I'm gonna be honest, your in my head, you can hear my inner most thoughts and still perceive the world outside. No one else's thoughts, just mine. There isn't much you don't know about me, in fact nothing so there isn't any point in trying to hide anything from you. I'm an inventor, writer and artist. Stories, pictures and Thingymajiggers, that's my forte. But love, sit down, there is a lot to tell you until you get here. Where I sit know. Not the longest of times but... Well, you'll see.
"Sketch, hand me the isochronal discombobulator"
"John, how many times. It's a spanner for Celestia's sake."
Hi, as you can guess, I'm Sketch, I work in a Canterlot as an 'Research and Development Inventional scientist. In short, I own a massive workshop where I mess around with whatever takes my fancy. That guy, you know the one who over complicates EVERYTHING. That's John 'Whooves' Smith PhD or Doctor Whooves to himself, literally just himself no one else will call him that because it's just stupid. We are currently using laser guidance systems to open a Pot Noodle through 17" Adamanetium, and it works. In no way does it help anyone, but it wastes money and keeps our budget which is 'what it's all about' supposedly.
Guards rushed in, checking every corner of the room, but you already know this we are just gonna get up to here and now, sat here in my archive, then I'm just gonna ignore you and carry on with life. Maybe.
"Clear" a gruff white pegasus, Storm Wind I think, called out into the hallway. They always suspect R&D because of all the high powered lasers and cool machines, like we're going to start a frickin' rebellion. In this day and age of all times, both princesses and the elements at full strength. We are honestly not that stupid. I grew up in a broken home so we're going to gloss over that, being beaten by a step-dad isn't fun. Regardless, I did well got a fun job and now spend my days alone and enamoured with somepony who doesn't even know I exist.
As if by magic. In she steps, mane shimmering in the setting sun, the room smelt of roses and vanilla as she always does. Her sleek form, smooth white fur, pristine wings, all arranged in the same direction, with seemingly no effort.
"What are you doing today, Doctor Smith and Professor, um, Stitch was it?"
"Sketch, your Highness, Professor Sketch. We are...er, um... Whooves, explain." I panicked. You'd think the fact that she didn't know my name, would have a dampening affect on the blush raging rampant on my cheeks. You'd be wrong.
"We are testing a new heating system, to be used by soldiers in the field in remote places such Saddle Arabia and the area around Stalliongrad, formerly Ponygrad, to heat rations and suc..." He trailed off, staring down the corridor, "Hey, is that... DERPY! Hey Derpy, over here!" He took off galloping in her direction.
"Doctor, we are you" He was already out of shouting range, "Buck's sake." I gulped "I'm sorry your Highness, he seems to have a certain degree of affection towards that grey pegasus. I guess he also has a short attention span. Can I, uh, help you at all?"
"Oh, yes, the very reason I'm here, Captain, make sure the corridors are safe, I'll be fine." Storm Wind grunted as he and his affiliates left the laboratory. "Now, Sketch. I have been worried about you for some time. You seem to be under stress. I'm giving you a mandatory holiday, for at least 2 days, to relax."
"But, I have nowhere to go, nopony to see. What'll I do, most of this job is relaxation. The stress is about y... I mean a certain somepony"
"Then you will have to under go therapy..."
"I do not need therapy. I hate psychologists and I'm fine" I started meandering around the room, picking up random objects as I went around, either disregarding them or throwing them into a pile on the floor.
"Then I will be your therapist, I know for a fact you can't refuse me."
Shit, she's the problem, think, think think think. IDEA.
"Princess, not to be rude, but there are rumours that you put the psycho rapist in psychological therapist." There we are home free and safe. Wait, was she giggling, oh shit.
"Oh, rumours do get funnier each time I hear them. No I'm not a rapist or murderer, I am partial to the odd cake but I am not addicted, not like Luna and her games anyway. I am most certianatly not a slut either, that seems to be a common trend, in actual fact I've never even had somepony to call my own" She started sobbing at this point. I know what I'm thinking, your thinking it too, your thinking "Nice job, you made her cry, go on fix this." So I did. She seemed to fall from grace, becoming less of a deity and more of normal pony, so I treated her as such, with care and a hug. I took her into my arms, the smell of vanilla and roses intensifying, filling my nostrils and making my heart race.
