Illusions and dream

by Sean_deli

Rating: everyone
Tags: Alternate Universe, Sad, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 3447

Twilight recalls her battle with the greatest Deceiver of them all

Twilight recalls her battle with the greatest Deceiver, its foul tricks and cruel blows. She recalls trying to look through illusions and see the truth.
Twilight recalls how she failed.

Published 2013-01-14 17:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-01-16 14:52:03 UTC

Aftermath

The Canterlotian – front page article:
“In the aftermath of yesterday’s terrible events, Princess Celestia has assured all citizens that the changeling threat in the capital has indeed been eliminated and that there are no reasons for panic. Princess, however, reminded ponies to stay vigilant. Individual changeling attacks are still reported in Canterlot suburbs. Acting Commander of the Royal Guard, Glimmershell asked all unicorns to report to the nearest guard encampment in order to be taught changeling-detection spell.
In other news, official wake for the recently deceased Princess Mi Amora Cadenza will be held in the Cathedral of Two Sisters…“

Extract from Damage report, col. Glimmershell, ACRG:
PRINCESSES’ EYES ONLY
“…I humbly request Your Majesties’ assistance with medical condition of the following ponies, all of which are considered to currently be in “heavy stable” state, according to their doctors:
Name of patient / Rank / Race / Nature of the wound / Source
…
- Striking Valor / Sergeant / Pegasus / Multiple lacerations / Attacked by changelings during supervision of evacuation
- Steadfast / Guardspony / Earth pony / Multiple lacerations / Attacked by changelings when overseeing wedding receptions
- Shining Armor / Commander of the Guard / Unicorn / Catatonia / Source unknown, doctors suspect magical feedback from forceful destruction of parasite link.
- Spearhead / Guardspony / Unicorn / Multiple lacerations, blunt force trauma / Attacked and trampled by changelings
Civilians
- Crust, Upper / Civilian / Unicorn / Laceration, blood loss / Attacked and fed on by a changeling
- Dash, Rainbow / Civilian / Pegasus / 2nd degree magical burns /
- Jetset / Civilian / Pegasus / Laceration, blood loss / Attacked and fed on, by a changeling
- Pie, Pinkamena Diane / Civilian / Earth pony / 2nd degree magical burns /
- Scratch, Vinyl / Civilian / Unicorn / Catatonia / Lethargic state caused by magical overstraining after she collapsed heavy duty equipment on the attacking changeling.”

Extract from Psychological evaluation, doctor Deep Psyche:
PRINCESSES’ EYES ONLY
“…Subject remains delusional. Magical evaluation proved that she is free of any active thaumaturgical influences. Some residual magical feedback or overstraining of the laylines may have been part of the cause, but unfortunately none of the doctors so far have been able to suggest a sound theory for such a persistent and peculiar condition.
Thorough examination by the alternative medicine specialist suggested by Your Majesty, resulted in the said specialist giving the following verdict (and I quote)

I know no cure for troubled mind,
Of her, who wishes she was blind.

Through the sheer willpower and extreme capacity for logical thought the Subject manages to stay aware of her delusions, allowing for this psychological evaluation to continue.
I, however, suggest limiting her exposure to other ponies (and, as we learned, zebras) to absolute minimum in order not to tax her sanity more than necessary.
M.D. Deep Psyche”

