Chapters My Tiny Pony: Friendship In Miniature
Introductions and Ulvas
Its summer break and today was another day of early morning cartoons, afternoon job hunting, and evening gaming. But sometimes Murphy likes to give wake up calls.
As I slowly regain consciences from my sleep deprived brain (what can I say, Team Fortress 2 is addictive) I slowly became aware of a slight pressure tickling my nose.
I try multiple times to remove the annoyance via hand swatting, but it simply keeps coming back. I swear I hear giggling every time I do it too.
Finally giving up, I open my eyes to something that will change the course of my life.
A pink horse the size of my pinkie finger was sitting on my nose.
After staring a few seconds of staring the cotton candy colored horse made a noise in a chipper tone no one had a right to use at 7 a.m. <“Hi, I’m Pinkie Pie!”>
I give a yelp and jerk, but was cut off by the pink horse.
Who, by Murphy’s sadistic nature, fell screaming into my mouth.
“WHAT THE – GAK!”
“AAAAAAHH – GAK!”
A part of my brain took notice that the pink pony had a sickening sweet flavor.
The majority however was freaking out that I had small equine starting to travel down my esophagus.
So much so that I wasn’t prepared when the horse hit me in the uvula.
"URK!"
Pitching myself over to the side of my bed I threw up the horse onto my bedroom floor, leaving a very traumatized miniature pony .
As I lay there gasping for air, I hear a tiny noise.
<“YUCK! I’m all wet and slimy!”>
As I lay there gasping, I started to focus on the diminutive equine. She was two shades of pink and some others colors on her butt. She was a little wet, but didn't really look like she just got regurgitated. So far the only noise I've heard it make is something that sounds like a horse doing some non-nonsensical singing, if that makes any sense.
Ok, my mind MAY have accepted tiny horses. Technology was turning out crazy things these days. But I knew two things. One, she didn't taste like anything synthetic.
And two, her name was Pinkie Pie. One of the main six from My Little Pony. And Hasbro, last time I checked, weren’t making miniature robotic replicas that sing.
After a few seconds of firing electrons along my cerebral cortex, I came up with what was probably the most suitable thing to say in this sort of situation.
“What. The. Hell.”
My Tiny Pony: Friendship In Miniature
Two Down, Four to Go
Well, you know it's going to be a strange morning when you wake up with a miniature Pinkie Pie on your nose. After trapping her in my water glass (empty) and putting my bedside book on top of it. I sit and stare as she continues making noises at me. By now I'm pretty sure she's speaking. But why she wasn't speaking English was beyond me. I mean, isn't that how it works? Pony or human falls into the others world, and everyone magically knows how to speak each others language...
Well, burn that bridge when I get there. At the moment I'm still trying to understand that I have a miniature Pinkie Pie in my bedroom. I have a miniature Pinkie Pie in my bedroom. I have a miniature Pinkie Pie in my bedroom. Wait... I HAVE A MINIATURE PINKIE PIE IN MY BEDROOM!
I think it was around this point that Pinkie Pie stopped making noises. Looking back on it, she was probably getting nervous with how creepy my smile was getting. Like rape face creepy.
<... Please don't eat me again...>
Huh, she made a noise again. Damn, it’s annoying not understanding one another. I really wish this was like in the fanfics... On second thought, no, I’d rather not fight a manticore right now. Or ever.
There she goes again, come on man think! What would Pinkie Pie want in this situation?
… but I don’t have any cupcakes.
Well I guess I can get her something to drink at least.
“Alright Pinkie, first stop the bathroom!”
Setting her down on the sink I realize I don’t have anything her size in here.
“One sec Pinkie, be right back.”
Leaving the cotton candy pony to her own devices, I head to the kitchen to get a teaspoon sized something. Not exactly a cup, but I can’t think of anything else that wouldn’t basically be a pool to her.
“Nothing in here... nope... nu-uh... huh?”
Sticking out between my honey and peanut butter jar, was a light pink fluffy thing. That was shaking like xbox controller after installing a massage program that also made distinct yet soft whimpering/neighing noise as well.
