The Chronicles of a Furball

by Dick McKickEm

Rating: teen
Tags: Adventure, Crossover, Human
Length: 27886

Part of the Chess Game of the Gods collab (Non-canon) A man is sent to Equestria by an ancient diety. But to his surprise, he becomes a furry Ottsel. Now he has to battle his way through a world where erverything could smash him to bits just ot survi

Equestria

If I had a nickle for every time that I nearly get killed in Equestria, I'd have enough to build an impenetrable underground bunker that I could hide in and never come out of.

Make no mistake, people, Equestria isn't the land of rainbows and sunshine that you have always dreamed of. Not at all. Outside of the country's many cities and towns, danger is hiding every where. It lives in every cave, hides under every rock, and pounces from every patch of tall grass.

But it also has wealth and adventure in equal measure. Those who live their lives on the open road are bound to have more than a few stories to tell… and a few scars to prove them true.

I lives such a life.

I travel the world with my motley crew of friends, braving the perils of this land, discovering the vast treasures within, and living to tell the tale.

My name is Sylus, and I'm an ottsel. These are my Chronicles.

Approved by RLYoshi and Troutking

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-08-22 02:30:45 UTC

Rewrites: A Frank Discussion

Ok guys, you read that title right; I'm rewriting The Chronicles of a Furball. That's right, I'm going to tear down the current outhouse of a story and build a magnificent monumet to badassery in it's place.

So they question on all of your minds right now is probably Why?

Well I won't bullshit you: The way that Chronicles was headed, it was going to become a complete and total train wreck. I realised that the plot was going to be extremely generic and I was setting the story up to fail.

How about a little history, eh? I started my pony writing career last December, before that I was writing a Fallout fic on Fanfiction.com. Long story short: It was awful, I don't recommend it. I decided that the first pony fic I wanted to write was for Chess Game of the Gods. Oh god what a bad idea...but I stuck to it.

Fun fact: Sylus wasn't the first fic I submitted to CGotG, the first was called Warrior in the North. It starred an alcoholic woman brony named Willow who was approached by an OC named Jerry, a destiny god. Bada-bing bada-boom, one conversation later and She's in Equestria on a frozen island to the north as a Lucario (because Lucario is best Pokemon).

 Frankly, the first chapter I wrote for it was fucking awesome, but it got shot down due to there already being a Pokemon chess fic. Oh well.

The pont is, I had to start from scratch. For a week, I was at a loss for what my character would go to Equestria as. So then came along Christmas, and I got The Jak and Daxter collection for PS3 so I started the series from the first game. While I was watching the opening cutscene, it hit me like a truck. Holy shit, how bout I have an Ottsel character? OMG SWEEEEET!

And so started The Chronicles. That was when I was not serious about writing, and before I started getting criticism and tips from all you awesome bastards, plus a few more seasoned writers.

So enough beating around the bush, it's high-time I tell you all what I'm going to be doing different this time around.

1: The smallest change is going to be the removal of Sulys. That asshole was a bad idea from the start.

2: Since I'm loosing a main character,  I'll gain another. Don't know who just yet, maybe you should leave suggestions as to who this person would be in the comments section below?

3: Complete and total overhaul of the plot. Less traveling, more fighting. Though Sylus' origins will remain mostly unchanged.

4: This is the biggest one, the rebirth of Sylus. I'm going to try and completely revamp his personality, mabye give him a few more emotional flaws and have him make a few less groan-inducing jokes. I mean, he killed a sentient being and showed little remorse. That demands change.

And don't worry about the current characters, they'll remain unchanged, save for a few little details.

Soooo, that's it. I'll try to get the next first chapter posted sometime in the next week.

Until then, I'll see you all on The Dark Side of the Moon.

[youtube=https://docs.google.com/document/d/1qjUB53IEBo9kqZgHFZ5SUdiBqHinl-vYQLqjLUiUIms/edit?usp=drive\_web]

(Oh and by the way, I'll have a new non-chess game story coming out soon. I promise it's better than the current state of this story.)

[1] In a New York Minute

The Chronicles of a Furball

Chapter 1: In a New York Minute

        Equestria

     We all know it. Most of us hear or read that one little word nearly every day of our lives since we discovered the world that belings to it. That single name has sparked the imagination of thousands of people over the coarse of the last two and a half years.

     Just take a step back and think about how many people Equestria has touched. How many peices of music, works of art, animations, and fanfictions it has spawned.

     This place isn't just a concept in a children's television show, it is a whole world. A world filled with unique people and places, as rich an diverse as our own.

    Let me take a moment and ask you; How close is Equestria actually to our Earth? Most would say that it is almost completely different, they are the kind to think that Equestria is a utopia, and our planet is a dying mass of squabbling nations. They belive Equestria, unlike Earth, has no hate, no racism,  no violence, and no war. It only hads room for love and tolerance.

     They would be wrong.

     Equestria is much more similar to our world than you would think. It does have hate, it does have racism, it does have violence,  and it does have war in the same capacity as Earth.

     There are a select group of people that know this truth all too well. Echo the Diamond Dog, Warclaw the beast, Ace the Saytr, Jazz the Cat, Ivan the Zebra, Missy the Cow, Knightmare the Changeling, and Griffin the Griffin, to name a few. These people are but peices in a divine game of chess, played by the gods themselves.  These warriors are the only thing that stands between Equestria and total annihilation.

     Today, I will become one of them.

     My name is Sylus, and I'm an Ottsel.

XVXVXVX

        It was a warm and sunny day in Equest- wait, that's a horrible opening! In fact this was not Equestria and neither was it sunny, far from it in fact. This was New York city, the sky was overcast, and it was cold enough outside to disprove global warming. Days like this are common up here in the Big Apple, especially in late December.

        Despite the crappy weather, today would be the best day of my human life. And the last one, to boot.

        Today is the day I yell at my boss, quit my job, get hammered, sing a song, and go to Equestria.

        And boy, do I have a helluva story to tell...

Clack clack clack...clack clack....clack clack clack clack.... Oh dear god in heaven, how I hated typing. I have ever since I took keyboarding in high school. Ironic, seeing as how I've spent the last two years of my life doing a job where I was hired only to type up useless bits of information. Have I ever told you the definition of insanity? Insanity is working in an office space eight hours a day, six days a week, and expecting something intesting to happen.

That's right, ladies and gentlemen, I work in a tenth-floor office for a living, coming to work in a white shirt and tie to be harassed by my boss. I push papers, I type up forms, I work in administration. Well, I'm supposed to anyway. I actualy do very little, I've perfected the art of making yourself look busy while not actualy working. I get less done in a year as a pencil-pusher than a construction worker can do in a single day.

     Y'know what the funny thing about that is? Nothing happens. I slack off on my work and not a damn thing goes wrong anywhere. My role in this company is completely mundane, no one in the world relies on me doing my job in the slightest. If it wern't for my boss, a fat gal called Floor Manager Mosby, beathing down my neck I wouldn't even be typing.

Clack clack clack fucking clack Someone stop me.

For the fist year on the job, I was full of hate. I hated work, I hated typing, I hated my boss, I hated this building, I hated this city. Hate hate hate. But then one faithful day, I was not working like normal, just browsing the internet for things to fill my time. Then I found it. You all know what I'm talking about; My Little Pony: Friendhip is Magic. Oh yeah, that day was awesome.

     I'll just skip the process of denial and embarassment involved with discovering that wonderful show, I'm sure you are very famaliar with it. Fast forward one month and I'm having the most fun anyone can have on the internet watching the show, reading the fiction, oogling the art, and listening to the music. Naturaly, my boss had problems with this.

     "You watch a show for fuckin' little girls," Mosby would say "I don't know whether to laugh, or cry!" She normally went with pointing and laughing, but with the ideas of love and tolerance fresh in my mind, I ignored her. She normally flollowed up the insults with something like "Take your thumb outta your ass and get to work, Mercury!

     Today was the last day that I had to hear it.

Clack clack clack clack Why me?

The office floor was filled with the quiet murmur of our average, everyday activities. It was nothing but the hum of the heating unit, the crackling of papers being shifted across cheap wooden desks, and the occasional ring of a telephone. If you listened carefully, you could hear the sound of boredom emanating from every present worker. The only thing that sets this place apart from Hell is the fire and brimstone.

     The quiet was deafening, I hated the quiet. That's probably why I've always had a knack for office pranks, usually the kind that involve loud noises that make everyone in the room jump up like they had seen a ghost. In fact, I had one planned for today that should break the silence any moment now...

HOOOOOOONK! ! !

     Bingo. Did you hear that? Of coarse you didn't, this is a written work, ergo you cannot actually hear the onomatopoeias. That particular onomatopoeia was the sound of an airhorn going off in the cubicle next to mine (Heh heh heh). I had duct-taped a horn to the underside of my co-worker's office chair. It was rigged so that when he sat in it, the chair would slide down and hit the button on the top of the airhorn, causing the desired HONK sound.

     The prank worked as well as I hoped it would, my friend, Mel, jumped and shrieked like he just found a severed limb on his desk. The entire office was jolted into being alert by Mel's less-than-manly cry. They all immediately cast a collective glare at me, I did have a perchance for airhorns when it came to office shenanigans. It was something about the way that airhorns can break the focus of any living being with a sense of hearing that just drew me to them like a moth to a bug-zapper.

     Mel casualy leaned over the plastic wall that separated our cubicles "Good one Si," he said in a deadpan voice, rolling his eyes "I can honestly say that I did not see that one coming."

     I looked at my friend innocently "Why would I ever do such a cruel thing to you?"

     He snorted, unamused "Puh-leez! Only you could have the gaul to do something like that."

     "Hey!" I said defensively "No one has ever proved that it was me doing all these pranks," it's true, I've never been caught with my hand in the metaphorical cookie jar, and I don't plan on breaking that streak today.

     "What in the sam hell was that?!" Came a familiar voice, a low alto that could only come from one person in this office.

     "Shhhhit," Mel said in a low voice " It's Mosby! Quick, look like you're working!" He ducked back into his cubicle and the entire floor went silent, like a rabbit in the presence of a wolf.

     "Was that another fuckin' airhorn?" A fat, bitchy wolf, but a wolf nonetheless. From her office at the end of the hall, Floor Manager Mosby came barreling out of the door. She glared at every one of the worker, trying to decide who looked the most guilty.

     Without a doubt, it was me. "Mercury!" She snapped, shuffling to my cube. Within moments she forced herself inside my personal space bubble "Fuckin' shit, Mercury. Do you not learn?"

     I backed away, her breath smelled of cigarettes and cream-filled doughnuts "Depends," I said evenly "Learn what?"

     She scoffed (Hoe-lee shit did she need some breath mints!)  "I've just about had it with you, Mercury!" Mosby snapped "Stay put! I'll be back to deal with you in a moment." And with that, she stormed off back to her cave.

     Ten minutes passed an Mosby hadn't reemerged just yet. I mentally shrugged and went back to the internet. I perused on over to check Equestria Daily for any cool new pony updates.

     Let's see music, animation, comics, Nightly Roundup (Yeah, more like Morningly Roundup amirite?), more music, oooh new story! Gimme gimme gimme. I clicked the article:

Story: The Ballad of Echo the Diamond Dog

[Comedy][Dark][Adventure]

Author: Rust

Description: After a deal gone awry, a human is thrust into Equestria with the body of a Diamond Dog. Eschewing the usual "Hey, I'm going to Ponyville!" shtick, he sets off on an epic around-the-world voyage of discovery,-

     "I'm back bitch!"

   "Ahh!" My deeply involved reading was interrupted by thd deep voice of  a ceartian floor manager that I knew. Out of suprise, I promptly fell to the floor with a dull thud. I was unhurt, but that wasn't exactly a totally pleasant experience either.

     Mosby made no move to help me up, she cared little for my safety. I entertained thoughts of a possible lawsuit for the company,  oh if only I had broken my nose or something.

     I looked up and Mosby was skimming the webpage with a maniac grin on her face "Oh what's this?" She said in a musical voice, with only a hint of malice in it "Not working I see, tsk tsk. I could get away with firing you for this." She wasn't kidding either, that girl used her banhammer like a drug fiend would use heroine.

     "But I'm not going to fire you," she cooed "In fact, I have a little task for you." She plopped a stack of papers on my desk.

     I rose from the floor and brushed the dirt off of my slacks "Can't you just fire me?" I asked ironically.

     "Oh nooo~" Mosby said, feigning sweetness "You're one of my best workers." Ok, now I KNEW she was bullshitting.

     I peered at the stack of paper, they looked like standard administration forms, but there were A LOT of them. They nearly stacked higher than my coffe mug "What are these?" I asked, flipping through them.

      "Oh just a few things I'm a teensy bit behind on," Teensy? There are forms fom last month on here! And she knocks our heads together for being lazy.

     I sighed "I'll have a look at them..." I said defeatedly.

     She completely dropped her nice-lady act and her voice became icy " Good. Do everything except the signatures, I'll handle those. I you don't finnish them, you're fired...Well? Get to work!"

     I flinched slightly "Yeah, sure," I grabbed the first paper from the stack and began the mundane process of filling out forms. Mosby nodded contentedly and left for her office, slamming the door behind her. Seconds later, the entire office was filled with rap music emanating from her office. Hard. Core. Gang. Rap. Jumpin' Jesus on a pogo stick! I'm being ear-raped! I mentaly screamed. Who in their right mind even likes that? Was she trying to commit musical suicide?

     The rest of the office workers seemed to agree, as if reading my mind. I can't say this is an uncommon or unexpected move from Mosby, she had a tendency to jerk us around like that, kinda like I did actually. But I did my pranks to brighten other people's moods in this otherwise depressing office space. Mosby was the bigger kid in this schoolyard, she bullied us to brighten her own mood at the expense of all the others.

     Anyone who worked here long enough learned to either tune out the so-called 'music' or bring their earplugs.

     Mel popped up from his space and looked at me curiously, with "Damn," he said simply, having to raise his voice to be heard over the rap.

     "Damn," I agreed. Could my day get any worse? I had about half a sheet done, mabye I could finish this next by next week if I tune out the music. And when I get done, I could-  Awww who am I kidding?! Fuck this work! I angrily shoved the stack of forms to the side, they flew about the cubicle in a flurry of papers. I slumped in my chair and rested my elbows on the desk with my head in my hands, the rap song still ponded on my skull like a hammer on a coconut.

     "What are you doing?" He asked supprisedly "You better pick those up! Do you want to lose your job?"

     "N-" I stopped  myself. That was a good question. A damn good question. Did I want to lose my job? Did I really care if I lost it? Is boring, dead-end job something I wanted?

     No, no, and no.

     Wow, it took me two years to have this epiphany. I hated this job, I should be smart and leave. Simple. But I wasnt exactly the sharpest tool in the shed, so I stayed like an idiot.

     "Yes," I finnaly answered "I don't give a flying rat's-ass about keeping this job. Let her fire me... and you know what?!" I stood up and gave Mel a hard look.

     "What?"

     "I 'll save her the trouble." I threw my hands up in the air hystericaly  "I quit! This job is going to lead me to an early grave, so I'm blowing this joint!"

     Mel nodded sagely "Then I envy you. Not many have the strength to leave this place." He paused, looking a little unsure "Say... why not have some fun? If your decision to quit is final, you could get away with pretty much anything."

     My eyed widened to the size of fists "Mel, you're a genius!" Oh sheeeeeit, this is gonna be fuuuun~ I gave my friend a wild grin "Let's get it on!"

     "What do you have in mind?" He asked quizzicaly.

     "First, we get rid of this thrice-damned rap music...." I sat back down and swiveled the chair to face my computer, I cracked my knuckles and went to work. My fingers flew across the keyboard 'Foo Fighters' I typed into the search bar of my music folder. I swiveled back to face Mel "Quick! What is the loudest, fastest,  and most head-bangin' song you can think of off the top of your head?"

     "Monkey Wrench!" He replied instantly.

     "Damn straight!" I said gleefully "With its sheer decibels and its pure awesomeness, we could combat the oppressive rap music with ease!"

     I caught a mischievous glint in Mel's eye "Hit it."

