Chapter 1: Honest Coercion
The Arcane
Chapter 1
Ugh, where am I? I opened my eyes to see absolute darkness all around me. Trying to look even for the slightest sign of light, I lifted my hands over my head. To my dismay, I couldn’t even find the dim shapes of my hands. Damn it, I’d better not be blind. My hands dropped back onto the ground and I tried to get up from where I lay. Slowly, I clutched whatever surface was beneath me and pushed myself up. My feet gradually shifted before they suddenly met something foreign beneath me and flung my body forward into the ground.
With pain exploding in my mind, I forced my battered body to get up with better success. Deliberately and carefully, I stepped my way backwards to where the object now was and crouched down to meet it. I felt its rough surface, and found it was lumpy, though flexible. Reaching my hand around on it, I found an edge that I pulled out to reveal its inside.
It was a knapsack of some sort, containing a number of odd objects. I felt my way in slowly before I met a peculiar orb-like object. As I pulled it out, it suddenly ignited with white light, causing me to drop it in shock. The orb’s light flooded all that surrounded me, extending as far back as several hundred metres. As I turned to look at what was revealed, it was then I remembered.
All around me were the Trees of Silence, stripped of branches, bark, and foliage. Even during the daytime, they were rumoured to touch the sky. This forest was well known to the inhabitants of Silva for the breathtaking silvery dimness of the trees during the clear night. The trees were like needles of bone, dead and inert. However the people of this land treated this forest as sacred as their own gods - because of history or for some other reason, I knew not. What I knew was that it was perhaps the safest place in all of Silva. They call it the Dead Forest.
Taking the orb and satchel in hand, I moved further into the forest. What always unnerved me was the complete silence of this forest - it was rumoured that no living creature had lived here for centuries. Even now, my feet upon the rough brown earth made the only sounds, and it frightened me. It was unnatural to me that no life should ever exist here. There was not even the chirping of crickets, nor the occasional hoot of an owl.
As I moved each foot forward, I shivered with deep apprehension. To keep my mind off, I took the orb under my left arm and shuffled through the bag looking for something interesting. After a while, I found it. I curled the long roll of parchment out of the knapsack to reveal a large and detailed map of the forest, including interestingly a highlighted location within the midst of the forest. A long and avid smile appeared along my face as I remembered then why I was here.
In these forests was rumoured to be the ancient Diamond of Ages, hidden in some ruins. sounds vague, should prolly revise From since I had first heard stories of it in an old tavern, I longed to take hold of this prize. To merely call it a diamond was an understatement - the Diamond of Ages was a magical artefact, restraining the full powers of the arcane and daemonic. No mortal could unlock its properties and live, though I wasn’t the least bit concerned about that. I just wanted to make my damned retirement off the money.
I remember the search well, though with no lack of revulsion. Many of the Silvans I struggled to get information out of were simpletons, plain and true. I could have asked them about any other thing and they would still bring up their own little fools’ theories and speculations about the wonders of butter and chicken.personality break? It took me months before I found something remotely related and followed it to an ancient tribe living on the fringes of the Dead Forest. I not only discovered precisely what I wanted to know, but I also obtained the map drawn by the first of those to settle near here.
From what they told me, it was guarded well - there were supposed to be ancient mechanisms and traps covering every inch of the final stretch, each powered by an external magical source. This wasn’t the worst of it. The worst was that the Diamond of Ages was suspended by a rope over a bottomless chasm.
I wouldn’t be a master thief if I didn’t prepare for this however – this bag of mine held not only food and water, but also everything one could ever want for a job like this. If a wizard happened to remain at the ancient ruins guarding them like a lone soldier, I was ready for him. If a monster came crying out of the night and leaped at me with its claws bared and rotting mouth wide open, I was ready for that too, though you wouldn’t expect something like that in these dead woods.
But I was getting off track: it was time for me to get to work. Looking at the map revealed the ruins were deep within the very centre of the forest? hill? should consider better location
notes: need to think of better name for story
memory recovery seems a bit stupid
*BRRR-ING!!*
“Alright, please ensure you have all your essays back within the next week.” The literature room swelled with a cacophony of groans.
I looked up with a start - most of those previously sitting around for the class were already leaving. Those who remained were assumedly trying to make up for lost time spent sleeping by stuffing as many books as they could into their bags at impossible speeds. The teacher himself was packing up quite leisurely with no hurry.
I glanced down at my own table to find the only two books I ever brought to lectures nowadays: my occasional notebook, and of course my masterful and utterly brilliant draftbook. The notebook was for occasional lines of ‘wisdom’ from the lectures that I probably might as well have retrieved from textbooks, but for the most part my draftbook occupied the majority of lecture time. To me, it was my heart and my soul, my escape from the mundane. This particular one was the sixth of my draftbooks from Year 10, though I’ve had plenty of scraps I’ve scribbled on before, and for good reason. I had never written an entire book before though, except for The wolf from down the road, but that was never approved by publishers - so I was at the Claudius University wasting my time away...
Don’t get me wrong, not all of it was so bad. My lectures were shit, but the campus itself was brilliant. Oftentimes when nothing was happening, I would just wander around and take inspiration from the wonder of my surroundings, whether it was the enchanting Victorian architecture, or the beautiful and varying gardens.
The library was vast, unlike any I had ever seen before. It was filled with an immeasurable amount of literary masterpieces, some of them I had read, most of them I hadn’t, though I relished the idea of reading them. If I were looking for any other degree, I probably would have decided to stay here. Indeed, I had already decided to leave a month or so before, and now I was just waiting until I finished my new book and got it published. That is, if it got published.
I suppose I was ignoring the idea that it wouldn’t go through. My hopes for continuing an independent life were completely based on the royalties from this book, but I never considered any other path. In my firm opinion, what other option could there be for me? In any case, I wasn’t worrying about that.
I clutched the books in my hands and shoved them somewhat roughly into my bag before heading out the door of my lecture room. Swarms of other students pressed past each other on their ways to what was likely several times more interesting than any of my lectures. However, I headed a different way – to early lunch.
~~~~
Whenever any of us went to lunch, we normally headed to the café several streets away. Usually it was crowded, but they served good food and so all types of people went there. If Leonardo Da Vinci ever went there, he’d probably have a field day just drawing all the varying and interesting structures of different peoples’ faces. As for me, I was more interested in the people themselves. There would often be a time where I’d meet a university associate or a juggalo, a journalist or a WoW nerd. You name them: I’ve met them all.
However, today was particularly unusual. Today I met a peculiar group of bronies.
There were about five of them seated around a large round table, most of them must have been in their mid 20’s, though one of them near the back with a hoodie on looked like he was about 20, same as me. They were all notably distinguished by either a pony shirt they wore or by other pony merchandise they had (interestingly, the leader had a hat shaped into a bright pink pony), and they were all busily jabbering away about what sounded like a new MMO. I decided to listen in closer.
“And Hasbro has given sanction and everything for it. It’s going to be so awesome.” The leader pressed his cheeks together in a way that horridly reminded someone of a duck face.
“Oh man, I can’t wait to get my epically-awesome pegasus into the air and flying around,” the arms of an overweight brony with a shirt covered by a rainbow-coloured pony waved about, “I’m going to be roleplaying so much.”
“Wait,” another brony slammed his hands into the table, causing his purple pony figurine to fly a few inches into the air before landing again on its side, “does that mean the main six are included in the game?”
“Undoubtedly,” the leader crossed his arms, “Even Derpy is included as an easter egg in different parts of the game, cross-eyes and all. But all this stuff isn’t even the very tip of the iceberg.” His eyes swerved to the left and right, around him and his group before settling on me and widening.
Swiftly he straightened up and spread his arms open. “Greetings good sir, and welcome to the weekly meeting of the local bronies. I presume from your vacant gaze that you do not know the wonder that is ponies?”
