My Little Twisted Sweet Tooth

There I was hurtling through time or space not knowing how to get myself out of this predicament. Sure, Minion would keep me alive through this but I have no means of getting back to Calypso's funhouse. Once again, I can barely move my body. Boys and Girls, do you still want that cold and lifeless hug? I still want yours.

I’m not sure how much time went by but it must have been short. I noticed a fast approaching light. It was a moon! A bright fucking moon next to a planet!

I really am in space, I thought.

This was the same damn thing Calypso did to those Outlaw siblings that won the first two contests. All I could was continue thinking due my inability to move. I could only await a rough impact with the bright sphere.

…Either I’m not going to survive this crash landing or this is going to really fucking hurt!

Boys and girls, would you believe me if I said a purplish cartoon-like horse came out of nowhere and saved me? I’m a crazy clown so it doesn’t matter either way. I'll be a good sport about it and not kill the thing right away.

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The world was vibrant with so much color disregarding the darkness of its own night. It was enough to make me puke. As she set me on the ground with some ethereal influence...magic?...she nearly yelled in a planet-shaking voice.

“WE DEMAND TO KNOW HOW A PEGASUS FLEW OUTSIDE THE LANDS OF EQUESTRIA! WHAT SAYEST THOU!?”

The resounding noise of its voice delayed my response in an attempt to regain focus.

“Pegasus? I’m nothing like…whatever the fuck you are. My presence has come from a distant star,” I replied.

…Did I just fucking rhyme?

She stared back at me coldly for quite a while then simply said, “We are going to assume thy insanity is from a lack of oxygen! Think twice about committing such a foolish act again! Next time, thou might not be so lucky as to have the aid of thy Princess!”

With that she flew off without further notice. Did she not take heed of anything out of the ordinary about me like maybe my head being on fire? Then again, I didn’t feel the burn but instead it was like I felt actual hair or nothing at all! I raised a limb up placing it on top of my head to make sure not feeling anything at first. Almost on cue my head and rear quarters were again set on fire burning my raised limb in the process. Boys and Girls, why the fuck is there a hoof where my hand should have been!?

The flying pony mentioned something about 'Pegasus'. The fuck does that mean? ...Pegasus? Noticing I was on all fours, I looked down and saw hooves had replaced my feet and hands. Calypso and his sick fucking jokes! I'll be glad once I kill the fucking freak! This is the last time that motherfucker humiliates me. If I ever get back, I will waste no time in taking his life!

It also seemed like I could flap something on my sides like extra appendages or something to which wings caught the corner of my eyes. I must be dreaming for this to be happening. Admittedly, it’s not the first time something strange happened to me…well, first time for this. Taking in the surroundings, I noticed a town behind me so that is where I headed. No talking horses were going about town at this time of night so I had some time to think about what occurred.

I almost had him! I almost had that motherfucker! I just need to find a way back., I thought while wandering the streets. There was a chair next to a nearby park in which I decided to sit down in. The sun rose long before my mind settled down. Talking horses began filling the street referring to themselves as ponies. Their mindless gossip was making me edgy. They were talking about some Princess of the Night speaking out against some other pony. I got those familiar urges but, seeing as I didn’t know what this place was, I didn’t act on them. So, I walked out of that town and headed into what looked like a forest. The way I figured it, I could always kill them later.

Over the next few days, I would walk into town gathering any useful information to help my cause and learn more about the world I was now in. It struck me odd to find that these talking ponies were so humanlike. Damn were these things talkative too! Always commenting on how I was a fucking zebra! I had to hold back sudden urges every now and then. I did find out some useful information, though. Apparently, two princess ponies, Celestia and Luna, share the task of setting/raising the sun and moon. I had met the moon princess that night. There were also three major breeds of ponies: Earth, Pegasus, and Unicorn. Unicorns could perform that magic I had seen. So, that is what I needed to do; I needed to find a powerful unicorn to send me back to my world to kill Calypso for sending me here.

The task was easier said than done. All the unicorns in that town lacked the ability I desired and thought long-distance transportation was an impossible feat. Well, at least in the time I spent in this world I learned how to fly. It was rather well too. The bumps and scrapes in failed attempts was laughable. In the nights, my dreams made me feel like someone was watching me. It was as though my mind was open to this entity and it studied everything. Being a lucid dreamer, I called out to the darkness to challenge this entity's authority. I'm not going to sleep every night just be fucking watched! The days and nights passed in this manner with no progress made. My window of opportunity seemed to be closing. That is until a certain fated night – a Nightmare Night.

I must have been in that world for months by now seeking refuge in a clearing of the forest next to that village eating the critters that inhabited it for sustenance. I wasn’t a veggie freak like them! I wasn’t even supposed to be here! This one night I caught myself staring at a full moon - I had almost crashed into a while back - for the longest time. It was then I noticed a shadow creep along its surface in an almost foreboding way. In one particular moment, the shadow seemed to catch sight of me and disappear. Next, a purple puff of cloud swirled around me and seemed to be whispering something. I listened.