     "Hey Mosby!" I shoutes, unsure if she could hear me over the noise or not "Taste some real music, bitch!" I cranked up the volume to absolute maximum and all but smashed the Enter key.

     And then it played one of my favorite Foo Fighters song ever: Monkey Wrench. Unlike most music, this song did not have a slightly slower intro. Monkey Wrench started at the top and never let up, It blasted you harder than the Royal All-Caps Lock voice. The sond of both amazing music, and shitty rap filled the room and made the air vibrate. Everyone could not hear his or her self think, it was stupendous. And the best part? I was winning. The Foo Fighters drowned out Mr. Pimp-Daddy Sexmachine or whoever that poor bastard on Mosby's speakers was.

     Soon enough we had woken the beast, Mosby once again came thundering out of her private office.  He gaze was instantly turned toward me and Mel who, at the time, didn't notice. We were too busy banging our heads and playing air-guitar like a pair of champs. She stopped jusy short of me and glared into my eyes with such a fury that I had to take a step back to keep myself from falling "Mmmph mmph mmmmmmmph!" She screamed, ineffectualy. The music was too loud to hear anything softer than a jet-engine.

     I cupped a hand to my ear "Whaaaaaat?! I can't heeeeear you!"

     She reached over the the power cords running into my computer and forcefully yanked them out of the wall. The music cut off instantly and the computer died with the sad hum of powering down. She gave me another icy stare "What the fuck was that?!"

     Mosby was yelling directly into my face, her breath still reeked. So I did what any self-respecting man would do: I tweaked her nose like a boss "It's my two weeks notice, BITCH!"

     Her glaring look turned to one of surprise as the words left my mouth.  I wasted no time after making my announcement, I pushed past Mosby out of the cubicle and made my way to the elevator.

Ding!

The elevator's bell sounded and the silver doors slid open. I stepped inside and hit the button that took me to the ground floor, looking serene,  as if it was just a normal day.

     I felt that I needed to say something to commemorate the occasion, something for the workers to rember me by "Adios motherfu-" The elevator doors closed. Damn.

XVXVXVX

     One New York Minute later, I was standing at the entrance of my old office building staring at the grey sky. The frosty-cold raindrops constantly hit my glasses with a light tap. Several men and women walking the streets lightly bumped me as they rushed to get out of the rain, some holding umbrellas or jackets over their heads. The whole world turned bright white for scarcely a millisecond, and a moment later the rumbling of thunder rolled by like a stampede.

     Today was positively gloomy, and yet it couldn't have looked more beautiful.  Today was my first day of true freedom, it was the day I had finnaly opened my eyes and came to my senses. Today was the best day of my life. How did that old slave song go? Free at last, free at last.

     This deserved a celebratory smoke. I fished a gleaming steel lighter and green pack of menthol cigarettes out of my coat pocket. I grabbed one of the little white sticks and lit it. Yes, I do smoke. Sue me why dont'cha?

     The entire city came into clarity as I inhaled the tobacco smoke. Sounds became a little bit clearer, colors a little brighter, and the world seemed a little better than it was a moment ago. I exhaled and cloud of off-white smoke came rolling out if my mouth, taking all the leftover bad feelings with it.

     Life was good. I may be out of shape, unemployed, and standing in the freezing rain, but life was still good and no one was going to take it from me.

     Oh how wrong I was...

      I finished the cigarette and flicked its brown butt into to gutter, feeling like a million dollars. As if on cue, someone thew open the office doors right behind me and stormed out. I turned around to see who else but Mel, stomping down the street and muttering curses to himslef.

     Either he hadn't seen me standing there or he didn't care because he went right past me. I jogged over to catch up with him "Hey, Mel!"

     Mel stopped and twisted to look at me, his face turned from that of anger to sadness. He didn't say a word, but turned to sit on the curb between a van and a parked taxi "Hey, Si." He said weakly.

     "What happened?" I asked, immediately kicking myself for asking such a stupid question. What else could have happened? He got fired for assising me in the raising of hell back there.

     We both knew what he was going to say, but he said it anyway "I got fired."

     My feel-good buzz from the smoke was gone. I sat next to Mel and put a hand on his shoulder "Was it because of me?" Had I really gotten both myself and my best friend fired?

     He smiled, but it went away quickly "No, it wasnt you. It was me."

     "Bullshit," I said flatly. "You know Mosby canned you because you're my friend, and you were helping me piss her off."

     He shook his head "I don't blame you though, she had it coming."

     "Then why do I blame me, huh? I started it, and you were found guilty by association." Fuck me for being stupid enough to think getting my belligerent boss angry is a good idea.

     Mel sighed and stared intently at the passing traffic. We both stayed that way for awhile, sitting in the rain and watching the world go by. He was the firstnto brake the silence "Well there's no use sitting and moaping. We might as well celebrate. "

     I looked at him as if he said that the grass was purple "You got fired! I hated that job, but I didn't survive on it. You, on the other hand, were barely holding on as it is. You needed to work."

     He shrugged "I have a few thousand squared away in a savings account for college. I can survive on it 'til another job comes along." Well at least I didnt ruin his life, that made me feel just a little better.

     "So..." I said "Celebration. Where do you have in mind?"

     Mel grinned "We go to the Singin' Monkey!"

     I gaped at him "We haven't been there in forever!"

     "I know!" He said ecstaticaly "That place had the best damned tequila ever!"

      "Well what are we waitng for? Lets get our drink on!" I shouted, jumping up as my previous attitude returned to me.

     "Let's!" He agreed.

XVXVXVX

     Before we hit The Singing Monkey, we made a stop at Mel's house to grab some dry clothes and a snack. I flagged down a cab and had him drop us off at a corner in Manhattan.

     The Singing Monkey was my absolute favorite karaoke bar in New York. It was little more than a bar, a couple of tables, and a stage with an old karaoke machine. Mel was the owner's cousin, so we got 10% off on most of the drinks.

    Stepping inside, we were hit with a wave of hot, dry air that smelled of cheap whiskey.  Inside was dark, not dark enough that you couldn't see your drink, but dark enough to not notice how ugly the girl your going home with is. There were about ten people scattered about the room, two of them were on the stage singing butchering Elton John's Someone Save my Life Tonight.

     The bartender quickly recognized us and he waved over. We took our seats at the bar, the barkeep had a friendly smile on his face.

     "Why, I haven't seen you two fellas in a month! How have you been, Mel?" The bartender said warmly.

     Mel shrugged "The usual. Messed with my boss, got fired, sat in the rain."

     The bartender's eyes widened "You got fired? What happened?"

     "Nothing I regret. Say, can you pour us two shots of tequila?" Mel said, eager to change the subject.

     The barkeep knew not to push issues like this "Coming right up." He set a pair of shotglasses on the table and filled them with a light amber liquid.

     "Bottoms up!" Mell called, downing the shot in a quick gulp.

     I followed suit and let the fiery water wash down my throat. It burned like the dickens but a pleasant numbness soon folowed. I slammed the glass on the table "Whoo! It's been awhile since I cut back like this. Hey, Mel, wanna play the Mas Tequila Game?"

     Mel shook his head vigorously "Nononono! We are NOT playing Mas Tequila!"

And what is is this game that you speak of, Sylus? You may ask.  A year ago, when we first started going to The Singing Monkey, I decided that it would be fun to play a drinking game. The rules are simple: We both take turns singing a verse of Sammy Hagar's Mas Tequila, and when one sings "Hey! Mas Tequila!" The other takes a shot. Three volunteer judges decide who slurrs the most words, and whoever they pick loses. Simple, yet fun.

     "Yes we are!" I retorted "It's not everyday that we quit our dead-end jobs.  Time to loosen up!" I turned to the bartender "Pour us fifteen shots of your strongest tequila. I'll pay the tab tommorow, I swear."

     The barkeep nodded and started setting the drinks on a tray. Meanwhile, the couple onstage just finished singing their song, putting us next in line for the karaoke machine. Mel grabbed the tray and made his way onstage and I followed, he set the booze on a stool in the center.

     I grabbed the microphone "Y'all ready for this?" A few of the drunks slurred their affirmatives. Good, the drinks are ready, I'm ready, Mel's ready...Let's do this.

     I pushed a button on the machine... the song started with drums. Beautiful, beautiful drums. "If you know the words," I said to thr drinkers " you can sing along. And if ya can't sing, ya can just yell."

     Then, as the guitar riff kicked in, I began to sing...I couldn't sing quite like Sammy Hagar, but I held my own.

All right now, here we go ...

Now we're gonna tell you a little story

About the way we like to party - take ya on a trip!

HIT IT!

     The guitars were on full blast now, and the crowd of maybe twenty people were cheering and singing (or yelling) along. Damn, I felt like a rockstar.

I'm goin' way down south where the big blue agave grow,

Takin' a weekend trip down to Baja, Me-he-co!

Where you can drink the water, but don't ya eat the ice,

Take your vitamin "T" with salt 'n lemon slice ...

One shot...Hey! Mas Tequila-

     Mel, who was standing to the side, took a single shot of tequila.

Two shots...Hey! Hey! que veneno-

Three shots...Hey! Arriba! Hey! Hey! Hey! Mas Tequila!

     Mel downed another shot, staggering a bit. With the verse finished, I tossed him the mic.

     Mel was a much better singer when it came to the hard rock stuff like Sammy Hagar and Van Halen, I had more of a Glenn Frey or Joe Walsh voice myself.

     My friend was a little drunk by now, his words were quite slurred. Drunk already? You may ask. Well, let's face it, we were total lightweights.

She did a mean makerheyna to the funky cold medeenah

Behind a body shhot and three margaritashh.

She'll drink it straight from the bottle, terra kotta jug,

From a boda bag coppin' a major buzz.

I say, One shhhot...Hey! Mash Teqeelah-

I downed a shot of firey water, it burned waaaay more than the first one did. Boy, when I asked for strong I sure as hell got it!

Two shhots...Hey! Hey! que venyeero-

Phrree shots...Hey! Arriba! Hey! Hey! Hey! Mas Teqeelah!

     Another shot for me, ohh goodie. I gulped it down in a second, staggering just as Mel did. What's in this stuff? Antifreeze?

     Mel passed me the mic, my turn. I had more time than Mel did to prepare myself, due to the epic guitar solo.

Uno mashh, bartehnder...one more...mas teqeelaaah!

          This time, we both took another shot. Oh how my lungs burned...

     The Hagar-savvy people in the crowd sang this next bit.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

Back to Me...

Yeahhhh!

Yo can drinksh the water, but dont'shha eat the iceshh

Take your vertimin "T" with salt 'n lemin slicesh!

Onesh shhhet...Hay! Massh Teqeelah-

     Boom, one more for Melvin. He was starting to look a little sick. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all...

Too shhets...Hay!hay! Que ven-shumthin'

Phree shhets...Hay!Arreebah! Hay! Hay! Hay! Mas Teqeelahh!

     You know the drill by now. More tequila for Mel. He had to sit down to keep from falling. I dropped the microphone in his lap "Yehr tern."

Wun shhet...

Too shhets...Haay! Heaay! que..que...ah

Phree shhh... Haay.. aye yay yahh...

     Back to the drinkers, who were infinitely more sober than us.

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

     Everyone in the bar, including myself, Mel, the crowd, and even the bartender joined in on this last line.

MAS TEQUILAAAAAAA! ! !

     My head was swimming, my vision blured, I couldn't put together half of a coherent thought to save my life. But this was the last line, one more drink left.

     I grabbed a shot and put it to my lips, as did Mel. We both shared a quick look, I didn't want to do this last one and  even through my drunk, I could tell neither did he.

      I was sick of tequila. I don't know why I did it. Perhaps I still wanted to win? Maybe I just wanted it to end? Or I could have done it out of sheer stupidity. That seemed most likely.

    But we both threw back those shots of booze,  regardless of the reasons why. It was like drinking a fresh-squeezed glass of hell. I immediately regretted it, my stomach churned, my legs became wobbly, and my whole body became shaky like jell-o.

     The entire bar spun like I was riding in a sick carnival ride. The muttled cheers of the crowd, the urge to puke my guts out, the haze of intoxication, it all became too much to bear.

Plop. I passed out. Fell right on the hardwood stage, not giving a damn about who saw me. As the world faded to black, I managed one singular sober thought, it was more of a feeling, really.

This was not a good idea.

[2] The Hangover (Part I)

The Chronicles of a Furball

Chapter 2: The Hangover Part I

My life's work, it turns out, was spent searching for a bunch of furballs.     -Samos the Sage

     Hangovers suck.

     Anyone who had a few too many drinks on a wild Friday night can attest to that. It's the price you pay for fun, just another fact of life.

     But still...that doesn't make them hurt less. Damn near everything can make you miserable during a hangover, things like bright light and loud sounds. Oh, and let's not forget the vomiting and the dizziness. Sheesh, you know you did something bad when your own body punishes you for it.

     Do you know what the most interesting part about hangovers is? Waking up in strange and unusual places. (I once woke up in a dumpster, true story)

     And I belive where I ended up next definitely qualifies as a strange and unusual place...

XVXVXVX

     I woke up after that blurry night, lying on my back and feeling extremely hungover. My head pounded like a ceartian blue-haired DJ pony was blasting Dubstep inside there. My whole body felt all woozy and tingly, I may have had to throw up very soon. Yep, this is the standard case of the Morning Regrets.

     Rember all those Saturday mornings when you woke up feeling nice and refreshed and ready to start the day? No school or work to worry about, it was jus going to be a You Day. Well, This wasn't one of them.

      I opened my eyes, which was a decision that I promptly regretted. The sun was high in the sky and it seared my retinas like steak at a good old-fashioned American barbecue. Why? Why did I think it was a good idea to play Mas tequila? Bad brain, baa-aad!

"Ahh! Burning, so not fun!" I whined, using my hands to save my eyeballs from certain doom.

     With my eyes shut tight, I began to pick myself off of the ground and to try and get an idea as to where the hell I was. This proved to be yet another bad idea.

     "Unnngh...oh god! *huuurrrrrp*"The strain from my feeble attempt at getting up was met with my stomach doing gleeful backflips, which caused it to wretch and to surrender its contents to the...grass? Whudda hell?

     I stared at the ground, the grass was green. Yeah, big suprise there, green grass who would have thought? But this particular grass was a shade of green that must have been three times brighter than that of central park, it wad positively neon. Again, whudda hell?

     I scooted away from the pile of puke and elected to lay there on my stomach until I felt like I wasn't going to die. A few minutes passed before I tried to stand again.

     With eyes still closed, I managed to balance on my two feet without hurling again, even if I was a little bit wobbly. I cracked one eye open, the sun wasn't as oppressive as before so I opened them fully.

     What I saw was not the inside of a karaoke bar, nor was it the streets of the Big Apple. A whole landscape was spread out before me, going for miles in all directions. I was standing in the middle of a neon-green feild, lushly decorated with many different species of wild flowers, the pallete of colors blended together in ways I could only see in an art museum. Off in the distance was a lone moutain, a very specific moutain. This hunk of rock had a whole city built in to its side. But not just any city, it was one that I had seen more times than I could count, both in my dreams and on a computer screen. Canterlot.

     "Hoe-leeee shit..." I gaped in awe at something that physics dictated should not exist. There was no mistaking it, I was in Equestria. Hundreds of questions rattled around in my brain, only serving to worsen the headace. How did I get here? Why am I here? Is this real? Am I dreaming? I don't wanna wake up! Oh god, am I crazy? I don't wanna be sane! Fuckin' Equestria, man!

Well, I do know a way to answer one of those questions...

Smack

Smacking yourself is the best way to find out if you're dreaming, you normally wake up when you feel pain in a dream. "Aaooowww..." This didn't help for my hangover at all, but I nothing changed. The gorgeous fields, the city, and the mountain were still there. Not dreaming. Check.

     "Ohh man..." Someone voice came from behind me. A voice I knew well, one that belonged to a man named Melvin D. Polanski. Mel.

     But when I turned around to greet him, I was shocked to see not the tall figure that I had known since my Senior year in high school, but a sea-blue pegasus pony lying sprawled out on the grass. It had a short-cut bright yellow mane and (get this) no cutie mark, despite being adult-sized.

