Immortal Suffering: Laughter's Final Requiem
My name is Pinkamena Diane Pie. I started life as a simple rock farmer but thanks to an amazing event that I later learned more about I left that life behind and started a new one for myself in a town called Ponyville. Over the years I met new friends, became the element of laughter, saved Equestria, loved, lost, and throughout it all, I spread joy to everypony I met. I was happy with my life. I accepted that one day I would grow old, that I would throw my final party, that I would die, that I would become nothing more then a memory, and that I would finally be forgotten. I knew these things and I knew that I would have to celebrate every moment. I would have to spread joy, happiness and laughter to everypony I met no matter what the circumstances were. I accepted the life I would live and I enjoyed every second of it. There were good times and there were bad times but nothing prepared me for when I discovered something that shook the foundation of my being.
I was spending time with my five closest friends. We had been together for years and the years were finally starting to show on all of us. All of us except for me. Every day I was told how lucky I was that I kept my youth for so long, that I kept my energy and my happiness. I was content for awhile. I figured I would begin to age soon but then Fluttershy died. She was attacked by a manticore that wouldn't calm down and she was poisoned. She died at the age of 50, a respectable age but still far to young. I locked myself in my room after her funeral and celebration of her life; putting all of my party preparations on hold. It was just a few months ago when we celebrated her 50th birthday and even a month after she died we were still in mourning. Somepony made sure to tend to her cottage and animals and soon it expanded and became a wildlife rescue. The name it was given was the Fluttershy Rescue and nopony could have asked for a better name. As time went on the wounds healed and we managed to move on.
The years had been kind to Rainbow Dash. She joined and retired from the Wonderbolts, fell in love with and got married to her Idol Soarin and started a family. Even though she moved to Cloudsdale she always made time to come visit. It was on one of these visits when she got into an argument with Applejack on who had the most youth left in them. Rising to the challenge as she always did, Dashie, my best friend and fellow prankster took to the sky and plummeted back towards the earth in an attempt to pull of her Sonic Rainboom. At the age of 60 nopony thought she could pull it off but she did. She pulled it off and died the moment she hit the ground from being unable to pull up fast enough. She left this world with one final bang that could be seen all the way to her home in Cloudsdale. Her two foals, now both grown and playing with foals of their own outside, pointed it out to their foals when they saw it. Soarin was on his way to ponyville to meet up with Rainbow Dash for a night out, just the two of them, for the first time in weeks. He watched in horror as his loving mare pulled off her trademark Sonic Rainboom just a little to close to the ground. When he arrived at the scene and saw how broken his wife's body was he fell into a state of endless tears. By the time somepony came to collect Rainbow Dash his heart had already stopped. They tried to revive him but we knew that he didn't want to come back. He and Rainbow Dash loved each other with all their hearts, and so his heart died with her.
The next to go was Applejack. Nopony thought she would die at the age of 74 since her grandmother lived to be 132, old even by unicorn standards. She died tending the farm that she loved so much and it was at her funeral when I and my remaining friends realized that I still had not begun to show my age. After Rainbow Dash died we began to drift apart. Applejack blamed herself and refused to talk to anypony for a years. She was always busy with the farm and gave up on finding a special somepony years ago when not only Big Mac but Applebloom found love. Children and grandchildren were a common sight at the farm and more farm houses were built to accommodate the ever growing Apple family that lived there. After a particularly harsh winter Applejack got sick and despite everything she never got better. She died peacefully after falling asleep one last time, surrounded by family.
Things remained fairly quiet for a few years. I continued to defy all logic and keep my youthful vigor. Twilight had sent for the best unicorn mages to run tests on me to find out what was going on but nothing came from them. Giving up, Twilight had just said, "Just Pinkie being Pinkie". The last thing thing I remember her saying was how lucky I was to have such unheard of longevity. She died in an experiment gone wrong just a few days after her 100th birthday. Spike nearly went insane after how she died. He had to be exiled from Equestria because of all the damage he was causing. I still miss him and wish he could have at least left on better terms but as I had learned over the past few decades nothing in life is perfect.
I was still under the assumption that I would eventually die. In some ways I was hopeful it would be soon because the loss of my friends has taken its toll on me. On the outside I still laughed, I still smiled, but on the inside I was dead to the world. All the time I spent along was spent in misery. It wouldn't be a strange sight for Sugarcube Corner to close for a few days at a time. The cakes had died years ago and their kids Pound and Carrot turned out to be headed for bigger and better things then a simple bakery. Rarity came by now and then. Usually whenever I reopened the bakery after a few days. As I fell further and further into my depression I did the only think I knew how to in a time like this and partied. It helped but it was an empty feeling. I couldn't bear to leave Ponyville, the town that has been my home for nearly 100 years. As I lay awake at night I can't help but think back to my friends, to all the fun times we had. I thought about the adventures, the enemies we faced, the troubles we pulled through. I thought about the bad times when we fought, when we almost lost who we were because of Discord. Every night as I lay awake I found myself reliving all my memories; my perfectly kept memories.
