It wasn't unusual for Applejack to be up before the crack of dawn. She had things to get done and waiting for sunlight before beginning was just a waste of time. Crops needed tending, soil needed turning, equipment needed fixing, and family needed feeding. Usually Big Macintosh was up right around the same time. He'd lumber past her into the rest room with barely a grunt of greeting once she was finished. They had a nice routine going and had ever since she was old enough to start doing a lot of the farm chores on her own. Hardly a word passed between the two but they didn't need words to communicate anymore. Most of the time all it took was a look and they knew what the other was thinking or about to do. At least when it came to work, anyway.
This morning was a little different for the orange earth pony. When she opened her eyes to the hazy light before dawn she didn't feel ready to go. In fact, all she wanted to do was roll over and pull the blankets back up over her head. Sleep was a luxury she was not afforded last night and it was shown by the heavy bags under her eyes. If only she could just go back to sleep and skip this day entirely. But that niggling feeling awoke in the back of her mind, the one that told her if she didn't get up right then and there she would miss her chance. So with a very heavy sigh she threw back her blankets and put her hooves on the floor.
The process of brushing her teeth and getting her mane and tail brushed out wasn't a long one, especially since she wasn't bothering with hair ties or even a hat just yet. Those were still on her bedside table and would stay there until she got back. With one last look at herself in the mirror, Applejack opened the door and tip-hoofed out into the hallway. She glanced at the closed door to her brother's room and held her breath until she heard the rumble of his snoring. Satisfied, she crept quietly down the stairs, into the main part of the house, then outside onto the front porch and down the steps.
The air was chilly and breezy and one glance at the sky said she'd lounged in bed a little too long. The sun would be rising soon and she didn't want to miss it. Still there was on more thing to be done before she could leave the farm. She needed flowers, and not just any kind of flowers. They had to be the wild ones that grew on the west side of the south field. Lupine, sunflowers, poppies, daisies, zinnias and of course morning glory. She couldn't forget the morning glory. Once her bouquet was picked and arranged, Applejack gripped it carefully in her mouth and headed for her destination.
This was a journey she would be making more than once today. Though the path was familiar it was not one she took often. In fact, in her opinion, she took it far too many times than she ever would have liked to.
Ponyville Cemetary was always one of the prettiest spots that no one went to for the view. It was out past the town and set on a wide sloping hill that overlooked everything. She could see each and every one of her friend's houses as well as Sweet Apple Acres. If there was a finer place for a final resting place, Applejack didn't know of one, especially in the soft light before darkness had gone and morning washed over the land.
With the bouquet still in her mouth, Applejack wove her way through headstones, casually giving some of them a once-over as she went. There were names as old as Ponyville itself, relatives of ponies she'd known for a good many years. There was hardly a family that hadn't seen the loss of somepony they cared for and all eventually found themselves up on that same hill paying the same respects. It was hard not to wonder who else had traditions like she and her family did. Like her being there now. It was hard to remember when it started but Applejack had begun to come down before her family every year. Like she wanted some private time to mourn for herself so she could be there for the others and be the strong one for them to lean on. Celestia knew even Big Mac needed to cry once in awhile.
When she finally came to her destination, Applejack slowed and let out a slow breath. She stood before two headstones, the chilly morning wind tossing her loose mane about her face. Green eyes trailed over the inscriptions of the simple stones; “In Loving Memory: Crispin Apple – Son, Brother, Father.” Then there was “In Loving Memory: Bumblesweet Apple – Daughter, Sister, Mother.” Bending, Applejack laid the wildflowers on the ground before her mother's headstone, then took a sunflower from the bouquet and placed it by her father's stone. “Hey, Mama. Pops. Sorry I'm late. Hard a hard time getting' outta bed this mornin.” She tucked her legs under her and rested between the two stones, smirking at her father's in particular. “I always was like you in that department, Pops. Once I'm outta bed I'm good to go. It's just the gettin' up part I got trouble with.” A quiet laugh passed her lips. “But you think I'm bad you should see the fits I gotta put up with sometimes with Apple Bloom. That filly would sleep all day if we let her. Well unless she's got some crusadin' to do of course.” Her attention went to her mother's stone and her smile dropped slightly. “She still ain't got her cutie mark but I know it's comin'. Big Macintosh an' I are gonna start placing bets here soon.”
She looked at the flowers she'd brought and lifted a hoof to brush her mane from her face. “The cornflowers didn't spring up right this year or else I would've brought you some of them, too. I didn't think you'd mind so long as I brought you your morning glories.” Applejack lowered her head to take in their rich scent and closed her eyes. “I still can't smell them without thinkin' of you, Mama. Apple Bloom was too young to remember so she doesn't get it, but every time I bring some of those flowers in the rest of us kind of have to stop an' just smile. Somehow it makes it feel like you're right there with us, even if it's only for a minute.”
