What is this?

by Major Awesome

Rating: teen
Tags: Human, Comedy, Crossover
Length: 3647

after visiting Equestria, i accidentally leave something behind, leading everypony to wonder what it is

I find a portal to equestria and after meeting pinkie pie, she reminds how cliche that is and on my way to fix it, i lose something that leaves everypony confused, what could it be? nopony seems to know…

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-03-16 16:21:57 UTC

Long-ass intro

I live my life just like any other brony. I lead a normal life, have a lot of friends, and just happen to enjoy My Little Pony every once in a while, despite beong a 17-year-old, male. One day, while I'm watching one of my favorite episodes, the Hearth's Warming Eve one, I get to thinking, I wonder what it would be like to actually be there, watching their play? In their world? Just as I finish that thought, I hear something loud happening in my closet, I turn to look and see some sort of portal forming. I look inside and the other end of the portal looks... familiar. I take a closer look and accidentally fall in. As a look around I wonder, Why does this place look so damn familiar?

“Hey! Who are you?” I turn around and see a bright pink pony with a mane a darker shade of pink.

“Pinkie Pie?” I ask in shock. That’s why this place is so familiar! She began to talk insanely fast, like she did when she threw that party after she first met Twilight in the pilot.

“Are you a human? I’ve never seen a human before! Well, except for the time when I visited this guy who took care of Dashie for fifteen years! He seemed nice, even though made me cry! I didn’t catch his name! How can you stand walking on your two hind-legs like that? Are those fingers? Don’t go near my friend, Lyra with those, she’ll FREAK OUT! How did you get here? And why did-”

I was finally able to stop her with a simple hand-gesture, which was amazingly effective. “Pinkie, I love you! You’re my favorite pony, but right now, it’s getting a bit too much!” I say as I rub the sides of my head, trying to reduce the effects of my already-unbearable migraine. How the hell can anypony put up with her?

She continued to talk, gradually gaining speed as she went. “Oh, sorry! I tend to talk a lot! I don’t try to; Twilight thinks I might have ADD or something, whatever that is! I noticed that spells ‘add’ like adding numbers! Isn’t adding fun? Like this one time-“

“PINKIE!”

“Oh sorry… again!” there was a long awkward silence, until the pink pony finally said, surprisingly calmly, “So, how did you get here?”

“Well I don’t really know to be honest, this portal formed out of nowhere in my closet back on Earth-”

“CLICHÉ!” Pinkie shouted with a sing-song tone in her voice.

“What?” I asked confused.

“Well it’s just that portal from your world that leads to ours! That’s been done to death! Too many bronies are writing that in their MLP fanfictions! It’s so cliché now!”

Damn! I forgot! That IS a cliché! How could I forget that? I thought. “So, um…” I started, awkwardly, “I’m gonna go back to my world now, and think of something more original and be back using that method, OK?”

“Sounds like a plan!”

“OK! There’s the portal!” I pointed to the portal a few feet to my left, “I’m gonna go back to my world and write that out of the story!” So I left.

*****************

(As I’m leaving through the portal, from a narrative POV)

“OK! Bye, weird looking, humaney friend!” As Pinkie Pie’s new friend was leaving, she saw a small black, rectangle thingy fall out of his pocket. The portal quickly disappeared as he left, otherwise she would have made an attempt to return it. He didn’t waste anytime writing that out of the story, did he? Pinkie thought. She went to go pick the rectangle up, wondering what it was, she saw a button with a square on it and decided to push it. She then saw this picture:

“HA! That’s my friend, Twilight! Look it’s my friend, Twilight!” Pinkie yelled as she shoved the device in Bon Bon’s face, who happened to be walking by.

“Leave me alone I’m very busy!” the latter yelled, with an annoyed tone in her current voice.

“What the hay is this?” Pinkie wondered aloud, looking at the black brick. “I should take this to Twilight, she might know what it is! She’s really smart!”

*****************

(later, at the Twibrary)

“Spike, where are my quills?” asked a certain purple unicorn.