"There there," I cooed, softly stroking her mane as she wept. "It's okay, anypony would be lucky to have you. I'm sure nopony would think of you as a slut, and I wouldn't be opposed to therapy with you, I'd be glad we got to spend time together really." Wait, no. Damn you loose lips. It's fine she didn't pick up on it, everything is fine.
"Hang on, you *sniff* want to spend more time with me. Sketch, do you..."
"John, is that you? I think he's back. I'll just go see, If you need me I'll be in my archives." I pushed my pile of crap, consisting of a crossbow, laser pointer, ammo pouch, a tripod for a camera, and 20 or so shuriken stacks, into the archives, where I now sit, practically galloping down the hallway, "Bye Princess"
Smooth Sketch, real smooth. That's us up to speed, In that picture on the cover I had an eye infection, but it's all better now and I still want to do unspeakable thing to Celestia. Now where was I with that laser guided shuriken launcher. Oh and the archive is where I keep all my "collectable figurines" or toys to the untrained eye, and make things to destroy them In cruel and unusual ways, when I'm in a mood, and with this Celestia problem, I no longer have any Spider-Mane figurines left. I'll talk to you later voice in my head. Bye for now.
***
"Pull!" That's My Super-Mane collection gone, oh how the nerds would cry now. I haven't left the archive yet but I plan to, seeing as how you missed yesterday because I ignored you, lets just fill you in shall we...
"Launcher, finished. Selected figure, check, laser pointer, meh it'll do. Hey where is John, I haven't seen him all day." As soon as I finished the door to my archive slammed shut. This frightened me for two reasons. 1. Nopony comes in my archive without permission. 2. There is a retina scan, voice password and biometric reader, nopony could get in if they wanted to.
"John, is that you? Did I leave the door open again?" A soft but heavy sobbing drifted across the room, "Hey, Whooves? You O.K.?" I trotted towards the source of the sobbing. I turned the corner and...
"Derpy!? How did you get in here, the door wasn't open was it?"
"No, I just came in here, I didn't realise this was you-"
"Hold up, how exactly did you get in here, I designed the security myself, It's impossible to get in here without being me. How did you do it?"
"I, um, air-vents” Wow, that was my down fall “I came in here to cry. Please don't be angry, I wouldn't be crying if it wasn't for Doctor Whooves." Hey people do call him that ridiculous nickname. "Why can't I just tell him I lo-" She caught her tongue in what seemed like the nick of time, just before she told me her, as of now, not-so-secret secret. She loved John. All of the rumours about her and Luna were all falsity and lies.
Luna loved her games and I loved beating her high scores on Bomber-Mare, she gets so angry, too funny. Any who...
"You love Dr. Smith don't you?" she nodded furiously, like a bobble head somepony punched, hard. "Well to make us even I'll tell you a secret, promise not to tell anypony." Again she nodded, hooves still pressed tightly against her lips. "I love the Princess. Celestia not Luna. She's just *sigh* perfect. This leaves me with a slight problem. She wants me to undergo therapy because I'm distracted. She wants to be the therapist, but I can't tell her she's the problem can I?"
"Of course you can, she'd be head over hooves for you." Derpy finally piped up. "She'll love you to."
"Derpy, in the nicest way possible, that's bullshit and you know it." She gasped at the swear. "My love is as unrequited as Spike's love for Rarity, yes I know, he tells me these things when he comes up to Canterlot for his yearly vacation. My point is, why would the Princess love a pony who works in R&D and has a criminal record, wait sh-"
"Criminal record?" Those big puppy dog eyes, she conned it out of me
"Pinkie Pie promise not to tell a soul about this one?" I cocked an eyebrow, she wasn't going to like this.
"Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye."
