He could not believe it, it was impossible. He wasn’t prepared for this! As Goldengrape trotted home, he held a good face. The ponies around him didn’t seem to notice anything, they were all having a good time in the warm summer sunlight. Good. No matter what, no one could know, or they would surely throw him out.
For who wants a stallion like him?
When he finally arrived home, he hurried inside and closed the door. Immediately, his façade broke, and he started to whimper, and his legs were starting to shake. Taking a deep breath to calm down, he made his way up to his bedroom. Well up, he broke down completely. His shaking grew from a couple of shudders to straight out spasms, and his breathing was ragged and high-pitched.
He went through the events over and over again in his head, like he had the whole way home.
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“What do you want?”
Noteworthy was looking at him, his light brown eyes seemed to shimmer in the sun. Or were they dark orange?
“Erhm... I just wanted to…” He began, but hesitated. ‘What if he doesn’t feel the same? What if he hates the very thought of being with another stallion?’ Goldengrape looked down on the ground, avoiding the blue stallion’s eyes. Those eyes, he thought, he wanted to drown in them, to never look away. Those eyes that took away his breath every time they looked at him. If only…
“Golden, is there something wrong? You’re acting rather strange” he took a step closer, leaning his head down as if to catch the beige pony’s attention.
Golden’s heart skipped a beat.
“N.. No, It’s alright” he took a deep breath and looked straight into Noteworthy’s eyes “I just wanna tell you something.”
“Yes?” The blue pony was starting to get impatient.
“It’s just.. Just that I..” he was starting to blush, as he stammered the oh so important words. He closed again, and gave it his all. “I… I… I love you!”
Silence.
Too much silence.
Goldengrape opened his eyes slowly, afraid of seeing the reaction of the pony opposite. The blue stallion’s face was shocked, but making a hesitant smile.
“You.. You’re joking, right?” he said to the love-struck stallion. “This is a joke, right?” He made a half-hearted laugh.
Goldengrape’s heart fell, as did his face. Seeing the reaction to his words, Noteworthy proceeded.
“Not? What the hay, Golden? I respected you as a bro, but that is just wrong.” He looked almost angry, or betrayed, but he mostly looked disgusted.
…he mostly looked disgusted.
…disgusted…
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Goldengrape tried to supress the tears that started emerging. His throat ached, and his spasms became more violent. He fought a sob, and went to the mirror. There he was, the stallion that had confessed his love to Noteworthy, the most beautiful pony in all of Equestria. That blue coat, that even darker blue mane, and those eyes…
...that’s just wrong…
There was no wail, only a low gurgle, but his mouth was open, as to scream in agony. He couldn’t wail, not here, not now, not ever. If the other ponies heard him…
…looked disgusted…
“Why!?” he moaned, careful not to be loud. “Why can’t I love him?? Why does it have to be wrong!?”
He looked in the mirror again, as he continued his rant.
“Would it be different if I was a mare!? Would he have thought of it as a joke then!? But nooo, a stallion can’t fall in love with the cool and good-looking Noteworthy! That would be wrong!”
Now he had turned his sadness into anger. He was angry at Noteworthy, angry at Ponyville, angry at Celestia, but most of all, angry at himself.
“Had I only been a mare, he would have loved me! He would have never thought I was disgusting!”
…I respected you…
Enough! Make it stop already! Make it stop!
Goldengrape bit his foreleg, hard. There was more gurgling, and tears started to roll from his eyes. He could hardly take it any more, all the feelings, they were overwhelming. As the thoughts spun around his head faster and faster, he bit harder and harder…
Drip.
Drop.
Drip.
Drip.
Shatter.
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His head hurt badly, and his hooves throbbed, releasing a cascade of pain with each new heartbeat. He opened his eyes, but was afraid of what he might see. The first thing he noticed was that it was dark, meaning night had fallen. Night huh? He didn't think he'd be out so long.
Then he realised that he lay right next to a bunch of mirror shards, some of them red in the corners.
Red, like blood, but dried.
He looked down at his hooves, and realised they were covered in crusts, probably dark red, but in that darkness, they seemed black. When he tried to stand up, the pain made itself noticed, and he grimaced. That action made him feel the stiffness in his face, and looking down on the broken mirror-shards he saw that his face had streams of blood, now dried, originating from his forehead.
Great, this'll be easy to hide.
He looked around the room, trying to find some clues about his former actions. It all looked fairly normal, except from the area by the mirror, not to mention the mirror itself. It had been shattered in the middle, and it's shards lay stained with dried salty tears, and dried blood.
"Looks like I'll be up all night cleaning, huh?" he said, not looking forward to it.
But first thing first, the wounds needed caring for, or at least be covered up and hidden. That would require bandages, as well as a cover up story. Had he slipped and fallen into the mirror? Yeah, that sounded okay, as long as he didn't elaborate, or put too many details in it.
He sighed, and thought to himself, as he thought about the coming week, and the awkwardness around a certain pony.
"Why is it never easy?"
Author's Note
This is my first finished FiMfiction, as well as my first story about love, so please go easy on me ^_^
Feedback is always welcome, since it helps me get better at writing. Negative feedback too, but do keep it civilised.
I drew the picture myself,, so I need not credit anyone but me, which I just did.
LOVE AND TOLERATE :D