I shook my head slowly and carefully, remembering my previous encounter with bronies that almost landed me into a week-long MLP marathon (I’m still not sure how they were going to do that).
A few gasps came from the other bronies before the leader made signs for them to be quiet. “Then clearly it is our duty to educate you - but where are my manners? May we introduce ourselves to you? Please sit down, make yourself comfortable. I am the Great and Powerful Pinkie, or as I’m known IRL, Evan. These are my cohorts.”
“Enough of the fancy talk, Evan, or you’ll turn Prench.”
Evan waved off the cynical comment from a brony with a wide grin, “The one who rudely interrupted me is known online as Lyrinx, and he is basically the joker of this group. Watch yourself around him if you want to keep your sanity. This guy,” here he indicated the brony with the rainbow shirt, “is Windy, the resident roleplayer. Don’t accuse his characters of being Mary Sues and you should be okay with him.”
“Hey!” Windy’s face creased into a grotesque grimace.
“Over here,” this time he pointed to the brony with the purple pony figurine, “is Menchant. He does coding for a living. Come to think of it, coding is his life.” Menchant and the other bronies chuckled at this.
“The last one here is Ergo074 - he doesn’t say much, though he knows all there is to know about the show and its universe. We call him our portable encyclopaedia.” Ergo, the one clothed in a large and dark hoodie, scowled at the leader’s sniggering. “There usually is another one here, but I don’t think--”
“Excuse me, sorry, my bad, please excuse me, begging your pardon, excuse me!”
“Speak of the devil.” Pinkie grinned at me as a young girl with long hair dyed pink ran between the various tables scattered outside the cafe towards us, apologising to other patrons as she did. I noticed that she too couldn’t be much younger than me. As she finally arrived, she struggled to say anything in between her puffs. “Allow me to introduce you to the pegasister of the group, Felicity03, my baby sister by seven years! She’s a regular Fluttershy – she even dyed her hair pink for the role.” The other bronies laughed at this somewhat awkwardly – it now seemed clear to me that they all, for the exception of Ergo, had a thing for this pegasister.
“Oh, I’m so so sorry I’m late, guys,” Felicity finally managed, “I’m not usually, but there was so much traffic and then halfway I had to get petrol and then, and then--”
“My dear baby sister!” Evan stood up out of his chair and threw his arms around Felicity in a great bear hug, which elicited such a shy squeak from her that Lyrinx, Windy and Menchant were on the verge of fainting out of pure joy. Windy ended up falling out of his chair. I was struggling to keep myself from smiling at the spectacle. Pinkie pulled her up into the air with his hug. “You know we could never not forgive you.”
Felicity winced as Evan drew his arms tighter around her. “Erm, good. Great! Yes, yes I am...um, relieved?”
Evan finally looked down to notice that he was choking the living daylights out of her and quickly released her. “Felicity, allow me to introduce you to...” He looked to me for a few seconds before he realised I never told him my name. “Oh, of all the things to forget! I never asked you your name! Would you mind...?”
“Call me Andrew.”
~~~~
The meeting continued for several hours. All through lunch we talked about different things. Halfway through, Windy even began a roleplay session with several of the bronies which sounded like it was set during medieval times - though all the characters were thoroughly pony. Overall however, there is not much to be said about what happened, other than what I understood – and that was they were all obsessed with ponies! Perhaps an obsession even more powerful than that of the bronies I had met before. However that is not to say I didn’t enjoy the meeting – I realised that I enjoyed it much more than I should have.
As the sun began to set, the meeting drew to a close, but not before Pinkie started to say one last thing to us all. “Alright, so I think we’ve gone over everything, but I would like to say a few more things first before we leave.” He searched through a small bag on the ground next to him before fishing out a sheet of paper. He began reading from it.
“Firstly, don’t forget to get a copy of the collector’s box for the second series. This is quite possibly the best thing to happen to the Southern Hemisphere since...since the collector’s box for first series was released. We cannot waste such a fucking awesome opportunity by deliberately avoiding spending money and torrenting every single episode, Menchant!” Menchant glanced towards something in the distance as Pinkie stared at him with an evil eye. Pinkie coughed a bit before looking back and continuing. “Secondly, remember to support Derpy. Derpy is best background pony and none of us want to lose her for good.”
“The Derpy crisis has been over since last year!”
“Yes, yes, I know that, Lyrinx.” Evan massaged his brow carefully. “But as long as Derpy remains a background pony, there may still be trouble. Thirdly, love and tolerate. Fourthly, support Friendship is Global--”
“Hold on.” The velvety voice came from Ergo, to my surprise. “We never actually finished discussing this, and you never told us what the big pitch line was.”
The other bronies nodded in agreement, and I being curious nodded alongside them.
Pinkie looked up at us and a grin grew on his face. “Ah yes, of course!” He threw his paper onto the table before going into his bag once more and taking out a garishly-decorated flyer. “Friends, bronies, countrymen, you will not believe what I have to offer to you.” With a melodramatic movement of his arm, he slammed the flyer right into the middle of the table. I with everyone else drew my head closer in, and this was what the flyer said:
Hey bronies and pegasisters!
We at FiG would like to invite you all to playtest the newest
and best MMO out there, MLP: Friendship is Global!
All you have to do is:
1. Meet us at the address on this flyer between 10am & 6pm on the 31st June
2. Have some previous testing experience
3. Have fun!
All those who are approved will be able to test the newest gaming
technology known to mankind (and likely ponykind!)
May the best pony win!
From FiG Corp.
The last space on the flyer contained an address and some company logos and copyrights. Interestingly, the address was to a computer lab back in Claudius University.
“Behold! A playtesting invitation!”
This last line sent all the bronies into an excited hubbub. However, it was my turn to raise my hand. “Hold on, this can’t be the big pitch line. Plenty of MMOs involve some sort of playtesting, so this MMO isn’t any better for that. What’s so different about this session?”
Pinkie gazed up at me incredulously. “What the playtesting involves. The flyer did not exaggerate how new the technology is. It is really new. The sort of new that has been involved in nothing before now. The new graphics and new gameplay and new storylines all other games advertise about; they all pale in comparison to this technology. In fact, it is the fucking Einstein of the gaming world! You would need an enormous brain just to understand the fucking simplicity of the whole fucking thing--”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” Lyrinx wrapped his arm around Pinkie’s shoulder as he noogied his head. “Calm down bro! You’re dropping F bombs like it was World War Three happening. Besides, I think Menchant knows heaps more about this.”
The other bronies turned to look at Menchant as he began to speak. “Yes, Friendship is Global uses a new type of technology. Most people call it the Ariadne Project.”
“Isn’t Ariadne the Greek legend of how spiders were formed?” I scratched my head trying to decipher what it could mean.
“Yes it is.” Menchant nodded as he thought more about it. “The project is based on a large network of electrical impulses all connected in a way so to emulate the way human nerves work. It’s all a bit like a web, which was likely where they got the name from. I heard that they tried to name it the Matrix, after the systems used in the movies, but they never got the rights for it...”
“Human nerves?”
“This is what Ariadne is. It synthesises every nerve impulse you receive - if you feel any sensation, it’s an impulse that actually arrives from the computer hardware itself, completely coded and calculated. On the other hand, any impulses you send go straight to the computer, and the computer responds to that according to its coding. The coding’s so complex that experience in coding isn’t good enough - from what I’ve heard you need to at least have a major in human biology and coding. Or something like that.
“Anyway, that’s not the point. Most of the people working on this project are geniuses – I’m amazed that FiG got their hands on it. You’d think this would be the sort of thing they’d sell at a trillion dollars apiece to governments.”
“Instead they’re gonna be selling them for a thousand bucks each to computer geeks like him.” Lyrinx pointed his thumb back at Menchant.