It almost came as a surprise to me when Rarity died at the age of 114. I knew her health has been deteriorating but I had no idea that one day she would just collapse and never again get up. With the death of my last friend something in me changed. I became bitter and hateful, I became quiet and rude, my mane and tail went straight and stayed there. On that day, the day my last friend died, the laughter in me died. I walked around town that day reminiscing on times long past. Traces of my friends still lived on. Each of them left their mark on society and each of them were still remembered. Ponies greeted me wherever I went, each of them knowing me for my parties. Most of the ponies that greeted me were the children of the children of the ponies I met when I first lived in town. I saw three young fillies running around trying to find their place in life and smiled at how some things never change. It was the first smile I felt in a long time. I knew I couldn't stay depressed forever so I decided to dedicate myself to spreading joy across the world. I went to the town hall and put up help wanted signs for the bakery. I put three signs up, one for a manager, and two for bakers.
It took me a total of three days to select the ponies who would run the bakery for me while I traveled. I explained to them what my plans were and why I finally decided to hire somepony after so many years of running it alone. It took me a week to train the three of them and once I was satisfied I boarded the next train to Canterlot. When I arrived I immediately went to see the princesses and explain to them what I would be doing until the day I died and that's when they dropped the mother of all surprises on me. They explained to me my immortality.
My friends and I had entertained the fact that I might just be immortal, that I wasn't a regular pony. With some of the things I can do It wouldn't surprise me. But when Celestia herself looked me in the eye and explained why and how I was immortal there was only one thing I could do; I sat down and cried. I cried and refused to eat anything for the next two days. On the third day I couldn't stand the pain any more so I went to the kitchen to get something to eat. I stayed in this cycle of eating only when I couldn't bear the pain any longer and crying endlessly for a full week before Celestia decided enough was enough. She talked to me, listened to me, and most importantly she comforted me. She brought food with her every time she visited me and forced me to eat. As the days turned into weeks I began to feel alive again. All the pain and sadness was slowly leaving me and I had never felt better. After three months of therapy I felt good as new for the first time since before Fluttershy died and I decided it was time to start off on my quest. I told Celestia what I had planned to do and she loved the idea so much she gave me more then enough bits to fund my idea.
It took me one year but Pinkie Pie's Party Pony Patrol was finally ready to spread joy across the nation. The first party the P5 held was our very own "Glad we're finally opened" party. Ponies from all over Canterlot came and even a few Ponies from other towns. With the Canter lot branch of the P5 fully functional I went to the next city on my list, Fillydelphia. This branch also took a year to complete and in that year the Canterlot branch saw huge success. I fought off Ponies who wanted to build a branch in their own town because I knew it just wouldn't be right if I wasn't there myself to build and shape it. My life went on like this for 17 years. Building, and moving on, making friends and saying goodbye. The last place on my stop was my old home of Ponyville. I chose this as the last stop because I wanted my journey to end in the same place it began. After spending a few days catching up with ponies I hardly recognized I decided to get right to work. The P5 needed an official HQ and the one in Canterlot was only designed to be temporary.
A full two decades after I had began, my dream of creating a group dedicated to spreading joy across Equestria was finally fulfilled. With the opening of the P5 Equestrian HQ everything had finally come full circle. I had lots of really good ponies to take care of day to day operations and even the branches I opened in smaller towns were making bits. I tried to pay the Princess back but she refused. Realizing it was pointless to keep trying I told the Canterlot branch that all partied requested by the Princesses would be free of charge unless there was a dire need for the funds, and if the Princesses demanded to pay to settle on the lowest possible amount. When I finished my dream and I was finally able to sit back and relax. With all my worries settled and all my dreams fulfilled, my memories came back to haunt me again. I cried for a full day refusing all visitors before I finally dried my eyes. I knew how much my friends would have loved to see my work. I knew that if it wasn't for her accident Twilight would still be alive and well and I knew that everypony would hate to see me acting this way so soon after finishing the biggest task I ever had.
I decided to spend the day at Sugarcube Corner. The group of ponies that now ran the place had all fallen in love with life at the bakery and even sold their homes since they found themselves sleeping in the rooms of the bakery more and more. Those three working together reminded me of my time with the Cakes. All those happy days of baking, having fun with my friends, and hosting parties or pulling a prank. They welcomed me into the bakery, taking a break so we could catch up and I decide then and there that it was time for me to pass on the torch of Sugarcube Corner. I go up to my room and find the deed hidden safely away in a box my closet.