     "Mel?!" I asked, clearly confused as to how his voice could come from a pony. The most obvious answer being that Mel was transformed into one upon arriving here like in the Conversion Berau fics, but hangovers always gave me -2 to my already low intelligence stat, so I didn't come to that conclusion at the time.

     The pony lifted his head in reaction to my voice, his dark brown eyes looked at me with a mix confusion and whimsy. Definitely Mel's eyes, just waaaay bigger "Uh, Si? Is that you?"

     "Yeah, who else would it be? Is that you?"

Pony Mel gaped at me "Si," he said calmly "look at yourself."

What did he-? I looked down at my hands. Instead of having milky-white skin that I literally knew like the back of my hand, my digits were covered in smooth, rusty-orange fur, the fingers were tipped with half-inch black nails.

     Then I screamed.

     Oh how I screamed. This was so not right, my real hands were gone, man. Gone! In fact, my whole body was different. I was entirely covered in the orange fur save for the frontside of my torso and on my animal feet (lower paws?), which was a dark yellow color of fluff. The fleshy human ears on the sides of my head were missing, replaced by droopy doglike ears on the top of my skull. (I later found out how awesome it felt when I scratched behind them)

     It didn't take long for me to recover from the inital shock, as sudden as it was "Okay, okay," I said, a little winded from screaming "I'm fine, I'm fine..." I tried to sit down onto the ground, only to be stopped by a sharp pain above my buttocks.  I looked back to see what the cause was.

     I had a tail.

     A tail...

A FREAKIN' TAIL!

With my shock freshly renewed,  I screamed again with more vigour than the first time. My head pounded even harder, apparently emotional rollercoasters and hangovers don't mix together very well. When I finished, my body gave out and I just collapsed to the ground.

     "How do you think I feel?!" Melpony shouted "You still have opposable thumbs! I'm a friggin' horse with wings, I can't even stand!"

     I stopped to catch my breath again, my throat would probably get really raw later on "Yeah but," I said between gasps "you're taking this very well, way better than I am."

     Mel chuckled nervously "Yeah, well I had my overload earlier this morning.  You were too passed out to hear me."

     "Wonderful. Oh, and you're not a horse, you're a pony," I added.

     "A...pony?" He said skeptically "Si, where the hell are we?"

     I rubbed my hands together deviously "We, my fine feathered friend, are in the magical land of Equestria! Behold its beauty!" I made a sweeping gesture toward Canterlot.

     Mouth agape, Mel stared at me like I had gone batshit "I...but...Do you mean we're in that My Little Pony show you watch on the internet?! How and why are we even here?!"

     I shrugged noncommittaly "Well fucked if I know," I said bluntly. I looked up into a random spot on the sky and waved cheerily at it "Wave to  the folks on the internet, Mel."

     Mel snorted mirthfully "Not funny."

     "Yes it is," I said "You just don't want to admit it." I tried to reach into my pants pocket and pull out the pack of smokes only to realize that I had no pants. Ergo, I had no pockets to keep my menthol 100s in "God, I could use a cigarette right about now."

     Mel scoffed "Sylus,  we're in, like, your number one vacation spot in all of existence and the first thing you want is a smoke," He made an attempt to stand on his hooves, but was met with a facefull of dirt. Mel shifted his body awkwardly for awhile and settled for doing that pony thing where they tuck their legs under their body, which looks extremely uncomfortable.

     I scoffed right back at him "Bite my furry orange ass," Mel may have been cool with the brony thing for the past two years, but one of his favorite passtimes was bashing my three-cigarette-a-day habbit. Why are non-smokers always on a major high-horse? It confounds me so.

     "Looking for dese?" A new feminine came from behind us. We whirled around (Well, I whirled, Mel scooted) to meet this new voice, sitting cross-legged on a flat boulder was a furry, orange squirrel-looking thing. She (and I'm assuming it's a she) looked just like I did but with several variations, firstly her coat was more of a fruity orange as compared to my rust fur, she wore her Orange hair in a long braided ponytail that dragged the ground.  Her ears were pierced with gemstone studs in several different places and a single grey feather was tucked into her hair, giving her a sort of tribal look.

     But most importantly,  in her hand she teasingly dangled a shiny green packet of menthol cigarettes.

"Yes I am!" I gleefully shouted as I raced over to this fuzzy lady "Gimme gimme gimme!" I leaped to snatch my smokes from her but she withdrew it not an inch away, causing me to miss them completely. I managed to bury my face in the dirt instead of what I intended. Funny, dirt tasted the same as it did back in New York, very dirty with a hint of grass.

     "No!" She scolded, though I was too preoccupied with my faceplant to acknowledge her "Ya gotta hear what I have ta say first before ya can 'ave dese death-sticks." She had a really thick Jamaican accent. Seriously, it was like she was doing a Tia Dalma impression.

     "Could today get any weirder? " Mel cynicaly asked no one in particular.

     "Ja," The orange person answered "I got a doozy of bombshell for ya."

     I picked myself up off of the ground and spit out a comically large wad of soil. A slimy earthworm wiggled its way out of the dirt spitball "Ewww nasty..." I wiped some of the execess crud off of my tounge "Yeesh...So what's this 'bombshell' you have for us, then? Coz it can't be weirder than getting sent to a different reality as a furball and a pony."

     The woman cleared her throat "Let me be da first one ta welcome ya two to the wonderful land called Equestria, home of both ya wildest dreams and ya darkest nightmares. Me name be Shiva, I'll be your boss from now on and-"

     "Wait, boss? Aww hell no!" Mel said in an abrasive tone.

     "Yeah," I heartily agreed "I just got rid of one shitty boss, I don't need another!"

     Shiva didn't reply, but instead fixed an icy glare on the both of us. She wordlessly snapped her fingers and out of nowhere a long bronze metal staff materialized in her hand. Shiva bought the pole down in a wide arc and cracked it over Mel's skull with a resounding Ping!

     "Aooowwwww!"

     I opened my mouth to say something snarky, but was cut off by that orange witch assaulting me in the same way. Ping! "Dammit!" I shouted "What was that for?"

     "For interruptin' me," She said pointedly "Now if ya two will just sit down and shut up I'll tell ya everything ya want to know, does dat sound good?"

     We both nodded.

     "Good," Shiva cleared her throat "Dis is quite the story, so ya best sit down while I tell it."

     We agreed, and did as she requested. I tried to sit on the ground, but was stopped by the same tail problem as before It's going to be a loooooong time before I get used to that I thought. Mel took an award sitting position while I decided to lay on the flat of my stomach with my chin cradled lazily in my hands.

     "I ain't gonna sugar-coat it for ya;" She began "Dis idn't de Equestria dat'cha seen on your internet. Dis place had more danger in one country dan de entire surface of Earth, you are going to get de shit beat outta' ya on many occasions. Don't let dat scare ya, with great danger comes even greater reward. I can promise ya near-death experiences and treasure in equal mesure, so long as ya do your jobs."

     "And what are our jobs?" Mel asked, narrowing his eyes at the whatever-she-was.

     "Ahhh! A fine question dat is," Shiva replied merrily "You two are ta represent me in a grand game of chess, serving as my pawns. But dis ain't no simple board game, dis is a competition between The Gods!"

     "God-s," I thought aloud "As in more than one? Well a million religious folks just flipped their keyboards..." I looked up to that random point in the sky again "Sorry folks! Please don't sue Hasbro."

Ping! "You're not on TV, ya cockeyed human!" Well damn, that hurt both physically and emotionaly, I may have even cried.

     Shiva gave me a glare that could've stopped a lesser man's heart "As I was sayin', you are my champions in what we have come to call Da Chess Game of da Gods. I am one of the many of my people who want to partake in it, we are called the Precursors. A race of elder gods who were much like you at one time, squabbling over land and resources...until one day we united and eventually ascended to godhood."

Wait a sec..."Does that make me a god?" I asked. I sure didn't feel immortal.

Shiva simply chuckled and shook her head "No, ya an Ottsel: A mortal creature made in our image. Nuddin' more, nuddin' less."

 "Besides," She went on "It be against the rules dat de others have set to make ya immortal. Many other Gods have sent dere peices to Equestria, err...or they have yet to, ahh no one evea established proper terms for time travel stuff. I probably shouldnt'a tried messin' with it..."

     "Wait, time travel is involved?" Mel asked with an icy edge to his voice "Yeah, great, juuuuuust fuckin' peachy. Would someone please point me to the portal back to Earth so I can get outta this fresh hell."

     Choosing to ignore Mel's snide comment, I asked Shiva "What do you mean by time travel?"

     "You'll find out soon enough," she said evasivly "But for now, the deal it this: Do what I tell ya, and you get to stay here...along with de formerly mentioned ritches."

     "What if I don't want either?" Jesus, what was wrong with Mel? Many other men would kill to be in his position and he wanted to go back?

     "It's not your decision," Shiva said matter-of-factly "You signed the contract;  ya'are bound to me. No take-backs, mon." Contract?

     Mel's new pony nostrils flared "I don't remember signing any god-damned contract! And I sure as hell would have read it if I did!" He looked like he wanted to tackle her, but was thankfully held back by his own unfamiliar anatomy "Just who the fuck do you think you are?!"

     I tried to put my hand on his shoulder, he immediately shrugged it off scornfully "Mel, calm down man. It's going to be better than you think it-"

     "NO!" he cut me off "I didn't want to be ripped from my life and made into a kind of a champion for some crazy anthro-ferret!" Mel was hysterical by now "I mean, why does it have to be me?! I'm just one of the many other fuckin' people in New York, why couldn't you pick someone else?!"

     "BECAUSE!" Shiva shouted "Ya had no future, NO FUTURE! Do ja think that we would'a picked someone that would be missed by someone else? No. We needed a person who had no family, no job, and no friends,  but still had the power of will! Ya two fit the bill perfectly"

     Damn. She was right. It was no big revelation that Mel and I didn't have much in the way of family. Mel didn't talk much about his parents, I could only gleen from him that they have been dead and gone for a long time. Me beign a curious bastard, I pressed the issue one night in the Singing Monkey, Mel all but turned to stone. He didn't budge on a single question, no matter how hard I tried to coax out the truth. I was relentless and he was tougher than a brick wall, so I quit. I'd have more luck squeezing tomato juice from a carrot.

     For me...well...I won't bore you with some sob story filled with bottles of gin and pharmaceutical overdoses. My parents most likely aren't dead, but they are probably farther down in the dumps than I could've imagined. I fell out of contact after I went off to college, not because I didn't call them, but because they didn't pick up the phone.

     In all honesty,  I got over that issue quicker than a normal person. My parents weren't abusive, to me anyway. They abused themselves with the aforementioned booze and drugs. Yah, I had a bad childhood. Boo-hoo, poor me. I think I'll go cry in a corner.

     The point is; no one would know if we disappeared off the face of the earth. Or boss won't be wondering why were not at work, our parents won't file a missing-persons report, and our friends aren't close enough to go combing New York for us. We were the two most abductable people on the planet. And Shiva had us by the metaphorical balls.

     Then Mel did the most unexpected thing I could think of: he laughed. Like a maniac.  It started off as a low giggle, like he had just heard a mildy humorous fart joke."I can't belive it!" Then it rose in volume and intensity, it became a louder-than-indoor-voice laugh, the kind you'd have while bantering on with your buddies at a decent birthday party. "That's hilarious! Hah hah, I 'fit the bill.' Hah hah hah hah hah!" Finnaly, he hit an apex with a full-on maniacal scream of lost sanity, only ever heard echoing through the halls of Arkam Asylum as The Joker was being wheeled away into his cell. "Look at me Si, I'm a champion!" He was litteraly rolling on the ground, laughing hysterically as if it were thw last time he would do so. Even the Shiva, a supposed elder god who had lived longer than anyone, looked unnerved by Mel's behavior.

     "Uhh, M-Mel...?" I asked, fighting the against lump in my throat so I could speak "Mel...are you okay?"

          Mel calmed down as my voice registered in his brain. He took in a shaky breath of fresh air and let it out slowly "Hah, No..." he said, the false humor still in his voice "Sylus, I think I've finnaly gone insane. " Mel elected to lay limply on the ground, his chest rising and falling as he caught his breath.

     "You're not insane, man," I tried to reassure him "C'mon, we'll just take a breather and talk about this, alright? "

     "Alright," he weakly agreed. Mel laughed again hoarsely "Toady has been one hell of a day, hasn't it?"

     I knelt down and put my hand (Is it a paw now?) on his shoulder again. He accepted it this time, but he did stiffen at my touch "You just need some time to process this."

     "I give you all da time ya need to accept ya fate,"Shiva said solemnly "I understand why you're doing what'cha doing. It's hard to cope with all dis...madness, I would know."

    "One more thing..." Mel said, lifting his head to regard the Precursor "What's the deal with that 'contract' you talked about? Like I said, I didn't sign anything."

     Shiva chuckled nervously "Well, ya may or may not have been very intoxicated whilst signing it."

     Mel gaped at her "You mean we didn't pass out in the bar?"

     "No, ya stumbled into da back alley where I ambush ya with a contract.  I tell ya: "I give ya both new jobs right now if ya sign on dis dotted line." Then I give it to ya and ya both signed it."

     "Sooo it our fault?" I asked slowly.

     Shiva nodded "Ja, mon. De other Gods' rules say dat I can't take ya here by force, I gotta get'cha to agree to it first," Shiva snapped her fingers ince again and with a spark of energy, a scroll poofed into her hand "I'll let ya two look at it if ya want to."

     She tossed the scroll to me, I caught it easily and unfurled it, a trail of paper longer than I am tall rolled acros the ground. This contract was damn big. I skimmed over the many paragraphs of endless droning legal talk until I found one that caught my eye "We the pawns hereby agree to give Precursor Shiva all proceeds from show earnings, endorsement fees, broadcast royalties, syndications residuals, vehicle sponsorships, mall appearance fees, collectible card assets, fast-food tie-ins, use of likeness rights, talk show deals, clothing lines, all print rights including book, novella, comic, pamphlet, ticker tape, neon sign and bathroom graffiti designs..." I paused and took a DEEP breath "Toy rights, shoe lines, mood rings, game rights, (GAME RIGHTS?!?!) Vitamin endorsements, city kickbacks, movie deals, and of course, all death and dismemberment accident insurance claims..."

"Wow," Mel commented dryly.

     "Damn straight. " I agreed.

     "I just needed to protect my ass in the legal department," Shiva defended "It be no big deal inside Equestria."

     "Do you need our firstborn sons, too?"

    "No." Shiva snapped her fingers and the contract vanished.

     "Well I'm good with that," I said.

     "Ya got no choice," Shiva reminded us "Anyway, we got too far off topic...I have a gift for ya, Si."

     "Oh yeah, you've got my smokes don't you?"

     "Ja," she tossed the packet of tobbaco-ey goodness to me and I eagerly snagged one out of the pack and put it between my lips.

     "You got a light?" I asked her, she nodded and gave me my silver lighter "Thanks, " One click of a lighter later and I was in bliss. I inhaled...then exhaled slowly, letting the euphoria run through my body. Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out, use the ground as your ashtray, breathe in....

     "Sylus," Shiva's voice broke my trance.

     "Hmm?" I hummed dreamily, letting a cloud roll out of my mouth.

     "Focus mon."

     "Oh right!" I was in a conversation, wasn't I? I must've zoned out. That's kinda what happens when I don't get my nicotine. I moved the cigarette to the corner of my mouth so I could speak "Sorry, uh... what did you want?"

     "I have a gift for ya," She stated.

     "Oh, it wasn't the smokes? Ok then, what'cha got?"

     The same way she produced the staff and the scroll a metal cylinder appeared. I was made from the same alloy as her staff, it had the color of polished bronze but it glitered like a bar of gold. It was hollow on the inside with the top and bottom open, it looked like a bracer. Sevral runic marks were carved into it everywhere. It wasn't any human language,  I can tell you that.

    "What is it?" Mel asked cautiously.

     "It is de culmination of all my people's technological knowledge and ingenuity. We've been developing this peice of equipment for exactly 729 years, ten months, and eleven days, give or take a few hours. We call it The Brace of The Precursors."

     "Oooh-kay, I'll bite. What does it do?"