Audiolog of visitation hours, record number 6, a month after Battle for Canterlot:
(sound of the opening door)
Subject: Hi.
Visitor: Hi, Twi…I wanted…
Subject: No, still do not understand what you say. But they got me a new blackboard and chalk, so … you know… The usual: you write, I talk.
(hoofsteps)
(scribbling sound)
Subject: Yes, I kind of guessed it was you, Fluttershy. I learned to recognize your ...form. Do you say “form”? I think its form, because I can’t recognize your face. Not that changelings have faces, so it must be… Ahm… Sorry… I’m rambling.
(scribbling)
Subject: I’m fine. I am not well, but I am certainly not getting worse! That’s an improvement, right? Or rather lack of deterioration. You know, steady state. That’s what I am, I am steady! Consistent. I am consistently mad.
(fast scribbling bordering on a screech)
Subject: Well, it is the only proper term to use…
(hoofstomp)
Subject: Have you ever seen changeling trying to give you the Stare? Because it does not really work without pupils…
Visitor: (whimper)
Subject: I am sorry… It’s hard to concentrate on what I say… Let’s go back a little. I’m fine. I’m not well, but I’m fine.
(scribbling)
Subject: (dry chuckle) I am living my childhood dream – lots of reading, lots of studying and a little bit of writing.
(scribbling sound)
Subject: Oh, you won’t like what I write. It’s a research paper. Purely theoretical magical research, you know – don’t want to give gentlecolts outside the door any panic attacks. (chuckle)
(scribbling)
Subject: Usual dry, boring, unicorn stuff. I am making a compilation of works regarding thaumaturgical conductivity of nerve cells and known effects of magic overexposure in context of extreme stress…
(gentle hoofstomp, short bout of scribbling)
Subject: I am speaking Equestrian. Am I not, did I lose my speech also?! Oh, you mean that… I am trying to put together all the materials regarding how unicorn bodies process magic and what happens when we process too much of it. Specifically, when we aren’t feeling out best. You know, boring stuff.
(pause>)
(slow scribbling)
Subject: … Well, overstraining is one theory for my condition… One of many. Might not even be related you know. But if my research will not help me, there are other ponies… Other illnesses…
(scribbling sound)
Subject: … It’s nothing to be proud off. It is pretty much the only thing I am good for now… It’s not much… to rectify… what I did…
(sound of rapid hoofsteps, rustling of feathers)
Subject: (sobbing) I’m so sorry…

Audiolog of visitation hours, record number 22, six months after Battle for Canterlot:
(sound of the opening door)
Subject: Hi. I don’t think I know you. Did they explain you the procedure?
Visitor: Yeah, miss Sparkle. Let me get to it. Heh, haven’t used a blackboard since I was a filly. Wasn’t a fan back then either, by the way.
(hoofsteps)
(scribbling sound)
Subject: Pleased to meet you, Vinyl Scratch. Are these the right words? Is that what sane ponies say? You know, I don’t get out much, kind of forgotten how to talk to ponies. My friend visits me, but that’s pretty much it. Not that they are holding me here by force, no! Well, technically, yes, they are. Or rather, I choose to stay here and they make sure, that I don’t change my mind. “Change my mind”, get it? Because I’m…
Visitor: Hey, Twilight, I actually wanted to ask a question.
Subject: Oh, I am rambling again, ain’t I? Sorry, I will stop. Now, you were saying something? I mean – whatever you wanted to say, you were SAYING it. And you should be writing it, you know.
Visitor: Sorry, just one sec.
(continuous scribbling sound, interrupted by the Subject)
Subject: You read my compilation? Thanks, I am flattered. It’s just a… Oh, so you also suffered from magical overstraining during the attack? And you also were in extreme emotional state, right?! How interesting! What was that state if I can inquire? Protecting your marefriend, how sweet! Well, as sweet, as defending your loved ones from certain death at the fangs of nightmarish monsters can be. So you just recently got pulled out of the catatonic state, that’s good… Nothing fun in being a pony-sized vegetable connected to a bunch of tubes, if you ask me. And now you suffer from… what now?
Visitor: How do I spell this damned word… “Sineste”…, “sythesti”… Ah, screw it!
(scribbling sound)
Subject: What do you mean, you can now SEE music?!

Author's Note

Thanks for the comments, guys.
Initial story was supposed to be a one shot (since there isn't anywhere to go from where "Illusions and dream" ends).
And I though I was laying it pretty think in the story as well.

But comments show, that maybe I was not as clear as I should have been. As one of my teachers used to say "One, who speaks clearly, is doomed to be understood"
So instead of explaining everything in the comments, I decided to pull a "bioware" on you and add a separate Chapter wrapping things up.

P.S. The word, that last visitor is looking for, is synesthesia - an real-life condition of perceiving words and numbers as having an inherent color and/or texture.

Look in my eyes I'll make you see

I look around my cell. It was plain in its simplicity, just four walls with bookshelves, a table, a bed and a single arching window overlooking Canterlot. The window had no bars on it, because only a mad pony would try to escape the tallest spire of the Royal Sisters’ Castle using a window.
Of course the prisoner held in the spire could escape, if he or she had a daring pegasus friend, capable of flying at high speeds and of making complicated evasion tricks, that would allow the escapees to flee vicious winged guards positioned around the castle.
But I had no friends to save me. Not anymore, for they have been stolen. With a flick of the hoof I sent a book in front of me flying across the room and went to sit in front of the window. Princess Celestia would probably laugh out loud at the thought that her personal student could ever NOT feel like reading, but I didn’t even chuckle. The sucking icy feeling in my chest stole my laughter.
Everything was stolen. My laughter, my friends, my past.

