Last Friday Nightby CherryPickerChaptersThe Morning AfterPro InhibitionQuality TimeSleepless in ManehattanThe Morning After...dear Luna my head hurts... Gaahhhhh...I'm never going to drink again... I cuss. Repeatedly and rather violently. Both my mother and Princess Celestia have taught me not to swear, but I'm pretty sure that only these words can describe how horrible I feel at the moment. My heart's just run a forty-hour marathon, my eyes are experiencing spontaneous combustion, and I can tell that I'm going to upchuck sometime soon. Dammit...why couldn't I have just stayed asleep?! With the strength of a two-year old filly, I feebly pull the covers over my head, preparing for an extended stay. But the world has a funny sort of sarcasm about it; that annoying sort of sarcasm that just thrives off of making you miserable. I can hear my alarm clock going off in the background, each and every deafening chime hitting my head like a two-ton sledgehammer. My addled brain makes my magic useless, which means the only way to turn off the accursed thing is to get up and walk across the room. I didn't think I could manage to do that without vomiting all over my hooves, but if I had to listen to that stupid noise any longer, I would die. ...Alright, I'm sorry stomach, but I have to get up and go kill my clock. Please try to stay inside of me on the way there. Eyes still closed, I gingerly stick a hoof out from under the blankets and search for the ground. It doesn't seem to be where it usually is; in fact, all I can feel are books, articles of clothing, and more books. "Spiiiiiike," I moan, "Spiiike, I can't find the floor..." He doesn't answer, of course, because he's in Canterlot taking a "Better Asisstant's Course for Dragons," which my brain hasn't registered until moments later. Stupid, stupid brain! I blame you for all of this! And suddenly, for no apparent reason, the alarm clock shuts off. My right hoof stops flailing wildly as I attempt to process this new information, which either means that I forgot to wind it all the way or that someone else is in the r-- The covers are ripped off of me, flung to the side like a used napkin. In an attempt to defend against the horrible sunlight, two lavender hooves move to my face, partly obscuring the view of a pink party pony. "P-Pinkie?" I stutter. "What the fuck...?" She giggelsnorts. "Yeah, that's what you said last night!" I'm in too much pain at the moment to analyze this statement, so I simply let it drop and focus more attention on how I'm dying. Pinkie seems to take no notice of me doubling over and preparing to sign a will, instead barreling on to the next topic. "Anyways, it's time to get up, Mr. Grumpy-Mc-Sleepyhead...um...Pants! We made you pancackes in the shape of a book!" 'We?' Oh, Celestia, what happened last night?! Just how much did I have to drink? These and other charming thoughts run through my head as I slowly open one eye, pushing past the burning sensation and trying to get a glimpse of my immediate surroundings. I get a glimpse of my immediate surroundings. "Holy fuck! What in Celestia's name happened here?! Did we get hit by a tornado or something?" My other eye shoots open, and in my incredulity I forget to scream in pain. Every single book I own is scattered across the floor, intermingling with underwear, sleeping bags, spare change, bags of hay chips, cans of 'Zapple' Soda, half of a torn sock, piles of confetti, a decorative lawn flamingo, broken shot glasses, a disposable camera, party hats, lingerie, glitter, sunglasses and everything else under the sun that constitues a massive party. There's even a few ponies passed out in the refuse, but none of them are immediately recognizable. Pinkie Pie grins from ear to ear. "We didn't get hit by a tornado. We got hit by A PARTY!" She starts bouncing up and down with extreme happiness, almost jumping high enough to touch the ceiling. "Now come on, Twilight! We're not quite done celebrating your twenty-first birthday yet!" Still bursting with joy, the pink party pony waltzes out of the room. My twenty-first birthday...? That was yesterday? I have no way of knowing if that's true or not. My memories of yesterday are a complete and utter jumble, threatening to overwhelm me with their ambiguity. The only way to find out what happened was to get up, an action I am dreading in the pit of my stomach. Then I feel my belly rumble, and I clamp a hoof to my mouth in hopes that the puke will stay contained. Gotta get to the bathroom now gotta go gotta go! I vault off the bed and dash towards the bathroom, trampling both refuse and pony in my haste to not barf on the floor. When I get there, I don't even take time to knock, instead bashing in the door and throwing myself in front of the toilet. --Ten HURK-Filled Minutes Later-- Trembling, I reach up and wipe my mouth. My stomach feels better, except for the fact that both it and my throat are being scalded from the inside out. I down some tap water to get rid of the taste of 'euurrgh' in my mouth, then flush the latrine and look at myself in the mirror. A purple, sickly looking unicorn stares back at me, her mane disheveled and her eyes all puffy, with a brownish, reddish mark on her neck. I can't decide if it's a hickie or a bruise, so I ignore it and canter outside. Pinkie Pie is waiting for me, but she doesn't look so good. Her expression is a cross between sympathy, disgust, and terror. I can't possibly look that bad, I think. "You feeling okay, Twi? That sounded...well, 'yuck'." "It was, Pinkie. It was. But I feel better now." Her happy grin returns. "Oh, goody! Now you have more room for those pancakes!" With a tremendous bounce, Pinkie propels herself down the hall and into the kitchen, where I'm assuming I'll get yet another rude surprise. And I'm right, too. The display of dirty plates, splattered counters, and flour-covered bowls do not faze me nearly as much as the appearances of Princess Celestia, Trixie, and a very tired looking Applejack. The three of them--four, counting Pinkie Pie--are seated around my kitchen table, eating from a plate stacked high with book-shaped pancakes. Everypony looks up when I enter, except for Pinkie who is currently stuffing her face with pancakes. "Ah, yes. Good morning, Twilight Sparkle." The Princess motions for me to sit in the remaining empty chair, pushing the plate of doughy novels in my direction. "How are you feeling?" My speechlessness is cured all of a sudden. "Uh, well, I guess I've been better...Princess. So far, today has been rather interesting." I glance around the table, staring at my unwarranted visitors. "If you don't mind me asking, Princess...what in Equestria happened last night?" The alicorn takes a brief moment to sigh, putting down her utensils. "Many things, Twilight. Many things. I regret most of them, and I'm sure you would too." Before I can respond, Trixie butts in, plancing a hoof on her chest. "Well, I don't regret a thing! Not one! The Great and Powerful Trixie regrets nothing!" Applejack lets out a dry chuckle, head in hoof. "I do. Twi, no offense meant here, but please don't invite me to any more of your parties. Ah've had enough fun for an entire lifetime, and I mean that when I say it." For several moments, silence reigns supreme in the room. The pancackes look somewhat unappetizing at the moment, so I push them back towards Princess Celestia. "That's all very interesting," I say, "but I still don't know what happened. My memories are gone." Princess Celestia sighs once again. "You had over thirty shots of alcohol last night, Twilight. This leads me to believe that you blacked out at some point during your birthday, which would explain why you have no recollection of the various events you participated in. If you wish, I can use my magic to restore your dormant memories." I open my mouth to speak, but all of a sudden, I find that I am hesitant to answer. Do I really want to know what happened yesterday? says a little part of my mind. From the sound of things, everypony in here regrets something they did last night. That probably means that I regret something too. Yes, you do, says the rest of my brain. You're going to have to find out sooner or later, or you'll go insane from curiosity. "Yes," I say. Princess Celestia stands up and canters around to my side of the table. "Very well, Twilight Sparkle." Her horn begins to glow with a brilliant yellow light, and her features look more careworn and loving than usual. "Try not to hate me too much once your flashback is over, Twi." I start to say, "Princess, I could never hate you," but before the first syllable comes out of my mouth, Celestia touches her horn to mine. Psychedelic rainbows dart across my vision, accompanied by the sound of a chorus of angel ponies who are pouring golden nectar down from heaven onto my head. And suddenly, I remember. Pro InhibitionPrincess Celestia and I are sitting side-by-side in the royal flying carriage, traveling away from Canterlot Castle and heading towards Manehattan. Her royal adornments have been polished until they shine unrealistically, and her quad-colored mane and tail smell strongly of lavender shampoo. "You look wonderful, Princess," I say. "As do you, my dear Twilight." She gives a small smile as she glances over my Grand Galloping Gala dress. "T-thank you...um, Princess," I stutter. My thought processes amount to something like: Oh no I'm blushing I shouldn't be blushing right now why am I blushing stop it face stop it stop it stop it! "Please, call me Tia. Friends don't need to call each-other by their formal titles." Her eyes stray to the window. "Okay...Tia." The word feels strange in my mouth. 'Tia' stares thoughtfully out the window, head in hoof. "I can't believe it's your twenty-first birthday today, Twilight. Where did the time go? It feels like just yesterday when I enrolled you in my School for Gifted Unicorns..." She lets out a sigh. "I thank you for letting me be with you tonight, Twi. I really should be writing a letter to the embassy of Neighpal right now, but I got bored." The princess turns to me and smiles. "Let's keep this our little secret, alright?" I nod, smiling back, as a silly thought crosses my mind. "Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!" After I finish gesticulating, the two of us break out laughing. If only Pinkie Pie could see us right now, I think. We start to talk a little more, Celestia and I. The topics are fairly boring in the beginning, but then escalate quickly into things like how Rainbow Dash and Rarity went shopping the other day, Dash resisting with all her being; how Celestia spent a late night watching a "Parks and Recreational Areas" marathon on PGTV and forgot to rise the sun in the morning; and how embarassed I was on my fourteenth birthday to have my mother throw a huge party and forget to invite my friends. I haven't felt this close to Celstia since I moved to Ponyville. Finally, in the middle of a conversation about a giant Zap Apple, we arrive in Manehattan. The city below us is positively exploding with activity, the windows and streetlights giving off a radiant yellow-ish bronze that brightens the night considerably. I roll down the carriage window and stick my head outside, enjoying the cool breezes rushing past my muzzle and the subtle scents of the dark air. "Wooooo!" I scream, loud enough to be heard over the flapping of the pegasi pulling our vehicle. "It's time to party!" Tia chuckles as I pull my head back inside. "What happened to you, dear Twilight? You were so tame moments ago." Using my magic, I pull a small, yellow book out of my pocket dimension. "Turning 21: A Guide to the Beginning of the Rest of Your Life," I say, reading off the title. "These are the guidelines I plan on following tonight, and I've already accomplished numbers 13 and 24: 'do something crazy,' and 'Invite one of your closest friends to your party." "You were always one for having guidelines," says the princess, an amused smile plastered across her face. "Very well. What's the next item on the list?" I flip a few pages. "'Number 15: Get drunk and brag about it in the morning. Make sure to leave your chariot keys at home, or else blah, blah, blah.' I'm kinda looking forward to this one. I mean, I've always wondered what alcohol tastes like. Not because I plan on making it a habit, but so I can satisfy my natural curiosity." "Screw natural curiosity," Celestia blurts, rolling down her window. "Alcohol is delicious." She shouts a set of orders to our drivers, something about heading to Sophisticated Cider, and pulls her head back inside. Something appears to have triggered in her mind that wasn't there moments before. "If there's one thing I can tell you about getting intoxicated, it's that there's no reason to brag about being drunk once morning rolls around." The ride doesn't last long. Before I know it, we're setting down in front of a black, two-story establishment with columns of grey marble adorning the entrance. Ponies are being ushered inside by an intimidating unicorn bouncer, some of them being turned back with a stern frown and a bad word. All in all, it looks as though this establishment is more of a fancy restaurant than a bar. When Celestia and I step out onto the pavement, everypony in line bows reverently and moves aside, refusing to make eye contact with us as we enter the building. This is it, I think, trying to swallow my nervousness. No backing out now, Twilight. The inside of Sopisticated Cider is ten thousand times more chaotic than the outside. In fact, I think the owners are using a reverse psychology tactic to lure unsuspecting ponies in. Crowds of inebriated patrons waltz all across the room, singing and dancing to the mild electric beat until they pass out in their own drool. Most of them are so intoxicated that they can barely stand on four hooves, yet still somehow they still find the strength to hold a beer bottle. Even the DJ, Vinyl Scratch, looks rather tipsy. Her rap lyrics are frequently interrupted with hiccups, burps, and lewd statements. We canter over to a corner of the establishment that isn't occupied by knocked-down tables or vomiting earth ponies, settling instead for a stand-alone, pay-per-drink table laden with every kind of alcohol imaginable. Captain