“Where they always are: In your desk by the fiction section, why?” her similarly-colored assistant replied.

“Because I need them.”

Not wanting to question her for details, knowing that her answer would branch off into more questions, which, in turn, would branch off again into even more questions, he decided to leave it at that.

“HEY, TWILIGHT!” Pinkie yelled as she popped out of the drawer Twilight was looking in for her quills.

“AAAUGH!” Twilight screamed in shock, as she was not expecting Pinkie Pie, or ANYpony for that matter, to be in her desk. “How the hay did you get in there?!”

“I was wondering,” Pinkie took out her brick-looking thing. “What do you think this is?”

Twilight was too confused to speak. It took great effort to complete a simple thought, “I-I… I don’t… know! Where’d you get it?”

I can’t tell her about the humans or the fourth wall yet, it is not yet time. She could end up betraying me once my battle against the fourth wall begins. I still need time to learn to trust her. Pinkie thought to herself “I just found it lying in the street!” she lied.

“Well whatever it is, we should ask Rainbow Dash, she might know!”

*****************

(later, Rainbow Dash shows up to the Twibrary)

“How the hay should I know?” The Wonderbolt-wannabe responded when questioned about the device. “It looks like something Rarity would use, let’s ask her!”

*****************

(this process repeats until the rest of the Mane Six, and for some reason, Lyra, are all gathered at the Twibrary)

“Oh my Celestia! Are those FINGERPRINTS?!?!” the mint-colored, unicorn asked in excitement when presented Pinkie’s new-found treasure.

“What-prints?” Rainbow Dash asked even more confused than ever.

“Umm, nothing!” the embarrassed Lyra mumbled.

“Lyra, what are you even doing here? Shouldn’t you be hanging with your girlfriend, Bon Bon?” the pegasis taunted.

“She’s not my girlfriend!” Lyra argued. “Why does everpony always assume that? So we hang out together, yes! But that doesn’t mean we’re dating! We’re just really close friends! Nopony thinks Vinyl Scratch and Octavia are going out! Or Derpy and Carrottop!”

“Geez! Sorry! Why so suddenly hostile?”

“Sorry, after hearing that everyday it gets really annoying! It doesn’t even make any sense!”

“Guys!” Twilight yelled. “We’re losing focus on what’s important!”

*****************

(meanwhile, back on earth, in my POV)

“OK, an original way to get to Equestria! Original, original, original!” I pondered. “A child’s wish? No! I wake up as a pony one morning? No! A magic well in my backyard that takes me to Equestria? NO! I think Inuyasha already did that last one! Dammit! This is a lot harder than I thought!” I decide to call my brony friend, David, to see if he has any ideas. I reach for my iPhone to find it’s not in my pocket. Oh dear God! “DID I LOSE THAT IN EQUESTRIA?!?! SON OF A BIT-”

*****************

(back in Equestria)

“So does anypony have any idea what this could be?” a purple unicorn asked, hoping for any kind of story.

“Ooh! Me! Me! Me! Pick me! PICK ME! MEMEMEMEMEMEMEME!” Pinkie yelled, eager to give her story.

“Applejack? Any ideas?” Twilight asked.

“Sure! Ah got one!” Applejack responded.

“Aaaawwww!” a disappointed Pinkie Pie exclaimed.

Applejack's Story

“Judgin’ from the big apple on the back of it,” the orange earth pony started, referring to the Apple logo, “Ah’m guessin’ that it has somethin’ to do with apples, maybe Granny Smith could tell us some-”

“NO!” Rainbow Dash yelled, annoyed, “We already have too many ponies in here! If we bring anypony else in, all that would do is add to the confusion!”

“I agree,” Twilight said, “I wouldn’t exactly put it like that, but she’s right! Nopony else comes in here!” she concluded as she magically slammed the door shut and locked it.