“I do hope that means we’ll be able to feel what it’s like to be a pony.” Felicity shook with joy. “I’m so excited!”
A period of silence followed as Lyrinx, Menchant and Windy realised once again that Felicity existed and began to stare at her without realising, much to the amusement of me, Ergo, and Pinkie, and the embarrassment of Felicity herself, who promptly began to shrink back into her chair.
“Ahem.” Evan tapped his papers onto the desk. “That’s enough interruption. We should really get back to the point in hand. Remember to support Friendship is Global. Fifthly, attend that play-test session - that means you too, Ergo and Andrew.”
My eyes widened as I realised he said my name. “Whoa wait! What makes you think I’m going?”
“Well it seems to me that this will be a prime opportunity to teach you the pony way.” A wry smile appeared on Pinkie’s face as he said this. “After all, you do seem so interested in the project it would be a shame not to invite you either.”
“W--wait, what?!” I stood up quickly. “Look, I appreciate the gesture, but I’m seriously not into My Little Pony. It’s all too much sparkles and rainbows…you know?”
The blank looks on everyone’s faces said completely the opposite.
“Right…look, I really have to go. There’s a bus I really should have caught a while back, and I’m kinda late. Bye!” I threw my bag over my shoulder and started heading in the general direction of the bus stop in what was now the dim twilight. After a few minutes of fast walking, I paused and let out a sigh.
My reactions to what they had each spoken about had exposed what I knew then to be my intense enjoyment of the group. Unlike most groups that I had previously conversed with, heated debates and discussions were an uncommon thing. I could not comprehend how I found these bronies more interesting than other groups – maybe it was the odd choice of subject matter, yet I knew there was weirder out there. It puzzled me to the point of frustration. And this was why I hated them then and there.
I began walking again. The dim blackness of the growing night reminded me of what I already knew – I was very late. However, I was ready – there was always another bus I could rely on to get back to at least my local area, even if I had to wait a few hours.
I wished I had a car, but my part-time job gave me barely any money back for the rent and food. I was lucky my parents lent me uni funds before I left home.
As I slung my bag onto the empty seat and sat down, I realised that for the first time I was the only one there. Even the street I was on was void of traffic. Usually there would be at least one other person there with their earphones and their dubstep at maximum volume.
“Excuse me...”
I almost launched myself from the seat as the gentle voice came just out of nowhere right behind me. It was Felicity from the brony group.
“Oh, I’m so so sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you,” Felicity squeaked out, “I was only wanting to get your attention, but then I must have overdone it because then you almost fell off the bench, and then --”
“Damn it, it’s alright. Just, don’t appear right behind me again. Alright?” She slowly nodded.
I revolved around to face the empty street. A few more seconds passed before I realised that she was there for a reason other than to annoy me. I turned around again with a grimace. “What is it?”
“Well...” Felicity nervously twirled her long hair around in her fingers. “I-I was wondering if you wanted me to...drop you off back to where you live. Well, if that’s okay with you.”
I frowned as I thought about the absurdity of the question. “If you hadn’t noticed already, I’m waiting for a bus.”
“Well yes, but...”
“So, no, thank you!” I swivelled back to my position facing the road.
“But – there aren’t any buses that go through here after 7...”
That was when it occurred to me that I never thought to check the time. Swiftly scrambling my phone out of my pocket, I saw that the time was 7:32, almost four hours after the time I’d normally arrive here, and long after I was sure there were any buses arriving. Even if I were to go to any other bus stop, I would have no idea which one was going the way I wanted to go. With a loud groan I fell into my outstretched hands and massaged my face as I tried to figure out what to do.
“So...want me to drop you off?”
~~~~
Our path led us over to a car (that looked like it had just been driven directly out of the 80’s) parked on the side of a road a few blocks away from the bus stop. As the light in the car turned on, I saw that it was a rusty golden Suzuki with patches of actual rust over the car – most of them were on the roof. There were a few rips in the felt chairs but for the most part, it was a very clean car inside. A cream yellow pegasus figurine hung from the rear view mirror, accompanied by a pair of normal dice.
“Feel free to sit wherever you want.” Felicity smiled as she unlocked the doors and got in. “Though please mind the ashtray - my dad uses that every time he’s in the car, and well, he’d be sort of mad.”
The ashtray was sitting precariously just behind the gear stick, held down by a blob of Blu-tack. It didn’t look it should hold on much longer. Despite my preoccupations I sat down in the front.
“So...where do you live?”
“Just outside the city – near Sunmoor.”
A wide smile appeared on her face. “Ooh, that’s near where I live! Um, hold on, let me just get this started...”
Felicity had to twist the key into the ignition several times before the old bomb of a car started.
“I, um, live in a block of apartments that way.” She put the car into gear before continuing. “It’s not that much though - only four rooms. That’s including the bathroom too. It’s home for me though, and I...um, enjoy it. Wh-what about you?”
“Live in a flat too.”
Felicity sat there a bit speechless before she gave up the conversation for lost with a sigh and drove out of the gutter. We moved into the crowded main street, packed full of homebound cars. From as far as I could see into the city, more rivers of cars streamed into the roads, illuminated by the adjacent street lights. Were it any other time, I’d be awed by the sheer scope of those many who worked within this city. However I felt that I would be lucky if I got home in an hour, let alone less than that.
Yet there was one thing that continued to nag at me as we drove along. As we came up to a set of traffic lights, I looked back to Felicity. “Why did you offer to drop me off back home?”
“Well,” Felicity stammered, “I knew that there would be no buses through there at this time--”
“Yeah, you said that already. But come on, we’re both strangers to each other. Strangers don’t offer to take others home.”
“Well, um, I-I--”
“You know what I think is happening?” I smirked as I observed her response. “I think Evan put you up to this, didn’t he? He wants you to somehow win me over to the brony cause, doesn’t he?”
“Wh-wh-what?!”
**BEEP**
Both she and I swiftly looked behind us and then back to the front before we realised the lights had gone green. Felicity appeared a bit green herself before she quickly got into gear and drove us back into the stream of cars.
“D--do you think we could talk about this later?” She grinned sheepishly as she glanced back to me.
“Right.” I rolled my eyes. “I guess we can talk about this after you drive me to the playtesting session in a few weeks.”
A hopeful smile appeared on her face as she took a quick look back at me. “Really?”
“No, that was sarcasm.” My left hand smacked into my face. “That session is the last place in this whole stinking world I would want to be.”
I was fed up. In my mind, I had just confirmed my suspicions. Maybe I was just antagonising the bronies, but I sure didn’t have any fucks to give about that. The quicker I got out of this disintegrating car and back into my flat, the better.
“If you don’t mind me asking, Andrew, um...why are you so opposed to going to the session?” Felicity glanced back at me with her mask of concern.
I kept my mouth shut.
“I mean, I wouldn’t think it’s such a bad thing. Well, I know ponies are involved, but, um, that doesn’t remove anything from the...”
Shut.
“...the gameplay? Yes, I think that’s...it. Plus you would be able to play around with the awesome stuff!”
Closed tightly.
“Arachne sounds like a pretty cool thing. Or whatever it was called. Arachnid? Aridnid? Um...”
Not a word.
“Anidiot? No, they wouldn’t name a system that...”
Oh God, why?
“Anspider? Arachnea? Hmm....iRachnid? No, it’s not an Apple product...or is it?”
My lungs were starting to convulse.
“iSpider? Oh dear, um...iRiadne?”
I couldn’t hold on for much longer.
“iRidiou? Oh, iWecouldn’tthinkofanygoodnamessoweusedsomerandomoneandputiinfrontofit.”
A few uncontrollable sniggers escaped from my mouth before I finally seized up in hysterical laughter. I never laughed this hard from something so inane, but everything about this whole situation was ridiculous. Felicity sat in what must have been shocked amazement before she joined me in laughter. It continued for what felt like hours.