I would have stayed there like that soaking in the adorableness if it weren’t for the fact that I realized another two things: If Fluttershy was here, what were the chances of there being more of them hidden around my house. And if there were more of them, how long would it be before my dog Harvey finds them. Now that I think about it, where is he? Minus Pinkie this morning, he’s the one usually to wake me up.
Harvey later, cute adorable Fluttershy now. As gently as I can, I reach into the cupboard and began pulling her out by her tail. I expect her to do something but still am surprised by her reaction. First she goes totally stiff. She then began to make a keening sound that slowly started to crescendo. When she saw I was pulling her it immediately jumps to fat opera lady on helium.
It’s cute when she flaps her wings to fly away. It’s not actually making her move much though. Maybe she’s not trying hard enough. Ineffectual flight appendages aside, how was I going to keep her from flying around. I know that it doesn’t help when she’s scared, but at some point she’ll be able to use those wings to fly.
Well until further notice her new home is now a clear plastic coffee cup with cap. Which reminds me, I can use a bottle cap to get Pinkie a drink. Then we can get down to buisness for finding the rest of the collecti- I mean Main Six.
Still need to find out where Harvey went off to though. Probably in the basement chewing on my socks. Again.
Nearby, a small equine like creature watches our brave hero from the shadow of a plastic flower arrangement that our hero’s mother insisted be there because she doesn’t want him getting depressed because he never tidies up the place and has less aesthetic taste than a color-blind peacock or Lady Gaga... But I digress. Said sneaky miniature horse’s eyes narrowed at the sight of her captured comrade’s condition.
My Tiny Pony: Friendship In Miniature
After sticking Fluttershy in the glass with Pinkie, I experienced a cutetality from watching their heartfelt reunion. There was squeaking, hugging and crying in such quantities I nearly passed out. After regaining my composure I saw the two balls of fluff giving my puppy dog eyes. They whispered to me, “Please let us out oh handsome benevolent human, we are cute and small and are therefore no threat to your magnificence.”
And while I agreed with those pools of adorableness that stared into my soul, I could not in good conscious let them roam free in fear of them having to fend off my fearsome friend, Harvey. So in the cup you stay for now.
Wait, I remember that pattern of squeaks. What did it mean again... Oh right she was thirsty. Damn, forgot all about it. Thanks a lot Fluttershy. No don’t look at me like that, you know you're too freaking adorable.
So off I went again to play host to two surprise guests.
Well right off the bat I knew that there was going to be trouble. It was simply too cute how they hid themselves behind legs of furniture and inside plant arrangements. It may have worked too, if not for the fact that the Equestrian Royal Guard's coats are not the most camouflage friendly coloration. I think I even saw Celestia peeking out from the basement door!
But this brought up another realization. What is that, like 5 now? Anyway, if we have Pinkie, Fluttershy, Celestia and about 20 royal guards that could mean there are a LOT of ponies. Like an invasion of ponies...
...If this turns out to be a miniaturized version of the Conversion Bureau I'm going to laugh my ass off. And then probably sit on Celestia. Or maybe I could sell them as pets... Nah, probably be sued by Hasbro.
Either way I am walking into what is probably the most adorable ambush ever. Sorry Ewoks, you had a good run and will always have a special place in my heart. But you can't compete with 1 and a half inch tall ponies with little bits of string.
As I pass by the sofa, I hear a manly squeak from the basement door. Suddenly the cute critters all jump out and race towards me chirping what I assume would be vicious war cries. They quickly start tying my legs up with pieces of string I assume the got from my repair kit downstairs.
Anyways I notice something racing towards me. Something orange. With a miniature cowboy hat... Oh god. She wouldn't. Would she? As Applejack continues her 5 foot dash, I become acutely aware I don't have any foot protection. And if the show was even half accurate about her bucks...
"Screw that!" I mutter and start making my daring escape. With a heave I launch myself into the fastest series of jumps I have ever done. I look back and can't believe she's still closing the distance. With a final burst of speed I fling myself onto the couch and out of harms way. That is, until they get some pegasi on me...
I wonder what a miniature sonic rainboom will look like?
My Tiny Pony: Friendship In Miniature
Today was not a good day for Celestia.