The wind whipped around her, moving in every which direction before blowing directly at her and carrying the fragrant perfume of all the flowers toward her. It was as though her mother was answering her somehow, embracing her in the only way she could and it brought tears to Applejack's eyes. She sniffled and shook her head, never one to be comfortable getting emotional. “You'd think I'd be done with this cryin' stuff by now. Y'all have been gone for ten years. Is it ever not gonna hurt like it did when it happened?”
That was a night she would never forget. Her parents had gone to Canterlot earlier in the day to deliver the finest of that years cider. When they hadn't come back by the time Granny was putting the young ones to bed it hadn't been a great source of concern. After all, it was a long journey and Crispin and Bumblesweet said they might very well stay the night in the royal city. Apple Bloom was not even a year old by then, but she could survive a night with Granny Smith looking after her. Even if her crying and hollering said otherwise. It was about the tenth time Applejack got up to see if she could help quiet her baby sister when she heard Granny Smith talking to somepony downstairs.
It wasn't raining, there were no winds howling, even Apple Bloom had mysteriously quieted. Everything just sort of stopped all around her and she heard every word as clear as if they had been spoken directly to her.
“It looks like they tried to fix the broken wheel themselves. The cart must not have been balanced right. It must have fallen on top of them before it fell over the side of the mountain path. There was nothing left but this hat. We're so sorry.”
Applejack buried her face in her forelegs feeling every bit as hurt as she had that night. For a long time there had been anger in her sobs, declarations of hatred over being left behind and being abandoned. Then it just turned into a hollow sadness that left her feeling spent and numb. That was the stage that lasted the longest and was responsible for her work ethic. She's thrown herself into farm life so completely in hopes of replacing the sorrow with something else that she'd turned herself into the dedicated pony she was now. She was able to mask her sorrow with smiles and friendliness, but the hole in her heart never really began to heal until she met her best friends. Only then did she realize it was okay to be sad and still miss her parents, but she couldn't let it dictate how she lived her life.
“I miss you both so much,” she whispered thickly, green eyes flickering from one headstone to the other. “I smell those flowers an' I wear Grandaddy's hat, the one you always used to wear, Pops, an' I swear it's like you're with me every day. But I still miss you. Big Macintosh an' Granny Smith miss you. Apple Bloom...she aches for you. She should've grown up with a proper mama an' daddy, not two siblings an' a gran'mare lookin' after her. She never really knew you but she wishes you were here. I see it in her every time somethin' happens at school or she gets excited about somethin' she's done. But I tell her about you as often as I can. She knows who you are an' I bet she loves you as much as if you were here.” She took in a shaky breath and pushed her mane from her face again. The simple action made a smile peek through her tears. “I remember how you used to always tell me I had such a pretty mane, Mama, an' how I should wear it loose more often. I did it just for you but I ain't gonna lie. Soon as I get back to the farm it's gettin' outta my face an' my hat's goin' back on. Pops' hat. I try to never be without it for too long an' I try not to let Rainbow steal it too often. Maybe someday I'll tell her why it means so much to me; she's always teasin' me about wearin' it all the time. For now I like just the family knowin'.”
The sky was growing lighter by the minute and soon the sun would break the crest of the horizon. Coming to see her parents first was only part of her tradition. The other part was watching the sunrise with them. Lifting herself into a sitting position, Applejack shook her mane out and took in a deep breath of air. It was then that something caught her eye. More accurately, somepony. He was just a bit farther up the hill, past a tall weeping willow, his head down and his withers shaking slightly. Though his back was to her, Applejack recognized the dusky blue coat and white and silver wavy mane and tail. So it looked like she wasn't the only one remembering someone today. A part of her thought she should go up and say something to Pokey, the other said she should stay right where she was, keep to herself and watch the sunrise. It was what her pop would do. Biting her bottom lip stubbornly, she turned her attention back to the horizon and stayed firmly planted where she sat.
Then the wind blew again, mixing up the scent of the flowers to surround her. Applejack practically whined as she looked at her mother's headstone. “But Mama,” she whispered. The wind blew against her again, harder this time, and Applejack growled under her breath. “Fine.” Begrudgingly she got to her hooves, her lips pressed together in a thin, tight line of irritation. Her mother wasn't even alive and she was still telling Applejack what to do.
Ever so slowly she began to climb what was left of the hill. Some ponies wanted to be alone in their grief and she imagined it was even more so in stallions. They were supposed to be tough and nopony should ever see them cry, let alone a mare. How would Pokey Pierce react to her intrusion? She knew if she was in his horseshoes she'd be pretty bothered. They knew each other well enough but it wasn't like they were close friends or anything. This had the potential to be a complete disaster. Taking a deep breath in as she drew up behind him, Applejack prepared herself for the worst.
