Celestia's Anger Translator
Celestia's Anger Translator
Chapter 1
In the past few years, several technological advancements have fallen on equestria thanks to the new trade agreement with the griffins. As the technology began to advance at a startling rate, the number one new product was the television, a box able to display moving pictures with sound. With them, equestria's inhabitants would be able to watch entertaining, educating, and infor-mating channels on this glorious new product.
However a slight downside to this product came with the hurting of political ponies images. Take Mayor Mare for instance; for years she'd been known as a stiff neck, and while she was very compassionate in person, when she appeared on camera, she always looked ready for a business meeting and had a hard time loosening up. Thus with fear that her attitude would cause her to loose the upcoming election, she decided to take action.
To fix this, Mayor Mare decided to hire someone to translate the passion in her words, and thus began a series of incidents where Mayor Mare's 'anger translator' gave the audience a look into the ruler's inner thoughts. These are videotapes depicting several of these incidents.
Viewer Discretion is advised.
*Static before cutting to Mayor Mare's office*
Ponyville's mayor sat in a nice chair, her face locked in a calm facade as she appeared to hold the look of one of the royal guards. Behind her was the royal equestrian flag and a small fireplace, a warm fire going on. This was the usual scene for the mayors weekly address to her people.
Clearing her throat, she earth pony spoke out in her usual camera/business voice (I.E. stiff and full of little emotion). "Good evening my fellow Equestrians. Now before we begin, I'd just like to say that I know that a lot of people out there seem to think that I don't get angry... That's just not true. I get angry a lot. It's just that the way I express passion is different from most. So, just so there's no more confusion, I hired Pinkamena Diane Pie here to be my anger translator."
The camera slowly zoomed out to show the now serious and oddly enough business looking Pinkie pie. With her mane down and a business suit on, the usual party pony had a serious look in her eye and an almost threatening scowl on her face.
"Say hi Pinkie," came the mayors voice as she motioned for the earth pony to say her introduction.
"Hi..." the way Pinkie said it, it almost sounded like a hiss, as the voice carried out into the small microphone attached to the ponies suit.
Now that that was out of the way, the mayor cleared her throat once more and began to go into her breakdown of the last weak. "Now, concerning the developments in the Everfree forest, I just want to reinforce my support for all people and their right to living a free life."
This issue had sparked after it was discovered that some timber wolves actually had sentient intelligence and were able to communicate. Apparently they found it offensive that equestrians had taken some of their less intelligent ones and treated them like pets and attractions at zoo's. The wolves had swiftly attacked a town several miles away from ponyville and killed several ponies in protest for the 'injustice of their brethren.'
As soon as that piece left her mouth, Pinkie jumped in to 'translate' what the mayor was really saying.
"Hey, all you timer wolves out there? Keep messin' around and see what happens. Just see what happens!" taking a step towards the camera, she seemed to almost challenge the audience to try to argue with her. Once her piece was said, she moved back behind her bosses chair to await her next chance.
Not even missing a beat, the mayor went into her next piece of information to give out to the audience. "Also, to the Red Claw and Tunnel Rose diamond dog packs, I once again urge you to cease your tunneling close to our towns boarders."
Pinkie stepped in and began to once again move towards the camera, her hoof pointed at the camera as if pointed at the face of the diamond dogs leader. "Hey? Blood Coat? High Baller? I thought I told you to eighty-six your S
T! Or I'm a come over there and so it for y'all!" Once again, her piece said she moved behind her bosses chair to await the next piece. However as she did so, she threw out one more threat at the diamond dog leaders. "Please test me! And see what happens!"
One had to give the mayor credit, as she didn't even blink at the fact that Pinkie had just made death threats on the leaders of two powerful diamond dog packs. So with nothing so say, she went onto the next piece of news.
"On the domestic front, I just want to say to my critics, I hear your voices, and I'm aware of your concerns."
"SO MAYBE IF YOU CHILL THE HELL OUT FOR A SECOND, I CAN FOCUS ON SOME ST!" Pinkie only seemed to be getting louder and more excited as she continued to express what her boss was feeling.