I was still in hysterics when Felicity finally poked me in the side. The last few chuckles left my mouth before I realised we had stopped outside my apartment. I started to get ready to leave.
“We’re not quite there yet.” Felicity prodded my shoulder with a shy grin. “I was just about to ask you for some final directions.”
“What do you mean? We’re back at my flat.”
“Um, actually that’s my flat.”
I studied the apartment again and was about to refute her claim until I just realised the implications.
“Wait, you live here?”
“Well, I...” She looked at me for a moment before she caught on. “You live here?”
“Flat 6, second floor. Can’t miss it.”
“I live on the first floor. Flat...3.”
“But I...” I closed my eyes, trying to search my memory for her. “I’ve never even seen you before. We can’t have been missing each other all that time.”
“Well, I tend to avoid social contact.” Felicity nervously grinned at me. “I stay in my apartment most of the time.”
“Even during work.”
“Oh, no. I only occasionally work part-time starting around lunch time. As a child care helper.”
“Even on Saturdays?”
Felicity nodded with a frown. “Especially Saturday.”
I settled into my seat again.
“My brother always bugs me about me not going out. I only ever go to the brony meeting.” She smiled as she thought to herself. “Maybe he’s hoping...no, I don’t know.
“I suppose this is the last time we’ll be seeing each other, though.” A heavy sigh came from her. “Well…with the whole not-liking-ponies thing.”
We both sat there for a moment. Then I straightened up and looked at her. “Look, I’m sorry, Felicity. For earlier. It was unfair for me to think you weren’t sincere.”
She smiled back at me. “It’s alright. I probably would have thought the same were our positions switched. Also, call me Sonia.”
“Sonia?”
“My real name.” She nodded. “Felicity was chosen to be so different from my normal name that internet predators couldn’t guess who I was. Evan’s idea, not mine.”
Sonia twisted the key out of the ignition as I started to get out.
“Are you sure you won’t reconsider at least going to the session?”
I took my bag out from between my feet and slowly opened the door. “I...don’t know.”
Sonia looked at me curiously.
“Well...I guess I don’t see any real harm in going...”
A smile threatened to split her face in two.
Now I was stuck in a rut. I still didn’t really want to go, but I was too strongly attached to the group...damn my prejudices. Damn these bronies.
I sighed. “Alright, I’ll go to this...session thing.”
“ThankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouTHANKYOU!” Suddenly Sonia grabbed and hugged me so tightly my life was flashing before my eyes. Or at least I thought it was.
“Couldyouletgoofmeplease?”
Swiftly I was released back into the living world. I sat there gasping a little as I looked up at the now-blushing Sonia. “Um, erm...”
“Don’t worry about it - you only nearly gave me an early death.” I coughed a bit before smiling at her. “Also, uh, is the meeting a weekly thing?”
“Yes...why?”
“Count me in.”
Chapter 2: Eye of the Beholder
Whispers of the Arcane
Chapter 3
“So, you seek the Diamond of Ages, Michel?”
Suddenly, the room flashed brighter than the sun from the highest corner of the chamber, and my eyes beheld the dreaded sight of an ancient wizard, standing aloft on a platform with his staff aglow with magical energy.
I cringed as I stared closer at the wizard. “How the fuck do you know my name?”
“It’s not hard to realise the name of the most elusive and infamous thief of the last century.” The wizard grasped his staff and angled it down gently, somehow causing the platform to completely detach from its host wall and hover down towards my level. “The rumours surrounding how you made your way into the completely guarded Tibertan fortress continue even amongst the royal courts, that happening more than a decade ago. Believe it or not, you are perhaps the most infamous individual in all the land.”
“Let me ask again.” Out of my bag, I produced a powerful antimagic dagger and held it ready in my hand. “How the fuck do you know my name? I have never told one soul my name - even my parents don’t know it!”
“Ah, Michel, Michel.” With a fling of his hand into the air, my hand released its grip almost by itself, dropping the dagger into the abyss. “It is amusing to see how naïve you are. Allow me to explain...”
On the contrary, it amused me to see how naïve he was to believe that dagger was my only defence against him. “Fuck you, you sorcerer...thing!” With an almighty tug, I pulled out the AMR pulse device out of the bag seems random; should probably rewrite and onto the ground before pushing my foot onto the inviting red button. Stars bless the dwarves!
Actually, scratch that, screw the dwarves.
“Looks like you’ve hit a little snag, O Mighty Michel – namely, a missing battery.” Almost tauntingly, the wizard pulled the said battery out of his robes and waved it in front of my face.
“...what? How did you?!?”
“It’s magic, I don’t have to explain its intricacies to you.” Without strain, the wizard then proceeded to crush the battery entirely in his hand before throwing it away into the abyss below. He took hold of his staff in both hands. “If you were paying even the slightest bit of attention to the happenings, you might have thought that more people came here, given the preciousness and rarity of such an artefact, yet countless months were spent by you trying to find even a rumour to its whereabouts. The secret was ultimately kept by a tribe who kept to themselves in a settlement outside a cursed forest - did it not strike you as odd that you found out about it at all? You may accept it or not, Michel, yet it was I who led you to your search for the Diamond, and then guided you towards the forsaken tribe. All these steps towards ‘prosperity’ and ‘an early retirement’ were orchestrated by me.”
“Fuck you--”
“Before you try, yes, I have disarmed every other antimagic thing you have in that knapsack of yours. You thieves really are tiresome, you know that? Now shut up and listen – I’m keeping you alive for a reason.”
At a loss for words, I slowly placed my bag onto the ground before staring back up into that ancient face.
“Now, what have you been told about the Diamond of Ages? That it’s full of magical power? That it will make all your dreams come true?”
“Gee, how did you know that?” I looked up to him with pure awe and excitement. “You must be a really talented wizard to guess that--”
“Yes I did tell you that. And, none of it is true. None of it. It’s not even a pure diamond – half of it is composed completely of charcoal. This was all simply a lure, bait if you like.”
“...Right.”
The wizard sighed and slowly stepped off the platform onto a spot near my right side before taking his staff into one hand. Beckoning me to follow, he walked at a curiously quick pace to a crack on a wall of the temple. He rose up his hand to a random spot on the wall before uttering some mumbo-jumbo gibberish. Before my very eyes, the outline of the crevice glowed with a mysterious light before opening down from the crack as far down as the floor. “Michel, the truth of the matter is much graver and much more significant. I realise you have no choice in the matter now, however your skills are essential in resolving this.”
Hitching up his robes, the wizard crouched down and entered into the gaping maw
name’s still rubbish need to think of better one
plot sounds cliché? needs more p
*knock knock knock*
“Um, are you there, Andrew?”
I glanced past the doorway into the main room. “Yeah, I’ll be ready – just gimme a sec!” Taking my draftbook, I pushed away from the desk and threw the book underneath before pushing myself off the chair. Slowly, I looked around me with an examining eye. Alright, do I have everything? I plumbed the depths of my pockets and felt around for everything. Let’s see...wallet...phone...keys? Keys...fuck! Where are they? With a sigh, I stared back towards my surroundings.
You could say my flat was compact, but to me that was a bit of an under-exaggeration. The rooms generally were only about seven feet wide and long, and the ceiling was only a few inches above your head – these rooms were tiny! You’d think that would make it easier to look for the smaller possessions I owned – yet, truth be told, it was difficult to find the larger possessions I owned. It was even more difficult here in this little study of mine.
All around me were tall piles of sheets of paper with various scribblings on them, littered around the desk and on the floor, wherever there would otherwise be space. Most of these scribblings were random story ideas that I gathered, usually from my sleep or from my day. Some of these ideas were formulated to the point where I could start to work them into stories, though I still tended to work on only one story at a time to avoid virtual insanity. I think Whispers of the Arcane was the result of watching the whole Indiana Jones series overnight (though not the new one, thankfully).