When I get back downstairs I say a little speech about how much they mean to me, how much the bakery means to me, and then when I pull the deed out of the box and hand it to Frosty Heart, the manager I chose all those years ago, he nearly faints. It never occurred to him that he might actually own the bakery one day and I couldn't have been happier to give it to him. I left the bakery with promises to stop by for a visit soon and returned to my new life as the owner and operator of the P5.
Life went on like this for me. Running the P5, keeping in touch with whatever group ran Sugarcube Corner, going on a trip to help out the other branches when needed or even if there was an especially big party being planned that I felt just needed that personal touch to it. I expanded my business to other countries, to new towns and cities, I made sure to spread the wealth the P5 gained over the years, never keeping more then what was needed to cover expenses and disasters. The P5 grew and grew and soon we decided it was time to expand the HQ. Over the years the P5 had become known for more then just parties. We put bits towards research, disaster relief, anything that we felt could use a helping hoof. We invented new forms of entertainment and P5 became known as the entertainment capital of the world. I was happy that my dream had come so far but as I celebrated the P5's 200th anniversary I realized that I was becoming tired.
It took me longer to wake up each day and the sun didn't seem to shine as brightly as it did before. I decided it was time for me to go on my once a year visit to spend a week with Celestia and Luna. As the years ticked by I steadily became closer and closer to the princesses. So much so that I called them by name and they called me Pinkie like all my other friends. What started out as a single visit for a few days became a second, and then a visit every ten years, then every five, then every other year. Now, 200 years later we always made plans to spend a week together, or as much of it as possible for two princesses. 100 years ago I convinced Celestia to create a group of ponies that could handle the bulk of Equestria's needs. Every pony that served in the council of harmony as it came to be called was hoof picked by Celestia herself. There were 6 members and the group mimicked my own group of friends lost to me so long ago.
Two pegasi, two unicorns, and two earth ponies. Each of them were picked because they perfectly represented one of the elements of harmony. The element of laughter, an earth pony by the name of Sparkler, had been brought to the P5's orphanage. As he grew up he began to mimic my own personality more and more and once he became an adult I realized I had developed feelings for him in more then a motherly way. Even though I was his auntie Pinkie he felt the same way about me. The two of us were kindred spirits and the time I spent with him was the best time of my life. The day he was offered a position on the council of harmony he accepted it without a second thought. I was sad to see him leave the P5 but he didn't leave my life. I decided then and there that I would move with him to Canterlot.
We were given a room at the castle and I began to spend more time with the princesses. We made time for trips every weekend and constantly ate meals together. I spent as much time as I could with Sparkler knowing he wouldn't be there forever and then one day on an impromptu walk through the palace gardens he proposed. I had never been happier then that day. I was over 300 years old and getting married for the first time. The entire world seemed a little bit brighter each and every day and I redoubled my efforts in the P5. There had never been a bigger party then the day we were married. Celestia even declared the date a national holiday since so many ponies would be attending the festivities.
Every P5 branch in the entire world had parties planned on the day of the wedding, and the day Sparkler and I would come to visit. Our honeymoon was to be a world tour visiting each and every branch of the P5. We both had ponies to fulfill our daily tasks and thanks to the advancement in communication technology we were both nothing more then a call away from Ponies who might need us. The route we would take mimicked the order in which the P5 buildings were build with one exception. The trip would start and end in ponyville. The trip took close to a year and it was the best honeymoon ever.
As time went on Sparkler Pie grew old. He retired from the council of harmony and instead elected to spend every waking moment with me and I couldn't have been happier. The only sour note was that, despite everything we tried, I could never seem to become pregnant. We tried time and time again using every trick known to pony kind but soon enough it was discovered that I was no longer fertile. We cried together for days after that. Mourning the fact that I could never know the joys of being an honest to goodness mother.
When Sparkler passed away 60 years later I had never been more depressed. Even though I was ready for it, even though I promised not to forget the important things in life, I became depressed. Life lost its meaning to me and everything I did reminded me of Sparkler. I thought I would be ready for it, I thought I could handle the loss but I was dead wrong. I barricaded myself in my home and stayed locked away for a month. I would have stayed longer but Celestia came knocking in force. When she saw me she broke out in tears. Earlier that day I had decided to end it all so I did the only thing I could think of and stabbed myself in the heart. At the time I didn't know how I could have possibly lived.
By all rights I should have been dead but all it did was cause me more pain. I laid in my own pool of blood waiting for the cold embrace of death but all I found was the warm embrace of the sun as Celestia patched my wound and cleaned my coat. At the time I'm certain she thought I was dead because when I spoke up she cried out in horror before composing herself. In the days that followed more tests were run on me and it was discovered that my body was made of pure magical energy. As long as I had magic around me, I would remain ageless and eternal.