     "Standard radio communication with anyone within four lightyears, (Only I have de tech to pick up the signal, though) real-time information on ya medical status, a workin' encyclopedia on anything and everything, built-in MP3 player, and a few other features I'll let ya find out on ya own."

     "Well geez, so it's like a souped-up PIP-Boy?" High powered tech and Equestria? Oh this was gonna be fuuuuun!~

     Shiva looked like she was going to hit me again but was restraining herself "No," she said, glaring at me yet again "Dose are only its secondary functions, De Brace is far more advanced den dat. I added dose while ya two were sawin' logs. What makes it so special is its ability to let any non-magical being channel a kind of magic."

     "Like Skyrim?!" I asked hopefully.

     "No," she replied.

     "Than what kind of magic can I do with it?"

     "De kind that my race has harnessed since the beginning, the ancient energy that flows through the universe, governing all living beings."

     "And that is?"

     "Eco."

[3] The Hangover (Part II)

The Chronicles of a Furball

Chapter 3: The Hangover Part Two

Were on a mission from god. -The Blues Brothers

     "Ego?" I asked quizzically "hey, don't worry, I got PLENTY of that."

     Oh boy, here I was, standing in the middle of a country that I only ever visited in my imagination, with a body unlike my own, completely covered in fur, with my best friend as a pegasus pony, talking to a supposed immortal entity who's offering me a lifetime of fortune and adventure in a fantasy world. Oh, and she's giving me something and says I can use it to channel 'magic' and become super OP.

     What the hell was I smoking? Why didn't I keep smoking it?

     Shiva's palm quickly met her furry forehead in a rather epic facepalm "No," she said sternly "E-C-O, Eco. De greatest source of renewable energy in this world, yours, and mine. It is what made me de woman I am to dis day."

     I waved my hand dismissively "Never heard of it," I took another drag of my cigarette and tapped off more ashes to the ground.

     "Dat be not surprising ta me, Eco don't exist in your world at all," she hopped off of her rock and presented me The MacGuffin of the Precursors "Put it on, should be a perfect fit."

     I accepted the brace and studied it closely. The runic language engraved into its polished bronze surface looked a bit like the Elvish language from Lord of the Rings (LAWL! One bracelet to rule them all!). The wide end easily slipped over my fist and onto my right wrist. The cold metal on my soft fur gave me goosebumps all over my arm.

     This thing didn't feel like a simple peice of jewelry, it felt...sentient. A certain saying came to my mind; And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you. I can't accurately say as to why I felt this way, but I felt a presence inside my own mind. As if something was thinking with me. Was this how schizophrenics felt?

     Then something even weirder happened. The brace moved of its own power, morphing from solid to liquid and encasing a whole fifth of my arm in one motion. It writhed and slithered around my body like a liquid snake. I desperately flung my limb about in an attempt to loose the offending object, but something in the deep recesses of my brain advised against it. Forget goosebumps, this sent shivers down my spine and made my skin crawl all over. Definitely not a PIP-Boy I thought.

     Then a tingly sensation, not unlike hitting your funny bone, began in my wrist as the liquid brace settled around it. All of the hair on my body (And there was A LOT of it) stood on end when it finnaly reverted to solid form, looking exactly the same as it did save for being a lot more snug around my arm.

     "Yeesh," I summed up the feeling of being violated by an inanimate object pretty nicely "Next time warn me when you're going to give me something like that!"

     "Well damn," Mel chuckled "I'm not even surprised at that, I don't think anything can surprise me anymore."

     I scanned the brace further, What in the name of Sweet Baby Jesus happened to me? Shiva mentioned all this cool shit loaded onto the thing, but I couldn't figure out how to access any of it. There was no form of interface whatsoever. It just looked like a flashy chunk of metal. Mabye it was voice activated?

     What the hell? It was worth a try. I cleared my throat "Siri...Hey, Siri. Hello?"

     The bracelet briefly pulsed once, turning my vision whitish-blue for an instant "Sir, I do belive that I am not a product of the Apple company in any way, shape, or form," This new voice came directly from the brace, its blue light glowing dimmer and brighter to match the voice's tone. It had a robotic, disembodied British accent. Cool.

     "Cool!" I squeed, completely forgetting about what that bracelet did to me mere moments ago "I have my own AI butler!" This is WAY better than Siri.

     "Well, color me wrong," Mel interjected "I can be suprised."

     I ignored Mel "Who are you?" I asked the bracelet.

     "You may refer to me as Giles," It replied in a monotone voice "Though I must correct you, I am not a 'butler'-" I could totally hear the air quotations in his voice "-I am a Personal Artificial Intelligence Nanocomputer built in to this peice of technology to act as a guide and and an assistant to its owner. Very similar to the Siri you know of but vastly more intelligent."

     "Personal Artificial Intelligence Nanocomputer," Mel echoed "You do realize that his name spells PAIN, right?"

     "An astute observation, Mr. Polanski," Was it me, or was that AI being sarcastic? "You may refer to me by PAIN if my owner wishes it."

     Mel's eyes were even wider than they normally are "How the hell did you know my name?!"

     "I have full access to all of my owner's memory data and personality patterns. I know everthing he does, coupled with the vast banks of informative files stored inside the bracelet itself. But you wouldn't know, would you?" Giles stated condescendingly.

     Mel glared fiercely at my right arm "Smartass."

     "Christmas came early!" I beamed gleefully at Shiva "This is the second best damn gift that I've ever gotten! Thank you kindly, Miss Shiva," I may have been unwillingly hijacked into being her pawn for a big-ass game of chess, but I'll be damned if I forgot my manners!

     Shiva cocked an orange eyebrow "What be de first best gift you ever get?"

     "Getting sent to Equestria with my best friend,duh," I took a drag of my cigarette "Seriously, how do you top that?"

     "I can think of a few things..." Mel grumbled irritability.

     "You better get used to the weirdness, Mel" I chuckled darkly and shook my head "Lest ye go nucking futs."

     Mel sighed and hung his head, suddenly becoming very somber "Yeah, get used to it he says...I'm never going back home, am I?"

     I considered it for a moment, and turned to regard Shiva, who had crawled back onto her rock and was sitting cross-legged "Can he?"

     Shiva broke eye contact looked off into the distance, apparently mulling over our request in her head "I suppose," she said slowly "but not until de game be over. Ya both are bound by a divine contract, which can only be broken my me self. Tell ya what; If one of ya wins me the game, I'll send ya wherever ya want to go, be it Earth or otherwise."

     I looked at Mel "Fair enough for you?"

    "Yeah," he murmured "but how long will your little game take?"

     Shiva scratched her chin thoughtfully "I cannot say for shore. It could take a year, it could take twenty.  That truth be beyond my sight."

     "Alrighty then, one to twenty years in paradise working as pawns for a fuzzy goddess then we go home. Is everyone in agreement then?"

      Mel looked at me and gave a barely perceptible nod.

     "Ja."

    "Great! " I said perkily "So what will you have us do to start, boss? Do you need us to slay any monsters or save any damsel in distress?"

     "No. First thing be first," she said "Before ya can go off and do sumthin' dumb, De Brace of de Precursors need to be tuned to your body. De secondary features may work with no problems,  but ya can't yet channel any eco, not without de proper training."

     "Can't I ask Giles how to do the eco stuff?"

     "No sir," Giles answered dryly "An AI can only go so far as to teach you things. You need an actual expert to show you the techniques of channeling eco."

     "Okay, so I assume your going to teach him then?" Mel asked Shiva.

     Shiva looked embarrassed for a split second, but quickly caught herself "No," (Is it me or does she say no a lot?) "I'm already bending de rules a bit by givin' ya the bracelet,  I can't afford to give you anything else. Even if it be only knowledge. "

     I facepalmed "Of coarse, that would be just toooo convenient. So where can I learn how to channel eco?"

     "Several people actually. All scattered across Equestria," another facepalm from me, so soon after the first "Ya see, dere be six different types of eco, each represents a different kind of energy: Red, Blue, Green, Yellow, Light, and Dark. Last time we visit Equestria, the Precursors appoint six Sages to be de guardians of eco. Dey are the masters of their craft, and wise too. Dey can teach ya everything ya'll need to know."

     "Ok, go see the Sages. Easy enough," Please, please, oooh pleeeeease be that easy!

     "Ja, we keep tabs of where they all be livin'" Yessss! Score one for Si!

     Mel awkwardly shuffled to sit in an upright position "Where do we start?"

     Shiva motioned toward my new bracelet "I've got a map on de brace dat has all de Sages' current positions uploaded to it, check dat out."

     "Shall I do as she says, Mr. Mercury? " Giles queried.

     "Go ahead..." and as and afterthought I added "Oh, and call me 'Captain', 'Mr. Mercury' or 'Sir' sounds like I'm some kind of illegal arms dealer."

     "As you wish...Captain." I didn't realize that a robot could use a disdainful tone in their voice. I guess you learn something new every day!

     Mel snorted mirthfully "Why did I ever show you The Next Generation?"

    "Because it's awesome," I retorted "Now show me the map, G."

     "Please do not call me G" Giles said as the brace hummed and glowed blue again. A large holographic display of Equestria spewed out from the bracelet and formed itself right in front of us. It reminded me of those Iron Man movies, when Stark did his computer-thing.

     First off, Equestria was friggin' gigantic! According to the map's key, it was about the size of a small continent that was composed of several different countries, each country had their own little biome. The temperate forests and grasslands made up Equestria, with Canterlot at it's very heart. The really rocky mountain area to the north was split into several territories, each occupied by a different species. The Changelings had the Changling Wasteland, the diamond dogs owned a slice of land called Gem Fido, The Griffin Dominion was a more jungle-ey, island-from-Lost kind of place and the Dragon Badlands had, you guessed it, dragons in it.

     This was only the northern half of the place! To the south, there was a little corner of geography dedicated to more mountains and volcanoes called the Volcanic Wastes. Right below Equestria was the Great Southern Rainforest which had many lakes and rivers snaking through it, as well as tons and tons of trees. Finnaly to the east of the rainforest was the Black Marsh, so one could assume it was swampy as all get-out. Surrounding the entire continent were many different clusters of islands that were owned by the zebras, dubbed the Zebraconian Isles.

     According to the map, we were only a day and a half's walk from Ponyville, south of Maneapolis, and northwest of Stalliongrad. Pony puns. Me gusta.

     I got a bit off-track, didn't I? Along with the general map were four large dots scattered across the place, each with the color of one of the previously mentioned ecos. The closest one to us was blue, and it was right on top of Canterlot.  Well I know where we're going first! Just west of a town called Wethoof in the rain forest was the green dot, the yellow dot was directly on top of a volcano in the south, and the red dot was nestled somewhere in the mountains of Gem Fido.

     After staring at the map for a few minutes,  Mel was the first to speak "Wait...one, two, three, fou- Where are the other two? You said there were six Sages."

     "You don't say!" Giles' disembodied voice said, badly feigning surprise and causing me to stifle a laugh.

     "Shutup!" He wittily retorted.

     "Am I going to have ta separate you two?!" Shiva snarled.

     "He started it," both parties said in stero.

     "I'll finish it!" Shiva said just as sharply "Now to answer ya question,  I have no idea where they be hidin'. Both de Sages of light and dark went of da grid a millennia ago, we got no way to find 'em."

     "Oh well, I guess we'll run into them sooner or later," I assured "It's a small world after all."

     "Indeed."

     "So is there anything else we need to know?"

     Shiva cracked a small smile and shook her head "Belive you me, dere is. But nuddin' I can tell ya at the time. The best coarse of action would be to visit the Blue Sage in Canterlot,  he should have more to tell ya dan I can."

     "If that's the case, then we better get started!" I declared cheerily.

     "Yeah, let's," Mel said with much less enthusiasm than I "Now if I could only learn to walk..."

     "It'll come to ya in time," Shiva assured him "I'll keep in touch, don't do anything stupid while I'm away, got it?"

     I gave her a casual two-fingered salute "See you in the funny papers, boss."

     "What the furball said," Mel quietly grumbled.

     With a nod at us both and a motherly smile, the goddess took her leave. She made a show of snapping her fingers and disappeard in a shower of white sparks. Poof Just like that she was gone.

     I smirked and took a final puff of my smoke, the cigarette was burned almost to its brown filter so I casually flicked it off to the side "Welcome to day one of your new life, Mel," I announced "It's going to be a doozy."

     Together,  we silently stared off into the distance.  The vast world of Equestria was spead out before us, just ripe with adventure, ready for the picking. Canterlot clung to the side of mountain, its white-washed walls and golden spires  inviting us to come and see the splendor for ourselves.

     I was ready to do this, to go out and explore the world that I belived was synonymous with paradise.  But I needed to commemorate the beginning of my journey with a few words.

     "Come get some."

     And with that being said, we began our first steps into our new selves. This road I was going to walk, I had not a clue what I was getting into. I would meet many people, fight many foes, and drink much booze. It would change me, it would change Mel, and nothing will be the same. Ever.

     Ladies and gentlemen,  welcome to my story. This is only the begining of The Chronicles of a Furball. Until next time, I bid you all adieu.

[4] Walk

The Chronicles of a Furball

Chapter 4: Walk

I'm learning to walk again

I believe I've waited long enough

Where do I begin?

-The Foo Fighters

     "Ooof! ... Goddammit!"

     "Well, so much for 'first steps into our new selves'," I said cynically.

     Twenty minutes.  For twenty minutes I watched my best friend and co-pawn flop around in the dirt, trying to learn the ancient art of walking on four legs. It was hilarious for the first five minutes,  after that it got a little bit tedious. By now Mel's dark blue coat and sunflower-yellow mane was tinged with dirt and grass stains and his face was contorted in a perpetual scowl.

     Mel didn't take long to learn how to stand on four legs, he said it was pretty simple. But coordinating those extremities in unison to produce a standard spacial displacement event (Which means trying to walk) seemed to be hard as hell to him.

     Compared to the time it takes for a newborn human to learn how to walk, Mel was hauling ass. On his fifteenth attempt, he managed twenty paces before he became a faceplant.

     Mel was a hardy bastard,  I'll give him that. After another fall and another curse, he was back on his feet hooves again, ready for another try.

Step...Step...Step...Step....Step...

Slam. Aaa-aaa-aaand fail.

"Sonofawhore!" Mel pounded his hoof to the ground and shouted in aggravation.

     I walked over to Mel and patted him on the back "C'mon man, some species of animals are born knowing how to walk. You're smarter than some animals, you can do it."

     Mel huffed as he picked himself off of the ground once more "Says the guy with opposable thumbs."

     Standing right in front of me at full height, Mel made me realize just how short I really was now that I'm an ottsel. Assuming he was of average height, My eyes only came up to his muzzle. That  made me what? Like two feet tall, give or take a few inches. Ironic, since most HiE stories involved the ponies going all "LOL, humanz! They're all like, way tall!" The ones I've read anyway.

     Though I am only using a single pony as an example.  For all I know, Mel could have been either really tall or really short for a pony. I'd lean toward the tall side since he was about six-feet-something on Earth.

     Luckily, his progress was exponential in its growth. By the hour mark, Mel was walking like he'd been a pony his whole life. Although running (galloping?) was a different story. Mel tried it a few times and only suceeded in churning up more dirt and giving himself a nasty bruise (AND freshly renewing my laughter).

     As soon as he found a comfortable pace to walk with, we made our way toward Canterlot. Mel was moving at a normal speed, for a pony. But for an ottsel, well... he could walk circles around me. The long strides that came naturally with his legs was just as fast as me jogging along with my short, stubby legs.

     One more thing I learned that day, my body was not human anymore. Ergo, there was some things I had to do differently. My new feet weren't the same, they were all broad and floppy. Imagine having clown shoes super-glued to your the soles of your feet at all times, and imagine how ridiculous it would be to get around in those shoes all day, every day.

    You'd imagine that it would suck, correct? Long story short: it did. Walking with, my new feet was easy right off the bat and jogging short distances was manageable, but full-on sprinting was out of the question. The hardest part is that I had to jog alongside Mel ALL DAY, or until we got to Ponyville. Not only was that difficult,  but Shiva hadn't seen fit to give me a body that was remotely in shape. We had to stop periodically so that I could catch my breath and Giles could mock me.

