The Elements of Lunacy

by chief maximus

Rating: everyone
Tags: Other, Princess Luna, Comedy, Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 2963

Luna is sick and tired of her sister lording her 'Elements of Harmony' over her.

Princess Luna is sick and tired of her sister lording her 'Elements of Harmony' over her! She is an alicorn too, and she deserves six faithful subjects willing to do things she's seemingly capable of doing, but doesn't feel like doing! So she does what any princess would do; heads into her kingdom in search of a 'mane six' of her very own. She'll show Celestia that just because she's been on the moon for a thousand years, doesn't mean she can't recruit some loyal and steadfast ponies to do her bidding. Though, it may be harder than she originally anticipated.

Published 2012-11-01 00:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-11-01 00:50:01 UTC

Prologue

Prologue

"Princess Luna, the twilight is almost here," a guard from beyond her chamber said, knocking gently on her door.

"We are aware, thank you," she replied groggily. Luna was certainly glad to be off the moon, but she couldn't help but shake the boredom she'd grown so familiar with. Night in and night out it was the same thing. Raise the moon, craft a few dreams, maybe some nightmares if she happened to be in a bad mood, make sure ponies looking for intimacy were able to find it, and then retire to her chambers during the daytime.

The routine began to take its toll on her mental health as she raised her head from her pillow, observing the last rays of sunlight as they shone through her window. She narrowed her eyes and rolled over in a huff, crossing her forelegs and staring at the display where her crown and other royal garments sat. They were similar to her sister's, only darker.

Even though she'd been happier than ever the day the Elements purged the evil of Nightmare Moon from her, a bit of jealousy still rose in the pit of her stomach when she thought of the love, adoration and respect her sister received in comparison to herself.

It wasn't as though she wasn't respected. Far from it. In fact, she would say 'feared' would be a more appropriate term. Ponies still seemed to tremble at the mention of her name, and even the sight of her personal bodyguards struck fear into her subjects.

Luna rolled out of bed and trotted lazily to her balcony, blowing a stray strand of her heavenly mane out of her face as she charged her magic. In no time, the moon was bright in the sky, set into its course among the stars for another night. Luna sighed, facing away from the balcony. Gathering her crown jewels and royal shoes, she slipped them on and fluttered out of her room.

There were still some ponies milling about the courtyard, and some even gazing up at her night sky! This filled her with hope as she landed next to a statue in the gardens. Two ponies lay on a blanket, looking up at the heavens and simply enjoying each others company.

You see Luna? Ponies do love you and your lovely sky! she thought happily, determined to find out how much these two ponies had been enjoying her evening.

Appearing from behind the statue, she walked over to the two lovers, her shadow blocking out the moonlight and causing them to stir.

"Hey, beat it flank-hole, you're blockin' the—" the stallion began before looking up and seeing who he was addressing.

The color drained from his face as he gasped, followed by the mare he was sharing the blanket with.

"P-princess Luna!" he stammered, hastily bowing as low as possibly in her presence, as did his date. "I'm sorry, I had no idea it was you, I swear I'd never call you a—"

"That is enough, subject," Luna commanded, raising a hoof, drawing his immediate silence. "Tell us, what is it that you and this fine young mare enjoy the most about our night?"

"It's beautiful, Your Highness," the mare said quickly, all the while keeping her head at her hooves. "We are truly blessed to have it."

"Y-yes!" The stallion agreed, not to be outdone. "I'm sure it's the envy of every kingdom!" He too didn't dare gaze upon Luna.

She narrowed her eyes at the cowering ponies. This was not how she expected her subjects to act towards her.

"Why dost thou not gaze upon your princess?" she asked firmly.

The two ponies were silent for a time, before answering nervously. "We aren't worthy of an audience with an alicorn as beautiful as yourself," the stallion said.

"Yes!" his date echoed.

"You find your princess more attractive than the mare thou hast brought before my night?"

"Of course, Your Highness!" he answered quickly. Luna's expression dropped. This was exactly what she hated about being cursed by Nightmare Moon. It seemed her stigma never washed off! All the ponies still treated her as though she'd send them to the ninth plane of eternal torment if they didn't grovel at her hooves at every waking moment. Only the royal guards dared make eye contact with her, and even then, it was fleeting.

Luna sighed. It was tough being the other sister that had been banished for one thousand years. None of her advisors were still alive, and the only pony that knew her well enough not to fear her was Celestia. "Carry on," she moaned, trotting away sadly. She approached the castle steps and fluttered back to her balcony.

Looking out over her kingdom at night, she realized there must be some way to improve her image with her subjects. What she needed was a group of subjects loyal to her who would do good in her name, and spread a positive image of her through their deeds far and wide across the kingdom.

But how?

The First Element

The First Element

The princess of the moon was going to go to bed early that day. Well, early by her standards. The sun was just beginning to rise as she stifled a yawn, watching from her tower as the moon began to fade from the sky.

