nicolas in between gasps.

"Not a lot of practice," said Pinkie, barely even able to make sense.

"I love you."

"I'm seeing someone else."

"WHAT?!"