Maregan's, Pone Cuervo, Mexicolt Tequila and Arborial Mist are just some of the few prestigous names before me. As for pricing, the value in bits of each shot is listed on the table, and to make sure that ponies don't take advantage of Sophisticated Cider, the small ATM/kiosk off to the side is monitored by a security camera. I start to get my bag of bits out, but Celestia stops me with a hoof on my shoulder. "I really don't think they'll make us pay, Twilight," she says. "After all, I am the princess of Equestria. I can always pay them back later." "Are you sure, Tia? I don't really want that much, just a few drinks. I have more than enough to pay for it." "Well, you can't possibly have enough bits to compensate for what I want." Celestia reaches over and grabs a shot glass, filling it to the brim with the contents of a bottle labeled 'Decorum' and downing it almost immediately. "Ohhhh yeah..." she moans, tongue lolling out of her mouth. "This is sooo much better than the wine they serve in Canterlot..." Oookay, I think, sending my money back to the pocket dimension. She's acting kinda weird...But hey, I might as well take her up on her offer. Using Captain Maregan's in place of Decorum, I eagerly repeat Tia's actions, tilting my head back and trying to swallow the entire shot at once. The smoky and sweet flavor of the rum is not entirely unenjoyable, so I slam the glass back down and refill it. After several minutes' worth of this cycle, I start to realize that my mind is beginning to cloud over. The feeling is akin to being dazed from a minor fall, but a pleasant sense of warmth in the background makes it enjoyable. With the enthusiasm of a newborn puppy, I toss back another glass of rum, accidentally letting some of the liquid drip down onto my chin. As for Celestia, I take no notice of the lecherous glance she is aiming at me. I am completely oblivious of her intentions to lean over and lick the dribbling alcohol off my neck. Before she can do so, however, an explosion of pink barrels into me, sending both me and my glass of Maregan's crashing to the floor. It's hard to make out the shape exactly, but I appear to be staring up at the Element of Laughter. "P-Pinkie?" I stutter. "What the fuck? What are you doing here? I thought you were in Ponyville!" The pony in question lets out a laugh of extreme proportions, nearly shaking her party hat and sunglasses off. "Silly filly! I always come here on Thursdays!" Pinkie Pie rolls off me and aids me in getting to my hooves. "Oh, and before I forget again, happy twenty-first birthday, Twilight!" "Th-thank you," I hiccup, putting a hoof to my mouth in an attempt not to belch loudly. Pinkie's presence made this drink-fest feel more like a party, and I was glad she was here. "Did you get me any gifts?" "Of course I did!" She sets a paper party hat down on the table, one that looks exactly like hers except for the color scheme. "Here ya go!" "...This is a party hat, Pinkie," I say, deadpanning. "And from the looks of it, one you just picked up off the floor. I was expecting something more along the lines of, you know, a book." Pinkie makes a face. "Well, I wanted to get you something practical, Twilight. What would you do with a book?" She lets out another gigglesnort, reaching up to fix her sunglasses. "I mean, you can't wear a book on your head. can you?" I roll my eyes. --Sometime Later-- It's been at least an hour or two since we arrived at Sophisticated Cider, and Celestia, Pinkie and I have been drinking nonstop. Over this short, insignificant period of time, my brain has slowly deteriorated from slightly inebriated to full-blown, drop-dead drunk, and I'm really enjoying it. I think I might just have to add alcoholic to one of my hobbies. "Wheee!" shouts Pinkie, jumping atop a flimsy wooden table and beginning to disco dance. "Come on, you two! Join me up here!" I laugh. That seems like a great idea to me. Dancing on a tabletop is a lot more fun than dancing on a dumb old floor! Where's the fun in dancing if there isn't a challenge to it? "Ohkay, Pinkieeee," I slur, clambering up onto the unstable surface, "Dancing is sooooo much fun!" Celestia soon follows suit, and within a minute or two we're rocking our pedestals back and forth, threatening to tip over at any moment. Four herculean earth-ponies appear out of nowhere, dressed in dark black suits and wearing miniscule ear pieces. "Get down from there!" they shout, advancing on our trio from all sides. "Your Majesty," says one, "get down from there immediately or we shall be forced to remove you and your friends from the premises! Also, you haven't paid for your drinks yet!" "Nurrr!" she slurs, even more loaded than I am, "I'm not...going...anywhere! As (hurk) Princess of E-Equestria, I can do whatev I want!" Her dancing becomes even more animated, wobbling the table left and right. And, almost as if on cue, her pedestal tips over, slamming her muzzle-first into the hard concrete. "Ohmygosh, Tia," I say, leaping off the table and staggering to her aid. "You okay?" "Nrr. Nrr 't all," she mutters, sitting up and shaking her head. "Less get out of here!" She quickly pushes her way past the beefy guards, kicking one of them on her way out, and Pinkie and I follow close behind, avoiding tackles from the staff and dodging drunken patrons who try to stop us. When we finally make it outside, smashing into the line of ponies by the front door, I watch Celestia search anxiously for the carriage. "Whurr are they?!" she screams, stomping her hoof. "I'll have their (hic) wings!" "Quik," I shout, nearly crashing into her as I grind to a halt, "run into the wuuds! Run into the wuuds!" At my ridiculous suggestion, the three of us turn around and head into the nearby park, crashing through the shrubbery and away from our pursuers. Pinkie Pie, pulling aside me, lets out a belly laugh. "This party is awesome, Twilight!" "I knurr!" Author's Note The flashback begins... In case anyone isn't clear on this, Twilight has told her friends that she will be spending the evening with Princess Celestia instead of throwing a huge party at her place. As you can see, however, Twilight ends up sending time with them anyways. Let the drunken stupidity ensue~ Quality TimeOnce, when I was in third grade, all of the unicorns at my school took a "physical examination." Princess Celestia wanted to make sure her young prodigies would be able to practice magic on the run, so she set up a series of obstacle courses in the gym that would be used to asses our physical well-being and mental acuity. Our coach, a large, obnoxious earth pony, made us run around the track at least seventeen times; but before the seventh lap was finished, my mother had to come take me home and nurse me back to health. This particular memory comes to mind as I'm laying in the cool, tickling grass of St. Herbal's Park, wishing that I had suggested to do something other than get drunk. If I hadn't wanted to get drunk, then I wouldn't have had too much to drink, and if I hadn't had too much to drink, then I wouldn't have been dancing on a table, and if I hadn't been dancing on a table, then I wouldn't have got kicked out of Sophisticated Cider, and if I hadn't got kicked out of Sophisticated Cider, then I wouldn't have been pursued into the park by a set of guards, and if I hadn't been pursued by a set of guards, then I wouldn't be laying in a park in the middle of Manehaatan, exhausted to the point of collapse. So far, Turning 21: A Guide to the Rest of your Life, has not been very helpful. After a minute or two, I realize that my near skin-tight dress is not helping me cool off, so I use my magic to yank it over my head and throw it to the side. Of course, if I was lucid, I would have realized that you can't take off a dress while laying down, but I'm not, so naturally I hear a loud ripping noise as it goes flying away. Uh-oh! Guess Rare'll just have to fix it tomorrow. Now sufficiently cooler, I bring myself to a sitting position and search for my friends. Pinkie Pie is nowhere to be seen, and the thought that she might have gotten caught crosses my mind. Princess Celestia, however, is nearby, and she's laying face down on her stomach. Small sobs are emanating from her general area, and when these reach my ears my heart drops in my chest. "Tiaaa," I slur, climbing shakily to my hooves, "whass wrong? Why are you crying?" I make my way over to her, slowly and unsteadily. She appears to have taken off her royal adornments and laid them aside; they appear to have lost their luster. "Twilight," Celestia says, surprising me, "I'm so sorry." She looks up at me with tears in her eyes. "If I (erp) had paid for those drinks like you (sniff) l-like you said, then none of this would've happennnd at all! W-we'd probly be back in Canterlot now if I hadn't...hadn't..." And she goes back to crying. This entire speech has broken my heart. Falling to my knees, I tenderly put a hoof on Celestia's back, trying to comfort her in this rare moment of sadness. "Tia, there's no reason to cry. We'll get through this, I kno we will. Isnn that what you used to tell me, Princess? Two's better than one...er something like that?" I use my magic to wipe the tears fom her eyes. "I'm not really worried 'bout getting home now. I already toll my friends I'd get home tomorrow morning, so we've got a while. Iss still my birthday, isn't it?" I smile at her. A small smile comes to her face. "Yeah, it is. Even iff it's the weidest party I've been too." Celestia sniffles a bit. "Thank you, Twili. I needed that." Without warning, she leans down and plants a small kiss on my cheek, making me flush scarlet. "You arrr, and always will be, my favorite student." It hits me, then. Like a ten-ton freight train packed full of lit TNT that has a one second fuse and is heading straight into a bomb depot. My 'infatuation' with her is definitely more than an infatuation. And I think she likes me back. I am no longer laying side-by-side with the object of my affection. Instead, I have been rather rudely thrown into the land of memories, walking down the path labeled 'Princess Celestia.' Things flash by me: my enrollement into her magic school; the time we went on a fieldtrip to the Canterlot Library and she had to drag me away from the bookshelves; the night at the Gala where we had almost no time together. Each and every time we've been in close proximity, I've felt something far stronger than the bond I have with my friends. I...want to be around Celestia, every moment of every day...forever. "Celestia," I nuzzle her neck gently, trying to get her to look down at me. "Do you...uhmm...what do yu think of me?" I need to know if she feels the way I do, and now is as good a time to ask as any. She frowns for a moment. "I already told you--yer my favorite student, Tw--" "No, not like that. I mean...do you...like me?" Her eyes go wide, and she blushes. "Well...to be truthful..." She turns away, staring off into the distance at nothing in particular. "Y-yes, Twilight Sparkle. I do like you. Your purple coat, an cute figure...Part of the reason I sent you to Ponyville was so I wouldnn drool over you so much." I am ecstatic. Beyond ecstatic, really. It's more of a euphoria than an ecstasy. Regardless, my speech organ has failed me, and all I can do is lovingly stare at her. My first thought: I wonder how jealous my friends'll be... Celestia picks up her crown, using her hooves instead of magic, and places it on my head. It's too big for me, of course, but I don't really care that much. "Well, Princess Twi," she says, grinning, "What do you wanna do now? It is your birthday still." I put a hoof to my chin. "Uh...How about we, I dunno, go for a run?" This thought comes to me out of nowhere, and I start to wonder why I just asked to do something I'm horrible at. Neverthless, Tia nods her assent. She leaps to her feet, wobbling a bit, and I follow suit. "Running" she says, chuckling. "I could go for a run. How far ya wanna go?" "As far as I can!" My hooves take off with a mind of their own, leaving the Princess in the dust. She lets out a laugh and charges after me, crying foul. After today, I think I just might have to take up exercise. Without the fear of being caught by guardsponies, the run is much more exhilarating than I thought it would be. Benches and shrubbery veer into our path, forcing us to change course and go in another direction. Close-trimmed trees and grasses rustle gently as we pass by, swaying to the frantic whims of the midnight zephyrs. Frigid ponds and streams reflect the beauty of Luna's moon, turning the still water into a pool of liquid silver. It's at one of these wonderful ponds where I grind to a halt, panting for air and waiting for Tia to catch up to me. I wonder where she is? Celestia seems to be taking her own, sweet t-- "Gotcha!" Princess Celestia tackles me from behind, sending us tumbling head-over-heels into the water. I only have time to scream momentarily before my head goes under. FWOOSH! Water. Water everywhere. It fills my ears, my eyes, my nose, and my mouth. When I come up for air, spluttering and coughing madly, Tia is floating in place across from me. She's got a hoof to her mouth, trying to keep from busting a gut laughing. "You should've seen the look on your face, Twilight!" Her snickering and snorting is contagious, and I soon find myself laughing just as hard as she is. After a quick splash fight, during which Tia's crown is knocked off my head and I have to retrieve it, we decide to quit horsing around and climb out. Celestia wades over to the far bank, stepping out onto the grass, and I follow closely behind, wobbling on unsteady hooves. As I'm standing there staring at her soaking wet mane, my vision strays to her abalster flanks, tracing her sun-shaped Cutie Mark with my eyes and then moving further down. I know I shouldn't really be doing this, but for Luna's sake! It's staring right at me! Before I can bring myself to look away, Celestia notices me looking at her shapely white rump and smiles. She puts on her most seductive face and wiggles her plot back and forth, tri-colored tail flicking through the air in an attempt to hypnotise me. "Like what you see, dear Twilight?" This is simply too much for my brain to handle. Her feigned innocence and pouty