I continued to live on but In truth I died with Sparkler days became weeks, weeks became months and months became years. Years even began to pass faster and faster and soon enough I was celebrating my 1000th birthday. Equestria had entered into a new age. It was a golden age of total peace and harmony. Crime was unheard of thanks to the efforts of the P5, the princesses, and the council of harmony. Any and all fighting took place within a virtual reality simulator that had been created by the P5. That advancement alone brought the world into a new realm. Friends and lovers once separated by distances only had to go to their local P5 branch and log into Chaos Trance, named in honor of Discord because of how it could sometimes mimic the Chaos he himself brought to Equestria.
As the years went by we eventually came to realize just how important Discord was. Harmony without chaos is impossible and so the only way to have a world of harmony is to have a land of chaos. Everypony was more then happy to have the land of chaos be nothing more then a digital world. Thrill seekers that didn't enjoy harmony flocked to the game and some were hired on to provide some semblance of order when it was needed. There were some problems that came with the game. Addiction was a big one but as usual the P5 prevailed and we perfected everything.
It was just after my 1500th birthday when something amazing happened. For the past 200 years the P5 had been working on one final step in the perfection of harmony. Ponies were encouraged to rise above the need for currency. The first few decades were hard and someponies took advantage of others but eventually those types were rooted out. Greed became a thing of the past, crime was no longer a word and evil had been eradicated. All the misfortune in the world now took place in the digital lands of Chaos Trance. None of it came out of the game though; if something bad happened in the game ponies would just sign off and do something else. Thanks to a program started by the P5 a few hundred years ago, even special talents were being found faster then before.
I decided that the legacy the CMCs left wasn't enough to do them justice so I created a youth group that all the little ponies could join. As time went on the group became larger and soon enough the new CMCs became something everypony would join. A pony joined as soon as they turned 3 and stayed at least until they got their cutiemark. Some, and eventually most, even stayed until they were done with school and the CMCs would help them find a job that matched their talent.
Time continued on for me and all my accomplishments faded into the background. My house was covered in pictures of friends but none were more important then the images of Sparkler and my ponyville friends from long ago. I had been in a slump, mourning the fact that my magically dependent body would never falter when it hit me. About 2000 years of life and never before did it occur to me that if I were to go to a place devoid of magic that maybe, just maybe, I would grow old and die. I stood with a shock at my newest realization and ran out to begin preparing everything I would need for my newest venture.
The planning took a few weeks. I found the place where Zecora's old hut once stood and had it rebuilt as closely as I could remember it. I set in motion everything that would be needed for the P5 to continue on after I left. I hardly had any actual duties left these days and I couldn't have been happier. Most of my time was spent in the orphanage, helping out with the CMCs or giving a party that special Pinkie Pie touch. Feeling content that everything would be taken care of I leave a short message in my home saying where I went and why. I knew it would take some time for me to grow old and die. But I was happy that I finally would. I wished I had thought of this when Sparkler was still around but I realize that if I had died then, none of what we had today would be around. My only hope was that when I did pass on, everypony would continue to smile.
When I arrived at my new home for an unknown time I settled in quickly. I felt unusually tired and so I decided to eat and go right to sleep. I continued like this for a few days before I became bored with the monotony and decided it was about time for me to write my story. Looking back, I'm proud of the life I lived and my only hope is that the world still laughs without me. Celestia and Luna visit me weekly. Every day I continue to write my thoughts down and as my mane and coat turn gray I am at peace with myself. My time is coming and my only hope is that my Requiem is filled with...
----------------------------------------------------------5000 years later-----------------------------------------
A small pink alicorn with a curly mane read the inscription at the bottom of the parchment that help Pinkie Pie's final words. "Pinkie Diane Pie died at the age of 2127 in a cottage in the Everfree forest. Even though the forest no longer exists the location has been immortalized as the resting place of the single greatest bringer of harmony to ever live."
A regal, motherly voice could be heard calling from a distance. "Pinkrose it's time to go! We need to get back to Canterlot before it's time for me to lower the sun." The young Alicorn took one last look at the museum in Ponopolis, and ran off to find the sun goddess. She wanted to visit the area where Ponyville was before it grew into the sprawling city that existed today but it would have to wait.
"Auntie, can you tell me about my family?"
Celestia smiles and thinks for a minute, calling memories up from depths unknown. "Well my little Pinkie, it all started 5000 years ago when a very special pony sacrificed herself one last time..."
Author's Note
Well... I can't believe I actually wrote this thing. I'm sorry if the little "happy ending" bit ruins the story for some of you but My mood had improved quite a bit by the time I finished writing this so I felt compelled to put that in there. I hope you guys enjo- err... receive the desired reaction... from this. I know I did.