In a few short years she went from the proud ruler of the most powerful nation on Terra to... this. The DTT (Dark Terror Twiddlywink) had caught her completely off guard. His harsh tyrannical march of conquest across Terra forced many beings from their homes lest they be crushed underhoof. After uniting with the Crystal Ponies, Zebras, Gryphons, Minotuars, dragons unaffiliated with DTT, and even... ugh... Changelings she set about organizing a form of Gorilla(*) warfare. To her dismay, even such brutal fighting tactics were insufficient. With a heavy heart, she called together all the mages, warlocks, witches, shamans, and medicine men to cast a grand trans-dimensional portal spell so that they might escape the Wrath of DTT.
But once again fate seemed to have a hit out on her, because DTT swooped in and disrupted the spell. Now not only did she not know what dimension she was in, but had none of her allies with her. Now she finds out not only is everything a ludicrously huge size, dark, and damp, but that apparently giant beings also lived here.
Rubbing her temples once again to help sooth the oncoming migraine, she spoke, "Captain Armor, please explain to me again where and how you found this."
"Private Toot-Sweet was investigating what Element Rarity identified as a giant washing machine. Upon closer inspection he found this underneath it."
Sighing for what felt like the hundredth time, Celestia once again looked at the impossibility. Not the object itself though. Hair was something she was very familiar with, just ask her 5 hair stylists. Rather it was the size and nature of the hair that disturbed her. It was long and thick enough to be used as a heavy string or a light rope. And it exuded no mana whatsoever.
When she first reached out to touch the mana streams here, she was surprised but not shocked to feel it was almost nonexistent. In fact, what she sensed was more along simple life-force than anything complex as magic. But this was a hair that should have at some point been apart of a living thing. There should have been SOME residue. Few things existed that could outlast their mana aura, and hair wasn't one of them.
With a polite cough, Shining Armor spoke, "Princess, regardless of the nature or its origin, this hair indicates the presences of a very large being. And based on the lack of mana involved with the machines over there, it is probably more technologically advanced in terms of clockwork and natural science."
"What makes you say that?" asked Celestia with a raised eyebrow.
"Well, the only way that machine could be powered without magic would be a complex assembly of gears. Given the apparent size and shape of the machine, coupled with the hollowed out space to put the laundry and pipes for getting water into and out of the machine the complexity and size of the gears far exceeds our own. And given that there is not apparent way to wind the machine up, I would assume that the power source is internal. I wouldn't be surprised if it was some sort of perpetual energy system."
"Captain Armor, while your theory is as good as any theory we have at the moment, why do you assume these being or beings have created something that nopony has ever been able to achieve?"
"It's my job to assume the worst ma'm." Shining responded with a grim sort of smile.
A soft smile graced the diarch's lips. "Very well Captain. Now I must see to the safety and health of my subjects."
Returning to Serious Ruler of Ponies she added "Keep an eye out for this giant being. I do not want it getting anywhere near my little ponies. Though do try to be careful. It'd be better to have another ally than another enemy."
"Of course your majesty."
Turning to leave, Celestia called out to Shining Armor "And Captain?"
"Yes?"
"She'll be fine. Both of them."
A dark grimace overcomes Shining Armor.
"Of course, Princess."
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My Tiny Pony: Friendship In Miniature
My Little Short: Coherent Time Lines are for Wimps 1
Today is a slow day. No, scratch that. Today has been an absolute clusterfuck.
Lightning storm rolled in last night and has decided to make an ass of itself by hanging around. It then proceeded to troll me by sending a ludicrous lance of lightning into the nearby transformer. So now I can't watch tv, play video games, surf the web, eat ice cream, or take a hot shower. Friggin sucks.
At least the ponies are able to entertain themselves easily. I swear I saw one of them chasing their own tail. Kind of hard to in the dark though.
Well at least I have my tunes. Come to me sweet rhapsody, cast out boredom and fill my soul with soothing light. LET THE MUSIC PIERCE THE HEAVENS!
*pat*
"Eh?"
Looking down I see a pony hitting my shoes. Looks like they want something. Turning my IPod's light I see blue mane and white coat with a horn and sunglasses. Vinyl Scratch then. What does she want?
"What do you want?"
