Ingress: Vacation

Lionel sighed faintly nursing a cup of black coffee in one hand and flipping hash browns with the other.

The sun was just barely peeking over the horizon, shining an orange glow on the frosted glass windows. The entire complex was completely silent save for the soft hiss of the cooking hash browns.

Lionel stared glumly down at the hash browns, eyes fixated, spacing out entirely.

Once the hash browns were a good golden-brown, Lionel flipped them all out into a small basket designed to hold breakfast foods. With that done, he frowned and turned towards the fridge, sighing and beginning to dig out a generous helping of fruit.

Lionel knocked on the door for a second time, frowning deeply.

“If you don’t open the door, I’m opening it myself,” Lionel called out, knocking again.

After a solid minute of waiting, he shook his head and lifted his pendant. The door clicked, and Lionel pushed it open, stepping inside.

“Go away!” Rainbow Dash said from the bed voice muffled.

Lionel arched an eyebrow, holding up the bowl. “I brought you breakfast.”

“I’m not hungry,” Rainbow Dash said, throwing a pillow at him. Her stomach growled in disagreement.

Lionel rolled his eyes, shaking his head and sitting on the end of the bed.

Rainbow Dash was splayed out across the entire length of it, head hidden underneath one of the pillows.

Lionel picked up a piece of pineapple, popping it into his mouth and chewing at it happily. “Welp, I’ll just sit here and eat it without you, then.”

Rainbow Dash gave a muffled growl, holding out a hoof.

Lionel placed a cube of watermelon on her hoof. She withdrew her hoof under the pillow.

“C’mon, come out here,” Lionel said, patting the bed beside her. “We need to talk and you can’t just run away.”

“The windows are plate glass or I would have thrown myself out them already,” Rainbow Dash said dryly.

“Come on,” Lionel said, pursing his lips and tugging at one of her wings firmly.

Rainbow Dash growled faintly, reluctantly sliding her head out from under the pillow.

Lionel started in surprise.

Rainbow Dash’s eyes were still rimmed faintly with red, and her pupils looked sluggish. She looked tired, and haggard, and there was a series of lines down her face, likely from crying in various different positions over the early morning.

“Jesus,” Lionel said with a shake of his head. He placed the bowl of fruit down in front of her, and then stepped away into the bathroom, returning with a moist washer.

Rainbow Dash was glumly eating a slice of pear, sniffling faintly and rubbing her nose with a hoof.

Lionel frowned, kneeling at the edge of the bed and lightly grasping her cheek, beginning to gently stroke the moist washcloth over her cheeks and around her eyes, cleaning up some of the tear trails.

“Did you even sleep?” Lionel asked blankly, scrubbing gently through her fur.

Rainbow Dash frowned deeply and then shook her head. “No. No I didn’t.”

Lionel sighed and shook his head slightly. “Spitfire said you’re never going to just come out and say that you like me.”

“She’s correct,” Rainbow Dash said stiffly.

Lionel pursed his lips. “Why do you have to be so stubborn?”

“Because you screwed Spitfire. You knew I’d hate it and you did it anyway!” Rainbow Dash growled, biting viciously through a piece of apple.

“Yeah, half because you said that we’re ‘just friends with benefits’ so I went about the fastest, and most fun way possible, of proving said point,” Lionel said tartly.

Rainbow Dash snorted once.

“Oh come on, you’re the one that said we’re ‘just friends’. And claimed to only be using me for sex,” Lionel said simply. “Are you allergic to relationships?”

“You don’t understand relationships,” Rainbow Dash said bluntly.

“This coming from the pony that is trying her very best to pretend like she doesn’t like me while she gets insanely, violently jealous when I’m with someone else,” Lionel said smugly.

“What do you want from me?” Rainbow Dash asked suddenly, looking up directly into his eyes, almost challengingly.

Lionel blinked once. “A few blowjobs here and there… I wouldn’t mind fucking you up on the roof sometime with the wind in our hair. I’d also like to get you alone in the shower again,” he said thoughtfully, scratching his chin.

Rainbow Dash’s eyes narrowed slowly. “And then what?”

“And then what… what?” Lionel asked, perplexed.

Rainbow Dash arched an eyebrow, wings fluttering angrily. “Are you going to marry me?”