Many of the half-baked ideas ended up dying in large quantities of scrunched-up balls of paper on the floor, where I missed throwing them into the bin.
There was now nothing else then but to begin my quest.
Donning my helmet and armour, I set forward - from the far west to the far east of Desktopia, I searched for the fabled Lost Keys of Studyroth. From the top of Mt Drafton, the tallest mountain of all of Studyroth, to the underground chasms of Mt Papery, I quested forth, looking everywhere I could.
Even to the depths of the ocean Floor, I plumbed my path to wherever the fabled Keys may be, fighting off many of the fierce Crumple monsters along the way.
Finally after many months, I came to the terrifying cavern of the Underdesk—
“Andrew...what are you doing?”
I pulled my head out from beneath the desk and met with the sight of a very confounded Sonia. “I was...looking for my keys.”
Sonia grinned as she produced a ring of very familiar looking keys from her handbag. “You mean these?”
“How did you--”
“You left them in the door.” Slowly, she placed the keys into my outstretched hands. “Um, why are you wearing two cardboard boxes?”
Clearly the guy who sold me my armour was a really bad blacksmith. “...No reason.”
I ripped both the boxes off within a few seconds. “Come on, let’s go!” I walked past her at a lively pace into the main room and out the door into the corridor outside my flat. Sonia followed me out a few seconds later and I closed and locked the door.
“Ohh, um, there is something I should probably mention.” Sonia fiddled a bit with her bag straps before putting the handbag over her shoulder. “Well, Windy wasn’t able to get a lift, and so...I kinda offered him one. I really hope you don’t mind?”
I shook my head as I shoved my keys into my pocket. We walked over to the elevator on the far side, and I pushed the button in on the side. No visible light change occurred. I pressed it again. Still nothing.
“Hm, that’s strange.” Sonia tried the elevator button herself with no success. “It worked fine when I used it to come up here.”
I pressed the button several more times before giving up. “Damn it all, we’ll have to go down the stairs.”
Sonia followed as I walked over to the far side of the corridor where the door to the stairwell was.
The staircase went all the way down the ground floor, though it was a pain to have to go down. The flat opposite Sonia’s was inhabited by a family with a raucous pair of kids, and there wasn’t an afternoon when you couldn’t hear them and their friends (more like gang) doing whatever they goddamned please. Usually it entailed smoking pot, swearing their heads off, and drawing giant phalluses on the walls surrounding the stairs.
As you might have guessed, I didn’t envy Sonia’s flat placement.
Going through the door into the ominous passage, we both caught a glimpse of one of their gang’s newest creations spewing out “excrement” before we quickly began paying our utmost attention to the floor. It didn’t look much better – rubbish was scattered here and there. Yet, to our disgust, there were even some suspicious white stains along the open corridor between the stairs. The air was filled with the strong scent of marijuana.
I glanced at her. “Come on, the sooner we get down these, the better.”
Sonia held her hands over her mouth, her eyes resembling for a moment those of a trapped mouse. However, she with these same eyes nodded and so followed.
As we approached the corridor, we made a sharp turn into it and ran forward alongside its wall before once again leaning around the corner into the stairs.
Looking to my side, I saw Sonia was weakening – she was already beginning to huff and puff with the strain. “Hey, don’t give up on me now!”
“I know...” Sonia stared back at me dazedly. “It’s just…these corners…”
“I know…” We leaped into the corridor bordering the first floor before stepping just as quickly down the stairs on the other side. “We are almost there!”
I coughed phlegm out as I hopped down a step at a time – it was becoming apparent I was feeling the strain now too.
Ahead of us on the wall facing us was another giant...thing touching-- oh shit, I can’t even describe it, it was so awful. I turned my complete attention to where Sonia was.
Sonia came plodding down the stairs, panting like a dog drunk with fatigue. “Andrew...I can’t!”
Reaching out my right arm as far as I could, I grabbed her left hand. “Damn it, Sonia, you can! We are not giving up!”
With one great effort, I pulled Sonia forward alongside me as we darted into the next corridor.
Our busy feet resounded in the stairwell with each steady step. Time seemed to slow down as we moved closer to our goal.
After what seemed like a lifetime, we crossed over to the corner and to the last length of stairs.
Sweat streamed from beneath my hair down the sides of my face as I forced the both of us to run the very last lengths.
“Almost...there...”
Our aching feet swam in the air down each step, paddling through our perspirations.
We jointly leaped from the stairs through the air, through the thick, dense air. In unison, we landed on the ground.
From the stairs, there was one last length – the dash for the front door, only metres away.
“Almost there!!”
With aimed precision, I launched my left hand to the door handle and twisted it open.
Like a bullet, we burst forth from the doorway.
The seconds crawled down to minutes as we journeyed over the land a centimetre at a time.
Suspended in the air, I stared out towards the street, to where Sonia’s car was parked. In the window, I could see Windy watching us with an amused grin.
Then I looked down to the grassy earth.
*THUMP*
It took a few moments for the both of us to realise we were face-first into the dirt before our nerves finally registered and began screaming to the world. If it were not bad enough that we were aching all over from the run, we now had raw bruises and scratches all on our arms and legs where we had landed.
We struggled to lift ourselves from the ground before a round arm took hold of the both of us by the arm and pulled us up. Windy (for he was the owner of the large arms) looked to each of us, mirth still dancing around the corner of his eyes. “Ye gods! Were you roleplaying or something?”
I patted the dirt off my beaten clothes as I tried to find a way to explain it without losing my breath. Just as I opened my mouth, Sonia beat me to it.
“Um, no, no....i-it’s a long story, Windy.”
“Of course, your Highness.” With a devilish smirk, Windy scrambled his hand into his pocket before taking out the pamphlet we had all seen a month before. “My lady, you’re going to need this if we’re to get anywhere.”
Sonia swept her hair back with her hand, causing a large dust cloud to cascade down. With a tired smile, she accepted the leaflet and began to read where the address was. “...Claudius...University.” Her eyes frowned as she stared closer at it. “Crayford Street...Crayford Street? Ohhh, I...I forget where that is.”
I patted Sonia’s shoulder gently. “Claudius is where I go for uni! It’s not even that easy to forget - after all, it’s not too far from where we normally meet. I’d say...” I coughed out what was left of my lungs before continuing. “It’s...it’s only about a few blocks away.”
“Then my companions, I believe that completes our preparation!” Windy pointed out to the car with a dramatic flair. “Onwards, to thou testing session!”
“Could you stop that?”
The three of us walked to the car and pulled ourselves in our respective seats. After whisking her keys out from her pocket, Sonia fiddled with them for a few seconds before finally selecting one and plugging it in. After a few twists, the car started and began to move off.
“So Andrew...” Windy propped his hands up onto my headrest as I looked behind me towards him. “What’s it like living with Flutter—Felicity?”
“We don’t live together,” I stated with a sigh, “we just live in the same set of flats. She’s more like my neighbour than anything else.”
“Well then, what’s it like being her neighbour?” Windy looked back to Sonia before leaning closer. “It must be quite...interesting.”
“Uh, I guess…I mean we’ve only known we were neighbours for the past month or so, but…yeah, I reckon she’s a good mate. We meet up every so often when we both don’t have work for coffee or something and just chat.”
“Only a mate?” Windy let out a trilling whistle.
“Yeah, only a mate.”
“Oh.” Windy paused for a moment, staring at his outstretched hands. “Seriously?”
“Well, yeah. What’s wrong with that?”
Windy lifted his arms in defence. “Nothing, there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s just that...well, I won’t say anything.”
I stared at him for a few seconds before turning back around. That was when I realised there was something very terribly wrong with Sonia.