face are making me drool, and before I know what I'm actually doing, I lunge forward and crash into Celestia, knocking her to the ground. Our muzzles meet in a sloppy, imperfect kiss, lacking neither passion nor slobber, and we wrap each-other in a tight embrace. Tia's wings go rigid all of a sudden, spreading out behind her with a large 'POMF' noise. "Hey! What'cha guys doing?" My eyes widen, and I look around. Pinkie Pie is standing across from us, staring at us with curious eyes. "Pinkie Pie?!" I half-scream, scrambling off of Celestia. "What are you doing here?" "What am I doing here? Pfft. Trying to find you guys! You're a stealthy bunch," she says, wagging a hoof at us. I'm instantly reminded of our noisy run through the park, but then I think It's Pinkie Pie. "Since your chariot got lost, or stolen, or whatever, I decided to go look for help!" Her smile makes is considerably brighter than the sun. "Well, did you find any?" asks Tia, trying in vain to force her wings back down to their non-POMF size. She falters. "N-not exactly, but I did get directions to a train station. That way, we can get you back to Canterlot, Celestia, and I can take Twilight home with me! Doesn't that sound great?" "Actually, Pinkie," I say, putting my hoof on her shoulder, "I'd kinda like to stay in Manehattan for a while. At least until morning." "Ookay...and do what?" Sleepless in Manehattan(This chapter contains graphically mature content. You've been warned.) Number 36: Get a disposable camera and take pictures of everyone at your party. Check. So far, I have three pictures. Number 44: Go for a walk through your city. You'd be surprised how much more interesting things are when you're intoxicated. Check. Except for the fact that it's not my city. Number 19: Kiss your true love in a public place. Check, I suppose. Does a restroom count? Well, if not, then we've at least got the semi-wasted smooch in St. Herbal's park to put down. Number 50: Make a prank phone call to someone you don't know from a payphone. Not check. Nopony had enough spare change. Number 29: Throw a tray of assorted foodstuffs down a set of stairs, then, after scooping it up, put it back on the tray and tell your absent friend that nothing happened to it. Wait until he/she starts eating, then tell him/her what actually happened. Check. I may never forgive Pinkie Pie for that one. Number 11: Get someone to video you dancing an impromptu victory dance. Check. Though, technically, I don't see the need for a victory dance when you've only tricked a vending machine into giving you a free soda. Number 87: Hold a gift exchange using only toiletries. Check. The hotel didn't let us keep any of the little soaps or any of that stuff, though, so I made a note to bring backpack with me next time. And possibly some disguises. "What? Wait, do I have a...is...did I get it?" says Pinkie, chopping her hooves through her mane. "No, iss just...up--no, not...I saids up, Pinkie!" I try, to the best of my ability, to point out the massive splotch of ketchup in the party pony's cotton candy 'do. She's somehow managed to make it look even worse with all her frantic motions, even though she still hasn't gotten anywhere near the actual affected area. Tia seems to be having even less luck than I am, sending Pinkie so far off course that she's now checking her tail for ketchup, and the sight of this makes me chuckle madly. Whirling dervishes have nothing on her, I think. She looks just like Winona when she's chasing her tail...'cept Pinkie isn't a dog...and she doesn't belong to Applejack...'least, I think she doesn't... The two Budwhinnys I snuck from a cooler earlier tonight are definitely not helping my mental processes improve. The Element of Laughter lets out an angry snort. "C'mon, guys! I can't....get it off me if you don't....tell me where it...is!" She stops to pick up a shiny serving tray, dumping the plate of hayfries off onto the table in the process, and attempts to use it's reflective surface like a mirror. Even this, however, does not seem to aid her, and Pinkie throws the servingware on the floor in a fit of rage. "Hey, girls, calm down," says the mare at the counter. The other three patrons in the diner are starting to give our trio angry looks, and one of them, the trashy red pegasus sitting a few tables away from from us, has even gotten up and left the establishment. "You there, the tall one." The waitress motions to Princess Celestia, who puts a hoof on her chest in surprise. "Yeah, you. Can't you get your fillies to calm down, ma'am? It's just a little ketchup. It can be washed off." Celestia blushes, as do I. Pinkie Pie Isn't here to blush, however, seeing as she ran off to the bathroom for some paper towels, but I'm sure she would be just as surprised as we were. "Um, no," says Tia, rubbing the back of her neck. "See, she's not my daughter. Annn she's obviously old enuff to be having foals of her own, don'tcha think?" "'Sides," I slur, "that wouldd be incess." "'Incess?'" The waitress frowns, confused. My drunken slurring must be getting in the way of my proper grammar. "Oh, srrry, I meant incest. I'm kinna drunk drunk right now, an I slur when I'm drunk. It's nothing. Don't worry bout it. Just tell me when I says something you can't understand." "Wh...I...ugh." The blue green earth pony gives a snort of impatience. "Just keep the noise down, okay? And make sure to pay for your meals before you leave, or else you'll find the cops hot on your hooves." She goes back to wiping down the marble countertop, but the stares from the other patrons remain trained on us. "Greaaaat." I bend over and pick up the silver serving tray and put it back on the table. "Last thing we need is to be on the run from th' policers again. This time, Tiaa, you'd better let me pay them. I donn feel like going for anothr run right now." Celestia sits back down, raising her front hooves in a gesture of pacification. "Got it, got it. Juss make sure you've got enough bits." She uses her magic to lift her cherry soda to her lips, sucking noisily on the curlicue straw and almost creating a temporary spacial vacuum. A colt comes up behind Celestia and taps her on the the shoulder. "Excuse me, miss. Do I know you? You look kinda familiar." After her initial moment of shock, Tia nods. "Yeah. 'm Princess Celestia. You know, ruler of Equestria, riser of the sun evry morning. Everypony knows me." The stallion breaks out in a fit of laughter. "Yeah, right. You don't look anything like her. You're far too fat to be our princess." "WHAT?!" Celestia nearly inhales her soda straw, and she spends a few moments choking on the remnants of cherry coke lodged in her airpipe. Once she finally recovers, the sun goddess turns around to give her accuser a stern glare, though with the tears in her eyes she only looks pitiful. "I am the Princess! And I'm defin...especially not fat!! Twili," she says, motioning to me, "hand me my crown." Nodding, I reach into my saddlebags and pass her her royal adornments, and she quickly slaps them on. I have to admit, I have never seen a sexier mare in my life, and the sight of her wearing her regalia once again starts to make my heart beat faster. "Hmm..." He raises a hoof to his chin, pondering. "Well..." "Yes, yes?" "Well...if you're trying to impersonate the Princess, then you're doing pretty good. But you could stand to lose a few pounds." And with that charming remark, he turns around and wanders back over to his barstool, leaving both me and Tia slackjawed beyond belief. "Guys! Guys! I did it! Look!" Pinkie Pie comes barreling out of the bathroom, springing around like a rubber ball on steroids, and leaps over to our table. "Lookie lookie! I got it out of my hair!" She points to the spot where the ketchup originally was, and, sure enough, it's all gone. "I can't believe I missed it for, like, the first hundred times." "Yeah, Pinkie," I say, halfheartedly, "Good job." I don't have it in me to tell her that she's still got soap in her mane. Number 6: Play "Truth or Dare" with your friends. Check. It was actually rather fun. On the downside, however, I now have a reputation with a Chineighs couple as being a stalker, a pervert, and, oddly, a lover of celery. Number 57: Perform a science experiment using Mentos and Coke. Errr...check? I only saw the word "experiment" when I first read it, and Pinkie pointed it out just as Tia and I started cuddling. Well, anyways, we eventually got the Mentos thing done. Number 62: Sing a song or two on a karaoke machine. Check. We sang Animal by Fluorescent Conifers, So What by Fuschia, and, Pinkie's personal favorite, Equestria Girls. Or...wait...maybe it was I Like Big Plots and I Cannot Lie... Number 17: Watch a scary movie. Check. We are now permanently banned from the premises of the Nightmare Flix Theater due to "excessive screaming." Number 104: Pitch a tent in the wilderness and spend time eating s'mores and talking with your friends. Not check. REMINDER: Never let Pinkie Pie near a box of matches again. Ever. Again. Number 95: DARE! Drink a Chimera Energy Drink and chase it down with a bottle of hot sauce. Check. Now I know what the inside of an emergency room looks like. It's sometime after ten'o'clock. Celestia and I are sitting outside the abandoned train station, watching the raindrops casually roll off the metal overhang above us and into a large, glassy pool on the concrete. I've got Turning 21 open on my lap, skimming through the crisp white pages in search of our next activity, while Tia, only a few hooves away from me, is eating from a Chineighs Takeout carton. I can't account for Pinkie Pie right now, seeing as I last saw her pegging a colt in a brothel over half an hour ago, but we told her to meet us here when she was finished, so I'm expecting her to appear out of nowhere at any moment. "It's a beautiful night, isnn it, Twilight?" says Celestia, in between bites of rice and dumplings. "Yeah...it is..." I try to tear my my vision away from the beautiful downpour before me, knowing that I need to get back to my book and find something fun to do before I make up my mind to head home, but I just can't. Aside from the Princess's dazzling alabaster flanks, this is literally the most beautiful thing I have seen in a while. It reminds me of home, of Ponyville, of the simplicity and elegance of our little backwards town, and it's tugging on my heartstrings in the most aggravating way. But come tomorrow morning, I think, things are all gonna get complicated again. I mean, I'm in a relationship with Princess freaking Celestia, for goodness sakes. How much more complicated could it get? Are we going to get married? Will I live in Canterlot? Will I become an alicorn? What will my friends think? There are so many unanswered questions to think about right now, it's making my brain hurt. Tia glances down at my book. "So, you're looking for something dumb to do?" I'm instantly snapped out of my reverie. "What? Oh, yeah. But I just can't seem to finn anything that interests me." I focus my attention back on Turning 21: A Guide to the Beginning of the Rest of Your Life , trying to block out all of my thoughts that pertain either to the rain, Tia, or anything else. Let's see...running through a field of flowers...flowers really aren't my thing...video-documenting your activities...don't need any incriminating evidence, so no... "What about getting a celebrity's autograph? I think Hoofstein...Horshoepin...somepony's in town tonight." Celestia scoots closer to me, setting down her Chineighs food. "Actually, naow that I think about it, Twili--" "Ooh, or maybe we couldd try parachuting! I'vv always wanted to try parachuting. They say iss like flying..." "No, Twilight, I'd rather--" "Nah, we really cannn do that in this rain..." "There is one thing we can do, Twi--" "Maybe we could go splashing in some pudddles? They're a little bit toooo wet, though..." "I knoww something else that'll be wet, Tw--" "But, thenn again, I'm out inn the rain a lot whenn I'm in Ponyville..." "TWILIGHT!" "GAH" The full force of Celestia's voice knocks me over, sending Turning 21 tumbling out of my hooves and onto the concrete. Thankfully I didn't fall very far, otherwise I would be suffering from more than a bruised arm and a sore leg at the moment, but still, I was kind of annoyed at Tia. I turn towards her, frowning. "What'd you do that for?" I ask. The alicorn rubs the back of her neck in embarrassment. "Sorry. You were really startin' to get absorbed in your book there..." She lets out a chuckle, then wraps her hoof around my shoulders. "What I was trying to telll you was that I was wondering if, well, if you wanted to...um..." Her voice drops to a whisper, and she blushes. "...continue what we did innn the park..." "Oh..." My blushing muscles pull double overtime. "R-right here?" The thought of doing it here, in public, in plain sight of anypony who could come wandering by, makes my pulse quicken. Everypony and anypony would be able to see us getting it on, and I would be getting a front row seat to the action. Then again, says a small part of my brain, they probably won't be able to see anything through this torrential downpour, but I couldn't really care less right now. "Sure...but only iffff you're okay with it, Tia." "'Course I am, my little lovebird." She plants a quick smooch on my cheek, but her lips linger on my face and slowly, gradually move down to mine. It's not long before were going at wholeheartedly, with my tongue exploring every inch of her supple, capacious, mouth, and I realize that this is it. I reach up and wrap my hooves around the princess's back, trying to press my body closer to hers in this awkward sitting position, and I succeed in getting our lips intertwined even more. My lavender skin is starting to burn bright red, and if this goes on for much longer, I think I might just have to do it outside in the rain. She pulls me down to the cool concrete, then. Her wings are at full mast once again, though the POMF is barely audible over the pitter patter of the rain outside. We shift around until I'm laying on my back, staring up at the deliciously curvaceous entity known as Princess Celestia, and I can feel one of Tia's hooves gently nudging my private place. I choke out a gasp, something along the