“Anyway…” Applejack continued, “It might be some sort of apple-related device, I have tons of apple-related gadgets like that back in Sweet Apple Acres, though…” she looked at the device, with confusion in her voice and face, “Ah’ve never seen one so… small! What happens when you push that button there? That could tell us somethin’”

“Button?” Twilight replied, she looked down and saw the home button, slightly embarrassed that she didn’t notice it earlier, “Oh I don’t know, I’ll give it a try!” she does so and sees the same picture Pinkie Pie saw earlier and blushed, slightly. “I-i-it’s…” she paused for what seemed like a few minutes.

“Well, spit it out already! What is it?” an impatient Rainbow Dash yelled.

“It’s… me? Where would somepony get a picture of me?” seeing my wallpaper of her left her more shocked and confused than a certain somepony’s “Pinkie Sense.”

“Well it could be magic or somethin’” Applejack guessed, nopony seeming confused at all about Twilight’s possible stalker, “bein’ as how you’re the Element of Magic an’ all. Maybe it’s s magic radar that detects and separates the good apples from the bad, or somethin’”

It took Twilight a few minutes to respond, still being shocked and suspicious that somepony got a picture of her and put it in this device, all without her having any clue it was happening, “…Interesting…” she finally said, she decided to disregard the picture because last time she dwelled on something like that she ended up enchanting her Smarty Pants doll and causing the whole town to lose their minds. “Let’s test that out! Anypony got an apple?”

“Ooh! I do!” Pinkie yelled, then she pulled an apple out of nowhere in particular and put it next to the device and watched the latter. After a few minutes, nothing happened.

“Well it can’t be that! Hmm…” Twilight thought for a minute

“But it has an apple on it so it must be somethin’ apple-related!” AJ finally said.

“Or it could be a logo of some sort and not have anything to do with apples at all!” Twilight theorized.

Rainbow decided to butt in at this point. “That sounds so stupid! Why would somepony make a logo or name for a company when the company and logo have nothing to do with each other? Like, imagine a computer program named ‘Adobe’ but not have anything to do with bricks! That’d be insane! They’d be out of business in a week!”

“You do have a point, Rainbow, but you don’t have to be so rude about it!” Twilight responded. Rainbow Dash just shrugged.

“Well Ah’m stumped, then! If it’s not apple-related and it’s not a logo or nothin’ then Ah really have no idea what it could be!” Applejack finally said in defeat.

“Well, about those fingerprints…” Lyra began, not noticing that nopony is really listening, “I’ve seen many of those things before, they’re called iPhones and humans use them all the time, I have no idea what they do, but if humans love them so much, then I want one! I’ve even plastered a few fingerprints to extract their human DNA so that I could one day, fulfill my dream of becoming a human! In fact I even have a couple hundred phones stashed away at my house! I’ve almost figured them out, I can even take one apart and reassemble them, flawlessly, without even looking! And Rainbow Dash, about that Adobe thing you mentioned earlier, you’d be surprised, Adobe is also a common human thing, and they’re a BIG business! They make about 1.125 billion dollars a year, that’s human currency by the way, I’m not sure how much a dollar is in bits but I think it might be about 4 to 5 dollars a bit, I’ve figure out that one of Applejack’s pies cost 2 bits while they cost about 8 to 10 in dollars, so it’s a simple matter of division. Also have you guys ever heard of bronies? They’re a group of people who-” Lyra was suddenly cut off by a certain over active party pony.

“Guys, guys, guys! Can I PLEASE tell my story now? I wanna tell the story!” she started bouncing in circles around her other friends, in annoyance that her friends won’t listen, and desperation to get her story out, the latter was more noticable in her tone of voice. “Iwannatellthestory! Iwannatellthestory! Iwanna-” then she, too was interrupted, only this time by a hoof held at the perfect elevation to collide with her face, though she didn’t feel any pain or any other kind of sensation for that matter, which was especially odd considering how painful it looked. She didn’t seem to be at all affected by it because when she spoke next, her tone was completely normal with no pain or discomfort to be noticed. But then again, that was just Pinkie being Pinkie! “So can I tell my story now? PLEEEEAAAASEEE?!?!”