The car groaned and wheezed as an uncharacteristically furious Sonia swerved it tightly into a small space on the side of the road. With a firm twist of the ignition key, Sonia turned to us with a vicious grimace. “You two are worse than the kids I have to look after at my job!”
Windy’s arms slackened as he turned to meet Sonia with a sheepish frown. I didn’t have the faintest clue what was happening, though my expression fell too with the dull taste of fear.
Sonia stared at us even more coldly. “Listen: if I can go the rest of this trip without hearing one peep out of either of you, we’ll be able to have lunch before the session. If not, no lunch. Got it?”
With the mention of lunch, Windy’s eyes immediately brightened and he started nodding eagerly. I nodded too, yet with no great gusto.
Slowly, Sonia’s appearance softened, bit by bit, until there was little sign of her outburst left. I almost believed it never happened. “Good. Now, um, let’s keep going.” She winded the key back around and drove the car back into the lane.
~~~~
In the distance, the Latin Tower of the university grew into the air as we drove out from the lane outside the restaurant.
“So where’s the university?”
I glanced towards Sonia, who looked at me expectedly. With caution, I like any good mime drew a zip over my mouth with my hand and pointed to the zip.
Sonia sighed with an awkward smile. “S-sorry, you can talk now...”
I pulled the zip back over. “Well, you see that tower? My uni is just over in that direction, as close as you can get.”
“Outside the front of the tower?”
I thought about it quickly. “Um...yeah! That ought to do...”
It seemed Sonia already had it planned in her mind as she steered the car like any true expert through the semi-busy roads. Driving into a street on the left, directly bordering Claudius University, Sonia gradually slowed the car down to a stop on the far side, before pulling the handbrake and twisting the key out.
“Not a bad place.” I pulled myself around to see Windy staring at the university through the window. “What did you say you studied here, Andrew?”
“Literature, though it’s boring as all hell.” I scratched my head as I looked towards the uni. “I’m leaving after I finish my book.”
“Hm, shame.”
With this, Sonia took the lead out of the car and outside onto the footpath, where we began to move towards the entrance. “Um, hey Andrew, um...do you see anyone there?”
“Well sure, I see that guy, that guy, that girl, those guys, all coming in and out of there--”
Sonia shook her head slowly. “I mean anyone we know.”
I stared at her for a while before dismissing her lack of response. “Um, well, I reckon that looks like Ergo over there.” There was a rather shady-looking fellow leaning on the side of the entrance wall, face almost completely hidden by his black hoodie. If it wasn’t Ergo, that guy was almost certainly a dead ringer for him.
Sonia began to try and get his attention. “Um...Ergo! Over here! Ergo!” The man’s head flinched upwards as Sonia continued with her semi-yelling. “We’re over here! Ergo?”
The man began to walk into the university without giving us a moment’s glance, much to Sonia’s disappointment. “Oh, I was sure it was him.”
“It is him,” Windy said, “I’d recognise that hoodie anywhere. If that’s not Ergo, then I am not Windy!”
I shook my head. “We couldn’t even see his face. That could have been anyone, and we were just shouting at them a random adverb.”
Sonia looked back towards us. “Erm, even if it was Ergo, it doesn’t make sense. Why would he ignore us?”
“You were shouting too softly?”
Windy chuckled gently. “Like Fluttershy’s cheering.”
Sonia frowned.
I threw my hands up in the air. “That could’ve been the reason. Look, it doesn’t really matter right now. We need to find your brother and the other guys.”
“He’s right.” Windy pointed outward towards the entrance. “For it t’was not ten minutes past by which they asked us to arrive here, yet not one friendly soul is available to our access.” He grimaced before lifting his arm straight up into the air. “I smell foul play!”
“Or, um, maybe they’re just late.” Sonia aimed her finger back behind us towards the main road. On the footpath, we could see approaching towards us Evan and Menchant, who both looked to be in the middle of a great argument. “Maybe I shouldn’t try to call them over this time.”
“I’ll see if I can get their attention.” Looking towards them, I waved my arms in the air for a few moments before I saw that the two had seen my arms and then us. As the two began to head towards us, we moved forward towards them before meeting them at the foot of the stairs.
“Greetings, dear sister, Windy, Andrew! It is good to see you could all make it.” Evan brushed off his coat before continuing, “My apologies for our late arrival, my computer decided to fucking die and I had enlisted Menchant to fix it.”
“Is it fixed?”
“Nay, sister. He managed to fuck it up further!” Evan stared daggers towards Menchant.
Menchant shrugged. “Just because I’m a coder doesn’t mean I know bloody everything about how Windows works.”
“Oh, so how do you get paid then? Do you just laze around playing fucking games or something?”
“Look, I do plenty of shit – I even do stuff for the government on occasion – on a Linux computer. Besides, it’s not as if many games are compatible with Linux anyway.”
“Shit, just stop it. As if anyone cares about what you fucking do with your fucking Linux!”
“What I fucking do? You wouldn’t be able to last a day on a Linux because - remind me, will you - what the fuck do you do with your shit computer? Oh that’s right, nothing but look at fucking clop-fics--”
“How dare you! I read nothing but the best fanfics the community has to offer--”
“Please, stop!” The two turned to look at Sonia, who was staring at them both desperately. “Well, I mean, um, arguing is not...not good.”
Evan sighed and looked at the ground for a moment. Slowly he looked back up with a most striking expression of remorse. “Fuck, what am I doing? I’m quarrelling with a friend right in front of my sweet innocent sister. What would Pinkie Pie think of me?” Slowly, he lifted up his fist towards Menchant. “Have my apologies for my behaviour, friend.”
Menchant looked at the proffered fist before slowly nodding. “Ah, yeah...Yeah, I’m sorry too. Brohoof?” Menchant wiggled his fist up a bit.
“Brohoof.” The two fists collided with a satisfying thump.
Windy looked at the two for a moment before a large smile grew on his face, and he began to fish in his bag for something. After a few moments, he got out a sheet of paper and a pen. “Oh boy...” No sooner did Windy begin to speak before he, caught by a sudden bout of laughter, collapsed onto the floor, chortling maniacally.
The rest of us gazed at him with very confused looks.
I prodded him with a finger. “What’s so funny?”
Windy glanced at me for a moment before writhing in mirth once more. It took roughly half a minute before he regained the will to talk. “I was just thinking...how this would make a great letter to the princess!” Windy fell back, roaring with laughter.
Evan stared at him with stern eyes. “That’s...that’s the second worst joke I’ve ever heard. It was even worse than most of Lyrinx’s jokes.” After a moment, something clicked in his head, and he looked back to the rest of us. “Oh yes, that reminds me...Lyrinx isn’t coming to the session – he says he’s got a hot date with someone. I couldn’t tell if he was being serious or not, but let’s not expect him to be here. Have any of you seen Ergo yet?”
Sonia glanced at me and Windy, before looking back to Evan. “Well...we thought we saw him walking into the university, but, um, he didn’t really respond to our calling him - my calling him.”
Evan scratched his stubble curiously. “That’s strange. I suppose he didn’t want to wait for the rest of us, though he could have said something about it.”
I shrugged. “It’s not as if he says much already.”
“Even so...well, at least we know where he is – come on, let’s follow in. You too, Windy!”
~~~~
“21, 22...23! Here we are.” We followed Evan past the side of the bustling university corridor and over towards a large door bearing a small sign displaying the label ‘A23’. Tossing the pamphlet back into his bag, he knocked upon the door several times before turning back to us with a gleeful grin. “Alright, everyone ready for the time of your lives?!?”
The group would have erupted into thunderous cheers of excitement but for Sonia fearfully shaking her head. “Um, please don’t.”
The door opened and a small man with a goatee poked his head out from behind it. “Yes?”