"That includes everyone, including the members of the sparkle party."
The sparkle party was a fairly new political party founded by twilight sparkle depicting a return to monarchy values. in other words, turning the governments power over to the princess. Oddly enough, there seemed to be a lot of political pull with this idea and it looked like this party would be the big player in the next election.
"OH don't even get me started on these MERS right here!" Walking off screen and sprouting off sever incomprehensible things about the party, viewers were unable to determine if the things being said were the mayors views of Pinkies own views.
Continuing as Pinkie walked off screen, the mayor continued to lay about her opinion on the matter. "I want to ensure you that we will be looking for compromises with the monarchy and your own party in the months ahead."
As that sentence finished, Pinkie walked across the screen, exasperation in her voice as she continued on with her tangent. "You know these Mers are gonna say no before I can even suggest some st!"
As she disappeared off to the right of the screen, Mayor Mare continued on. "Now, I know, that a lot of folks say, that I haven't done a lot to communicate my actions with the public."
Pinkies head suddenly popped up and took over the screen. "Because ya'll mers don't listen!" her voice sounded as if she was scolding the public for criticizing their leader when it was their own fault. Once that was done, she lowered herself off the screen.
Now that some of the harder stuff was out of the way, the mayor could try to incorporate what she'd done for the public. Already memorizing a list of what she'd done, she began to list a few things off, pinkie interrupting after every accomplishment to give the audience their mayors actual thoughts on the matters.
"Since being in office, I've had a part in creating over three hundred new jobs."
"THREE! HUNDRED!"
"my administration helped end the clashes with the changelings."
"WE ENDED A WAR! Remember that y'all? WE! ENDED! A! WAR! remember that?"
"I instituted a new insurance policy for damages done to property involving the elements 'adventures'"
"I GAVE YOU PEOPLE MONEY! WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT?!"
"These achievements should act as a reminder to all that I am on your side and am trying to help you."
Pinkie pie pulled out a megaphone behind her back and seemed to shout to the heavens her message.
"I AM NOT A CHANGELING!" Indeed, after the conflict with the changelings, for a while people had suspicions that the mayor was a changeling and that her ending the war was because she was on the changelings side. While not believed as widely today since she had the revealing spell preformed on her, there was still a few nutcases out there who thought she still was one (*cough*Lyra*cough*).
As the crackle and siren of the megaphone died down and the device was thrown off screen, the Mayor continued her speech.
"and that my intentions, as your mayor, are coming from the right place."
"WHICH IS IN TROTTINGHAM, WHICH IS WHERE I AM FROM, WHICH IS IN EQUESTRIA, OK?!?! THIS IS RIDICULES!!! I TOOK A REVEALING SPELL!!!! I TOOK A REVEALING SPELL! I TOOK A HOT DIGGITY DAMN M*ING REVEALING SPELL YA DUMB ASS PONIES!!!"
That last comment seemed to have the mayor act quickly as she calmly called out Pinkies name. "Pinkie, Pinkie, calm down"
This also was translated as Pinkie pointed a hoof at herself and muttered off a quick piece. "Rope it in pinkie, faust damn..."
The mayor, now glad that was out of the way, decided to finish off the night. "In conclusion, last night I sat down with Princess Cadence who-" The mayor was cut off as Pinkie loudly whispered her translation over the chair.
"I sense bh~"
That immediately had the mayor backpedaling as she tried to correct what Pinkie had just said. "Nope. I did not say that, I did not say that." this would be one of the few times that the mayor looked like her business face had shattered as she tried to distance herself from that comment. A weak "I did not say that," was heard from Pinkie before one last shot of the mayors bewildered face was shown on camera and the transmission ended.
This wouldn't be the last time Pinkie was shown on camera with the mayor as the boost in ratings she got from that one transmission was enough to keep the pink party pony about.
CHAPTER END
A.N. Now obviously, this is a ponified broadcast of the first Key and Peele Obama sketch. I personally love their work and hope that you will discover their work on youtube after reading this story if you have no idea what this is based off of. Hope you have a nice nice day, keep goin and stay golden^^
Watch video this was based off of here