Twilight thought for a moment, If there’s one thing I’m certain of, it’s that it’s not gonna make any sense at all, still, I should at least humor her, considering she’s so excited to tell her story… and I practically just punched her in the face!  “OK fine, I know I’m gonna regret this but…” she let out a deep sigh, aware of the insanity that would no doubt unfold as she asked the question: “What do you think it is, Pinkie?”

Unable to contain he excitement as she was finally allowed to speak, Pinkie wasted no time getting started, “Well earlier today…”

Pinkie Pie's Story

Part III: Pinkie Pie's Story

(back on Earth, about ten minutes ago, my first person POV)

“Original… original…” I thought to myself as a carefully studied the Pinkie Pie plushie I recently bought from Hot Topic, getting off-track, I start thinking irrationally and completely forget about my story, “Pinkie Pie!” I said as I stared into the plushie’s eyes, “I wish you were real! Like you can actually talk and stuff!”

Just as I finish that sentence I start to see some sort of magic forming around the doll as it starts glowing, “What the hell?” then suddenly the plushie comes to life and grows to normal size and start breathing, being that I’ve read a lot of fanfics, I’ve come to easily believe such peculiar happenings. “Pinkie?” I ask, wondering if this was the real life, or if it’s just fantasy.

“Yes?” the pink pony responded.

“Oh my god this is really happening! I’M talking to PINKIE PIE!” I meant to think that in my head, but apparently I said it aloud, I know that because Pinkie answered with,

“Yes! Yes it is!” I wondered if she was the same Pinkie Pie I had met in Equestria just a few days ago! Then I remembered my story. Oh my god! My story! This is the perfect opportunity! I then reminded her of our little encounter back in Equestria and apparently, she’s not the same Pinkie from Equestria, physically, but she still has her memories as she immediately knew exactly what I was talking about when I mentioned my phone.

“Do you remember that black thing that fell out of my pocket, just as I was leaving Equestria?”

“Yeah!”

“Well, what do you think this is?”

“Well earlier today…” she started. I got on my computer and typed everything she said.

*****************

(Interior of  Twibrary, in Equestria, present time, narrative POV)

“…I met this, um, COLT! That’s it!” not wanting to mention me as a human, she replaced me with a colt, to keep everypony from getting suspicious. “And this fell out of his pocket.” She continued, referring to my phone.

“I thought you said you found it in the street!” Twilight interjected.

“Don’t interrupt me!” Pinkie shouted back, “Anyway…” she then went on to tell an intensely insane story that didn’t make any sense at all, even for Pinkie standards. “And then this cyborg zombie-pony from space showed up…”

Everypony was getting annoyed and confused. Fast.

“And he was all like ‘Yes!’ and I was all like ‘No!’ And he was all like…”

This went on for days.

“So I had to fight all twelve ninjas by myself, with a broken hoof!”

Rainbow Dash and Rarity got so bored, they eventually felt themselves aging.

“And Marcus yelled, ‘Dom! We need to bring down the hammer!’ And Dom was like, ‘I don’t wanna!’”

This was not going to stop anytime soon.

“And Applejack yelled at Twilight: ‘Forget you, I can eat ALL these apples’ And Fluttershy said something about a shed…”

This had to stop.

“QUIIIIEEET!!!” Twilight yelled, not being able to keep contained anymore, waking everypony up. Everypony except Lyra, who somehow stayed awake, carefully listening and Twilight could’ve sworn she saw her taking notes.

“And then I said ‘Oatmeal are you craze-’ Oh.” Pinkie felt a bit awkward.

“Pinkie, could you maybe sum this up?” Twilight asked through a yawn, as she looked at her calendar. “It’s been three days! Do you think you could tell us the short version of your story?”

“I was telling the short version of my story!” she responded.