“Ah, greetings, good fellow.” Evan turned back around and reached out his hand, which the man reluctantly shook with a hand that he stretched out from behind the door. “We were told that a playtest session was being held here for an MMO, Friendship is Global?”
“Um...I don’t think so. Hold on, lemme check.” The man’s head disappeared behind the door as he presumably went off to do just that.
“Hm, I was sure it was the right designation.” Evan took out the pamphlet again and read it very closely.
The man’s head appeared from behind the door again after a remarkably short amount of time. “Oh yeah, the FiG guys. Yeah, they’re meeting in the broom closet.”
“The broom closet?”
“Don’t ask me, mate.” The man scratched his head. “The rest of us think they’re in there for holding interviews and stuff. We’ve only been in here for about ten minutes or so, so sorry we can’t say much else.”
“That is no problem, good fellow.” Evan smiled to him before stuffing the pamphlet back in his bag. “Now, if we could enter...?”
“Oh! Yeah, sure.” The man walked out from behind the door and pushed it open.
“Thank you, Mr...?”
“Stephenson. Um, Vance Stephenson.” Vance wringed his hands for a few seconds. “I’d better get back to my group.” After giving a nervous smile to us, Vance quickly crossed the length of the room back to where a group of similar-looking people was gathered.
“Interesting fellow...” Evan led us into the room and so my first complete impression of the room was clear. It was a fairly large computer lab as I had presumed when I saw the designation earlier, computers lining most of the horizontal wall space, bar two areas where the door back out into the corridor and another door on the far side of the room were. From my estimates, the lab must have had room to house at any given time fifty students.
Menchant stared around the room in bemusement as we moved towards the other door. “They didn’t decide to do the session in here?”
“I suppose there wasn’t room enough for the Ariadne device in here.”
“Implying it is large and blocky.”
“Well it is very new technology.” Evan scratched his head. “Anyway, if it was tiny, the university probably would not allow it on these computers. FiG likely have computers of their own set up with the Ariadne technology and whatever else they need.”
Evan knocked on this door in very much the same way he had previously. The door then opened, and a tall lanky man in a suit stepped out from behind it, meeting us all with a vast grin. “Howdy there, are you all here for the playtesting?”
I nodded, looking around at my group. And there was a very visible lack of any affirmative response from them – rather they all stared or gaped at this man like he was a god come down from Mt Olympus.
Evan was doing both. “Haaa...you’re—you’re Squees091: the creator of FiG!”
Squees’s smile was even wider. “That I am.”
Taking great care, Evan removed his pony from his head and knelt down before Squees, stretching his arms before him. “We are unworthy to meet such a god among bronies, such as you are.”
Squees laughed with great cheer, taking Evan’s arms and helping him up. “By Jove, I am but a man! If you consider anything worthy of praise, then worship my game!”
The group and I ogled him with curiosity.
“I’m kidding! Though I’m not kidding when I say you’ll love it! Now, I’m right in assuming you’ve all read the flyers we’ve sent out?”
“I have one right here!” Taking the pamphlet out again, Evan began to read from it. “‘Hey bronies and pegasisters! We at FiG would like to invite you all to playtest the newest--’”
“Then you are all aware that you are to be tested before we allow you to start?”
Evan stared further down the pamphlet with an expression of dread. “‘All those who are approved will be able to test the newest gaming technology known to mankind.’”
Menchant scrutinised the pamphlet from where he was with a hawk’s eye. “But we’ll all pass, won’t we?”
Squees shook his head. “You’ll understand with the new gaming technology we’re using, we have to be extremely careful with who is and who isn’t allowed to test our game - unfortunately, I have had to already turn away those whose medical issues would not allow them to remain in peak health. We invite you all in your interviews to make known any medical concerns or issues that may not mix well with the equipment. Are you all agreed?”
The group and I nodded, though without the same enthusiasm we had upon entering the room.
~~~~
“Alright, next!”
Those around me looked sorrier by each passing moment. I was the last one left, and everyone around me had been rejected for one reason or another. The chances for me looked slim.
“Next!”
I stepped forward towards the doorway and through, trudging my feet along the carpet with deliberate effort. A dim bulb lit the room I entered, almost half filled by a desk and those sitting behind it: Squees, and an eccentric-looking man with glasses and wiry hair. This other man was busy scribbling away in a notepad he had in front of him beside a booklet of forms.
“Howdy! Come, sit down. This is Dr Spryges, my medical consultant. He’ll be evaluating your condition based on the information you give.”
I sat down gingerly in a seat placed in front of the desk.
“Now, what’s your name?”
“Andrew...Andrew Peters.”
Dr Spryges raised his head from his work. “Middle name too, if you would not mind.”
“Um...Arthur.”
Spryges continued his writing in one of the forms. “Andrew Arthur...Peters.”
“Date of birth?”
I scratched my head. “Um, fifteenth of July, 1993.”
“Height and weight?”
I thought about it for a moment. “Um, in metric or imperial?”
Squees looked to Dr Spryges for a moment before he answered. “Imperial.”
“Then those would be...um...5 foot 11, 114 pounds.”
“Fitness level?”
The morning was still very clear in my mind. “Medium.”
“IQ?”
“I-I never took any tests...”
Dr Spryges wrote more furiously in the forms, to my discomfort.
“Any medical issues?”
“No...”
“Family history?”
I meditated on my old family life for a while before realising that my family really didn’t have any serious illnesses at all. “Well...none.”
Squees focused his eyes on me for a few seconds, and then nodded. “Excuse us for a moment.” Turning to Spryges, he spoke with him in a manner I couldn’t distinctly identify, yet with normal volume. It was almost like they conversed in a different language. Squees turned to me again. “Alright, any past testing experiences?”
“No.”
“Okay, it’s a simple deal.” Squees beckoned to Spryges for the notepad and after turning it onto a new page, placed it in front of me. “In a notepad like this, you write down what you found good, what you found bad, where there were glitches or bugs. Don’t hesitate to do what you want in the game, and do all you can.”
I was astonished. “Wait...I’m in?”
“Well, you still need to sign these forms.” Squees moved the forms over and flipped through them a bit before reaching a particular page. Passing me a pen and turning the page around, he pointed at a number of spaces that I subsequently signed. “Now...you are.”
“I’m...in?”
Squees grinned as he took a card out from within his coat and gave it to me. “This is your pass. Go to the designation written on the bottom right-hand corner, and use this to get in. Good luck!”
The card wasn’t very dissimilar from most cards that my university passed out to people – the front was covered with technical information about the degree of access and restrictions – though of course the designation for each was different (this one was E8). I put the card into my pocket and walked back out slowly before closing the door. My group still stood on the sides, now looking to me curiously.
Evan spoke first. “So...were you approved? Can you play-test?”
“...I was.”
Everyone around me became completely still.
“Y-you’re serious? You actually got in?”
“No, I’m not serious.” I took out the card and held it up. “I went into that room, and all I got was this lousy pass into the play-test session.”
What followed those last few seconds of silence must have been the most jubilant sound in all my life.
~~~~
We moved along the corridors at a vigorous pace, without even the slightest of pauses. All of us were so eager to get to E8 that we practically had to hold back our urge to run the whole way (though I’m confident that even then we would certainly have had the energy to do so).
Evan slapped my back with gusto. “I knew you would get in, Andrew! You’re too sprightly a lad not to!”
“Um...thanks, Evan.”
“No, seriously! From the moment I saw you, I was thinking to myself, ‘There’s a fellow who could go all the way to Equestria if he wanted to.’ You just did!”
“Don’t party just yet.” Menchant glanced at Evan for a second. “He still has to see if FiG’s any good or not.”
“Any good or not? By Celestia, you must be joking! Why, with such technology and such epicness, what could possibly be bad about it?”
“Well, let’s see: the graphics, the story, the gameplay mechanics--”
“Learn to recognise rhetorical questions!”