     This went on for about three hours of walking with the summer heat assaulting our bodies. By then, Mel was perfectly fine and I was sweating like a busted pipe.

     "Wait, hah, wait..." I stopped our little two-man caravan with my wheezing and coughing. I didn't lead the most active life back in New York, nor the most healthy. The only reason that I was so scrawny was because of genetics, mosy of my family had beed major string beans.

     "Need another break?" Mel asked impatiently "At this rate we'll be there in about a week."

     "Hey," I said defensively in between ragged breaths "I can't help *gasp* it if you walk *gasp* faster than hell," I took one final deep breath and collapsed onto my back.

     I pulled out my pack of cigarettes and lighter, only four smokes left. Oh god, I hope Ponyville has a place that sells menthol 100s. I lit it, took a deep drag, and put the pack away.

     "Uhh...Si?" Mel asked, looking thoroughly confused at me.

     "What?"

     "Where did you get that?"

     "What, my smokes? Well duhh, out of my po-"

     Wait,

Processing... ... ...

-Error-

     Where did I get those? I already mentioned how I was sent here as naked as the day that I was born. Therefore I had no pockets, and I hadn't been carrying them in my hands. So where was I keeping them?

     I eyed the area where my pants pocket should be, there was only fur, no pockets or kangaroo pouches, or anything of the like. I focused on the idea of my lighter and mimed drawing it from my not-pocket. Sure enough, the silver box appeared out of nowhere. I did it in reverse and the lighter disappeared. Well, I'll be damned.

    "Huh?"

     =============================================

New spell learned!

Hammerspace

Color: N/A

Type: Passive

Description: Huh? Where did you get that from? Ahh, who cares? You can now store and retrive small objects within an invisible magical pocket that came from Celestia-knows-where. Now you'll never lose your keys!

Effects: Permanent +5 boost to carry weight, even without a bag. Items in hammerspace cannot be stolen.

=============================================

     "Just like in a cartoon," Mel remarked "They can pull shit outt their asses."

     "No," I retorted "outta their hammerspace...Uh, hey, Giles."

     "Yes, Captain?" came Giles' attentive robotic voice (I resisted the urge to squee at being called 'Captain')

     "How do people and ponies do that pull-it-out-of-nowhere thing?"

     "Accessing..." was his neutral reply.

     A few seconds passed and his voice returned "That's odd."

     Mel moved closer to me and regarded the bracelet "What's odd?"

     "There doesn't seem to be any information on that subject. I scanned the bracelet's entire archive and nothing pertaining to "hammerspace" or any facsimile stored within its files. Essentially,  I have no idea."

     "Maybe it's a bug?" Mel offered.

     If this AI could scoff, he would've "Precursor technology has advanced far beyond having setbacks like bugs."

     "Or they really don't know," I said, shrugging "Just a mystery to solve ourselves. "

     "Hey, does that mean that I have it too?" That was a good question, only one way to find out.

     "Probably, " I said and tossed him the lighter "Try it."

     He did the same thing as me and exactly the same thing happened "Wiggy," he said and handed me back the ligher in his hoof.

     I took a drag from my smoke "Oh, and you can pick up things with your hooves too," I added "As if you had fingers. "

     Mel's jaw hung open "No shit?"

     "No shit," I confirmed.

     Naturally, he wanted to try it, so he found a rock and picked it up. Just like that. He held his hoof outward so the flat of it was facing outward. The rock clung to him like it was a magnet on a refrigerator.

     Mel stood rigid and stared at his hoof for a good long while, his eyes and face stuck with a look of uncomprehension. His eye twitched ever so slightly and her shook his head, trying to rid himself of these bad thougts.  He grunted and simply said "Cartoon physics. "

     "No kidding," I agreed.

XVXVXVX

     And so we walked toward the mountain, eyes fixed on the mountainous horizon. Canterlot awaited, but first we had to walk there. After our conversations died down to a comfortable silence,  I couldn't help but noticed how damn quiet it was out here. The only sounds that reached me was the gentle whiping of the wind, the rustling of the neon grass, the singing of the wild birds, and the droning of the cicadas.  Now remember this, I'm from New York City. I lived in a town where the blaring carn horns and road construction never stoped, not even at night. I grew up in a place of constant and unending noise. Silence was a luxury that I rarely ever experienced.

     That was not a bad thing, per se. In fact, I was ecstatic. I could close my eyes and and hear only the gentle caress of nature. God, I loved nature. I once went on a weekend hunting trip with my cousin from Ohio. We took a truck out into the middle of the thick woods with noting but some food and water, a pair of sleeping bags, and two12 gauge shotguns loaded with slugs. During the first night, it was wet, cold, buggy, and most importantly, quiet. It was the best night of sleep I'd ever gotten in my life. I shot and missed a deer the next morning, didn't care one bit,

     I don't give a damn if if Shiva said that there are horrible monsters out there that want to put my eyeballs in their cerial, I was in paradise.

     Mel was unconsciously walking faster than me again. Uhgggh, for the love of...

"Cmon, man. Wait up!" I called after him.

     Mel slowed down a bit and turned his head to look at me sheepishly "Sorry Si," he apologized "I can't help it."

     "Stop for a moment,  I feel stupid for not thinking of this earlier," I said.

     Mel did as I asked and looked at me quizzicaly "What?"

     I said nothing,  but instead hauled myself on top of his back and took a side-saddle position "Better?"

     "You want me to be your ride?" Mel deadpanned.

     "Well you are a pony," I retorted "You're built for being ridden!"

     Mel snorted mirthfully "Fine, as long as it makes us go faster."

    "High-ho Melvin! And awaaaa-aaay!"

     Mel turned his head to glare at me fiercely "Do. Not. Do. That."

     I grinned maniacally "Won't happen again," I lied, it was SO going to happen again.

     "Good."

XVXVXVX

     Hours passed, the sun was finishing it's crawl across the sky for today, the bright blue skies faded to the more mellow shades red and orange that accompanied sundown. Sunsets in Equestria are gorgeous, unlike in industrial America,  which always have a haze of greenish smog added to them. Just one more reason why Equestria is a better place.

     Mere minutes of daylight was left before we made camp under an old, twisted oak tree. Mel was worn to the bone from a day of nonstop trekking,  he unceremoniously plopped himself down right at the tree's base. I elected to use my newfound ottsel claws and climbed up the side of the great oak. My small hands easily found purchase on the rigid bark. I chose a branch that curved at just the right angle to accommodate me.

     I laid there, high up in that tree, watching the last few inches of the sun disappear behind the purple mountains,  listening to the crickets chirp their nighttime songs. If I strained my eyes, I fancied that I could spot Princess Celestia standing atop her tower, setting the sun and making way for Princess Luna to raise her moon.

     I looked to the the opposite end of the sky, my eyes searching the horizon for Luna's moon to come and claim the night. The moon rose before me, just as I had expected. But one thing was different from my expectations, the infamous emblem of Nightmare Moon was imprinted upon its lunar surface. Its pure whit eye gazed down upon the world below, watching, waiting, and anticipating the Nightmare's return.

     Ladies and gentlemen, I give you The Mare in the Moon.

     "H-hey Mel," I whispered down the tree "are you awake?"

     "Yeah, but I won't sleep if you bug me like this," Mel griped his response.

     "Check it out," I said, gesturing to the moon.

     With a groan he picked himself up and took a short look at the moon "Ok cool," he said dismissively "Look, that moon isn't the weirdest thing I've seen today. Now, I'm going back to sleep. Wake me again and I will personally climb up there and turn you into a fuzzy orange hat."

     With that said, Mel laid back down and went to sleep. I laid awake, pondering the implications of this new discovery.  This must be what Shiva meant by time travel. How far back in time are we? Mabye it's just a few weeks until season one. But what if the Mane six aren't even born yet? That would make this little vacation a lot less exiting...

I shrugged off the ideas, I'll have to answer those questions myself in the moring. Or will I?

     "Hey Giles," I whispered.

     "Hey Captiain," Giles said in a much lower volume than usual.

     "Are we close to the year that season one happened?"

     "Relatively, " he answered "We are currently in year 999 A.N."

     "So A.N. stands for 'After Nightmare' I'm guessing?"

     "Affirmative."

     "Ok, thanks..." I yawned loudly and stretched out on the branch "G'nite, G."

     "Goodnight, Captain,"

     My question answered,  I foled my hands behind my head and let myself drift off into the warm cocoon of sleep...

[5] Griffin the Flip Off

The Chronicles of a Furball

Chapter 5: Griffin the Flip Off.

"Hey. I'm watching you...like a hawk."

"Why? Can't you watch me like a griffin?"   -Gilda and Pinkie Pie

     "Gooo-ooo-oood moring Equestria!"

     Fun fact #1 about Sylus the Ottsel: He's a moring person.

     Fun Fact #1 about Melvin the Pegasus: He's not a morning person.

     Do you see the dilemma here? I sure do.

     Mel griped and groaned as he was forcibly yanked from his precious slumber. He rolled over and murmured something about carving out my heart with a rusty spoon and wearing it for a belt buckle. Mel always was the creative one of our dynamic duo.

     I did a showy frontflip off off one of the tree's low-hanging branches and landed cleanly on my feet (Should I start calling them paws?). One good thing about being two feet tall and orange is that I became as limber as a wet noodle, and as skinny as one to boot. Acrobatics, here I come.

     "Up and at 'em, it's morning!" I merrily chirped in Mel's ear, his response was to violently and unexpectedly, headbutt my sorry ottsel tail.

     Skulls collided and I was knocked flat on my ass (Have you ever landed on your tail? It hurts like a motherfucker) due to his head's superior weight and strength, not to mention the fact that I was totally unprepared for it.

     "I guess I deserved that," I said, massaging the inflicted spot on my head.

     Mel rubbed the sleep out of his eyes "Sorry," he said dreamily "Just reflex."

     The blue pegasus pulled himself to his four hooves and stretched out his entire body,  not unlike that of a cat. He smacked his lips and surveyed our campsite, his eyes were distant, removed from this world. He didn't move or blink for a few good seconds. He just stood there, staring into space.

     "Mel?" I asked, to no avail. He made no response to me at all.

     I walked up to him, snapped my fingers a few times in front of his face, and asked a little louder "Mel?"

     His face scrunched up in suprise for a split second, he shook his head, snapping out of his funk. "What?" he asked.

     "What's up with you?"

     He smiled sheepishly "Uhm, sorry. I just...hoped that yesterday was a dream. That I could wake up in my bed, back in New York."

     "Are you gonna be alright? " I asked with concern in my voice. After yesterday's hysterics, I wouldn't doubt that our situation is having severe psycological effects on him.

     "Yeah yeah, I'll be fine," he answered, adding a terribly unconvincing smile.

     I was not one to push the matter, when Mel didn't want you to know something about him he gets really stubborn. "Fine," I said "Let's get a move on. I wanna be in Ponyville by today if we can help it."

     Mel nodded and let me climb upon his back once more. Now that I actually had contact with a pony, I found out that they weren't all that soft and fuzzy as fanon led me to belive. They only had a thin coat of fur, and thick skin underneath it, just like a real pony would. In contrast, my fur was thick and poofy like I was designed for cold northern weather. If you think about it, compared to Mel, I'm as soft and cuddly as hell.

     DO NOT tell Mel that I said that!

XVXVXVX

     We spent a few hours of more walking in the thick an soupy summer heat. The geography didn't seem to change all that much, with the rolling meadows of knee-high grass and clusters of wild flowers that spanned all the colors of the rainbow that were scattered amongst the sea green. I'll tell you this again, in case you forgot from last chapter: I love nature. Live the majority of your life in a cage of concrete streets and steel towers, you too would be squeeing like a little girl when you see a field of bona fide, honest-to-god flowers.

     I looked once more to the east, we were only a few miles away from the base of Canterlot Mountain. When we started out yesterday, the city  itself was just a shape on the horizon,  now I feel that I could chuck a stone and hit the underside of it. But Canterlot was not where we wanted to be yet. According to know-it-all Giles, we couldn't simply climb it and end up at the gates. He suggested that we take a train from Ponyville, which was absolutely fine by me.

     My inner fanboy struggled to contain itself at the mere thought of actually being able to traipse around Ponyville and meet everyon- er, everypony that resides there. Y'know, exept for Twilight. She's probably still in Canterlot getting her geek on. Unless season one is happening as we walk, and that I'm missing out on watching the show live. Which reminds me...

     "Hey Mel," I broke the silence of our trekking.

     "Hmm?" He hummed absentmindedly, not bothering to look back at me.

     "I was thinking, since we'll be here for a long-ass time, I should probably bring you up to speed on pony lore so you won't be tottaly clueless. "

     "Sure, whatever, " Mel said in a clearly uninterested tone "As much as I don't want to know about the world...I guess I have no choice."

     "That's the spirit!" I said with sarcastic cheer "You might as well try and stop being such a downer since we're in this for the long run. Hell, you may even get to like this-"

     "Yeah, that's great," he cut me off "Just fill me in and I'll listen...probably."

     "Pfft, fine," I grumbled "So where should I start? Hmmm, I might as well start where the show starts. See, there are these two sisters; one represents the day and the other represents the night..."

     And so I explained to him the legend of the two immortal princesses, the rise of Nightmare Moon, how Celestia had to banisher her to the moon, how that all tied into the show, etcetera etcetera etcetera. I even got Giles to pull up a few holographic pictures of the cast from the bracelet (Jesus! When Shiva said it had a lot of data stored in there she really meant it!).

     Thankfully, Mel listened intently the whole time, he even asked a friggin' question! It was right around the time I was explaining "Griffin the Brush Off."

     "Hold up a sec!" he interrupted my droning monologue "There are griffins here? Like the half eagles-half lion kind of griffins?" Oh right, I should have mentioned;  Mel loved mythology. He intended to take it as a class in college before he got swept up into Shiva's contract.  Griffins were his absolute favorite type of animal, mythological or real.

     "Yes," I continued "walking, talking, living and breathing griffins. Though I don't know a damn thing about them, I'm basing all of this off of two one-shot characters in the show."

     "Oh, that is soo-ooo-ooo cool!" I could feel all the squee flying forth from his mouth.

     "So you DO admit that Equestria isn't all that bad?" I smugly asked him.

     Mel chuckled a little "I admit nothing!" Oh Mel, you always were the stubborn one.

     I opened my mouth to say something that could be taken as snarky, but I froze. Something directly above us momentarily blotted out the sun, shading our bodies for scarcely a second. Doing stuff like that take some thing big, winged, and airborne. We instantly turned our eyes to the sky, trying to spot what could have passed over us.

     To me, the sky was vast and blue, without a single cloud marring it. Nothing, nothing at all was visible, the blue void just stretched on forever in an endless blanket. "What was...?" I asked.

     "Dunno," Mel whisperd, he was clearly as spooked as I was.

     It happened again, the sun was blocked out, but this time I was looking for the culprit.  I whirled around to see the vague silhouette of a winged creature, flying about in circles, and at a very fast speed too. I watched it complete one loop. Oh shit, I thoughtit's circling US!

The figure, now flying away did a complete 180 degree turn and dived directly at us. My reaction was to hit the deck. I lept off of Mel's back and landed belly first onto the grass. I assumed that my friend did the same.

     I heard a heavy woosh directly above, and the flapping of oversized wings, a strong gale blew me as the figure drew near. I felt an icy claw grip me around the waist, completely stopping any of my movements. Totally under it's power, I looked up to see the burning green eyes of an eagle. It looked back at me with ferocious intent, with the mad glare of a carnivorous predator. The beast's intentions were clear: I was lunch.

      It's grip tightened and with a powerful flap of its massive wings, the eagle...no, the griffin took off back into the sky. We gained altitude at impossible speeds, with the wind whipping at my face like a tornado. I looked down and Mel was already a tiny figure staring back up at me, I could've blocked I'm out with my thumb if I so desired.

     As you had probably guessed, I screamed. I screamed long and hard, straining my voice as I did so. I desperately beat the griffin's underside with my fists, an ultimately useless attempt at freedom. So I continued to scream.