Twilight felt herself die a little inside, Thank Celestia we’re not hearing the FULL version of her story! She thought, trying to stay optimistic. I don’t think I could last that long, I barely made it THIS far! She mentally concluded. You know, I can hear everything you just thought, right? Pinkie thought, but in Twilight’s mind. Note to self: Figure that part out later with some aspirin, then try to forget this whole episode. Twilight thought, feeling herself slowly drift into literal insanity. She levitated a random book towards her eyes to read it.

“What’cha readin’ about?” Pinkie asked.

“I don’t know and I don’t care, I just need to read something that makes sense before I end up losing my mind!” Twilight answered.

“Can I finish my story now?”

Applejack froze. This is how I DIE! She thought.

“Anyway…” Pinkie started.

Oh Dear Celestia! What have I done to deserve this punishment? Rainbow Dash thought. Is this because I told Scootaloo I’d miss her birthday party to sign up for the Wonderbolts? But instead I blew her off just to take a nap all day? Or the time I told everypony in town about Fluttershy’s crush on Big Mac even though I swore secrecy? Or when I- Rainbow came to a sudden realization. Sweet Celestia! I deserve every bit of this! Rainbow thought, finally acknowledging her conscience.

Pinkie had apparently gained all her momentum back and then some, not caring that Twilight wasn’t listening to a word she said anymore.

“And Tom Flanks looked Private Ryan right in the eyes and said, ‘Earn this!’”

Here we go again.

“‘Which one of you is the REAL Dirty Dan?’”

Lyra had several pages of notes already, more notes than Twilght usually takes on magic in a week.

“I’m so sick and tired of being admired that I was that I would just DIE or get fired!”

You noticing all my references?

“And the Scout said ‘What, are you? President of his fan club?’ and the Spy said, ‘No! That would be your mother!’”

How long was this going to go on for?

“Peter Pony picked a peck of pickled feathers!”

I think Rarity just died.

“And that’s how Equestria was made!” Pinkie concluded. She was apparently finished, as she stopped talking and simply stared at her half-dead audience, watching and waiting for a reply.

It took Twilight about thirty seconds to realize Pinkie was done, as she had put ear-buds in two hours ago. Praise the lord, Sweet Day-bringing Celestia it’s finally over! Twilight thought, relieved that she could, yet keep her sanity intact.

“Well that was, uh… an interesting story, Pinkie! Lot of, uh, let’s see… details?”

“Yeah I had a lot of fun telling it! My favorite was the part where Sgt Johnson said ‘Send me out! With a BANG!’ or maybe when Ferris Bueller got the whole town to sing at that parade! Or maybe when-” I have to stop this now before I get sued

“So anyway, who else has an idea?” Twilight interrupted, as if she knew the dangers of copyright infringement. Lyra wasn’t paying attention, as she was studying her notes to learn more about the devices she had stashed at home. Rarity, who apparently wasn’t dead, got up and announced:

“Darling, I might have an idea. Don’t worry, this won’t take three days to tell, just a few hours at most.”

“Well, we only have time for two more stories, so somepony’s not going to get tell hers. Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy?” Twilight looked at the aforementioned pegasi. “Do either of you mind giving up your story?”

Fluttershy, not trying to be too pushy, gave up her chance without a second thought. “Oh! I don’t mind not talking. I haven’t the slightest clue anyway. Rainbow should tell hers instead, I bet it’ll be much more informative then anything I could ever come up with.”

“Gee, thanks, Flutters!” Rainbow said giving Fluttershy a thankful hug. “I’ll make sure it’ll be twice as awesome to make up for it! Deal?”

“No problem Dashie!” Fluttershy acknowledged, “I was actually kind of looking forward to hear your story the whole time!” Rainbow’s face turned red with flattery and she gave her yellow Pegasus friend another big hug.

“Thank you!” she repeated.

“Darling, that was so sweet!” Rarity commented.

“So Rarity, your thoughts on this device?” Twilight asked, eager to hear something that wouldn’t drive a pony to insanity for once.

“Oh! OK! Allow to paint the proper scene…” Rarity started.