Lionel spluttered. “What?!”

“Well?” Rainbow Dash asked blankly, staring at him. “Are you going to marry me? Or are you going to dump me when you’re done with me? Do you intend on marrying me?”

“I… I’m not even equipped for this conversation right now,” Lionel said shaking his head and rubbing his forehead. “I haven’t slept, and you sound insane.”

“Every relationship either ends in abject failure or marriage. The best we could possibly, ever hope for, is that we’re married forever and we die before the other,” Rainbow Dash said bluntly. “And the one that remains will have to deal with losing their partner.”

“That is the most insane, pessimistic bullshit I have ever heard,” Lionel said, shaking his head.

“But it’s the truth,” Rainbow Dash said, pressing forwards. “We either break up, or we get married and die of old age together. That’s the best possible outcome.”

“How can you even… what kind of outlook is that?” Lionel asked plaintively. “Are you really that dense?”

Rainbow Dash looked momentarily like she might bite him. “I used to lay awake watching Soarin sleep and it was all I could think about. It’s just… it’s better to be friends, because then we can’t break up or have to get married.”

“My god,” Lionel said, facepalming slowly. “You have some of the worst misconceptions I have ever seen.”

“I do not. I’m practical,” Rainbow Dash said simply.

“You’re stupid,” Lionel retorted.

Rainbow Dash swung a hoof at him, and Lionel leaned backwards, letting it sail past his shoulder.

“Look, I get where you’re coming from, but you’re looking at it entirely wrong,” Lionel said, shaking his head slowly. “Why do you put so much sugar in your coffee?”

“Because I like the taste?” Rainbow Dash asked bluntly. “Why not?”

“See? That!” Lionel said, pointing at her. “That right there! How does the cognitive dissonance not drive you fucking insane?”

Rainbow Dash arched an eyebrow slowly.

“Okay, granted, you’re already kind of insane. But still. If the coffee is going to end up either in your stomach or tipped down the sink when it goes cold, why bother adding sugar?” Lionel asked simply.

“Because I won’t drink it if it’s too bitter,” Rainbow Dash said, pursing her lips.

“But why wouldn’t you drink it if it’s bitter?” Lionel pressed. “After all, it either ends up in your stomach or in the sink. There’s no in between.”

“Because I don’t enjoy it,” Rainbow Dash retorted bluntly.

“Exactly!” Lionel said, making a sweeping motion with a hand. “You want to enjoy it. You don’t sit there agonizing about how the coffee will either end up in your stomach or in the sink. You just drink the fucking thing.”

“Why are you patronizing me?” Rainbow Dash asked darkly.

“Because you’re being fucking stupid,” Lionel retorted.

“How is this being stupid?!” Rainbow Dash asked, growling, rising to her hooves angrily.

“Because it’s patently bullshit,” Lionel furthered. “Why would you bother doing anything, anywhere, if you know that everything inevitably ends in death? If you honestly believe that, your life would be the most pointless, boring thing ever.”

“Well it’s the truth,” Rainbow Dash said bluntly. “And nothing you say will convince me otherwise.”

“So,” Lionel asked, holding her gaze steadily. “If we were in a relationship for ten years, and then we broke up, would that mean that it wasn’t worth it?”

Rainbow Dash snorted once. “It would be a monumental break up after ten years.”

“Of course. It would be biblical,” Lionel said with a grin. “Yelling, screaming, domestic violence, broken windows, smashed vases, car lit on fire. Plus whatever I do.”

Rainbow Dash pursed her lips.

“But ten years. How can you justify giving up ten years for a break up?” Lionel asked simply.

“I… I can’t,” Rainbow Dash admitted, giving a long sigh and resting her nose on her forehooves, biting her bottom lip. “But I just… I just can’t stop thinking about it. It’s always there in the back of my mind. Marriage, break-up, or death.”

“That’s so fucking bleak,” Lionel said, amazed. “I wouldn’t be able to function if I looked at relationships like that.”

“Pretty much describes my social life,” Rainbow Dash admitted.

Lionel sighed, shaking his head slowly. “If you just focus on the end of it, you’ll never enjoy it. Do you only think of the end of the race when you’re flying?”