     "AAHHHHHHHHHGGGGGHHH!" I writhed, trying to loosen the bird's grip. Even if I did get free, it would've been a hella long drop. But it was better than being somebody's midday snack.

     "THE MORE YOU SQUIRM," My captor screamed back. Holy shit, it was a woman's voice. Not that I'm sexist,  I just didn't expect the big feathermonster to be a she "THE SLOWER I'M GONNA EAT'CHA!"

     "FUCK OFF!" I yelled back. Sure, it wasn't the wittiest comeback in my book but you can hardly blame me, I was under a lot of stress!

     I kept on pounding her underside, it still didn't affect her. She bent her head down and looked me right in the eye, but her expression wasn't like before. I didn't see that predatory hunger, I saw confusion in those piercing green eyes.

     "You talk?" She asked. Well this is awkward, here I am about to be eaten and she wants to know if I talk, right after I just explicitly told her to "fuck off."

     "NO SHIT, I TALK!" I retorted.  We weren't ascending anymore, the griffin had us gliding on one of those high-altitude air streams. I forget what they're called. I risked a look downwards, we were waaa-aaay up high in the air. The grasslands below looked more like a giant green sea than a big peice of land.

     "Fuckin' hell," the female griffin cursed "I can't eat anything smart."

     I let out a nervous chuckle, releasing a breath that I didn't know that I had been holding "Haha, heh haha, heh uh- what?"

     She stopped our flight to hover in the air. The griffin took me from one claw into another, holding my by the scruff of my neck and raised me so that we were face-to-face. "I said I don't like to eat anything that can talk, " she stated curtly "Wouldn't like it when my food begs for it's life, ya dig?"

     I nodded, a little too quickly and enthusiastically than necessary "Yeahyeahyeah, I dig!" I gave the griffin a half-hearted thumbs up "Now put me down?"

     "Sure, why not?" Then the bitch dropped me.

     I never understood why what happens to me happens. Did I beat puppies and kittens to death in a previous life? Is sarcasm the long-lost eighth deadly sin? Or am I just that unlucky? I'll make a note to ask god about that next time I'm standing at the pearly gates. Then I'll ask him how magnets work and why he made so many weird things taste like chicken.

     Anyway, back to falling.

     I was in a state of complete and total freefall. I had nothing on me, no goggles to protect my eyes, no nylon clothes to protect my skin, and (Most importantly!) no parachute to protect my innards from becoming outtards. Y'know how when people are falling for a long time in cartoons, their faces are all contorted and their lips and cheeks flap comically? Well it's actually like that, and it was what was happening to me.

     And so I fell... my arms and legs were spread outward as to prevent me from falling end-over-end. The force of the wind across my poor ears created a deafening noise. The ground was coming up soon, and I would be be a red splotch over the green fields in a few moments time.

What a hell of a way to end... was all that went through my mind before it happened.

     About three-fourths of the way down, my body lurched as the griffin plucked me out of freefall at the last second. My brain bounced around inside my skull and my teeth rattled inside my mouth, if I had anything more in my stomach I would have thrown it up. That was a feat both terrifying, impressive, and enraging.

     "You...fucking...SUCK!" I screamed as the female griffin as she gently and slowly glided back down to the earth.

     The griffin fluttered just a few feet off the ground and unceremoniously dropped my on my face. Despite the pain of impact that gravity brought me, I was never happier to be have a mouthful if dirt in all of my life.

     The griffin laughed loudly and heartily,  she had a deep, throaty voice "Bah hah hah! Oh gods, you should have seen the look on your- Hah!"

     I picked myself up off of the ground and dusted the soil out of my already dirty orange coat. I turned to look at the offending griffin, her eagle head was pure white while the rest of her feathers were an dark olive green with white at the tips. She wore a pair of saddlebags and a simple necklace with a copper pendant around her neck. A confident and sly smirk was firmly plastered onto her young face. I looked right into her eyes, at a glance one could see only laughter and mischeif.  But if one looked deeper into her green orbs,  one could see hurt, a desperate pain derrived from terrible and traumatic experiences.  There was no doubt about it, this girl had seen some bad things in her life, and lived to tell about it.

     "Bite my furry orange ass!" I snapped. I don't care how much bad stuff she had seen in her days, that's no reason to drop me out of the sky for shits and giggles!

     The griffin idly inspected one of her sharp talons "Heh, I almost did," she said dryly "Lucky for you that I didn't. I never really tasted...whatever you are."

     "I'm an ottsel," I clarified, flipping her the bird (The pun WAS intended) "And why in the sam hell did you drop me like a bad habit?"

     She made made no attempt to hide her shit-eating grin "Ohh you must've slipped~" she said in a musical tone "You should really put on some weight, my big, beefy claws couldn't get a good grip on you~" Ok, even I can appreciate a good snark every once in awhile, near-death experiences aside.

     "Si! Of for the love of- SI!" I turned around to see Mel racing toward us, apparently she dropped me off quite a ways away from where he stood. I felt a twinge of pride in me when he ran, he didn't slip or stumble at all. Mel was really getting the hang of this 'moving around' thing.

     Mel stopped just between the griffin and I. He took a menacing stance and bared his teeth at her "Don't fucking touch my friend!" he growled. You go, Mel! Way to stick up for the little guy! (Literally)

     The griffin girl didn't even blink at his show of aggression, she just waved him off dismissivly "Sure, whatever," she said nonchalantly "I wasn't even gonna hurt him. I don't eat anything that can talk."

     "Then why did you try and scare him to death?!" Mel screamed in her face.

     She still didn't even show signs of suprise, she chuckled and shook her head "Hah, oh you... I like you, you got a fire in your heart" she lightly poked Mel on his chest with a claw "I was just havin' some fun. You can't blame me for getting my kicks when I can. Fuckin' boring out here."

     "Fuck you!"

     "I bet you'd like that!" She retorted,  shooting Mel a seductive look.

     Mel was about to say something angry and hateful,  but I put myself in between them before he could take a swing at her "Listen guys," I said "I'm fine, see?  Not a damn thing is wrong with me.  So can you just back off?"

     Mel scoffed at the griffin and reluctantly backed off a couple of paces. The griffin stayed put.

     "What the hell do you want from us? You had your fun, now go!" Mel  was putting pure venom into his words.

     She casually shrugged "Well at first, I wanted a bite to eat but that's not happening anytime soon. Now I just want to hang out, dudes. I haven't seen anyone worth talking to in awhile. I figure a pissy pegasus and a...fuzzball are more interesting than most of those lame-o fuckers on the road. And I do kinda owe you after I almost gave Shortie a heart attack."

     "Well we don't want to 'hang out' with you, bitch," Mel hissed. He turned and gave me a hard look "Right, Si?"

     "Hey woah, woah," I said, holding my hands up in the classic 'calm the hell down' gesture "I didn't say that. Listen, I enjoy a good prank every now and again, even though she took it a little too far."

     "So you are saying we should just forgive her?!" Mel growled at me.

     "No!" I said just as harshly "But that's no reason to just make her your enemy."

     "Oh great... just great," Mel said cynically "We pop into a magical land of talking ponies and dragons and you start spouting all this 'Friendship is Magic' bullshi-"

     "Enough!" I shouted "You need to calm the fuck down, Mel!" Mel was about to go off the deep end, I'll be damned if I let that happen again.

     "Hey, uh... I don't wanna cause a fight or nothing like that," the griffin (I should ask her name) interrupted "If your buddy doesn't like me I'll just go."

     "Just give us a sec," I told her, then motioned for Mel to come closer. I whispered in his ear "Dude, don't piss her off."

     "Why?" He whispered back "She's trouble, Si. I fuckin' know it!"

     "Yeah, well I probably don't know half the shit about this place that I should, and you know even less."

     "What are you getting at?" Mel whispered,  shooting a glare at her.

     "I'm saying need a guide, someome who knows this land. Not to mention the fact that we also need some muscle, kuz we aren't exactly the dangerous type."

     "But-"

      "No buts! We need her help and that's final!"

     Mel didn't bother to whisper this time "Fine, but I don't like it."

     I broke the huddle and gave the griffin the most honest smile that I could muster "Ok, sure. You can hang with us. What's your name?"

     The griffin extended a clawed hand, I took it in my own and we shook (By god, she had one nasty grip!) "Name's Keria," she said "And you two are...?"

      "My name is Sylus, and this irritable son of a gun is Melvin."

     Keria nodded her greetings to us both "So where are you two fuckers headed?"

     "Were going to Canterlot to see a guy about a bracelet," I said, waving my brace arm at her "What about you?"

     The traces of humor in her eyes disappeard for scarcely a moment, and that look of pain intensified "Same. I need to see a dog about...somethig. I'll tell ya some other time," her eyes shifted back and forth suspiciously.

      It didn't take an idiot like me to see that she was withholding something from me, that was painfully clear. I wasn't new to being out of the loop, Mel did it all of the time, and I slowly learned to see the lies on people's faces. Even if they were bird faces.

     We exchanged a few more insignificant pleasantries with one another, nothing too exiting. And soon we set off again, with our new "friend" in tow. Keria was the first to join our little motley crue, but by no stretch of the imagination was she the last. She was but the first of the many people that I would meet, each with an equally big personality.

     But for now, it was just us three against Equestria. This griffin girl was part of our destiny now, we were bound to share the pain and pleasure that this world had to offer, until death do we part.

 Onward to Canterlot.

Until next time, guys. Keep on readin'!

[7] III Sides to Every Story (Part I: Yours)

The Chronicles of a Furball

Chapter 7: III Sides to Every Story

Part I: Yours

Make love not war sounds so absurd to me

We can't afford to say these words lightly

Or else our world will truly rest in peace

-Extreme

(Fair warning: This is my first time experimenting with shifting viewpoints, so feel free to verbally bash me over the head if I it screw things up, or send me a cookie if I get it right.)

Keria the Griffin

     "Seeyouguyslaterbye!" I shouted as quickly as I could. I turned tailfeather and took off before those two geeks could reply. I pumped my powerful wings as hard as I could, trying to get as much distance from those three as possible.

     Over the whipping of the wind, my keen eagle hearing could barely make out someone below calling me a "Chickenshit" at the top of his or her lungs. Five bits says that it was Mel doing the screaming. That guy really needs to stop being pissed off all the time, he's gonna start getting grey hairs by the time he's thirty. I could see him in my mind, growing old and becoming that irate "Get off my lawn!" kind of guy.

     I pumped my wings, ascending higher and higher, letting the natural updrafts carry me the rest of the way. Puff! My body penetrated a fluffy white cloud, the pleasant and fuzzy feeling of nimbus washed over me like a wave.  I reversed my path and hovered gently, landing on top of it. I was there, safe, sound, and where no raging earth ponies could follow me.

     I peered over the edge of the cloud, my eagle eyes picked out the two ponies and ottsel. They seemed to have forgotten about me. Just what I needed.

     I collapsed across the cloud, letting out a tense breath as I could finnaly relax. I laid there, staring up at the endless blue void that is the sky. I always really liked laying lazily on the clouds, there was almost never anybody to bother me up here. I could've just dozed off right then and there, but that was never a desire I wanted to indulge with my life the way it is.

     A terrible thought drifted into my brain. Gods, I hope that farmer didn't get too good of a look at me. I don't want him blabbing to the local authorities about this, I didn't need another fucking organization after me. Though he probably won't make too big a deal out of a few apples, but then again most ponies around the capital can be overly anal about crime. Naive little bastards got it too good.

     "Damn," I hissed to myself, pounding my fist on the cloud as the realization struck me "Those two dorks know all about me. Fuck!" If one of those dickweeds squeals on me, I'll be in some deep shit. Having a pack of mongrels that want my head on a pike was one thing, but having the Equestrian Royal Police hot on my heels was another. Trust me, I do not look very good on a wanted poster.

     Don't misunderstand me, Royal Gaurds aren't exactly the best and brightest when it comes to tracking down wanted criminals. They're about as efficent as using a table knife to dig your way out of prison, and about as intelligent as a box of hammers, but they make up for it by having the authority to put out bounties.

     Honestly, it's the bounty hunters that scare me. They don't abide by the rules laid out to the Gaurd, being totally freelance. Bounty hunters will lie, cheat, steal, and and torture their way to you if you happen to be on the wrong end of a wanted poster. They also tend to be more creative than your average pony, using customised gear designed to incapacitate and make you easier to hand over to the Gaurd, trussed up like a Hearth's Warming present.

     "Fuck," I whispered "I haven't even seen any of those damn dogs in a week,"  They have to be planning something. Hunters don't just leave their bounties,  not after three years.

     I focussed my vision upon the other clouds surounding rounding me, my eyes picking out and examining the most minute of details at lightning speeds. Nothing was out of order, no other griffins or pegasai were standing on the clouds. I was alone, no Hunters around.....

     "Relax!" I commanded myself "How they gonna get up here, huh?" I can't get myself worked up over nothing, it never pays off to be paranoid. "You're in the midde of the most powerful country in the world on top of a gods-damned cloud, there's no way they can get to you. Keep it together, Kree'ara!"

     "Who's Kree'ara?"

     I whirled around in a complete 180 degree turn, flaring out my wings threateningly and flashing my razor claws, a natural defense of us griffins. The voice from behind me belonged to a pretty, sky-blue pegasus mare. She had one wild-ass hairstyle that was colored with every single hue in the rainbow, making her look like the leader of a gay pride parade.

     She widened her eyes at my display of aggression, but didn't fly away or burst out crying like most other mid-country ponies did. Hell, she didn't even blink, she just stood firm. This one wasn't afraid of me.

     I tucked my wings to my side and dropped the 'Don't fuck with me' look. In my fit of paranoia, I was expecting a bounty hunter. But this mare had no weapons or armor, she wasn't scarred or beaten at all, and she didn't have that predatory glint in her eye. If she was a bounty hunter, then I was Princess Fucking Celestia.

     "I am," I finnaly answered "But don't you ever call me by that, only my family can use that name. Call me Keria."

     "What were you doing talking to yourself up here?" The mare asked accusingly, staring me down with a hard look.

     "Nunna yo business," I said nonchalantly "Can't a lady have a chat with herself up here?"

     The mare snorted mirthfully "You don't exactly look like the "lady" type to me."

     I chucked darkly "Yeah, you got that right, kid...You know, not many ponies have the talent to sneak up on me like that. What's your name?"

     The hard look shifted to a cocky grin, she flew up in the air and did a seires of showy flight maneuvers, twisting and rolling this way and that. I hsve to say, it was actually pretty good. "I'm Rainbow Dash! Equestria' s most awesome flier and future leader of the Wonderbolts-" She landed and finished her little intro with a dramatic showpony's bow "At your service!" Wow, somepony must have woke up on the narcissistic side of the bed today. Quick, hide the mirrors! She might accidentally fall in love with herself! Though, I can really respect her confidence,  especially in front of a big, scary griffin like me.

     "So what's got you all curious about a lone griffin, kid? Didn't your mother teach you not to talk to strangers?" I asked with moch sweetness in my voice.

     Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes "I'm not afraid of griffins. I had a griffin bunkmate back at flight school, she was actually a lot like you. All, gruff and stuff like that."

     I started pacing my way toward her, slowly and methodically. I walked as tall as I could, giving Rainbow Dash a subtle reminder of my superior size. The pegasus stood there, unflinching, cocky grin still plastered on her face. She really wasn't afraid of me. Challenge accepted.

     "She did, did she?" I put on my rarely-used seductress voice, making sure to use an underlying tone of danger that came naturally to me "Well I highly doubt that, there is no griffin in Equestria quite like I am, I assure you."

     "I probably shouldn't tell you this," I continued "But I'm hiding up here because a group of snarling, gnashing diamond dogs are after me for killing off most of their pack. You probably shouldn't get too close, I might bite," I finished with a wicked-evil smile.

     "Nice try, genius," Rainbow said, stifling a laugh.

     "What in the world are you talking about?" I said coyly. Our faces were mere inches away now, I gave her a malicious smile, flashing my bird-lion hybrid teeth.

     "Your trying to intimidate me, make me run off like a little foal. I'll tell you now: It's not going to work."

     I pulled my face from hers, letting my voice go flat "What? Oh for the love of-" I faceclawed "-You mean your not scared at all?!"