lines of dear Luna, and grab for the exquisite white feathers protruding from the sun goddess's back, hoping to stimulate her to orgasm. There's no way that we can 69 each-other, what with our massive size difference, but between me stroking Tia's wings and Tia stroking my sex, I think we can manage. "Ohhhh godsssss, Twilight," coos Celestia, shivering madly against my ministrations. The only thing that keeps me from replying in kind is having occupied my mouth elsewhere; namely, on Tia's chestfur, licking and suckling and biting it gently, trying to take in all I can of my wonderful marefriend. She gives a small shriek every time I nibble on her, a wonderful, musical sound that makes me quiver all the harder, and her redoubled efforts on my pussy are making me whimper and groan as though I were possessed. The alabaster alicorn cranes her neck over, positioning her muzzle at the tip of my horn. By the time I realize what she's doing, it's too late for me to protest, and her tongue is already flicking across the highly sensitive surface of my horn, flitting in and out of the miniscule grooves like a moth on steroids. "Nuuh....ughhhh, Tia..." She opens her mouth and slowly, torturously slides the entire length of my horn inside, going up and down on it like she's giving a blowjob to a stallion. I pull one of my hooves away from her wings, biting down on it to stifle my guttural scream of pleasure, and try to not come right then and there. Suddenly, without warning, the Princess draws back. "I'm...going to...go...down on you...Twilight...okay?" She scoots off of me, and I instantly miss the blissful feel of her burning flesh pressing against mine. Trailing her tongue down my stomach, she quickly arrives at the junction of my legs, and, after a moment's hesitation, starts giving me oral. She smothers my poor little vagina with her muzzle, slipping in and out of my purplish folds, slurping at my love button, sweeping her tongue across my inner walls. It feels like my head is about to explode. My moaning's become almost constant, and in hopes of keeping this pleasure going on forever, my hooves have become intertwined in Celestia's tricolor mane, holding in her place. It's too much for me, I realize. I can't hold it back anymore. "Ah...ah, fuck, fuck, Tia...I'm gonna...ahhhhhhhhhh!" My climax hits me with tremendous force, making my vision go black, my breathing shallow, and making everything in the world except for Celestia become unimportant. Small, bright fireworks dart around my brain for a minute or two, leaving a pleasant tingling behind wherever they go off. I am in heaven. I have died and gone to heaven, floating along through the puffy white clouds of ecstasy and burning brighter the sun could ever hope to burn. When I finally return to the land of the living, a dull unimportant place, Tia is staring up at me, smiling. And that makes it all worthwhile. "Did you...enjoy that?" she pants, her voice huskily grinding against my ears. "Yeah..." She's too far away for me to kiss her, which I want to do something terribly, so I use my magic to grab her by the horn and drag her forward. Our lips meet once more, and I can taste my own love juices on her tongue, sending a shiver down my spine and out through my rear hooves. I need to repay her for what she's just done. I break contact with the alabaster alicorn, moving my muzzle to her ear. "Let me...service you...now, Princess..." I pant. "Oh...Twili...I couldn't--" "No, I inciss..." I drag myself out from under her, nipping gently at her forehooves as I go, and roll over on my stomach. Celestia does the same, pushing her head up against a green metal trashcan and spreading her elegant white legs. The moment I catch a sight of her beautiful, glorious wetness, her musky, arousing scent drifting up to my nostrils, that's it. My self control withers away instantly, and I dive right in. "Gyahhh...ohh, Twilight..." The Princess bucks into my muzzle, but it doesn't bother me too much. I had expected her sex to taste like something along the lines of marshmallows, whipped cream, or really anything sugary sweet, but I couldn't have been more wrong. She tastes just like any other piece of flesh tastes--coppery, slightly tangy--and that somehow makes her juicy insides that much more tasty. I nibble gently on her outer lips, flickering my tongue across her open slit, and start slurping at her inner walls. I want to put my whole muzzle inside her, using it like a humongous dildo to bring her to the best orgasm of her her life, but I don't think I would be able to get it back out again. Celestia's moans ring loudly in my ears, and I can tell that she's almost there. I realize that I have to do something spectacular, something memorable, something that would make this absolutely mind blowing for her; and suddenly I notice that she has a clitoral piercing, a small, silver ring that looks like it would be very fun to play with. It's too small for me to hook my tongue through, sadly, so I bite down on her permanent piece of jewelry instead, tugging backwards with all my might and sending her past the point of no return. Celestia lets out something between a sob and primal scream, garbled far beyond pony comprehension. Her wings go straighter than a wooden board, straining against her back as they try to fly off on their own accord, and sparks explode from her lengthy horn, arcing up towards the heavens and burning a hole through the roof of the train station. Her love juices splash onto my face, temporarily blinding me and getting all over my horn and mane, and I let go of her clit ring, opening my mouth wide in hopes to catch some of the delicious nectar. By the time the fountain diminishes completely, going from a full force explosion to a slow trickle, I've had four swallows worth of yummy mare cum, and my tastebuds are begging me for more. After a minute or two, Tia comes around. "Oh...godsss...Twilight..." she pants, tongue hanging out of her mouth. "Juss come here an kiss me." I crawl up onto her stomach, complying with her request, and our lips engulf each-other once again, almost as if they're trying to fuse into one. When we finally, reluctantly break contact, I realize just how lucky I am to be with Princess Celestia. I lay my head down on her fluffy white chest, closing my eyes and enjoying the rhythmic thump-thump of her heartbeat. "You know what? says Celestia. "Mmm...what?" "We weren't even interrupted by Pinkie Pie." I chuckle lightly, opening my eyes. "Yeah, at least not yet." I shouldn't have said that. Almost as if on cue, Pinkie Pie leaps out of the rain, her puffy mane plastered to her forehead, a bright smile stretched across her face. Her huge, palm tree sunglasses clash greatly with her dark black lingerie, and a fuzzy set of handcuffs is locked around her right hoof, the other half dragging uselessly on the ground. She takes a moment to look us over, seemingly unfazed by the obvious fact that the two of us just had sex, and giggles. "Glad to see you guys had as much fun as I did!" I turn to Tia. "That can't be a coincidence." She nods. "Must be voice activated." Number 7: Go swimming in a giant swimming pool. Check. The owners of the swimming pool threatened to report us to the local authorities for breaking into their condo, however, so we only got to do two or three laps before we had to hightail it outta there. Number 206: Give graffiti a try, but make sure not to put it somewhere that might get you thrown in jail. Check. I'm starting to question the motives of the ponies who wrote this book. Number 81: Hold a drinking contest. Number 45: Dress up in silly outfits and walk around. Check. Now I have yet another reason to never return to Manehattan again. Number 157: Get a celebrity to give you his/her autograph. Check. Turns out that Fredrick Horshoepin was in town. 11:45. We're standing in line in Mr. Quickie's Go Mart, waiting to get up to the counter so we can pay for our bottle rocket building materials. The pony in front of us, a dark black colt called Taboo Markings--in case you're wondering how I know that, I saw him talking to somepony in his tattoo parlor earlier, and he used his full name--is buying a Tri-Wing Energy Drink, two boxes of oatmeal, and, if I'm not mistaken, a 6-pack of lace panties. When the cashier sees this last item, he gives a queer smirk, but scans it through anyways. "Whatever floats your boat, man." Taboo blushes, an action I am all too familiar with. "For your information," he growls, pulling out his wallet, "these are for my girlfriend. She's a little short on bits this month." The cashier nods, passing the bag of groceries back across the counter. "Suuure. Just make sure to lock the door behind you when you put these on." Taboo goes scarlet once again, then pushes his way out of the store, giving the cashier the phoenix on the way out. "Next customer, please." Tia and I step up to that counter. "You know," she says, plopping the baking soda down, "I think that was the colt that Pinks was telling me about." "Him? She knows him?" "Oh, yeah, sure. He looks exactly like the one that Pinks said she was pegging a couple of hours earlier. 'Black, hard outer shell, gooey, sissy center.'" I hold back a snicker. "Really? Thass how she described him?" "Yup. 'Cept she said he had a bite mark on his flank, an I couldn't tell if he had one or not." "Oh, it's definitely him," says the cashier, ringing up our ninety-nice cent bag of inflatable balloons. "Everypony on this street knows he's a sissy. Maragaret said she saw him with his mane in a ponytail, wearing pink frilly lingerie and a few other questionable things, walking around his apartment complex and calling himself 'Glaze.'" The earth pony shakes his head, lifting our bags off the rack and onto the counter. "Can't believe he still has a marefriend...anyhoo, thanks for stopping at Mr. Quickie's Go Mart." Number 130: Hold a limbo contest. Check. Pinkie Pie somehow slid under a .25 inch bar, thereby winning the contest, probably breaking a limbo world record or two, and continuing to baffle and confuse the entirety of Equestria and all it's inhabitants. Number 267: Take a group picture of everypony who attended your party. Check. Surprisingly, that one went off without a hitch. Number 9: Play a game of "Duck, Duck, Goose." Check. There were also a couple of racoons, some pigeons, and and turtle who showed up, but we didn't let them play. Number 23: Participate, or put on, a dance contest. Check. My right hoof is still sore from falling on it. "Alright, less see...who to dial..." After realizing that I probably shouldn't call one of my friends, somepony who could recognize my voice, I use my magic to punch in a random set of numbers. There's a moment of ringing on the other end of the line, then I hear heavy breathing. "Hellllooo," I say, slurring slightly. "Hello? Who is this?" "I'm having some trouble hearing youu, sirrr. I thinn my phone quality might not be working." "Well, what in Celestia's name do you want me to do about it?" "Couldja say a few test phrases for me?" There's a pause. "Alright. Then you'd better hang up." "I'm a tote." "'I'm a tote.'" "Ulba." "'Ulba.'" "Twad." "Oh, fuck me. I ain't falling for that shit again. You're gonna want me to say them all together, aren't you, and then you're gonna hang up on me when I say 'I'm a total butt wad,' aren't you?! ...Hello? H--" Click. Pinkie Pie and Celestia break out laughing. Number 155: Make up your own activity/event and write it in the box next to this one. --> Sit on a park bench and drink a Budwhinny. Check. For bonus points, I even threw up a little bit. Number 99: Invent a secret language to use with your close friends. Check. But I don't think I'll be using it again, seeing as it's too easy to confuse "pizza" with "dumb bucker." Number 21: Make funny faces and capture them on camera. Check. Here's one of the pictures that we got: It's raining again. I can see it out my window, coming down heavily on the train tracks in front of us, and it reminds me of mine and Tia's earlier fling on the other side of the city. (Different train station--this one's not old and decrepit like the one where me and my lover had sweet, blissful intercourse.) Just like last time, Turning 21 is open in my lap, but with many more items checked off than before. Princess Celestia is still sitting next to me, but now she's eating a bag of complimentary peanuts instead of some Chineighs food, and Pinkie Pie is stretched out in the seat to my right. I don't know what me me decide to want to go home. I wasn't getting tired of checking off things in my activity book. I didn't have any reason to be home by tommorow morning. I didn't set somepony's house on fire with a stray "COMBO-BREAKER 2000" firework. Tia was with me, sticking by my side wherever I went. I had no need to go back to Ponyville to meet up with her. In fact, if I went home right now, mine and Tia's life would only get worse. No, I really had no reason at all to go home. But I wanted to do it anyways. The train starts to take off, click-clacking gently as it starts its long journey back to Ponyville. As I look around, I realize that most of the passengers in this train car are either sleeping, listening to music on their iPonys, or reading a book, reminding me once again of just how late--or early--it is. "Hey, Tia," I say, nudging the alabaster alicorn. "What time's it?" Pinkie Pie speaks up, eyes still closed. "12: 50." "How do you know? You dinn even check a watch, or anything." "Twili," says the Princess, putting a hoof on my shoulder. "It's juss Pinkie Pie being Pinkie Pie. Let her sleep." "...Hmmph. Alright." I cross my hooves, leaning my head back against the window and closing my eyes. Pitter patter pitter patter click clack click clack pitter patter click patter pitter clack pitter patter click patter--the sounds all blur into one, overlaping and becoming white noise in the background. The words "pillow" and "nap" sound like commands descended directly for the stars themselves, I realize, and I can tell I'm falling asleep. I lean my head over on Celestia, nuzzling her neck gently with my muzzle, taking extra care not to poke her with my horn. And I sleep. Author's Note If you got the joke about "it's a beautiful night, we're looking for something dumb to do," then I'll give you a cookie.
