The story of the toilet

by Erebos

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy
Length: 1017

The story of the first toilet ever in equestria

Ponies don't use toilets so join two brave ponies as they try to introduce the toilet to equestria

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-01-13 08:40:01 UTC

Prepare your feces

The story of the toilet

In the outskirts of appleoosa there is a unicorn his name is Plumber now plumber’s job was to fix baths and rusty pipes, however he was just about ready to show off his new invention.

“Hey plumber what’s up.”

And there stood his roommate, the pony was a Pegasus he had a grey coat with a dark brown main and black eyes, and a piece of poop as a cutie mark. Yes his name was Turd Burglar and his talent was pooping. Unlike most ponies Turd could actually control when he pooped, the color, the shape, the size, how runny it was, amount of dingle berries. However this is impressive to nopony so Turd just ended up being a beggar.

“Oh good Turd I want you to test out my new invention.” Plumber then pulled a thing that looked like a white porcelin bowl glistening with cleanliness and water in side with a very nice silver handle.

“Do you like it I call it a toilet.” Plumber said

“What does it do?” Turd questioned.

“ Why you poop in it.” As plumber said this a look of confusion came across Turd’s face he didn’t know what to do all in these parts ponies just went poop wherever they wanted and it would fertilize the ground but left a horrible stench. Especially on Mexicolt night seriously most of the time it smelled really nasty and was a major inconvenience to every one who had to walk by you while you were just prairie dogging it. But now there was privacy now people wouldn’t have to look at your ugly mug while you stealthily slipped your crap behind a rock.

But it brought a fear what I do with the water do I drink it? Is it maybe like bong water. And why is it white, why can’t it be more colorful and where does the poop go does it run on unicorn magic, maybe pegasia come down and fly it into space.

“Well that’s how the toilet works, any questions?” realizing he had zoned out Turd just shook his head no.

“ Great now sit on the toilet and poop.” As turd got on and pooped something amazing happened this feeling of freedom of not caring this feeling couldn’t be described by words alone it was though celestia had taken him and shown him the pleasures of the divine it was as though his troubles had all melted a way his mind was able to wander freely.

Is our world fake? He thought to himself. In reality did it matter was this a dream but is there ever a point were dreams cross into reality were our night mares become our greatest fears and our dreams become visible peaks of obstacles known as life. As well as the line of the success not even he could predict it all his life he was made fun why? He put himself down and told himself he was worthless but in reality he had more talent than all of his tormentors.

He could control a biological function, something that had evolved through years of trial and error, natural selection, and genotypes. And yet he could break that he didn’t follow the rules that normal ponies follow he played by his own rules. It is like an earth pony using magic. He was impossibility.

He was unique. He was not just some stain on society just to be made fun of he was a sign, a signal he was a messiah. No not a messiah he was a god. The god of feces, the god of that which fertilizes the ground, the ruler of that which grows mushrooms, the king of the end of the digestion tract.

He was more powerful than Celestia. He was Poop, the living embodiment of all that was crap like in quality. He should be sitting on the throne that Celestia lays her plot, which produces his poop on, that should be him being tended to by the royal servants.

But it wasn’t, so I will change that I will create my own nation we will start out small but grow and after a while we will not be able to be avoided, we will be called the Stains, and we will force the order of the brown on the Celestia’s stupid royal guard.

We will start in Appleoossa, the battle will be decisive seeing as the wont be prepared for the coming of the poopapault.

It will be a glorious day for the order of the stains.

After that we will take Ponyville. While they maybe a small grassroots town they house the elements of harmony however they will be no match for the semi automatic pooper shooter. After destroying the elements we will march on Canterlot.

Then the battle will truly begin my loyal pooper scoopers will fight tooth and nail with the royal guard, and after I take out Shining Armor with my RPP (rocket propelled poop) me and the team of Celestia and Luna will dookie it out and after I perform my finishing move the SUPER SHIT SPRAY 5000 I will assume my place on that throne as the one true leader of Equestria. And all shall address me as king Shit Stain and when I am in the streets they will be chanting my name and to commemorate my ascension to the throne every year there will be a holiday were all the citizens get together and sing about poop glorious poop.

“ Hey Turd.” Plumber said.

“Huh” Turd replied snapping out of his daydream.

“ Turns out toilets have been around in Equestria for years it’s just that they aren’t really that common out here in the boonies so I’m going to destroy this.”

“Before you do that could I have some time alone with the toilet.” Turd said with a solemn look in his eyes.

“Ok” plumber said and left

Turd leaned in very close and whispered to the toilet.

“ I love you.” And then he kissed the toilet.