     She gave me another cocky smile, I wanted to smack it off of her "Nope!" Rainbow said cheerily "I saw right through you!"

     "Dammit," I grumbled "First him and now you. I must be loosing my edge..."

     "Him?" Rainbow questioned.

     I waved my claws dismissively "Just some other pegasus I met today, he wasn't afraid of me either. He put himself in between me and his friend, probably knowing that I could have broken his legs in a heartbeat, he did it anyway. Fucker."

     "Sounds like he's not "just some pegasus'"to you," Rainbow observed dryly.

     "Don't you have some Wonderbolt shit to do?" I made a shooing gesture at the rainbow mare "There's nothing to see here, go do a barrel roll or something."

     Instead of fucking off like I prompted her to do, Rainbow Dash tucked her legs underneath her body, her eyes defiantly saying 'Just make me.'

     "I'm on break," she said in a deadpan tone.

     I huffed, "Fine, but I don't know why a filly like you would hang around a griffin like me."

     She shrugged "Curious, I guess."

     I broke eye contact and elected to stare off into the distance, soaking up the sight of the town of cottages below me "Whatever," I said coldly.

    "So who is pegasus? Sounds like he's got guts to stand up to you."

     Not averting my gaze from the horizion, I said "It was so...so dumb of him. That idiot just stuck his neck out for his little scuzzball of a friend. It...I... he was just a scrawny little flightless blank-ass and he stood tall, as if he could take me on! Me! He had every reason to run away and he didn't. I just don't get why he's so...so..."

     "Brave?" Rainbow Dash suggested.

     "Hah!" I barked a cold, harsh, humorless laugh "There's no such thing as bravery, kid. Not where I come from."

     "Oh yeah?!" She shouted, her voice and body language become much more aggressive than pasive "I'll tell you that your looking at the bravest there is!"

     I cast a disinterested sideways glance at her "if you say so."

     "Wow," Raibow Dash stated in sarcastic tone "you must have all kinds of friends with that attitude."

     "Trust me, I have tons of them!" I said with equal amounts of sarcasm "And you must have all kinds of fans with that self-serving arrogance of yours!"

     She scowled at me, her pretty face cornorting into an ugly visage of anger "Why do you have to be so angry at me?  Just cause I wasn't scared of you?"

     "What do you care?!" I raised my voice, finnaly turning to look her in the eye "I'm just a fuckin' stranger to you!"

     "I was just curious! Okay?" Rainbow was gritting her teeth now "I saw somepony who looked like they wanted someone to talk to and I talked to them. Big whupp! If you don't want to I'll just leave."

     "Go ahead, I'm not stopping you," I bitterly returned "I'd rather be alone than with some random mare who wanted to play twenty questions. "

     I turned my back to Rainbow Dash and laid down on the cloud, effectively ending the conversation. I made myself busy by continuing to survey the ground below. Partly because I liked the view, and partly because I was watching for Hunters.

     Down there, the entire town was bustling about like a colony of pastel colored ants. From this distance,  all the houses looked almost completely uniform. Save for a few outliers,  they were all just simple cottages with straw roofs and off-white walls. Most of the activity in Ponyville took place in the market square, moving to and from the simple wooden stalls where the merchants proudly displayed thier goods. Small foals played in the streets, nudging a ball back and forth and more often than not annoying the older folk with it. A few in-flight pegasai on the other side if the town were clearing clouds, letting the bright sunshine warm the ponies below. The entire town radiated harmony and peace.

     Seeing this town just reminded me how starkly contrasted Equestria is with the Griffin Dominion where I grew up. No starvation,  no enslavement, no sickness. Hell, I'd bet there wasn't even any petty crime here. Gods,  these little ponies have no idea what happens beyond their country's borders, do they? Lucky bastards.

     I sighed, turning my brother's copper pendant over in my claws. I could probably settle down here one day, after all this Bounty Hunter shit is over with. Of coarse that would be a long, long time from now. Fuck...this stuff never gets any easier.

     "You know, " Rainbow Dash's voice came from behind me.

     I turned around to offer her a flat look "Still here, huh? Fine I'll bite; I know what?"

     "You never answered my question: Why are you mad at me?"

     I let out another sigh, sighing is good you, y'know. Lets you share your self pity with others. "Some times I just don't fuckin' know, kid."

     I twisted around to access my backpack. I dug around through the endless amount of crap that seemed to collect in there, I fished out my prize: A bottle of cheap Stalliongrad Vodka. The clear contents made a sloshing sound as I swirled it around, noting how it was half empty. Pleased with the look of it, I bit the cork off and spat it out, relishing in the loud pop it made. The cork fell through the cloud silently, I idly wondered how badly it would hurt to get hit by one of those from this height.

XVXVXVX

Meanwhile...

     Back down on the earth, far below Keria and Rainbow Dash, a blue pegasus struggled to pull a large plough behind him. His friend, a rust-orange ottsel, sat on that plow and hollered what he considered 'Negative Motivation.'

     "Get movin' ya no-toed, belly achin', flightless pony!" Sylus the ottsel shouted.

     "I sweat to god, Si," Melvin responded "When I finish with this field, I'm gonna skin you alive and wear you for a- Ouch!" Mel's sentence was cut off by a sharp pain right on the top of his skull, as if something hard had hit him from above.

     "I don't know what an 'Ouch!' is, Mel. Care to explain?"

      Melvin rubbed the afflicted area with a hoof, he glared up at the sky, seeing no possible reason as to why somethimg would fall on him. "Something fell on me," Mel explained "Not a clue what."

     Sylus didn't respond, his eyes were fixed on a tiny object sticking out of the dirt, he hopped off the plough and picked it out. It was a dirty cork, made for plugging up liquor bottles. He presented it to his friend.

     "All cork can't just fall out of the sky, Si," Mel said it as if explaining something complex to a small child.

     Si turned to peice of cork over in his fingers, deep in thought. "Got any better explanations?"

     "....No."

     Sylus looked up at the mildly cloudy sky "The hell?"

XVXVXVX

     I mentally shrugged. It probably won't hit anyone, anyway.

     "Here comes the pity juice..." I said ironically, and immediately took a swig straight from the bottle. The icy bite of the vodka immediately seized my throat,  making me cough a bit. It wasn't at all smooth as some brands I had tasted before. Serves me right for getting the cheap stuff, but it did what it was supposed to: make me numb.

     "Listen," I told Rainbow Dash, gesturing toward her with the bottle "I'm sorry I yelled at'cha. I can be... I can be a bit hot-headed sometimes. Want a swig?" I offered here a drink of icy poision.

     She smiled, but shook her head "Naw, I'm not that much of a drinker."

     I shrugged and took another swig "Suit yourself."

     "But I can be nice when I want to," I continued without another question from Rainbow "It's just that when you see the shit that I've seen, your perspective of the world might change...a lot."

     Rainbow nodded "Sure, yeah, I can understand that."

     I chuckled,  in spite of myself "No, you can't.  It's not your fault, it's just that Tartarus ain't a place you can really know without having ever been there. Dig?"

     "Alright, I can't know," she admitted "things are messed up where you're from."

     "You don't know the half of it," I took another drink. Gods, was this stuff bad "but that's not something I want just to unload on you right here and now. Some fucked up shit happens up in Gem Fido and the Griffin Dominion and, for your sake, I hope you never get to find out the truth."

     "Wow," she said weakly, and didn't say anything after. We sat there in scilence, staring once more at the town below. I finished the rest of the bottle of shitty vodka and stowed the empty flask in my bag.

     "Welp," I said getting up and stretching out my stiff back, they make a very satisfying crackle "Thanks for coming to my pity party, but now it's over and I gotta go find those to dweebs I left, make sure they aren't hangin' by their necks."

     Rainbow stood and cracked her joints as well, then she gave me an offer I couldn't refuse "All this emotional stuff is kinda heavy... wanna blow off some steam in a little race?"

     I grinned mischievously "Oh, I wouldn't wanna show up a future Wonderbolt, would I?" Oh smack talk, never leave me.

     She snorted in reply "As if!"

     "Alright then, challenge accepted!" I tensed my muscles, preparing to take off "First one to the end of Ponville wins, okay? On three..."

     "OneTwoThreeGo!" She shouted, and immediately disappeared from sight in a trail of rainbow magic.

     I stared at the trail for a moment, which slowly dissipated into the air over time "Wish I could do that..." My attention turned to the racing Rainbow Dash, who was half way there already.

      "Shit."

XVXVXVX

The next day...

     I let myself crash into ground, my chest heaving, the cool grass tickling my face. I could feel my whole body pound in rythym with my heartbeat from the last four hours'worth of exertion. That mare had run me ragged. Who knew she had that kind of stamina? She could go two, three, four times and and still finish first without hardly breaking a sweat, I was truly impressed, and at the same time, dead tired.

     Rainbow Dash prodded me with a sky blue hoof "Get up, I'm not done with you yet."

     "Gods Rainbow, your insatiable. No more, just.. no more" I pleaded "I just don't fuckin' have it in me."

     She scoffed, but still cracked a smile "Lightweight."

     "Why? Why did I agree to do this?!"

     She sympathetically rubbed my back "Oh c'mon you big baby, it was just a couple of races."

     "Are you kidding?!" I moaned "We've been doing this all day!"

     "Well, you lost all of them, so say it. Just like we agreed," she stated "C'mon, say it."

     I let out a ragged sight "Fine. Rainbow Dash..."

     "Yee-eee-eees?" She said with sweetnes in her voice.

     I said it as flatly as I could "You are the greatest pegasus to ever grace the skies with your majesty. Your competition trembles in the wake of your complete and total awesomeness. I am-" I cringed "-I am unworthy to lose to a soon to be legendary Wonderbolt...Bleh."

     Rainbow made no effort to hold back her amusement "Bah hahaha! You best not forget it!"

     "Why did I agree to this?" I repeated "Hindsight is twenty/ fuckin' twenty I guess."

     "Hah hah hoh..." Rainbow Dash's laughing eventually died down. She wiped a tear from her eye "Now what should we-"

KAA-BOOOOM! ! !

Whatever Rainbow wanted to say was lost to the deafening roar of a massive explosion. The ground underneath rattled and quaked with the concussion of the blast, knocking me on my ass. I immediately looked toward the source of the roar, a large cloud of black smoke wafted from a spot somewhere outside the town.

     "Well that was sudden!" I shouted.

     Rainbow recovered before I did, she darted over to me and helped me on my feet. "C'mon!" She ushered me into the air and we both took off toward the pillar of smoke.

     Explosions. Why did it have to be explosions?

XVXVXVX

Meanwhile, back on Earth...

     You sit alone at the computer desk in your home on a clear dark night. The world is quiet as you finish reading the latest chapter of The Chronicles of a Furball.

My, wasn't that a different chapter? You think to yourself. And why does that have to end it on on a cliffhanger? Cliffhangers scare me!

Your contemplation is interrupted with a light poke to your side. You look to see who is bothering you at this hour and your heart leaps into your throat. You have the urge to scream at this strange intruder, but you ressist it for whatever reason.

     Standing mere feet from you was a large, mean-looking griffin with green feathers and a copper pendant. She regards you with a mildly bored expression.

     "To be fuckin' continued!" Was all the griffin said. And with a snap of her claws, she disappears in a cloud of smoke.

     You begin to have second thougts about reading so much fanfiction.

[6] Malusdomesticaphobia

The Chronicles of a Furball

Chapter 6: Malusdomesticaphobia

Malusdomesticaphobia /n/ The scientific term that describes the phobia condition in which one fears apples. See: Malusdomesticaphilla

     And so we walked.

     Keria, Mel, and I walked down the dusty and worn dirt road to Ponyville, we were mere miles away from the fabled town now. The rolling fields of flowers and knee-high grasses gave way to a long, winding carriage path, beaten flat by decades of use. We were actually moving away from Canterlot now, we traveld too far northeast of the town, since we were aiming for the city on the mountain we overshot Ponyville by miles.

     Not an hour ago was the griffin that we traveled with seriously was considering stealing me away, gobbling me up, and using my bones for toothpicks. Now she walks at our side, offering friendly conversation and somewhat pleasant company.

     Funny how life works, isn't it?

     As you would guess, Mel didn't take his eyes off of the griffin girl. That guy has some serious trust issues, but not without reason. I understood his extreme suspicion, but I didn't condone it.

     I rode on Mel's back, as per the usual, he took pains to always be walking behind Keria and watch her every move, like a shepard watches a wolf. I took pains not to make  "Staring at her ass" joke... Yet.

     Keria was either ignorant of his behavior, or she didn't give a shit. She lead the way, walking us to Ponyville and not paying any attention to Mel or I. That is, until she slowed her pace to walk beside us (Much to Mel's disdain).

     "Hey uh, Melvin...Can I ask you a quesion?" She asked.

     He barely restrained himself from casting a glare her way, barely "What?" He asked in a disinterested tone.

     Keria snickered "Why are you a -what do they call it? Why are you a "blank-flank?"

I already gave Mel a brief rundown of basic pony culture, so he wasn't totally clueless.

     Mel shrugged noncommittaly (Weird how ponies can shrug with shoulders that have to support their weight) "Dunno. Haven't found my calling," he said distantly "I honestly don't give a good god damn. What do you care, anyway?"

     "Isn't a ponies special talent like...their whole life? Sounds like something you'd want to care about. They're supposed to get one in like the third grade. And you clearly aren't special needs so... what's the deal?" Well shit, I should've known this whole "I'm really a freakin' human from another world" thing would come up.

     Mel and I shared a look, and we said "Uhhhmmm..." in stero, guilty looks upon our faces.

     "He, uhhmmm uhh..." I explained.

     "Yeah, I ummm..." Mel agreed

     Keria stopped walking and turned to look at us suspiciously "What aren't you telling me?" Dammit, I hate it when we run into intelligent people sometimes. Why can't everyone be easy to fool?

     Mel looked at me "Tell her?"

     I nodded, and turned to Keria "We aren't exactly from this ah... country."

     She motioned for me to continue, growing even more leery "Go on."

     "Weeee, uh-" I hate having to make up lies on the spot "-come from beyond the sea, yeah. And Mel wasn't originally a pony, per se. He was well...he was like me, with the opposable thumbs and the walking on two legs and whatnot."

     Keria cooly gave us an even stare. She could see right through me with her freaky eagle eyes, this was not going well "He looks like a pony in every damn way now. So why is that, hmm?"

     I opened my mouth to feed her another lie, but was cut off by Melvin "Long story short," Mel said in a deadpan tone "We were royally screwed yesterday by in immortal being who thought it would be funny to drop us in a country that we know little to nothing about, put me in a vastly different body, give the less intelligent of us two-" he jerked his head in my direction "-a super powered peice of technology that he has no idea of how to use, and leave us with only a vague sense of what she wants us to do. Oh, and did I mention it was all against our will?" Wow, I'm impressed, he said that in one breath.

     Keria's reaction was just what I expected; she stared at us blankly, not blinking, mouth agape. "What...?"

     This was an opportunity that Sylus Mercury would not miss. I casually hopped off Mel's back, walked up to her, and cupped my hands around my mouth "HE SAAA-AAA-AAAID: LONG STORY SHORT: WE WER-"

     "I know what he said!" Keria snapped, making me jump back in surprise "I just think it's a fuckin' weird story! Geez, I thought MY life was screwed up."

     Mel cocked a yellow eyebrow at her "Wait, so you belive us?"

     "Well yeah," she answered in a matter-of-fact tone "An idiot could've figured that out. First off: You two are fuckin' terrible liars. You stammered and Umm'd when I asked about the ass-tatoo because you haven't had time to hammer out a good lie. You told that story without missing a beat, and it takes time to make up a story like THAT. Plus, people that lie about their pasts tend to go with the most inconspicuous story. In dumbass terms, truth is always stranger than fiction." She finished her explanation looking quite smug and smartass-ey.

     I crossed my arms and huffed defeatedly "I hate smart people." I really did hate smart people. You can probably already tell that I'm not the brightest light in the room. Mel's the brain of our little dynamic duo and I'm the personality.

     "Well the ottsel's out of the bag." Mel said dryly.

     Keria walked up close to the both of us. standing at her full height she was probably a whole head taller than Mel. We were forced to look upward to meet her jade-green gaze.