The Morning After...dear Luna my head hurts... Gaahhhhh...I'm never going to drink again... I cuss. Repeatedly and rather violently. Both my mother and Princess Celestia have taught me not to swear, but I'm pretty sure that only these words can describe how horrible I feel at the moment. My heart's just run a forty-hour marathon, my eyes are experiencing spontaneous combustion, and I can tell that I'm going to upchuck sometime soon. Dammit...why couldn't I have just stayed asleep?! With the strength of a two-year old filly, I feebly pull the covers over my head, preparing for an extended stay. But the world has a funny sort of sarcasm about it; that annoying sort of sarcasm that just thrives off of making you miserable. I can hear my alarm clock going off in the background, each and every deafening chime hitting my head like a two-ton sledgehammer. My addled brain makes my magic useless, which means the only way to turn off the accursed thing is to get up and walk across the room. I didn't think I could manage to do that without vomiting all over my hooves, but if I had to listen to that stupid noise any longer, I would die. ...Alright, I'm sorry stomach, but I have to get up and go kill my clock. Please try to stay inside of me on the way there. Eyes still closed, I gingerly stick a hoof out from under the blankets and search for the ground. It doesn't seem to be where it usually is; in fact, all I can feel are books, articles of clothing, and more books. "Spiiiiiike," I moan, "Spiiike, I can't find the floor..." He doesn't answer, of course, because he's in Canterlot taking a "Better Asisstant's Course for Dragons," which my brain hasn't registered until moments later. Stupid, stupid brain! I blame you for all of this! And suddenly, for no apparent reason, the alarm clock shuts off. My right hoof stops flailing wildly as I attempt to process this new information, which either means that I forgot to wind it all the way or that someone else is in the r-- The covers are ripped off of me, flung to the side like a used napkin. In an attempt to defend against the horrible sunlight, two lavender hooves move to my face, partly obscuring the view of a pink party pony. "P-Pinkie?" I stutter. "What the fuck...?" She giggelsnorts. "Yeah, that's what you said last night!" I'm in too much pain at the moment to analyze this statement, so I simply let it drop and focus more attention on how I'm dying. Pinkie seems to take no notice of me doubling over and preparing to sign a will, instead barreling on to the next topic. "Anyways, it's time to get up, Mr. Grumpy-Mc-Sleepyhead...um...Pants! We made you pancackes in the shape of a book!" 'We?' Oh, Celestia, what happened last night?! Just how much did I have to drink? These and other charming thoughts run through my head as I slowly open one eye, pushing past the burning sensation and trying to get a glimpse of my immediate surroundings. I get a glimpse of my immediate surroundings. "Holy fuck! What in Celestia's name happened here?! Did we get hit by a tornado or something?" My other eye shoots open, and in my incredulity I forget to scream in pain. Every single book I own is scattered across the floor, intermingling with underwear, sleeping bags, spare change, bags of hay chips, cans of 'Zapple' Soda, half of a torn sock, piles of confetti, a decorative lawn flamingo, broken shot glasses, a disposable camera, party hats, lingerie, glitter, sunglasses and everything else under the sun that constitues a massive party. There's even a few ponies passed out in the refuse, but none of them are immediately recognizable. Pinkie Pie grins from ear to ear. "We didn't get hit by a tornado. We got hit by A PARTY!" She starts bouncing up and down with extreme happiness, almost jumping high enough to touch the ceiling. "Now come on, Twilight! We're not quite done celebrating your twenty-first birthday yet!" Still bursting with joy, the pink party pony waltzes out of the room. My twenty-first birthday...? That was yesterday? I have no way of knowing if that's true or not. My memories of yesterday are a complete and utter jumble, threatening to overwhelm me with their ambiguity. The only way to find out what happened was to get up, an action I am dreading in the pit of my stomach. Then I feel my belly rumble, and I clamp a hoof to my mouth in hopes that the puke will stay contained. Gotta get to the bathroom now gotta go gotta go! I vault off the bed and dash towards the bathroom, trampling both refuse and pony in my haste to not barf on the floor. When I get there, I don't even take time to knock, instead bashing in the door and throwing myself in front of the toilet. --Ten HURK-Filled Minutes Later-- Trembling, I reach up and wipe my mouth. My stomach feels better, except for the fact that both it and my throat are being scalded from the inside out. I down some tap water to get rid of the taste of 'euurrgh' in my mouth, then flush the latrine and look at myself in the mirror. A purple, sickly looking unicorn stares back at me, her mane disheveled and her eyes all puffy, with a brownish, reddish mark on her neck. I can't decide if it's a hickie or a bruise, so I ignore it and canter outside. Pinkie Pie is waiting for me, but she doesn't look so good. Her expression is a cross between sympathy, disgust, and terror. I can't possibly look that bad, I think. "You feeling okay, Twi? That sounded...well, 'yuck'." "It was, Pinkie. It was. But I feel better now." Her happy grin returns. "Oh, goody! Now you have more room for those pancakes!" With a tremendous bounce, Pinkie propels herself down the hall and into the kitchen, where I'm assuming I'll get yet another rude surprise. And I'm right, too. The display of dirty plates, splattered counters, and flour-covered bowls do not faze me nearly as much as the appearances of Princess Celestia, Trixie, and a very tired looking Applejack. The three of them--four, counting Pinkie Pie--are seated around my kitchen table, eating from a plate stacked high with book-shaped pancakes. Everypony looks up when I enter, except for Pinkie who is currently stuffing her face with pancakes. "Ah, yes. Good morning, Twilight Sparkle." The Princess motions for me to sit in the remaining empty chair, pushing the plate of doughy novels in my direction. "How are you feeling?" My speechlessness is cured all of a sudden. "Uh, well, I guess I've been better...Princess. So far, today has been rather interesting." I glance around the table, staring at my unwarranted visitors. "If you don't mind me asking, Princess...what in Equestria happened last night?" The alicorn takes a brief moment to sigh, putting down her utensils. "Many things, Twilight. Many things. I regret most of them, and I'm sure you would too." Before I can respond, Trixie butts in, plancing a hoof on her chest. "Well, I don't regret a thing! Not one! The Great and Powerful Trixie regrets nothing!" Applejack lets out a dry chuckle, head in hoof. "I do. Twi, no offense meant here, but please don't invite me to any more of your parties. Ah've had enough fun for an entire lifetime, and I mean that when I say it." For several moments, silence reigns supreme in the room. The pancackes look somewhat unappetizing at the moment, so I push them back towards Princess Celestia. "That's all very interesting," I say, "but I still don't know what happened. My memories are gone." Princess Celestia sighs once again. "You had over thirty shots of alcohol last night, Twilight. This leads me to believe that you blacked out at some point during your birthday, which would explain why you have no recollection of the various events you participated in. If you wish, I can use my magic to restore your dormant memories." I open my mouth to speak, but all of a sudden, I find that I am hesitant to answer. Do I really want to know what happened yesterday? says a little part of my mind. From the sound of things, everypony in here regrets something they did last night. That probably means that I regret something too. Yes, you do, says the rest of my brain. You're going to have to find out sooner or later, or you'll go insane from curiosity. "Yes," I say. Princess Celestia stands up and canters around to my side of the table. "Very well, Twilight Sparkle." Her horn begins to glow with a brilliant yellow light, and her features look more careworn and loving than usual. "Try not to hate me too much once your flashback is over, Twi." I start to say, "Princess, I could never hate you," but before the first syllable comes out of my mouth, Celestia touches her horn to mine. Psychedelic rainbows dart across my vision, accompanied by the sound of a chorus of angel ponies who are pouring golden nectar down from heaven onto my head. And suddenly, I remember.
Pro InhibitionPrincess Celestia and I are sitting side-by-side in the royal flying carriage, traveling away from Canterlot Castle and heading towards Manehattan. Her royal adornments have been polished until they shine unrealistically, and her quad-colored mane and tail smell strongly of lavender shampoo. "You look wonderful, Princess," I say. "As do you, my dear Twilight." She gives a small smile as she glances over my Grand Galloping Gala dress. "T-thank you...um, Princess," I stutter. My thought processes amount to something like: Oh no I'm blushing I shouldn't be blushing right now why am I blushing stop it face stop it stop it stop it! "Please, call me Tia. Friends don't need to call each-other by their formal titles." Her eyes stray to the window. "Okay...Tia." The word feels strange in my mouth. 'Tia' stares thoughtfully out the window, head in hoof. "I can't believe it's your twenty-first birthday today, Twilight. Where did the time go? It feels like just yesterday when I enrolled you in my School for Gifted Unicorns..." She lets out a sigh. "I thank you for letting me be with you tonight, Twi. I really should be writing a letter to the embassy of Neighpal right now, but I got bored." The princess turns to me and smiles. "Let's keep this our little secret, alright?" I nod, smiling back, as a silly thought crosses my mind. "Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!" After I finish gesticulating, the two of us break out laughing. If only Pinkie Pie could see us right now, I think. We start to talk a little more, Celestia and I. The topics are fairly boring in the beginning, but then escalate quickly into things like how Rainbow Dash and Rarity went shopping the other day, Dash resisting with all her being; how Celestia spent a late night watching a "Parks and Recreational Areas" marathon on PGTV and forgot to rise the sun in the morning; and how embarassed I was on my fourteenth birthday to have my mother throw a huge party and forget to invite my friends. I haven't felt this close to Celstia since I moved to Ponyville. Finally, in the middle of a conversation about a giant Zap Apple, we arrive in Manehattan. The city below us is positively exploding with activity, the windows and streetlights giving off a radiant yellow-ish bronze that brightens the night considerably. I roll down the carriage window and stick my head outside, enjoying the cool breezes rushing past my muzzle and the subtle scents of the dark air. "Wooooo!" I scream, loud enough to be heard over the flapping of the pegasi pulling our vehicle. "It's time to party!" Tia chuckles as I pull my head back inside. "What happened to you, dear Twilight? You were so tame moments ago." Using my magic, I pull a small, yellow book out of my pocket dimension. "Turning 21: A Guide to the Beginning of the Rest of Your Life," I say, reading off the title. "These are the guidelines I plan on following tonight, and I've already accomplished numbers 13 and 24: 'do something crazy,' and 'Invite one of your closest friends to your party." "You were always one for having guidelines," says the princess, an amused smile plastered across her face. "Very well. What's the next item on the list?" I flip a few pages. "'Number 15: Get drunk and brag about it in the morning. Make sure to leave your chariot keys at home, or else blah, blah, blah.' I'm kinda looking forward to this one. I mean, I've always wondered what alcohol tastes like. Not because I plan on making it a habit, but so I can satisfy my natural curiosity." "Screw natural curiosity," Celestia blurts, rolling down her window. "Alcohol is delicious." She shouts a set of orders to our drivers, something about heading to Sophisticated Cider, and pulls her head back inside. Something appears to have triggered in her mind that wasn't there moments before. "If there's one thing I can tell you about getting intoxicated, it's that there's no reason to brag about being drunk once morning rolls around." The ride doesn't last long. Before I know it, we're setting down in front of a black, two-story establishment with columns of grey marble adorning the entrance. Ponies are being ushered inside by an intimidating unicorn bouncer, some of them being turned back with a stern frown and a bad word. All in all, it looks as though this establishment is more of a fancy restaurant than a bar. When Celestia and I step out onto the pavement, everypony in line bows reverently and moves aside, refusing to make eye contact with us as we enter the building. This is it, I think, trying to swallow my nervousness. No backing out now, Twilight. The inside of Sopisticated Cider is ten thousand times more chaotic than the outside. In fact, I think the owners are using a reverse psychology tactic to lure unsuspecting ponies in. Crowds of inebriated patrons waltz all across the room, singing and dancing to the mild electric beat until they pass out in their own drool. Most of them are so intoxicated that they can barely stand on four hooves, yet still somehow they still find the strength to hold a beer bottle. Even the DJ, Vinyl Scratch, looks rather tipsy. Her rap lyrics are frequently interrupted with hiccups, burps, and lewd statements. We canter over to a corner of the establishment that isn't occupied by knocked-down tables or vomiting earth ponies, settling instead for a stand-alone, pay-per-drink table laden with every kind of alcohol imaginable. Captain Maregan's, Pone Cuervo, Mexicolt Tequila and Arborial Mist