Vinyl gives an annoyed huff and thumps her hoof on the ground 4 times. Ah, so she wants to be picked up then. Leaning down I feel sort of like the Iron Giant. Minus the dying in a nuclear explosion while in the throes of a delusion that I was from Krypton. Setting the DJ on the coffee table I go back to couching on the couch with me beats when I hear another thump. Looking back at the blue haired possible vampire pony I see her giving me a frown.
"What the hell's your problem now?"
While she might not understand everything I'm saying (and vice-versa) she seems to catch drift of my annoyed tone. Rolling her eyes (no I couldn't see it, but you know she did) she makes some squeaking noises while pointing at my IPod. Well, as much as a thing with no fingers can point...
"What, this? It's an IPod."
Shaking her head she continues to point at the IPod, then the my giant head phones. She then points to herself and her head phones.
"Ok charades round 56- no 65- fuck it. So... hmmm... My IPod plus my headphones plus you and your headphones equals... You want to listen to my sound?"
Well that sucked. Plus impossible. No way she had a big enough adapter to plug in. And I wasn't about to give up my music player.
"Sorry toots, your plug is too small for my hole."
... that came out wrong.
Seeing my shaking head, she makes a protesting squeak and motions for me to bring the head phones closer. I was bored and curious enough to do it. It's not like she took off her sunglasses and gave me puppy dog eyes. Nope, totally didn't happen. Damn ponies oversized ocular orbs!
So I bring my earphones in closer and wait for further instructions. She then points to both sides and points to either side of her...
Ooooooooh I get it. Like an surround sound system. After setting it up she finally gives a commanding squeak. I will assume it meant something along the "DROP THE BASE!"
Starting to warm up to the idea, I decide to give her something that would blow her mind.
"Ok, IPod plugged in? Check. Headphones in optimal position? Check. Volume on max? Check. Alright pony LETS DO THIS! (You only need to listen to the first 5 minutes or so.)
Well that was a good book. Oh Herman Melville, you always know how to entertain my more sophisticated side.
Wait, I'm forgetting something... Oh right Vinyl. I wonder how she liked th- Oh. Oh dear. Hey, brain, ponies are supposed to lay on their side and spasmodically twitch when their having a good time right?
NO YOU DUMB FUCK! SHE NEEDS A PONY DOCTOR STAT!
Ah, yes thank you for clearing that up. Now to respond in a calm and level-headed manner.
"TWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!"
My Tiny Pony: Friendship In Miniature
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She never thought she would ever actually say this. Not in a million-gazillion years. But the traitorous thought wormed it's way into her head and stayed there.
Being a pegasus sucked right now.
Rainbow Dash was a lot of things. She was cool, awesome, spectacular, the list of adjectives to convey here superiority stretched on. But all that stemmed from her ability to fly. Which she couldn't. So life sucked really hard right now.
At least Celestia wasn't making her feel useless. After the Mystery Mane was discovered Celestia chose her, Fluttershy, and Pinkie to do some reconnaissance "upstairs". More like up the side of a mountain. Which sucked since she couldn't fly.
Then, if that wasn't bad enough, the door lead to another giant room with giant furniture and FAKE flowers? What the buck? Why would someone want FAKE flowers? Whoever lived here was an idiot. Fluttershy wanted to check out what looked like the kitchen for any food for the foals, and Pinkie wanted to explore the top floor because "that's where the final bosses always are, duh". Whatever that meant. It sucked when she couldn't understand what the buck Pinkie was talking about.
And now, all she could do was watch helplessly as the big, freaky, two-legged, ugly, hairless, MONSTER capture Fluttershy. And it probably already got Pinkie Pie. And she couldn't do anything about it unless she wanted to end up as the Monster's prisoner too. Which sucked harder than a colt cuddler passing golf balls through a garden hose.
Displaying a level of intelligence that surprised even her, Rainbow Dash decided to do the tactically smart thing. Report to the leader and get reinforcements. Even she wasn't stupid enough to go after something the size of a Major Ursa.
"Celestia's not going to be happy about this!" she muttered to herself.
Waiting 'til the Monster was gone, she galloped to the basement door to report to the Princess.
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
It was times like these that Celestia believed that there was a higher power out there somewhere. And it was toying with her.
"Rainbow Dash... Can you repeat that again?"
"Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie got captured by a giant hairless monster! It took them to his lair on the second floor!"
"Rainbow Dash, are you certain it is a monster? For all we know it could be the owner of this home."
"So monsters can build houses here, big deal! It's going to eat my friends! I need some guards to catch it and beat it up before it hurts anypony else!
It was times like these it was imperative she be the calm level-headed ruler she aspired to be.
"Your loyalty and concern are appreciated Rainbow Dash, but we must approach this delicatly. Besides I doubt that whatever lives here, be it monster or pony, would eat things that obviously not of this world.
"Are you willing to bet their lives on that?"
That... was a good point. But to respond with violence in such a situation was counter productive to their goals of rebuilding Equestria. It seems that she must come up with a compromise.
"Captain Armor... you will take the Element of Loyalty and Honesty plus a contingent of guards and locate this being. Capture it by any means necessary. But do NOT harm it. We must be able to convince this being that we do not mean it or it's kind harm and simply wish to live in harmony.
"Understood Princess. Rainbow Dash, find Applejack. I'll go rally the guard. We will save your friends."
"Roger that!" With a sloppy salute she took off into the camp to find her platonic friend.
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Boom
Here it comes...
Boom
Sounds big. Major Ursa big. What has Rainbow Dash gotten us into?
Boom
No, focus. Your here with your stallions to capture the Monster and save the Elements.
BOOM
Mother of Celesia... It's HUGE!
BOOM
"Alright stallions, get ready. Don't worry, the bigger they are, the harder they fall!"
BOOM
"Steady... Steady..."
BOOM
"CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGE!"
My Tiny Pony: Friendship In Miniature
Celestia couldn't make heads or tails of the situation. After checking up on Twilight and Candace, she went to the top of the monolithic stairs to see if she could spy the creature that lived in this house. Yes, this was probably the creature's home. If felt strange, after being so big in comparison to her ponies for all her life she was now dwarfed by a being that was just as smart or even smarter than her.
Now it was perched on top of what could be considered a couch looking at them with an apprehensive yet bemused expression.
"Captain Armor, can you please explain the... situation ," Celestia said slightly hesitantly.
Shining Armor saluted crisply and gave his report, "Of course Princess. About 10 minutes ago the monster made it's way down the stairs. It walked straight into our ambush and we immediately tried to immobilize it's feet. It made an attempt to free itself, so I sent Applejack to try and knock it over. I believe it noticed her approach and somehow divined what she was going to do. It immediately started jumping towards the couch structure and jumped onto it. Since then it has freed itself and has been observing us. I have set up a perimeter around it. No attempt of communication has been attempted yet."
"Hmmm... What is your analysis of the situation?," Celestia questioned with a slightly distracted tone. The monster had turned it's attention to her now that she was out in the open. If their specie's were similar in expression, it was giving her a rather cheeky grin at the moment...
Shining Armor shifted uncomfortably for a second before continuing, "I'm worried. It hasn't shown us any hostility yet."
Celestia quickly returned her focus to the captain of the guard. "Why is that such a problem? I would think that would be a good sign.
Shining Armor returned his gaze to the monster for a moment before continuing, " We are totally alien beings that have invaded it's territory. If this was the other way around I'd be very concerned and maybe even a little angry. This monster seems to be unconcerned about us, insofar as that it was more concerned with the Element of Honesty charging it rather than my guards attempt to immobilize it. That can mean one of two things. That it was expecting us, or it feels safe enough to not feel threatened. And the only thing I can think of for the second outcome is that it is expecting some type of aid."
Celestia gave a small sigh, thinking over her captain's thoughts. He presented a compelling argument. It was very similar to her line of though thus far. If the creature had called for assistance, they had little time to establish good relations before the situation spiraled out of control.
"Well, now's a good a time as any," Celestia remarked. She straightened herself out, fluffed her wings for effect, gave her captain a reassuring smile, and began to walk towards the couch that contained the future of her race.
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Trapped on my own couch by a bunch of tiny horses from a girl's show... This is actually not the worst situation I've been in. The Radish Incident was a lot worse.
As I looked over the back of the couch to the basement door, I couldn't help but be struck once again by the surreal nature of this encounter.