***

It was all a lie. After my friends turned away from me, after my brother berated me for my concerns, after my Princess gave me a look of disappointment and contempt, I was left alone with the subject of my suspicions. And next thing I knew - I was deep underneath Canterlot, surrounded by the laughing visage of my tormentor, my battle magic flying wild and shredding boulders to dust. As one of the crystal walls fell, I saw her. And I wished, that I didn’t see.
One pony, who was like sister to me, one pony I deemed worthy of my brother’s affections, the one and only pony I had as a friend in my childhood was laying motionless on the flour. Her malnourished form and her dirt stained coat were such a stark contrast to those of the imposter I saw just a minute ago. I ran to her and pressed my head to her slender neck, trying to catch the sound of her heartbeat or the movement of her breath.
Her soft fur brushed my nuzzle, and I smelled the subtle fragrance of lilies on her skin. Awoken by my touch, Cadance laboured to speak just two words:
- Changeling… lies…
With that I lost my childhood. My memories of the better times were taken, whisked away by a cruel hoof. I cried as I ran along the corridors, the back of my mind coldly calculating ascent of the corridors and searching for drafts to guide me to the surface.
I entered the wedding hall as the reception was about to finish. Ponies gasped looking at me, my friends turned their faces away, even the Princess scolded but I didn’t care. I walked firmly, my gaze locked on the imposter. As she opened her muzzle to speak I stroke out with my magic. I did not accuse her, I did not challenge her or cried out to expose her. I was not a knight in shining armor facing the beast. I simple stroke her with all my might.
Ponies screamed, guards lunged to catch me, but in a brilliant flash of light I teleported on top of the fallen thing. My horn buzzed with magic, as I lowered my head to her chest, ready to finish the deed, if she was still alive.

I felt the slick smoothness of chitin carapace under my horn, putrid smell of acid suddenly polluting the air. Flickering green light revealed a hideous bug-like creature at my hooves with a gaping wound on her chest. She coughed and raised her hoof, still smiling, still undefeated all the way till the end.
- You will fall… My Hive will consume you… - she croaked.
As I looked to where she was pointing at, I saw the final spark of sickly green light up in my brother’s eyes, and with that the world exploded with noise.

***

The door opened with thud. I looked back at a changeling with a tray of food standing in my cell. He placed the tray on the floor, chirping in that unintelligible language of theirs.
- I can not understand you. Please, leave, - I said wearily, turning back to the window.
I really could not talk to him. I could not talk to anyone anymore, because the words themselves were stolen.
Changeling soldier shuffled out of the room quietly. I knew that there were two of them posted at my door and a dozen positioned around the spire. They knew how dangerous their prisoner was. They were taking no chances.
Not that I’ve ever planned to escape. This place was where I belonged, the heart of Equestria and home to the ponies I looked up to. The ponies that once had my unbending loyalty. Not that it mattered anymore, as my loyalty was gone.
All was gone. My loyalty, my words, my present.

***

There were thousands of them falling from the skies, outracing the pink shards of the broken shield. I thought there was just one deception, just one illusion – but myriads of black dots, like little vicious lies, were descending on Canterlot. I stroke out at them, holding nothing back. My magic flashed and burned, little beasts with slick carapaces trashing around me, their screeches almost deafening.
Somewhere behind me were my friends, still paralyzed and in shock. Somewhere behind me was my Princess, suddenly strong and authoritative, giving orders to the guardponies. Somewhere behind me was my catatonic brother, groomed for the best day in his life with shampoos that made his white coat soft and smooth. They were all behind me.

In front of me was my battle with lies.
They lunged and bit, the foul acidic smell of their bodies overpowering. I don’t know how much time passed, as I was striking them down with my magic and hitting their hard furless bodies with my hooves. They just kept on coming. The whole world flickered green, the whole world was filled with buzzing and chirping. I could hardly breathe, each time straining to produce one more strike, one more hit.