are just some of the few prestigous names before me. As for pricing, the value in bits of each shot is listed on the table, and to make sure that ponies don't take advantage of Sophisticated Cider, the small ATM/kiosk off to the side is monitored by a security camera. I start to get my bag of bits out, but Celestia stops me with a hoof on my shoulder. "I really don't think they'll make us pay, Twilight," she says. "After all, I am the princess of Equestria. I can always pay them back later." "Are you sure, Tia? I don't really want that much, just a few drinks. I have more than enough to pay for it." "Well, you can't possibly have enough bits to compensate for what I want." Celestia reaches over and grabs a shot glass, filling it to the brim with the contents of a bottle labeled 'Decorum' and downing it almost immediately. "Ohhhh yeah..." she moans, tongue lolling out of her mouth. "This is sooo much better than the wine they serve in Canterlot..." Oookay, I think, sending my money back to the pocket dimension. She's acting kinda weird...But hey, I might as well take her up on her offer. Using Captain Maregan's in place of Decorum, I eagerly repeat Tia's actions, tilting my head back and trying to swallow the entire shot at once. The smoky and sweet flavor of the rum is not entirely unenjoyable, so I slam the glass back down and refill it. After several minutes' worth of this cycle, I start to realize that my mind is beginning to cloud over. The feeling is akin to being dazed from a minor fall, but a pleasant sense of warmth in the background makes it enjoyable. With the enthusiasm of a newborn puppy, I toss back another glass of rum, accidentally letting some of the liquid drip down onto my chin. As for Celestia, I take no notice of the lecherous glance she is aiming at me. I am completely oblivious of her intentions to lean over and lick the dribbling alcohol off my neck. Before she can do so, however, an explosion of pink barrels into me, sending both me and my glass of Maregan's crashing to the floor. It's hard to make out the shape exactly, but I appear to be staring up at the Element of Laughter. "P-Pinkie?" I stutter. "What the fuck? What are you doing here? I thought you were in Ponyville!" The pony in question lets out a laugh of extreme proportions, nearly shaking her party hat and sunglasses off. "Silly filly! I always come here on Thursdays!" Pinkie Pie rolls off me and aids me in getting to my hooves. "Oh, and before I forget again, happy twenty-first birthday, Twilight!" "Th-thank you," I hiccup, putting a hoof to my mouth in an attempt not to belch loudly. Pinkie's presence made this drink-fest feel more like a party, and I was glad she was here. "Did you get me any gifts?" "Of course I did!" She sets a paper party hat down on the table, one that looks exactly like hers except for the color scheme. "Here ya go!" "...This is a party hat, Pinkie," I say, deadpanning. "And from the looks of it, one you just picked up off the floor. I was expecting something more along the lines of, you know, a book." Pinkie makes a face. "Well, I wanted to get you something practical, Twilight. What would you do with a book?" She lets out another gigglesnort, reaching up to fix her sunglasses. "I mean, you can't wear a book on your head. can you?" I roll my eyes. --Sometime Later-- It's been at least an hour or two since we arrived at Sophisticated Cider, and Celestia, Pinkie and I have been drinking nonstop. Over this short, insignificant period of time, my brain has slowly deteriorated from slightly inebriated to full-blown, drop-dead drunk, and I'm really enjoying it. I think I might just have to add alcoholic to one of my hobbies. "Wheee!" shouts Pinkie, jumping atop a flimsy wooden table and beginning to disco dance. "Come on, you two! Join me up here!" I laugh. That seems like a great idea to me. Dancing on a tabletop is a lot more fun than dancing on a dumb old floor! Where's the fun in dancing if there isn't a challenge to it? "Ohkay, Pinkieeee," I slur, clambering up onto the unstable surface, "Dancing is sooooo much fun!" Celestia soon follows suit, and within a minute or two we're rocking our pedestals back and forth, threatening to tip over at any moment. Four herculean earth-ponies appear out of nowhere, dressed in dark black suits and wearing miniscule ear pieces. "Get down from there!" they shout, advancing on our trio from all sides. "Your Majesty," says one, "get down from there immediately or we shall be forced to remove you and your friends from the premises! Also, you haven't paid for your drinks yet!" "Nurrr!" she slurs, even more loaded than I am, "I'm not...going...anywhere! As (hurk) Princess of E-Equestria, I can do whatev I want!" Her dancing becomes even more animated, wobbling the table left and right. And, almost as if on cue, her pedestal tips over, slamming her muzzle-first into the hard concrete. "Ohmygosh, Tia," I say, leaping off the table and staggering to her aid. "You okay?" "Nrr. Nrr 't all," she mutters, sitting up and shaking her head. "Less get out of here!" She quickly pushes her way past the beefy guards, kicking one of them on her way out, and Pinkie and I follow close behind, avoiding tackles from the staff and dodging drunken patrons who try to stop us. When we finally make it outside, smashing into the line of ponies by the front door, I watch Celestia search anxiously for the carriage. "Whurr are they?!" she screams, stomping her hoof. "I'll have their (hic) wings!" "Quik," I shout, nearly crashing into her as I grind to a halt, "run into the wuuds! Run into the wuuds!" At my ridiculous suggestion, the three of us turn around and head into the nearby park, crashing through the shrubbery and away from our pursuers. Pinkie Pie, pulling aside me, lets out a belly laugh. "This party is awesome, Twilight!" "I knurr!" Author's Note The flashback begins... In case anyone isn't clear on this, Twilight has told her friends that she will be spending the evening with Princess Celestia instead of throwing a huge party at her place. As you can see, however, Twilight ends up sending time with them anyways. Let the drunken stupidity ensue~
Quality TimeOnce, when I was in third grade, all of the unicorns at my school took a "physical examination." Princess Celestia wanted to make sure her young prodigies would be able to practice magic on the run, so she set up a series of obstacle courses in the gym that would be used to asses our physical well-being and mental acuity. Our coach, a large, obnoxious earth pony, made us run around the track at least seventeen times; but before the seventh lap was finished, my mother had to come take me home and nurse me back to health. This particular memory comes to mind as I'm laying in the cool, tickling grass of St. Herbal's Park, wishing that I had suggested to do something other than get drunk. If I hadn't wanted to get drunk, then I wouldn't have had too much to drink, and if I hadn't had too much to drink, then I wouldn't have been dancing on a table, and if I hadn't been dancing on a table, then I wouldn't have got kicked out of Sophisticated Cider, and if I hadn't got kicked out of Sophisticated Cider, then I wouldn't have been pursued into the park by a set of guards, and if I hadn't been pursued by a set of guards, then I wouldn't be laying in a park in the middle of Manehaatan, exhausted to the point of collapse. So far, Turning 21: A Guide to the Rest of your Life, has not been very helpful. After a minute or two, I realize that my near skin-tight dress is not helping me cool off, so I use my magic to yank it over my head and throw it to the side. Of course, if I was lucid, I would have realized that you can't take off a dress while laying down, but I'm not, so naturally I hear a loud ripping noise as it goes flying away. Uh-oh! Guess Rare'll just have to fix it tomorrow. Now sufficiently cooler, I bring myself to a sitting position and search for my friends. Pinkie Pie is nowhere to be seen, and the thought that she might have gotten caught crosses my mind. Princess Celestia, however, is nearby, and she's laying face down on her stomach. Small sobs are emanating from her general area, and when these reach my ears my heart drops in my chest. "Tiaaa," I slur, climbing shakily to my hooves, "whass wrong? Why are you crying?" I make my way over to her, slowly and unsteadily. She appears to have taken off her royal adornments and laid them aside; they appear to have lost their luster. "Twilight," Celestia says, surprising me, "I'm so sorry." She looks up at me with tears in her eyes. "If I (erp) had paid for those drinks like you (sniff) l-like you said, then none of this would've happennnd at all! W-we'd probly be back in Canterlot now if I hadn't...hadn't..." And she goes back to crying. This entire speech has broken my heart. Falling to my knees, I tenderly put a hoof on Celestia's back, trying to comfort her in this rare moment of sadness. "Tia, there's no reason to cry. We'll get through this, I kno we will. Isnn that what you used to tell me, Princess? Two's better than one...er something like that?" I use my magic to wipe the tears fom her eyes. "I'm not really worried 'bout getting home now. I already toll my friends I'd get home tomorrow morning, so we've got a while. Iss still my birthday, isn't it?" I smile at her. A small smile comes to her face. "Yeah, it is. Even iff it's the weidest party I've been too." Celestia sniffles a bit. "Thank you, Twili. I needed that." Without warning, she leans down and plants a small kiss on my cheek, making me flush scarlet. "You arrr, and always will be, my favorite student." It hits me, then. Like a ten-ton freight train packed full of lit TNT that has a one second fuse and is heading straight into a bomb depot. My 'infatuation' with her is definitely more than an infatuation. And I think she likes me back. I am no longer laying side-by-side with the object of my affection. Instead, I have been rather rudely thrown into the land of memories, walking down the path labeled 'Princess Celestia.' Things flash by me: my enrollement into her magic school; the time we went on a fieldtrip to the Canterlot Library and she had to drag me away from the bookshelves; the night at the Gala where we had almost no time together. Each and every time we've been in close proximity, I've felt something far stronger than the bond I have with my friends. I...want to be around Celestia, every moment of every day...forever. "Celestia," I nuzzle her neck gently, trying to get her to look down at me. "Do you...uhmm...what do yu think of me?" I need to know if she feels the way I do, and now is as good a time to ask as any. She frowns for a moment. "I already told you--yer my favorite student, Tw--" "No, not like that. I mean...do you...like me?" Her eyes go wide, and she blushes. "Well...to be truthful..." She turns away, staring off into the distance at nothing in particular. "Y-yes, Twilight Sparkle. I do like you. Your purple coat, an cute figure...Part of the reason I sent you to Ponyville was so I wouldnn drool over you so much." I am ecstatic. Beyond ecstatic, really. It's more of a euphoria than an ecstasy. Regardless, my speech organ has failed me, and all I can do is lovingly stare at her. My first thought: I wonder how jealous my friends'll be... Celestia picks up her crown, using her hooves instead of magic, and places it on my head. It's too big for me, of course, but I don't really care that much. "Well, Princess Twi," she says, grinning, "What do you wanna do now? It is your birthday still." I put a hoof to my chin. "Uh...How about we, I dunno, go for a run?" This thought comes to me out of nowhere, and I start to wonder why I just asked to do something I'm horrible at. Neverthless, Tia nods her assent. She leaps to her feet, wobbling a bit, and I follow suit. "Running" she says, chuckling. "I could go for a run. How far ya wanna go?" "As far as I can!" My hooves take off with a mind of their own, leaving the Princess in the dust. She lets out a laugh and charges after me, crying foul. After today, I think I just might have to take up exercise. Without the fear of being caught by guardsponies, the run is much more exhilarating than I thought it would be. Benches and shrubbery veer into our path, forcing us to change course and go in another direction. Close-trimmed trees and grasses rustle gently as we pass by, swaying to the frantic whims of the midnight zephyrs. Frigid ponds and streams reflect the beauty of Luna's moon, turning the still water into a pool of liquid silver. It's at one of these wonderful ponds where I grind to a halt, panting for air and waiting for Tia to catch up to me. I wonder where she is? Celestia seems to be taking her own, sweet t-- "Gotcha!" Princess Celestia tackles me from behind, sending us tumbling head-over-heels into the water. I only have time to scream momentarily before my head goes under. FWOOSH! Water. Water everywhere. It fills my ears, my eyes, my nose, and my mouth. When I come up for air, spluttering and coughing madly, Tia is floating in place across from me. She's got a hoof to her mouth, trying to keep from busting a gut laughing. "You should've seen the look on your face, Twilight!" Her snickering and snorting is contagious, and I soon find myself laughing just as hard as she is. After a quick splash fight, during which Tia's crown is knocked off my head and I have to retrieve it, we decide to quit horsing around and climb out. Celestia wades over to the far bank, stepping out onto the grass, and I follow closely behind, wobbling on unsteady hooves. As I'm standing there staring at her soaking wet mane, my vision strays to her abalster flanks, tracing her sun-shaped Cutie Mark with my eyes and then moving further down. I know I shouldn't really be doing this, but for Luna's sake! It's staring right at me! Before I can bring myself to look away, Celestia notices me looking at her shapely white rump and smiles. She puts on her most seductive face and wiggles her plot back and forth, tri-colored tail flicking through the air in an attempt to hypnotise me. "Like what you see, dear Twilight?" This is simply too much for my brain to handle. Her feigned innocence and pouty face are making me drool, and before I know what I'm actually doing, I lunge forward and crash into Celestia, knocking her to the ground. Our muzzles meet in a sloppy, imperfect kiss, lacking neither passion nor slobber, and we wrap each-other in a tight embrace. Tia's wings go rigid all of a sudden, spreading out behind her with a large 'POMF' noise. "Hey! What'cha guys doing?" My eyes widen, and I look around. Pinkie Pie is standing across from us, staring at us with curious eyes. "Pinkie Pie?!" I half-scream, scrambling off of Celestia. "What are you doing here?" "What am I doing here? Pfft. Trying to find you guys! You're a stealthy bunch," she says, wagging a hoof at us. I'm instantly reminded of our noisy run through the park, but then I think It's Pinkie Pie. "Since your chariot got lost, or stolen, or whatever, I decided to go look for help!" Her smile makes is considerably brighter than the sun. "Well, did you find any?" asks Tia, trying in vain to force her wings back down to their non-POMF size. She falters. "N-not exactly, but I did get directions to a train station. That way, we can get you back to Canterlot, Celestia, and I can take Twilight home with me! Doesn't that sound great?" "Actually, Pinkie," I say, putting my hoof on her shoulder, "I'd kinda like to stay in Manehattan for a while. At least until morning." "Ookay...and do what?"