“...uh...Pokey?”
The stallion startled and jumped to his hooves, whipping around so quickly that it make Applejack instinctively draw back.
“Sorry,” she said quickly. “I didn't mean to scare you. I just saw you over here an' thought...” Her sentence hung unfinished in the air. He was looking at her with red eyes, the fur on his face damp and his expression confused. “Nevermind. Sorry I bothered you.”
“Applejack, wait.” She'd started to turn back but hesitated at his tremulous voice. Turning slightly, she looked over her withers at him. Pokey dried his face on his foreleg as subtly as he could, then cleared his throat. “I didn't think anypony else would be up here this time of the morning.”
“Me neither. Kind of the reason why I'm here.” She glanced at the simple headstone he stood in front of, unsure of what else to say.
“Is it your anniversary?”
Applejack blinked, her gaze lifting to meet Pokey's hazel eyes. “Beg your pardon?”
“For your parents, I mean. I didn't realize it was so close to the time I lost my brother.”
“You know my parents? You have a brother?” She turned around completely now, Pokey no longer the one looking confused. It made the stallion give a soft laugh.
“I did have a brother, yes. And I knew your parents, of course. Everypony knew your parents. You didn't invent cider, you know.”
Color rushed to her cheeks and Applejack shuffled her hooves. “Oh, yeah. Right. Sometimes I forget they weren't just a part of my family's life but knew a whole bunch'a other ponies, too.” Feeling awkward, she looked at him once more. “Sorry I didn't know you had a brother.”
“It's all right. It's not like we were ever friends or anything.”
For some reason the statement stung. But why? Hadn't she just been thinking practically the same thing? “When did he...I mean, when did you lose him?”
“Six years ago.” He turned back toward the grave and sat, eyes sad once more. “He got sick one day and just stopped eating. Stopped doing anything, really. Within a week he was gone.”
Applejack shook her head and moved to sit beside Pokey. “I'm so sorry. That must have been awful.”
“It was. I remember some ponies at the time saying 'at least you got the chance to say goodbye' but that doesn't make it any easier. Even if his illness had been a long drawn out one it still would have been heart breaking and painful.”
“That's a pretty callous thing for ponies to say. Don't matter if it's fast or slow, loss is loss. Don't make the hurt different.”
“No it does not.” He sighed quietly and looked down at Applejack. “I'm really sorry about your parents, Applejack.”
She offered him a half smile, a little confused. “Thanks. But it was ten years ago now.”
“Still hurts though, doesn't it?” She didn't have to say it did. They both knew just how much it still hurt. “Yet we both come here once a year to mourn and make it even worse.”
“I don't come here to make myself feel worse,” Applejack countered thoughtfully. “I come because...well, I reckon I come to remember 'em. Talk to 'em, be near' em.” She nodded down the hill to where her parents rested. “I come to tell Pop how much Apple Bloom is like him, bring Mama some flowers. I come to feel better in a way.”
Pokey looked at her curiously. “How so?'
She shrugged. “I don't know if I can put it into proper words. Never been so good at expressin' myself that way.”
To her surprise, Pokey laughed. “Oh, okay.”
“What?”
“I remember a certain young filly getting her mouth stuffed with soap one afternoon because she expressed herself with words a little too well.”
Applejack blinked. “What?”
“I had come home with your brother after school one day. I don't even remember why now, but I definitely remember his little sister, all wild blonde pigtails and unruly fur getting scolded for what was apparently quite a vocal performance.”
She looked down, racking her brain for any memory that even remotely matched that. When she came up with nothing all she could do was shake her head. “I don't remember that. I didn't even know you were Big Mac's friend.”
“Well I used to be. We were in the same class for a few years, you know. Until he left school to help Granny Smith on the farm after your parents passed.”
“I didn't know,” she repeated quietly, which made him shrug.
“Like I said, it's not like we're friends or anything.”
Falling silent, Applejack looked at the headstone before her. Lancer Pierce. The name didn't even sound familiar, and from the dates on the stone it would seem he would have been her age. Just a few years older than Apple Bloom was now. She couldn't imagine her little sister suddenly getting sick and dying, all within the space of a week. The very thought of it made her shiver.
“Are you cold?”
She shook her head, trying to shake the thoughts and the feelings away. “No. Just thinkin'.” Unable to look at him for a moment, her attention was drawn by the lightening colors of the sky. “I come up here early, not just because I don't think anypony'll be up here but also because I like to watch the sunset with my parents.”
Beside her Pokey shifted. “Please don't let me stop you.”