"Fine, I was hacker, big time. This one time, I didn't clean up after myself and the EBIP, you know the 'Equestrian Bureau of Investigation and Persecution' caught me and put me to work as a slave for the Tsar of Ponygrad. During the revolution, I murdered the Tsar and his whole family in cold blood." And I'm crying, great. " I couldn't *hic* couldn't save this filly form the flames *sniff* her death was also pinned on me and I... I got sent to Guantana-Foal Bay and they tortured me. *cough* I bled and bled until they saw I couldn't be broken. They released me into the *hic* desert and I wandered. I came across and Saddle Arabian convoy on the way to Canterlot. They gave me a lift. I appealed to the Princess to clear my name. She said she would, if I put my brains into protecting people instead of putting them in harms way. I did and here I am. I love her because she was the only pony who forgave me for the atrocities I committed."
She stared blankly at me. Great that's another pony who's going to avoid me.
"Oh, you poor stallion." She threw her arms around me and drew me into a tight hug. "You had to live with all that guilt. That's why you need to go and see Celestia for therapy. It'll help you, I promise." She drew away, smiling now. John, you lucky bastard, you deserve somepony like her, and you better bloody see that.
I'm taking her advice by the way. Tomorrow, I go and see Celestia for the first of our therapy sessions. I rang her office, and there is going to be two day long sessions, with a "field trip" in between them. Oh, and here is the best part, your coming with me the whole way psychosis, the whole nine yards. Anyway, see you in therapy. Hey maybe I am crazy? Hell if I'm crazy you sir, are definitely some for of psychotic wreckage of a sociopathic killer. Or maybe the crazy part of me. all that matters is that ~~we~~ I am going to spend three whole days with the Princess. Fuck yeah
***
Hey, how are you, I'm good. Sat in a therapists office with the love of my life and it's just... just awful. She wants me to talk about my feelings and stuff. I have feelings, don't get me wrong it's just, I am not going to tell her that last night, I had the same dream I've been having for the last few months, the one where I... I... THEONEWHEREIWAKEUPNEXTTOHERSHE'SSMILINGATMEANDWECUDDLEBECAUSENOTHINGINTHEWORLDCANEVEREVEREVERKEEPUSAPART. Yeah, that one. So you get to see well now as it's unfolding, but who can forget about you, you get to hear all of the sarky comments I make in the back of my mind. Yey *sigh*. Let's get this shit over with. No wait, I’ll spare you this and tell you the highlights later. No, I promised your staying.
“So, Sketch. What is it that is troubling you? You seem at edge.” She’s started smiling at me. Oh Tia how that makes me melt inside.
“Stuff.” Smooth “Just lab stuff”
“Let’s talk about how you feel right now. How do you feel?” Leave me alone please, Luna come in and take her away. Please. Now!
“I, I feel a little sick, I can’t consentrate on stuff because y-” That. That was close, I almost told her the way I feel and then I’d be exiled or something.
“Because what?”
No buck it. I’m running, Seeya.
***
Hey again yeah I ran away and it’s because I know. I know deep in my heart she will never love me back, and I can’t live with myself knowing that. If anything I’m doing the world a favor. I just… I just thought we could have something and I I could be normal. Ha normal. Normal isn’t the feeling of this Colt 44. In my hand. I’m damaged goods. I’ve left a suicide not but it’s not like I’m going to be missed. I’ve always had issues, depression featuring rather frequently in that list, but this feels right. Goodbye,Celestia bless.
Weeping, I slowly pull the gun to my head. Shaking, as I realise everything I’m going to leave behind, but in leaving it behind, I can make it better for the others.
“Celestia, I lov-”
*BANG*
***
The gunshot echoed throughout the palace. As his chasis slumped to the ground, cold and unmoving, Whooves came bolting in.
“Shit. Oh shit. Sketch, why. Just, why” He spied the suicide note on the floor and began to read. Finally realising his surroundings as ponies start to approach. “I can’t let anypony feel this burden, not the princess, she’d carry it with her forever.” He eats the paper, destroying the note forever.
“Why’d he do it, Doctor, D’you know” Derpy asked, tilting her head slightly to the left.
“Stress, Derpy.” He lied “It was all too much.”
Celestia stood, staring at Sketch's lifeless body. He was finally at peace. Whooves decided to speak to her first, and as it would seem last, that day.
"Princess, I know from where your standing that looks like an 18 carat gun of bad look, but his life was like a game. And, well, the game was rigged from the start."