Finally I found myself in the corner of a small square, completely devoid of the beasts. For a second I rested, but then they caught up, as I saw five changelings emerge from the side street. One of the things charged me immediately, its loud chirps alerting the rest of my presence.
I blasted it square in the chest, watching it slam against the wall and tweaking slightly as it lay. One of the changelings kneeled over the fallen, but another beast roared and took to the skies, snarling loudly with hunger.
With what remained of my strength I stroke it just hard enough to send it spiraling towards its siblings. Yet again one of the healthy changelings sped to the wounded thing. I was overcome with revulsion, for I could never imagine that they fed on their own.
The remaining creature stopped, hissing and chirping loudly at me, its tiny wings buzzing.
- Back off! Back off, thing, or I will destroy you! – I panted loudly now, last of my strength leaving me.
The creature was walking towards me, quietly but deliberately. I saw hunger in its facetious eyes, the not-so-subtle body language of the predator speaking volumes, as it lowered its head and bared its fangs.
- Stop! Back off! I am not joking! No more! – I think I was hysterical at that point, my voice breaking, my lungs seizing and my knees weak.

And then it pounced. I lowered my horn, trying to summon some strength, but it grabbed my neck tightly with its hooves, pressing its head under my chin and making sure my horn was not pointed at it. I tried to struggle in terror, every second waiting for the sensation of sharp fangs ripping my throat. But it never came, only a single chip escaped my soon-to-be killer.

I was defiant. Sure, my fear was strong and my fight - pointless in the end. I lost, and all I could do was just wait for the cruel thing to stop playing with its food and finish me. I looked down at the predator, trying not to recoil from its ugly visage and dismissing the velvety sensation of its head on my neck. I saw its hooves holding me strongly, its facetious eyes closed shut, and its chest rising and dropping erratically.
- Kill me, changeling. Just do it already... – I tried to keep my calm, as I submitted to my fate.

The thing released its hold and took a step back. Its cerulean pupil-less eyes looked at me, glistening at the corners. The creature lowered its head as if hiding behind something, a gesture, that seemed strangely familiar, and slowly placed its hoof on my chest, soft and delicate touch clashing with the horrible image of a charcoal-black foreleg covered with holes. It than started moving its hoof on the ground, looking up at me tentatively, as it did.
I saw first words appear in the dust.
“Twi, please come back”

I looked around and saw an army of changelings around me. In the distance some of them were fussing over the two creatures I fell earlier. New words appeared.
“I am scared”

Two Changeling queens approached us, both towering over the lesser beasts. Though they looked exactly like the imposter I have vanquished in the wedding hall, something in their look was different. They looked hurt, they looked pleading. They looked concerned.
The lesser changeling came close to me again, its hideous head nuzzling me lightly, my senses suddenly overwhelmed with the scent of delicate spring flowers. As I looked at the ground confused, I noticed one last word added to changeling’s message.
And as I saw it, all I could mutter was “No…”

"Twi, please come back
I am scared
Shy"

***

My cell was spartan in its simplicity. I took only the most important things in my voluntary incarceration. When the realization struck, when I understood what I’ve done, when the smoke cleared - I had no future anymore. I gave it away freely, for I had no place among them. I heard the door open again, and soft hoofsteps informed me exactly who came to visit. She sat by my side, giving only short and simple chirp.
I looked at a delicate changeling next to me, just sitting there, just sharing this sunset and just giving me her company. I tried to pierce the black carapace with my gaze, tried to see pass the lies and the illusions of my mind. But yet again the great Deceiver was triumphant, laughing at me in its cruelty. It took my life away and was not willing to relinquish it back.
I signed, closed my eyes and placed my weary head on the slender changeling’s neck. She buzzed something in her unintelligible tongue.
- I am sorry Shy, I still can’t understand you. And I still can’t see past the lies. – I hid from illusions behind the darkness of my eyelids, basking in the delicate scent of flowers and the smoothness of her coat. - You should stop coming over. You should not be doing this to yourself.

My head rocked gently, as she give a short head shake, dismissing the idea. Tears fell freely down on what I wanted to see as cream colored fur, but could not.

For when my life and my future were taken away.
Kindness stayed.

Author's Note

Had this idea in my head for a while and just had to get it out. It started with reading a couple of Halloween fics and thinking, about a story where in the end neither the evil triumphs, nor all is good again.
The story where in the end ponies have to live with the consequences of their actions.

The second part of the idea came just recently, and I will qoute wiki on it.
"The Capgras delusion (or Capgras syndrome) is a disorder in which a person holds a delusion that a friend, spouse, parent, or other close family member has been replaced by an identical-looking impostor. "

Because it's whatever makes you see, makes you believe.
Over and out.