Rainbow Dash shook her head. “No, I have to think about the pacing and turns and such.”

“And enjoying the moment,” Lionel pointed out. “You’re not just thinking ‘I’ll either win or lose’ and nothing else matters.”

“Doesn’t stop me from laying awake thinking about it,” Rainbow Dash admitted with a deep sigh, deflating. “You can’t fix me, Lionel. I’m just… I’m not built for relationships.”

“You threw scalding coffee over me because I slept with someone else,” Lionel said bluntly.

Rainbow Dash snorted once. “I get jealous.”

“And yet you still think it would be best if we remained ‘just friends’?” Lionel asked.

Rainbow Dash nodded. “Yes. It would be better. All of the benefits, none of the problems.”

Lionel sighed, hanging his head slightly. “Look. Okay, so.” he paused a moment, ordering his thoughts. “So this young man goes to this wise old man, and asks him ‘old man, how do I live my life?’.”

“Is this going to be some lame moral story from your bibble?” Rainbow Dash asked flatly.

Lionel shushed her. “No, it’s from a philosophy book, now shush! Anyway, the old man said ‘okay, meet me at the Louvre tomorrow morning, bring a spoon and some syrup.”

“What’s the Louvre?” Rainbow Dash asked plaintively.

“Big artsy building. Filled with lots of famous artwork,” Lionel explained. “Anyway, the young man shows up with the spoon and syrup, and the old man pours some syrup on the spoon, and then sends him off to walk all over the Louvre, from one end to the other, all of the stairs and hallways and exhibits and stuff. Except he’s not allowed to spill a single drop of syrup.”

“This sounds totally boring,” Rainbow Dash said.

“And the young man went walking,” Lionel talked over her, “He went around each hallway, and each staircase, and each exhibit. Spent all day walking, didn’t spill a single drop of his syrup. And he gets back to the old man.”

“Did the old man just sit there all day?” Rainbow Dash queried.

Lionel shushed her again. “It’s a story! Anyway! The old man looked to the young man and says ‘okay, did you see the Mona Lisa?’”

“What’s that?” Rainbow Dash asked quickly.

“A famous painting,” Lionel said, hanging his head. “The Mona Lisa is a famous painting. And so are paintings by Monet, and Picasso, and Van Gogh.”

“They sound boring,” Rainbow Dash said bluntly.

Lionel’s eyes narrowed slowly. “But the moral of the story is, the young man walked all over the artsy place, from one end to the other, right past some of the best artwork ever made in the entire world, and he didn’t even notice because he was too busy not spilling his syrup.”

“I assure you, I don’t spill my syrup,” Rainbow Dash said, perplexed.

Lionel sighed, hanging his head again. “The point of the story is that you shouldn’t trade off enjoyment to focus on just one thing. You can focus on it, but you also need to slow down and look around.”

“It seems a lesson more towards goal-orientated ponies than relationships,” Rainbow Dash retorted.

Lionel rubbed his temples with his fingertips. “You know what I mean, Dashie. You can’t just give up years of happiness because you’re too scared of having to commit to something.”

“I am not scared!” Rainbow Dash said, chewing viciously at a piece of watermelon.

“Sure you aren’t,” Lionel said, shaking his head.

“You’re just saying all this because you want back under my tail,” Rainbow Dash accused.

“No, I’m saying this because if you keep looking at relationships like this, you’re going to end up old and lonely,” Lionel said, frowning deeply. “Go back to Soarin if you want to. Steal him away from his new girlfriend. Tell him you’re wildly in love with him, whatever. But if you’re honestly too scared of commitment than ‘marriage, death, break up’ are the only things you can think of when you look at your partner, then you’re not even ready for a relationship. You’re not even in love. You’re just obsessed. If you actually wanted a relationship, you’d be content to just enjoy the time you had together until it stopped being fun or you found someone better.”

“That is the girliest, mushiest line of bullshit I have ever heard,” Rainbow Dash said coolly.

Lionel shook his head again, rising to his feet. “I need to nap. I had a long night. Just… think about what I said.”

“Old man, young man, don’t spill the syrup or you won’t see the pretty paintings?” Rainbow Dash asked, arching an eyebrow.

Lionel gave a long sigh. “Yes. That exactly.”