“Hear us traveler from a distant star. We didn’t believe thou at first, but we have seen thy dreams. Both consisting of violence and a longing to return. We can grant that request if thou are willing to repay the favor.”

I found it odd to be granting favors from clouds but needed a solution to get back to killing Calypso.

“I hear your soliciting and am now listening.”

“She and they have mocked us for the last time. Open war is inevitable. If thou dost join us, I will return thou to where thy came from. What sayest thou?”

Having held back my urges for so long, and given promise of this reward, I more than willingly accepted the offer.

“What must I do my queen? Whom shall I make for you scream?”

Serving as Nightmare Moon’s ‘Unspoken One’ was an enjoyable sport. She even gave me light sharp metal tips on my wings since I lacked hands. Her enemies feared my presence and few lived to tell the tale. Soon they caught onto my name from survivors and inside informants. They then began to call me ‘Twisted Sweet Tooth.’ Most of the time, however, this name was shortened to ‘Twisted Sweet.’ Only death followed in my wake. Boys and Girls it was glorious! Her enemies’ screams were my passion – their flowing blood my conviction. My Queen looked upon me with favor and I returned it tenfold. Not because I fucking cared for who she was in particular but I must had seen some of my own ambitions in her like a reflection of some sort. It came to the point where I would do anything for her. Me! Fucking Sweet Tooth! The irony!

What began as a military service turned into private conversations held with my Queen. She felt her cowardly and nicer side had been locked away so as to get revenge against those who trespassed her. I provided my own sympathies in detailing the event of clawing my way out of Marcus. These private conversations continued with me feeling some sort of reflective friendship with my Queen. Boys and Girls, the many stories I told her of my past acts had her rolling in fits of laughter! It is strange to say I felt good being around her. She, in turn, told me of her dreams and aspirations similar in respects to mine. We both would get revenge, take control, and exercise our deserved freedoms! It was the first time I've ever had a true friend, Boys and Girls. I'm sure she felt the same way. Hmm, a friend I'm not willing to kill at the moment...maybe never.

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After butchering a squadron of pegasi in midflight, my queen whispered in my ear.

“Canterlot is within our reach. However, many unicorns guard its walls. There is a gift I can give but only thou are able to receive it for the task in obtaining it is very trying.”

She guided me to some far away village to perform a ritual. The village was inhabited by zebra. It was here I learned about a dangerous ritual that seared the body’s flesh with magic so as to provide a tougher skin to it in the future. I thought it was silly to resort to some ancient ritual created by paranoid zebra that, at the time, didn’t understand and feared unicorn magic. I agreed to have it done seeing as how a permanent flame on my cranium was no different.

I was wrong.

It was a little worse than a flame on the cranium. As these zebra performed the ritual – searing my skin – I writhed in pain and screamed. It took a while for the ritual to complete as it was a process that took time…a whole day I think. I couldn’t scream anymore after the first hour and laid there roasting like a Thanksgiving turkey. Soon did I realize that the initial pain subsided as time went on. By the eighth hour - I’m just taking a wild guess as to the time that went by - it felt like nothing more than a first-degree burn. When the ritual completed, I lay on the ground for a long time re-gaining my energy. The surrounding zebra were ecstatic to find I survived it as many do not. They enjoy this? Who am I kidding? I did too.

Just then I noticed the full moon high above and simply smiled happy to do my Queen's bidding and earn her friendship.

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The battle at Canterlot raged long before I got there. Many were dead but just as many were still alive. My Queen and Princess Celestia were also in attendance engaged in their own fight. As I flew closer, I saw the enemy take notice of my presence.

“The Devil Pony, itself, is coming! Fight back against the Unspoken One! Take revenge for those fallen at its hooves!”

A group of unicorns answered the call with blasts from their horns only to be surprised when it had little effect. I could still feel something but only in blasts of stronger magic. As I drew closer, their shocked faces now beamed with fear. I remember the faces clearly as I snapped their necks and slashed their bodies with the metal tips on my wings given by my queen. They weren’t all helpless. So many of them tried to fight. I think they wanted to make it fun for me. Some screamed when I started to disembowel their fellow soldiers. Then came forth Celestia’s most favored student.

She had a blonde mane, sizable horn, and green eyes glistening like emeralds. Her stride carried an air of importance that demanded respect. Her countenance displayed reassurance in her abilities to stop me. I must kill her! Make no mistake she hurt me Boys and Girls with that magic she wielded. On top of that, I couldn’t catch the teleporting bitch.

Until she got tired.

Not everyone can keep certain levels of activity up forever, Boys and Girls. Sooner or later, fatigue will take its toll. Minion provides me with limitless energy so this is not an issue with myself. In one fell swoop I ripped that horn from her head with my bare teeth. She let out such a terrible scream that even Celestia took notice as I finished the job in snapping the student's neck. This is what threw her into a frenzy I suppose as she forgot her fight with my queen and headed straight towards me.

I was ready for it.

I was anxious.

She stopped midway, though, with six pieces of jewelry appearing around her. The blast hurtled me once again into space and back to my own world.