I was standing atop of the highest building in town. Quite breathtaking view, I must say. Somewhere below, on the street, her dead body was laying in a pool of her own blood. I should’ve felt bad, but I’ve felt nothing. Like some part of me that was responsible for such feelings was as dead as the pony on the cold asphalt at the bottom of building. Maybe it was true. Or, maybe I was just disappointed. Everything I had was a realization that everything had finally come to an end.
And that was all that mattered.
Chapter 1 – Rain, Pills, Bottles
What's the world come to
When everything's going the way of the gun
What's the world come to
If life is a shadow of what has been done
A week earlier
Rain.
Hearing its noise was like taking a ram to the head. Every time raindrops crashed onto the window, this tapping sound made my head hurt, and it has been like that for almost two hours. My headaches are quite normal for me now though - they’ve been with me since the very beginning of my descent into this world of pain and sorrow. One day, a long time ago I was a good mage, a private student of Princess Celestia even, but that is all over. I will never be a mage again.
Magic was one of the reasons why my headaches appeared. It is funny how just a little spell can ruin everything: your life, your health and your relationships. Not like I don't speak with my friends, but I can't call them friends now. Or rather they can't call me a friend. We've never talked about this and they are always glad to see me, but I know they hate me. They just have to...
Not being able to bear this horrible pain, I went to the bathroom. There, at the little table a bottle of pills was laying. You may call them painkillers or analgesics, it doesn’t matter.
Since when did I stop counting pills I've taken in one day? Doesn't matter, I have nothing to lose anymore. Not even my friends. With a popping sound the bottle opens, as I pick the cap with my hoof. Only two pills left, but that would be enough. I wonder how long my liver will last at this rate. Not for too long I suppose. Painkillers can be addicting they say and I still don’t understand that one - they are bitter and definitely not something you'd want to eat regularly.
And here I am - doing that exact thing anyway.
"I wonder if I can be called an addict..."
That's right. Pills could have easily been called my only food for nearly three years now. And no matter how much I'd take, the constant pain in my head would never go away completely. It is always near, waiting for a good moment to attack again, to stab my head with a hot knife of agony, making my life impossible without drugs. And all because of one failed little spell.
I’ve heard knocking. Oh right, I was waiting for her. For my former friend Applejack.
"Hey, sugarcube" she said as I opened the door "How are ya?"
"Not bad, considering headache" I replied while letting the orange pony to come inside.
"Ya haven't been takin' pills, have ya?"
"Yes, I have."
The orange mare sighed.
"Your liver will fail if ya keep doin this, Twi. And ya know what will happen after that. You’ll die."
"Can't help it. If that is what destiny prepared for me then so be it."
Applejack looked at me. I probably didn't look presentable at all. Really big bags under my eyes were talking about obvious insomnia. A really bad insomnia I’ve been having lately. The one that continues for weeks, months even - my head isn't working well enough at this time to remember how long I haven’t been sleeping. And that wasn't the only thing. My mane was a mess, since it hasn't been brushed for a very long time now. In general, I looked like a patient of some asylum.
"Are ya okay, Twi?"
"Yes, I'm fine, Applejack."
The orange pony fixed her stetson and sighed again. It was obvious to her that I didn't really want to see her right now. Neither did I want to talk.
"Okay then," the mare got two glass bottles from her saddlebag and put them on my table. As soon as she did that, I put fourteen golden bits beside them. This apple whiskey is not cheap at all.
"I won't take your money, sugarcube. Think of it as a present."
"You shouldn't give presents to me."
"And why is that so?"
“I don’t deserve them after all that happened.”
“Huh? Did something happen'?”
With that she turned around and walked to the door. And just when her hoof was ready to open it, the mare said:
"Ah don't get it, Twilight. Ya gave up on learning magic, even gave up on being our friend. Ya work as a private eye and for the most of all ya got yourself a weapon. Why do ya need these hunks of metal?"
I took a look at my coat that was hanging on the rack. In its pocket there were two tools made of steel. A first one being a butterfly knife and the second one being a gun. “Rare Tech P100” to be exact – one of few guns that used magazines. Another gift from a friend. It had a comfort grip to hold it in your mouth, but unicorns usually used their levitation spell for that. And since my spells are quite useless, I had to get used to use my mouth. One would wonder how to reload this thing without use of magic, but the solution was simple: the creator of the gun enchanted it with a “queue spell”. And this was one of my inventions back in the days when I was a mage. All it does is automatically use spells in line, when some conditions were met; in case of the pistol – when the clip is empty. Obviously it just ejects the clip and levitates a new one in place.