Sleepless in Manehattan(This chapter contains graphically mature content. You've been warned.) Number 36: Get a disposable camera and take pictures of everyone at your party. Check. So far, I have three pictures. Number 44: Go for a walk through your city. You'd be surprised how much more interesting things are when you're intoxicated. Check. Except for the fact that it's not my city. Number 19: Kiss your true love in a public place. Check, I suppose. Does a restroom count? Well, if not, then we've at least got the semi-wasted smooch in St. Herbal's park to put down. Number 50: Make a prank phone call to someone you don't know from a payphone. Not check. Nopony had enough spare change. Number 29: Throw a tray of assorted foodstuffs down a set of stairs, then, after scooping it up, put it back on the tray and tell your absent friend that nothing happened to it. Wait until he/she starts eating, then tell him/her what actually happened. Check. I may never forgive Pinkie Pie for that one. Number 11: Get someone to video you dancing an impromptu victory dance. Check. Though, technically, I don't see the need for a victory dance when you've only tricked a vending machine into giving you a free soda. Number 87: Hold a gift exchange using only toiletries. Check. The hotel didn't let us keep any of the little soaps or any of that stuff, though, so I made a note to bring backpack with me next time. And possibly some disguises. "What? Wait, do I have a...is...did I get it?" says Pinkie, chopping her hooves through her mane. "No, iss just...up--no, not...I saids up, Pinkie!" I try, to the best of my ability, to point out the massive splotch of ketchup in the party pony's cotton candy 'do. She's somehow managed to make it look even worse with all her frantic motions, even though she still hasn't gotten anywhere near the actual affected area. Tia seems to be having even less luck than I am, sending Pinkie so far off course that she's now checking her tail for ketchup, and the sight of this makes me chuckle madly. Whirling dervishes have nothing on her, I think. She looks just like Winona when she's chasing her tail...'cept Pinkie isn't a dog...and she doesn't belong to Applejack...'least, I think she doesn't... The two Budwhinnys I snuck from a cooler earlier tonight are definitely not helping my mental processes improve. The Element of Laughter lets out an angry snort. "C'mon, guys! I can't....get it off me if you don't....tell me where it...is!" She stops to pick up a shiny serving tray, dumping the plate of hayfries off onto the table in the process, and attempts to use it's reflective surface like a mirror. Even this, however, does not seem to aid her, and Pinkie throws the servingware on the floor in a fit of rage. "Hey, girls, calm down," says the mare at the counter. The other three patrons in the diner are starting to give our trio angry looks, and one of them, the trashy red pegasus sitting a few tables away from from us, has even gotten up and left the establishment. "You there, the tall one." The waitress motions to Princess Celestia, who puts a hoof on her chest in surprise. "Yeah, you. Can't you get your fillies to calm down, ma'am? It's just a little ketchup. It can be washed off." Celestia blushes, as do I. Pinkie Pie Isn't here to blush, however, seeing as she ran off to the bathroom for some paper towels, but I'm sure she would be just as surprised as we were. "Um, no," says Tia, rubbing the back of her neck. "See, she's not my daughter. Annn she's obviously old enuff to be having foals of her own, don'tcha think?" "'Sides," I slur, "that wouldd be incess." "'Incess?'" The waitress frowns, confused. My drunken slurring must be getting in the way of my proper grammar. "Oh, srrry, I meant incest. I'm kinna drunk drunk right now, an I slur when I'm drunk. It's nothing. Don't worry bout it. Just tell me when I says something you can't understand." "Wh...I...ugh." The blue green earth pony gives a snort of impatience. "Just keep the noise down, okay? And make sure to pay for your meals before you leave, or else you'll find the cops hot on your hooves." She goes back to wiping down the marble countertop, but the stares from the other patrons remain trained on us. "Greaaaat." I bend over and pick up the silver serving tray and put it back on the table. "Last thing we need is to be on the run from th' policers again. This time, Tiaa, you'd better let me pay them. I donn feel like going for anothr run right now." Celestia sits back down, raising her front hooves in a gesture of pacification. "Got it, got it. Juss make sure you've got enough bits." She uses her magic to lift her cherry soda to her lips, sucking noisily on the curlicue straw and almost creating a temporary spacial vacuum. A colt comes up behind Celestia and taps her on the the shoulder. "Excuse me, miss. Do I know you? You look kinda familiar." After her initial moment of shock, Tia nods. "Yeah. 'm Princess Celestia. You know, ruler of Equestria, riser of the sun evry morning. Everypony knows me." The stallion breaks out in a fit of laughter. "Yeah, right. You don't look anything like her. You're far too fat to be our princess." "WHAT?!" Celestia nearly inhales her soda straw, and she spends a few moments choking on the remnants of cherry coke lodged in her airpipe. Once she finally recovers, the sun goddess turns around to give her accuser a stern glare, though with the tears in her eyes she only looks pitiful. "I am the Princess! And I'm defin...especially not fat!! Twili," she says, motioning to me, "hand me my crown." Nodding, I reach into my saddlebags and pass her her royal adornments, and she quickly slaps them on. I have to admit, I have never seen a sexier mare in my life, and the sight of her wearing her regalia once again starts to make my heart beat faster. "Hmm..." He raises a hoof to his chin, pondering. "Well..." "Yes, yes?" "Well...if you're trying to impersonate the Princess, then you're doing pretty good. But you could stand to lose a few pounds." And with that charming remark, he turns around and wanders back over to his barstool, leaving both me and Tia slackjawed beyond belief. "Guys! Guys! I did it! Look!" Pinkie Pie comes barreling out of the bathroom, springing around like a rubber ball on steroids, and leaps over to our table. "Lookie lookie! I got it out of my hair!" She points to the spot where the ketchup originally was, and, sure enough, it's all gone. "I can't believe I missed it for, like, the first hundred times." "Yeah, Pinkie," I say, halfheartedly, "Good job." I don't have it in me to tell her that she's still got soap in her mane. Number 6: Play "Truth or Dare" with your friends. Check. It was actually rather fun. On the downside, however, I now have a reputation with a Chineighs couple as being a stalker, a pervert, and, oddly, a lover of celery. Number 57: Perform a science experiment using Mentos and Coke. Errr...check? I only saw the word "experiment" when I first read it, and Pinkie pointed it out just as Tia and I started cuddling. Well, anyways, we eventually got the Mentos thing done. Number 62: Sing a song or two on a karaoke machine. Check. We sang Animal by Fluorescent Conifers, So What by Fuschia, and, Pinkie's personal favorite, Equestria Girls. Or...wait...maybe it was I Like Big Plots and I Cannot Lie... Number 17: Watch a scary movie. Check. We are now permanently banned from the premises of the Nightmare Flix Theater due to "excessive screaming." Number 104: Pitch a tent in the wilderness and spend time eating s'mores and talking with your friends. Not check. REMINDER: Never let Pinkie Pie near a box of matches again. Ever. Again. Number 95: DARE! Drink a Chimera Energy Drink and chase it down with a bottle of hot sauce. Check. Now I know what the inside of an emergency room looks like. It's sometime after ten'o'clock. Celestia and I are sitting outside the abandoned train station, watching the raindrops casually roll off the metal overhang above us and into a large, glassy pool on the concrete. I've got Turning 21 open on my lap, skimming through the crisp white pages in search of our next activity, while Tia, only a few hooves away from me, is eating from a Chineighs Takeout carton. I can't account for Pinkie Pie right now, seeing as I last saw her pegging a colt in a brothel over half an hour ago, but we told her to meet us here when she was finished, so I'm expecting her to appear out of nowhere at any moment. "It's a beautiful night, isnn it, Twilight?" says Celestia, in between bites of rice and dumplings. "Yeah...it is..." I try to tear my my vision away from the beautiful downpour before me, knowing that I need to get back to my book and find something fun to do before I make up my mind to head home, but I just can't. Aside from the Princess's dazzling alabaster flanks, this is literally the most beautiful thing I have seen in a while. It reminds me of home, of Ponyville, of the simplicity and elegance of our little backwards town, and it's tugging on my heartstrings in the most aggravating way. But come tomorrow morning, I think, things are all gonna get complicated again. I mean, I'm in a relationship with Princess freaking Celestia, for goodness sakes. How much more complicated could it get? Are we going to get married? Will I live in Canterlot? Will I become an alicorn? What will my friends think? There are so many unanswered questions to think about right now, it's making my brain hurt. Tia glances down at my book. "So, you're looking for something dumb to do?" I'm instantly snapped out of my reverie. "What? Oh, yeah. But I just can't seem to finn anything that interests me." I focus my attention back on Turning 21: A Guide to the Beginning of the Rest of Your Life , trying to block out all of my thoughts that pertain either to the rain, Tia, or anything else. Let's see...running through a field of flowers...flowers really aren't my thing...video-documenting your activities...don't need any incriminating evidence, so no... "What about getting a celebrity's autograph? I think Hoofstein...Horshoepin...somepony's in town tonight." Celestia scoots closer to me, setting down her Chineighs food. "Actually, naow that I think about it, Twili--" "Ooh, or maybe we couldd try parachuting! I'vv always wanted to try parachuting. They say iss like flying..." "No, Twilight, I'd rather--" "Nah, we really cannn do that in this rain..." "There is one thing we can do, Twi--" "Maybe we could go splashing in some pudddles? They're a little bit toooo wet, though..." "I knoww something else that'll be wet, Tw--" "But, thenn again, I'm out inn the rain a lot whenn I'm in Ponyville..." "TWILIGHT!" "GAH" The full force of Celestia's voice knocks me over, sending Turning 21 tumbling out of my hooves and onto the concrete. Thankfully I didn't fall very far, otherwise I would be suffering from more than a bruised arm and a sore leg at the moment, but still, I was kind of annoyed at Tia. I turn towards her, frowning. "What'd you do that for?" I ask. The alicorn rubs the back of her neck in embarrassment. "Sorry. You were really startin' to get absorbed in your book there..." She lets out a chuckle, then wraps her hoof around my shoulders. "What I was trying to telll you was that I was wondering if, well, if you wanted to...um..." Her voice drops to a whisper, and she blushes. "...continue what we did innn the park..." "Oh..." My blushing muscles pull double overtime. "R-right here?" The thought of doing it here, in public, in plain sight of anypony who could come wandering by, makes my pulse quicken. Everypony and anypony would be able to see us getting it on, and I would be getting a front row seat to the action. Then again, says a small part of my brain, they probably won't be able to see anything through this torrential downpour, but I couldn't really care less right now. "Sure...but only iffff you're okay with it, Tia." "'Course I am, my little lovebird." She plants a quick smooch on my cheek, but her lips linger on my face and slowly, gradually move down to mine. It's not long before were going at wholeheartedly, with my tongue exploring every inch of her supple, capacious, mouth, and I realize that this is it. I reach up and wrap my hooves around the princess's back, trying to press my body closer to hers in this awkward sitting position, and I succeed in getting our lips intertwined even more. My lavender skin is starting to burn bright red, and if this goes on for much longer, I think I might just have to do it outside in the rain. She pulls me down to the cool concrete, then. Her wings are at full mast once again, though the POMF is barely audible over the pitter patter of the rain outside. We shift around until I'm laying on my back, staring up at the deliciously curvaceous entity known as Princess Celestia, and I can feel one of Tia's hooves gently nudging my private place. I choke out a gasp, something along the lines of dear Luna, and grab for the exquisite white