     Keria sighed "If you don't wanna tell me then I won't blame you," She unconsciously rubbed her copper pendant with a claw "I got my secrets and you got yours. No need to start going through each other's baggage."

     "Especially with a bit- Oof!" I stopped Mel from saying something foul by way of an elbow to the gut. I swear, if he gets into a fist-fight (Hoof-fight?) with the five-hundred pound griffin I am NOT helping him.

     Mel shot a glare my way, but did not say anything. I pretended not to see it, and hauled myself back on top of Mel. Without another word, we turned around and continued on down the road.

XVXVXVX

     Sweet Apple Acres.

     We made it. After a day-and-a-half of nothing but walk walk walk, our fist stop was reached. Ponyville.  My geeky fanboy side leapt for joy the moment when we reached the apex of that hill to see the very edge of the Apple Family's pride and joy.

     The orchard looked just like it did on the show, if not much more detailed.  The hundreds of apple trees stood tall and proud, every branch loaded to the brim with delicious red fruit. I could just barely see the weather vane on top of the Apple Family barn amidst all the trees.

     I searched the apple forests, hoping to maybe catch a glimpse of a certain orange, cowboy hat-wearing farmer bucking away at the trees. To my disappointment, I couldn't see a single pony anywhere. I guessed that they were on break.

     Nopony around to see us...perfect. The first thing that I did was make a beeline for the nearest fruit-bearing tree. I scrambled my way up the trunk with speed like a squirrel being chased by a dog. I grabbed the first apple in sight and took a massive bite out of it.

     By god...it was absolutely perfect.  Let me explain to you how awesome that apple tasted by proposing a science experiment: Go out and buy the biggest, ripest apple you can find and eat it. Then try not to cry, because that supermarket apple cannot possibly compare to an Apple Family apple. This glorious peice of fruit was not contaminated by any pesticides or pollution, it was one hundred percent natural...and the flavor was like nothing else.

    I know I was technically stealing from AJ and the family, but give me a break! I haven't had a bite to eat in over twenty-four damn hours, I was hungrier than I had ever been in as long as I could remember. And this apple was really, really good.

     Mel heartily shared my enthusiasm for food at that moment, he stood at the base of my tree and yelled up at me "Hey Si, throw me one of them will ya?"

     "Surph fing!" I said with a mouthful of apple and tossed him down two if those red beauties.

     He caught the first in his mouth, not bothering to take a bite. He chewed the thing whole, core and all. I couldn't tell for sure, but I thought he made a garbled "Om nom nom" sound as he chewed. After struggling to swallow the whole thing, he was finnaly able to breathe again. "That," he said, gesturing to the other apple "was the best damn thing that I had ever tasted in my life."

     Keria casually walked to his side, looking at him with a mixture of humor and condescension "Y'know you coulda just flew up and grabbed one."

     "Not reall a pony, remember?" Mel said, then he took the other apple and bit a huge chunk out of it "Mmmm...apples." he did his best impression of Homer Simpson,  which was right on the money.

     I grabbed another for myself, these thing were HE-YOOGE. Well, they were the size of a normal apple it's just that I was small. Ergo, everthing else was bigger than me. The apple was probably the size of a cantaloupe from my point of view.

     I polished that one off and tossed Mel a few more, he thanked me through more mouthfulls of fruit. Even Keria had one, though I bet apples weren't exactly a staple of the griffin diet.

     I exhausted the apples on the first branch and had to reach a little higher to pick another, that's when I spotted...him.

     Here's a riddle for you: What's big, red, has a tatoo of an apple on his flank, wears a yoke around his neck, and is looking extremely pissed? If you guessed Chuck Testa, you'd be wrong. Nope, it was Big Macintosh, standing between a pair of trees with a pitchfork in his mouth, glaring daggers at us.

     "G-guys... we got company!" I stammered, everyone turned to see Big Mac and froze as their eyes met angry visage. Looks like we've ben caught *Sunglasses* RED HANDED.

     I will regret making that joke.

     "Uh..." Mel said nervously, bits of apple falling out of his stuffed face "Hi?"

     The red farmer dropped the pitchfork from his mouth "Howdy," Big Mac replied threateningly in his deep baritone voice.

     "This is your land, isn't it?" Mel asked.

     "Eyup." Mac said stoically.

     "These are your apples, aren't they?"

     "Eyup."

     "And we're in trouble, aren't we?"

     His face hardened "Eyup. "

     "Fuck."

     "Seeyouguyslaterbye!" And just like that, Keria abandoned us. We turned around to look and she was already in the air, half way to the safety of the clouds.

     "CHICKENSHIT!" Mel screamed insults at Keria she flew away.

     Big Mac paid Mel and her only a glance, his fiery gaze was planted firmly on me, the poor, dumb, schmuck with the half-eaten apple in his hand. I dropped the apple and skittered down the tree, taking my place, hiding behind  Mel.

     "We don't take kindly to somepony stealin' from are trees," he drawled in his deep southern accent "Y'all better pay fer those...or else." He trotted over to is, reminding me just how damn big Big Mac was. He was at least a foot and a quarter taller than Mel.

"We uh," I said weakly, peeking my head around my friend's leg "we don't have any money...."

     This only made Mac glare harder at me, I could have sworn that I head a growling coming from deep within his throat.

     "Let me handle this," I whispered into Mel's ear, he nodded and said nothing. I revealed my self fully and took a few steps closer to the pissed-off pony.

     So you've been caught stealing fruit from an angry farmer pony who could potentially use his hooves to turn you into a pile of sticky orange jelly, what do you do?

     Easy, you grovel like hell.

     I put my hands in front of me in the universal gesture of Please, oh please don't kill me! "Ohmygod I'm soo sorry!" I groveled "Please, we don't any money or anything to pay you with, we don't have a single bit to our names! Were travelers who haven't had a bite to eat in two days, you gotta understand!" Woosh, there goes my pride "If you have a way for us to repay you, we'll do it!"

     "Wait, we will?" I ignored Mel.

     Mac's gaze shifted away from my eyes to some place lower. I followed it to find that he was staring at the Brace of the Precursors. I instinctively hid it behing my back, away from the farmer's prying eyes.

     "That shiny peice'a jewel'ry will do fine," he said with a trace of...desire(?) in his voice.

     "Uh Captain, " came the voice of Giles from behind me "It would not be wise to trade me like a cheap peice of scrap metal, I'm worth more than the entire Equestrian treasury!"

     "Shuddup, G!" I hissed through my teeth.

     "Th' entire 'Questrian treasury..." Big Mac repeated Giles' words "Ah suppose an enchanted bracelet is a little more than a few apples."

     "That's what I just said!" Giles exclaimed offensively.

     "Don't antagonize him!" I hissed.

     Mesmerized by the bracelet,  most of Big Mac's rage faded away. So instead of being completely livid, he was looking a little more on the irritated side. "Ah suppose that y'all can work it off..."

     "Deal!" I said instantly. What? Farm work is better than getting my teeth kicked in by one If my favorite side characters! And besides, Big Macintosh scares the bejesus out of me.

     "Wait," Mel said suspiciously "What kind of work?"

     The remaining anger in Mac's face was gone, instead his face wore a wry smirk "Lemme show y'all..."

XVXVXVX

     "This fucking sucks!" Mel whined loudly.

     "S' just a few more rows!" Big Mac hollered from beyond the fence "Y'all need ta quit bein' lil' fillies!"

     Here we stood, in the middle of a baren corn field just outside of the apple orchard.  This was a place of growth an harvest,  the soil we stood upon was a healthy brown, perfect for planting crops in. I checked the sun- it was only a few inches from the horizon,  so I figured we had about two and a half hours until nightfall. Big Mac was chilling just outside of the feild's wooden fenceline, chewing on a peice of straw and watching us work.

     Well, watching Mel work. He was harnessed into a thick iron and wood plough. Mac assigned him to this job, ploughing the field in preparation for planting corn seeds. It was possibility the most demanding and mundane job that I could ever think of. And Mel griped and groaned the entire way through.

     Me? I wasn't doin' nuddin! Lazy, I know, but you have to understand that this is a farm. Farmwork is hard work, and do you think my twenty pound body could pull a hundred and fifty pound plough?  Hell no! The truth is, there was nothing on the farm for me to do, so Mel just had to work hard enough for the both of us.

     "C'mon pansy!" I shouted at him "Keep on pulling, or else Big Mac is goin' to rip you a new one!" I decided that I wasn't being very productive by not working, so I'd just have to provide some "motivation" for Mel. I sat on the wodden part of the plough and flung the most annoying and petty insults that I could think of at him. I had no idea of it was helping him work harder or not but it was really fun.

     "Si, I will kill you. Okay? I will KILL YOU!" Mel growled I'm my general direction. He was sweating like a hog after pulling that chunk of farm equipment for the last four hours. He had done about 80% of the feild in that time, moving the plough inch by inch across the fertile dirt.

     "Hi ho Melvin,  and awaaa-aaa-aaay!"

     Mel grunted with the effort of pulling the plough, moving us a few inches "*Nnng* SHUT UP!"

     "You mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries!"

     Big Mac cringed momentarily "Ouch," he chuckled, regardless "Funny though."

     "That's the fourth time you *Nnng* quoted Mony Python!"

     "Bitch, please. I have a million more coming!"

     "Furball!"

     "Izzat the best you got?"

     "I *Nnng* am a little busy at the moment!"

     We continued swapping derogatory words for god knows how long. It quickly turned into a game for us, number one would sling a colorful insult at number two and number two would try and one-up that with something more outrageous. It went on and on until it was minutes between turns, by sunset we were working in comfortable scilence. Mel had plowed the entire field,  from end to end. The moment he finished, he unhooked the plough and plonked himself down in the dirt, drawing deep, ragged breaths.

     " I *gasp* did it!" Mel said tiredly. He laughed "Heh heh *cough* That's funny..."

     I hopped off the farm equipment and sat cross-legged across from Mel "Whats is?"

     "I always thought that the worst *gasp* job in the world was sitting at that desk. Heh heh *gasp* I was wrong."

     I laughed too "Yeah, but you know what?"

     "What?"

     "I bet those apples were worth it!"

     "Hah, they were!"

     Then we laughed together, long and hard. We laughed until our sides hurt, which came quicker to Mel than to I. It just felt good. It felt good to see Mel as his old self and to joke and laugh with him again. Ever since we came here he's been nothing but mean and irritable. You may not know, but it worried the hell out of me to see him like this. Those worries seemed farther away at that moment, maybe he just needed a little more time to adjust to the chaos.

     We sat in scilence,  just taking in the view. This was my second Equestrian sunset, and boy does the view only get better. The blue sky faded to red and the shadows of the tall apple trees were cast all across the field. I haven't felt peace and calm like this since that trip to Ohio, I truly was in the promised land.

     "Maybe this isn't so bad after all," Mel broke the quiet "I could get used to a place like this."

     I drew out my pack of cigarettes and lit up. After taking a slow drag I said "You're preaching to the choir, man," I idly blew a small smoke ring toward the sunset "Just wait til we get to Canterlot, I know you're gonna like it there."

     "Scuze me?" A girly voice with a distinct southern twang sounded from behind us. We turned aroud to the a little yellow filly with a big red bow in her hair. Applebloom. She was carrying a metal tray with a large glass of icewater on her back. (How do ponies do that? The same way they hold things with their hooves,  I guess.)

     "How's it hangin'?" I greeted her with a two-fingered salute.

     "Mah brother sent me out here ta give ya a drink'a water." She said, presenting the tray to Mel. He gladly took it and chugged it like it was the last glass of cold water in a thousand miles. "Ahhhh..." he said. After he was finished, he sucked up an ice cube and swished it around in his mouth like a hard candy.

     "Thanks," he said gratefully "I really needed that. I appreciate your coming out here miss...?"

     "Applebloom," she answered.

     "Hold the phone," Mel said "Big Macintosh,  Applejack, and now Apple Bloom? I'm starting to detect a pattern."

     "No kidding," I said sarcastically "I didn't notice."

     "Big Mac says ya did mighty fine work out here. He wants me to tell ya that y'all can stay the night and have breakfast with us in the mornin' iffin that's what'cha want."

     I smiled warmly at the little foal "Warm beds? Free food? Big Mac not wanting to buck us like an apple tree? How could we possibly say no?"

     "What Fuzzy said," my friend agreed, popping another ice cube in his mouth.

     "Great!" she replied "I'll show ya to the house and get'cha comfortable. Follow me!"

     She trotted off toward the fence gate at a brisk pace, one that would probably wear the overworked Mel out. "Wait up!" He shouted after her.

XVXVXVX

     Applebloom was true to her word and she led us into the Apple Family homestead. The place wasn't as big as I always imagined it to be, it was just a five-beedroom two-floor house with a kitchen, dinning room, and a living room. How they fit the entire Apple Family in there, I'll never know.

     Big Macintosh stopped us on our way in with a pleased smile, any traces of the events earlier today had gone from him. All that mattered to the farmer was what we had been doing for the past six and a half hours. Here was a stallion that really belived in redemption.

     He said that Mel had done enought work to pay off the apples we stole and then some. He handed us a pouch with a total of twenty bits, and gave us and offer to stop by and have a glass of cider with him anytime. Mac mentioned that he really appreciated our help because he had been swamped with work for the upcoming Summer Sun Celebration.

     "Say, when is the Festival anyway?" I asked him.

     "'Bout seven days tomm'ara," he answered "Why d'ya ask?"

     "I uh, just like more than all the other holidays," Wow, Keria was right, I am a bad liar.

     "Eyup, I got real giddy when ah heard it was Ponyville's turn this year," I had a very hard time picturing Big Mac getting giddy. Then again,  he can't be all chillaxed all the time can he?

     Mel was about to say something,  but words were swallowed up in an epic yawn "I don't mean to be rude," he said, stifling another yawn "but where is this bed you spoke of?"

     "Right this way," Mac said smiling.  He led us up the creaky wodden staircase and to a sparsely furnished guest bedroom. Mel wasted no time in finding the bed and throwing himself on it, he muttered his goodnight and was out like a light.

     "I figger y'all don't need a full size bed," Mac said quietly, as not to disturb the sleeping Mel "so ah just fixed a couple blankets 'n a pillow in that basket over there."

     "That's just what I needed," I whispered back "thanks for everthing,  Mac. See you in the morning."

     Big Mac inclined his head "No problem, pardner, and left the room. I quickly got myself situated in the basket. Oh my god, this pillow was made of real goosefeather. So soft. Is literally everthing better in Equestria? I'll have to test that theory...tomorrow. Right now is a time for sleeping.

     I closed my eyes and let the warm cocoon of sleep overtake me...

Re-rewrites: An Even Franker Discussion

Re-rewriting: Revenge of the rewrite.

   Yes. I'm not kidding. I'm rewriting this fic AGAIN.

     Reasons:

1: I sucked at writing before and  when I rewrote it for the first time.

2: The plot was already muddled and the pacing was slow.

3: Generic generic generic.

4: I was taking it WAY too seriously.

5: Wasn't having fun with it.

     Most of you had probably forgotten about this, and those who didn't probably belived that I left it for dead. For those of you who follow The Chess Game of the Gods forum, you may have seen my post asking for opinions on whether or not to abandon ship. Most people replied "quit whining," "do what you feel is best," and some even said "keep on going." So I did decide to continue on, but I realized something: I was taking it way too seriously. I mean, I started off by doing it for fun and for pushing my writing skills. Those following me early on can easily say that I fucking sucked at it. Now, I'm just worried that my ideas are too generic, or that the pacing was too slow. Then I started angsting over how long it's been since I posted the story and that you, the readers, had started ignoring the fic.

     I've got a new policy now: Fuck me, I do what I want!

     So yes, that means I need another fresh start. But this time, I'm removing the story from fimfic, changing damn near everything except for the Si's name and race, HAVING FUN THIS TIME, and posting it under a brand new name.

     So if you're still reading, and you still like The Chronicles, maybe you should check up on my user page from time to time, see if the new Chronicles (or whatever I may call it) is up.

     I should apologize for not posting a real chapter  in awhile, but I won't.

-Ciao