“Um, besides, Menchant, forgive me if I’m being...intrusive, but, well, weren’t you for the game when we were talking about it a few weeks back?”
“Look, Felicity, do you understand why we were going to a play-test session? To test the game.” Menchant shrugged with his hands up. “The finished product will be great - thanks to us - but this middle stage may either be very good or very bad.”
“Alright, quiet down – we’re here!” We stopped just outside a door with the desired label E8. Evan approached me with a great big grin. “Now, it is time for you to go in there and discover all that Equestria has to offer. Celestia be with you!”
I looked to everyone around me and smiled. Although but a fraction of the group were here to see me off, I was no less grateful for their farewells – the past weeks were some of the more enjoyable I had ever had. “Alright, see you later!”
“Farewell!”
“See you!”
“Bye!”
The last member stood looking almost downcast. I wondered if she somehow forgot I was going to come back. “B-b-bye!”
I held up my pass and turned back to the door. Just next to it was a small card-shaped indent that I fit the pass into. The door opened wide, and I walked all the way in.
“Ah, welcome, Mr Peters! Please, sit down.”
A smallish man was sitting behind a desk in the middle of the blindingly white room. The room apart from this man, his desk, and a chair with no back in front of it, seemed to be completely empty. As I stepped forward, the door shut with a resounding click. I took the seat with some trepidation. “Where is everything?”
“Hm? You’ll have to speak up, I’m a bit deaf.”
“I said, where is everything?”
“Where is it?”
“Yes! Where’s all the stuff: Ariadne and all that crap?”
“Oh, you won’t need it, Mr Peters.”
I stared at him. “What?”
“I said ‘You won’t need it, Mr Peters.’ Don’t worry, you’ll able to experience your world soon enough. Right, Muscles?”
“...Muscles?”
“Not you, the guy behind you.”
Suddenly I felt more dread than I had ever felt in all my life. Like any fool, I turned my seat around and met with a human-like tower. The man, if he could be called that, lowered his chiselled head down to my level and gave a deadly smile. “Hello, Mr Peters.” In a split second, he straightened back up and wound his arm up before I could protest.
*BAM*
Whatever happened next I experienced in a state of delirium. Where I was taken, and what the hell happened – shit, I cannot even remember when I woke up and fell asleep. All these moments passed me by in a measureless blur. I would not have been surprised when I finally woke up if I found that I lost half my brain cells to that punch. Unfortunately, my eventual waking was not half as pleasing as all that – I could still feel.
I awoke in a state of complete and utter agony. My mouth moved of its own accord as it screamed an unearthly cry – not only from the initial pain, but also from the pain involved in moving the jaw itself. The most I could move without more pain were my eyes, and what I saw was most juxtaposing to the situation: a garden. Or a forest. Or a jungle. To be honest, I couldn’t really fucking care at that point – I just wanted to stop hurting.
What made it worse was I knew what the pain was – I had had enough broken bones to recognise one when I broke one – and this pain coursed throughout my whole body. I can’t say how terrified I was at that point in time. For all I knew, I was abandoned here with no physical way of escape. I was going to die incapacitated by a thousand broken bones.
Without choice or reason, I began to weep. I rasped and wheezed with every painful heave of my chest, yet it was oddly satisfying to cry out the pain. I suppose it is part of what’s left of a child, the urge to cry for mama when something goes wrong or when you don’t get what you want. There was no mama here - just the echo calling from the distance.
I don’t know how long I bawled like a baby. It felt like days, though there was no real change of light. Then I heard it: a steady rhythm. Coming from something ahead of me. As I lay in my own puddle of despair, the beat of the rhythm became slowly but surely louder. I was curious enough about it to stop crying for a few moments.
It was an odd rhythm, something like one-step, two-step, one-step, two-step. It was solid and heavy, and growing louder and louder. Slowly, the beats became clear enough that I realised they were moving towards me, one step at a time. Although I was in no danger of moving anytime soon, I couldn’t help but hold my breath in panic. It could have been either my saviour, or my destroyer. My opinion slowly deteriorated as the sound became clearer.
As the sound grew closer, I became aware of a brief high-pitched whine that accompanied each and every beat. At some point during this continual rhythm, it then suddenly clicked in my mind that the sound was mechanical, almost robotic. Somehow, human technology had reached the wild reaches of the world. There was now no doubt I was going to be saved.
I opened my mouth to shout out to it, but all that exited was a mewling whimper. Better than nothing. I mewled again, and again. As much as I had to to get even the slightest of attentions from the approaching machine, I did. All this time, it came closer and closer.
Finally, I could begin to feel the vibrations in the earth as the machine came within a few metres’ reach of me. Then it stopped. As I listened vehemently, I began to hear whirring and clicking, and then a buzz. Suddenly, my hopes hit an all-time low. This did not sound good to the man in the metaphorical desert.
The buzz became louder and louder at an exponential rate, diffusing into the air as crackling sparks. The smell of ozone grew strong in the air. As the energy build-up grew larger (for this is what I assumed it was), my already-aching flesh stung from the multiplying sparks to almost what felt like a point of absolute pain.
~~~~
After that point, I must have blacked out. I can’t remember anything after that point until I woke up again in a comfortable bed. What seemed to be the interior of a very small industrial factory surrounded me. It was surprisingly quiet, given what was taking place: parts and steel and bits and pieces were being conveyed around to vices and a large furnace, yet only the odd squeak of the belts was ever heard. I supposed the films had gotten it all wrong again.
“Ah, you are awake.”
I turned all the way around to find to my astonishment an odd-looking (I couldn’t quite put my finger on it at the time) white horse with a partly blonde mane. Around its eyes, it wore a large pair of welders’ goggles that it lifted onto its forehead using its hoof upon its noticing my gaze.
“Don’t be afraid to speak or move, you should be completely fixed now. It took no pain to turn, I trust?”
I used the opportunity to swing my jaw open in amazement. It was strange enough to hear a voice and turn around to find a horse – the strangeness level increased tenfold after seeing the same horse speak as if it was a perfectly normal and ordinary thing for a horse to be doing.
“Hm? I fixed your hearing as well – you had your eardrums in the oddest conditions. I said you’re free to move and speak.”
“I, um...” I then realised how weird and wrong it felt to speak. My mouth and tongue moved in no way I had ever moved them, and...I felt I was going to speak in a completely different language, yet I completely understood what I was saying and going to say. The horse spoke in this same language that due to my familiarity I first understood to be English. I had the strangest feeling about all this.
“Ah, suit yourself. Whenever you feel like leaving, there’s an elevator that will take you to the surface. In the meantime, I have tea and coffee on the brew, cream and milk if you want that. I’ll be monitoring the factory in a room over to your right side if you need me.” The horse smiled and before going to leave, put its welders’ goggles back on.
I put the weirdness of speaking behind me before it went too far. “Wait! Where am I, and why am I thinking...a-and speaking in your language?”
The horse turned back around somewhat perplexed (even more weird than the speaking bit). “You are in Equestria, and are speaking the age-old Equestrian language.”
“No, I don’t mean that, I meant...”
The horse thought for a moment, and made a face that could have been mistaken for a mischievous look. “You mean why do you not speak the language of the eastern Griffons, or why do you not speak the language of the Hippocampi from the far west seas?”
“...I suppose?”
“You are a pony, born and bred in Equestria most likely. With such a crash as I heard, I can’t blame you for forgetting.”
“A...pony?”
“You don’t even remember what you are? Take a good look at yourself!”
A lump rose into my throat as my eyes slowly slid down to my body. A tan brown fur covered the vast breadth of my body, as fine as the horse’s own, and likely not that much different at all. I then lifted up one of my hands.
Instead of my pink fingers, I saw my arm ending at a big round hoof.