"Goodnight, my dear," she whispered. She often found it odd that she would hold such sentiment for a place that she had been trapped. Luna had gotten a lot of thinking done during that time. A lot of crying, a lot of remorseful feeling, but a lot of thinking, too.

This dawn was but a few days after the defeat of the changelings at the wedding of the captain of the royal guard, and Celestia and Luna's niece Cadence. She trotted from her bed to the balcony.

Resting her forelegs on the railing, she sighed. Celestia had found Cadence on the steps of Canterlot castle over a hundred years ago. She seemed to possess the same immunity to age they had, but only time would tell if she was truly an immortal. Luna remembered second guessing her sister's decision to allow Cadence to marry a mortal, reminding her of the heartbreak that was sure to follow in a scant eighty or so years.

Celestia insisted that she would do the same for her, should she ever fall for a mortal mare or stallion.

Luna scoffed at the idea. Imagine, her, ruler of the night, giving herself to a commoner.

She rested her head on her hooves, contemplating the jealousy she felt towards her niece. Not for netting Shining Armor, but for simply having somepony to share her thoughts and feelings with. On one hoof, the thought of consorting with mortals in such a manner disgusted her, but she believed that to be simply a holdover from her pre-banishment era. Times had changed since the days of ponies living mostly in darkness, fearing as well as serving their alicorn masters. It was strictly forbidden for commoners to fraternize with royalty. Back then, only the sons of the elite were even eligible to join the royal guard, let alone attempt to marry a princess.

On the other, being alone for so long with only the platonic relationship of a sister that felt it appropriate to curse you with one thousand years of solitude for a teensy little usurpation of her throne can take its toll on a pony's emotional state. Perhaps there was a pony out there for her, but now was not the time to contemplate such feelings.

The sun was now breaking the horizon, signaling it would soon be time for her to retire to her chambers for a good day's rest. Stepping away from her balcony, she noticed her sister standing quietly in her room.

"Sleepy yet?" she asked, taking a seat on her bed.

"No more than usual. We are simply..." Luna placed a hoof to her chin in thought, "tired."

"Well you should be," Celestia replied. "You've been up all night, after all."

Luna sighed. "Not physically. We grow bored in the castle all day," she whined. "We wish to add some excitement to our lives."

Celestia raised an eyebrow. "Sister, you must rest after your royal duties, what kind of excitement would you be referring to—" both eyebrows raised as a smile crossed Celestia's lips. She nodded silently as she patted the spot on Luna's bed next to her as her sister sat beside her. "I know what you need. I have a royal guard who is quite adept at fulfilling the carnal desires of royalty, just say the word and I'll—"

Luna withdrew in disgust. "We didn't mean that! Besides, do you honestly believe We would need your charity? We could pluck any stallion off the street and he would personally thank his ancestors for birthing him for even getting the opportunity to come near the royal flank!" she snapped.

Celestia was none too happy about being snapped at while only trying to help. "Then what is it you want?"

Luna stepped from her bed and turned toward the balcony once more. "We..." she sighed, still unsure of what kind of excitement she was referring to, herself. Outside, on the palace grounds below her spire, she spotted the Element of Magic herself rushing up the palace steps, her saddle bags flapping wildly as her dragon assistant clung desperately to her tail. That was when it dawned on her what she was looking for. Celestia had subjects that were willing to travel to the ends of Equestria at her whim, and would thank her for the opportunity.

Luna had nothing even close. In fact, her subjects still feared her, even after it had been shown she had purged the evil that was Nightmare Moon from her physical being. The stigma would not leave her, no matter how hard she tried to convince the populous that all she was looking for was the love and admiration of her subjects.

"We want one of those!" she said excitedly. Her sister stepped to the balcony, looking over her shoulder. The rest of the Elements of Harmony came charging up the palace steps after Twilight, their saddlebags bulging with whatever they had managed to stuff inside.

"You want ponies?" Celestia asked skeptically. "Do you recall what happened to the last subjects I gave you?"

Luna's expression soured as she turned to face her sister, "It is not our fault that flammable and inflammable mean the same thing," she hissed, Celestia having touched on a sore subject. "But that was not what We were referring to—"

She was interrupted by the door to her chamber being flung open. An out of breath Twilight Sparkle stood with a baby dragon clinging to her tail. "Princess... the vital... supplies... you needed are here," she panted, as the galloping of hooves echoed in the corridor behind her.

Celestia stepped toward her student as Twilight retrieved some of the contents and levitated them to her mentor.

A nondescript package hovered in front of her as she cut a small rip in the top. Glancing in, she looked back at Twilight and took a smell, then a small taste. "Is this the best you could find?"

"Absolutely. It's the purest there is."