feathers protruding from the sun goddess's back, hoping to stimulate her to orgasm. There's no way that we can 69 each-other, what with our massive size difference, but between me stroking Tia's wings and Tia stroking my sex, I think we can manage. "Ohhhh godsssss, Twilight," coos Celestia, shivering madly against my ministrations. The only thing that keeps me from replying in kind is having occupied my mouth elsewhere; namely, on Tia's chestfur, licking and suckling and biting it gently, trying to take in all I can of my wonderful marefriend. She gives a small shriek every time I nibble on her, a wonderful, musical sound that makes me quiver all the harder, and her redoubled efforts on my pussy are making me whimper and groan as though I were possessed. The alabaster alicorn cranes her neck over, positioning her muzzle at the tip of my horn. By the time I realize what she's doing, it's too late for me to protest, and her tongue is already flicking across the highly sensitive surface of my horn, flitting in and out of the miniscule grooves like a moth on steroids. "Nuuh....ughhhh, Tia..." She opens her mouth and slowly, torturously slides the entire length of my horn inside, going up and down on it like she's giving a blowjob to a stallion. I pull one of my hooves away from her wings, biting down on it to stifle my guttural scream of pleasure, and try to not come right then and there. Suddenly, without warning, the Princess draws back. "I'm...going to...go...down on you...Twilight...okay?" She scoots off of me, and I instantly miss the blissful feel of her burning flesh pressing against mine. Trailing her tongue down my stomach, she quickly arrives at the junction of my legs, and, after a moment's hesitation, starts giving me oral. She smothers my poor little vagina with her muzzle, slipping in and out of my purplish folds, slurping at my love button, sweeping her tongue across my inner walls. It feels like my head is about to explode. My moaning's become almost constant, and in hopes of keeping this pleasure going on forever, my hooves have become intertwined in Celestia's tricolor mane, holding in her place. It's too much for me, I realize. I can't hold it back anymore. "Ah...ah, fuck, fuck, Tia...I'm gonna...ahhhhhhhhhh!" My climax hits me with tremendous force, making my vision go black, my breathing shallow, and making everything in the world except for Celestia become unimportant. Small, bright fireworks dart around my brain for a minute or two, leaving a pleasant tingling behind wherever they go off. I am in heaven. I have died and gone to heaven, floating along through the puffy white clouds of ecstasy and burning brighter the sun could ever hope to burn. When I finally return to the land of the living, a dull unimportant place, Tia is staring up at me, smiling. And that makes it all worthwhile. "Did you...enjoy that?" she pants, her voice huskily grinding against my ears. "Yeah..." She's too far away for me to kiss her, which I want to do something terribly, so I use my magic to grab her by the horn and drag her forward. Our lips meet once more, and I can taste my own love juices on her tongue, sending a shiver down my spine and out through my rear hooves. I need to repay her for what she's just done. I break contact with the alabaster alicorn, moving my muzzle to her ear. "Let me...service you...now, Princess..." I pant. "Oh...Twili...I couldn't--" "No, I inciss..." I drag myself out from under her, nipping gently at her forehooves as I go, and roll over on my stomach. Celestia does the same, pushing her head up against a green metal trashcan and spreading her elegant white legs. The moment I catch a sight of her beautiful, glorious wetness, her musky, arousing scent drifting up to my nostrils, that's it. My self control withers away instantly, and I dive right in. "Gyahhh...ohh, Twilight..." The Princess bucks into my muzzle, but it doesn't bother me too much. I had expected her sex to taste like something along the lines of marshmallows, whipped cream, or really anything sugary sweet, but I couldn't have been more wrong. She tastes just like any other piece of flesh tastes--coppery, slightly tangy--and that somehow makes her juicy insides that much more tasty. I nibble gently on her outer lips, flickering my tongue across her open slit, and start slurping at her inner walls. I want to put my whole muzzle inside her, using it like a humongous dildo to bring her to the best orgasm of her her life, but I don't think I would be able to get it back out again. Celestia's moans ring loudly in my ears, and I can tell that she's almost there. I realize that I have to do something spectacular, something memorable, something that would make this absolutely mind blowing for her; and suddenly I notice that she has a clitoral piercing, a small, silver ring that looks like it would be very fun to play with. It's too small for me to hook my tongue through, sadly, so I bite down on her permanent piece of jewelry instead, tugging backwards with all my might and sending her past the point of no return. Celestia lets out something between a sob and primal scream, garbled far beyond pony comprehension. Her wings go straighter than a wooden board, straining against her back as they try to fly off on their own accord, and sparks explode from her lengthy horn, arcing up towards the heavens and burning a hole through the roof of the train station. Her love juices splash onto my face, temporarily blinding me and getting all over my horn and mane, and I let go of her clit ring, opening my mouth wide in hopes to catch some of the delicious nectar. By the time the fountain diminishes completely, going from a full force explosion to a slow trickle, I've had four swallows worth of yummy mare cum, and my tastebuds are begging me for more. After a minute or two, Tia comes around. "Oh...godsss...Twilight..." she pants, tongue hanging out of her mouth. "Juss come here an kiss me." I crawl up onto her stomach, complying with her request, and our lips engulf each-other once again, almost as if they're trying to fuse into one. When we finally, reluctantly break contact, I realize just how lucky I am to be with Princess Celestia. I lay my head down on her fluffy white chest, closing my eyes and enjoying the rhythmic thump-thump of her heartbeat. "You know what? says Celestia. "Mmm...what?" "We weren't even interrupted by Pinkie Pie." I chuckle lightly, opening my eyes. "Yeah, at least not yet." I shouldn't have said that. Almost as if on cue, Pinkie Pie leaps out of the rain, her puffy mane plastered to her forehead, a bright smile stretched across her face. Her huge, palm tree sunglasses clash greatly with her dark black lingerie, and a fuzzy set of handcuffs is locked around her right hoof, the other half dragging uselessly on the ground. She takes a moment to look us over, seemingly unfazed by the obvious fact that the two of us just had sex, and giggles. "Glad to see you guys had as much fun as I did!" I turn to Tia. "That can't be a coincidence." She nods. "Must be voice activated." Number 7: Go swimming in a giant swimming pool. Check. The owners of the swimming pool threatened to report us to the local authorities for breaking into their condo, however, so we only got to do two or three laps before we had to hightail it outta there. Number 206: Give graffiti a try, but make sure not to put it somewhere that might get you thrown in jail. Check. I'm starting to question the motives of the ponies who wrote this book. Number 81: Hold a drinking contest. Number 45: Dress up in silly outfits and walk around. Check. Now I have yet another reason to never return to Manehattan again. Number 157: Get a celebrity to give you his/her autograph. Check. Turns out that Fredrick Horshoepin was in town. 11:45. We're standing in line in Mr. Quickie's Go Mart, waiting to get up to the counter so we can pay for our bottle rocket building materials. The pony in front of us, a dark black colt called Taboo Markings--in case you're wondering how I know that, I saw him talking to somepony in his tattoo parlor earlier, and he used his full name--is buying a Tri-Wing Energy Drink, two boxes of oatmeal, and, if I'm not mistaken, a 6-pack of lace panties. When the cashier sees this last item, he gives a queer smirk, but scans it through anyways. "Whatever floats your boat, man." Taboo blushes, an action I am all too familiar with. "For your information," he growls, pulling out his wallet, "these are for my girlfriend. She's a little short on bits this month." The cashier nods, passing the bag of groceries back across the counter. "Suuure. Just make sure to lock the door behind you when you put these on." Taboo goes scarlet once again, then pushes his way out of the store, giving the cashier the phoenix on the way out. "Next customer, please." Tia and I step up to that counter. "You know," she says, plopping the baking soda down, "I think that was the colt that Pinks was telling me about." "Him? She knows him?" "Oh, yeah, sure. He looks exactly like the one that Pinks said she was pegging a couple of hours earlier. 'Black, hard outer shell, gooey, sissy center.'" I hold back a snicker. "Really? Thass how she described him?" "Yup. 'Cept she said he had a bite mark on his flank, an I couldn't tell if he had one or not." "Oh, it's definitely him," says the cashier, ringing up our ninety-nice cent bag of inflatable balloons. "Everypony on this street knows he's a sissy. Maragaret said she saw him with his mane in a ponytail, wearing pink frilly lingerie and a few other questionable things, walking around his apartment complex and calling himself 'Glaze.'" The earth pony shakes his head, lifting our bags off the rack and onto the counter. "Can't believe he still has a marefriend...anyhoo, thanks for stopping at Mr. Quickie's Go Mart." Number 130: Hold a limbo contest. Check. Pinkie Pie somehow slid under a .25 inch bar, thereby winning the contest, probably breaking a limbo world record or two, and continuing to baffle and confuse the entirety of Equestria and all it's inhabitants. Number 267: Take a group picture of everypony who attended your party. Check. Surprisingly, that one went off without a hitch. Number 9: Play a game of "Duck, Duck, Goose." Check. There were also a couple of racoons, some pigeons, and and turtle who showed up, but we didn't let them play. Number 23: Participate, or put on, a dance contest. Check. My right hoof is still sore from falling on it. "Alright, less see...who to dial..." After realizing that I probably shouldn't call one of my friends, somepony who could recognize my voice, I use my magic to punch in a random set of numbers. There's a moment of ringing on the other end of the line, then I hear heavy breathing. "Hellllooo," I say, slurring slightly. "Hello? Who is this?" "I'm having some trouble hearing youu, sirrr. I thinn my phone quality might not be working." "Well, what in Celestia's name do you want me to do about it?" "Couldja say a few test phrases for me?" There's a pause. "Alright. Then you'd better hang up." "I'm a tote." "'I'm a tote.'" "Ulba." "'Ulba.'" "Twad." "Oh, fuck me. I ain't falling for that shit again. You're gonna want me to say them all together, aren't you, and then you're gonna hang up on me when I say 'I'm a total butt wad,' aren't you?! ...Hello? H--" Click. Pinkie Pie and Celestia break out laughing. Number 155: Make up your own activity/event and write it in the box next to this one. --> Sit on a park bench and drink a Budwhinny. Check. For bonus points, I even threw up a little bit. Number 99: Invent a secret language to use with your close friends. Check. But I don't think I'll be using it again, seeing as it's too easy to confuse "pizza" with "dumb bucker." Number 21: Make funny faces and capture them on camera. Check. Here's one of the pictures that we got: It's raining again. I can see it out my window, coming down heavily on the train tracks in front of us, and it reminds me of mine and Tia's earlier fling on the other side of the city. (Different train station--this one's not old and decrepit like the one where me and my lover had sweet, blissful intercourse.) Just like last time, Turning 21 is open in my lap, but with many more items checked off than before. Princess Celestia is still sitting next to me, but now she's eating a bag of complimentary peanuts instead of some Chineighs food, and Pinkie Pie is stretched out in the seat to my right. I don't know what me me decide to want to go home. I wasn't getting tired of checking off things in my activity book. I didn't have any reason to be home by tommorow morning. I didn't set somepony's house on fire with a stray "COMBO-BREAKER 2000" firework. Tia was with me, sticking by my side wherever I went. I had no need to go back to Ponyville to meet up with her. In fact, if I went home right now, mine and Tia's life would only get worse. No, I really had no reason at all to go home. But I wanted to do it anyways. The train starts to take off, click-clacking gently as it starts its long journey back to Ponyville. As I look around, I realize that most of the passengers in this train car are either sleeping, listening to music on their iPonys, or reading a book, reminding me once again of just how late--or early--it is. "Hey, Tia," I say, nudging the alabaster alicorn. "What time's it?" Pinkie Pie speaks up, eyes still closed. "12: 50." "How do you know? You dinn even check a watch, or anything." "Twili," says the Princess, putting a hoof on my shoulder. "It's juss Pinkie Pie being Pinkie Pie. Let her sleep." "...Hmmph. Alright." I cross my hooves, leaning my head back against the window and closing my eyes. Pitter patter pitter patter click clack click clack pitter patter click patter pitter clack pitter patter click patter--the sounds all blur into one, overlaping and becoming white noise in the background. The words "pillow" and "nap" sound like commands descended directly for the stars themselves, I realize, and I can tell I'm falling asleep. I lean my head over on Celestia, nuzzling her neck gently with my muzzle, taking extra care not to poke her with my horn. And I sleep. Author's Note If you got the joke about "it's a beautiful night, we're looking for something dumb to do," then I'll give you a cookie.