First Pinkie, then Fluttershy, now Shining Armor, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash. It's official. My house has been taken over by ecologically subversive equines.
As I wait for Princess Celestia, because who else would Shining be waiting on if they wanted to "talk" with me, I pondered somethings I've been noticing about these ponies.
Firstly, it seems like they can't use their race powers here. I look back to when I caught Fluttershy and how she struggled by beating her wings. All that did was make her motion sick. I see a few pegasi guards and Rainbow Dash just standing there. If they really meant to capture me, they would be all over me right now. And I don't think Rainbow Dash is one to have this type of self control when it comes to threats to her friends. The unicorns of the group hadn't used their magic yet either. Which would again have made my capture a lot easier.
Second, looking more closely at the guards, I had to say that the adult male pony was about an inch and a half tall. Make that two pennies set side by side. By my guess, if Celestia was as tall when compared to her ponies as she was in the show, she would be about two and a quarter inches tall. If they turned out to be not hostile and looking for help, I could probably lend them my expertise at LEGOs. I could probably even make replicas of Ponyville buildings if I put my mind to it...
But more of that later. I spy with my little eye something that needs to cut back on her cake binges. In fact, she should give the cake to Luna. She always looks rather emaciated in the show with that waistline of hers.
My Tiny Pony: Friendship In Miniature
Chapter 8: For Real This Time
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My Tiny Pony: Friendship In Miniature
Chapter Nine: If I had a nickel for every time I played charades with a tiny pony.
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Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie have done a lot of stuff together. Not just normal stuff like hoofacures (i don't know how to spell it don't judge me) and spa days, but taken down all sorts of baddies.
A living nightmare with god like powers bent on plunging the world into total darkness? Scary, but more of a minor annoyance.
Vampiric Bug Queen plotting to take over Canterlot? Got bug zapped.
Spirit of Chaos? ... Well they really didn't do much, but it worked out in the end.
But giant ape thing that was probably carnivorous, twice the size of an Ursa Major, and able to swallow ponies whole?
Well, as Rarity once put it: THE. WORST. POSSIBLE. THING!
"Pinkie, I'm scared" whimpered Fluttershy, "He was just staring and baring his teeth at me. Then when I tried to fly away he just laughed at me."
Pinkie hated to see her friend like this. Sure, she too was slightly traumatized from almost ending up like one of her cupcakes, but no Pinkie was going to let their friend down!
"Cheer up Fluttershy! Once everypony finds us we'll get out of here in no time. I bet the girls are out looking for us right now!"
On the inside however, Pinkie wasn't feeling so confident. When the Princesses did the emergency evacuation in Ponyville a lot of things went wrong. The Dark Terror Twiddlywink had already destroyed and/or enslaved most of the world. In a last ditch effort, mages, unicorns, and magical creature came together to cast a giant trans-dimensional teleportation to escape the vicious tyrant.
However the last minute surprise attack derailed the casting. Thankfully the spell worked and teleported everybeing. Unfortunately the spell went off target in more ways than one. While ponies materialized together, they were missing everybeing else. They also materialized someplace really dark and damp. And worst of all, nopony could feel any magic! earth ponies were as weak as pegasi, pegasi couldn't fly, and unicorns couldn't use magic. The Princesses still could, but they were running on a limited supply that they didn't know if they could keep regenerating.
At first everything was so strange. It looked like they ended up in some weird cave, until Rarity recognized some of the things in the room. Like shirts that could be used to make a hundred dresses. A Washer Machine the size of Ponyville Square. Now ponies were cold, hungry and scared. So the princesses organized the guards including three of the Elements of Harmony and sent them up the giant steps to the light coming from under the colossal door...
"But what if he wants to eat us?" moaned Fluttershy.
Snapping out of her depressing thoughts, Pinkie showed Fluttershy another smile and said, "Silly Filly! He already tried to eat me remember? He must not like how ponies taste though. Which is weird because I always thought I'd taste really good."
With a soft sigh, Fluttershy looks out through the distorted view the giant glass gives them.
"I just hope they don't make the giant angry. There's not telling WHAT it would do if we hurt it. And I'm not sure we could stop it if it wants to hurt us..."
