A Pinkie Proposal

by Slag

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Pinkie Pie, Crossover, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 501

The brilliant writer Pinkie Pie gives her opinion on the issue of overcrowding in Equestria's cities

Pinkie Pie, like all good writers, has her eyes on Equestrian politics. Recently, politicians have been discussing the overcrowding of Equestria, as well as various possible solutions. Of course, Pinkie realized that nothing they suggested could possibly work, and has her own ideas on how to solve this problem.

A parody of A Modest Proposal by Johnathan Swift.

Published 2012-01-21 20:07:49 UTC
Last updated 2012-01-21 20:07:49 UTC

The Proposal

It has come to my attention that there has arisen an issue of overcrowding in many of our nation’s large cities. Now, I cannot claim I am an expert on population control by any means, but I have come up with what I think is a rather useful plan of action to eliminate this problem, and not only will it solve the issues of population control, it will also provide an food to those who cannot afford it. I make this proposal hoping that the wise and decent minds of our day and age will listen and agree.

Now, then, what is my suggestion? Well, as we know there are many ponies in these overcrowded cities without work. Since they have nothing to do, they should be of tender flesh and plump build. Taking these individuals to the dinner table would be of great benefit for all. They would be removed from the street where they took up space and other valuable resources and their bodies would be feeding countless. Imagine the bounty of a pony’s body. The flanks themselves would be able to feed a family of four for two days, and there is far more meat than that on a body. A pony would have no trouble feeding such a family for a fortnight.

One issue that has been brought up as a counter argument. What of these ponies’ families? Well, the ponies in question are often either far-estranged from their families so that they will not be missed if they are to disappear. Another argument is this: will these ponies not fight against the issue? To that I say, give them no chance or reason to fight. A pony struck without warning will go down easily and painlessly for all involved. For this purpose, it is best to sneak up on the pony from the back and bring a heavy load down upon the back of the neck. The neck shall break, instantly and painlessly snuffing the pony’s life.

There is, of course, the issue that a pony cannot digest meat. However, this can be avoided. According to studies done on cannibalistic ponies (who, I must say, have been wrongfully accused as evil, when in fact I believe they were merely ahead of their time), a pony's flesh, when properly ground and mixed into baked goods, can be eaten without any intestinal discomfort. The taste supposedly leaves something to be desired, but any starving pony will not care what their food tastes like or where it comes from so long as it ends up in their bellies and keeps them alive and happy for a few more days.

Once again, I trust that the decent and wise ponies among us will see this proposal and realize its potential. I hope to see it flourish and prosper as it solves all the issues of our world. Thank you for reading this, whoever you might be, and giving the idea a fair weighing in your mind.-Pinkie Pie