I still had never used the knife or pistol and deep inside there was a hope that I never would have to. But who knows how life will turn on me? Maybe on the next case I will be attacked and will have to use my weapon to defend myself.
"Because magic doesn't always work when and as we want it to. We should know it better than anypony else," I coldly said.
“Look, if ya want to talk about that…”
“I don’t. And besides, times have changed. You can’t do too much with magic nowadays.”
That’s right. Times have changed. The once happy and bright Equestria became a dark place to live in. And the place we once knew as Ponyville… it doesn’t exist anymore. Now it is just a mask, a mere ghost of a former town. Mobsters, assassinations and smuggling are everything you can see around here when you come out at night. And taking a walk under the moonlight is not a good idea at all.
Applejack left this little island of despair she didn’t belong to. And why do I keep mistakenly calling this miserable place my room?
“Applejack. We might be friends, but if you ever cross the line…”
It was the last thing I told her.
“Don’t worry, Twi. Ah don’t work with mobsters and ya know that.”
After saying this, the orange pony closed the door.
Seeing her crossing the road from the window somehow felt bad. Maybe it was my desire to become her friend again or maybe just what left of my sorrow, something that I’ve buried deep inside of me. I couldn’t know that for sure.
Two glass bottles were looking at me with blaming eyes on a simplified photo of Applejack. It wasn’t surprising that she had her own business; I actually would be surprised if she had no such thing. These eyes were just two white dots on a black background and still… they were accusing me. Making me feel guilty even oftener than usual.
“That’s right. That’s all my fault. And you can blame me as long as you want. And you will be right.”
With those words I opened the bottle. One movement later, the gurgling amber liquid flew into the cold glass. It won’t take long for this liter of whiskey to vanish inside my stomach. Maybe half of an hour, maybe hour. But it will help me to ease the headache. It always had.
“And what do we have here?”
A sudden voice made me put my glass back on the table. From the other end of the room a pony was looking at me. Dark blue mane with purple and pink strips along. It was me. Or rather my imaginary “me”.
“Drinking again?” she asked.
“Yes. And you will not stop me.”
It wasn’t our first meeting. Encounters like this have been happening for a while, from time to time. Every time this mare appeared she was trying to make me talk with my friends.
Pft. As if I have friends now.
“And you think this is normal?”
There we go. She is doing it again.
“Perfectly normal. Do you really think they will be able to accept me after what happened?”
“Perfectly? Perfectly?!” mare exploded with rage “Look at yourself, Twilight Sparkle! Everything you do is drink whiskey and take pills! No, you don’t even take them, you eat them! For breakfast, supper and dinner!”
“So what?! It is my life! I can do anything I want!”
I couldn’t keep myself calm. I knew it was just my imagination, my subconsciousness trying to help. But even considering that I couldn’t listen to what she was saying, the truth was just too painful. However, the mare didn’t even think about stopping.
“And now you scream at the non-existing pony in an empty room. Good work, Twilight. Do you know what this is called? Schizophrenia. You know, the paranoid one. I’m sure you’ve read about it.”
“I’m not crazy!”
“You have problems, Twilight. Be it drug addiction, alcoholism or even hallucinations, you have them. And you don’t have to try solving them alone. Let your friends help.”
This was the last drop. Rage filled me and with a roar I threw the glass at this pony, but it just shattered in pieces when it hit the wall. Surprisingly, I calmed down after this. Maybe letting the anger out sometimes isn’t that bad at all. But as fast as the rage disappeared a new feeling came to me; Despair.
“I can’t… I can’t look into their eyes…”
“You can. What happened to Pinkie wasn’t your fault.”
“But… but I couldn’t save her… I couldn’t use the spell…”
I fell down to the floor with tears falling down from my eyes. My first tears in a long time. I could hold on without crying before, but no matter how much you endure, these hot drops of water will find their way out. They will flow down your cheeks, burning them, making your vision blurry. And then you will know that big part of pain went away with them. Even if only to come back later, it was something I needed.
“It’s alright, Twi” the mare went closer “Just sleep. That is all you need right now.”
It was if I could feel her hoof on my head, gently patting it, slightly messing my mane. It was so calming that after a while my eyes closed by themselves. And shortly after that I was in the Kingdom of Morpheus, still weeping in my sleep. Just like a little baby.
Author's Note
This exact chapter has also been edited by JoeAmethyst.
The chapter's title is here just because I wanted to add prologue, but it was too short for a chapter. Don't worry, there will not be any titles in next chapters.
The song in epigraph is theme song from "Sin Episodes: Episode 1"... um... actually, I have no idea, who sung this ^__^'