“You're not.” Turning, she looked up at him. “Do you wanna come watch it with us? Me? It's nice up here but this tree here is in the way. Best spot is right down there. If you want.” Her ears dropped, feeling too much like Fluttershy for her liking.
Pokey seemed to hesitate a moment, his gaze lingering on his brother's headstone for a moment before turning to her. “I think I would like that if you really don't mind.”
“Don't mind at all. Wouldn't have asked if I did.”
They shared a small smile, then Applejack turned and led Pokey down the hill back to where her parents rested. She settled herself on her haunches before her mother and smiled to herself when Pokey sat beside her. “Mama, Pop...you remember Pokey Pierce.”
He dipped his head respectfully. “Mister and Missus Apple. You...have a lovely...plot?”
For a second Applejack didn't move, then her eyes slid toward him and a grin broke out on both of their faces. “Really, Pokey?”
“I'm sorry! I couldn't think of anything else to say!”
“A lovely plot? That's my mama you're talkin' to!”
“Would you rather I have said 'your daughter has a lovely plot.' or something?”
“No!” Laughing, Applejack covered her face with a hoof. “So wrong.”
“Laughing?” Pokey shook his head, still chuckling. “No, laughing's good. For all of us. I don't think every time your parents see you here they want to see you crying.”
“What about you?” As the sun finally peeked over the horizon, orange and red fingers reached across the sky in a slow stretch. Applejack chance looking at the stallion beside her for a brief second. “I'm sure your brother would like to see you laughin'.”
“I'm sure he would,” said Pokey soberly. “And one day he will. Today's just not that day.” The levity of the moment had gone as quickly as it had come, and once more they fell into silence. Both looked out past the stones in front of them and those on the hill sloping below them, watching day break before them. Very slowly Ponyville began to come alive. Streets that were empty started to see action and the noises of the town rose to meet them.
“Look at Canterlot,” Pokey said quietly. Applejack looked toward the royal city and found herself catching her breath. Light reflected off every golden domed roof and made the entire castle look like it was glowing.
“It's so beautiful.”
“Everything is beautiful,” corrected the stallion. “It's so easy to forget that when the grief is so near. But that's why I come up here. I mourn and I mourn deeply. But then I am reminded that there is so much more than sadness. I wouldn't be here if I had to choose, neither of us would be. But the bigger things in life are the ones that choose you. What's up to us is how we live with them and learn from them.”
“It all seems so important now.” Applejack shook her head, closing her eyes as the wind danced around them. “When we were young nothing seemed to matter. Every day was just another day to dream. We would say and do what we wanted, be what we wanted. And we never thought about what we wouldn't have anymore or the ones we'd lose.” When she opened her eyes she found Pokey looking at her. For the second time that morning she felt oddly out of place. “What?”
“Nothing, I just...” He hesitated, something different in his eyes. “I've never seen you with your mane down. Just now you looked so beautiful and peaceful. You actually looked a lot like I remember your mother to look.”
It was enough to bring tears back to her eyes. Applejack touched her mane self-consciously and shook her head. “Mama was a knock-out, ain't no doubt about that. Me...”
“What did I say?” Pokey tilted his head to make her meet his gaze. “Everything is beautiful. That includes you.”
Staring into his eyes, Applejack felt something flutter in her stomach. It must have been past breakfast by now. Maybe she was getting hungry. Which reminded her, she had a family to get back and help feed. “I should probably get on back home.”
Slowly, Pokey dropped her gaze and nodded. “I probably should as well. Clover's should be open now so I can swing in and get something to eat.”
She got that feeling again, the one she had when she first saw him alone on the hill. The one that split her into two minds that told her to stay and to go. This time she didn't need the scented breeze to show her the right decision. “Why don't you come home with me? I'm sure Big Macintosh'll be glad to see you an' Granny Smith loves havin' ponies over.”
Pokey grimaced. “I don't know. This is a significant day for you all.”
“An' it'll be easier with friends around. Trust me. The girls'll be comin' over later anyway. We'll come out here as a family later tonight to watch the sun set.”
“Tradition?”
“Tradition. C'mon, whaddaya say? How about we work on that whole not bein' friends thing?”
Again the unicorn hesitated, but this time he gave in with a slow nod. “Okay. Yeah, I think I'd like that.”
“Well let's get goin' then!” Together they stood and started down the hill, both smiling slightly and feeling less heavy than they had been before. “You ain't had a real breakfast until you've had a Sweet Apple Acres breakfast. Especially if all you been eatin' is from Clover's. Oh, hang on a sec!' Doubling back, Applejack ran back up the hill, kissed a hoof and touched it to both headstones. “See you later.” Running back down to join Pokey, she began to fill him in on exactly what he'd been missing out on and what he'd be having for his first breakfast with the Apple family.