Celestia smiled as the rest of the Elements of Harmony filed into the room. "I am very proud of you girls, you've done a great deed for Equestria." Her loyal subjects bowed respectfully, happy to complete any task given to them by their princess. "Please take them down to the kitchen, the head chef will know where to store them," she added, setting the package she had opened back in Twilight's saddle bag. "While you're down there, have him prepare whatever you'd like, you've earned it."

They added their thanks and departed, barely acknowledging that Luna was in the room, despite the fact that it was her room they had barged into. Luna glared at her sister as Celestia returned a slight blush of embarrassment.

"You have them fetching your coffee now?"

"It's been a slow month since the Chrysalis incident, I couldn't very well have them feeling useless, could I?"

Luna scoffed, "Perhaps, but would you care to explain how..." she glanced at the receipt that had fallen out of the package that her sister had inspected, "Artesian roasted coffee beans are vital supplies?"

Celestia raised her nose, going on the defensive, "They are vital to my morning routine, which includes bringing daylight to our kingdom, and do not pretend as though you do not enjoy the fruits of their labors."

Luna turned back toward the balcony, knowing she enjoyed the premium roasts as much as her sister, and it was quite a pain to travel all the way to Equinedor just to procure some of the most sought after beans in the world.

"Getting back to our original point, it is not ponies we request, but Elements. We wish to have our own Elements of Harmony!"

Celestia choked back laughter at the very idea. "Surely you can't be serious?"

"We are, and don't call us—" Her sister's deadpan stare stopped her from completing her joke. That one had been old since before Luna had been banished.

Celestia joined her sister on the balcony, a bit of sympathy for her sister's plight welling inside her. "Sister, the Elements of Harmony were something I worked very hard to create. Why do you believe we need more?" she inquired softly.

"We simply want ponies of our own to spread good will to the subjects in our name! We may have employed the Elements together, but you and you alone got to decide which ponies became the Element bearers," Luna lamented, though her sister was ready with a valid counterpoint.

"The Elements chose them, Luna. What choice did I have after Nightmare Moon's return?" Princess Luna frowned as she turned away from her sister. It was still a tender subject for the both of them. "However, I cannot deny the goodwill the Elements have spread in my name, so it is only fair that I aid you in creating a set of your own."

Luna turned happily back to her sister, "Really? You will help us create our own squadron of noble adventurers?" she asked gleefully.

"I will. On one condition,"

"Name it!" Luna replied.

"You will have to find your own Element bearers. Understand?"

"Oh yes! Thank you sister, you have no idea how much this means to us! Now We can finally begin earning the trust and admiration of our subjects!"

She threw her hooves around Celestia in a tight hug as she continued thanking her. After her flurry of gratitude, she released her sister. "Now then, I'll set about creating a new set of elements. While I am engaged, you must select your Element bearers. Be diligent in your selection Luna. The power bestowed upon the Element bearers is nothing to be taken lightly."

Luna smiled, heading toward the door, "We shall enjoy a cup of your coffee, and then be off to select our bearers!"

"When are you going to sleep?" Celestia called after her.

"Sleep is for the feeble, dear sister!"

Trotting down the hallway toward the kitchen, Luna's hoofsteps slowly faded, leaving Celestia alone in her room.

"Well, it looks like I must dig my old spell book out of the archives of the Canterlot library," she sighed, only now realizing how much work she may have just promised her sister she would do. A smile played at the edges of her regal features. "But I know the perfect mare for the job," she said to herself, retrieving a scroll and penning a letter to her most faithful student.

Princess Luna fluttered down the palace steps in her usual 'going out' cloak, before being stopped at the gate by the royal guards. Her cloak was annoying, but necessary if she were to remain incognito. Without it, ponies would bow to her at every turn, and it would be much harder to chose a worthy Element bearer if they knew she was watching them.

"Princess, we had no scheduled visits into town today, will you be needing a detail?"

"No thank you, we will be fine on our own."

She knew the guards hated letting her wander without their protection, but at the same time they knew she could handle herself in the presence of danger.

Upon exiting the palace grounds, she ventured into the hustle and bustle of Canterlot. Ponies with errands to run and appointments to keep dashed this way and that, zooming by Her Highness without so much as a cursory nod.

Perfect, she thought.

Luna remembered where her sister had started. She had taken a pupil from obscurity; one with power the likes of which she had never seen before, and trained her practically from birth. Luna had neither the time, nor patience for something so horrendously tedious, so she figured an adult pony would have to do.

Twilight Sparkle is a talented unicorn, so We'll just have to find a talented unicorn of our own. She wandered the streets aimlessly until something caught her attention.

"Come one, come all, and witness feats of incredible magic, performed by the greatest showmare on earth!"

Luna turned to see a small crowd gathered around an azure pony in a cape and hat decorated with stars and moons.

Perhaps this pony is already a loyal fan? Luna thought, making her way towards the front of the crowd. Not that she needed to, she was already about two feet taller than anypony around her. And she's a unicorn too! We think we've found our first Element!